Be Careful What You Wish For
by twiXlite
Summary: After a few choice words Edward disappears. What will Bella and the others think when they find him years later? He's different. He's covered in ink and steel and is hiding something from his old friends. What's he hiding behind the wall of ink and steel?
1. Be Careful What You Wish For

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I do own a Cullen Crest wristband though, does that count?**

**I know that a lot of you are going to be thinking '**_**Oh no! Another story! Why doesn't she just finish the ones she's got going first?'**_** And my answer to that is, you know how I am with my stories. I have a new one floating around in my head, I have to get it out, and this one just doesn't want to stay a document on my computer for too long. It's begging me to publish it, and who am I to say no.**

**For all of you waiting, I can tell you that I have the next chapters of Breaking the Habit, Eternally Damned, Locked Up and Under Your Spell all written up. They just need tweaking to (my view of) perfection - though they'll probably be far from it – and they'll be posted over the span of the weekend. Maybe even more than once. Aren't you lucky?**

**Anyways, I'm going to post the first chapter of this story first, and then I'm going to wait to see what the response to it is. I hope you like it ^_^**

_It's been a while  
Since I could hold my head up high  
I'ts been a while  
Since I first saw you  
It's been a while  
__since i could stand on my own two feet again  
and it's been a while  
since i could call you  
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem  
the consequences that I've rendered  
I've stretched myself beyond my means_

_'It's Been A While' - Staind_

_***~* Bella *~***_

"That asshole!" I cringed, watching Emmett throw yet another one of his tantrums in the Cullens' backyard. Thank God it wasn't in the house or Esme would have a fit. "That …… that ……" It seemed that he had lost the ability to even put a sentence together he was so pissed. Especially seeing as the end of that sentence was nothing more than a yell of exasperation.

"What the fuck is he playing at?" Jasper wasn't in a much better mood, though he was much less …… shall we say, obvious about it, preferring to sit and seethe in a corner rather than destroy all manner of creation like Emmett did.

"Look, you guys, we don't know what's happened." I put in in a small voice, not really expecting to be heard over Emmett's cursing. They all turned to look at me. "We don't know the full story."

"Are you kidding me, Bells." Alice's jaw dropped, her eyes widening as she and Rose stood up, walking over to me. "You of all of us should be the _most_ pissed off. Not defending that dickwad!"

"Aren't you guys being a little harsh?" I asked, looking around at all of them, receiving stares that made me feel as though nice men in white coats should be driving up to the house right now.

"No." Emmett stopped his tirade and glared at the third storey window above us. It seemed as though he was trying to melt it with only his angered stare. "That douche up there has been an asshole all year, Bella. He's had it coming."

"Don't you guys think that it's strange how he just changed, though?" I asked looking around at them. "I mean, it's like he went out one day and got a personality transplant. Something has to have happened."

"Not necessarily." Jasper mumbled, sitting down on the porch that lined the back of the glorious Cullen mansion. "Some people just change for no reason."

"Not Edward." I shook my head indignantly, not wanting to believe that they were being cruel about their own brother. "Why don't we just talk to him and-"

"No, Bells!" Emmett turned his glare on me and I flinched at its intensity. He was _really_ pissed. "We have given him _plenty_ of time to talk to us. Plenty of opportunites and he's thrown them all back in our faces. If he wanted to talk, then he should have done it months ago, before we started getting pissed at him, and before he became an utter douchebag!"

"Emmett…" I moaned, hating the way they were talking about him. Yes, he had fucked up royally and none of us knew what his problem was, but I didn't believe that the verbal thrashing that Edward had received from his brother and sister and friends was deserved. There was something going on. I just _knew_ that there was.

"How can you be sticking up for him, Bella?" Jasper asked, his ice blue eyes boring into my own.

"I don't know." I shrugged, looking back up at the window Emmett had been glaring at. The window that held the odd Cullen out, as it were. "It's just …… there's something not right about this situation at all. And I don't like it."

"Come on, Bells." Emmett scoffed, standing there, crossing his arms over his enormous chest. "Just because you've had it bad for him since we were like, eleven doesn't mean that he's worthy of you sticking up for him."

I glared at Emmett, as did Alice and Rosalie.

"That was low, Emmett Cullen." Alice hissed at her older, and frankly, much larger brother. "And you know it."

"You're right." He sighed, looking at me, his eyes reproachful. "I'm sorry, Bells. I just …… I'm so pissed with him at the moment."

"Look, Em, I get it." I ran my hand through my long brown hair, sitting down on the porch next to Jasper. "You're pissed, we get it. But listen to what I'm saying. Doesn't Edward's behaviour seem a little weird to you?" I looked around at all of them. "Doesn't it seem weird that all of a sudden, Edward changes from our fun-loving, care-free Teddy Bear to being cold and distant, short-tempered and irritable? I mean, it was practically overnight that he changed, wasn't it? You guys can't say that that's normal."

"You don't think that he's into something, do you?" Alice asked, looking strained.

"What?" Jasper looked up at us all. "Like drugs or something?"

"No." Rose shook her head indignantly. "Our Ted's not that stupid."

"That's the whole point, Rose." Emmett sighed. "He's not 'our Ted' anymore, is he?"

"But he could be again." I insisted and Emmett shook his head.

"No, Jingle Bells." He smiled slightly, using my old nickname from when we were little. "He can't. Too much has changed."

"What if it is something like drugs, though?" Jasper asked, standing up.

"Then he's a stupid prick who needs help." Rosalie growled. She was not a huge fan of drugs of any kind. She'd learned about their effects the hard way. It wasn't something we talked about often … ever, actually, but it was always there, bubbling under the surface.

The six of us had grown up together, all living in a town as small as Forks, it really wasn't like we had a choice. I had been three when I'd met up with Edward and Alice, the twins that had moved in down the road with their parents and big brother Emmett. Rose and Jasper already lived in Forks and our mothers' were friends, so we had been on playdates since before we could sit up, what with them being four weeks older than me.

The six of us had been firm friends since the day we met the Cullens, none of us ever wavering in our friendship. Alice and Jasper and Emmett and Rosalie had split into couples and I could tell that they really did love each other. I wanted that with Edward. Not that I'd told him, but I'd loved him since I was little, not really understanding what it was of course, but it was still there nonetheless. I didn't hold out any hope that he felt the same way, so of course, me being the incredible hulk of cowards, I said nothing.

At least, that was how it _had_ been.

Up until last year when Edward had suddenly started acting differently to us all. He had become cold and distant, blowing us off for no reason, disappearing at random times in the day, sometimes not even acknowledging us at all.

It had put a strain on the dynamics of the group and today had been breaking point. I don't know what it was that set Emmett off, but one minute Alice, Rose, Jasper and I were sitting downstairs, watching television in the den when we heard an almighty crash and Emmett shouting upstairs. We had all run upstairs to find Emmett pinning Edward to the wall. Edward had an expression of extreme pain on his face and I was immediately worried about him.

Edward was not the smallest of seventeen year olds, but he was nothing compared to his older brother, who was literally built like a bear. It had scared me. We had prized Emmett off of Edward, who promptly collapsed on the ground, gasping for breath, but when I asked him if he was okay, he told us all to piss of and take Emmett with us.

_That_ was when Emmett really lost it.

He was so pissed that he was extremely close to pushing Edward out of his floor to ceiling window. It was only because Edward was so quick and lithe in his movements that he wasn't seriously injured. We had then taken Emmett outside for a much needed cool down session, that appeared to have worked.

Not before Emmett shouted some choice words at Edward, most of which I didn't agree with.

"Em?" I looked up at him and he looked down at me, his expression sombre. "You didn't really mean it when you told Edward to disappear, did you?"

He sighed and sat down next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "Of course not, Bells." I could hear the regret of those words in his voice. "I just …… I was just so pissed at him. I don't know why I said that."

"What happened?" Rose asked, sitting down next to her boyfriend, placing a hand on his knee. Alice had moved over to sit on Jasper's knee and was now cuddling into his side. "Before we got up there?"

Emmett shook his head, closing his eyes. "No." He whispered. "If I think about it now, I'll just get pissed again and probably take it out on Ed's bike. And I don't really feel like paying for any repairs right now."

I smiled at him, rubbing the hand that was flung over my shoulder. "Maybe, now that some of the tensions been hashed out, it'll get better with Edward."

"You think?" Alice asked, her green eyes worried. "What if it doesn't?"

"I don't know, Ali-Kat." I sighed, shaking my head. "We'll figure it out. We have to."

"_We_ don't have to do anything." Jasper spoke up, his voice harsh. "I know he's your brother, Ali, but I'm sorry. He's being a huge asshole at the moment and _we_ don't need to do anything about it. Whatever he's got going on, _he's_ the one that needs to sort his shit out. Nothing to do with us."

"Jasper's right." Rosalie sighed, leaning into Emmett. "If he asks for help, then we'll help him, but until then, I'm done. I can't handle his shit anymore."

"I agree." Jasper nodded and Alice and Emmett murmured their agreement. I, on the other hand, wasn't so sure. I knew that there was something up with Edward. Something that he wasn't telling us. Something that he was hiding and probably ashamed of.

I wanted to find out what it was and I wanted to help him.

Whether or not he would let me was another story.

"Come on." Alice sighed, climbing off Jasper's lap but keeping hold of his hand. "Let's go order some pizza and stick a movie on."

We all nodded and stood up, walking into the house and back into the den. Alice and Emmett promptly started having an argument about what kind of movie we were going to watch. She wanted a romance – as usual for Alice – and he wanted something with a lot of explosions and cars in it – as usual for Emmett. In the end, I think we settled on Mr and Mrs. Smith, which I think was somewhere in between. Well, it had a lot of explosions in it, but it had that underlying romance as well.

Our pizzas arrived about twenty minutes into the film and we all sat there, laughing at some of the obvious close calls that they had and how Alice and Rose had to keep distracting Emmett and Jasper from Angelina Jolie's legs. But then again, we weren't that much better when it came to Mr. Pitt either, so they couldn't really talk.

After the movie, we started playing a game of truth or dare, which held some rather embarrassing truths and some rather heinous dares that I would relish telling Emmett and Rosalie's children one day, because lets face it, they're gonna have 'em.

I couldn't help but look towards the stairs every ten minutes or so, even though it was in my peripheral vision, so I would see any movement coming from that direction anyway, but still, I couldn't help but feel that something wasn't right with Edward.

"What is it, Bells?" Jasper asked, taking a swig of his soda. "Something wrong?"

"I don't know." I murmured, looking back over to the stairs. "I can't help but feel that there's something up with Edward."

"What?" Rose scoffed slightly. "What are you talking about, Bella? He's obviously sulking and is too chicken shit to come downstairs for anything."

"I don't know." I murmured again. I stood up, stretching out and grabbing the last of the pizza box in front of me. "I'm gonna go and see if he wants anything to eat."

"Why?" Alice asked, a scowl crossing her face. He had really pissed both her and Emmett off today. Emmett had told her part of what had happened upstairs, but had held out on the rest of us. I had a feeling it was something to do with the family, so I didn't interfere.

"Because no matter how much of a douche he's been lately, he still needs to eat, and maybe he'll see it as a goodwill gesture and his attitude and behaviour will improve." I argued, smiling at her before sticking my tongue out.

She scoffed and mumbled something that sounded very much like "when hell freezes over". Whatever they thought, I knew Edward better than anyone. He was my best friend and I knew when there was something wrong. When the others had coupled off, Edward and I had bonded together, becoming closer and closer everyday, able to tell each other things we wouldn't dare even dreaming of telling the others. Which made it hurt so much when I thought that he was keeping things from me.

Pizza box in hand, I climbed the stairs slowly, hoping that he wouldn't blow up at me, and think that I was trying to worm my way into getting information out of him. I had learned years ago that doing that didn't work with Edward. When you wanted him to tell you something, you had to wait for him to offer up the information. He was like a fort and pushing him for information served no purpose, other than to make him withdraw and erect even thicker walls. I knew how to get information out of Edward better than anyone did. Especially seeing as it was me that he generally went to with any problems or when he needed advice.

Well, he _used_ to anyway.

Now he was like a completely different person.

"Edward?" I called quietly, reaching the lonely door on the third floor. "Edward, are you okay?" I asked, my voice a little louder, hoping that he would hear me. There was no music coming from his room, as there normally was, and I couldn't hear the shower going at all. There was no reason for him not to hear me. There was a light coming from under the door, so he was in there. _Maybe he fell asleep_, I thought, gently wrapping my fingers around the doorknob.

Something still wasn't right. I could _feel_ it in my gut. I was just going to open the door, poke my head in and see if he was awake or not. If he was, then I'd give him the pizza, if not, then I would place it on the bedside table.

I quietly opened the door, slowly pushing it open and peering inside.

I looked from side to side, but I couldn't see him there at all. I stepped into the room, leaning so that I could see into his en suite, but seeing nothing. He wasn't in here. _That's weird. _I thought, shaking my head. Maybe he had gone downstairs without my noticing.

I shrugged my shoulders, placing the pizza on his bedside table. As I turned to leave, the curtains that Edward had gracing the enormous window in his room, swelled with a sudden wind, reaching out into the room. _That's weird._ Edward never leaves those open. Unless he's out on the balcony, having a cigarette.

That's another thing about Edward that had changed. He had become a smoker and that pissed me off more than any of his other behaviour. He knew that I abhored smoking.

As I walked around his bed, I noticed that there was a slip of paper on his desk, which was a bit strange, because for all of his changes, Edward still had a slight OCD about things being out of place. I picked it up and read it, my jaw dropping as I read his beautifully elegant handwriting.

Abandoning the open windows, I ran downstairs into the den and the others looked at me like I was crazy for the second time that night.

"He's gone." I croaked out, looking at them all.

"Who's gone?" Alice asked, walking over to me and taking the piece of paper that I handed her. "Shit." It wasn't very often that Alice cursed, and when she did, it was not good.

"What?" The other three looked between the two of us and the ominous little piece of paper still in Alice's hand.

"What are we gonna tell Mom and Dad?" She looked at me, her eyes wide with worry.

"I don't know." I shook my head, running my hands through my hair. "I don't think that when they went away, having their youngest son disappear was something they wanted to achieve."

"What the hell is going on?" Emmett asked, getting impatient. "What the hell is on that piece of paper?"

"_Be careful what you wish for."_

_***~* Edward *~***_

Afte*r the argument with everyone earlier, I couldn't stay at home. I just couldn't do it. I hated myself, the way I've been acting around them for the last year. It wasn't how they deserved to be treated. Especially Bella.

_Sweet, beautiful Bella._

I never did have the guts to tell her how I felt, and now I would never have the chance.

Emmett made it clear how he felt, as did the others. They all wanted me gone. They didn't want to have to see me again, so I made that easy for them. I would disappear.

As soon as they had gone, I had begun packing my shit into a bag that I could shove under the seat of my Ducati. I needed to get out of Forks. Tonight. I hated how it was going to affect my parents, but that really couldn't be helped.

Everyone wanted me to disappear, so disappear I would.

I wrote a short note, not telling them anything about what I was doing, where I was going. Only using six of the words that I wanted to use, and I knew that there would be enormous amounts of questions on their end. Hell, there were huge torrents of questions on my end and I was the one leaving. I didn't know what else to do.

I waited until I heard the movie start downstairs before I, ignoring the stabbing pain in my side, flung my bag over my shoulder, and swung my leg over the side of my balcony and climbed my way down the lattice just outside my bedroom.

I knew that they were in the den, so I didn't have to worry about being seen as I walked around the side of the house and round to where my bike was parked. I didn't want to alert them to what I was doing, so I grabbed my helmet out of the garage through the small side door that blended in with the main garage door and slung it over one of the handlebars of my bike, quietly walking it down the extensive driveway that my parents insisted we have. For once I was thankful to them.

Once I reached the end of the driveway, just before I reached the main road, I slung the bag I had over my shoulder underneath my seat, grabbing my leather jacket and gloves beforehand, and got onto the bike.

Kickstarting the bike, I didn't know where I was going, what I was going to do.

All I knew was that I had a couple of grand saved up from the job that I had been working at in Port Angeles for the last couple of years or so – I'm a good saver. So sue me. On second thoughts …… don't – a few changes of clothes and my bike. That was all I had.

I had no idea where I was going and at that point I didn't really care. All I knew was that I had to get out of Forks. Now.

Nobody wanted me here.

I was like a plague that nobody wanted to be anywhere near. I knew that I'd brought it on myself, but I didn't want to be the one that everybody hated. I didn't want to think that I had lost my best friends and family, just because of a few stupid choices.

I wasn't _that_ guy, was I?

Then it hit me.

Yes. Yes I was. At least I was now.

I drove straight through Port Angeles, not stopping anywhere until I needed to fill up with gas or got hungry and even then it was only ten minutes stops or so. I still had no direction as such.

I had no idea how long I drove for, not paying attention to direction or time, but suddenly – at least it seemed like it was sudden to me – I was staring at a large _'Welcome to Chicago'_ sign. As I approached it, I thought about staying here. I was far enough away from my family by now for comfort. Maybe there was something here that I could do. Maybe I could start over in Chicago. Leave who I was behind.

_I wish_.

I knew that that would never happen. I would always be that boy deep down, but maybe, just maybe, in a new place I could try and push him down where he belonged. I wouldn't forget about who I was or what I had done though. No, I was going to have that imprinted on my body forever.

It was what I deserved.

Even though I had nowhere to live, no food or possessions other than those I was carrying on my person, the first place I went in search of was a tattoo shop. This was something I needed to get out of the way and marked onto my skin. I needed to feel the pain of the needle, marking me with the pain and torment I carried on the inside. The troubles that I didn't let anyone else see. Not even Bella, the one that I told everything to when we were growing up. She had known all of my secrets and fears, she had helped me when I needed it, just as I had her.

She had been my confidante.

And now she hated me as much as the others did and that was something that tore me apart. Every time I thought of Bella hating me, another piece of my heart died and another few bricks went into the wall I was building.

It might have been almost nine at night, but I found a place that was still open, looking fairly decent.

I parked my bike and went inside, hearing the bells ringing above me, announcing my presence in the shop.

"Be right out!" I heard a masculine voice call from somewhere in the back. After a moment or two an enormous tanned guy walked out from the back, drying his hands on some tissue before he threw it in the bin. He was covered in tattoos and piercings. Just from looking at him as he walked towards me, I counted three in his left eyebrow, two in his nose, more on his ears that I could count, two on the left side of his bottom lip and there were probably more underneath the clothing that he wore, but I didn't want to think about that. The tattoos he had were extravagant to say the least, the colours flowing into each other, morphing with the black and twisting into each other along the lines and contours of the muscles on his arms. Now, I was severly into girls, but I couldn't help but stare as his arms moved, just watching the way the colours moved when his muscles flex. It was entrancing to say the least. "What can I do for you……?" He trailed off at the end, hinting for my name,

"Edward." I offered and he nodded.

"I'm Jake." He held out his hand and I took it, feeling the calloused skin of his fingers against mine. "What can I do for ya?"

"I was wondering if you'd be able to do this for me." I held out the paper, which he took and unfolded, inspected it closely.

"Yeah." He nodded, looking at the paper intently. "I can try. Whoever did this has excellent precision and an eye for detail." He looked up at me. "You draw this?" He motioned to the paper and I nodded slightly, watching as a grin made its way onto his face. "You wouldn't be looking for a job at all, would ya?"

I swear my jaw dropped to the floor. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah." He waved the paper slightly. "You produce more like this, I can train ya up … ya know, be my apprentice … then, if you want, you can work here. What you think?"

I was stunned, standing there blinking like a dumbarse. "Are you sure? I mean, you don't even know me."

"All in good time." He grinned at me, stretching the numerous piercings he had on his lips out as he did so, the steel clashing greatly with his extensively white teeth. "I just lost an artist, so I'm looking for another to train. You up for it?" I stood there and shook my head slightly, clearing it before looking back up at him. He was still grinning at me. "Tell you what, let me see what I can do with this and then you give me your answer when you've decided, yeah?"

With that he disappeared into the back, taking my artwork with him.

Did I want to become a tattooist? Could I _do_ that job?

Hell, this Jake guy seemed to think I could and he'd only just met me. I could always give it a shot. And hell, it wasn't like I was turning people and placed down.

Before I knew it, Jake had finished my design, I'd agreed to become his apprentice, he'd said that he'd get 'contracts and shit' drawn up – his words not mine – for legal purposes apparently and I was lying, face down at his workstation while he inked the outline of the design I'd given him onto my back. It was all happening in such a blur and I knew that this could very well be the place that I could start over.

Thinking that, my mind flicked back to Forks.

What was everyone doing?

Were they worried about me?

It wouldn't surprise me if they weren't.

Emmett and the others had wanted me to leave. And leave I did. I wondered what they had done when they had realised I was gone. Did they feel bad about it? Did they not care? Maybe they hadn't even noticed yet.

Well, you know what they say …… _be careful what you wish for._

_**Well, what do you think?**_

_**Love? Hate?**_

_**Continue? Abandon?**_

_**Let me know.**_


	2. He's Here!

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I do own a grumpy kitty called Judy though.**

_Note to self  
I miss you terribly  
This is what  
We call a tragedy  
Come back to me  
Come back to me  
To me_

_'Note to Self' – From First To Last_

_***~* Bella *~***_

"Come on, Bells! It's perfect!" I heard, Alice calling me from deep inside my new Chicago apartment. Why she felt the need to go through all of my stuff, I don't know, but then again, she's been doing it my whole life, so why the hell should she stop now?

"I'm coming, Ali." I followed the sounds of her shrieks coming from somewhere deep inside my new closet, which just so happened to be large enough to set up your own boutique. It was the closet that sold Alice on the apartment, I'm sure. Of course, it was my decision, and _my_ decision was actually based on the fact that it was close to my new job as an English teacher at a high school here in the city and the fact that it was large, spacious, had an excellent kitchen, more than one bedroom and miraculously fell within my price range.

Alice flew past me in a whirlwind of colour and black spikes. You would have thought that after twenty-three years, I would have gotten used to her insane adrenaline rushes and energy levels, but nope. She still continued to surprise me with her heightened level of peppiness.

So unlike her twin-

I stopped that thought as I felt my heart lurch and the tears prick at my eyes.

It had been almost ten years and none of us had heard anything from Edward. He had just left. Without a trace and none of us had been able to find him, contact him in any way. He'd left his phone in his bedroom and his bike was no longer traceable seeing as it appeared he'd had the liscence plates replaced. He hadn't even touched his trust fund, that he had been able to get into since he turned eighteen. He could have had immediate access to it, seeing as it automatically entered his bank account on his eighteenth birthday, but no. Not a penny has been touched. Going in or out. The only difference with it, was the interest that the particular bank account Carlisle and Esme had set up for him added on with each passing year.

Nothing had been taken out.

That would have given us some idea of where he was, what he was doing and if he was okay. If he was _alive_. I hated to think it, but we didn't even know that much. It was too much to think about, too much, not knowing.

Esme and Carlisle had been distraught when they'd returned from their evening out. We hated telling them and had all hoped that Edward hadn't taken Emmett's words to heart. But it turned out that his motorbike was missing, as was his leather jacket, gloves and helmet.

He was gone.

Who knows where.

Doing who knows what.

That fight with Emmett was the last we'd seen of him. Not that we hadn't tried to find him.

Posters had gone up all over Forks, La Push, Port Angeles and Seattle, stating that Edward was missing. Apparently, Carlisle had even gone and put some up in Olympia and other neighbouring towns.

Nothing.

We heard absolutely nothing. Not even a report from the appeal that Carlisle and Esme broadcast on television begging Edward to come home or at least contact him in some way. And it wasn't like he blended in, what with his thick bronze hair, strong jaw-line, high-cheek bones, alabaster skin and perfectly straight nose. He was unique in himself. Just being him.

I wished that we could find him.

"Bella. Bella!" I didn't notice Alice standing in front of me, hands on her hips, tapping her foot until she tapped me on the head with the hanger that was in her hand. "Have you been listening to a word I've been saying?"

"Will I get hit again if I say no?" I asked, rubbing my head where the hanger had assaulted it.

She rolled her eyes and stalked off, muttering something about needing to fill closet space or something.

"We need to go shopping Bells." She called from the bedroom, making her way back out into the living room where I was currently sat. "I mean, half of your new closet is bare and the other half is screaming for an update. Come on."

She held out her hand and I scowled at her. "Alice, I do not need any more new clothes. I don't care if the closet is screaming out in agony over being empty. I will go shopping when I feel like it and not a moment before."

"You ruin everything, Bella." She stomped her heeled foot at me, her lip sticking out in an attempt to guilt me into yeilding. It used to work, but now all it did was to remind me of Edward, because he used to do the same thing.

My laughter died as Edward sprang back to mind. I couldn't help it. You would have thought that after almost ten years or so, that you would get over someone. Well, the person that says time heals all wounds can fuck off because they're talking a load of absolute shit.

"You're thinking about him again, aren't you?" Another voice said from the doorway and I looked up to see Rosalie standing there in all her model glory. She was so gorgeous that it knocked any girls self-esteem down a dozen points just being in the same room with her. It certainly didn't help mine any. I nodded slowly and a small, sympathetic smile appeared on her face. "Oh, honey." She crossed the room and wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

"I'm being a pathetic idiot, you don't have to hide that you think that from me." I mumbled and she chuckled slightly.

"No, Bells." She shook her head. "You're not pathetic."

"And it's my brother who's the idiot for leaving in the first place." Alice grumbled, inspecting her perfect nails in front of me.

"You can understand why though." I looked between the two of them, looking to see if they could. It didn't seem so. "I mean, he thought that everyone hated him, that everyone wanted him gone and out of our lives for good. Can you really blame him for not wanting to stick around when everyone was thinking that way about him?"

"I guess not." Rose mumbled, leaning her head against my temple. We'd had this conversation many, many times over the years and it always ended the same. I still don't think they understood where I was coming from.

All five of us had decided that we needed out of Washington, wanting to stick together, but branch out on our own. Emmett had determined that we would decided where to go by getting a map of the USA and pointing to it blindly. None of us had any better ideas so we went with his and ended up on Chicago. Call us stupid, but we figured that it was the easiest way to decide where to go.

Anyway, all of us had careers that could be moved across the country. I had been given an excellent recommendation from Port Angeles High, where I had been working before I had decided to move, Alice had just opened up a boutique that was doing excellent business in its first month due to her excellent knowledge for fashion trends and her quirky tastes, Jasper was going to become a history teacher at the same high school I would be working at, so at least I had someone I knew there before I even started. That helped to boost my confidence a little, knowing that Jazz was there to help me if I needed it. Emmett and Rose had collaborated and combined their knowledge and love of cars and opened their own garage. They had been in the city for three months now and their business was booming, although I was sure that Rosalie herself had soemthing to do with bringing in the new customers whereas their skills under the hood _kept_ the customers.

"But what I do need to do, is go food shopping, so you can help me with that." I looked up at Alice and she pouted at me again and I laughed. She might like shopping, but to her food shopping was incredibly boring. To Alice, there was nothing like a good ol' clothes shop.

"Alright, I'll let you off the shopping for today, bu-ut………" She smiled wickedly at me and I knew that I wasn't going to like whatever it was she'd come up with. "We're going out tonight."

"Hell yeah!" I heard Emmett shout from the doorway where he and Jasper were wrestling with a dresser. "This is the last of it."

"Good!" Alice chirped, pulling me up and leading me down towards the bedroom.

"Alice!" I moaned, knowing that she wasn't listening to me. "I don't wanna go-"

"It's either out or shopping." She turned and pointed a finger at me. "Which one is it gonna be?"

"Out." I mumbled, pressing a finger to my lips and biting on the nail absentmindedly.

"Alright then." She nodded, yanking my finger out of my mouth. "And stop doing that."

I followed her into the bedroom, grabbing a towel from one of the open boxes that had yet to be unpacked and going into the bathroom, knowing the drill by now. I saw that all of my toiletries were nicely linesw up on the counter underneath the mirror, all of my shower products on the small stainless steel shelves in the corner of the shower. The strange thing was, I wasn't surprised to see everything out. It would have confused me if they _hadn't_ been out to be honest.

I washed my hair with my favourite strawberry shampoo, letting the hot water relax my muscles as I stood under the heated spray.

After what I deemed to be around ten or fifteen minutes, I reluctantly climbed out of the shower and wrapped myself up in one of my large, fluffy, midnight blue towels and padded my way out into the bedroom again. I sighed and shook my head, seeing that Alice had already laid out my outfit for tonight.

She had decided that I would be wearing a pair of dark grey skinny jeans that I had only worn once before and that was in the shop I bought them from. They fit me like a second skin and made me feel extremely self conscious, but I wasn't about to argue with Alice. Punishment for that as a fate worse than death. She had paired them with a light blue halter neck that showed off a lot of my back and shoulders. Apparently, I was showing skin tonight and as the only unmarried one of the group, I was sure that the others were trying to set me up. It wasn't the first time they'd tried.

I was just adjusting the strapless bra that she had also felt the need to lay out for me, when the two of them burst through the door intent on attacking me with brushes and lipgloss. She did have incredible taste, I'll give her that, but I just wished that I was allowed to pick my own outfits sometimes. It did get a bit tedious.

Another half an hour later and I was done and ready to go and experience the Chicago nightlife. I just hoped that I wouldn't feel like a fifth wheel tonight, what with going out with two married couples. They were a great laugh and I loved all my friends dearly, but there were points in the day where I felt that pang of jealousy because they all had someone. They had someone to cuddle up to at night when watching the t.v., they had someone to curl up with in bed, and welcome the new day with, they had someone to eat their meals with and go grocery shopping with. It was those small, infitesimal things that I wanted. That I _yearned_ for. I'd had plenty of changes, but no one that I ever dated was the right guy. I was beginning to think that I would never find him.

_Maybe you already have._

That stupid voice in the back of my head was speaking to me again. Taunting me about how I let Edward get away. Not that I could have stopped him from leaving anyway. It wasn't like I ever told him how I felt. If I had then he would have shot me down, laughed at me and made me feel like a complete fool after shattering and burning my heard into pieces. _That_ was why I didn't tell him. But there was something in me, deep inside, that was telling me that maybe that wasn't true. That he wouldn't have reacted that way if I had just given him the chance.

I shook my head slightly, clearing my thoughts and earning myself a scolding from Rosalie, who was applying so much hairspray to my hair that I would have to steer clear of any smokers when we were out tonight.

"And you're done!" Alice squealed with delight as I stood up. "Oh! One more thing." She held up a pair of patented leather boots and I scowled at her. "Put them on, Bella!"

"Alright, alright, calm down." I raised my eyebrows at her as I sat down on the edge of my bed and she grinned, clapping her hands together. "Okay, they're on."

I stood up, wobbling slightly on the treacherous heels, but Alice quickly grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the door, past the boys who were looking on with amused expressions. I looked back at them as they followed us, flipping them the bird as I did so and they chuckled.

"Alice, what about my bag?" I asked and she held up two bags in front of her, calling that she had it without even glancing over her shoulder at me. I shook my head, chuckling as we all bundled into the elevator.

The two couples instantly moulded to each other and I immediately felt like the odd one out in the tiny enclosure.

We hailed a cab out on the street and Emmett said that there was this bar that he'd heard about that apparently was worth going to. He said that he and Rose would have checked it out beforehand, but they hadn't had the time apparently. I believed them on that one, seeing as their business was booming and taking up a lot of their time.

We split up into two cabs, there not being enough space in one of them for all five of us, the second holding Alice and Jasper who were following us in the cab we were in.

We stopped at the end of a road and the cabbie looked at us in the back. "Sorry, this is a pedestrian only road. Gotta drop you here."

"No problem." Emmett shook his head, getting out his wallet, shooting me down when I offered to put something towards it the fare.

We climbed out of the cab, meeting Alice and Jasper on the sidewalk and we walked down to the bar, passing an interesting array of shops that were all closed. I stopped outside one of them and looked at the name of it.

_New Moon Tattoos_

It was a tattoo shop.

I looked in and there was an enormous Indian looking guy sitting out front, conversing with a customer and someone else leaning over another person. I couldn't see anything of them from the shoulder up, but I did see their elaborately patterned arm each time they twisted to refill the ink, or pulled the needle away for some reason.

"What's the matter, Bells?" Emmett asked, walking up behind me and gazing into the shop. "You want a tatt?" He asked and I shook my head.

"No." I looked at the others, feeling slightly strange. "I don't know why, but I felt drawn to that shop for a minute. It was weird."

"You sure you're okay?" Alice asked as we started walking again. I nodded, keeping pace with her.

For a busy city, the streets weren't that alive at night, or maybe it was just this area of town that we were in. It didn't seem to be the most respectable place in the world, but it was a lot better than it could be I guess.

We walked for another minute or so, stopping outside a loud sounding bar. I could see Emmett grinning at the prospect of going inside and Alice and I rolled our eyes looking at each other for a split second. He was going to be like a kid in a fucking candy store, wasn't he? We both looked at Rose and she nodded her agreement to Emmett almost bouncing up and down. He loved going to new bars and clubs. It excited him almost as much as shopping did Alice. Almost.

I looked up at the name of the bar and saw that it was called _Eclipse_.

"Huh." I laughed once and the others looked at me, confused expressions on their faces. "I wonder if this street has a theme."

"What do you mean, Bells?" Jasper asked, the confusion in his voice matching that on his face.

"Well, the tattoo shop up there is called _New Moon_, this bar is called _Eclipse._" I looked at them, working it out. "What else is there going to be based around the phases of the moon?"

"I don't know, but that's a good observation there, Bella." Emmett nodded. "You know what would be better? Going _into _the bar."

"Well done, Emmett." Jasper cooed in the same way you would a newly trained puppet. "Who's a good boy?"

Emmett responded in the incredibly eloquent manner that consisted of … the middle finger. "Right, come on, let's go."

We made our way inside, me sandwiched in between the two couples, looking very out of place.

Well, saying that _I_ by myself looked out of place would be an understatement. We as a group looked out of place. As soon as we walked into the bar all I could see were tattoos and piercings. I felt incredibly mainstream compared to the obvious rebels that were in this particular bar.

"I'll start." Emmett looked around grinning. Although we were getting some pretty strange looks, no one dared to come near us with someone like Emmett around.

We looked around and spotted a table not too far from the bar. Well, I say table, it was more like an upside down barrel with a bench running around it, but then looking around, it seemed that they were all like that, and that was the particular décor of the bar. Seemed a little out of place for the middle of Chicago, but then again, most people in the bar didn't really fit in.

"Anyone else feeling a bit …… naked … ink-wise?" Jasper murmured and the three of us nodded in unison. I know I certainly did. The only ink I'd ever had was when we'd drawn on each other when we were little. I knew that that didn't compare to some of the incredible designs that some had on them.

"Look at him over there." Alice nodded towards a tall man, with black hair who had just stood up. He didn't have a shirt one, which I guess was okay seeing as he was nicely toned.

But it wasn't his muscles I was looking at.

It was the enormous tattoo on his back. It was an enormous black hole, with a single red eye peering out from its depths. There was a pair of hands on the sides of the whole, tearing at it from the inside, trying to free the eye and its owner from the depths of the hole. When he stood straight on, the tattoo had an almost 3D effect. It was an incredible piece of artwork.

"I wonder where he got it done." I murmured, catching the notice of the woman sitting with her back facing me.

"Oh, that?" She pointed at the man's back and I felt my cheeks flush slightly. "That's Ed's work from _New Moon_. The tatt place down the road. You go in there, they do fantastic work. My baby's had all his work done in there, haven't you babe?" A guy turned around and nodded at us before fixing his eyes back on the door, obviously waiting for someone to walk through them.

A hour or so later, we were all getting a bit tipsy, not really drinking fast enough to get drunk, but just enough to let loose for a few minutes. Jasper and Emmett went to play on the pool table for a little while, while Rose, Alice and I sat and talking about nothing in particular, bit it all sounding deeply philosophical and meaningul in our slightly enebriated state.

I tried to slide off of the bench as gracefully as I could, which for me wasn't very gracefully and I nearly landed on my arse instead of my feet.

"Shuup you two." I moaned at Rose and Alice as they snickered and giggled at me before I walked off to the bar.

I pushed my way over to the bar, leaning on it to try and gain someone's attention so I could get away from all the drunk assholes trying to cop a feel and get back to my friends. Only Emmett would choose this sort of bar. It had his name written all over it.

"Hey, Jane." I froze. That voice. It was so familiar. Too familiar. It was a voice I hadn't heard in years and when I _had_ last heard it, it had been hissing words of anger and venom at me. _He can't be here. Now! Can he?_

I pushed myself away from the bar, making my way back over to the others only to see them pouting at me for forgetting the drinks.

"Um… Bells." Jasper waved his arm in a circle, signalling that I'd forgotten something. "Forget something?"

"I know, but I have something to tell you." I told them, looking around at them all.

"You're taking some manhunk home with you?" Alice sat there bouncing up and down, clapping a huge grin on her face. All of that stopped when I shook my head at her and she looked confused at me. "What, then?"

"He's here." I stated plainly. I saw three faces turn to shock and one of them still masked in confusion.

"Who's here?" Emmett asked, looking around at everyone.

"Santa." I quipped, sarcasm dripping in my tone as I slid in next to Alice. "Who do you think? Edward, you dipshit." I hissed and his features grew dark.

"I thought we weren't going to talk about him tonight." Emmett took a swig of his beer and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Kind of hard when I've _found him_." I nodded my head over to the bar where sure enough, a distinctive head of bronze coloured hair was knocking back three shots in a row.

I saw him put some money on the bar and _holy shit_ he turned our way. Even though I knew that I should, I couldn't look away from him and I felt my jaw drop when I saw him.

He looked almost the same as when I'd last seen him, but with one major difference.

_The steel_.

He was covered in piercings. He had two in his left eyebrow and one in his right, but the one in his right was weird, going lengthways _along_ his eyerbrow, instead of through. I'd not seen that before. He had those plug things in his ears. Not the huge ones that you could stick your whole fist through, but smaller completely full black disc things. I also saw he had two piercings on his bottom lip, one on each side. I knew the name for that one, but I couldn't remember what the hell it was. Something to do with snakes I think. I noticed that he had rings and bars going through his ears as well.

I watched him as he made his way through the crowd, watching his profile and I saw that his nose was no longer perfectly straight as it had once been. Had something happened? Something must have happened for him to break his nose. Only a break would cause an imperfection like that. Not that he was perfect to begin with, but he was pretty damn close and I'm rambling now so I'm going to shut up. Anyway, Edward's _new_ appearance.

As he moved, I saw that it wasn't only the steel going through his body that he had added. He was absolutely covered in tattoos.

They were the most beautiful pieces of artwork I had ever seen. What I could see of them anyway. I wanted to be able to see them all.

He still moved with that stealth and cunning that always used to save him from regular beatings from Emmett. Or at least, kept him alive from. Emmett may be bigger with his enormous muscles and height, but Edward was a lot faster, ducking and weaving out of the way. Saved him many a broken bone, I'm sure.

"That's it." Emmett hissed under his breath, slamming the beer bottle on the table in front of him and heading in the way that Edward had walked. Out the door, thankfully enough.

The four of us looked at each other before taking off after Emmett, not wanting him to do any real damage to Edward at all, although from the looks of it, he can take care of himself nowadays. Either that or people are so transfixed by his appearance that they don't go near him at all.

Honestly, even with all the ink and steel, I couldn't see people avoiding him.

We made it out onto the street to hear a scuffle happening a little ways down.

"Shit." Alice hissed under her breath and we all took off in the direction we could hear the noises coming from.

We rounded the corner to see Emmett standing over Edward who was holding his nose in one hand, pressing the wrist of said hand into his lip. Pulling his hand away I could make out the faint outline of blood on his chin, thankful that I couldn't see it properly or that would have been me on the floor.

Instead, I focused on Edward himself, watching how he moved as he stood up, pressing the back of his hand to his lip again and inspecting it for more signs of blood.

"Hi there, little brother." Emmett grinned down at Edward, who looked up at him as he stood up, clearly not seeing Emmett properly in the faint glow of the street.

"Fuck." I heard a breathy sigh come out of Edward as he pressed the back of his hand to his lip again. "Emmett?" He looked up at him and then the rest of us, a pissed off scowl crossing his face. "Fuck this."

He turned away from us and walked down the street turning down the street at the end.

We all looked at each other and followed him, turning in the direction that he went in, but were surprised to see that the street was completely deserted.

What the hell was that all about?

**_I know the chapters are short at the moment, but they will get longer as the story progresses, so don't worry about that._**

_**Love? Hate?**_

_**Continue? Abandon?**_

_**Let me know.**_


	3. Intrusion

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I do however own a laptop that never does a thing I bloody well want it to.**

_Treading water in the fountains of life,  
The undercurrents grow strong enough to pull me inside.  
Tranquil on the surface tension may seem,  
Unknown what stirs so dark deep beneath._

_Reflections break and the waves crash to the shore,  
Weakened limbs as fatigue from treading water grows.  
Inhale the last single solitary breath of air,  
Now I'm sinking, going under._

'_Surface Tension' – i-(def)-i_

_***~* Edward *~***_

"That'll be one seventy five then, Al." I looked over the counter at Alec, one of my regular customers. I'd just given him a pretty much perfect replica of his girlfriend, Renata on his right bicep. Why anyone would want to have someone else inked into their skin for the rest of their lives I have no idea. A lot of the time I'd found those types of tattoos to be relationship killers. Never get a matching tatt. It'll always end with a coverup.

I didn't have any more appointments booked for the evening, but I did have a design that needed a slight reworking. Something wasn't quite right with it, and I couldn't figure out what the fuck it was.

"Hey." Jake called from the back and I hummed in response, still trying to work out this goddamn design. I knew that Eric, the guy it was for, wouldn't complain about it. He never did, but I wouldn't feel right inking him with it if I was unhappy with it. "You okay?" He asked, walking up behind me and peering over my shoulder.

"Yeah." I sighed, setting one of my arms down, laying it flat against the armrest of the chair. "This design is fucking me off, though."

"You'll work it out." He said, moving away and settling down in the chair on the other side of the desk that we both used to work out new or modify already existing designs. "You always fuckin' do."

"This one is being a shitbitch, though." I mumbled, running the stud on the end of my tongue bar against the back of my teeth before clamping it between two of my back teeth, rolling it as I rolled my jaw back and forth.

Suddenly, Jake grabbed a magazine, rolled it up and I felt the sharp sting as it collided with the back of my head, making me yelp in pain. "Ow! You fucktard, what the hell was that for?"

"You're rolling that fucking bar again, you ass!" He shot back, laying the magazine back down on the table before looking back at the design he was looking at. "You're gonna crack another molar doing that and you know it."

My extremely intelligent answer was to flip him the bird.

"What the hell ever, man." He waved me off, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "You probably can't work on the design because you've been going non stop all fucking day. Go to Eclipse, have yourself a couple of shots and then get your ass back here and see what you can do with it."

I sighed, tossing the pencil I was rolling in between my fingers on the table and running my tonuge over my bottom lip, feeling the studs of my snakebites from the inside. Even though I'd had them done for years, it still felt weird. Meh. That's what I get I suppose.

"Yeah, you're probably right." I sighed, my head lolling back on the seat behind me. "Might as well." I reached over into a small chest that I had on the desk, opening up one of the tiny drawers and pulling out two rings. I didn't like to go out wearing studs in my lip, just as I didn't like to work wearing the rings. I was weird. Not my fault.

I quickly replaced the studs with the rings, tucking the studs into the small drawer before closing it and waved a 'see you later' to Jake before heading out of the door and down the street.

I couldn't help but smile as I heard the bells above the door chime as I closed it. It reminded me of what I'd worked for for the last ten years or so. Near enough ten years anyway.

After Jake had done my first tattoo, he'd set everything up for me to become his apprentice. Apparently, the attention to detail that I'd put into the design he'd done on me had piqued his interest in what I could do. According to Seth, the resident piercer of _New Moon_, that was very hard to do.

After I'd completed my apprenticeship, Jake had given me a job and I'd slowly but steadily worked up a solid clientele. I had my regulars that came in, like Alec, who were always getting compliments from passers by or friends and recommending me, expanding the circle of those I inked. A lot of my clients drank in _Eclipse_, so even if I went there on my own, like I was tonight, I'd never be on my own for long.

And I never left on my own either.

When I'd first arrived in Chicago, I'd explained my predicament to Jake and he'd told me that there was an empty space above the shop that I could stay in until I could find somewhere. It didn't take me long, and with the wages Jake was paying me, I was able to keep myself in a pretty nice place. Not really an apartment you'd expect a runaway to be living in.

Jake had done all of my ink, and Seth my piercings. Even though I could tell that he wanted to know, Jake didn't ask about the specific reasons behind my tatts – because they _all_ had a reason behind them – and I didn't offer up the information. All he knew was that there had been a falling out back at home and I had left. He told me that he didn't need to know anymore than that, but if I was willing to talk to him about anything, he would be there. I thanked him for that and had welcomed his invitation more than once, explaining about the fight that Emmett and I had had before I left, but not really adding in any detail.

He respected my privacy, just as I respected his.

We had a silent understanding.

A couple of years after I arrived in Chicago, when I had worked up enough cash, I offered to buy half of the shop off him, wanting a more solid base to work on. I was expecting him to say 'thanks but no thanks' but to my surprise, he agreed. Apparently, he'd been trying to work out how to ask me if I was interested in a co-ownership of the shop. He said that he would have asked Seth, but he knew that Seth had no desire to be a part of the partnership, simply content to do his job. He never _did_ explain why he was going to offer, and as per our silent agreement, I didn't ask, waiting for him to offer the information.

Nothing really changed, apart from the fact that my name was now on the deeds to the business. It still ran in the same way, both of us with our clients, sometimes collaborating on designs when needed, but in essence settling things our own way.

It was a good relationship. Mellow. That's what I needed after leaving Washington, where everything had been similar to a volcanic eruption, bubbling just beneath the surface.

I sighed, walking into the bar. I did miss Washington. I know that it was my decision to leave, but I just couldn't take it there anymore. I had to get out. Knowing how everyone felt about me, and having to live with how I was making them feel every day made my insides churn and ache. I know that it was selfish of me to leave, but I didn't see any other way out.

I'd seen my parents broadcasts on the television, heard them on the radio and each and every time, I turned the station or the channel over, not able to bear what I was doing to them. I knew that with every day that went past, the more the chance that they would give up was. It was just a matter of time before everyone forgot about me.

I wasn't expecting them to remember.

Walking into the bar, I was hit with familiar sights, sounds and smells. A couple of people tilted their bottles at me, saying a silent hello. I nodded in return, making my way over to the bar where suddenly I was hit with an extremely familiar scent of strawberries and freesia.

I shook my head, dispelling that idea. There was no way that it could be what I thought it was. It wasn't possible. So I went back to what I was originally in the bar for.

"Hey, Jane." I called and she grinned at me, the snake tattoo that twisted and curled around her shoulder moving as she made her way over to me.

"Hey, Ed." She grinned and I scowled at her. I still hated that name, but she was one of my regular clients and she teased me with the name endlessly. "What can I get you?" She asked, tilting her head at me.

"Three of the usual." I told her, leaning against the bar and perching on a stool that had just vacated next to me. I looked down to see that the previous owner had passed out on the floor. I couldn't help but chuckle as I noticed that it was one of Jake's regular customers, Embry Call. For some reason he was always on edge when I was around. I hadn't done anything to him that I knew of, but oh well, can't be friends with everybody. The bump in my once perfectly straight nose will tell you that much.

"Three?" She raised an eyebrow at me, placing three shot glasses on the bar in front of me, filling them with tequila. "You feeling alright?" She looked at me concerned and I nodded, knocking all three of the shots back in quick succession, not bothering with the salt or lemon that she offered me. She should really know by now that I don't go for that pussy shit.

"Never fucking better." I nodded at her, throwing a note on the bar. "Just got a design that's pissing me off like the cocksuck it is." She nodded, taking the money. "Anyways, gotta get back. See ya, Jane."

"Later." She called as I slid off the stool and turned towards the door. I could feel someone watching me, which in this bar was weird because the only ones that stood out here were those without ink or piercings. And they knew to just not come in here. I didn't bother to look for anyone who might be watching me as I sidestepped some rowdy fuckups who were going to have the mother of all hangovers in the morning. I'm just glad it wasn't me that had to clean up after them if they spewed everywhere.

I walked out of the bar, taking in a lungful of the crisp Chicago air, which was refreshing even after just five minutes in the stuffy, overheated bar that was filled with the feel of sweat, smoke and alcohol in the air. I preferred being outdoors. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I grew up in a small town.

Who knows?

As I walked back towards the shop, I heard the door to the bar open behind me and I heard the heavy footsteps of someone following me. I rolled my eyes, wondering who it was this time, pondering whether or not to stop when a startlingly familiar voice shouted my name.

"Edward!" I stopped and turned around, instantly meeting an oversized fist that managed to make contact with my nose and my lip ring at the same time, causing the flesh around it to tear slightly, making it bleed. The force of the blow caused me to fall backwards grabbing at both my nose and my lip, as the guy stood over me, not moving, which I thought was pretty fucking weird.

I heard more footsteps running towards us as I looked up. I couldn't make out who it was looming over me, but I could see that the cocksucker was grinning from ear to ear for some reason unknown to anyone else but this pillock of a mother fucker.

"Hi there, little brother." I heard the smug tone in his voice and I knew exactly who it was.

_Emmett_.

What the fuck was he doing here? In Chicago?

"Fuck." I couldn't help the sigh that escaped me as I stood up, trying to see him properly in the dim light the street provided. When were they going to replace the shitting bulbs in the goddamn streetlamps? "Emmett?" I looked him up and down, knowing who the others were instantly. Could I bring myself to face them? I had to.

I looked over them, registering the shocked expressions on their faces as they took in my appearance. I managed to suppress a smirk, knowing that I looked a lot different to the Edward that they used to know. Hell, he was a dick that was afraid to stand up to his family.

Now he's just a dick.

My gaze passed swiftly over them, not wanting to linger on anyone. Even though I didn't look at them for more than a second each, I still registered the different emotions on their faces.

Alice was shocked, probably at the prospect of finding her long lost twin brother. But she also looked confused and conflicted, probably trying to decided whether or not to hit me or hug me. I didn't want her to do either. I might not have deserved one, but I sure as hell didn't want the pixie wrath.

Rosalie and Jasper were easier to figure out. I could tell that the two of them probably wanted to skin me alive for leaving all those years ago. Their blue eyes were cold and hard, not liking the fact that I was standing here in front of them. Obviously the animosity and anger that they had felt about me had not dissipated at all over the years after I had left. If anything, I would say that it had only grown.

Emmett looked much like Alice did, only his eyes were filled with a certain smugness that probably came from the fact that he had just landed one right on the side of my face. A privelege that had been torn away from him the last night I was in Washington. I was sure that given the chance, he would make up for the denial he faced that night.

The last face I looked at was the one that I did not want to see. I had been the world's biggest man bitch to the last person standing in front of me and I didn't have the balls to face her again at the moment. I didn't think that I ever would.

Bella.

The look on her face was one that I couldn't decipher. Normally, I was good at reading people. Always had been. But with Bella, there was nothing there in her eyes or her expression that would allow me to decipher what was going on in that mind of hers. It was a problem that I had been faced with ever since we first moved to Forks. She was the one enigma that I couldn't figure out and it frustrated me to no end before I left.

I knew that I couldn't deal with facing any of them tonight.

If ever.

So I did the only thing that I could think to do. It wouldn't get rid of them, I knew that, but still, it would hopefully make them see that I didn't want to speak to them now.

"Fuck this." I turned around and walked away as quickly as I could without breaking into a run, wuickly stepping into the shop before I heard them round the corner.

"You okay, man?" Jake asked from where he was sitting on one of the plush leather sofas that adorned our waiting room. I pressed the pad of my thumb to my lip ring, pulling it back to find that it was still bleeding slightly. He had really done a number with that fucking punch. I shook my head, walking across the shop to where the mirror hang on the wall. I removed the lip ring, wincing slightly at the sting of the steel as it came into contact with the tender skin.

I wet a piece of tissue, gently cleaning it of blood as Jake walked up behind me.

"Shit, dude." He chuckled. "I can't leave you alone for five minutes without you getting into a flippin' fight, can I?" I flipped him the bird in the reflection and he chuckled at me, shaking his head. "What happened?"

"Family's in town." I mumbled, dabbing at the ripped skin, making sure that it had stopped bleeding before I turned and grabbed the studs from the drawer I had placed them in, unscrewing one and putting it through the hole that I was sure was going to scab soon. "Fuck." I hissed.

"What?" Jake asked, turning to face me again.

"I think that hurt more than getting the piercing did." I winced, screwing up the ball and removing the other ring from the undamaged hole, replacing it with the stud before I made my way into the back room, flicking the switch on the kettle, starting the boil.

I walked out into the main shop, with a now boiling glass of salt water, and dropped the bloodied lip ring into it, hoping for a certain level of sterilisation before I put them away. It was only ever my rings or studs that lived in that drawer, but I didn't want to risk anything happening because I had been careless.

"How you doing?" Jake asked as I sat down and I sighed, running and through my hair.

"Honestly," I mumbled, wondering where to start. "I don't have a fucking clue."

"What do you mean?" He asked, setting the design he was working on aside and looking at me.

I shrugged, shaking my head. "Exactly that. They just appeared out of fucking nowhere and I haven't got a clue what to do."

"What do you think they're doing here?" He asked, intrigue and confusion lacing his tone and I glared at him.

"Leave it alone, Jake." I growled at him, and he put his hands up, sitting back in his chair, indicating that he wasn't going to push it. I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration. "I don't know what the fuck they're doing here. Much less, in the bar at the end of the fucking street. Goddammit!"

"Edward!" Jake was standing up now. He grabbed my biceps, one in each hand spun me around in my chair to face him. "Calm. The. Fuck. Down." I took a deep breath and nodded, clearing my head slightly as he moved away. "You're worked up now. Go the fuck home and clear your goddamn head. I don't know what's going on in there and the moment, and I sure as hell don't want to know because I know it ain't gonna be pretty." I flipped him off and he chuckled. "Get some fucking sleep and sort everything out in your own head. Don't come back until your appointment with Sam tomorrow."

I nodded, knowing that what he was saying was true. I had to clear my head. I had to sort out what I was going to do.

For whatever bloody reason, the people that I had tried to escape by coming here were now here. In Chicago. And they knew that I was here. I doubted that I was going to be able to avoid them.

They were going to want to know why I behaved the way I did. Why I left. And I wasn't ready to divulge that particular piece of information with them yet. I didn't think I ever would be. It was all too close to my heart. It hurt too much to tell and I knew that they would never understand. If they were the same as I remembered, they wouldn't listen to what I had to say.

"Alright." I sighed, standing up as Jake backed off.

I grabbed my shit out of the office in the back and made my way out to the front of the shop.

"I'll see you tomorrow then, yeah?" Jake called as I walked past him. I answered him by giving him a thumbs up and I walked out of the shop.

I sighed to myself, reaching into my pocket, finding my packet of cigarettes right in the very bottom. Why the fuck to I wear these jeans? The pockets should belong to Mary fucking Poppins they're so goddamn huge. Plucking a cigarette out of the packet, along with the lighter that I had put in there as well, I sparked up, making my way down the street towards my apartment block, which only happened to be about a five minute walk away from the shop.

Due to my hastened pace, I made it home before I had even finished my cigarette, which was a miracle seeing as normally I dawdled my way home, not enjoying the fact that I lived alone and never had anyone to come home to at night.

That thought alone was a little more than depressing.

I'd been on my own for ten years. Free and single. I hadn't had a single serious relationship in all that time.

Obviously there had been fucks. Some good. Some bad. And some horrific. I couldn't tell you a place in my apartment that I hadn't fucked someone on. Other than my bed. That shit didn't happen in my room. Everywhere else was fair game, but I didn't want anything happening in my room. If shit happened in there, then bitches thought that it meant something when it really didn't. They thought that it could become something when, sorry sweetheart, a 'wham bam thank you ma'am' is all I'm looking for.

I pulled off my jacket, hanging it up on the hook just inside of my door and slipped off my shoes before I walked into my apartment. Yeah, I might be covered in tattoos and piercings, but I liked my personal space to be neat. Jake called me anal about it, whereas I thought that it was just common sense to keep things tidied away where they were easily accessible.

What was it he always said to me?

'_Tidy people are just too lazy to look for things.'_

What-the-fuck-ever, Jake.

I really didn't know how his girlfriend put up with him a lot of the time. Mae must have the pateince of a saint.

I made myself a quick omlete before I made my way to my bedroom and changed into my pyjamas, which purely consisted of a black pair of sweatpants.

I flopped down on my bed, face down, burying my head deep underneath my pillows, letting sleep take me over, welcoming the dark escape that it provided.

The next thing I knew, I was being woken from an extremely strange dream that involved Jake trying to ink me with a rubber chicken while we were sat in the middle of _Eclipse_. I looked at the clock on my bedside table, wondering what the fuck had woken me up, and trying not to wig out at the weirdness of the dream.

I growled into my pillow, seeing that it was 4:34AM.

I heard a loud pounding on my door and my head shot up. _Who the fuck could that be at this time?_ Not even the stranger people I knew would think to come pounding on my door at this time in the flipping morning. Whoever it was was going to get a fucking earful.

As the pounding on the door resumed I slid out of my bed, grabbed a tshirt and slid it on, making my way over to the door, not seeing the cat that was slinking its way across the floor right in front of me until it was directly under my feet. Even then I didn't actually _see _it. More like felt the fluff for half a second before it hissed and I landed flat on my face.

"Fuck a duck!" I cursed loudly, glaring in the direction I knew the sodding cat had disappeared in. "You little fucker. Nix! Come here!" I growled and she mewled at me, looking forlorn. "Come here." I raised myself to my knees and she approached me, slowly, knowing that she was in trouble.

She meowed at me softly, pressing her hand into mine and I realised that I couldn't stay mad at her. She was a beautiful silver tabby that the woman down the corridor had given me. Her cat had just had eight kittens and she had no idea what to do with them. It was then that she knocked on my door and I soon found a six week old kitten in the palm of my hand. I didn't want to offend Mrs. Nichols, and after I really looked at her, I didn't have the heart to take her to a shelter. I'd never really been a cat person, but I'm not ashamed to say that when I looked into her giant green eyes, I did fall in love with Nix. She was just what I needed. So the next day I down to the pet store and bought all kinds of shit for her, and made appointments at the vets to have her jabs done and get her electronically tagged. At five months old, she was still a kitten, so I couldn't really blame her for being freaked out by the pounding on the door, which decided to start up again at that point.

Nix darted into my bedroom, terrified and I would be lying if I said that I didn't want to be right behind her. _Who the fuck is trying to break down my door? It's still fucking dark out._

I got up again, making my way over to the door and opened it slowly, suppressing a groan at who was standing there in front of me.

"What the fuck do you want?" I asked the five people from my past who were all staring at me, indignant and expectant expressions on their faces.

"What a nice way to greet us, Edward." Rosalie said from behind my oaf of a brother. Well, I say 'said' but it came out as more of a sneer. She was still pissed. You would have thought that after a decade, she would have gotten over whatever shit she had wrong with me.

Obviously not.

"You gonna invite us in?" Alice asked, her eyes wide in pleading.

I avoided looking at her eyes, knowing that they would most likely be pulling that pleading look that she always used to get her way when we were younger. Of course I was guilty of using it as well, but never to the extent that Alice did.

"First, I'd like to know what the hell you're doing trying to break my door down at the ass-crack-of-stupid-fucking-o'clock in the morning." I shot back and they all bristled against the hostility in my tone. I heard a door open a little way down and Mrs. Nichols appeared, a dazed look on her face. She looked from me to the five strangers in the hallway, a wary look on her face.

"Are you okay, Edward, dear?" She asked, looking at me with worry in her eyes.

"Everything's fine. Go back to bed." I told her in a calm voice and she nodded, looking between the others and myself, silently telling me that if she heard anything untoward going on, then she would be on the phone to the police straight away. She slowly made her way back into her apartment and I glared at the others. "Well?"

"Well, what?" Emmett asked, still standing in front of the others.

"What the hell do you want?" I asked, closing the door slightly, realising that Nix could have reemerged and I really didn't want to have to go chasing her down the corridor. Not right now anyway.

"Don't you think that it should be _us_ asking you the questions, Edward?" Jasper stepped up next to Emmett, a scowl marring his features. "I mean, you're the one that just disappeared. You're the one that broke your parents hearts because he was too much of a fuck-up to face his problems."

"Don't go there, Jasper." I growled, squaring up to him. "You have no fucking clue, so don't pretend that you do."

"Then why don't you explain it to us." I nearly froze at the sound of her voice. It had been so long since I'd heard it and yet it still made me feel weak. I hated that she had that ability. With only a few simple words, she had the power to make me do whatever she wanted. She never did realise the power that she held over me.

Bella.

I didn't look at her, knowing that I wouldn't be able to resist those enormous chocolate orbs.

"Like any of you would listen." I muttered, just before Emmett grabbed the front of my tshirt and caused me to turn my attention to him.

"Look, Edward." He growled, pushing open my front door and motioning for the others to walk in. "You owe us some goddamn answers. And we're going to get them."

With that he pushed past me, and stalked into my apartment, the others following him. Rose and Jasper had no qualms about shoving past me into my home, but Alice and Bella on the other hand, brushed past me as though they knew that I wasn't happy about them being here and wanted them all gone as soon as possible.

I walked through into my living area to find Emmett and Rose sitting together on the larger of my two sofas, with Bella sitting nervously at the end, not really knowing what to do with herself, obviously. It was clear that she didn't want to be here, knowing that barging in here was wrong, no matter what had happened in the past. Jasper was sat on the armchair, holding Alice in his lap, as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Make yourselves at fucking home." I muttered, making my way into my kitchen, running my hands through my hair.

"You know, we didn't come here to sit in your living room and make idle chitchat with each other." I heard Rosalie's condescending tone behind me.

"Then tell me, Rose." I turned around to face her, hoping that my expression conveyed how thoroughly pissed off I was. "What the fuck are you doing here? Huh?"

"We wanted to talk to you." She shrugged, seeming as though it was normal behaviour for them to do this. Who knows, maybe it was nowadays.

"And that's what we're going to do." Emmett said, walking up behind Rosalie, standing behind her protectively. "Now." He walked around her and grabbed my arm, pulling me forcefully through to where the others were.

Unfortunately, Nix decided that she was going to make a reappearance in the only way she knew how. Getting under someone's bloody feet.

"Emmett, what out for the ……… cat." I mumbled the last word just after an almight shriek rang through the apartment, startling the others as Emmett fell flat on his arse.

I made my way into the kitchen, knowing exactly where Nix had hidden herself away.

There was a gap between one of the cupboards and the wall, that was just big enough for her to fit in while she was the size she was. I knew that I would have to board it up soon, as I didn't want to risk her getting stuck down there when she was older and therefore, larger.

"Nix." I called softly and she mewled at me in protest. She didn't want to come out and quite frankly I didn't blame her. "Come on." I held out my hand to the opening of the hole and felt the tiny puffs of air as she sniffed my fingers, catching my scent. When she seemed to realise that I was in fact me and not one of the strangers filling her home she slowly crept out of the hole and into my lap, where I picked her up.

Her paws instantly latched themselves around my neck in a sort of a kitty hug as she pressed her head up against my jaw, a rumbling starting in her throat.

I stood up and made my way back out into the living room where the others were all waiting for me.

"Now, if you've finished terrorizing my cat, I'd like you to leave." I stated coldly as Nix continued to rub herself against me, purring steadily in my ear.

"Not until we get some answers." Emmett scowled at me.

"Well, you're going to be for a very long time." I replied just as coldly, walking past him. He grabbed my arm in a warning way and I glared at him. "I don't really want my cat to end up as a pancake tonight, so … let … me … go."

His nostrils flared as he glared at me, debating whether or not to let go of my arm. He did eventually and I took Nix to my bedroom, gently settling her on my bed, running my hand down her back from her head to the tip of her tail a couple of times, listening to her purr.

I sighed and walked out of my bedroom, wanting them the fuck out of my apartment. And now.

"What the fuck do you want?" I growled at them all and they turned to look at me.

"We want to talk to you, Edward." Alice stated gently, standing up, though Jasper didn't let go of her hand so she couldn't make her way over to me, like I could tell that she wanted to.

"And you had to do that now because……"

"We knew that you'd be home now." Emmett shrugged, not taking his eyes off of me as he approached me. "You're not getting out of this, Edward. You owe us a lot of answers. And we're going to get them."

"Is that so?" I didn't back down. I wasn't scared of Emmett. He wouldn't do anything too damaging to me purely because of Mom, Dad and Alice. It would hurt them too much if something happened to me, even if I had been a prick and not had any contact with them for the last decade or so.

"Yes, it is." He replied through gritted teeth, grabbing my arm again and wrenching me to sit down between him and Jasper, who had moved to swap seats with Bella, who was now sitting on the other sofa I had in my living area.

I rolled my eyes as Jasper sat next to me and Emmett sat on the ottoman in front of me, obviously trying to psych me out. _Newsflash Emmett! Not working._

"If this is your good cop, bad cop routine, then it's really crap." I told him, smirking and he rolled his eyes at me.

"Why did you leave, Edward?" Alice asked in a small voice. "Why?"

I sighed but didn't answer her, not wanting to let any of them in. I'd spent too long putting up the walls around my secrets, my heart, to let them out now. I'll be damned if they were going to break them down that easily.

"She asked you a question, Edward." Jasper sneered, obviously not liking the fact that I was essentially ignoring Alice.

I felt Nix at my feet and leaned over, picking her up off the floor, letting her settle in my lap where she promptly curled up and fell asleep, purring to her hearts content.

"We're not leaving until you give us some answers, Edward." Rosalie warned me and I looked at her.

"Has it not crossed any of your minds that I don't want you here?" I looked around at all of them. "Has it not occurred to any of you that I left to get away from all of you, and that just because you happen to be here, now, where I am does not change anything? Have any of you considered that fact? That I left for reasons only known to me and that is the way it's going to fucking stay!"

I took a hold of Nix, and made my way into my bedroom, locking my door and setting her down before I flopped onto my bed.

I hated that they were here. I hated that they'd found me.

I lay on my side this time, feeling Nix jump up on my bed and settling into me, beginning to purr loudly as she fell asleep almost instantly. _Lucky bugger_. I thought, closing my eyes, not giving a shit that they were here anymore.

They weren't going to listen to me, so I figured why bother.

Nothing was going to change anyway. They still hated me and I still hated myself. Same old, same old I guess.

_**Love? Hate?**_

_**Continue? Abandon?**_

_**Push that little green button and let me know what you think.**_


	4. He's Not Teddy Bear Anymore

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I do however own a lovely blue and green sleeping bag. It's very comfy.**

_You promised me the ending would be clear  
You'd let me know when the time was now  
Don't let me know when you're opening the door  
Stab me in the dark, let me disappear_

_Memories that flutter like bats out of hell  
Stab you from the city spires  
Life wasn't worth the balance  
Or the crumpled paper it was written on_

'_Bring Me The Disco King' – David Bowie_

***~* **_**Bella**_** *~***

I know it was wrong of us to follow Edward home once we caught sight of him walking down the street again and I tried as hard as I could to persuade the others not to do it, but they wouldn't listen to me. In their opinion, Edward owed us answers and they wanted them sooner rather than later.

Emmett even phoned Carlisle and Esme, telling them that we had found him and they moved their flight out here to the next day. They were coming out to Illinois to see us anyway, why couldn't it have waited. I didn't know why he couldn't have told them when they got out here. It would have made it a lot easier on everybody. He didn't tell them about the piercings and tattoos that Edward had acquired over the years since he'd disappeared, only stating that he'd 'changed'.

Telling them that before they got here, in my eyes, was wrong, because they were dropping everything to get here sooner. I didn't expect anything different from them, but I had expected Emmett to have some semblance of tact.

He was right though. Edward _had_ changed.

He had become as cold as the steel that ran through his skin. His eyes were hard and he was guarded. So much more so than he had been before he ran away. So very different to the Teddy Bear that I loved.

I did see some resemblance, some tiny remainder of the old Edward come through when he was caring for his cat after Emmett had trodden on it. It was obvious that he cared for the tiny creature, by the way he held it as he walked out of the kitchen, it nuzzling into his jaw, purring loudly, content to have him there after it's run-in with Emmett.

It was the next day and Esme and Carlisle were due to land later on in the evening.

"You know, ever since we walked past that tattoo place yesterday, I've been thinking about _finally_ getting on." Alice chirped, walking into the living room, placing a cup of coffee in front of me.

"Are you sure?" I asked, raising a sceptical eyebrow at her. We had had this conversation many times after she had turned eighteen, knowing that her parents couldn't do anything about it if she got one. She had wanted one for ages and yet was terrified of needles. She was afraid of the needles and the pain, but she had been determined to get one for ages. I knew that she would someday get over it, but I didn't think it would be any time soon.

"Yeah." She nodded, taking a seat and sipping on her own coffee. "You know I've wanted one for ages and you saw that piece on that guy's back last night. That woman said it was done in _New Moon_, so it's pretty obvious that they've got at least one incredible artist."

"I guess so." I nodded, sipping my coffee and staring at the dust particles that were swirling around in the patch of sunlight that glimmered through Alice's living room window.

"Well then, let's go." She grinned at me, yanking my cup out of my hands and marching of into the kitchen. That was a crime that was punishable by death if committed by anyone other than Alice. Not that I'd ever admit it, but that pixie scares the shit out of me.

I sighed, rolling my eyes, getting up off of the sofa and putting my shoes on before following an impatient Alice out of the door.

We hailed a cab, directing it to take us to the road that we had been dropped off at last night, now knowing that it was a pedestrian only zone.

Getting out of the cab, Alice was practically buzzing with excitement. Walking down the street, I asked her if she was sure about this and I in return I got a look that just said "Duh, Bella!" I didn't argue because, like I said, she scared the shit out of me.

Hearing the bells above the door announcing our arrival, the enormous Indian guy I'd seen the night before walked out grinning at us.

"What can I do for you, ladies?" He asked as we stared at him, entranced at the way his tattoos rippled as his muscles moved beneath his skin.

"I want a tattoo." _Duh, Alice!_

"Alright." He clapped his hands together once, biting on his lip, sucking one of his piercings into his mouth, clearly trying to work out the best course of action. "Well, I'm book up but you choose a design and I'll ask my partner – in business." He added quickly and we giggled slightly at his little faux pas. "I'll ask him to come out and help you. He's free for a couple of hours, so he should be able to fit you in now, if you're serious." Alice started nodding incredibly quickly and he chuckled at her enthusiasm. "I'm Jake, by the way."

"I'm Alice," She informed him. "And this is Bella." I gave him a sheepish wave and he nodded at me, walking to the back to find the other artist.

Alice and I started looking through an album that was labelled _E.A.C_ and filled incredible works of art. I found myself admiring every single one of them with a renewed awe as we looked at every page. There was nothing mediocre about this place and I could tell that the artist took particular pride in his work. It showed in his designs.

We were just getting through to the end of the first album – there were many with those particular initials on them – when I heard some footsteps coming from the back of the shop. They were softer than before, so I knew that it wasn't that Jake guy coming back out. But I wasn't expecting to see who was actually standing there in front of me and I couldn't help but stare in shock. I heard a small gasp come from next to me and I knew that Alice had looked up and recognised him too. I was just glad I wasn't going crazy.

Edward.

Maybe now we could get some answers.

Maybe it would be easier to talk to him without the other three here. They had been incredibly full on and harsh to him last night, not giving him an inch of space, so sitting here in the shop with him standing in front of us was a little more than daunting.

Then the woman's words from last night came back to me. _That's Ed's work from New Moon._ He had been the 'Ed' that she'd been talking about. Looking down I noticed that it was _his_ arm that I had seen the previous night, moving as he made his mark on someone. He had one of his sleeves rolled up to his elbow, revealing a mix of colour that I was sure wouldn't make sense unless you saw the whole thing. It looked like thorns of some kind. I looked over and noticed that the other sleeve was still loose and reaching his wrist.

"Edward." Alice whispered and I looked to see tears forming in her eyes. She really did miss her brother. He was a part of her, being her twin and all and she had almost gone mad with worry in the first month or so. She had still worried about him over the last ten years or so, but Jasper had managed to keep her calm when it seemed that she was going to lose it. "Edward. I'm so so-"

"Don't bother, Alice." He cut her off, not sounding as harsh and cruel as I would have thought he would. "It's not you I want to hear the apologies from."

"We didn't want to come over last night." I told him, hoping that he'd listen to me. "Alice and I tried to persuade them not to, but ……… well, they didn't listen."

He didn't look at me, but obviously found the floor very interesting all of a sudden before inhaling a deep breath and looking up and flicking his gaze between us. "I know." He whispered, sounding like he was choking back and holding back on all the emotions that were running through him.

Edward was hiding something. I knew that he was. I also knew that there was very little chance in hell that he would tell me right now. It was going to take a lot of work. He had put up some barriers, walls if you will, and I knew that they were thick and sturdy. I wasn't going to pressure him, as the others wanted to. If he didn't want to tell me, then fine. I could accept that.

Actually, that was a lie. I didn't think I'd ever be able to accept that, but I would let him explain what he needed to and what he felt comfortable with in his own time.

"What?" I asked, looking at him and he nodded slowly, meeting my eyes. I immediately started losing myself in those beautiful green eyes of his. Those eyes that held so many secrets now. So many that I couldn't even fathom trying to decipher them all.

"I know that the two of you didn't want to do what you did last night." He clarified, his voice thick and choked.

"How?" Alice asked in a whisper, clearly both relieved and confused.

"Because of the way the two of you were. You were quiet and still most of the time we were in the same room. You didn't want to be there." I was sure that my face was a mixture of confusion and ……… well, actually, probably just confusion, actually. "You ink enough bodies, you get to know how to read people." He explained quietly.

"I guess so." Alice smiled softly at him. Something he didn't return. His walls were still up and as strong as ever, it seemed.

"What are you two doing here?" He asked, sighing, sounding exasperated and worn out. He looked exhausted and I could imagine that he couldn't have gotten a good night's sleep last night, especially after we woke him up and Emmett nearly squashed his cat.

"I want a tattoo." Alice told him straight out and he looked up at her surprised.

"Why?" He asked, his tone confused and his brow creasing slightly as he folded his arms over his chest, staring at his sister. I knew that had this been a cheesy movie, they would have run into each other's arms, sobbing at how they'd missed each other so much over the years and he and I would have told each other how we felt about each other, not caring who else was there. But this wasn't a cheesy movie and the tension in the air was so thick that it would take a chainsaw to cut through.

All of us had been hurt before he left. Something had happened to him. Something big enough to cause him to withdraw from us, hurting his brother so much that he lashed out at him so much. We had been hurt by how he had appeared to abandon our friendship, appearing to want nothing to do with us and securing himself away in his room for endless periods of time.

We had all been hurt in the past.

Maybe now was the time to clear the air and start over. Get everything out into the open.

"Do you really think you're qualified to ask that question?" She asked, her tone that of a sister now. He smirked and shook his head, a single chuckle escaping his throat.

"I guess not." He agreed, looking between the two of us carefully, as though he was trying to figure out what he was going to say next.

"Well, I know what I want." She chirped, picking up one of the folders labelled _E.A.C_. It suddenly hit me at how blind I had been when inspecting the gold filigree embellishing on the front of the folder.

_Edward Anthony Cullen._ _He's _E.A.C. _Duh, Bella!_

She showed him the image and I could have sworn I saw a slight smile ghost his steel studded lips. It was so fleeting that I was sure that I was mistaken as he slid out the picture and took it to the desk, quickly grabbing a piece of paper and a pencil, sketching something out on the paper in front of him as Alice sat back down next to me.

"Well, he hasn't kicked us out, yet." She whispered quietly to me, surprise evident in her tone.

"I don't think he's going to." I whispered back and she looked at me, not quite believing me. "I mean, if he was going to, he would turned straight back around and gone into the back office, telling us to leave, wouldn't he?"

"I guess so." She murmured, looking back at her brother, probably hoping that they would be alright. I hoped that they were. She needed her twin in her life, and I would have thought he'd missed her as much as she had him. I mean, they were foetuses … is that correct? Hell, I don't care! They were in the womb together! They're closer than the rest of us were.

We sat there watching him as he worked, watching his brow furrow as he tried to work out a particular detail on the design, the way his tongue would flick and draw one of the studs that adorned his lip into his mouth. I wanted to run my thumb over his lip and draw it out of his mouth, sucking on it with my own. I had never found piercings attractive before, but the way Edward looked with them … it made heat pool between my legs and I was severely happy that I wasn't a guy in that moment in time. If I was, I wouldn't have been able to move until I could get myself under control. Being female has never been more of a blessing as it was right in that moment.

"Alice." He called in a small voice and she shot up immediately, causing me to laugh as I stood up and followed her. She stopped and her mouth dropped at the design that Edward had drawn for her.

It was a pixie, so unlike all of the others I had seen so many other girls sporting. This was almost a complete replica of Alice herself.

It was a small, black haired pixie, sitting on a branch adorned with small leaves and blossoms. The pixie herself was wearing a purplish blue halter-neck dress that stopped just above her bent knees. Her legs were crossed at the ankles and the way they had been drawn made it seem like they were swinging back and forth. The pixie had a wistful look on her face, as though she was far away in thought, many different things running through her mind. It was beautiful, but it was the wings that really caught my interest. They were large, partially spreading, reaching high above the pixie's head as though she was in the motions of opening and closing them in time with her swinging legs. They had been drawn with such a delicacy that they appeared almost transparent in their movement.

It really was a piece of art.

"It's perfect." She breathed down at her brother, who nodded and got to work quickly working the design onto transfer paper so he could create the stencil.

"If you want to go through into the back room, I'll be through in a minute." He told the two of us, his voice quiet and flat, no emotion in his tone at all.

We made our way through to the room he mentioned and found that it must have been his workstation back here. The whole decorum screamed Edward. Although it was completely different to the Edward we used to know, somehow it was all him.

"Wow." Alice breathed, looking around, awe on her face. I nodded in agreement. 'Wow' really seemed to be the right sentiment.

"Alright," Edward said softly, walking into the room, looking between the two of us. "Where do you want it?" He asked Alice and she thought for a moment before she turned around and pointed to her left shoulder.

"Right here." She smiled at him and he nodded.

"You want to lay down on your front." He said, flattening out the chair in front of us so that it was completely straight. He motioned for Alice to lay down as he turned and prepped his equipment.

"Teddy Bear…" Alice started and Edward froze in the middle of what he was doing.

"Don't…" He breathed, closing his eyes slowly. "Don't Alice." I could tell that it was hurting him to hear his old nickname. "I'm not him anymore."

"What do you mean?" She asked as she removed her shirt and undid her bra, covering herself before she slipped it off and I stashed it in my bag before she lay down, him still facing the other wall. He might be used to seeing bras and whatnot every day, but there was something wrong about your brother seeing yours, even if you hadn't seen him in years. She laid face down, her shirt still underneath her, should she need to get up at all.

"I'm not him anymore." He sighed. "Teddy Bear doesn't exist anymore."

"He does." She whispered, looking at him as he turned around, setting a box of latex gloves down next to an ominous looking needle and ink, looking down at her. "He's just lost, that's all."

I could tell from the look in his eyes, he didn't believe her and the chances that he ever would were slim. Whatever had driven him away from his home in Forks was still haunting him now. I wanted to be the one to rid him of those worries and fears, to let the old Edward out again.

To try and help him in some way.

In whatever way I could.

He sighed, not arguing with her as he popped open the packet to a razor.

"What do you need that for?" I asked, confused at why he would be opening a razor now.

"I need to get rid of the fine hair on her shoulder blade." He explained as he wetted her shoulder, making it easier to glide the small blade over her skin. "It makes sure that there are no imperfections with the stencil."

"Oh." Was my intelligent answer.

"It's going to be quite large." He told us, and Alice nodded, knowing this already as he ran an antiseptic wipe over where he had just shaved, ridding the area of any remaining hairs before he picked up the stencil and gently placed it on her skin, running his hand over it, pressing it onto her skin before peeling it off. "Take a look." He said quietly, turning and placing the stencil on the table next to him, behind the machine behind him while Alice sat up and looked at the stencil in the mirror.

I could see it and the way he had positioned it made it look as though the branch was appearing from under her arm, leading out and reaching all the way across her shoulder blade, nearly touching her spine. The pixie's head reached up to just below her shoulder, while the wings reached up and one curled around the curve of her shoulder and the other slid slightly up the back of her neck as her legs dangled down, reaching to about halfway down her back.

"Perfect." She whispered, smiling at me and I nodded. I wasn't a huge fan of tattoos, although I will admit, seeing Edward's work might just be swaying me in favour of getting one done.

"Are you sure?" He asked, his expression slightly worried about how she would take it being so large. I could tell that he had tried to make it as small as possible, but what with adding in the extra detail, it wasn't possible. This pixie had more detail in it than the original one did. I longed to know who held the original, but dismissed it because Edward had obviously worked on hundreds of people in his years here. It could have been anyone. She nodded in response, grinning at him in the mirror and he relaxed ever so slightly. I could see that he was a bit hesitant about marking his sister, but like me, he could never deny her anything. "I'm only going to do the outline today." He explained. "Let it heal for a week or two and them fill in the colour." She nodded enthusiastically at him, winking at me in the mirror when Edward's gaze was elsewhere.

She lay back down on the bench and Edward situated the stool so that he could access her shoulder and the ink easily. He had an unreadable expression on his face and I didn't really know what to make of this whole situation.

"You don't mind if I play music, do you?" He looked between the two of us and we both shook our heads, indicating that it was fine for him to. He picked up a remote and pressed play, a band unknown to me coming out of the speakers instantly. He pulled two gloves out of the box by his side and set on a counter just behind him, pulling on the gloves with an audible snap.

"Who is this band?" Alice asked, turning her head to look at him while he got the needle ready.

"Tool." He replied softly before the loud buzzing of the needle filled the room, humming just under the sound level of the music. "This is gonna hurt." She nodded, turning to face me again, a huge smile on her face.

She winced slightly as the needle touched her skin and I could tell from the look on Edward's face that he felt her pain, although, I could see that he obviously didn't mind it so much. I mean, he was absolutely covered in ink.

"So, how long have you worked here for, then?" I asked, gazing around at the room, admiring the photographs of the artwork he'd inked on people, marking them forever.

He chuckled once. "Going for the safe topic of work, are we?" He glanced up at me and I shrugged sheepishly, feeling that goddamn blush make an appearance. Why the hell is it showing me up now? "I've been here since I first left……" He trailed off and we all understood what he meant. When he'd first left home. "I came in here my first night in Chicago with a design. I asked Jake to ink me and he offered me an apprenticeship right there. I took it and I've been here ever since. I now own half the place."

"Wow." I nodded, thinking about how far he'd come from when he left.

"What about you two?" He asked, looking up at me and I shook my head, trying to clear my mind.

"Um… Well, I'm about to start teaching in the high school a couple of blocks away from here." I told him clearing my throats.

"Teaching what?" He asked again, refilling the ink in the gun in his hand, moving it back to Alice's skin.

"English." I admitted in a quiet voice. Edward looked up at me and smiled. He'd known how much I loved my literature and how much I wanted to be a teacher.

"Can you tell the students there that it doesn't matter how many times they come in here with their fake IDs, or how late at night it is, I'm not inking them until they're eighteen." He grumbled, clearly annoyed with the fact that they kept coming in here.

"Get them in here regularly then?" Alice giggled, not moving at all.

He nodded, running a wipe over the small portion of the stencil he'd just made permanent on his sister's skin, removing the excess ink. "Yup. They come in here all the fucking time and it pisses me off. Jake too."

"Edward." Alice mock gasped and I smiled at her. "When did you start using such foul language?"

He snorted in an extremely ungentlemanly way. "You haven't heard the worst of it." He chuckled. "I'm restraining myself quite a lot at the moment."

"We missed you, Edward." Alice breathed and I nodded, agreeing with her.

"So much." I whispered and he stopped for a second.

"I missed you guys too, but ……"

"But what?" I asked and he looked up at me, his eyes wide and pleading.

"I can't……" He whispered, his voice and expression pleading with me to drop it. For an instant, the old Edward re-emerged. The shy, scared boy that I had grown up with was sitting there in front of me, and not the hard, grown man covered in steel and ink.

For that split second, he was my Teddy Bear again.

"Alright." I nodded, not pushing him and Alice looked up at him in the mirror, smiling slightly, letting him know that it was okay. That we weren't going to push him. If the others had been here then he wouldn't have been given the chance to refuse. They would have been pummelling him with questions, wanting answers as soon as he would give them, not relenting till they got them.

At least Alice and I could give him some sort of peace for now.

Alice talked about the boutique and her relationship with Jasper. How they were finally ready to start trying, Alice's attempts at making Edward smile working to a small extent, but the comment about trying for children was not one of those moments. He wasn't too happy about that.

After an hour and a half or so, I lost track of time, the outline was done and Edward was explaining the aftercare to Alice, rubbing in some Vaseline to keep it moist before covering it with gauze. Edward left before she sat up again, and she didn't bother with her bra, knowing that it would aggravate the new tattoo underneath the gauze.

"How much?" She asked, walking up to the counter and he shook his head, smiling down at her. "Seriously, how much?"

"Nothing, Alice." He said, and I could tell that she was giving him her blatant 'don't give me that because I'm your sister' look, which he promptly ignored.

She sighed, shoving her purse back into her bag, huffing. "Fine, but I will pay you back."

"How about the next time Emmett sees me, try to get him to use a more subtle greeting than a fist to my face." He tilted his head to the side slightly. "Consider that payback enough."

Alice grinned at him, but I noticed that her smile quickly faded. "Edward…" She reached out and placed a hand on his. He looked down at it, pain evident in his eyes. "Mom and Dad are on their way here." He looked up at her, something unreadable in his expression.

"What?" He whispered.

Alice slipped her fingers underneath his, clutching his hand with her own. He didn't respond, but only looked at her with an unwavering gaze.

"They're on their way here." She repeated softly, looking down at their hands, hers clutching his unresponsive one. "They were coming out here anyway, to make sure that we were all getting settled, but Emmett called them after the two of you had your little run-in yesterday. They're flying out now."

"I guess I shouldn't have expected anything else, should I?" He looked away, his eyes shining with something I couldn't place. There was pain in his voice, and I suspected that it was because he was hurting because he had caused his parents pain.

Something told me that that wasn't the case though.

Something deep inside told me that Edward's pain went down a lot deeper than that.

Telling me that it started way before he left.

And he hasn't been able to put that pain and hurt to rest in all this time. Instead, he'd created walls to shield himself from the world.

And they'd held strong.

"No, you really shouldn't." She smiled at him. "They really freaked when you left."

"I know." He nodded, and his fingers clasped hers in a gentle hold. "I know …… but in me leaving they only had their hearts broken once. If I'd stayed …… it would have happened over and over again."

"What do you mean?" She asked, leaning over the counter. "What are you talking about, Edward?"

He shook his head, looking away from her, obviously unable to meet her gaze. "I can't, Alice. I just …… can't."

"Okay." She straightened up and stiffened when Emmett's ringtone played from inside her bag. She glanced at me as she pulled it out of the immense hole that was her bag. "Hello?" She said cautiously into the phone, waiting for an answer. "What? They're not supposed to be here for another three hours." She looked at me, panicked. "Alright. We'll be right over." Another pause. "Nowhere. Just had some things to do." She looked at Edward with a small smile and I saw that he wasn't paying attention to her anymore. He was flicking through a magazine full of people with tattoos. "Alright, alright." Alice sounded pissed off now. Emmett's phone call was cutting into time she had been spending with her long lost twin – as strange and 'out of a movie' cliché as that sounds – and she was not happy about it.

She hung up the phone and looked at Edward, and I could tell that she wished she could stay here with him.

"It's okay, Ali." He looked up and smiled at her softly. "Go and see them."

"They're not here to see _me_." She sighed. "At least, not now they're not."

He sighed and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with the fingers of his right hand. I recognised that move from when we were little. It was something he did when he was stressed or aggravated. I had to imagine he was both at the moment.

"Could you …… could you do me a favour and not tell them where I work?" He looked between us, pleading with his eyes. "I'm …… I'm not ……"

"It's okay, Edward." I said softly, placing a hand on his bicep, feeling a small tingling, like an electrical current gently humming below the barrier of his clothes. He still had one sleeve rolled up and one down. I wanted to see if there was any artwork on the covered arm, and if there was, whether or not it was as intricate and beautiful as that that resided on his revealed arm. "We understand. You're not ready to see them."

"Thank you." He whispered, looking into my lifeless brown eyes with his gorgeous green orbs. They weren't as bright as they used to be. They were clouded and guarded. More of a jade colour rather than the bright emerald green I was used to growing up.

"We have to go, Bells." Alice said softly, giving Edward's hand one last squeeze before letting it go, leaving it resting on the counter top.

"Alice." He called and she turned around, clearly happy that he had called her. "You'll to come back in a couple of weeks to get that filled in. He's the number to the shop." He handed her a card and she smiled at him. She looked down at the card, grinning at she looked back up at him, tears welling in her eyes. I wondered what was on that card, but reasoned I would ask later.

"Thanks, Edward." He nodded, a silent understanding between siblings before she turned and walked to the door.

I decided that I was going to drop all pretences and screw everyone else. I quickly leaned over and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek before following Alice out of the door.

During the cab ride here, we'd noticed that it was only a couple of blocks away from Alice's small house, where her car was. If Esme and Carlisle were at Emmett's already, then we could walk back to hers and drive over there.

"Where are they?" I asked, knowing that she knew who I was talking about.

"They're at my house." She sighed, looking around her, squinting as the faint sunlight hit one of the car windows at the exact angle to flash into her eyes. "Emmett picked them up twenty minutes ago. Apparently, they're really itching to see Edward."

"I'm not surprised." I mumbled, looking at the cracks in the sidewalk as I walked next to her. She seemed a lot more subdued as we walked, her previous energy and enthusiasm seemed to have been sucked out of her by that one phone call. I looked over to her after we had walked for a little while in complete silence and I was met with a sight I hadn't seen for almost ten years. She was walking along, tears streaming down her cheeks. Just in that one session with Edward, nothing really being exchanged as far as what had gone on while we had been separated went, the floodgates had been opened. "Oh, Ali-cat." I sighed, stopping and grabbing her hand.

I pulled her into a hug, being careful of her new tattoo, which I knew her parents weren't going to be happy about. But then again, what will they think when they see their son.

"I just …… I just didn't realise how much I really did miss him." She sobbed gently into my shoulder, probably smearing all of her mascara and eyeliner on my shirt. But at the moment, I really couldn't bring myself to care. She'd make me change it when I got home anyway. Whether it was dirty or not.

"I know." I whispered, running my fingers lightly through her short, spiky hair. "I know you did, Ali. We all missed him. And just think … now you've got him wherever you go." I told her and she looked up at me confused.

"What do you mean?" She asked, wiping her nose and eyes with a tissue that I handed to her.

"He's got his mark on your back, Alice." I smiled at her. "He's always going to be with you in the form of the artwork on your shoulder."

"I guess you're right." She smiled, gently reaching over and touching her shoulder, where I knew that the gauze was keeping her new tattoo protected and safe. "Doesn't make up for ten years of nothing, though." She sighed as we started walking again. "I can't believe that all this time … nothing."

"He must have had his reasons, Alice." I argued gently and she nodded.

"He did." She looked at me, and I saw that incredibly, her make-up was still flawless. "It's all waterproof." She clarified, obviously realising what my gaze was about and answering my unasked question. "He does have his reasons. You can see that in his eyes and in the way he is now. He's so different and has so many secrets. I just wish I knew what they were."

"If he wants to tell us, then he will." She nodded, agreeing with me. "What the others don't understand is that pushing him isn't going to work. He has to come to us."

"We need to make them realise that." She whispered as we turned down her street. It really wasn't that big of a journey to make, and to me, that was a good thing, because my apartment was only a two minute walk away from Alice's.

"It's not going to be easy." I commented and she sighed as we climbed the few steps that led up to her front door.

She was about to put the key into the lock when the door flew open, a wide-eyed Jasper standing there.

"Where the hell have you two been?" He asked, pulling the both of us into the house.

"We just went out, Jasper, that's all." Alice replied curtly, not caring for the tone her husband had taken. His expression was apologetic and I knew that it wouldn't be long before they made up. Not that they ever really fought in the first place.

"Alice! Bella!" I heard Esme and Carlisle before I saw them. I turned around to see the two people that had acted as a second set of parents to me standing behind me.

"Carlisle. Esme." I smiled, truly happy to see them. I walked over to them and wrapped my arms around the two of them in turn. "I'm so happy to see you."

"Oh, my dear sweet girl, we've missed you." Esme said softly, running her fingers through my hair.

"I've missed you, too." I said honestly and she pulled away from me, turning to embrace her daughter.

She wrapped her arms around Alice, who winced slightly, hissing almost inaudibly as Esme's hand brushed her new tattoo. But as quiet as she tried to be, Esme heard the noise.

"Alice, honey what's wrong." She gently felt Alice's back, her eyes widening when she encountered the patch of gauze that rested over Alice's left shoulder. "Baby, what happened?"

"Nothing." Alice shook her head, glancing at me.

"There wasn't anything wrong when I left this morning." Jasper noted, his voice calm and concerned. He placed a hand on Alice's shoulder, right where the outline of the pixie now resided. "What's wrong?" He asked, noting Alice's wince again.

"Nothing." She tried to argue, but they weren't listening to her, listing off several things that could have happened while Jasper was out.

"Is that why you didn't tell me where you were on the phone?" Emmett asked from where he was sitting on one of Alice's sofas. "Because you'd hurt yourself?"

"I haven't hurt myself." Alice argued again, breaking away from her worrisome parents and husband.

"But you're wrapped in gauze." Carlisle pointed out and I fought to roll my eyes. You would have though Carlisle, being a doctor and probably seeing these every day, would have some idea of what was hiding underneath the gauze. "What happened, Alice?" Apparently not.

"You really want to know?" She looked around at everybody, missing me out of her gaze for obvious reasons. "Really?" They all nodded or murmured their response. "I got a tattoo."

"Alice." Esme's face fell considerably. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I've wanted one for ages and I thought that now was the best time to get one." She answered, clearly not appeasing Esme or Carlisle.

I couldn't help but laugh in my mind. _Just wait until you see your second born son._ I thought, looking at the disappointed expressions on Carlisle and Esme's faces. _You're in for a treat there, guys. _

"Can we see it?" Jasper asked and Alice bit her lip, a habit that she'd picked up from me growing up.

"I'm not supposed to take the gauze off yet." She told them and Carlisle shook his head.

"Well, how about I check and make sure that it's okay. That it's been done properly." He offered and Alice rolled her eyes.

"Trust me, it's been done properly." She nodded, giving her father a looking that if put into words would say "_Duh!"_

"Please." He asked, raising his eyebrows in the way that all the Cullen's did when they were pleading for something. She sighed and nodded. "Thank you."

"I'm going to go and change my top though, because …… circumstances …… make it difficult to… yeah." I had to stifle a giggle, as did Rosalie. We knew what she was talking about, as did Esme, who was wearing a knowing smirk as the guys stood there looking dumbfounded as Alice walked out of the room, heading up the stairs.

She appeared a few minutes later wearing a black strapless top that she had pulled down enough at the back, so that it didn't hit the gauze.

"Alright, then." She sighed, turning to face her father. "But it goes straight back on after you've looked."

Everyone moved around, standing behind me, as I was next to Carlisle, so that they could see it.

I heard several gasps behind me as they took in the beautiful pixie that was perched on Alice's shoulder. She was even more beautiful inked onto Alice's skin than she was in the design. All she needed now was the colour and she would come to life. Edward really was a master of his craft.

"Alice." Rosalie breathed, her eyes filled with awe as her eyes took in the ink. "This is beautiful."

"It really is, Ali." Jasper said, leaning over and placing a kiss at the bottom of Alice's neck where the pixie's wing came to a point. "Where did you get it done?"

"In that place we went past last night." Alice told him. "They're incredible in there. You should see some of the work that the artist I had has done."

"Maybe we'll come with you, next time you go. I mean, this is going to be filled in, right?" Emmett said and Alice shot me a worried glance.

"Yeah … it does." She said in a small voice, clearly not liking where this conversation was going.

"We'll come with you then." He grinned and I felt suddenly nervous, as though he knew that we were hiding Edward in there. Maybe he did know, but just wasn't going to let us in on his little secret. "What do you think about me getting a tatt, Rosie?"

She smiled at him, nodding slightly, indicating that she'd approve.

Or maybe I was just being paranoid.

"What is it with my children wanting or getting tattoos?" Esme sighed, running a perfectly manicured hand through her hair.

"Speaking of children, Emmett, you said you know where Edward is." Carlisle looked at his eldest pleadingly. "Please. Can you take us to him?"

Emmett didn't seem to notice Carlisle talking to him, as he was now in a quiet conversation with Jasper, who still had his arm around Alice. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but from the expression on her face, she could.

"Why don't we have something to eat first?" Alice suggested as I reattached the gauze to her new tattoo. "I mean … it's going to be emotional whatever happens, and its not really something you want to do on an empty stomach."

I could tell that Carlisle and Esme were frustrated, but I had to give Alice kudos on her quick thinking.

"I'll help you, Ali." She smiled at me as we made our way to the kitchen. "What was all that about?"

"Emmett and Jasper have already been to Edward's apartment earlier on today." Alice sighed. "They found out from a neighbour that he won't be back until after eleven, so I'm guessing that's when the shop closes." I nodded, slowly, leaning against the counter.

"What are we going to do?" I asked Alice, in a whisper, not wanting to be overheard. "I mean, Emmett wants to come with when you get that filled in." I gestured towards the tattoo on her shoulder and she slumped, sighing quietly.

"I know." Her eyes were sad and wide. "Well, we can always go when we know that Emmett will be stuck at the garage. We have, what? Two weeks or so, he said, didn't he? Before I have to go back."

"I guess so." I sighed.

"I don't want anyone finding out that Edward did this either, but it's going to come out sooner or later." She sighed.

"Edward did your tattoo?"

We both whirled around, seeing a stunned Jasper standing in the doorway, looking between the two of us, an unreadable expression on his face. That was something I didn't like with Jasper. Normally, he was easy to read, wearing his emotions boldly, not hiding how he felt, but when he looked that way, there was something wrong. And this time, we know what it is.

Without another word, he wheeled around turned back to the living room and we quickly followed him.

"Jasper!" Alice called, worried and pissed off that he had been listening.

"It was Edward that did Alice's tattoo." He announced and Alice looked like she could have murdered him.

"What?" Esme and Carlisle sat there, mouths slightly open, glances flicking between their daughter and son-in-law. "What did you say?"

"Is that true, Ali?" Rose asked, standing up and walking over to Alice.

She sighed and nodded slowly, letting her breath out in a slow measured breath before opening her eyes and glaring at Jasper. He was in trouble. _Big_ trouble.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Emmett asked, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees and staring intently at Alice. I didn't like the look on his face. It wasn't right for Emmett. Something was going on in his mind and I didn't like it one bit.

"Because I knew that you would want to find him again, and as I remember, last night, that didn't go down too well." She shot back and Emmett's eyes hardened at the reminder of last night.

"Of course we want to find him." He replied, not allowing Alice's anger at the situation to sway him. He now knew where Edward worked. We had inadvertantly broken our promise to Edward.

"Emmett." I warned and he looked over to me. "Edward's not the same as he was. He's hurting, Emmett. Something's not right. You need to leave it alone."

"Not a chance." He mumbled into his clenched fists.

"Where is this place?" Esme asked, her eyes widening at the prospect of seeing her son.

"Let's go." Emmett stood up, marching towards the door, the others following him.

Alice and I looked at each other, grabbing our coats and running out behind them all.

"Emmett!" We both shouted at the same time. He didn't stop, and we quickly made our way to the front where he was. I didn't think that he knew the way there, but he obviously did.

"Emmett." I hissed, grabbing onto his arm. He wrenched it out of my grasp, still walking. "What do you think storming down to his work is going to achieve? Do you really think that its going to get him to open up to you? Threatening him is not going to work, Emmett. The only way anyone's going to get anything out of him is to wait and be patient with him until _he_ wants to let us in. What is it going to take for you to get that?"

He stopped and turned to face me. "I don't know what's going on with you, Bells, but I would have thought that you'd want to get answers as well. I mean, he just _left_. No word of warning, no explanations. Nothing. So forgive me, if I want answers from my little brother."

With that he marched off again. I knew that he was frustrated because he didn't know what had happened with Edward. He cared, but he was going about everything the wrong way. But then again, Emmett has always been an act first and think later kind of guy.

Alice and I double teamed Emmett, trying to get him to stop, to leave it alone for now, but he wouldn't listen. He only calmed down once we were outside the shop and Esme placed a hand on his shoulder. She told him that everything would be alright, and that he had to calm down if they were going to get anywhere.

I looked around and saw that Alice had disappeared and it was then that I noticed the door of the shop slowly closing. She must have slipped inside while the others were preoccupied. I managed to slip in behind her, but felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked around and saw Rosalie looking at me, obviously wondering what was going on.

"Please, Rose." I whispered, glancing over my shoulder. "You've got to get Emmett to calm down."

"Why?" She said harshly and I winced at the noise it made in the quiet shop.

"When you see him, you'll see." I told her and she looked at me confused. "Look into his eyes and you'll understand why we need to approach him carefully. Something happened back in Forks, I know it did, but I don't know what. And it's still affecting him even now."

"Actually, he was fine till you guys showed up." I heard a voice from behind me, and I turned to see Jake walking down the steps that separated up the shop. "He was fine until last night, then he comes back here, his lips busted and he's freaking out. Now, the busted lip, that's not unusual, but the freaking out part. That is. When he said his family was in town, I knew it was big. Then you two came in this afternoon. I knew who the two of you were when you walked in earlier. It wasn't hard to figure out. That little one looks exactly like him, apart from she's short, has dark hair and is ... well, a girl, obviously."

"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked, turning to face him after glancing outside the shop, seeing that the others were still trying to calm Emmett down outside.

"Wasn't my place." He shrugged before nodding out the window. "But with that great oaf outside, I am going to step in for Ed. Look, I don't know what happened before he got here, and I don't want to know. It's not my business to know. But all I know is that he was beating himself up pretty harsh when I first met him. He still does a lot of the time, so let me tell you, whatever happened back there, it's still with him now. He hasn't got rid of his demons. They're still there. He's just put up a wall to keep anyone else from seeing them." He shook his head and looked between Rosalie and I. "I know that he's done something that's pissed some people off in a big way, but just ……… don't hurt him anymore than he hurts himself already, alright. He's like a brother to me, and I _will_ do anything I can to protect him. Even if it's from his own family."

"Thank you, Jake." I whispered as he walked away. I turned to Rosalie who had a shocked look on her face. "See what I mean?"

She nodded, not moving her eyes away from where they were fixated. I looked over and saw that Edward had emerged from his back room when Jake had retreated, as though they were on some kind of timer. He had Alice standing next to him, and he was wearing a glum expression, his eyes hooded and guarded.

"I explained what happened." She said quietly as he rested his head on the doorframe, sighing gently.

Behind me, the door burst open and instead of Emmett walking up behind me, as I had expected, it was Esme that stood next to me.

I looked at her face and saw a mixture of shock, worry, relief and love in her eyes as they raked over her sons' form. He was so different to how he had been when she last saw him and I could hear the small gasp that came from her as she took in the piercings and tattoos.

"Edward." She breathed, stepping towards him. He stiffened slightly and she stopped, sensing his unease. I could see in his eyes that it hurt to have her there. It hurt to have any of us there, but seeing his mother before him seemed to have a different effect on Edward. "My baby." It was barely audible but I heard it, looking between Esme and Edward.

This was not going to end well, for either Edward or his parents.

Because no matter how much they wanted him to be, he was no longer their little boy.

I knew now, just as I had when he'd walked off last night that it was true.

Teddy Bear was gone and unlike Alice, I didn't think we could get him back.

_**Love? Hate?**_

_**Let me know.**_


	5. Because I Had To

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I do however own a pink mp3 player that I listen to almost constantly. It serves as my escape from the world.**

_And I'd give up forever to touch you,  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow.  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,  
And I don't want to go home right now._

_All I can taste is this moment,  
All I could breathe is your life.  
Sooner or later it's over,  
I just don't want to miss you tonight._

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.  
When everything's made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am._

'_Iris' – Goo Goo Dolls_

_***~* Edward *~***_

Alright, so not only do they come to live in my city – well, not _my _city obviously, but you get what I mean – because it's pretty obvious that they're living here now. Just by the way they are here. I don't know how, but you can usually tell those that are now living here, as opposed to those visiting. It's a weird thing. Don't ask.

Anyway, back on track.

Not only do they come to live in Chicago, but they come to my apartment, nearly kill my cat and try to force answers out of me. Pushy much? I guess they have the right to be, but that doesn't mean that they're going to get them.

And then Alice and Bella turn up at _New Moon_, with Alice wanting a tattoo. Someone up there really hates me. They really do.

And she has to go and choose the pixie doesn't she?

Typical Alice on that one.

She was looking at the picture of it inked on someone's forearm. I wasn't going to enlighten her that that particular tattoo resided on my own forearm. She didn't need to know that. She was going to see it soon, but she didn't need to know it was there yet. She also didn't need to know that it was an inked version of her.

No, she didn't need to know that.

I'd thought that Alice and Bella would ask me at least something about why I left, but nothing of that sort came out. Alice called me Teddy Bear, but that was it. She's clinging to the hope that he's still alive somewhere in me. I didn't have the heart to tell her that Teddy Bear died almost a year before I left Forks. That night in Port Angeles- _No! We're not having these thoughts now._ I mentally scolded myself.

They had asked about the shop and that was it. They had told me about where they were working and now living which I found was not too far from here and incidentally, my own apartment. Seems that we could be seeing a lot of each other. Which does not bode well for me.

When they left, they promised that they wouldn't say anything about where I was working and I knew that Bella and my sister were the same as they always were. Kind, caring, selfless. They didn't realise it, but they were.

As I handed Alice the card she needed to contact me to make an appointment to get the fairy finished off, I made sure to write down my personal number. Alice hadn't changed and she was giving me a chance. I was selfish and I wanted that chance more than anything. From the smile on her face and the light in her eyes, Bella felt the same way that Alice did. Though I could tell that she was slightly confused with what Alice was grinning about. It was cute to see.

I'd missed it.

So now I was sitting in the back room that doubled as my kind of office and workstation. Jake had one the same, just because sometimes we needed to work on our own, without the disturbances of others around.

Eric's design was still pissing me off, but then again where was the change there. I caught myself rolling my tongue bar again, as I did when I was pissed off, but I didn't bite down, knowing that somehow Jake would know and come in here and whack me over the head with something. I swear that guy has a sixth sense or something.

Something also told me that he knew who Alice and Bella were when he told me that there were some girls that wanted inking this afternoon.

I couldn't hold that against him though. He gave me the opening to talk to my sister and my old best friend again. It seemed that those two were interested in finding out about me, actually _me_, rather than why I was a douche and left. They wanted me to open up, yes, but unlike the others, they were willing to wait for a time when I could open up on my own. I didn't know if that time existed. But they were waiting for it, nevertheless.

There was a quiet knock on the door and I silently cheered for the reprieve from this fucktarded design. "Yeah?" I called and the door inched open quickly before, closing quietly. I looked up to see Alice standing there, looking at me, biting her lip, looking extremely worried. "Alice? What's wrong? Why are you here?"

"You remember when I told you that Mom and Dad were coming in tonight?" She asked and I nodded my head slowly, my eyes narrowing, not one hundred per cent sure of where she was heading with this. "They're already here."

"O-kay." I answered slowly, still not sure about what she was on about.

"They're here. Outside the shop." She closed her eyes, ready for the onslaught.

"W-what?" I choked out, my voice suddenly not working properly. She opened her eyes panicking, looking at me.

"We didn't tell anyone where you were, I swear." She said in a hurried voice. "Bella and I were talking and Jasper overheard us. He told everyone else that it was you who did the tatt."

"Why were you talking about it?" I asked quietly and she sighed, looking at the ground before looking up and smiling at me.

"We were admiring the artwork." She whispered, her smile still in place. "It really is beautiful, you know."

"Thanks, Ali." I couldn't help but smile at her. There was just no way that, even after all this time, I could resist my sister. That was just something that wasn't possible. For anyone. I guess it's no wonder she always got her way.

"No problem." She walked over to me, taking my hand in hers. "Everyone's here." She sighed. "Emmett's pissed, Jasper's not much better. Mom and Dad want to see you. Bella and I are trying to calm everyone down."

"I left to stop hurting everyone." I sighed, squeezing her hand gently. "Guess that didn't work, did it?"

"No." She shook her head. "You didn't think that we wouldn't miss you, did you?" I shrugged, not knowing how to answer her. She didn't say anything in return. Instead, she leaned over and wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me to her tightly. I did the same, making sure I didn't disturb the gauze that resided on her shoulder at the moment. "Well. I certainly missed you." She whispered in my ear gently, pressing a small kiss to my temple.

"I missed you too, Ali." I whispered, clutching onto her tiny body. She hadn't grown at all in the last decade or so, and it was strange. It seemed that everyone else had grown in some way, outwards or upwards. But Alice had stayed the same. Frozen in time, it seemed.

"I know two more people that missed the hell out of you." She said, straightening up. "They're not going to leave until you talk to them." She told me and I nodded.

"I know." I sighed. "Guess I'd better go out and face the crowd, huh?" I looked up at her and I saw that she had a scowl on her face.

"You don't have to." She sounded extremely put out and that wasn't a good thing. "You don't have to do anything that you don't have to do. You don't have to face them until the time comes where you want to." She looked down at me and I knew that she was right. _God bless my sister._

"I know." I nodded as she pulled away from me. "But I think at the moment, it's just better to get it over and done with." I looked up and she nodded.

I stood up and walked out into the main area of the shop. I heard the door next to mine close and knew that Jake had just retreated to where it was safer for him. _Coward_. I thought, but then I saw Rosalie standing there and I knew that it was probably better for him to get out of here while he still can.

"I explained what happened." Alice stepped up beside me and when I saw Bella's face I instantly knew why she said that. She looked panicked, as though she was hoping that I wouldn't explode at her. Instead I couldn't hold back the sigh that escaped me, and I rested my head on the doorframe, trying to prepare myself for what was about to occur.

As expected, the door to the shop flew open and my mother raced in, stopping next to Bella. Her eyes moving up and down my body, taking in every piercing and every colourful inch of skin she could see. I still had the pixie on my arm covered, so she couldn't liken that to Alice's. If they'd seen it that is.

"Edward." She whispered, taking a step towards me. My body stiffened out of reflex and she stopped. I could see the hurt in her eyes, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't act like there was nothing between us. Like the last ten years hadn't happened. Like they had all been a dream. I knew that she wanted to. That she wanted nothing more than to have all of her children back. I didn't know why she would want me back in her life. I had caused her so much heartache and pain and there was nothing that I could do about it. There was nothing I could do to change who I am or what I've done.

How could she want someone like me with her again?

"My baby." I saw her mouth the words as her eyes started to glisten. Even now, I was bringing tears to her eyes and I wasn't even doing anything. I had caused so much pain and hurt.

I didn't deserve a family. Friends. Not after I'd shut myself off from them all, refusing to let them in.

Not after I'd disappeared.

"Edward?" I heard my father's voice come from the doorway and I turned to look at him.

He stood there, looking the same as he always used to. His blonde hair immaculate and his blue eyes wide. He walked further into the shop, his suit pristine and pressed, the tie not even loosened as you would have expected on a day off or if someone had just finished work. No. Everything had to be perfect for Carlisle Cullen.

He looked extremely out of place here in the shop. They both did.

My mother was standing there gazing at me. Her hands were clenched together in front of her lips and it appeared that she was attempting to hold back tears. Her green eyes glistened in the light that shone down on her from overhead.

"Edward." He said again, softly, taking in every inch of me, just as my mother had. He didn't seem to like what he saw. I knew that my parents abhorred tattoos and piercings and I can tell what you're thinking. You're wrong. I didn't get these as an outcry against my parents. I hadn't even thought I would see them again, so it didn't matter whether or not they cared.

"I can't believe that……" My Mom started. She stopped and looked me up and down again, obviously trying to find the right words.

I was still watching my father, who was looking at me with a look of disdain on his face, even though his eyes showed me nothing but relief, kindness, care and love. I didn't deserve any of it. Well, maybe the disdain I deserved, but nothing else.

"What's that look for?" I asked in a low voice, still looking at my father. He looked up at me, probably surprised that it was me that addressed them properly first.

"I just…" He waved towards me, obviously not able to find a word for how I looked. "Why, Edward?"

"Why what?" I crossed my arms, my gaze not wavering from his.

"Nothing." He mumbled, obviously not having the heart to say anything about my appearance.

"No, go on." I nodded for him to say what he was going to say. "Your son has no qualms about doing whatever he feels like to get any information he can. He practically broke into my apartment last night, so anything you say won't have that much of an effect."

"Edward." He breathed, looking at me in disbelief. "I don't know why you're being like this now, but the Edward that I used to know would never have said anything like that."

"Well." I sighed, looking down at the ground and back up at him. "The Edward that you knew is gone." I tried to keep my voice straight. I tried to keep myself under control, but I could feel it slipping.

What I did to them, how I was hurting them, by pushing them away each and every day, it was all coming back to me. What they didn't realise was that by pushing them away I was hurting myself. I was losing a bit of myself every day. They probably thought that it was the fight that I had with Emmett that caused me to leave home. It wasn't.

Everything started long before then.

I turned around and walked back into my office, closing and locking the door, feeling the first tear fall from my eye and run down my cheek.

I had wanted to get away from all of this, from everything, so that I could stop hurting them and ultimately, myself. But that didn't seem to work. I couldn't stay in here for the rest of the day. They would wait for me, so I did what I knew how to do.

I had to get out of there.

I had to think.

I grabbed my jacket and my bag, which had everything I needed in it, stuffing the design I was still working on for Eric into my bag, so that I could try and finish it off once I got back to my apartment.

I knew I was being a coward, and that I should just face my family, but I wasn't ready. I couldn't do it.

I knew that it wouldn't take long for them to figure out that I wasn't in there anymore, but still, it gave me more time, and that was what I needed right now.

As I quietly closed the back door of the shop that led out from my office, I pulled out my phone, quickly texting Jake.

_**-J**_

_**Got too much.  
Gone out the back.  
Be back sometime tomorrow.**_

_**-E**_

I didn't have to wait long for a reply.

_**-E**_

_**They still here anyway.  
Will rebook any appointments you got.  
Tell 'em ur sick, yeah?**_

_**-J**_

_**-J**_

_**Perfect.  
Thanks.**_

_**-E**_

With that I quickly made my way around the back of the shops in the direction of my apartment, hoping that the others weren't creeping around outside the shop.

Noting that they weren't, I made my way back to my apartment as quickly as possible, locking the door and toeing off my shoes as soon as the door was closed. I hung up my jacket on the hook, stopping when I heard a small mewing noise.

I hung the jacket up and made my way towards the sound, which I knew now were coming from Nix. _Where the hell is she?_ "Nix." I called out to her, knowing that I would get a response to her name. I always got a response when I called her name. She responded to her name, and the words 'book' and 'cheese'.

Easiest response. Don't ask. My cat's weird. I know.

I quickly got another mewing noise in response. I made my way towards the kitchen and noted that it was coming from the same hole that she had hidden herself in the previous night. She really was getting to big for this hole. The fact that she was stuck down there right now was a big giveaway.

"Hey, you." I whispered, when I saw her enormous eyes looking back out at me. "Hey, sweetheart."

I reached my hand in to try and get her out, but was met with five tiny, yet sharp claws and a hissing sound. She meowed at me again, sounding more distressed this time, so I knew I had to act quickly to stop her from completely freaking out.

I looked at the board that was keeping her trapped and noted that it could be easily unscrewed with a manual crosshead screwdriver. One of which I have in the bottom cabinet under the sink. I didn't want to use my electrical, especially seeing as it would scare the shit out of Nix, as it always does and she'd probably have a heart attack. Manual it is, then.

I grabbed the screwdriver and made quick work of the screws, trying to soothe a panicking Nix at the same time. I lifted up the board and she didn't move, which was unlike her. Normally, she was so full of energy and would be in my arms straight away, but now she just had a look of fear in her eyes.

"Sshh." I tried to soothe her, holding out my hand so that she could smell my fingers. She sniffed them tentatively, mewing at me before she slowly moved. I hooked my hand underneath her gently, lifting her out of her little prison, sliding the board back over, positioning it so that there wasn't a hole big enough for her to fit down. I rubbed gently behind her ear to find that she was shaking slightly. "Hey." I cooed to her, sitting down on the sofa, leaning back on the arm and putting my feet up on the other. She crawled her way along my body and settled on my stomach, still not completely at ease.

I noticed from the way her fur was bent that she must have been stuck there for hours already. What the hell could have caused her to hide down there? She only went down there when she was scared. What in the hell could have scared her?

Unless Emmett and the others came here before they saw Alice and Bella after they'd been to the shop. They must have been here already. The banging on the door must have frightened her so much that she went to her favourite hidey-hole. Which was now going to have to be covered seeing as she really was too big for it.

I knew I should have covered it after the first time she appeared down there. I knew it was going to end badly.

I placed her in her raised house thing that I'd got her. Technically, it was designed for if you have a dog as well as a cat. The cat can get up and down, but the dog can't. I just bought it because I thought it looked cool and it meant that she was out from under everyone's feet. That was the theory, anyway.

As I reached my bedroom door, I heard a soft meow from behind me and I turned to see her following me. She had a slight limp on her left back leg, so instead of just letting her in my room, as I would have done normally, I scooped her up and settled her on my chest as I walked into my bedroom.

I put her on the bed and took off my shirt and socks, not bothering to remove my jeans. Too much effort and I had only realised a few minutes ago, how exhausted I really was.

I flopped down on my front burying my head in my pillows. Nix climbed onto my back, curling up at the base of my spine as she always did. I couldn't help but smile to myself as her contented purrs started to ring into the silence that was my bedroom. So easy it was for her to go from being in one frame of mind to another almost instantly.

_Oh, the life of a cat._ I thought, as the exhaustion from lack of sleep last night crept up on me.

I needed an escape.

_***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***_

_I hadn't realised how dark it had gotten as I'd been inside the store. I was now beginning to understand what people were talking about when they said I was music obsessed._

_It wasn't my fault that there was so much to choose from and experience when it came to the musical world. Something so familiar can change even the tiniest bit, and become something completely different, and yet still as beautiful and meaningful. Different experiences, opinions and view points, so many different situations, emotions and messages can be conveyed through musical means. It was unlike anything else in the world._

_And people didn't really understand why I loved it so much._

_It was like asking Bella why she loves to lose herself in books, or why Rosalie loves to escape everything by meddling with the engine of someone's car. Why Jasper loves anything to do with the Civil War – even though, to me that _is_ weird – or Emmett loves football, or even how Alice loves to lose herself in the latest news in the fashion world._

_Those were their passions._

_Music was mine._

_It was something I had grown up with my entire life. I don't remember not being able to play the piano. It was one of the only things I truly loved doing with my time, other than being with my friends and when I was at school or work that is._

_The piano was my escape from the trivial pursuits of the world._

_Also, it wasn't my fault that the store was open ridiculously late for those obsessive types like me._

_As I made my way towards my Volvo, which was parked on the next street, I noticed that I had to pass a group of men, who appeared to be completely out of it. And I don't think that it was just drink that they were intoxicated on._

_I tried to walk as far over as I could, eager to get past them and into the safe confines of my car._

_But it appeared that they had other ideas._

_Before I knew what was happening, I was on the ground, not having noticed the foot that had flown out in front of my own._

_As I hit the ground, the sound of laughter filled the air around me and I felt my cheeks heating up with the embarrassment. I got to my knees, gathering up all of the music that I had purchased at the store, which had scattered around me as I'd fallen. I reached out to grab one of the CDs when a foot suddenly slammed down on my hand, making me yell out in pain._

_The sound of laughter filled the air again as the heavy boot on my hand pressed my hand further into the sidewalk and twisted, adding more and more pain to my already screaming hand._

"_Well, what have we got here?" Someone else leaned down and picked up one of the other CDs that I hadn't been able to grab. "Looks like we've got a little rich boy here, boys."_

"_Sure does." Another one of them said and I could sense them surrounding me. I couldn't see how fighting back would help me. Actually, it would probably piss them off even more and that would cost me even more. If this was a game to them, what would they do if they were truly pissed off? I didn't want to know the answer to that question._

_The bag of music that I had in my free hand suddenly disappeared and was promptly emptied over the sidewalk, to more rounds of laughter. The foot released my hand and I instinctively clutched it to my chest, attempting and failing to relieve the pain._

_It was then that another foot collided with my side with such a force and angle that I flipped over, landing painfully on my back._

"_Now, what would a little rich boy like you be doing here at this time of night?" I opened my eyes to see one of them towering over me. He reached down and grabbed the front of my shirt, pulling me up and effectively putting me back on my feet. "I asked you a question, rich boy."_

_He didn't give me time to reply before his forehead made contact with my nose to more rounds of laughter. I heard and felt something snap and I knew that he'd probably broken my nose. I couldn't even fall to the floor like I had before, because he still had my shirt clutched in his hands._

"_He thinks he's too good to give us an answer." One of the others sneered. I could smell the alcohol on this guys breath and it made me want to hurl. I knew there was a reason I didn't drink often, and this was it. It made people gross and violent, sick and twisted. The only time I did drink was when it was someone's birthday, Christmas or New Years. Call me a square, but I'd prefer that to behaving like this any time._

"_Too good, huh?" The guy holding me growled before his fist left go of my shirt and came into contact with my face._

_He didn't hold onto my shirt this time and I fell backwards, to yet more laughter._

_I rolled onto my side, spitting out the blood that had accumulated in my mouth before another foot came into contact with my side._

_I knew that if I didn't get out of here now, they could very well kill me. And for what? I hadn't done anything wrong. They were just out of it and looking for a victim._

_They'd found one._

"_Trying to get away, huh?" I heard one of them laugh, landing another blow to my ribs, causing me to yell out yet again._

"_Oh, no you don't." I felt a hand grab the back of my shirt yanking me back up, and I felt a searing pain in my side. "You ain't going nowhere." He sneered in my ear._

_I bit down on my lip, hard enough to draw blood, so they wouldn't have hear me shouting out in pain as I had done earlier. That seemed to be what drove them on in their attack, but I knew that my staying silent wouldn't deter them._

_My head fell down as I clenched my eyes closed, willing it to stop, willing the pain to go away, when the pain in my side increased. The pain and fear was overwhelming my senses and I knew that there was a very good chance that I could be killed right here and no one would know until someone found me._

_I opened my eyes slowly, hoping that it would stop soon, when I saw the reason for the excruciating pain in my side. I clenched my eyes closed again, unable to keep the image of the knife in my side, or the shout of pain as the pressure on it increased at bay._

"_I don't think he's having fun." The guy holding me said to the others. "Are you guys having fun?"_

"_Not enough." Another laughed, walking up behind the guy holding me and grabbing my hair, yanking my head up fiercely._

_I didn't know how much more of this I could take._

My eyes flew open and I flipped myself over quickly, running through to the bathroom, nearly missing the toilet completely as my stomach emptied itself.

The nightmares were back.

I don't know how long I spent kneeling there, my stomach emptying itself, tears flowing down my cheeks in the aftermath of the nightmare I had just had.

I pressed the flush on the toilet, leaning back against the wall next to it, letting the tears fall as there was no way that I was going to be able to stop them. I never could.

Why were they back?

_Because your family's here._ My mind reasoned and I was inclined to agree with it. I hadn't had a nightmare for the last six years, and thankfully, it hadn't been one of the worst I had had. Could they really be classed as nightmares when they were technically memories. At least I hadn't had to relive the whole night yet again. Those were the memories that I couldn't handle. Those were the ones that sent me off the edge. I couldn't handle those ones again. Not after I'd worked so hard to get rid of them.

I stood up, leaning on the counter and lifting up my head to look in the mirror.

I looked awful.

My skin, normally pale and smooth, looked gauntingly grey and clammy, just how it always did after a nightmare. My eyes, normally green, were practically black and there were circles forming underneath my eyes. I needed to get some proper sleep soon, or else I wasn't going to be able to function. I hadn't slept well last night, for obvious reasons, and now with the resurfacing of my nightmares, I didn't think that I would be getting any decent sleep anytime soon.

I stood up straight looking in the mirror and turned to the side, running my finger down the scar that was still visible even through the layer of ink I had running over it. Jake hadn't asked me about the scar or what happened for me to acquire it, but I knew he was burning to. I appreciated that he kept his questions to himself, not wanting to get involved.

Even though he was silent, the sentiment that had come through in his eyes and expression had said all he needed to say. _'If you need to talk, I'm here._' I had used that offer a couple of times over the last decade, but never divulging too much.

I quickly brushed my teeth, getting rid of the taste of puke before I walked back out to my bedroom, where I was met with an extremely disgruntled Nix, glaring at me from where she was sat on my bed.

I looked at the clock on my table and saw that it was only seven thirty in the evening. I sighed, throwing myself back down on my bed, running my hands first up and down my face and then through my hair.

I heard a light purring in my ear and turned to see Nix settling herself on my pillow. She was still wearing that disgruntled expression, clearly not happy about having been thrown off of the bed in such a manner.

"Hey, sweetheart." I reached over and gently placed her on my chest, where she promptly walked down and settled herself on my stomach. Right where she normally did. "I'm sorry." I whispered as she looked at me with one eye. "I'm sorry for waking you up." I don't know what I was waiting for. Some kind of answer, maybe? I knew that I wasn't going to get one, but that wasn't the point. She could understand me. I was sure of that.

How the hell would she know the word cheese if she couldn't?

I closed my eyes again and settled my head back on my pillow, hoping to get some sleep that didn't involve visiting my past, when there was a knock on my door.

Sighing heavily, I moved Nix off of my stomach, being met with a new set of scratch marks and a disgruntled meow as I placed her on the bed.

I climbed off of the bed and made my way out of my bedroom, hearing her meowing and following me as I walked. She wanted to go to sleep, but she wouldn't if I wasn't in there with her. Whoever said that cats sleep eighteen hours a day didn't send that memo to Nix. She only sleeps when I do. I have no idea what the hell she does when I'm at work, and I'm not sure I want to know.

There was another knock on my door, just as soft and careful as the one that preceeded it.

"Hang on." I called out, sidestepping the cat that thought I should be in bed with her right now. "I couldn't agree with you more, Nix. Now would you kindly stop trying to trip me up?" I mumbled, grabbing her and tucking her under my arm, making my way to the door.

I unlocked it and opened it slowly, wishing I hadn't when I saw my parents standing there.

"Edward?" My mothers' voice was full of relief and tears. "We were so worried when you locked yourself away and didn't come out." I could hear that she was choking back tears.

"Why did you leave, son?" My father stepped up next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him. _Don't they understand that I can't hurt them anymore?_ _I should send them away. Tell them to leave me alone. That I don't want to see them again._

But I wouldn't do that.

I couldn't hurt them like that. Not after I've hurt them so much already. And besides, I don't think I'd have any balls left if I did that. Emmett would certainly take care of that.

"Which time?" I asked dryly, leaning against the doorframe, grasping Nix with both hands instead of just one. She settled onto my chest, which I noticed that my parents couldn't keep their eyes off. _Oh, the artwork, right._ I thought as Nix rubbed her head up against my chin, purring contentedly.

"We'd like to know the answer to both, but for now, we'll settle for today." My father replied, his eyes stern and yet comforting at the same time, saying that he wanted answers, but unlike Emmett he wasn't going to push me so hard to get them. Ever the compassionate man was my father.

And I hated him for it.

How could be so compassionate when I had disappeared and not given my family a backward glance for a decade? I didn't understand him.

I heard the elevator at the end of the corridor bing and I looked out to see my neighbour, Mrs. Nichols walking towards us to get to her apartment.

"You guys had better come in." I sighed moving to the side so that they could get past me.

"You're pretty popular these days, aren't you, Eddie?" She smiled at me, grinning when she saw Nix still nuzzling into my jaw, completely oblivious to the world around her.

"Tell me about it." I replied, smiling at her. She was one of the only people that I would allow to call me 'Eddie'. She had been so kind to me when I moved in, not caring who I was, where I came from or what I looked like. She became a friendly face when I needed someone to talk to. Of course she doesn't know what happened, but then again, who does?

I stepped back into my apartment, closing the door behind me. I put Nix down and she finally noticed my parents standing there, looking at me, curious expressions on their faces.

She slowly stalked around them, like one would a potential threat before she ran into the bedroom. _My cat is insane,_ I thought, shaking my head at the strange animal. I followed her into my bedroom, grabbing a tshirt from my dresser, making sure it was appropriate for my parents. _AC/DC. That'll do. _I thought, pulling it over my head. I might not have seen them for years, but still, I knew I had to wear something appropriate when I saw my parents.

"You alright, sweetheart." I stroked Nix gently as she hid herself between my parents. She let out this pathetic little wail and looked up at me, her eyes wide.

I shook my head, walking out into the living room where my parents were sitting on the edge of the sofa, waiting for me. I walked into the room, flopping over the side of the armchair that also resided in the room. I waited for them to talk, because I sure as hell wasn't going to start.

"Your cat is beautiful, Edward." My mother sighed, and I noticed her watching something on the floor. The next thing I knew, Nix had jumped up on my stomach and was settling down, lying along my chest, looking up at me, her eyes wide and expectant. "She's very skittish though, isn't she?"

"Well, being scared out of your wits twice in less than twenty-four hours will do that to a cat." I replied, stroking her, smiling when she started to purr and lean into my hand.

"What do you mean?" I looked over at the two of them, seeing that they were watching Nix.

"Emmett and Jasper pounding on the door at stupid o'clock this morning, and then obviously coming back at some point today." I explained. "I got back and she'd gotten herself trapped down in her usual hidey-hole. I think she's hurt herself as well."

"Poor thing." My mother crooned, watching Nix has she happily rubbed herself up against my hand. At the moment I think it was more of a territory thing. She was marking me as hers, just in case the strangers didn't know that particular fact.

"Esme." My dad said sternly and she stiffened slightly. "We're not here to discuss Edward's cat." I fought the major urge to roll my eyes. Where the fuck does he get off. He's treating me like a goddamn child. He should know by now that I've grown up. "Edward, why did you leave this afternoon? Why didn't you talk to us?"

"Because I can't." I replied, my voice nothing more than a whisper. They'd heard it. I know they had, because they both stiffened slightly, looking at each other.

"What do you mean you can't?" My mom asked, worry resounding in her voice. "We're your parents and we love you. You can always talk to us."

"No." I shook my head. "I can't."

"Of course you can."

"If I can always talk to you, why didn't you listen eleven years ago?" I asked, my voice low.

"What do you mean?" The two of them looked at each other. "What are you talking about, Edward?"

"I needed to talk to you … to tell you something." I took a deep breath, feeling the tears that I had been able to keep at bay until today, from falling. It wasn't going to well. "Something … painful and important and …… I got nothing. From anyone. It was always 'I'll talk to you later' or 'I'm sure someone else can help you, dear'. I tried talking to everyone. But no one would listen to me." I took another breath, looking down at Nix who was giving me a reproachful look, seeming to ask me what was wrong. "So I pushed everyone away."

"Well, we're here now." My mother said. "Why don't you tell us now?"

"Because it's too late." I replied, my tone harsher than I wanted it to be.

"Don't talk to your mother that way." My dad scolded me and I didn't fight the urge to roll my eyes. "You might be covered in all these tattoos and piercings now, Edward … but you're still our son."

"Yeah, well … I'm not the kid you knew way back when." I replied, turning to face him once more, my hands dropping, one on the back of the chair and one on the side of the seat. "I'm not the same kid that used to run around with Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Bella and Alice. I'm not him anymore."

"We get that, Edward." My dad sighed, running his hand through his hair, a habit I'd picked up from him, growing up. "But we just want to know that you're okay. When you left, it felt like my heart had been ripped out. I mean, we got back to find the kids panicking, your bike gone and none of them knowing where on earth you were."

"I believe at that time I was riding across some unknown state not knowing where I was going or what I was going to do." I mumbled resuming stroking Nix, who had been glowering at me for stopping. _Damn cat._ I thought dryly.

"Why didn't you call us?" My mother asked and I could hear the tears in her voice. "Why didn't you let us know where you were? We didn't know whether or not you were alright, whether you were doing okay or whether you were even alive." She sounded strained at the end of what she was saying and I closed my eyes.

"Why, Edward?"

"Because I'd already hurt everyone enough." I sighed, keeping my eyes closed. I didn't want to look at either of them.

"That doesn't make sense." My father replied, as harshly as I had responded to my mother a few minutes ago. "How does leaving not hurt us? What did you think would happen when you left?"

"Pass."

"What?" He sounded confused and I opened my eyes to see them both looking at each other, perplexed expressions on their faces.

"I said, pass." I repeated. "It means I'm not going to answer the question."

"Don't you think we deserve some answers, Edward?" My mother looked at me, her eyes wide and reproachful. Has she been watching my cat for the last ten minutes.

I didn't say anything in return. I knew that I could be acting more grown up, but it hurt to think about what happened. It hurt that they thought they had some grip on what happened. Especially when they had no clue whatsoever.

"Why did you leave today?" I heard my mother's whisper, even though it was a barely breathed sigh.

"Because I couldn't handle everyone being there." I replied, my voice only just louder than a whisper.

"What do you mean?" She sounded confused again. "I mean, I know Emmett's being rather pushy, but you've always known how to deal with him. It's nothing new for him to be like that."

"It's not Emmett." I rested my head against the back of the chair. "Well, maybe some of it is Emmett. I am pretty attached to my head, but …… no. It's not him."

"Then what?"

"Everything." I whispered, not looking at them, but at something very interesting on the wall. "Everything and everyone." I closed my eyes again. "I can't handle it."

"We want to help you, honey." My mom said softly.

I heard her get up off of the sofa and her heels click on the wooden floor before becoming muffled by the rug I had on the floor. She knelt next to me and Nix dug her claws into my stomach, probably wondering what the hell the crazy lady in front of her wanted.

A low rumble started in her throat and my head snapped up. "Hey." She looked at me, her eyes reproachful and the rumbling stopped. She knew that she was in trouble. I raised my eyebrows at her and she rested her head back on my chest.

"She's very intelligent." My mom mumbled and I nodded, resting my head on the back of the chair again. "She's so nervous though."

"She's not normally." I murmured, looking at the fuzzball on my chest. "Normally, she's really confident and, dare I say it, a bit cocky. But ever since Emmett stepped on her last night, she's been really skittish and nervous. It's all these people she doesn't know. They scare her."

"Poor thing." She crooned, a smile on her face.

"She'll get over it." I replied and my mother scowled at me.

"That's not a very nice thing to say." I shrugged, not really caring. It's not like she was paying any attention to me. "This is beautiful."

I looked down to see my mom looking at the pixie on my inside forearm. She gently ran her thumb down it and smiled slightly.

"I thought you hated tattoos." I raised an eyebrow at her and she nodded.

"I do." She breathed. "But there's something familiar about this one."

"I inked one similar onto Alice this afternoon." She nodded, indicating that she'd seen it. I didn't know whether I would have scold Alice for that at our next session, seeing as the gauze wasn't supposed to be removed for at least twenty four hours. I had felt it on her shoulder when she'd hugged me, so she had put it back on straight afterwards. Still, it was the principle of the thing. "It's Alice." I whispered and my mom looked up at me.

"What?"

"The pixie on my arm." I nodded, indicating to it. "It's Alice."

She looked down at the pixie again. The design was the same as Alice's, but instead of her behind sat on a branch, as I had engineered for Alice's, the one on my arm was in mid-flight, her wings in motion on the skin of my arm. Her features were the same, the same look of longing on her face and the same spiky hair. I had added in a little more detail for Alice's seeing as detailed drawings are what I excel in.

"It's amazing." She breathed and I felt her breath on my arm. "Did you…"

"I drew it, yes." I confirmed and she smiled.

"Edward, honey." She looked at me, her eyes wide and filling with tears again. I hated it when anyone I know – or even people I don't – start to cry. I felt useless. "Why did you leave us?"

I looked at her, wary of how I should answer. I couldn't tell her the truth, not the whole truth anyway. But I could tell her a tiny portion, couldn't I?

I kept it simple.

"Because I had to."

_**Love? Hate?**_

_**Well, we've found out a little bit of what happened that changed Edward. But not the whole story. That will be coming soon, but he still has a long way to go before he can open up to anyone about it.**_

_**We'll have to be patient with him.**_

_**And before anyone asks, I think it's kind of obvious how Carlisle and Esme knew where he lived. *coughs* Emmett *cough* Sorry, something stuck in my throat. What? *looks around innocently*.**_


	6. You Don't Have To Tell Me

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I do, however own a fuckload of belly bars that I love to change multiple times a day.**

**_This chapter's a little shorter than the previous ones, but it has a _big_ step for Edward in it, so I hope that makes up for it._**

_Children waiting for the day they feel good,  
Happy birthday, happy birthday.  
And I feel the way that every child should,  
Sit and listen, sit and listen._

_Went to school and I was very nervous,  
No one knew me, no one knew me.  
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?  
Look right through me, look right through me._

'_Mad World' – Gary Jules._

_***~* Bella *~***_

Biting my nails, I couldn't help but worry about how it was going over at Edward's. The strange thing was, I wasn't worrying about Esme or Carlisle and how they would react.

I was worrying about Edward.

He had seemed so ……… fragile, I think is the way to put it, when Alice and I had seen him earlier. Something about him wasn't the same.

He was right though. Teddy Bear was gone.

I could see that.

Alice on the other hand, was convinced that there was some way to get him back. Some way for her brother to resurface again. I agreed that we could get some semblence of the old Edward back, but to do that, we had to understand and _know_ what happened to him before he left. And there was no way that was going to happen when Emmett was behaving the way he was.

All he would do is drive Edward further into the fortress that he's built. It was effectively keeping us all out.

For now.

I wanted to be the one that Edward opened up to. The one he told his secrets to. But I knew that I didn't really have that privilege. _If_ he told anyone anything, it was most likely to be Alice, purely because of the fact that she's his sister. Sharing a womb with someone gives you certain privileges.

"You're wrong, you know." Alice mumbled from where she was laying next to me. I looked down at her and she looked up at me.

Currently, we were both sprawled across her sofa, her head resting on my stomach. She was laying in front of me, pressing me into the back of the sofa, like we used to be when we were little. Well, she still is little, but that's beside the point.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, cocking an eyebrow.

"I know what you're thinking." She lifted her head up, and tilted her head at me slightly. "You're thinking that he's going to talk to one of us over you. Because we're his family. But you're wrong." I opened my mouth to argue, but she held up a hand, stopping me. "Don't you get it? You know more about him than we all do."

"She's right, Bells." Rosalie whispered softly from the armchair. She had changed completely after seeing Edward this afternoon. She had seen what Alice and I saw.

_*~* Flashback *~*_

_I felt kind of dejected, walking out of _New Moon_ for the second time today._

"_Well?" Emmett and Jasper asked, walking up to us. They had been told to stay outside, because they hadn't been acting in the most constructive manner since the discovery that Edward was in fact, in Chicago._

_We were trying to get closer to Edward, not push him away. And that's what Emmett and Jasper seemed to be doing. And it wasn't helping._

"_Well?" I asked, looking up at him as he peered down at me._

"_Where's Edward?" He asked, looking into the shop, seeing Esme and Carlisle hugging each other, Esme clearly crying._

"_He um …… he bailed." Alice whispered, shrugging away from Jasper. She was still pissed that he had blurted out where Edward was in the first place. He wasn't going to be let off easily this time._

"_What do you mean 'he bailed'?" Emmett asked, his hands clenching into fists as he stood there in front of me._

"_He went into the back room and disappeared." Alice explained. "It seems there's a backdoor leading out from his office. He left through that."_

"_For fucks' sake." He growled, clearly pissed._

"_Emmett!" Carlisle's voice made us all turn as he and Esme walked out of the shop._

"_Sorry, Dad." He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, closing his eyes, trying to calm down. "It's just that …… he couldn't even stick around to talk to you guys."_

"_Emmett." Rosalie said softly, behind him. "I um, …… I think Bella and Alice are right." She looked and smiled at me._

"_What do you mean?" He asked, looking at her as though she had just taken away his only form of life support. "What do you mean you think they're right?"_

"_What I mean is that, I think he's hurting. A lot more than he's allowing us to see. I think there's a lot more going on here than we can see." She looked up at him, obviously willing him to listen to her. "Baby, listen to me. I think that … we need to let him be."_

"_How can you say that?" He asked her, clearly frustrated. "After all this time, how can you say that?"_

"_Quite easily." She replied, her eyes hardening. "Listen, Emmett. Leave. Him. Be."_

_He knew not to argue with Rosalie when she was in this kind of mood. He'd done that once, and paid for it with a severe case of blue balls._

_*~* End Flashback *~*_

I looked over at Rosalie to find that she was smiling at me. Emmett was not pleased about the turn of events. We all knew that he was happy to have found his brother, but another part of him was telling him to be angry at Edward. And it seemed that part was winning at the moment.

"She is right." Rosalie nodded, swinging her feet gently over the edge of the chair. "You know things about him that none of us will ever know." She sighed, looking down at her hands sadly. "You're probably the one he'll open up to, if he ever does."

"Why do you guys think that?" I looked between the two of them. "I mean, if he was going to tell me, wouldn't he have told me before he left?"

"Not necessarily." Jasper put in. He was sitting, quite dejectedly on the sofa opposite from us. I could tell that he wanted to make everything up to his wife, but I knew that Alice wouldn't let him off the hook quite so easily. He would have to grovel for a good couple of days at least to get her to forgive him. "I mean, say you guys are right, and something really _did_ happen to him back in Forks, and he didn't tell any of us. There's a huge chance that whatever wounds he's carrying were still too raw to open again. Like pouring salt on a wound."

"I guess so." I couldn't help but concede that argument.

Emmett hadn't reappeared, obviously pissed at the fact that his wife was taking the side of his brother rather than his.

"Rose." She looked up at me, her eyes sad and thoughtful. "What changed your mind earlier?"

She took a deep breath. "I did what you said." She whispered softly. "I looked into his eyes. They were so sad and dark. It was like something had taken away all the light that had once resided in them. It was hard to look at. And I knew, that somewhere, under all that artwork and piercings, that our Edward is in there somewhere. We just have to get him back somehow."

"I don't know that we can." I said to no one in particular and Alice stiffened beside me.

"What do you mean, Bella?" She asked, looking up at me. "Teddy's in there. He's in there somewhere."

"I don't think so, Ali." I shook my head. "I think our Edward is in there, behind all those walls and barriers he's put up, but I don't think that Teddy's in there anymore. Too much has happened for him to be in there still."

"Maybe……" She trailed off at the end, thoughtful. "His cat was cute though." She added at the end.

"Wasn't it, though?" Rosalie grinned. "I'd never pictured Edward having a cat, but the way he was with it last night. It was so cute."

I nodded, smiling, my mind playing back to the previous night with Edward and how he handled that beautiful silver tabby that he so clearly loved. It showed that the old, compassionate Edward was still in there somewhere. All we had to do was find him again.

Esme and Carlisle came back at about nine o'clock, looking a bit worse for wear. They had decided that they needed to speak to Edward on his own, without the influence of everyone else around him.

They didn't really find anything out apart from the fact that he was the one with the pixie on his forearm. Alice was especially touched when they said that he'd told them that it was his own interpretation of her.

They didn't find anything out about why he left, other than what he said about having to. I remembered that he had said he didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. That's why he left. They didn't tell us anything else and I resolved that I would sneak away and let him know that if he ever needed to, that he could talk to me. About anything.

I just hoped that I could help him in whatever small way I could.

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

It was still early morning when I woke up. We'd all still been chatting away when we'd fallen asleep, so I had to careful extricate myself from underneath Alice to get out.

Thankfully, I managed to get out of the house without waking anyone up, though they'd all be wondering where I was when they woke up themselves.

I couldn't help that though, could I?

I quickly made my way home, faster than I had done before, taking about a minute, when normally it would have taken me at least two. Not that much of a difference I know, but still, it's faster than normal. Give me that much at least.

I think I had the quickest shower in the history of showers, managing to wash my hair and get completely clean in two minutes flat, at the slowest. I've never been one to have a quick shower, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Or something to that effect anyway.

Quickly throwing on a pair of baggy, comfy jeans and an _Enter Shikari_ t-shirt – an outfit that I think Alice would hang, draw and quarter me for wearing in public, I slipped on a pair of Chucks, grabbed my jacket and bag and was out the door. I threw my hair up – still wet – in a loose ponytail, knowing that it was probably going to have an enormous kink in it by the end of the day, and not really caring, as I walked towards the elevator.

I fidgeted all throughout the elevator ride to the lobby – which to be fair was only about a minute in the small space – and as soon as the doors were open far enough for me to squeeze through, I was out and across the lobby, no doubt drawing stares of confused tenants as I practically ran out of the building.

I remembered the way to Edward's apartment from the way we had followed him home two nights previous. I knew that there was a shorter way, meaning that I didn't have to go past the shop and take that extra journey round.

Before I could gather my thoughts and work out what I was going to say to him, I found myself thankful that you didn't need to buzz up to the specific apartment or use a keycard to get in. I pulled open the door and made my way over to the elevator, trying to look like I belonged there. I didn't get stopped on the way over there, so as the doors of the elevators closed, I breathed a sigh of relief and instead began panicking about how Edward was going to react when he found me on his doorstep.

I hoped that he didn't turn me away.

I needed to talk to him without the influence or persistence of the others. I think I knew how to handle talking to him. Emmett, on the other hand, did not. His idea of persuasion was using his fists and that, I knew for a fact, was not going to work.

If Edward was anything like he used to be, we needed to wait for him to open up on his own. I hoped that he was like he used to be. I missed him, and I didn't really care for the new Edward. But if that's who he is now, then I guess I would take what I can get.

All I know is that I needed him near. I needed Edward.

I hadn't realised that until he left all those years ago.

I had felt empty. Alone. And finding him again, it was like something within me started to breathe again. Like the hole within my chest was filling up slowly with more and more time that I spent with him.

I stopped outside his door, taking a deep breath before I lifted my hand and gently knocked on his door, hoping that a) I hadn't woken him up and b) that he was still here. I closed my eyes slowly, breathing a sigh of relief when I heard someone cursing on the other side of the door. I bit my lip, hoping that I hadn't woken him up.

Before I could compose myself, the door opened and he was standing right in front of me, shirtless, wearing nothing but a pair of extremely low hung jeans.

"Bella?" He looked extremely confused. But why wouldn't he?

"Hi." I breathed, trying to smile. I think I managed it to a certain degree.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, looking out into the corridor momentarily, probably looking for the others.

"I'm here on my own." I clarified and he relaxed a little. It was then that I noticed the squirming feline under his arm. "You're not though." I pointed to the cat and he looked down, smiling slightly.

"Yeah, she tries to make a break for it every time I open the door. Well, lately she does anyway." He shrugged looking back up at me. "She never did before a couple of days ago." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes momentarily. "Did you want to come in?" He sounded unsure of what he wanted. Whether or not he wanted me to come in, but being polite either way.

"Only if you want me to." I told him honestly. "I don't want you to invite me in because you feel you have to."

His features seemed to soften at my answer, as though he had been expecting me to immediately say that I wanted to. He stepped back, a slight smile on his face. "Come in."

"Are you sure?" I asked, still unsure.

"You comin' in or what?" He stood there, door open, grinning at me. I couldn't not giggle at him, standing there covered in ink, looking every inch the dangerous 'bad boy', yet having a restless cat under his arm.

I grinned, slipping past him quickly before he closed the door. I turned around to see him setting the cat on the floor before she zipped past me, running into the kitchen.

"Goddammit." He mumbled and I followed him through to see the cat scratching at a board down by the side of a cupboard.

"What is she doing?" I asked as he scooped her up, tapping her nose gently.

"She's trying to get back into a hole I boarded up after she got stuck down there." He explained, setting her down again, rolling his eyes when she shot through his legs, back in the direction he had come from. "She's not getting back in there."

"Why does she want to get down there?" I asked, looking to see her scratching and mewing at the board that was blocking her way. I could see that there was a small gap either side of it, neither of them big enough for her to fit her paw down, let alone her whole body.

"That's where she goes when she's afraid." He answered, turning around and facing me. "Did you want a drink or anything?"

"Um……" I bit my lip, wondering what the best answer to that question was.

"I was just gonna make some coffee if you wanted some." He seemed to be as unsure as I was, standing there. I nodded, biting my lip gently and he smiled, turning into the kitchen.

I took this chance to look over the artwork adorning his body – seeing as he had yet to put a shirt on – and could barely keep my jaw from dropping at the detail that ran over his back, chest and arms.

It was incredible.

All of it.

There was a bears head on his right shoulder, snarling and growling, fading down onto his bicep, becoming whole when he had his arms by his side. A rose was looped around its neck, seeming to be embracing it in some way, the thorns caressing instead of choking. The rose ended up at the base of his neck in full bloom, the red startling against his skin almost white skin.

I noticed on his forearm, the pixie that Alice and I had been looking at. The original of the one that her adaptation had come from. Of course he would be able to come up with a design perfect for Alice, seeing as he had the original on him all the time. On his lower back, slightly off to the right side was a sword and a rifle crossed. I noticed that when he had his arm down, the pixie and the crossed weaponry were in perfect alignment. That had to mean something.

Even though there were many other tattoos decorating his body, the one that caught my attention the most was the one on his left shoulder blade, right above his heart.

It was an anatomically correct heart, probably about the same as his own, and every time the muscles beneath his skin moved, it looked like the heart was beating.

That was not the only thing that drew me to it though. Most of the heart was black, save one small section that had a lily, my favourite flower, bursting into bloom. From the base of the lily, the heart was red, seeming to trickle down into the heart, attempting to bring it back to life, while the tendrils of the heart swirled and twisted about his body, looping and curling around his spine, travelling over his shoulder and to the bottom of his neck and disappearing under the hem of his jeans.

It was spectacular.

I wondered what it meant.

"See something you like?" He asked, holding out a cup for me, smiling slightly.

"I was just admiring your tattoos." I answered honestly, and dumbly, if I'm being honest with myself. "They're incredible."

"Thanks." He mumbled, looking down into his own cup, seemingly uncomfortable again.

"They must have hurt." _Duh, Bella!_

"A little." He looked up at me, his green eyes seeming a bit lighter than they had the day before. "What are you doing here, Bella?" He asked, taking me by surprise, turning around.

And. I. Am. Died.

As he turned, I saw the light glinting off of his chest, illuminating two barbells, one through each nipple. Something that was a certain weakness of mine. _I think I might need to change my panties. _I thought, feeling a little embarrassed but having no idea why. _Oh! Maybe it's because you're staring at his freaking nipples, you weirdo!_

I made myself look back up at his face where he had a slight smirk on his face. _Crap!_ He'd seen me looking at his nipples. Crap! Bollocks! Shit! Fuck!

"I wanted to talk to you." I mumbled back, lamely, taking a sip of my coffee, doing anything I could to defer the situation at hand.

"What about?" He asked, taking a gulp of his own coffee. He set the cup down before walking across the kitchen and gently booting his cat out of the way. She – as he had mentioned before – looked up at him, seemingly displeased at his stopping her from burrowing out of sight. He pointed out into the living room and she sulked away, disappearing from my sight.

"Wow." I blinked a couple of times, staring after the dejected cat. "I think that's one of the only trained cats I've ever seen." I smiled at him and he shrugged back, walking over to his coffee again.

"She's still young so … I don't know." He shrugged again, taking a gulp of his coffee. "She's still learning, I guess."

"How old is she?" I asked, looking over at him, seeing the ink on his chest for the first time, but not really being able to make sense of it. If I could see it head on, I think I would, but meh, what you gonna do?

"She'll be six months next week." He nodded through to the living room.

The two of us walked through to the living room and he set his cup down on the coffee table in front of us, before holding up a finger, silently telling me he'd be a minute before padding off into his bedroom.

It gave me a minute to admire his décor.

It was very much how I would expect him to decorate actually. Not saying that he was predictable or anything, but still. I guess people don't really change that much.

The whole thing had an ethereal, yet dangerous feel about it, if you know what I mean. It was a mix of purples, blacks and golds. Sounds like a weird combination, right? But it totally worked.

The floor was laminate, as is expected in any apartment in the middle of Chicago. I mean mine is as well, so I wasn't expecting much different. There was a large oval rug spreading underneath the coffee table, large enough to encompass the entire floor space in between the two sofas and the armchair.

The drapes on the large window overlooking the city were a deep purple colour. Almost as black as his leather couches. Good for keeping out peeping toms, I guess.

It was all very …… sensual, I guess would be the way to put it.

As I was sitting there waiting for him to come back, something brushed past my foot and I yelped, jumping a little, looking down to see his cat sitting there, looking up at me, her eyes wide and intuitive.

"Nix, what are you doing now?" I heard his deep velvety voice come from behind me moments before he scooped the cat up and flopped down on the armchair, slipping on a shirt as he did so.

Now why did he have to do that?

I was admiring the view.

_No, Bella!_ I scolded myself, shaking my head slightly. _You're not here to ogle, you're here to offer your support and friendship. Nothing more. No more imagining what he would look like underneath you, completely at your mercy as you …… No!!!_

I shifted slightly on the sofa as he stroked the cat, which was apparently called Nix, settling her on his lap where she rubbed herself up against him, purring loudly. I couldn't help but smile at how he was with her. It was obviously that he loved her.

"She's marking her territory." He explained as he indicated her rubbing her head against his knee. "She's letting you know that I'm hers."

"Silly thing." I shook my head, sipping at my coffee and he smiled at me, rubbing gently behind her ear. She stopped rubbing against him and settled her head on her crossed paws. She really was a cute little thing. "How come she was trying to hide."

"She's been wary of new people ever since Emmett and Jasper decided to try and beat my door down the other night." He explained, leaning back on the chair and closing his eyes slowly. "She got stuck down there yesterday. That's why I boarded it over so she couldn't get down there." He rubbed her back leg gently and she meowed at him softly, clearly not happy. "She hurt herself as well. If it's not right by tomorrow, I'm going to take her to the vet."

"Poor thing." Poor little thing. _I'm gonna kill Emmett_, I vowed in my head.

"She'll be alright." He looked down at the now snoozing cat as she slept peacefully on his knee.

"Are you sure?" I asked, not completely believing him.

He nodded, looking back up at me. "Nothings broken. I think that she's just stiff from being in the same spot for hours. So what did you want to talk about?"

"I just wanted to see if you're okay." I mumbled, not looking up at him. I felt him looking at me and I slowly looked up to see a softer look on his face.

"Really?" There was a hint of disbelief in his voice and I gave him a small smile.

"Really really." I nodded, my smile getting wider at the old confirmation that we used to give each other.

"Thank you." He said in a small voice and I looked up at him, confused.

"What for?"

"I don't know." He shrugged, shaking his head slightly. "For just …… not pushing me, you know?"

"I wouldn't." I whispered and he looked down, not making eye contact. "It's not up to me to decide what you do or don't tell me."

"Some people don't seem to understand that." He whispered, still not meeting my gaze.

"He means well." I said, earning a scoff from Edward. "He does. But he just doesn't know how to go about letting people know that fact."

"You're telling me." His hand went up, gently twisting one of the studs that ran through his lip, wincing slightly. "I just wish he'd leave me alone."

"Well …" I sighed gently, looking at the cat on his lap as she woke up from her short nap, stretching out and jumping off his knee. "Alice and I are working on it."

"Thank you." He smiled at me again.

"And if it helps, Rosalie isn't going to hassle you anymore." I told him and his head snapped towards me.

"What?" He sounded shocked. "Did you just say that Rosalie is going to leave me alone?" I nodded, trying not to laugh at his expression. "Wow."

"What's the big deal?" I asked, the laughter coming through in my tone, causing him to scowl at me. That didn't have the effect he was after because it only caused me to giggle at him even more.

"The fact that Rose is going to leave me alone." He shook his head, trying to comprehend that the intimidating blonde was no longer going to try to get any information out of him. "It's strange. The Rosalie I knew wouldn't give anything up until she got what she was looking for."

"Well…… maybe she saw that there was no point or reason for her to push you." I shrugged, trying to act nonchalant about the whole thing. "Maybe she realised that it would get her nowhere."

"No." He shook his head. "You know why she's leaving me alone." He narrowed his eyes at me. "And you're not going to tell me." That last part wasn't a question. It was a statement. He knew that I wasn't going to tell him, so he didn't press it, just as I wasn't going to press him.

"Good guess." I murmured, taking another sip of my coffee.

"Wasn't a guess." He said, getting up to take his empty mug into the kitchen.

"I know." I grinned at him as he stood in front of me, stretching, revealing his stomach to me again.

I resisted the urge to grab him where I knew he was most ticklish, instead clutching at my mug even tighter, hoping that I didn't break it.

I looked up at him, my gaze stopping on his exposed side. There was a small sliver of skin that was paler than the rest of his side, easily visible, even through the ink on his skin. Obviously a scar.

What the hell could have caused something like that.

"Edward?" I kept my eyes on the spot, even when his shirt covered it again. He hummed in response, clearly confused about what I was staring at. "What the hell is that?" I asked, forgetting my promise to him and myself of letting him open up on his own. Something serious happened for him to get that.

"What?" He asked, the confusion clear in his voice.

I put my coffee cup on the table next to me, reaching forward and grabbing his shirt, pulling it up and revealing his toned stomach again.

And the scar on his side.

"That." I ran my finger down it and he pulled away from me, yanking his shirt down again.

"Don't." He whispered, something unidentifiable in his tone. He walked out into the kitchen but this time I was hot on his heels.

"Don't what?" I asked, following behind him closely.

"I thought you said you weren't going to push." He turned and leaned on the counter behind him, his eyes full of pleading. He was silently pleading with me not to ask what I was going to.

"That was before I knew that you'd been hurt in some way." I reasoned and he sighed bowing his head.

"Bella, please." He looked back up at me, his eyes welling up and I knew that this was painful for him. But I had to know. If he didn't tell me then I was only going to be imagining the worst until he did find out.

"Please, Edward." I whispered, taking his hands in my own, squeezing them tightly. "I care about you too much to let this go."

"Bella……" He looked up at me, jade meeting chocolate. "Please…" He looked down at our intertwined fingers again.

"Edward……" I placed a finger under his chin, lifting his head up so he was looking at me again. "What happened?"

He took a deep breath through his nose, letting it out slowly though his mouth. He moved away from me, walking back towards the living room, not letting go of my hand. He sat down on the sofa, his eyes closed.

He opened his eyes, looking at the carpet. I kept our hands intertwined, gently running my thumb over the back of his hand, gently caressing his knuckles, waiting for him to tell me because I knew that he was about to. Something within me knew that he was going to tell me something that he'd originally kept from us.

"Please don't tell anyone……" He trailed off, closing his eyes again.

"Of course not." I shook my head and he sighed gently.

It was obviously hard for him to tell me this. Hell, it had taken him eleven years to work up to it.

"I was attacked."

I felt my mouth drop open and a gush of air leave my lungs. "What?" I breathed, feeling my eyes welling up from those three words. "When? Where?"

"Eleven years ago in Port Angeles." He clenched his eyes closed again whilst mine widened in shock.

"But that means that……" _That was a year before he left. _"Why didn't you tell us?"

He sighed, leaning back on the back of the sofa. "I tried." He whispered, running his free hand through his hair and down his face, his eyes still clenched shut. "Nobody had the time."

"I would have listened to you." I told him and he looked at me.

"I know." He sighed. "But it was the summer you were away with your parents in Florida. By the time you got back I ……… I didn't have the energy left anymore."

"I remember the guys saying that you'd stayed at a friends for a week or so over the summer." He shook his head and I saw a tear run down his cheek, telling me that there was something more to what happened to him. "What?"

"The first night I was in Port Angeles hospital getting stitched up and the rest of them I stayed in the motel just outside Port Angeles." He told me, his hand over his face. I could tell that some part of him was ashamed of how he'd handled things, but another part of me knew that it was incredibly hard for him to do this, even if he was holding something back.

Which I knew he was.

"Why didn't you go home?" I asked him, squeezhing his hand even tighter. "Why did you hide what happened to you?"

"I don't know." He shook his head, closing his eyes, more tears running down his cheeks.

"Something else happened to you, didn't it?" I asked, scooting closer to him and he looked up at me, his eyes full of fear. "I won't tell anyone. I promise."

"I can't." He looked straight ahead of him, staring at something interesting on the wall. "It hurts too much."

"So something else did happen?" I made it sound like a question, giving him the option of telling me. I wasn't going to push him, but sometihng told me that he hadn't told a soul and that he needed to.

He nodded slowly, not meeting my eye. He took a deep breath and I knew that he was about to let me know his darkest secret. I didn't know what I was waiting for, but I knew that it wasn't the words that came out of his mouth.

"I was raped."


	7. Please Don't Tell

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I do, however own the t-shirt Bella is wearing in this chapter.**

_Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming  
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights  
Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming  
The goddess of imaginary light_

_In my field of paper flowers  
And candy clouds of lullaby  
I lie inside myself for hours  
And watch my purple sky fly over me_

_'Imaginary' - Evanescence_

_***~* Edward *~***_

I did it.

I did what I told myself I would never do.

I told someone what happened.

After telling myself for years that it would never be known to anyone else on the planet, I had let it out and told someone.

I couldn't bear to look at Bella. She seemed frozen in place and I knew that she was staring at me. I didn't want to look into her eyes and see the pity there.

I didn't want that.

I hated pity.

Someone's pity means that the ones who did this to me have won. It means that people feel sorry for what they did to me and I didn't want that. All I wanted was to forget about what happened. Even though, my subconscious doesn't seem to want to let me be.

Going against what my mind was telling me to do, I slowly opened my eyes and looked at Bella. I didn't see what I thought I was going to. There was no anger in her eyes or expression. Instead I saw sorrow, anger and ……… love?

Was that right?

It couldn't be.

"Please say something." I whispered, closing my eyes again. The silence in the apartment was deafening. I could handle anything except this silence. "Please."

"I'm so sorry." She whispered and I could hear the tears in her voice. I looked at her and saw that she had tears running down her face. "I'm so sorry, Edward."

"No." I choked out, shaking my head. "No. You don't have anything to apologise for."

"Yes, I do." She sniffed, looking down at our intertwined hands. "I didn't notice that there was something wrong. I was your best friend. I should have known that there was something wrong, but I didn't. I was a horrible friend, I-"

"No, Bella!" I turned to look at her and she looked up at me, her expression shocked and confused. "This is not your fault. You are not to blame for this. What if you had noticed? You think it would have made a difference to how I was at the time? You think that it would have had an impact on anything?"

"You might not have left." She whispered, her eyes water-logged and wide. "We might have been able to work through things together. I might have been able to help. We might not have lost all those years. There are so many things that might have or might not have happened."

"No, Bella." I shook my head at her sadly, looking away from her. "That wouldn't have changed at all."

"How do you know?" She asked, edging closer to me, squeezing my hand even tighter than before.

"Because I _know_." I told her, looking back up her. "That's one thing that wouldn't haven't changed."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not the same." I mumbled, glancing down at our hands. "After …… I wasn't the same. I changed. I didn't belong there anymore."

"But you could have done." She insisted and I shook my head. "I could have helped you."

"By the time you came back … I had already started pushing people away. They didn't have the time to listen to me, or they just … didn't want to, I guess. By that point, I couldn't let anyone close to me after that. It was like, I don't know, something just clicked in my head." I looked back up at her and saw that there were still tears running down her face. "That fight with Emmett ……… it solidified everything in my mind, I guess. In that moment, it made sense to leave. And I've never regretted it."

"Never?" She asked, her voice raw and full of hurt.

"No." I whispered, because I truly did not regret moving away. I did regret not contacting them at all over the years, letting them know that I was okay. It wasn't that I hadn't thought about it, because I had, on many occassions, but something always stopped me. Told me that they wouldn't want to hear from me. That my correspondence would be unwelcome. So I couldn't bring myself to regret the decision to leave home.

It was the best decision I'd ever made. Even if it was for the wrong reasons.

"I can't help but feel guilty." She sniffed slightly. "To think that you went through all of that, on your own. But how did you manage to keep it from Carlisle. I mean, they must have known at the hospital who you were from Carlisle. How did you get away with going there. Your father's the best around, they would have known."

"Well, it turns out that Port Angeles doctors go for a really cheap bribe." I nodded, slightly, looking at her again. Her face had taken on a shocked expression.

"You bribed the doctors to stay quiet?" She asked, her voice a shocked whisper. I nodded slowly and she sniffed again. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I didn't want anyone to know." I replied, taking a breath, hearing the shudder than ripped through my body at the time. "You can't know. You can't understand." My voice was nothing more than a whisper, yet I knew that she'd heard every word I'd spoken.

"Then help me to." She pleaded with me. "Help me to know. Help me to understand. And can you get me some sodding tissues?"

I chuckled slightly, standing up and making my way over to a cabinet grabbing a box of Kleenex and handing it to her. She immediately grabbed three out of the box and wiped her eyes with them, looking at me.

"Help me to understand, Edward." She pleaded as soon as she had control of herself. "Please."

"It doesn't matter how many times I tell you what happened, or how it happened, where it happened or whatever. It won't change anything. You can't understand." I closed my eyes, not wanting to see how she reacted. "You can't understand what it feels like. How it feels to know that someone is finding your pain funny. To laugh at you as someone………" I couldn't say what I was implementing. She seemed to get what I meant anyway. "What it feels like to be …… treated … _violated _…… in that way and to have someone just … stand there and watch. How humiliating it is to have someone …… _doing that to you_."

"No." She whispered, and I felt her body move closer to mine. "I wouldn't have understood, but maybe I could have helped you. Please let me try."

"I don't know if I can." I admitted and she sighed, gently resting her head on my shoulder.

"Well……" She mumbled and I could feel her breath on my neck. "You've done what they say is the hardest thing."

"What's that?"

"You've told someone."

I looked up at her and I realised that she was right. They did say that telling someone for the first time was the hardest things. I wasn't sure that was accurate though.

"Whoever said that, obviously hadn't had anything happen to them." I replied sourly. "It's not the hardest thing."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere." She moved her head, resting her chin on my shoulder. "Now that I've found you again, I'm not going to let you go."

"Really?" I looked at her and she smiled at me.

"I'm here to stay."

"Thank you." I managed to give her a small smile and she pressed a chaste kiss to my cheek, just like she used to do. She rested her temple on my shoulder and I rested my head on hers. "Ow!" I looked down to see Nix sitting there, looking up at me, her eyes wide. "Why, you little-"

"Hey." Bella tapped me on the shoulder lightly. "Don't be mean to her. Her Daddy's sitting with another woman. She's feeling left out. She thinks her daddy's abandoning her. She's allowed to be jealous."

"Yeah, but she doesn't have to attack me for it." I moaned, reaching down and grabbing my wannabe assassin of a cat.

"She doesn't know any other way of getting your attention." She chuckled in my ear as Nix poked her head through the slight hole in between my arm and my side, looking at Bella warily.

"She bloody well does." I mumbled, scratching the back of her neck gently. She pulled her head back, settling it on my arm, resting her paw next to her chin, her eyes still on Bella as she spread out on my lap. "She's got her eye on you."

"She sure does." She smiled, holding out her hand to Nix.

"Careful." I warned her as Nix lifted her head up. "She's been really moody over the last couple of days. Emmett and Jasper really did a number on her with the whole banging on my door thing."

"Poor girl." She held out her hand, leaving it just far enough away so that Nix could sniff her fingers if she wanted to, but couldn't reach her should she decide to take a swipe. _Good thinking_. Nix slowly and cautiously sniffed Bella's fingers, letting out a soft meow as she did so. "What does that mean?" She asked and I shrugged, not having a clue.

I left Nix up to her own devices, sitting there thinking over what Bella and I had spoken about.

"Do you need to go to work?" She asked and I shook my head.

"No. I don't have any appointments for today, and Jake'll phone if something comes up. He knows that I need time at the moment."

"Does Jake …… know?" She asked and I shook my head again.

"No one knows but you." I looked her in the eye, trying to gauge her reaction to my words. "Please don't tell anyone."

"Of course not." She shook her head, smiling at me. "I wouldn't dream of it."

"Thank you."

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

I don't know how long we sat and talked for, chatting about nothing and everything at the same time. It was strange to be talking to her again. In some ways it was like it had been before everything had happened. The two of us, sitting in one of our living rooms, talking even though we had seen each other practically all day at school.

But in other ways it was completely different. We were learning about each other again. Re-learning, as it were. I found that not a lot had changed with her, other than she was now a qualified teacher. She was starting work at the high school a couple of streets away, but I recalled her telling me that when Alice was getting her tatt done. She was both nervous and excited for when she started in a couple of weeks time. She assured me that should she overhear anyone under the age of eighteen talking about getting a tattoo or piercing, to tell them that they wouldn't be welcome in the shop until their eighteenth birthday. Some of the excuses as to why they hadn't got I.D. with them made me laugh and I swear I heard Bella almost snort when I told her some of them.

It was carefree. Relaxed. A complete one eighty from the conversation we'd been having before.

"So……" She murmured, still chuckling slightly from the story I'd told her about some kid coming and saying that a dog or something had nicked his I.D. That one was one of my favourites to tell because it was so stupid. "Tell me. What do your tattoos mean?"

I looked up at her, not expecting that question at all. "What?" I blinked at her and she giggled again.

"They must mean something." She pressed and I smiled at her. "What do they mean?"

I sighed and held out my forearm, showing her the pixie sitting there, quite happily. "That one is obviously Alice." She nodded, before she motioned for me to take my shirt off. "Is this just a plan to get me to undress for you?" I asked, narrowing my eyes in mock suspicion.

"Damn!" She slapped her thigh, shaking her head. "I thought I was being so sly as well. Dammit."

"I'm on to you, Swan." I smiled at her and she giggled at me, shaking her head.

"You're just too smart for me, Cullen." She motioned for me to show her my ink again. "Come on, off with it."

I sighed, shaking my head before I placed a sleeping Nix on the floor, effectively waking her up and quickly pulled off my t-shirt. I heard her slight intake of breath as she took in the images on my back and I couldn't help but smirk. "See something you like?"

"Um," I could hear her gulp behind me and I wasn't able suppress the chuckle rising in my chest. "Just admiring the, um …… detail."

"If you say so." I chuckled again, turning slightly.

She put a hand on my shoulder, stopping me from turning before tracing her finger down my back. "What do they mean?"

"Well, the larger ones on my back represent the people that mean the most to me." I closed my eyes as I felt her put her hand lightly on my right shoulder. "That one, well, I'm guess you can guess who that one represents."

"Emmett?" She whispered and I nodded.

"The rose around its neck represents Rosalie." I told her and she hummed in response.

"This one's strange." She said, her finger running over where I knew the sword and rifle to be. "Is that meant to be anything."

"Who loves anything and everything about the Civil War?" I asked her rhetorically and she giggled in response. "Jasper. And if you notice, the pixie is in alignment."

"I _did_ notice that." She told me. "I'd never thought that the pixie and this one would represent Alice and Jasper. Well, the pixie _maybe_, seeing as it is an almost perfect rendition of her."

"Almost?" I asked in mock exasperation and she giggled again.

"Well, she's had her hair cut recently." I rolled my eyes, knowing that she wouldn't be able to see me. She might hit me if she saw. "So technically, it's not completely perfect."

"Well, I'm sorry I couldn't design a tattoo that changes hair length along with Alice's." I rolled my eyes again and she laughed again.

"So……" The tone of her voice made my close my eyes and bite my lip. She placed her hand on the heart that lay in direct alignment with my own. "Is this one …… me?"

"Yeah." I whispered, anticipating her reaction.

"What does it mean?" She asked, her gentle caress tracing over the lily.

"Well ...... the heart represents ... me and how I was when I left." I took a deep breath trying to work out how I was going to put that tattoo into words. "The lily ... is you ... You're the only one that ever had the ability to bring me back to life, Bella. That's what the red in the heart, coming down from the lily is. It's you bringing me back to life as you have done before. You always have had the ability to do that."

"Well," She wrapped her hands around my neck and pulled me down so that her chest was pressed to my back. "Hopefully I can do that again."

"Maybe." I mumbled in response.

"What about this one?" She asked, her fingers travelling over my side gently. I looked down to see that she was gently tracing the caduceus on my side, a delicate ring of daisies wrapping around it in different directions.

"My parents." I whispered, and she sighed gently. "The cadeceus because … well, my dad's a doctor, and the daisies because they're my mother's favourite flower. I wanted something that showed their unity."

"It's beautiful." I had to agree with her. "What about this one?" I felt her fingers brush over my right hip and I looked down, seeing the fragment of the poem she was talking about.

_The alien scene arrives on scene with Nature's solemn warning  
The chain of life put to the knife, no birdsong in the morning  
And as we toil with precious oil to make our own pollution  
Our suicide may well provide the ultimate solution…  
__***Full poem at bottom of chapter***_

"What's it mean?" She asked twisting so she could read it properly.

"About how the human race is killing itself by existing, and we're taking nature and the earth with us." I explained and she sighed, resting her head on top of mine.

I don't know how long we sat there, her gently holding me to her chest, revelling in the silence. Today had been one of the hardest days of my life, topped only by the night in question.

Telling Bella hadn't been as hard as I knew telling my family would be. They wouldn't be so understanding or willing to let me go at my own pace. I knew that Bella wanted some answers, which I knew that I would most probably give her. She always had a way of getting information out of me without even trying to. She had some hold over me back then, and she still had that same hold over me now.

It was something I knew I was never going to grow out of.

And I'm not sure I wanted to actually.

Suddenly there was a knocking on my door, jarring us out of the comfortable silence that we had been enveloped in. I sighed rolling my eyes. I moved away from Bella, standing up and pulling my shirt on at the same time.

I quickly hunted around for my She-Devil of a cat and found her asleep in her little elevated house thing. Satisfied that she was out of the way, I quickly made my way to the door hoping that it wasn't my family standing on the other side, What I got on the other side was a lot worse in my opinion.

"What are you doing here, Lauren?" I sighed, leaning against my door, indicating that she wasn't welcome.

"That's not a nice way to greet me, is it Eddie?" She stood there in front of me in all her processed plastic glory, batting her eyelashes at me, thinking that it was going to get her somewhere. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"And why would I do that?" I asked, crossing my arms and leaning against my doorframe.

"We both know that you want me to come inside." She lowered her voice, running a too long, fake nail down my chest, making me shiver with the fact that it was pure creepiness. She mistook the shiver for a good thing and smirked at me. "You see. We both know what you want."

She pushed my door open and made her way past me. "What is it with people coming into my apartment uninvited?" I mumbled to myself, leaving the door open, purely because Lauren would not be staying for more than a minute. If I hadn't had some semblence of the manners that my mother drilled into me when I was younger, then I would have physically stopped her from walking into my apartment.

As it turned out, I could be a gentleman when the time called for it.

Though my patience was wearing thin.

I walked into my apartment to find Lauren standing there staring at Bella, who had Nix sitting in her lap. Bloody cat. So fickle. I was glad that she had decided she liked Bella though. Made things easier.

"Eddie." Lauren turned and looked at me. "Who is this?" She looked as though her head would fly off, which being honest, would be incredibly funny to see.

"This is Bella." I sighed, shooting Bella and apologetic look. "And my name is Edward. Not Eddie."

"What is she doing here?" She sneered, looking at Bella, who looked as though she was about to explode due to the laughter she was holding in. In her defense, Lauren did look stupid, and she was an idiot.

"Lauren, it has nothing to do with you." I folded my arms, trying not to laugh at how she huffed and puffed in front of me.

"But… but…"

"But?" I raised my eyebrow, daring her to challenge me.

I looked between Lauren and Bella – who was now standing, a purring Nix in her arms – and noticed how very different they were.

Everything about Lauren was fake. From her hair to her nails. Her extensions were tacky and a completely different shade of blonde to her natural colour. She had obviously had work done on her nose, tits and probably her ass. Wouldn't surprise me. I knew for a fact that she only had the tatt on her back because she wanted me. Something she still didn't have and was never going to have. She was wearing clothes that were obviously designer and covered way too little flesh.

Everything about her screamed poser. Fake.

Then there was Bella. She was standing there in her baggy jeans and an _Enter Shikari_ t-shirt. _Good taste there._ She was the complete opposite to Lauren and I was thankful for that. Everything about her was natural. Her mahogany hair fell to almost her waist in the loose ponytail that it was up in, and I knew that there was a good chance it would fall past it once the ponytail was taken out. Her brown eyes were deep and bottomless, even without the aid of makeup.

She was truly beautiful.

"Aren't you going to ask her to leave?" Lauren demanded, standing there with her arms crossed, tapping her foot on the floor, irritating me.

"No." I shook my head, my arms still crossed in front of me. "She was here first, and being completely honest, Lauren, I don't want you here. Go away."

Her mouth fell open in a way that was purely comical. "I know you don't mean that, Eddie." I rolled my eyes at the use of the name I had told her I didn't want to be called, not more than a minute ago. In one ear and out the other with her isn't it? "I know you don't really want me to leave."

"What part of 'go away' don't you understand, Lauren?" I rolled my eyes at her stupidity and she huffed at me again.

She resigned herself to straightening herself up and storming out of my apartment, not before she had creeped me out by running a finger down my arm, and whispering that she'd be back when Bella was gone. If that was the case, I never wanted Bella to leave.

I closed the door behind her, pushing the deadbolt across and making sure the door was securely shut before I walked intot he living room, finding an amused Bella sitting there fussing over my cat.

"Mind explaining?" She asked, her voice mock hurting.

"There's nothing _to _explain." I flopped down on the chair, my legs dangling over the side and Nix immediately jumped off of Bella, and made her way over to me.

"Where did you find her?" She asked, watching me closely.

"She came in about six months ago, wanting a tatt, so I stuck a TS on her and she hasn't left me alone since." I sighed, shaking my head. "Seriously, it's getting to stalker status now."

"What's a TS?" She asked, looking confused.

"A tramp stamp." I clarified and she shook her head at me, clearly not understanding what that was. "The tattoo that some have at the bottom of their backs. It's called a tramp stamp." Her mouth made the cutest little 'oh' shape as she understood what I was talking about.

"So nothing's actually happened with her?" She asked, her face turning into a smile.

"Apart from the fact I've had her under my gun. And that's not metaphor." I added as she started giggling.

"I am so glad about that." She giggled, putting Nix down so that she could laugh without upsetting her.

"That's right." I sighed, folding my arms and leaning on the wall. "Laugh at my expense."

"Oh, I'm not laughing at _you_." She giggled. "I'm laughing at her and the situation."

"Uh-huh." I nodded, rolling my eyes.

"You know that I would never laugh at you." She giggled and I narrowed my eyes at her, not believing her for a second.

"Really?" She nodded as I scowled at her. "Well, that's a lie." I noted and she stopped laughing immediately, her face growing confused and aggravated at the same time.

Is it wrong of me to think that she was really cute that way?

No?

That's good then, isn't it?

"How do you work that out?" She asked, putting the cat down and mimicking my pose, crossing her arms over her chest. "I've never laughed at you."

"You would think so, wouldn't you?" I smirked at her, watching her brow furrow in confusion.

"When did I ever laugh at you?" She asked, her confusion clear in her tone.

"You're forgetting most of our childhood if you think that you didn't laugh at me." I raised my eyebrows at her and she immediately took on a defensive attitude.

"Hey, now!" She pointed a finger at me. "You can't expect me to apologise for those times, can you?" She asked and I chuckled lightly.

"I'm not asking you to apologise for them." I made my way over to her slowly, and I could see her eyes darting around, knowing what I was about to do. She was looking for an escape, hating that I was backing her into a corner. "But I am going to exact my revenge."

"Edward." She warned and I only chuckled, stepping towards her again. "Don't."

"Why?" I asked, sounding completely innocent. "What are you going to do to stop me?"

"I'll scream." She threatened and I laughed again. "I will."

"And?" I shrugged slightly and she gulped, knowing that she had nowhere to go. "Not like anyone's going to hear you."

Without any warning, I pounced at her and she shrieked, not prepared for it. I grabbed her around the waist, digging my fingers into her sides and wiggling them, holding her in place as she tried to wriggle free.

"Edward!" She squealed, hitting me as hard as she could from where she was in my arms, whilst laughing at the same time. Let's just say that the defense wasn't good on her part. I only laughed and tickled her harder.

She squealed and kicked out at me, managing to get a lucky hit in, catching me behind the knee. Whether or not it was actually 'lucky' or strategically planned – which knowing Bella wasn't likely – it worked and we landed in a tangled mess on the floor.

I threw my hand out, trying to catch onto something, to lessen the fall, but failed miserably and the two of us slammed onto the ground, laughing – even though I think I might suffer from a minor concussion later on or whatever – her on top of my, giggling like ….. well, Alice.

She looked down at me, still smiling and I couldn't help but grin back. It was just like we used to be. This had been normal for us, and even though I knew that I had wanted us to be more, and on some level, I still did, I knew that she didn't and I could live with that. At least I thought I could.

They next thing I knew, she had dipped her head down and her lips landed on mine lightly. Her lips were so soft and I couldn't help but want more. We stayed like that for a few minutes, our lips moving slowly in complete synchronicity. She flicked her tongue against my lips and I parted them, allowing her tongue to slip inside my mouth. I felt rather than heard her gasp when her tongue encountered the bar running through my tongue. I held in a smirk at her reaction. Hell, I had to thank Seth for convincing me to get that some of a bitch. It might have hurt like a motherfucker, but still, it was paying off now.

Suddenly her lips disappeared and I opened my eyes to see her looking down at me, a look of horror on her face. "Oh my god, Edward, I'm so sorry." She whispered, closing her eyes and scrambling off of me. "I should go."

"Why?" I asked her, getting to my feet after her, following her through

the apartment.

"Because I …… I'm sorry." She buried her head in her hands, shaking her head from side to side slowly, sounding as though she had committed the most heinous crime known to man.

"What for?" I asked, completely and utterly confused.

"Because, you told me what happened to you all those years ago, and here I am ……" She sighed and shook her head at me, her eyes wide and horrified at her actions, though I couldn't fathom why.

"I didn't exactly freak out and throw you off me, did I?" I asked her and she looked at me confused.

"I can't, Edward." She whispered before she put her shoes on and disappeared out the door.

_What the hell had just happened here?_ I thought, frustrated, running my hands through my hair. I followed her out to the hallway, but once I reached my door, she had disappeared. I couldn't wrap my mind around it.

One minute she's kissing me and the next she can't get out of here fast enough. What the hell was going on?

_'You told me what happened to you all those years ago…'_

I slouched against the wall, sliding down it and burying my head in my knees, my hands gripping at my hair. She was freaked out by what had happened to me. She couldn't handle it. I knew that I shouldn't have told her. I knew that this was something I should never have shared with anyone else. Let alone Bella.

Now I had lost her. Again. She was the only girl that I had ever had any kind of feelings for. Yes, there were fucks here and there … well, every time I went out but I never felt anything for any of them. They were meaningless to me. None of them were particularly memorable.

But Bella.

I remembered everything about her.

I remembered the way her hair always smelled of her favourite strawberry shampoo and how she always cut a banana into slices before eating it, complaining that it was just creepy if she didn't. I remembered the way she would bite the right side of her lip if she was nervous about something and the left side if she was working something out. I remembered the way she twirled her thumb around her index finger when she was watching a movie and how she always kept to the right of the stairs when going up or down.

I remembered each and every one of her little quirks.

And now, I had ruined what I had with her because I'd opened my big, fucking useless, dirtbag mouth. If I had kept my mouth shut hen she would still be here.

Of course she didn't want to be anywhere near me anymore. I was damaged goods. I was tainted. I had been since that night in Port Angeles. I had told myself that I wouldn't let those bastards ruin my life anymore. But they were. I didn't matter where I was or who I was with, what they had done to me still hung over my head, marked on my side for the rest of my life.

I couldn't escape what they'd done to me. I never would.

I was a freak.

And now Bella knew it.

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

"Hey, dude." Seth waved his hand in front of my face, laughing as I smacked it away, muttering at him to 'fuck the hell off', or something to that effect.

It had been a week since Bella had run out of my apartment, and I hadn't heard a single thing from any of them. Not even Alice or my parents, which I thought was weird, because I had been under the impression that they actually _wanted_ to see me. I couldn't understand why though. I had fucked them over all those years ago, why should they still care?

I cringed internally at my choice of words, realising too late that they did, in fact, hit closer to home than I wanted them to.

"What the hell has gotten into you lately, dude?" Seth asked as he packed up his station. It was nearly closing, only about ten minutes left to go and Seth and I were the only ones here. Jake's girlfriend, Mae, hadn't been feeling too well over the last couple of days, so he had taken today off to look after her.

"Nothing." I mumbled, walking into my back room and sitting in the chair at my station. "Just got some stuff on my mind."

"Wanna talk about it?" Seth asked, turning one of the chairs I had at the small desk around and straddling it, crossing his arms over the back and resting his chin on them.

"What are you? My own personal shrink?" I joked half-heartedly. He could tell that I wasn't as into it as I normally was. He could tell that there was something wrong.

"Nope." He grinned at me. "Just a good friend."

"I appreciate it, Seth, but……" I trailed off, not wanting to do this now, or ever in fact.

"I get it." He nodded, sitting back slightly. "Personal shit." I nodded and he looked at me in understanding. Seth had been through a lot in his childhood. It made my problems look like a cake-walk. What with an alcoholic father and a crack-addict mother, being taken from them at age twelve and being shipped from foster home to foster home time and time again before he finally turned eighteen and was chucked out on his own. The only thing that hadn't happened to him, was what had happened to me. And I was fucking grateful for that. No one should have to suffer the humiliation that I did.

"Pretty much." I mumbled, looking up as the door chimed, indicating that someone had entered the shop.

"I'll get rid of 'em till tomorrow." He grinned at me and I nodded, watching him leave the room.

I heard him telling whoever it was that we were closing and unable to do anything at the moment and to come back tomorrow. My head shot up when I heard the familiar tones of my brother travelling through the air from the front of the shop.

"Seth." I called, making my way out to the front of the shop, seeing that I was right and saw Emmett standing there talking with Seth. He was surprisingly calm, and I wondered what the hell was going on. Even though his face had a neutral expression, his eyes were murderous and I wondered what the fuck I'd done wrong now. I just seemed to be accumulating a long list. "It's okay. Go home, I'll finish up here."

"Are you sure?" He asked, his gaze flicking from me to Emmett. I nodded and he slowly made his way to the back before he grabbed his bag and his jacket. "See you tomorrow, Ed."

I nodded in response, waiting for him to walk out the door and disappear past the window before I faced Emmett again. "What do you want?"

"I want to know what the fuck you did." He practically growled at me.

"What do you mean 'what the fuck I did'?" I asked, letting go of the calm façade that I had in place for Seth's benefit.

"To Bella."

"I did fuck all to Bella." I replied, gritting my teeth.

"Then would you care to explain why she has been moping around for the last week, after going to see you at your apartment?" He asked, crossing his arms, raising his eyebrows.

"Bella asked me some questions and obviously didn't like the answers." I told him honestly. It _was_ true after all. She had bolted for those reasons. She couldn't handle the fact that I was raped before I left Forks. She couldn't bear to be in the same room as someone that had been tainted in that way. Could I blame her? No. I couldn't. I would probably be the same way.

"What the fuck did you tell her?"

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. "I told her why I left Forks. She obviously didn't like the answer."

"Why _did_ you leave then, Edward?" He asked, his curiosity peaked. "Come on, tell me."

"No." I whispered and he chuckled darkly.

"So you can tell Bella, but you can't tell your own flesh and blood." He asked the rhetorical question with something I couldn't place present in his tone. "Why is that?"

"Because I thought that Bella wouldn't be judgemental." I admitted, my eyes meeting his for the first time. "I thought that she would be able to understand even a little bit, but as it turns out …… I was wrong." It hurt to admit that, even to myself, but it was true. I had been wrong about Bella. I had been wrong the whole time. I had thought – or rather, hoped – that she would be able to see past the rape and see me for who I was. But as it turned out, I was wrong.

Just like I was always fucking wrong.

"Why do you think that we would judge you?" He asked, his tone softer than it had been since I had seen him again. "You're our brother-"

"And that's exactly why you would." I interrupted him. "I couldn't, and still can't, tell you because of the fact that you _will_ be judgemental. All of you. No matter how hard you try not to be. It's inevitable."

"So why did you think that Bella was any different?" He asked, and I shrugged, shaking my head.

"I don't know." I whispered, closing my eyes. "I guess, I thought that …… there was still something of that old friendship there." I sighed heavily, flopping down on one of the leather sofas that we had in the front of the shop. "I guess, like I am about everything else …… I was wrong."

I looked down at the ground, feeling a wet drop hit my hand, which was laced with the other in front of me, my elbows resting on my knees.

"Hey." Emmett whispered, sitting down next to me. "I'm sorry." He sighed wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "I know I've been a bit …… I don't know …… ogre-ish, since we first saw you in that bar-"

"A bit?" I snorted and he chuckled.

"Touché." He replied and I sighed gently. "But it's only because I've been worried shitless for the last ten years, not knowing if my baby brother was alright. Not knowing if you were living the high life, if you were married, if I was an uncle, or even if you were lying in the hospital or a ditch somewhere. Hell, we didn't know if you were even alive, Edward. There wasn't a day where I didn't wonder where the hell you were." I couldn't look at him, knowing that I'd hurt him in this way. I should have known that Emmett wouldn't be as untouched by my disappearance as I thought he was. Even under all the muscle, he was as soft as anything. "And then, I guess, seeing you here, after all this time, it kind of …… sparked something in me. That first night, I was torn. Part of me wanted to pummel you into the ground for leaving like you had and the other half of me wanted nothing more than to throw my arms around you and shout at the top of my lungs that I had found my baby brother."

"So you listened to the first half." I stated and I felt him nod beside me. "You always were a 'fists first, talk later', kind of guy."

"I know." He sighed, gripping my shoulder tighter. I wanted to tell him that there was a bear representing him right underneath where his hand was, but now didn't seem like the appropriate time to bring that up. "I'm sorry about that."

"You nearly ripped out my lip ring." I moaned and he chuckled slightly. A sound I missed hearing.

"I said I was sorry." He whined, just like he used to do when he was little. "In all seriousness, Edward. What happened to make you change? What happened to make you _leave_?"

"Emmett." I whispered, hearing the hoarseness there. "I …… I can't tell you." I shook my head and he sighed. "I want to tell you. You have no idea how much, but I just …… can't. It's too hard."

"Alright." He squeezed my shoulders again and I couldn't help but wonder where all of this had come from. Last week he had been ready to beat me into a bloody pulp and now he was sitting here in my shop, his arm around me being all comforting and understanding. I swear I will never understand my brother. "So…… Bella tells me you have a tatt that's … me."

I looked at him and saw that he had a smirk on his face and an eyebrow raised. I couldn't help but chuckle at him. "Yeah, I do." I confirmed and he grinned at me.

"Can I see?" He asked and I nodded, turning around and stripping off my shirt, indicating which one was him. He seemed pleased, which was good and I couldn't help but hope that everything would be okay. They wouldn't let the topic of why I had left go, but something in me hoped that I would be able to work up the courage to tell them what had happened. And that they wouldn't abandon me again.

But did I deserve to hope?

**_The Final Solution_**

_In frozen rows our embryos await their animation,  
Such orphans may, one sorry day, perpetuate our nation.  
No matter that those so begat will never know their mothers,  
And young maids grown will soon be shown to marry with their brothers._

_From more alarming human farming, multi-birth disasters,  
Bred for their parts, pigs lose their hearts to save their ailing masters.  
While cancer finds so many kinds of unforgiving ills,  
Still farmers keep Chernobyl sheep on panoramic hills._

_Did God surmise what might arise from man's ill-fated birth?  
Our tears too late, we contemplate the agony of earth.  
As we increase to sit obesely worshipping the screen,  
We seek to feed our hungry breed whatever that might mean._

_Frenetic hens fill tiny pens, while calves forlorn and friendless,  
__Await their fate in meagre crate, the cruelty is endless.  
Each boat that sets gigantic nets makes oceans feel the strain,  
It is, we learn, quite wrong to turn a forest into plain._

_Metallic trees torment the breeze to satisfy our needs,  
And roads that scar are cut too far - now see how Beauty bleeds.  
Where nitrate creeps and Nature weeps her poisons to the shore,  
Not I think just a blink in the eye of time but an ever-running sore._

_The aliene gene arrives on scene with Nature's solemn warning,  
The chain of life put to the knife, no birdsong in the morning.  
And as we toil with precious oil to make our own pollution,  
Our suicide may well provide the ultimate solution..._

**_Love? Hate?_**

**_Let me know._**


	8. I Know I'm Not Socially Acceptable

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I do, however own enough books to open up my own library. Or so my friends say.**

_**I'm really sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I hope this chapter's up to scratch. If not you can all kick my arse for the lateness and for the suckiness. I'm not one hundred percent happy with it, so I may be making changes to it at a later date.**_

_We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,  
We are choosing to be here right now. hold on, stay inside...  
This holy reality, this holy experience. choosing to be here in..._

_This body. this body holding me. be my reminder here that I am not alone in  
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion._

_Alive_

_This holy reality, in this holy experience. choosing to be here in..._

_This body. this body holding me. be my reminder here that I am not alone in  
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion...  
Of what it means to be alive_

_Swirling round with this familiar parable.  
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.  
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this  
Chance to be alive and breathing  
Chance to be alive and breathing._

_This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.  
Embrace this moment. remember. we are eternal.  
All this pain is an illusion._

'_Parabola' – Tool_

_***~* Bella *~***_

How could I have been so stupid?!

I knew that I shouldn't have run out of there, even as I was doing it. God knows how that made him feel.

But I felt so disgusted at myself for what I had done.

He had opened himself up, bared his soul to me and I had manhandled him as though nothing was wrong. Well, manhandled might not have been the right word, but still, you get the picture. How could I explain that I felt wrong for doing that? He said that he didn't freak out and throw me off him, but I knew Edward. Or at least I thought I did. He wouldn't have said anything even if he _was_ feeling that way. He was always considerate of other people's feelings. He had always put others before himself.

Well, before he changed, he had anyway.

But now …… now I knew what had caused that change, and I could see why he did.

The others still blamed him. They still thought that he was childish, selfish and immature to have acted the way he did, but I'm surprised that he didn't lash out more than he did. If that had happened to me, then I know that I would have done.

Well, not really. You can't really know what you'd do unless you're in that type of situation.

But my heart bled for him.

He had told me that I was the portion of his heart that was still alive and beating. It crushed me when he said that because that meant that he had closed off the rest of his heart – of him_self_ – that made my own heart ache. No matter what happened to him, he shouldn't be made to feel the way he has.

No one should be made to feel that way.

I knew that I had been moping about for the last week, even though I had been extremely busy getting things ready for when I started work. The others had noticed and they had not been happy about it. I couldn't tell them that it wasn't Edward's fault that I was being this way. That it was my fault. I was the one that deserved their anger.

But of course, I couldn't tell them that, could I?

They'd want to know _why_ I felt that way and I couldn't do that to Edward. He'd trusted me with that information and I wouldn't be divulging it to anyone. Not even Alice and her pleading looks, Emmett and his moody attitude or his parents with their attempts at guilt tripping. I knew that they knew I knew something – that made sense right? _Great, now I'm talking to myself again_ – but they didn't know what. They also knew that it had to be important due to how I'd been for the whole week.

"Bells, it's gonna be fine." Jasper tried placating me for the hundredth time since Emmett had left to go and 'find out what the hell happened'. He knew that he wasn't going to get anywhere with me, so he was going to try to get something out of Edward instead. That would be like trying to extract water from a six foot thick steel wall.

Impossible.

Emmett didn't realise that for all his bravado and confidence act, Edward was extremely vulnerable and fragile. I was the only one that had seen that side of him, and I knew that he wouldn't be as willing to expose it to Emmett as he had done to me.

I bet he's regretting doing that now. He probably thinks that I'm a stupid, selfish bitch that he shouldn't have wasted his time on. He probably thinks that I should just go back to Washington where I belong. He's right of course. I probably _should_ leave. Leave him in peace.

He deserves that much.

I looked at the clock again and sighed in frustration, biting down on my thumb nail as I paced the front room of my apartment. Everyone – except Emmett – was there. And they were all watching me. Expectant.

"Bella." Esme said softly as I glanced over at her. "What's the matter, dear? I know that Emmett is angry at Edward for leaving. I mean, to a certain degree we all are, but …… something tells me you know …… more." I glanced at her again, not responding to her comment in any other way. "You know why he left, don't you?"

I still didn't answer. If they knew that I knew, they would pester me nonstop, not letting up until I gave them something. Even if it wasn't my story to tell. I wouldn't be telling them anything. It's not up to me to tell them anything.

"Bella." This came from Rosalie who had pushed herself upright where she was sitting on the couch next to Alice and Jasper who had almost reconciled. He was still in the dog-house for his outburst about Edward's workplace earlier this week, but Alice's resolve was wavering. She would be forgiving him completely any day now. "Do you know?"

"You do!" Alice leapt off of the couch and stood in front of me, effectively cutting off my pacing route. "You have to tell us, Bella!"

"No." I replied simply, shaking my head, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Bella." She pleaded with me, her eyes going wide. "Please. This is my brother and-"

"And he trusted me." I cut her off, looking at the others. "He trusted me with this information and I made him a promise. Now, if he wants you to know, then _he_ will tell you, but it's not up to me."

"Bella." Carlisle's voice was soft and calming. "We just want to know that it's nothing _too_ serious. You know how Edward is – or at least, _was_ – prone to overreactions. We just want to know whether it's something that he was overreacting to. Anything." _Sorry Carlisle. It was most definitely _not_ an overreaction._

"I can't tell you anything." I shook my head as I sat down in the armchair that Emmett had vacated, looking around at the people gathered in front of me. "It's not my place to tell."

"We just need to know-" I hated cutting Esme off, but it had to be done.

"Then you're going to have to wait for him to open up." I said, not too harshly, but getting my point across. "_If_ he decides to open up that is." I sat back in the chair. "I promised him that I wouldn't say anything and that's the way it's going to stay."

"All right." Carlisle nods, grasping his wife's hand gently. "All right, Bella. We understand."

"I wish he'd open up to us, though." Esme whispered softly. "Maybe if he'd told us in the first place then this wouldn't have happened."

I had to fight to hold back the slight snort that threatened to escape at that statement. _If only they knew._

Just then Emmett walked through the door, a troubled expression on his face. Everyone looked at him as he made his way through the apartment. I had left the door unlocked purposefully _because_ I knew that he would be back at some point.

The looks on the faces of the six people sitting in the apartment waiting for him were different. Five of them were expectant, hoping that he would bring some form of information with him. Mine, on the other hand, I knew wasn't. I knew that I looked nervous, hoping that if Edward had told Emmett what had happened, that he wouldn't say anything to the others.

"What happened?" Rosalie asked, moving to make space for him on the sofa. "Did he tell you anything?"

"No." Emmett whispered and I physically relaxed. That means that there wasn't a chance that he could be coerced into telling Rose something, or guilt-tripped by Alice or his parents. No offence to Emmett, but he was nothing to wear down compared to Edward or myself. We were the stubborn ones in the group and no one disputed that face.

"Then what's the matter?" Jasper asked, his voice calming and soft. He had the power to diffuse any situation. It was incredible how with just one touch, it seemed that he had the power to calm even the most volatile of rages. I'd seen him do it. "What happened, Emmett?"

"I don't know." He shook his head as he rested his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands in front of his face and touching his hands to his lips gently. "I don't know." His eyes were dark and he knew that something bad had happened to him. "It's something big, though. And something painful. I asked him about it when I was with him and you should have seen the look on his face. It was like all the strength in him just disappeared. He said that he wants to tell us what happened, but he can't."

"Why not?" Rose asked, something more in her voice. Something that sounded a lot like frustration. Emmett placed a hand on her knee, shaking his head. He could hear it too.

"He said it's too painful to talk about. And before you say anything, I know that he told Bella. He told me." Emmett looked at me, his eyes telling me that he wished he knew. He wished he could help. For all his tough-guy image and anger when it came to Edward and his decision to leave, he was still his baby brother and his desire to protect him was strong. "Whatever it was ……… I don't think it was his fault." He sighed, looking at the others. "I don't blame him anymore. And I don't think you guys should either."

"Are you forgetting about the fact that he just left, Emmett?" I turned to look at him and saw that in his ice blue eyes there were traces of anger and sorrow, hurt and confusion. I knew that he wanted nothing more than to find his son, find out what happened to him and then comfort him for however long it was needed.

"I don't think that was his fault." Emmett defended his brother again. "I think he felt backed into a corner. By me. It was because of me that he left. If I hadn't pushed at him and spoken to him the way I had, he might not have left."

"We don't know that, Emmett." I told him. Of course, I knew that no matter how anyone had behaved after what had happened to Edward – the attack, the ………… rape – he would have left. The towns and scenery tortured and tormented him, reminding him of that night. He told me as much before that Lauren girl showed up at his apartment.

"I do, though, Bells." He looked at me and sighed. "I think you need to talk to him. When you left last week, he didn't take it so well. He thinks that you hate him."

"I could never-" I started but he cut me off, holding up a hand.

"I know. I know that. But he's thinking that you hate him because of whatever it is that he told you." He smiled at me slightly. "Go and talk to him."

I nodded, standing up and making my way over to the front door. I slipped on my shoes before grabbing my bag. "Is he at the shop still?"

"They were just closing up as I saw him." He told me, running one hand through his thick dark brown curls in a very Edward-looking move. "He's probably at his apartment by now." I nodded and turned around, grabbing my jacket, sliding it on before I made my way to the door. "And Bells!" I turned to face him and saw that he was smiling. "You were right. His tattoos are incredible."

"Told you so." I smirked and the others looked at him, confused.

I made my way down the hallway, leaping into the first elevator that appeared after I pressed the button, pushing the button for the lobby more than I needed to, hoping in vain that it would make the stupid pulley-system travel faster. It didn't obviously.

I didn't bother with my car, knowing that it would take me longer to get it out of the underground parking lot of my building than it would to walk round to Edward's at the pace I was travelling at. I kept my hand in my pocket, wrapped around the can of pepper gel in my pocket. A lot more effective than the standard pepper _spray._ Having a dad for a cop has made me extra cautious. Not that that's a bad thing. I just keep it in my pocket, just in case.

I made it to Edward's building and pushed on the revolving door that led through to the lobby. I gave the woman sitting at the counter a small smile and she gave me a warm smile back. She was pretty. Her hair was a dark brown and her eyes were almost black. I could see her name tag from where I was sitting. _Renata_. A pretty name. An original name too.

I walked over to the elevators and pressed the button, anxious to get up to Edward's apartment. I nearly trampled an elderly couple as they made their way out of the elevator. The both looked back at me, disgruntled and I held my hands up in a sign of surrender, mouthing 'sorry' at them. The man just scowled and turned away from me but the woman gave me a knowing smirk. She knew that I was on my way up to see a member of the male of the species. How she knew that I don't know. She just seemed to. _That_ is why I find old people creepy.

As soon as the doors opened to Edward's floor, I practically sprinted down the hallway, skidding to a stop outside his apartment. I raised my hand and knocked frantically on the door, knowing that he was most likely still up considering the time that Emmett would have left the shop, taking into account that Edward would have had to close up the shop _and_ get home.

_At least, I _hope_ he's still up._ I thought, slightly worried.

It turned out that my worry was unfounded as I heard him approaching the door from the other side, clearly moving something out of the way. Something told me it was the cat.

The door opened and he stood there, looking slightly shocked to see her standing there in front of him. "What are you doing here?" His tone was not unfriendly, merely curious. "Shit!"

I looked down as I saw something silver rush past me. The two of us chased it down the hall, cornering Nix as she tried to make a break for it. Edward had her backed up into a corner as she sat there and meowed at him. I stood in front of the exit to the stairs, ready to catch her if she somehow managed to get past Edward.

He quickly reached down and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck, which caused her face to contort into a pretty funny expression. I couldn't help but giggle as he settled her down in his arm, releasing her neck, but keeping a firm grasp on her.

"Damn thing." He mumbled, running his hand down the length of her body. "She's been twitchy for the last couple of days."

"Something wrong with her?" I asked, as we walked back up to his apartment and he shrugged.

"I don't know." He opened the door and looked at me, confusion and anxiety flitting across his face, something unreadable in his eyes. "Did you want to come in?" He asked, his voice a gentle whisper and I nodded, picking up my bag from where I'd dropped it during the attempted jailbreak.

I followed him into the apartment, hearing the door click closed and the scrabbling of tiny claws on the hardwood floor as he put Nix down. She ran straight to her food bowl and started meowing up at him when she found it empty. He sighed and I turned to see him rolling his eyes as he grabbed a bag of young cat food out of one of the lower cupboards in the kitchen, pouring a small amount in her bowl. She was munching it up even before he'd finished pouring it.

"Excitement made her hungry." I noted and he nodded, standing upright again.

"That's the second time this week she's made a break for it." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "The amusing thing was the first time she decided to run, she ran out, down to the end of the corridor and made her way back up again. I found her sitting outside my door."

"Smart thing." I smiled, thankful that it wasn't as tense as I had been expecting it to be. "She loves you too much to really run for it."

"You'd think so, huh." He sighed again, looking up at me, pain evident in his eyes. "What are you doing here Bella?"

I took a deep breath, biting my bottom lip for a second before answering. "I came to apologise …… for running out last week. I just-"

"It's okay." He cut me off, his hands falling lifelessly by his side. He walked past me, into the living room and I followed him cautiously, sitting down on the opposite end of the sofa to him. He didn't need me to crowd him. "I understand why you did." His voice was pained and it was clear that he was suffering from some form of depression. My guess was that he had been for many years now.

"You do?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at him. He couldn't really think that about me, could he? I mean, I was ready for him to, I had geared myself up for him to think that of me, even expected him to but actually hearing him saying it …… it made my chest feel tight, making me feel like I couldn't breathe.

"Yeah." He whispered, nodding his head. It appeared that his hands had become very interesting in the last minute or so. "I told you what happened to me, and …… you freaked. I wasn't expecting anything less. I'm actually surprised you stuck around that long-"

"Hold up!" I put my hand up, effectively stopping him. "You think I left because I couldn't handle what happened to you?"

"It's okay, Bella." He shook his head slowly at me, shrugging slightly. "Really." He took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly. "It's something I expected. Not many people _do_ know how to handle the news that someone they know has been …………… raped …" It seemed physically hard for him to get that word out. It looked like it caused him actual pain to say it, and the memories it must bring up… I didn't want to think about it. "Honestly, your reaction is normal. Understated even."

"Edward." I shuffled closer to him, placing a hand on his. "That's not why I left. I don't care that you were raped … well, _obviously_ I _care_, but ……" I sighed, shaking my head. "This isn't coming out the way that I wanted it to. What I'm trying to say is that, it doesn't matter to me. It doesn't change who you are. And that's not why I left."

"Then why?" He asked, his voice merely a pained whisper.

"Because…… when we kissed, all I could think was that you had opened yourself to me. You had bared your soul, your past and it felt like I was taking advantage of you. I know that in reality I wasn't." I cut him off as he opened his mouth to argue with me. "And that you could have hefted me off you as soon as you wanted to, but …… in my mind, that's what it felt like. It felt like, you were vulnerable and I was taking advantage of you."

"You weren't, Bella." He said softly, looking up at me. "That ……… Did you just actually use the word 'hefted'?" He asked completely changing the subject and causing me to smile a little.

"Yes, I did." I replied, indignantly. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"None at all." He smiled at me, his beautiful eyes a deep shade of jade rather than their usual emerald. "When you left … I felt … rejected but this was worse than anything I had ever felt before. It felt like you'd not really seen what had happened to me before and then something clicked in your mind and you saw that you couldn't be around me anymore. It made me feel dirty. Something I haven't felt in a long time."

"I never wanted you to feel that way, Edward." I shifted closer to him again. "I guess when I left last week, I didn't realise that it would make you think that and I'm so sorry, Edward. Can you forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive." He whispered, his eyes glistening slightly with the level of the emotions running through him. "There never was. I was just …… so afraid that I'd lost you again. That you'd seen how worthless I really am and-"

I pressed my lips to his quickly, effectively shutting him up. His lips were frozen against mine for a second before he responded. I felt him relax against me as I trailed my hand up his neck and into his hair, gently tugging. He moaned and I flicked my tongue against his lips, which parted instantly, allowing me access into the delicious caverns of his mouth. His tongue caressed mine gently and I jumped a little at the feel of the tiny steel balls on either side of his tongue. I'd known they were there from the last time, but it didn't stop my reaction.

He chuckled slightly and I pulled away, scowling at him. "Are you laughing at me?" I asked, mock anger in my voice and he grinned at me.

"Maybe." He shrugged as his hands wrapped around my waist.

"Well …… well ……" I looked away from him, finding a spot on the wall that piqued my interest. "I actually have nothing to say about that."

"Well, isn't that a good thing, then?" He smiled at me, pulling me to him and resting his head on my shoulder, sighing gently.

I looked down at him and saw that vulnerable boy that I'd seen the last time I was here. He closed his eyes and I gently brushed a few loose strands of hair back from his face. He looked so innocent and vulnerable and it broke my heart over and over again when I thought of what had happened to him. He was so beautiful. He didn't deserve to have what had happened to him happen to him. Not that anyone else deserves it, but you know what I mean.

We sat like that for a little while. Him with the head on my shoulder, his arms wrapped around my waist as I gently ran my fingers through his hair. His eyes would open and close slowly every so often and that simple action reminded me of when he was younger. It was an action that he would involuntarily come out with when he was tired. When that happened, Esme would always scoop him up and tuck him into bed. Before he got old enough to put himself to bed that is.

In many ways, he still _is_ that vulnerable little boy who needs his mother.

But then again, he'd needed them and they weren't there for him. He must have felt so alone.

But I would be there for him when he needed me now. I wasn't going to abandon him when he needed comfort. I couldn't do that to him.

_***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***_

I must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing I knew, it was daylight outside when I could have sworn that it was the middle of the night. I turned over and realised that I was lying on the most enormous bed I had ever seen. It was even bigger than the one Alice had at the Cullens back in Forks.

My first thought was '_Where the hell am I?'_ and then I realised that I had been at Edward's last night. Had I fallen asleep at Edward's place last night?

I looked around the room to see that the décor in the room was definitely masculine. The entire room was set out in different tones of gold, ranging from a deep gold carpet on the floor, to the lighter shade of the curtains and comforter that lay haphazardly on his bed. A result, no doubt of my fidgeting as I slept. The furniture in the room was deep coloured mahogany, beautiful and completely in style with the room.

I sat up and realised that I wasn't wearing what I had been yesterday. I was now dressed in a baggy t-shirt and sweats. I felt the blush rise up my cheeks when I realised that Edward must have changed me. I noticed – thankfully – that I was still wearing the bra and cami that I had worn under my t-shirt and that my girl boxers – which ironically were labelled 'I love boys pants' – underneath the sweats. They covered up the majority of everything so I wasn't too worried about Edward seeing things I really didn't think he should be seeing.

I slowly climbed out of bed, crawling to the edge and sliding off of it – where he managed to get a bed this size and how he managed to pay for it eluded me at that time in the morning – gently padding my way across the room and opening the door.

_Please have coffee_. I prayed in my head as I carefully made my way down the hallway into the main living area of the apartment. I looked out into the living room, noticing that there was a folded up duvet and a couple of pillows on the largest sofa, a sleeping Nix settled on the top, precariously balanced if you ask me.

But no Edward.

I looked around and he emerged from the tiny portion of the kitchen that was hidden behind a cupboard – ironically the one that Nix had gotten herself stuck down – and smiled at me.

"Sleep well?" He asked, moving over to the counter were a pot of coffee sat waiting to be poured.

"Yeah, thank you." I replied quietly, blushing again. "You didn't have to give me your bed, you know."

"Wouldn't have been right for me to have the bed while you slept on the sofa." He turned and faced me, handing me a large cup of coffee before leaning back on the counter and picking one up himself.

"Still, it's your bed." I urged and he shook his head, smiling as he did so.

"Bella, I might not be the best person to be around most of the time, but I do know the basics of common courtesy when you have a guest." He smiled at me and I sighed, knowing that I wasn't going to win this fight.

"Well, thank you." I conceded, nodding, taking a sip of coffee. "Do you have to go into work today?"

"Not until later." He sighed, running a finger over the rim of his mug. "Could you let Alice know that she needs to make an appointment to get hers filled in. I um, I don't have her number."

"I could give it to you, if you want." I offered and he smiled at me.

"Thanks." He seemed genuinely happy that I'd offered. I knew that he'd missed Alice and Alice had missed him. Hell, they did share a womb at one point so they were pretty close.

"She's really missed you, you know?" I said softly and he nodded, looking down at the floor, watching Nix as she wound her way around his ankles, purring softly.

"I've missed her, too." He whispered back and I could hear the sadness and longing in his voice. "She was the second hardest person to leave behind."

_Wait! _Second_ hardest?!_ "Who was the hardest?" I asked, completely and utterly confused.

"You." He whispered, looking me in the eye.

I didn't have an answer for him. Not a verbal one anyway. I walked over to him, placing my mug on the counter behind him and placing my hands on either side of his face. I gently pulled his lips down to meet mine, taking one of the barbells that ran through his bottom lip in my own, eliciting a small moan from him.

I held him there for a few more moments before I broke the kiss, hoping that it would convey the message I wanted it to. It appeared to have the desired effect because he stood there, a goofy smile on his face. A smile I know matched mine.

"Would it be okay if I um, if I came into your work with you today?" I asked, feeling the blush rising up my cheeks.

"Are you serious?" He asked, a joking tone to his voice. I looked up at him and nodded. "Well, um, if you're sure you want to."

I smiled at him and he grinned back, a part of him obviously happy that I wanted to spend some time with him. "I want to see how you do it."

"How I ink people?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. I nodded enthusiastically and he chuckled slightly. "All right then."

"What time do you have to be in?" I asked him, reaching down and stroking Nix gently. She leaned into my hand, purring as she did so. I could swear that I saw a smile on her face as she looked up at me, but then again, that might have been wishful thinking on my part.

"Ten." He replied, finishing his coffee and placing his mug into the dishwasher. "You finished?" He asked, indicating my mug.

"Not a chance." I replied, quickly whipping my mug of caffeinated goodness away from where he stood next to the counter.

"Bit of a stupid question, huh?" He chuckled and I nodded, gulping down the bitter nectar. Love it! "Um … your clothes are folded on the chair by the window in my room. I hope you don't mind that I changed you last night. It's just …… I didn't think you'd be too happy about sleeping in jeans."

I could see the colour rising in his cheeks and I laughed slightly, lifting his head and gazing into his beautiful eyes that seemed a touch lighter than they had the night before. Turning back to their gorgeous emerald colour. _So beautiful._ I thought, gazing over his features.

"What?" He asked, slightly confused and I blinked, confused.

"Huh?" Was my ever so eloquent answer.

"What's 'so beautiful'?" He asked and I felt my cheeks flame, realising that I had spoken out loud.

"Um…… you." I whispered and he chuckled, lifting my head as I had just done to him.

"I'm pretty sure that handsome is the preferred term used for men." He chuckled wrapping his arms around me and I looked up at him, shaking my head.

"Handsome is too …… _plain_. No… _beautiful_." I whispered the word, tracing my fingers over his brow and down his cheek, taking in as much detail as I possibly could. "That's the only word I can think of to describe you."

"All right." He conceded, giving me one last squeeze before releasing me. "As long as you don't call me that in front of anyone I know, then I'm good."

"What about Emmett?" I asked, biting my lip.

"Um … I _know_ him, don't I, Bella?" He raised his eyebrows and I scowled, knowing that he had me beat. "And he's probably the _worst_ person you could call me that in front of."

"Dammit." I grumbled and he chuckled, darting into his room and grabbing some things before heading into the bathroom to get dressed.

I made my way into his room, taking the time to admire the fine details that were interwoven into the dresser and chest of drawers that resided in his room. I noticed that the chair in the corner under the window – the one holding my clothes – was made of the same wood and had the same designs on them.

As I pulled on my clothes, setting the clothes that he had put on me back on the bed, I noticed a couple of pictures on his bedside table.

One was a picture of the six of us. We were all sixteen, and it was just before the summer everything changed. It was taken about a week or so before I went away, approximately two weeks before Edward was attacked. We were all so innocent and carefree. To us then, it was nothing more than another summer that would fly by too quickly.

The second picture was taken on the same day. We had all gone down to La Push beach and Alice and Rosalie had been busy snapping pictures of everyone whenever they could. The one that Edward had also resided on my bedside table. No matter how mad or upset I had been at him when he left, no matter how much those feelings for him grew, I couldn't bring myself to throw it out. It meant too much to me.

Edward was standing waist high in the ocean – what with it being a relatively and rare warm day on the Olympic Peninsula – holding me bridal style, an enormous grin spread across his face. The intent and the threat of dropping me in the water was clear in his face, but I had my hands looped around his neck, my head thrown back in laughter, with my long brown hair gently resting on the surface of the water.

That day had been so carefree and innocent.

How quickly it all changed.

"Hey." I heard him call from the doorway. I looked over at him, smiling gently as I saw him leaning against the doorframe.

"You still have it." I whispered, looking back down at the still life of the teenagers in the frame in front of me. Frozen in that time, in that place of fun and carefree games and idle threats of getting wet.

"Of course I still have it." He said softly, walking over to where I was sitting on the bed. He took the photo from my grasp, sighing gently as he looked down at it. "I couldn't leave these two. They're the only time of that year that I remember being happy."

"I'm sorry, Edward." I whispered and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, holding me to him.

"You have nothing to apologise for." He whispered back, pressing a kiss to my hair.

"I feel like I do." I muttered, taking the Kleenex that he offered me, wiping at the tears that were falling down my face, and wiping my nose, because that could just get embarrassing.

"Well," he placed the picture back on the table and stood up, holding out his hand for me to take. "Why don't we stop by your apartment so you can get changed and shit, then you can come for a fun filled day at Casa de Ink known by lesser beings as _New Moon Tattoos._"

I couldn't help but giggle at him as I pulled on my shoes. I followed him out of the apartment, after we made sure that Nix was still safely locked inside. Apparently, she had been jumpy ever since Emmett had come barrelling into the apartment and nearly smooshed her. His words, not mine.

We walked to my apartment, taking a detour avoiding Alice's because I knew that there was a chance people could be there and see us walk past. I knew that his parents were staying with Alice and Jasper, and I didn't want to have to subject him to that awkward meeting if they decided to come out and commandeer the two of us.

While in my apartment I decided to take a quick shower, washing all the stress from yesterday out of my joints before getting dressed and joining Edward in the living room. He was standing in front of my bookcase, looking over the books that I had collected over the years.

"Still love Bronte, Austen and Shakespeare, then?" He turned around, smirking at me and I shrugged, feeling myself blush for the umpteenth time already today. "I still think that Romeo was an idiot."

I rolled my eyes at him. He'd always thought that and there was no way that I was going to change his opinion, just how he was never going to change mine.

"Come on." I laughed, pulling him away from the bookcase and towards the door, grabbing my purse and jacket as I went, slipping on a pair of ballet flats.

"Calm down, Bella." He chuckled. "I own half the place, it's not like I can get fired for being late."

"I guess so." I shrugged, reaching for the door.

I pulled it open, stopping when I saw that someone was standing on the other side of it, their hand raised to knock.

_Fucking perfect!_

Standing right outside my apartment door was Mike, someone I had gone out with once to get him to leave me alone, when in reality all it did was make him worse.

"Uh, hi Bella." He smiled at me, obviously relying on his boyish looks to try to charm his way into my apartment. Or my pants. Whichever.

But he wasn't going to get into either.

"What do you want, Mike?" I asked, noting that Edward was standing off to the side, where Mike couldn't see him with a wide grin on his face. I shot him a warning look which Mike didn't seem to notice.

"I was wondering if you wanted to do something today." He ran his hand through his hair and I was immediately reminded of the Adonis standing right next to me. How did Edward make that action seem so much sexier than anyone else?

_Oh right, I know! Because he' Edward!_

"Sorry, Mike." I shook my head while indicating my jacket, shoes and purse. "I was on my way out actually."

"Where are you going?" He asked, something else in his tone. Something sounding like frustration.

"I'm going to the tattoo shop down the road." I told him, fighting the urge to roll my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest instead.

"_New Moon Tattoos_?" He asked, his eyebrows shooting up almost into his hairline. "I didn't put you down as a tattoo and piercings type of girl."

"She's not." Edward replied, moving from where he was standing and leaning against the wall by the door. "She's coming in with me."

I couldn't suppress the smirk as I watched Mike's eyes widen as he took in Edward's appearance. Casually leaning on the wall in a tight plain black t-shirt and loose faded jeans, coupled with the thick chain hanging from his belt, attached to his wallet, which was inside his pocket – he's weird with his wallet. Always has been – and boots that were obviously steel-capped, to me, he looked glorious. But I knew that to Mike, what with the piercings and tattoos visible, he screamed _dangerous_.

"Uh, Bells, are you sure?" His voice wasn't as confident as it had been less than a few seconds ago, and his eyes were still glued on Edward, probably taking inventory of his various designs and such, taking note of the steel that he could see at the same time.

"Yes, Mike, I'm sure." I rolled my eyes, knowing that this wasn't going to placate him. It was obvious that he saw Edward as being dangerous. Anyway, that was his problem.

He leaned closer to me, whispering in my ear. "Bells, he's not …… forcing you into anything, is he? I wanna come with you today, make sure you're okay, you know?"

"Mike." I sighed, pushing him away. I knew that Edward was watching him closely, making sure he didn't over step the mark. "You can come if you want, but I'm going to be perfectly okay. Edward's an old friend. Known him since I was little."

"Yeah, and Bella, if we don't get moving, this old friend is going to be late." Edward commented and I laughed ushering him out of the door, locking it behind me. He slipped on a leather jacket at I turned around to face him and that was not helping with banishing the 'Writhing Edward' fantasies from my brain. Him standing there, looking the way he did, screamed pure _sex_ and I'm telling you I would not be adverse to unlocking my door, throwing him inside and doing naughty things to him all day.

The only things really stopping me were the fact that Mike was still standing in the corridor and that he had to get to work. I also had to think that he might not want it, either.

"I thought it didn't matter if you were late." I shot back, trying to sound calm and he chuckled.

"Principle of the thing." I nodded, smirking at him.

We started to walk and I noticed that Mike was following closely behind us the whole way. He tried to plant himself between Edward and I in the elevator, but that didn't work and Edward ended up in the middle, which didn't appease Mike at all. Actually he looked as though he was going to wet himself.

We walked down the street casually and I couldn't help but Mike's face would go from panicked to worried to looking like he wanted to call the police every few seconds.

"I think Mike's urging to call the cops on you." I muttered to Edward as we rounded a corner. "I don't know why though. You haven't done anything wrong."

"Look at me, Bella." He chuckled, turning around to walk backwards. "I don't exactly fit in with society's ideal, do I?" I shrugged. Personally, I thought he looked just fine. Well, more than _fine_. He was absolutely gorgeous. What I wouldn't give to see that beautifully inked and pierced body writhing underneath me as I did unspeakable things to it. _Hmmm………… possibilities._

_Stop it, Bella!_ I scolded myself, giving myself a mental slap. _He needs a _friend_ right now. And not a friend who's going to have screwed up sexual fantasies about hot steel and sweat covered ink………………… Gah! Stop it!_

I shook my head, bringing myself out of my brief mental spazz. "I think you look fine." I told him in a slightly hoarse voice.

He chuckled slightly, shaking his head, still walking backwards and amazingly not walking into any inanimate objects or people. "Bella, I think it's pretty obvious that I don't fit in with socially acceptable norms that people adhere to themselves and in turn expect others to adhere to. Just looking at me you can tell that I don't fit with the margins of those norms."

"But why should people care what you look like?" I asked, trying to defend him, even though there was only him around and Mike a few feet back, probably glaring at Edward for all he's worth. "I mean, it's not up to them what you do with your life, your appearance and such, so they really shouldn't give a stuff."

"Oh, but they do." He turned and started walking the right way. Quite gracefully, I might add. If that had been me, I would have been flat on my face trying to turn around, but then again I wouldn't have been able to walk backwards more than one step without doing a face-plant. But something told me that Edward would catch me if I fell. "If there's a crowd and there's someone in it that doesn't fit in with the majority – like me – then that person with undoubtedly attract a lot of attention."

"Is that what you want?" I asked and he shook his head at me.

"No." He said softly, as we stopped in front of the shop. "I don't like attention. You know that." I nodded. I _did_ know that. Edward and I were always the ones to disappear when it came to having the attention. Whether it be birthdays or Christmas, we'd always disappear. "I have these because they represent me and those that mean the most to me. It's not a statement or whatever. They're just …… me."

With that we made our way into the shop, Mike following behind us. I was welcomed by Jake sitting at the small desk behind the counter, looking up and waving at me before going back to whatever he was working on. I recognised the song playing in the background as one of my personal favourites. _'Barracuda'_ by Heart. My kind of music. Love it. No doubt that this was one of Edward's choices. He was always into this kind of music when he was younger. But then again, as long as it wasn't rap, r'n'b or country then it was his kind of music.

It had been his passion that seemed to dwindle away over time. It was as if something had caused him to have an aversion to something that he had loved so much in the past. I wondered if he still felt that way. But then I reasoned that nothing would be able to keep Edward away from his music for long. It was too much a part of him for him to let go.

"Anyone interesting in today?" Edward asked, hanging up his jacket on the hook, catching the diary that Jake threw at him. He opened it to today's date and rang his finger down the page. "Tanya's in again?"

"Yup." Jake replied, popping the 'p' but not looking up from what he was doing.

"I swear she gets another one for every guy she fucks." He sighed, dropping the diary back on the desk.

"She probably does." Jake chuckled and I looked up as a slight woman made her way out of the back. Like the others in here she was covered in tattoos and piercings. Whereas on others they would look tack on her they accentuated her looks, drawing your eye to where she obviously wanted it most. She walked over to Jake and gently rubbed his shoulders, placing a small kiss on the back of his neck. He relaxed instantly and she smiled.

"You talking about Tanya?" She asked, looking up at Edward who nodded. "How many's that now?"

"I have no fucking clue. It's gotta be getting into the twenties ……… at least." Edward smirked at me and I raised an eyebrow at him, wondering what the hell was going on.

"Woman who comes in here, she comes probably … what is it, Jake? - about once a week or so, or once every couple of weeks and gets a butterfly tattooed on her shoulder. They're now starting to travel down her back."

"I swear, a few more and she'll be able to fly." Jake muttered and Edward laughed.

"Hi!" The small woman was in front of me now. She was a little taller than Alice, but by no means any less hyper. "I'm Mae, Jake's girlfriend. And you are?"

"I'm Bella." I held my hand out for her to shake, but she batted it out of the way and threw her arms around me.

"So, what can we do for you?" She asked, releasing me. Something told me that she realised Mike wasn't really 'with' me as it were, just following me for the sake of it. I wondered if he did anything better with his time.

"Actually, Mae, she's an old friend of mine." Edward piped up from where he was leaning against the wall, watching Jake. Jake didn't seem to take any notice of him. "She wanted to come in with me today."

"Well, yeah." I shrugged, feeling myself going slightly red. "I've always found tattoos and piercings and such interesting, and I wanted to see how they're done?" Edward looked over and raised an eyebrow at me. What he didn't know was that they _had_ actually been interested in tattoos and piercings for a long time. I'd wanted my belly pierced since I was fourteen, but had always been too much of a coward to get it done or tell anyone that I wanted it done. "There's a lot you don't know about me, Edward Cullen."

He chuckled in response as I turned back to Mae standing in front of me. "Hmmm…………" She was playing with one of the studs on the left side of her mouth, apparently thinking about something. "I want to try something. Will you trust me?"

"Um…" I looked at Edward who shrugged, indicating that he had no idea what was going through her mind.

"He's no use." She waved him off over her shoulder, causing him to pull a face at her behind her back. "I'll get you back for that one, _Eddie_." She grinned evilly at him.

"You will, will you, _Nessie_?" She scowled at him and he looked smugly at her. Apparently, they both had names they abhorred.

"Don't call me that." She growled and he shrugged, obviously not deterred.

"You know what you have to do." He answered cryptically, and she sighed, rolling her eyes.

"So, will you trust me?" She asked and somehow, I felt compelled to trust her. I nodded and she squealed, clapping her hands. "Great." She grabbed my hand and pulled me through a door and down a small corridor. There were four doors down here. One I knew as Edward's tattooing room, one I guess was Jake's and one that was probably Seth's piercing room but I had no idea what the last room was. And it was that room to which we were headed.

We walked into the room and she locked the door. 'To keep Edward out' she reasoned and I felt oddly confused about her behaviour. I looked around and saw a mixed display of barbells and rings, all different colours, lengths, patterns and shapes. Then it dawned on me that this must be another piercing room.

"Wait." I turned to look at her. "You work here?"

She nodded and I smiled at her. "Yes, I do." She looked me up and down, appraising me for something. "Now …… I'm guessing that you've always wanted a belly piercing, am I right?"

"How'd you know?"

"It's a gift." She replied, sounding remarkably like Alice in that instant. "Alright. I'll do you a deal. I'll do your belly for some embarrassing stories about Edward when he was little."

"What?" I laughed and she shrugged.

"The guy is impossible to embarrass. I was thinking that since you're an old friend, you grew up with him, right?" I nodded and her smile widened. "Well, then, you're the key to embarrassing Edward. The stories from when he was younger are bound to get him."

"I don't know." I mused. I wondered if I'd ever actually seen Edward embarrassed. "He's never been easy to get."

"Well, even so, I bet the stories are funny." She giggled and I nodded, surprised at how well I was getting on with her. "So……" She patted the chair after I had chosen the ring that I wanted. I couldn't believe I was getting this done. I'd always thought that it was only an idea that would never happen. "What's with the other guy out there?" She asked as I raised my top and she wiped some antiseptic smelling stuff on my belly.

"Him?" I shrugged, wincing slightly as she applied the clamp to my skin. "He's a guy I went out with once and he's taken it upon himself to act as my keeper for the day?"

"Why?" She asked, clearly confused.

"Well, he turned up at my apartment this morning, just as Edward and I were leaving – and before you say anything, nothing like that happened at all." She bit her lip, one of the studs in her lip disappearing. "And he obviously doesn't trust Edward, for some reason."

"Well, come on, I mean you look at him for the first time, you wouldn't really trust him, would you?" She replied nonchalantly. Something told me that she had been on the end of this type of behaviour before.

"I guess." I mumbled, shaking my head. "And anyway, I think he thinks that Edward's going to do away with me at some point today."

"He's not, is he?" She giggled and I laughed, shaking my head at him.

"I hope not." I replied. "But then again, I wouldn't really mind if it was him that was doing it."

"You like him, don't you?" She asked, her tone suddenly soft and understanding.

"For a long time." I replied looking over at her.

"We're all done." She smiled at me and I looked down to find a small square bandage covering where my naval should be.

"Wow." I smiled at her and she shrugged.

"A lot of people expect it to be a lot worse than it actually is." I nodded, thinking about how I'd been too chicken shit to get it done. I felt good now that I had finally done it.

We sat there talking about random things for what felt like hours. A lot of it focused around Edward and memories of him as a kid. A much simpler time before …… well, just before. We were still laughing when we re-emerged from the back a while later, seeing Edward finishing up with a gorgeous blonde who was now walking out the door. As she turned around, I saw a littering of butterflies on her back and surmised that this must be Tanya.

The four men out the front – yes, Mike was still hanging around, looking a little more than freaked, I might add – turned to face us as we appeared, laughing.

"What have you two been up to?" Jake asked, wrapping his arms around Mae, who seemed to melt into his touch.

"Oh, nothing." She giggled looking at me. Edward was looking between the two of us, looking rather nervous. "I was just hearing about a rather splendid wedding ceremony that Bella attended when she was younger."

"Bella!" Edward gaped at me, trying to fight a smile. I couldn't help but laugh at his expression.

"How come you never told us you were married, Edward?" Mae asked in an innocent tone. He mock glared at her and she laughed, a wicked glint in her eyes.

"Yeah." I looked up at him, walking over to him. "I mean, I'm sure that Rose has told everyone."

"Shut up." He mumbled, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"You're married, Ed?!" The looks on Seth and Jake's faces were pure comical gold. They actually believed that Edward was married.

"I was six." I clarified, chuckling in spite of himself. "My sister, Alice, got it into her head that there had to be a wedding of some sort, and that our friend Rosalie and I had to be the bride and groom, which was just insane because we didn't get on, even back then."

"It was so cute, though." I giggled. "Carlisle was the one that married you and you looked so smart. It was funny when you ran away at the end, though." He laughed loudly at the memory.

"I forgot about that." He chuckled, and I grinned up at him. "I went swimming in the river by our houses. Still in my suit and everything."

"Nice." Jake and Seth approved at the same time.

"My mom wasn't too happy, though." He sobered up slightly before shrugging and chuckling again.

"No she wasn't." I laughed, wrapping an arm around his waist, loving the feeling of him holding me. Being solid next to me. "Those were your smart clothes. She was pissed."

He didn't offer any reponse other than to shrug. "That was a good day."

"It was." I nodded, grinning up at him.

That had been one of the best days I could remember. And there were a lot of those to remember. Looking up at Edward, I could tell that he missed those simpler days. Though he may look like the average twenty-seven year old – if you minus the tattoos and piercings, that is – his eyes gave away that he had been through more than a lot of people have. That he's had to struggle.

Seeing him like this, especially now that I knew what he had been through – seeing him carefree and laughing about silly things – that made me smile and it made me think that maybe we _could_ bring him back from this.

Maybe some part of the old Edward – the Edward that had married Rosalie in his garden when we were six – was still in there somewhere. Maybe I could find him.

He just needed a little encouragement and love.

_**Love? Hate?**_

_**Sorry this has taken such a long time to go up. I don't really have an excuse apart from the age old RL sucks.**_

_**Give the little green button a click. You know you want to.**_

_**Reviews get you a sweaty, inked up Edward. Hmmm…….. now who **_**doesn't**_** want one of those? If they don't they're mad.**_


	9. Can't Contain It Any Longer

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I do however have a new tattoo. I got it yesterday. It's awshum!**

_Oohh  
Oohh  
Standing there by the broken tree,  
Her hands were all twisted, she was pointing at me.  
I was damned by the light coming out of her eyes.  
She spoke with a voice that disrupted the sky.  
She said 'Walk on over yeah to the bit of shade,  
I will wrap you in my arms and you'll know you've been saved'  
Let me sign, let me sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign._

_I was out for a drink in a soho bar  
The air was smoked out liked a cheap cigar  
She rose out of her seat like a painted ghost  
She was the woman that I wanted the most  
As she reached for my arm I gave her my hand  
I said 'Lay me down easy let me understand'  
Let me sign, let sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign._

_As I walked through the door she was still in my head  
As I entered the room she was laid there in bed  
She reached out for me all twisted in black  
I was on my way down, never coming back  
let me sign, let me sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign.  
let me sign, let me sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign._

'_Let Me Sign' – Rob Pattinson_

_***~* Edward *~***_

I couldn't believe that Bella had told Mae about the 'ceremony' that Alice had made us go through when we were little. That was one of the trivial things I had managed to keep concealed over the years. Bella spends one day with the little runt that could give Alice a run for her money in both enthusiasm and nosiness, and the stories start pouring out.

This could not end well.

The next thing I know, the whole of Chicago will know about my habits as a child, how I managed to get Emmett to give up chocolate for a month by telling him that if he didn't, a munchkin would come and eat him in the middle of the night. He was terrified of munchkins, so it worked. I got grounded for two weeks for scaring Emmett – who, in my defence, should have worked out that the munchkins on the Wizard of Oz, aren't real. But then again, it's Emmett. What more do I need to say?

Mae and Bella seemed to be getting on well. I wondered what they had been doing when they'd disappeared out the back. Other than talking, that is.

Bella wouldn't have gotten a piercing.

Would she?

Even though I hated to admit it, Bella had changed and I didn't really know her anymore. I knew about her little quirks and tendencies, but her likes and dislikes and small things about her had changed dramatically. I wanted to find out all about them. I wanted to relearn everything about her.

She still did that thing where she bit her lip if she was nervous, but she had taken to pinching the bridge of her nose or running her hand through her hair if she was stressed. Those were things that I was known for. Things she must have picked up from me.

She seemed to fit in so well at the shop. It was incredible. Normally, Jake, Seth and Mae were wary when it came to new people. Especially when it came to new people and me. They all knew that something had happened in my past. Something huge. Even if they didn't know what. It made them all fiercely protective of me and it made them quick to judge and hard to convince otherwise.

But she seemed to gel with them instantly. They all loved her, but then again, who didn't. As with Alice, it was hard not to love her.

What I didn't like though, was how the stories from when we were younger kept spilling out of her mouth. I would have to duct tape her mouth closed if she didn't shut up soon.

We all worked while she chatted with each of us. Customers, both walk in and appointment, coming and going throughout the day. She didn't seem to be getting bored either. It was like she really _was_ interested. Maybe she was and I had been wrong this morning. I had thought that her reason this morning was an excuse. I don't know what she would need an excuse for, but the way she watched me work proved everything that I had thought wrong.

She would sit on the side next to my workstation and make light chatter with my customers, which was great when it came to the more squeamish ones, not so used to the pain, calming them down and such. A distraction from the pain is always good before they get used to it. It wasn't so good when she made a joke and I had to stop for a few minutes while they stopped shaking. Which happened a couple of times. Each time I looked up at her and she shrugged with an 'I can't help it' grin. I couldn't be mad at her. She was just being Bella. I would get her back for it later though.

"So," Jake mumbled through a mouthful of nachos as we sat in _Eclipse_ after shutting up the shop. "Bella? How'd you enjoy today?"

"Honestly?" She looked at us and we nodded, slightly worried now. "Today was absolutely awesome. You guys are great, and the way you work." She sighed gently looking around at us all. "I just wish that I had the talent that you guys have." She thought for a moment. "Scratch that. I want the _tattooing_ talent that you guys have. I don't think that I could sit there and put holes in people all day." She cringed slightly and shook her head.

"Don't worry, Bella." Mae giggled, covering her mouth slightly. "Being a piercer is harder than it looks."

"I don't doubt that." She looked at me, a small smile on her face. I smiled back, taking a swig of my beer.

"Bella." Jake called her attention again, this time, thankfully, his mouth was empty. "I was wondering … was there any possibility that you would be interested in being the floor person thingy, for the shop. I mean, you were great with the customers today, and we could really use someone like you on the desk. I mean, if you're interested."

"I would, but I already have a teaching job." She looked saddened at the thought. "I'm starting as a teacher over at the high school just a couple of blocks away in a week or so."

"Damn." Jake shook his head, looking thoroughly disappointed. He had taken a shine to Bella, just as everyone else had. Something inside of me, told me that I should be jealous, but with Jake, I just couldn't do it. He was so enamoured with Mae, that there was no chance he would ever make a move on Bella.

"I could do the weekends." She offered, a small smile on her face.

"Really?" His face broke out into a huge grin and she nodded.

"As long as I have time, I can be there." She looked at me, and I knew that I had a goofy smile, just like Jake's on my face. "You don't mind, do you, Eddie?"

"I only mind if you call me that." I took another swig of my beer, not breaking eye contact with her. I barely noticed the song had changed to one of Mae's favourites. Something in me registered that the other three had gone – we had lost Mike earlier, thank god, because he was bugging me. I would have to ask Bella about him later. Or maybe tomorrow – and we were now sitting at the table alone. I shifted my chair closer to hers, and leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Why would you think I wouldn't want you at the shop?"

"I don't know." She mumbled back, her cheeks turning that beautiful colour I loved so much. "I just thought that, maybe you wouldn't want me around so much."

"Bella." I sighed, wrapping and arm around her waist and pulling her onto my lap. She looked surprised but didn't put up a fight at all as I sat her in my lap and twisted her to look at me. "This may sound a little weird seeing as we've only been back in each other's lives for a little over a week, but I will _always_ want you around. I always have and always will."

"Really?" She sounded slightly disbelieving and slightly awestruck. It was kind of a mix of the two.

"Always." I whispered, looking into her eyes, getting lost in their depths. "I always wanted you there before I left and I always want you here now." I knew that I was probably scaring her, seeing as there could be no way that she felt the same way about me. I couldn't tell her than I had been in love with her since we were thirteen and I realised what those feelings were, even though we had been separated by over a thousand miles and ten years. My feelings had never dissipated, never diminished. I still felt as fiercely for her as I had back then. That's why she had been the hardest person to say goodbye to. I didn't want to turn my back on her all those years ago, but I knew that I had to. It was the only way. I wouldn't have been able to say goodbye to her. It would have been too hard.

I hadn't realised that we had been inching closer and closer to each other until I felt the warm softness of her mouth on mine. Her lips were soft and smooth, moving perfectly with mine.

I pulled away slightly, earning a tiny whimper from Bella, which made my heart skip a beat. Had she really just _whimpered_ because of me? I wanted to taste her, so much, but I knew that if I didn't do this now, I never would. Something I had been too afraid to do when we were back in Forks.

"Bella?" She hummed in response, her hand running gently through my hair, her lips pressed against my forehead. "I know this may sound weird and strange coming from me, especially since we don't really know each other anymore, but … will you be my girlfriend?"

She looked down at me, a look of shock and surprise on her face. _Oh shit, now I've done it._ I thought, trying to work out a way to backtrack what I'd said. _Now she's going to hate me. Stupid fuck-_

My mind rambling was cut off when her lips crashed back to mine, which such a force that it rammed the rings in my lip into my teeth and gums. _That's gonna leave a bruise_. I thought, not really caring at this point in time. At least she hadn't stormed out, completely insulted.

"Yes, I will be your girlfriend, Edward." She whispered against my lips, her tongue brushing out and prying my lips apart. I gladly parted them and her tongue slid into my mouth and I tasted her sweet strawberry flavour. Her tongue held the vague tint of the beer that she'd been drinking this evening.

We sat there in the same way for I don't know how long before we pulled away from each other. She rested her forehead on mine gently, panting slightly, as I was after using up all of our oxygen. She started peppering kisses all over my face and I couldn't help but laugh. She smirked against the skin of my throat and I felt a slight sharp pain. She giggled, pressing her lips to it again before she made her way around my jaw line.

"Bella?" I looked down at her and she smiled at me, straightening up. "Did you just bite me?" She shrugged, a small smirk fighting to appear on her lips as she looked down at me. "You did! What? Are you practicing to become a vampire or something?"

"Well, you never know." She whispered, pressing her lips back to mine.

"Eddie!" We both groaned, as we pulled apart and she pressed herself to me, her arm wrapping around my shoulders.

We both looked up and saw Lauren standing there alternating between glaring at Bella and trying to smile seductively at me.

I tried to smile but I was sure that it came out as more of a grimace. "Hi, Lauren."

"How come you didn't tell me that you were coming here tonight?" She sat down in the chair that Bella had been sitting on, even though there was no way she was sitting back there again. She was staying in my lap. The fact that she was helping to conceal a _very_ prominent problem of mine – which she could no doubt feel – as she sat in my lap. A problem that was being solved by Lauren sitting so close to me. "I mean, we could have totally come together. Wouldn't that have been great? I mean, it's such a coincidence that we're both here now; it must be fate or something like that. Something's pushing us together, don't you think?"

"Um ……" She didn't give me time to answer before she went off again.

"I knew that you felt the same way." She batted her eyelashes at me and crossed her arms, pushing her plastic tits even further out of her top. "It's obvious that we're perfect for each other. I mean, we're both hot so it's natural that we should be together." _Wait, what?! I'm confused_. "It's like, natural selection or whatever. So……… why don't you drop this band of losers and come with me." She ran her finger down my arm, and I felt Bella stiffen on my lap. And …… was that a _growl_ I heard from her? She sure has got the jealousy thing down pat. But then again, so did I. I didn't want anyone else touching her.

"Lauren!" I heard a familiar voice and I looked up to see Tanya standing there, looking pissed. "When are you going to get it through your thick blonde head, that Edward's not interested?!" She hissed at her.

Lauren stood up, trying to face off with Tanya, who was taller and, even though she didn't look it, a lot stronger than Lauren was.

"You can't insult me with the blonde thing, because in case you've looked in the mirror lately, you're blonde as well." Lauren smirked back and Tanya rolled her eyes.

"Okay." She shook her head and I could tell that she was trying not to laugh at Lauren's choice of attack. Her hair colour. Great pick there, Lauren. "I don't care about hair colour. But what I do care about, is the fact that my skanky little cousin is throwing herself at someone who obviously doesn't want her. Get it through your head, Lauren, he doesn't want you."

Lauren scoffed, crossing her arms. "Jealous, much?" She smirked at Tanya, completely getting the wrong end of the stick. Bella had her head buried in my shoulder, shaking with laughter at Laurens idiocy and I had to say that I found this whole thing amusing myself.

"I think that would be you." Tanya shot back, gesturing to Bella and I. "Lauren, how many times have you thrown yourself at him and he's said no? How many times have you made an idiot of yourself, just to try and get him, and he's blown you off? And now, you follow him in here when he's obviously with someone else – including friends – and you're still trying it. It obviously doesn't matter that he has a girl sat in his lap. One that he obviously cares about, judging by that little display of affection – which, by the way guys, was totally cute –" Bella, who had resurfaced when Tanya had started talking, flushed a bright red and buried her head in my shoulder again, making me chuckle. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to me, revelling in the warmth of her touch and the faint electric current that seemed to appear whenever we had skin on skin contact. It wasn't something I had ever felt with anyone but Bella. "And you _still_ can't get it through your thick skull. He doesn't want you Lauren, get over it."

There was a faint round of applause from those who had turned to watch Tanya's verbal bitching out of Lauren, who turned out to be her cousin. _Hm… go figure._ Lauren noticed that there were people watching them, let out some half strangled scream thing and stormed out of the bar, to a round of laughter.

Tanya smiled, looking very pleased with herself, sitting down in the chair that had been previously held by Lauren.

"Sorry about that." She smiled, sheepishly, looking towards the door. "She's just been pissing me off so much lately. _Eddie_ this and _Eddie_ that. I swear, she doesn't even know that you hate that name."

"I know." I chuckled, squeezing Bella slightly, who was sitting there, her head resting on my shoulder, giggling slightly. "Thank you."

"No problem." She grinned, looking at Bella.

"Oh, Bella, this is Tanya. Tanya, this is my Bella." I didn't miss the tiny smile that flickered across Bella's face when I called her 'my Bella'. Seemed she approved of that name.

"Wait, Bella?" Tanya looked at me incredulously. "As in-"

"Yes." I cut her off quickly, nodding, feeling my own cheeks turning a slightly pink colour. Bella sat up and raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged, resting my head on her shoulder as her fingers made their way up into my hair, gently twisting it, probably making it into eve more of a mess than it normally was.

"Aw, you guys are so cute." Tanya cooed, doing a remarkable impersonation of Alice, sitting there bouncing in her chair.

"Thanks." Bella mumbled, gently kissing my forehead. Everything she did felt natural. As though she was supposed to be doing it. It was only her. Only ever her. "So… how do you know Edward?" She asked, looking between the two of us.

"I go into the shop quite a bit." Tanya replied, a glint in her eye. I knew that look and shook my head, chuckling. It was the one that said, 'I wonder what she'd do if I told her what my ink means.'

"Were you in there today?" Bella asked, surprising me. How did she know that Tanya had been in the shop? She was out the back with Mae while I had been adding to Tanya's extensive butterfly collection. She noted the confusion on my face and explained quickly. "I heard you mention someone called Tanya earlier after we walked in and when I was coming out of the back with Mae, I saw someone that looked like you leaving. I was just wondering if it was."

"It must have been." Tanya nodded. "I was in there today."

"What did you get?" Bella asked, taking a swig of _my_ beer. I scowled at her and she giggled, raising her eyebrows at me, taking another swig before handing me the bottle. I finished it before putting it back onto the table.

"A butterfly." She looked at me and wiggled her eyebrows. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Bella raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged. She rolled her eyes and shook her head at me, fighting back a smile. "What about you, Bella? You got any piercings or tats?"

"Nope." She shook her head. "I am completely free of ink." She looked down at me, determination in her eyes. "For now."

It didn't escape my notice how she said 'completely free of ink' and not mention the piercings bit. What were they doing in that room earlier?

"Um, Edward." I looked over at Tanya and noticed she had turned a little sheepish, a faint pink tinge to her cheeks. "I was wondering … is Seth seeing anyone?"

"I don't think so." I shook my head, narrowing my eyes at her. "Why?"

"I know what you're thinking, Edward." She sighed, shaking her head, looking over to where Seth was playing pool. "And I know the reputation that I have, but … there's something about Seth. I really like him."

I could tell by the sound of her voice and the way she looked at Seth that she really did like him.

"Tanya." I reached out and took her hand. "In all honesty, I think he likes you too."

"You do?" She looked up at me hopefully and I nodded.

"I just think that's he's intimidated by you." She looked at me in confusion and I raised my eyebrows at her. She nodded in understanding before looking back at Seth.

Jake, Mae and Seth were making their way over to the table now, Jake holding a new tray of drinks. He placed it in the centre of the table grinning at Bella and I. I shook my head, chuckling softly as Mae looked between us expectantly. I noticed that Seth and Tanya kept glancing at each other when they thought that no one else was looking.

It was quite cute to see.

_***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***_

"Why would you pick that one?" Jake asked, a drunken slur to his voice. Not as bad as I had seen him before, but clearly the other side of tipsy. As we all were. "I mean, who would want to spend eternititittty …" He shook his head, trying to get the word out. "Forever!" Of course, going with the simpler word, as was Jake's style. "As a bloodsucking leech, I mean… why?!"

"Because…" Tanya pointed at him, holding her beer bottle in the same hand, her elbow slipping off the table slightly, causing us all to laugh. "If you're a vampire, then you don't age. Annnnd … you get to stay beautiful forever. Plus, you get the super strength and sppppeed as well."

I nodded, as did Bella.

We were in the middle of a philosophical drunken conversation. You know the one I'm talking about. You've had them before. We had them all the time and they usually ended on a completely different topic than the one we actually started on. Tonight's topic: would you rather be a vampire or a werewolf?

Bella, Tanya and I said vampire. Seth and Jake said werewolf. And Mae said that she didn't want to choose so she would be a hybrid mix of both. Somehow in our drunken minds, that made sense.

Then came the argument as to which one was better. I knew – or at least, I thought – that some good reasons had been put forward but being honest, I wasn't paying attention. I was staring at Bella for most of the night.

She was so pretty.

No. Pretty wasn't a good enough word for her. Pretty was a crap word to describe Bella. She was beautiful. But the silly girl didn't know it. She thought that she was plain. Well, I was going to have to show her that she wasn't, wasn't I?

"Come on, guys." Someone behind me said, effectively stopping whatever argument Jake was putting forward. "We're closing now. Up you get, come on." The last part was said with a slight chuckle and I knew that it was because we were in here until closing every time we came in. They were used to kicking us out.

We slowly – with a lot of whining from Jake, as was the usual – made our way out of the bar, and down the street. I wrapped my arm around Bella, making sure that she came with me to my apartment. I might be drunk, but I knew not to let a lady walk home on her own. She stopped and pouted at me.

"What?" I asked, looking down at her, worried.

"I've seen your apartment." She stated and I stared at her, not understanding. She had seen my apartment and I had seen hers. I didn't understand. "I've seen more of yours than you have of mine. I want to go to my apartment."

"Oh." I stood there, probably swaying slightly as she looked up at me.

She turned and yanked on my arm, pulling me forward slightly. I followed her, not really wanting to argue with her.

Stumbling through her door, probably about an hour later, I found myself on the floor, laughing at something that probably wasn't even funny. I pulled a shoe out from underneath me and threw it somewhere. I hoped I'd thrown it where her shoes live.

"What are you doing down there?" Bella asked, her head tilted to the side slightly an amused, yet slightly confused look on her face.

I shrugged, holding my arms out and up into the air in the universal 'I don't know' sign. She giggled slightly and was then straddling my waist as I lay on the floor just inside her apartment, her lips crashing down on mine.

"Bella." I mumbled after a couple of minutes, my inebriated mind still registering that what we were doing wasn't exactly private. She hummed in response and I pulled away from her, trying to focus on her eyes, which seemed to be slightly glazed over. I knew that mine were as well. "The door is still open."

She turned around and giggled, her hand covering her mouth slightly. "Oops." She slid off of me and pulled herself up, closing the door before turning back to me. I was still flat out on the floor watching her as she moved, my drunken mind trying to commit everything about her to memory. I wouldn't remember in the morning.

I was pulled out of my 'admire Bella' moment, by two hands grabbing my own and yanking me up off the floor into a sitting position. I looked up to see Bella smiling at me.

"Come on." She laughed as I scrambled to my feet. As soon as I straightened up, her lips were back on mine and I was being shoved into a wall. My hands went into her beautiful brown hair, whereas hers were everywhere. It was as though, while I was trying to commit the look of her and how she moved to memory, she was using her touch to do the same thing. I felt her hand brush against the straining hard on that I'd had all night and she smirked against my lips when she felt me stiffen slightly.

She pulled away from me, a devious smile on her face as she took my hand and tried to pull me somewhere. I looked at her in confusion as she pouted before she reached out and grabbed my dick through my jeans and tugged slightly.

I got the message and followed her, worried about what would happen to Little Eddie if I didn't. Maintaining her hold on my jeans, she turned me around, closing the door behind her and pushed me backwards, a devilish smirk on her face.

I felt my legs hit something and I felt backwards onto something soft. I realised that this must be her bedroom. She climbed on top of me, her lips crashing back to mine as her hands trailed down my chest, tugging at the hem of my t-shirt, pulling it up slightly. I lifted myself up so that she could remove the shirt, looking at the intensity in her eyes.

"Bella." I whispered softly as she started peppering kisses over the tribal designs that littered my chest, making her way up and down the vines that wound their way around the other designs on my body. "Are you sure about this?"

She looked up at me, kissing her way back up my chest before pressing a lingering kiss to my lips. "I'm not ready to go all the way with you, Edward. But … I do know some other stuff we could do." She smirked at me, her hands running up and down my chest, making me quiver slightly.

I reached out and grasped the hem of her top, pulling it over her head, catching sight of blue lace. _I think the appropriate word is …… du-uh!!!! _She smirked at me, knowing what I was thinking. My eyes gazed up and down her body, drinking in her beauty, when I noticed the small white bandage that had been secured over her belly button.

"What's this?" I asked, gently removing the bandage, revealing a small bar with shimmering green gem resting neatly in her naval. "Guess I know what you and Mae were up to today." I looked up at her to see her biting on her lip.

"Do you like it?" She asked, her voice small and cautious.

I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her belly, trailing them up to her breasts before looking up at her. "I love it."

She smiled at me before she reached around and unwound my arms from her waist, pressing her lips to mine, gently pushing me back onto the bed. She pulled away from me, shaking her head.

"Tonight's about you." She whispered into my ear before her tongue came out and started playing with the ball of my tragus piercing. She kissed gently down the side of my face, taking my earlobe into her mouth, sucking on it gently. I couldn't help the small moan that escaped me as she sucked her way down my neck. I was vaguely aware of her taking my hands and placing them either side of my head. "So sit back and enjoy."

She gently ran her fingers across the various patterns that adorned my chest. I couldn't suppress the shivers that ran through me at her touch. She looked up at me, smirking before her fingers and tongue resumed their travels up and down my torso. A moan escaped my throat as her lips and fingers found my nipples, toying with the bars that ran through each one.

My head shot up when I felt her unbuttoning my jeans. I grabbed her wrists and gave her a 'what are you doing?' look. She replied with an 'I want to. Let me.' look of her own. She took my hand from around her wrist and placed it back on the bed, resuming what she was doing.

I lifted my hips so that she could remove my jeans and boxers and I couldn't help the small smug smile when she gasped when Little Eddie saluted her. I was also aware that I was completely bare for her, while she was mostly dressed. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but it wasn't self conscious in the slightest, as I would probably normally feel.

I didn't really have time to ponder that before, I felt one of her tiny fingers running up the underside of my dick.

"Hmm… interesting." I heard her mumble softly from where she was placing kisses down my stomach. "I should have expected this but some part of me didn't."

"Expected what?" I asked, trying to appear innocent.

She appeared in front of me, pressing her lips to mine in a fierce kiss. One that I was only too happy to reciprocate. She giggled slightly as I gasped into her mouth as her whole hand wrapped around my dick, squeezing gently.

"I should have expected these." She ran her nail gently up the underside of my dick again, eliciting another moan from me. I knew that she was talking about the fraenum ladder that she had discovered. Her finger moved to the tip where she gently grasped the small ball between her thumb and index finger, twisting it slowly. "And this." She smirked against my cheek as I moaned at her touch. "Like that, do we?" I couldn't reply with words – I had lost that function a little while ago – so I merely nodded.

She kissed her way down my chest and stomach, paying particular attention to my nipples and the trails created by my ink. She seemed to be extremely pleased about something. Whatever it was, it was making this an incredibly enjoyable experience for me, so I hoped she stayed that way.

I let out a gasp when I felt her mouth secure itself around the head of my dick, her tongue playing with the steel balls at the top and bottom. My hands fisted into the sheets either side of me as she sucked, alternating the speed and intensity as she moved. She used her teeth each time she encountered the piercings on the underside, causing me to moan and her to smirk.

"Bella…" I moaned, trying to warn her that I wasn't going to last much longer and to move myself away from her, but she reached underneath me, grabbing my ass and holding me to her.

"Come for me, Edward." She whispered, releasing me with a pop. "Come for me."

"Fuuuck……" I moaned, my back arching off of the bed as those words proved to be my undoing. She didn't allow me to move as I exploded into her mouth, my dick quivering and twitching as she drank me down, releasing me with another resounding pop, a smug smile on her face. "Fucking hell." I whispered as she settled herself next to me, taking off her jeans.

"You're welcome." She whispered, pressing her lips to mine as she pulled her duvet over the two of us. "You can pay me back later."

She didn't allow me to answer as she pressed her lips to mine again, effectively silencing me before she settled her head down on my chest, directly above my heart. I was _definitely_ going to pay her back, the first chance I got.

After a few minutes, I heard her breathing level out and I wrapped my arms around her, telling myself that I was never going to let her go. She wasn't going anywhere. At least, not without me there with her. Until she told me to leave, I would be there with her every step of the way.

_***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***_

I woke up the next morning to Bella talking on the phone next to me. She was sat up, an exasperated look on her face. I looked up at her and she smiled down at me.

"No, Ali, I don't." She rolled her eyes and I gave a small smile, wrapping my arms around her waist, resting my head against her stomach, gently kissing the bar that now ran through her naval. "Alice, please, slow down and can you tone it down a little?"

Of course it would be my sister on the phone. She would be the one to wake Bella up and give her grief when she was obviously suffering from a hangover. Thankfully, I didn't suffer from hangovers, so I didn't have to worry.

"Alice, slow down." She moaned again, sinking down so that she was level with me. "Alice, I've told you before. No." She sounded like she was starting to get pissed. "Alice, leave it alone. It's not anything to do with us, leave it alone." I felt my brow furrowing; wanting to know what she was talking about. She threw me an apologetic look which confused me even further. "I don't care what ideas you've had, or what you've all been coming up with, leave it alone. Please."

"What's going on?" I mouthed to Bella and she shook her head, her eyes rolling pointedly at the phone. She started running her fingers through my hair, sighing gently.

"Alice." She sounded really frustrated and I wanted to yank the phone away from her, tell Alice to go away and let her sleep off her hangover. "Alice. It's nothing to do with us. It doesn't matter what you come up with, if he doesn't want you to know, you're not going to know." _Ah. There it is._ "Nothing you do or say is going to get him to open up before he wants to." She paused for a moment. "Well, it's not up to Jasper and Rosalie." She sighed, rubbing her eyes, obviously trying to block out the light. "Look, Alice, I'm not feeling well, so I'm going to go. Don't harass Edward, please. Oh, and he says that you need to phone the shop to make an appointment to get your tattoo filled in." I smiled at her, glad that she remembered. "Because I saw him yesterday." She looked down and winked at me. "So?" Another pause. "No, I didn't." She huffed slightly, obviously getting annoyed with my persistent sisters' questioning. "Goodbye Alice." She pulled the phone away from her ear and hung up on her.

"You realise you're in trouble now, don't you?" I looked up at her and she nodded, shrugging at the same time.

"I don't care." She put her phone on the table beside her bed and turned back to me, wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling me closer, capturing my lips in an intense kiss. "Morning."

"Morning." I replied, smiling. "How's the head?"

"Don't ask." She mumbled, pressing the heel of her hand to her forehead, obviously wanting the pain to go away. She looked at me suspiciously, her eyes narrowing. "How are you not dying? You had more than I did."

I shrugged slightly. "I don't get hangovers."

"What?! Ow." She moaned and I had to chuckle, wrapping my arms around her again, pulling her close to my chest. "How can you not get hangovers? That is just …… the most unfair thing in the world."

"I don't know." I replied, honestly. "I just … don't." She huffed in response, burying her head in my chest. "Do you have any painkillers?" I asked her looking down and she peeked up at me through squinted eyes.

"I've already taken some Tylenol." She replied and I nodded, placing a kiss into her hair.

We stayed like that for a few minutes before we both groaned at a banging on the front door.

"Who the hell is that?" I grumbled as Bella fake-sobbed crawling out of bed and pulling on a pair of sweats and a large t-shirt. I wanted to damn whoever it was at the door for making her get dressed.

She walked over to the dresser and opened the bottom drawer, pulling out a black pair of sweatpants and a black t-shirt. She threw them to me and I immediately noticed that they were men's clothes. I raised my eyebrow at her and she shrugged, a small smile on her face.

"Men's stuff is more comfortable." She shrugged again, leaving me to get dressed. I found that a bit redundant especially seeing as she'd seen everything of mine last night. And _now_ she was embarrassed.

"Bella!" I heard Alice squeal as Bella opened the door. "When you said that you weren't feeling well, that I would come over and help to cheer you up."

"Right." I heard Bella moan as Alice obviously made herself at home. "And you had to bring everyone else with you?"

_Great._ I thought, sighing gently as I pulled on the sweats and t-shirt, noticing that my clothes had disappeared, though my phone, wallet and other crap from the pockets of my jeans were on the table next to the bed. "Huh." I shook my head, deciding to figure that out later on.

"Alice said that if we didn't come over, we'd say goodbye to something very precious." Emmett mumbled in a way that made me believe she had threatened the only thing that would actually get a man moving.

"So what about Rose?" I heard Bella ask.

"You think I want to lose that?" I heard Rose ask in a voice that said 'duh, Bella!'

"Right." Bella didn't sound too convinced with their excuses. I think I know why they'd all really come around. "Listen guys, I'm really not feeling up to this, so I'm going to admit that I'm being rude, and-"

"We're not going, Bella." That was Jasper's voice and he sounded like he wanted something from her.

"Why not?" She sounded exhausted and I wanted to run out there, swoop her up and lock her back up in here with me so she could sleep her hangover away. But I couldn't do that. _Could I?_

"Bella," I heard Jasper sigh as someone started to pace. "Look, we know that you promised him, but … what with Emmett now on his side-"_What the hell?_ "-don't you think that we deserve to know? Don't you think that with everything that's happened, we deserve a little information."

"It all depends on what you want to know." Bella replied in a voice that told him he wasn't to get any information.

"Yes, Jasper." I'd had enough and wanted to know what the hell he was playing at. "What do you want to know?"

"Edward?" The four of them looked at me in surprise, whereas Bella looked at me with a small smile. "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't answer my question." I shot back, my eyes fixed on Jasper.

"We want to know what the hell is going on with you, and why the hell you left." Jasper replied coldly, his hands fisting at his sides as he spoke.

"Why can't you just let it go-"

"Because whatever it was made you disappear for ten years." Rosalie cut me off stepping forward next to her brother, her voice softer than Jasper's. More understanding. "We were worried about you, Edward. We still are."

"Well, you don't have to be." I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. Bella came to stand next to me, glaring at Jasper and Rose. More Jasper than Rose.

"We can't help it." Alice replied, holding her hands to her chest, looking like she was about to start crying.

"Maybe not." I conceded, leaning on the doorframe. "But you don't have to try and force the answers out of Bella."

"That isn't something all of us agree with." Emmett put in, shoving Jasper out of the way. That was a complete one-eighty for Emmett. He grabbed me and pulled me into a hug, wrapping his arms around me. I relaxed into him, wrapping my arms around him as well. "Don't let him bully you into anything."

"I won't." I assured him as he let me go.

He smirked at me, punching me lightly on the shoulder. He chuckled for a second before he grabbed me in a headlock, laughing.

My breathing hitched and my heart rate sped up. But not how it used to when he did this before I left.

I couldn't help the images that flashed in front of my mind, replaying that night in my mind. I didn't hear Emmett goading me to fight back, or Bella telling him to let me go. All I heard was the jeering and laughter from the men that had attacked me that night. It was all that I knew. I could hear them jeering at me, see them surrounding me, feel their punches and kicks, I could smell the alcohol that stained their breath and clothes, I could taste the blood that poured down from my nose after it had been broken and I could feel the overwhelming fear that had incapacitated me that night.

What the hell was happening to me?

_***~* Bella *~***_

The others didn't notice the change in Edward when Emmett grabbed him. But I did. I noticed it as soon as Emmett's arm wrapped around his neck. The change in his eyes, the look on his face, his sped up breathing, all told me one thing.

He was panicking.

"Emmett!" Alice and Rose were laughing slightly, obviously remembering when the two of them used to wrestle. Jasper had a smirk on his face, probably travelling back to that time as well. "Emmett, let him go!"

"He knows the rules, Bella." Emmett looked at me, something in his face changing when he saw my expression. "What's wrong, Bells?"

"Let him go!" I ran over to Emmett, grabbing his hands and he released Edward.

Edward fell to the floor and scrambled away from everyone until he hit the wall. He had wedged himself in between the sofa and a bookshelf that I had leaned against the wall.

"Edward?" I whispered quietly, walking towards him. He had his knees pulled up to his chest, and his arms resting on his knees. His hands were clenched together, pressed against his mouth. There were tears streaming down his face and his eyes were clenched closed. It was heartbreaking to see. "Edward?"

I knelt down next to him, placing a hand onto his arm. He didn't respond to my touch, which broke my heart.

"Edward, baby." I moved towards him a little more, but because of where he was, I couldn't get close to him. I doubt he realised where he was. "Edward, it's okay."

"What the hell is going on?" Jasper asked, the annoyance at Edward totally gone from his tone. It had been replaced by worry and I wiped the tears from my cheeks. I couldn't get to him and I wanted to take him in my arms and comfort him, but I couldn't.

"Emmett." I sniffed, looking up at him. "Can you move the sofa for me?"

He nodded, mutely, his eyes never leaving Edward's face. "What's going on?" He asked, moving the sofa so that I could get in next to Edward.

As soon as I could, I scrambled up next to Edward, wrapping my arms around him, calling his name softly. I ran my fingers gently through his hair, hoping to pull him out of it. I knew that he was remembered what had happened to him that night. I knew from the glazed look in his eyes that he was in the past. He was in his memories of that night and I wished that I could do something to pull him out of it.

I squeezed him tightly, pressing my lips to his temple, hoping that he would have the strength to pull himself out of it.

When his arms wound their way around my waist and his face buried itself into my shoulder that I knew he had pulled himself out of his past. I clutched him closer to me, pressing small kisses into his hair and on his forehead.

"It's okay." I whispered softly in his ear. "It's not happening. It's not happening. It's okay. It's not real."

"It was though." He whispered back, the fear and pain evident in his voice. For him, it had really been as though he was back there. "It _was_ real. It _did_ happen."

"What happened?" Alice asked and I was suddenly reminded that the others were still in the room with us.

"Come on." Jasper sounded somewhere between a mix of frustrated and scared. "You guys have to tell us what happened."

I shook my head at them and looked back at Edward, who still had his eyes closed and was clutching at me as though I was his lifeline. As though I was the only thing that could tether him to the earth.

He slowly opened his eyes and looked up at me. I looked down at him, telling him that he didn't have to do anything. He nodded into my shoulder slowly, looking down before closing his eyes and resting his head onto my shoulder.

"You guys." I turned to look at them all. "Please. Not now."

They nodded slightly, taking in Edward's appearance, realising that now obviously wasn't the best time to approach this particular topic.

"No." Edward whispered next to me, taking his head off of my shoulder.

"What?" I asked looking down at him.

"They need to know." He closed his eyes, his head dropping back down onto my shoulder.

"Are you sure?" I asked him, hoping that he knew what he was doing.

He nodded his head and I looked at the others, telling them with my eyes to let him get through the whole story before they said or did anything. They all nodded as they sat down. I didn't try to move Edward. Not that his grip on me would let me move anyway, but something told me that being down here was more of a security thing than anything. Boxing himself away from the threat, much like a vulnerable animal would.

"What happened, Edward?" Emmett asked as he settled himself on the sofa I had asked him to move. He passed me a blanket, which I took and draped around Edward's shoulders, hoping to calm him down slightly. I wasn't sure if it worked because all he did was hang on to me even tighter than before.

"Um……" He took a deep breath, another tear breaking free. "Do you remember that week or so that I spent in Port Angeles, the summer Bella went away?"

"The summer before you became a complete douche?" Rosalie asked and I glared at her. She shrugged and Edward nodded.

"Yeah, that one." He let out a dark chuckle and I squeezed him to me. His head was on my chest, resting directly over my heart. I hoped that he could find some sort of solace from the sound. Maybe. Just like I did from his. "Well, um… I wasn't visiting a friend." His voice had lowered to nothing more than a whisper, but the others were all so quiet that I knew they heard it.

"Why were you there then?" Alice sounded confused and I closed my eyes, pressing my lips into Edward's hair, inhaling his sweet scent.

"I, um … I'd gone into the music store on the high street. I didn't realise how long I'd been in there. Kind of like Bella in bookstores. Spend hours in there." I chuckled slightly at his analogy, my face still buried in his exquisite hair. "Anyway, when I came out, it had gotten dark and to get back to my car I had to pass a group of drunks." He sniffed slightly and I looked down to see that he had tears streaming down his face again. I rested my cheek on the top of his head, feeling the tears welling up in my own eyes. Even though I'd already heard his story, hearing it again seemed to make it all the more real.

"What happened, Edward?" I looked up to see Alice had tears in her eyes, probably guessing what had happened. Or part of it at least.

"They attacked me." I pressed another kiss into his hair as he spoke and he settled into me even more. "I didn't do anything to them. They were looking for a victim …… and they found one."

Everyone was silent after his admission. And they didn't even know the worst bit yet.

It was Alice that broke the silence with a tiny sob. "Why didn't you tell us, Edward?"

"I tried." He replied, finally looking away from me and out towards the ones that had gone from being his best friends, to hating him, to probably pitying him for what had happened. "It tried to tell you all what happened, but … nobody had the time. Nobody would listen to me."

"We would have listened." Emmett argued and Edward snorted into my shoulder.

"But you didn't." He fired back, sounding a little more confident than before. "I tried to tell you. All of you. Tried to talk to you, but there was always something more important." He sighed and I looked down to see a new set of tears make their way down his cheeks. It had really hurt him. I just wish that I'd been there. "I couldn't even get five minutes. From anyone."

"Oh, Edward." Rosalie sniffed. She pushed herself up off of the sofa she was sitting on and made her way down to where I was sitting with Edward in my arms. She knelt down and gently cupped his face with her hand. "Edward, I'm sorry." She whispered as he looked up at her. "I should have listened to you. I shouldn't have judged you like I did."

"It's not your fault, Rose." He whispered back. "I shouldn't have behaved like I did. I shouldn't have treated you like I did."

"It's not your fault, Edward." I whispered into his hair. "Nothing's your fault."

"I feel like it is though." He closed his eyes, leaning against me. "I feel like …… I deserved it for some reason. Like …… I don't know. I was making up for something. For something that I'd done wrong. I guess that's why … why they…" He stopped and I knew that he was talking about the rape. For some reason he thought that it was his fault. I had to snap him out of that thinking.

"No, Edward." I hissed, clutching him closer to me, grabbing his chin and tilting his head so he had to look at me. "Edward, you cannot think like that. Nothing is your fault. You are not to blame for anything. Nothing is your fault. _Nothing_." I looked into his eyes, telling him that the attack, the rape wasn't his fault. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he didn't believe me. I didn't know how, but I was going to make him believe me.

"Doesn't feel that way." He whispered and I pressed my lips to his forehead, sighing gently into his hair.

"I'm sorry, Edward." Emmett said softly from where he was sitting on the sofa next to us. We looked up and saw him looking down at us, a grave look on his face. "I shouldn't have done what I did on the night that you left. I didn't really want you gone, but I guess that I was just so pissed at you, that it just … came out. I don't know why I said it."

"It's okay." Edward replied, looking up at Emmett briefly.

"No." Emmett shook his head, standing up and starting to pace. "No, it's not alright. I should have seen that there was something wrong. I should have known."

"Why?" Edward asked him, glaring at him in the same way he had on the night he left. "Why should you have known? I never gave you any indication of what happened. So why should you have known?"

"Because you're my baby brother and I'm the one that's supposed to protect you." Emmett fired back which seemed to make Edward even angrier. His head shot up and he started to shake slightly. He moved away from me and pushed himself up still glaring at Emmett.

"That is a cop out and you know it!" He snapped, causing Emmett to turn and face him. "You can't be expected to know something if the only one who knows doesn't give you any information. What? You think that because you're my brother you have some sort of passage into my head? It doesn't work like that, Emmett. Just because I've now told you about the attack, you know about it. You didn't know that it was them that broke my nose, that they broke four bones in my right hand which is why I stopped playing the piano, that they stuck a six inch blade into my side because they thought it was funny! Did you know about any of that? No! Because I didn't tell you. And that's not even half of it."

Everyone was silent, processing Edward's outburst. They were going to comment on what else had happened and I would bet money that Edward hadn't noticed that slip up because of how pissed at Emmett he was.

"What do you mean 'and that's not even half of it'?" Rosalie asked, her eyes filled with tears and anguish. Just looking at her, you could tell that she regretted what she had said and thought about him over the years. Now that she could see how hurt he had been. Edward shook his head, closing his eyes, his hands fisting at his sides. "Seriously, Edward. What did you mean?"

I looked around and saw that everyone was watching him in the same way. Everyone wanted to know what he meant. I sat on the arm of the sofa, watching him carefully. Watching for his reaction.

He kept his eyes closed, and took a deep breath. "Well, Rose …… let's just say … you're the only one that comes close to what happened to me."

With that he disappeared into my bedroom, obviously not able to deal with what had happened. I would go to him in a minute. I knew that if I were him then I would probably need a minute or two to myself.

"Oh, my God." Rose whispered, her hand flying to her mouth, fresh tears welling up in her eyes.

"What?" The others looked at her, worry and confusion in their eyes. "What have you worked out, Rose?"

"He was raped." She managed to whisper, looking at me. I nodded, looking down at Alice let out a choked sob, getting up.

"Alice." I stood up and stopped her. I shook my head, telling her to leave him be.

"He's my brother, Bella." She argued. "You can't expect me to just leave him alone."

"No." I shook my head. "I'm not saying you should leave him alone. I'm going to go and see if he's alright. And before you say anything … he confided in me for a reason. I don't know what it is, but he felt different in telling me than he did telling you. You guys need to let him calm down for a little while, okay?"

I could see that they weren't happy with what I had said, but they knew I was right. They knew that he had told me what had happened, so they couldn't argue with that fact. They just didn't like the fact that he had told me what had happened and not them.

I left them sitting there and made my way through to my bedroom. "Edward?" I called softly through the door before opening it. He was sitting in the window, gazing out over the city. I closed the door, locking it behind me and made my way over to him.

He turned to face me and I saw that his cheeks were wet with new tears. It seemed that this morning, as soon as he got over one wave of emotion, another came and swept him off his feet. It was heartbreaking to see.

"She worked it out, didn't she?" He asked as I sat down. I nodded, holding my arms out to him. He moved over and settled in between my legs, his back to my chest with his head resting on my shoulder.

"Yeah, they did." I whispered, running my hand through his hair gently.

I could only hope that things would get better for us all now. That we could move on from what had happened eleven years ago. That it could all be put in the past where it should be.

And that Edward could finally have his family back.

_**So the gang know what happened. This wasn't originally where I was going to go with this chapter, but this is the way it came out.**_

_**I hope you like it.**_

_**Don't forget, the Support Stacie Auction is now open for bidding, so if you want any outtakes from your favourite stories, missing scenes or whatever, or maybe even a brand new story all your very own, go and bid. The link is on my profile.**_

_**Love ya.**_

_**Now. Go press that little green button. You know you want to.**_


	10. Alone Time

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I did however find the coolest website that translates actual words into R2-D2 speak. I'm a loser. I know this.**

_**Some parts to this chapter might be upsetting for some readers.**_

'_You and me,  
We used to be together,  
Everyday together,  
Always._

_Now I really feel, that I'm losing my best friend,  
I can't believe this could be the end._

_Don't speak,  
I know just what you're saying.  
So please stop explaining,  
Don't tell me 'cause I'm hurt.  
Don't speak,  
I know what you're thinking.  
I don't need your reasons,  
Don't tell me 'cause I'm hurt.'_

'_Don't Speak' – No Doubt._

_***~*Edward*~***_

Bollocks! Shit! Fuck! Goddammit!

I was such a fucking idiot!!!

How the fuck could I keep something like that a secret for ten years and then tell them practically everything in one evening. I knew that Rose would work out the fact that I had been raped. My little smartass quip at the end before I ran like the fucking coward I am back into Bella's room made sure of that.

Having Bella come in after made me feel a lot better, although I was still reeling inside. I knew that they would pity me. That was a given. But I didn't want it. I didn't handle pity well, especially not from my family. Call me proud, but it's something I've always had a problem with.

Leaning against Bella like that, with her arms wrapped around me made me feel safe and secure. Something I hadn't felt for a long time. It seemed that only Bella was able to awaken that feeling inside of me. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I wasn't sure if I wanted _anyone_ to be able to do that.

The next thing I knew, I was lying back on Bella's bed, alone. I reached out, trying to find someone or something, but I came up empty. Rolling over, I sighed, running my hand through my hair. I knew how I had gotten over here. It wasn't hard to guess. Emmett had carried me over here, especially seeing as Bella wouldn't have been able to do it. I wasn't the smallest of guys and Bella couldn't weigh more than one hundred and ten soaking wet. She had to have asked the help of one of the others.

I wasn't really sure how I felt about that. They knew that I was hurting, and I know that Rose would be able to identify, in some way at least, with what had happened to me. After all, it had nearly happened to her four months later.

_*~*Flashback*~*_

_My friends hated me. My parents were disappointed in my behaviour._

_And none of them understood why. Because none of them had gone through anything like I had. I'll admit, I was being an asshole to them all, but I really couldn't help it. They had all given me the cold shoulder over the summer, not even being able to listen when I'd come back from a 'friend's house' in Port Angeles. I'd said that I'd had an accident and they left it at that._

_Was it so much to ask to want one of them to wonder what kind of accident I'd been in?_

_Was it too much to ask to need a few minutes out of someone's day to speak to them?_

_I didn't think so._

_If I'd been given that, maybe I wouldn't be behaving the way I was now._

_I knew I probably needed therapy and was becoming depressed, reliving what had happened practically every night. Well, that's a lie. It was every night. Some nights it was just the attack. The violence and pain that they'd brought upon me. Each and every night, I could feel my nose breaking, the bones in the back of my hand shattering, each and every blow that connected with my torso and the blade in my side. As if that wasn't bad enough._

_Other nights it was the whole thing. Without pause. Other nights, I wouldn't just have to relive the attack in my subconscious, but everything else they did to me flashed through my mind as well. And it wasn't enough just to witness it again, all of the emotions and pain that came with the actual night was there in my nightmares as well._

_The pain and humiliation as each of them took me right then and there in that alleyway. 'Having their way with me' as they'd put it in their drunken, high stupor. I don't know how long it lasted, but I knew that in each and every nightmare, I felt the pain, the humiliation, the fear, the panic before I fell into darkness as they left me there, bleeding and broken._

_It was those nightmares that woke me in the middle of the night, me needing to get to the closest toilet possible – which thankfully, was my en suite – to empty what was my dinner as quickly as possible._

_If someone ever says that you're safe because you're a man, they're a fucking liar._

_It was after waking up from one such nightmare, that I realised I didn't have anything up here to settle my stomach. I'd started bringing up some saltine crackers or something of that ilk to help take away the nauseous feeling that I carried after returning to my bedroom. I knew that if I didn't, I would never be able to get back to sleep._

_I pulled on an old t-shirt, not really wanting to go downstairs in just a pair of old sweats, in case someone was still up. The mark on my side from where they had stabbed me was still prominent and I knew it would be for a long time. Hopefully, it would fade someday._

_I slowly made my way downstairs, stopping when I heard voices in the living room. Worried voices._

"_It's not like her, though, is it?" That was Alice's voice. She was fighting off tears and I wondered what had happened._

"_No." I heard Emmett's voice and he sounded just as stressed. "She didn't even call to let me know how it went." How what went? Who were they talking about? "I mean, I know Rose is self-sufficient most of – well, _all_ the time, but hey, you would of thought she'd let her boyfriend know how an interview went."_

"_Maybe it didn't go well." Alice offered, trying to placate our brother. What interview? I really was out of the loop, wasn't I?_

"_She would have come over." He deadpanned and I could hear him getting up._

_I moved into the kitchen, knowing that Emmett would rip my head off, knowing that I had been standing there on the stairs, listening to what he and Alice were talking about. I flicked on the dim lights that were situated underneath the cupboards, illuminating the work surfaces, so that I could see without causing too much of a glare or really calling anyone's attention._

_I made my way around the island in the middle of the kitchen, opening one of the cupboards and grabbing the box of saltines, pulling a couple out before turning around and leaning back on the counter, eating them slowly._

_I felt my stomach stop churning slowly as it was abated with some form of sustenance. I really didn't know how long I could keep doing this. I knew that at some point I was going to snap from the lack of sleep and real communication with my family and those who once called themselves my friends. Whether they still were or not, I wasn't too sure._

_I grabbed the box, dropping it as a sudden pain shot up the centre of my right hand. The one that had been broken. Thank someone that I'm left-handed, huh? I reached down and picked up the box, placing it back on the side before running the thumb of my left hand over the back of my right, trying to ease the spasm running through it._

_It calmed eventually and I sighed, grabbing another saltine out of the box and eating it slowly with my left hand._

_Maybe the nightmares would ease if I just told somebody about what happened. But after the massive jerk I've been, who would listen to me? They were all pretty pissed at the way I had been after returning from Port Angeles in the summer. If only they knew why I had been there. Oh, wait! If they'd listened to me then they would know and then maybe they wouldn't be all high and mighty like they were now._

_I sighed, running my hand through my hair. That wasn't a constructive way to think and I knew it. My mind had been pretty warped over the summer, I'll be the first to admit that and I knew that it was unfair of me to take it out on the people closest to me._

_What else was I to do?_

_They didn't want to be around me, so I froze them out of my own life._

_I guess they learned it works both ways._

_But then again, so does the bitchy behaviour. Over the last two months, they had become really pissed at me and had started freezing me out themselves. I never knew what was going on anymore, and I hated it. I was never invited anywhere, never told about anything, never included. I began to feel like the loser in the playground that everyone makes fun of._

_And it hurt. More than I would admit to them._

_I was jarred out of my thoughts by red and blue lights flashing across the kitchen and through the massive windows at the front of the house, quickly followed by banging on the front door._

_Emmett was there in a flash, Alice behind him and my parents close behind. _

_It was Charlie._

_He walked into the house slowly, his arm wrapped around someone. Bella?! My mind went into a panic, not really calming when I saw that it was Rose, not Bella._

_They took her into the living room, my mom barking orders at everyone as she comforted Rose. Why hadn't she gone to her own home? Surely, she would have felt better there with her parents and Jasper. But then I reasoned that Emmett was here, so she would feel safer here._

"_Get out of the way, Edward!" I was stunned out of my haze by Alice shoving me out of the way, hitting the knife wound that was still slightly sore as she moved passed. I hissed softly, not loud enough for her to hear as she frantically grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with cold water._

"_What happened?" I asked Alice as she turned around, glaring at me._

"_Like you care." She snapped, storming past me back out into the living room without another word._

_It was things like that, like Alice's words and actions just then that stung. Those were the wounds that cut deep. I knew I was being an asshole to them. I knew I was hurting them. And they were only lashing out because I'd hurt them. It was a 'give as good as you get' kind of game, and I was tired of playing._

_I put the box of saltines back in the cabinet I had gotten them from, turned off the kitchen light, but didn't leave the kitchen. Instead I leaned back on the wall by the door and slid down, wrapping my arms around my legs and resting my forehead on my knees._

_I didn't want to be a slave to what had happened to me anymore, but I didn't know what else to do. I knew that there was a police officer just one room over that could help me. Whether he would or not, considering Bella had probably told him how much of a dick I'd been since she'd come back , was a completely different question. But he _could_ help me. So why hadn't I gone to him when I could have? Why didn't I go to the Port Angeles Police Station when I had the chance? If I'd gone in there, they would have referred me to the hospital after taking my initial statement. Though I didn't want to admit it, I knew why I hadn't gone for help. Shame. Simple as that. I was ashamed and humiliated at what had happened to me and I wasn't willing to allow others to use the information for their own amusement. Not that I thought that way of Charlie or my family but it was the way I was thinking at the time._

_Now it was too late._

_Whatever evidence there was will be long gone by now. Even the evidence they left behind on and . . . in . . . my body. It would all be gone now, so there was little point to doing anything about it._

_There was a lot of activity going on in the living room, and I knew that my presence wouldn't be welcome, so I pulled myself off up the floor and slowly made my way up the stairs._

"_Rose?" Esme's worried voice pierced through my cloud of self loathing. "Did he do anything to you?"_

_I stopped on the bottom, frozen, my mind wheeling. What had happened to Rosalie? Had she been cursed enough to have to deal with what I had been through?_

_I didn't think I could hear any more, so as fast as I could, I raced back up to my third floor bedroom, closing and locking the door, as I had taken to doing when my nightmares started. I leaned back against the door, sliding down it before settling on the floor. I don't know how long I sat there, but when I awoke the next morning, I was stiff and sore, and the surface below me wasn't as soft as it normally was._

_I opened my eyes to see that I was actually curled up on the floor next to my door. Great move, Edward. Now you're going to be stiff all day._

_I sat up slowly, stretching out as I did, wanting to get some feeling back into my muscles and joints before getting up._

_After about five minutes of stretching or so, hoping that my limbs were all in working order I stood up, unlocking my door and slowly making my way downstairs._

_I heard hushed voices coming from the kitchen as I approached, none seeming aware of my presence._

"_Emmett, you have to calm down." That was Alice's voice._

"_She's right, Em." Wait, Bella was here? What time _was it?_ I shook my head slightly. "Getting worked up over this is not going to help anyone. Especially Rose." What had happened to Rose yesterday?_

"_But thinking about what that fucker could have . . ." He trailed off. Emmett didn't really have a knack for completing whole sentences when he was pissed I mean. "But he could've . . ."_

"_But he didn't." Alice argued in calm soothing voice. "He didn't. She was found before he could do anything to her. You know that."_

"_I know, but . . ." I heard a crash and knew that Emmett had hit something. I was glad that I wasn't in the kitchen, because I knew that it could have been me on the other end of Emmett's fist if I had been._

_I sat on one of the steps on the stairs, trying to filter through what I had just heard. If I was right, Rose had almost been raped last night. My God. I let my head drop into my hands before running them through my hair and resting them on the back of my neck._

"_Surprised to see you're up." A pissed voice from above me commented and I turned my head to see Jasper standing there, anger in his eyes and his posture. I knew that I wanted to hurt me for how I had been treating the group, but it really wasn't his style. Jasper was passive by nature and violence wasn't something he turned to very often. I had a feeling that I was an exception to his rule. "Head stuck too far up your own ass to see if Rose is okay, I see." He commented, walking past me, not looking back as he walked into the kitchen._

_Everything went silent in there and I knew that he had motioned that I was sitting outside. It was like they were now purposefully keeping things from me. I quickly stood up and silently ran back upstairs, closing my door and flopping down on my bed._

_I lay there for hours, not knowing what to do. Should I talk to Rose? Should I carry on the way I have been since I was attacked and raped? After all, I knew better than anyone what Rosalie was feeling right now. Not that any of them knew that._

_I looked out my window, noticing that all the cars were gone. Would they have really left Rose here on her own? Well, they knew that I was in the house, but would they have left her when she was in such a fragile state. I don't care how tough Rose thinks she is, going through that experience will fuck anyone up. Trust me, I know._

_I slowly made my way downstairs to the first floor, hearing nothing from the rest of the house, seeing only the tiniest shed of light from the crack underneath the door of the room Rosalie usually stayed in when she stayed here. The one that she _should_ stay in, more appropriately._

_I slowly made my way to the door, stopping outside, taking a deep breath, not really sure about what I was about to do. I tapped on the door a couple of times before I could talk myself out of it, being rewarded with a gentle 'come in'._

_I opened the door and looked at Rosalie. Her face was pale, absent of all the impeccable make-up she usually wore, tear-streaked and stained. Her hair was up in a loose ponytail – something she never did – and she was wearing old sweats and one of Emmett's Forks High jerseys._

"_What do _you_ want?" She snapped and I closed my eyes, not sure how to take the reaction to my presence._

"_I just came to see if you were all right." I told her softly, and was rewarded with a dark laugh._

"_Right." She sneered sarcastically. Her defences were up. I got that. They would be up for a long time, and I couldn't blame her for that. But it still hurt hearing those words come out of her mouth, directed at me. "Since when do you care, Edward? Oh right, you don't. You used to. But the Edward that came back from Port Angeles in the summer isn't the one that we all used to know. All used to love. He's gone and I _hate_ his replacement." Her words hurt. I didn't know whether they were what they had all been saying about me, or a snap reaction after what had happened to her._

"_I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what happened to you, Rose." I said softly, not looking at her, but instead focusing on the carpet. "And that, better than anyone . . . I understand."_

_Without giving her a chance to react to my words, I left the room and made my way back upstairs. I registered her confused expression as I closed the door, but she didn't follow me or make any move on her part over the next few weeks to show that she understood what I mean. I had thought that maybe she would hear it in my words. That she would guess all is not as it seems. But like so many other times before, I was wrong._

_*~* End Flashback *~*_

I rolled out of the bed, wondering where the hell Bella was. If she was still here at all. I looked at the clock and saw that it was six thirty in the evening. I groaned, knowing that I'd missed almost a full day at the shop, missing clients and appointments and shit. I had some explaining to do when I next saw Jake.

I slowly walked across the room, my hand lingering on the doorknob, as I listened to see whether there were any voices coming from down the hall. I could hear what sounded like the T.V., but nothing else. Who knew if they were still here.

I took a chance and opened the door, slowly walking out into the main apartment. Bella was sitting there, watching the television, seemingly on her own. She looked up at me as I approached her and she smiled at me.

"Hey." She whispered, reaching up behind her to wrap her arms awkwardly around my waist. "Wait, that's not working." She grumbled, shifting around so that she was on her knees, facing the back of the sofa and me. "That's better." She sighed, wrapping her arms around me again, more comfortably this time. "How're you feeling?"

I took a deep breath, inhaling the gorgeous scent of her hair before answering and I felt her smiling against my shoulder. "I don't really know." I sighed and she looked up at me.

"They didn't stay for too long after you checked out on me. I asked Emmett to move you to my bed and they left shortly after." She sighed again, gently rubbing her hands up and down my back. "Rose was in hysterics. She kept saying something about you saying you understood." Her brow furrowed. "What does that mean?"

I climbed over the back of the sofa, clutching Bella to me. "The day after Rose was attacked, you guys had all disappeared somewhere, I don't know where, because at that point I wasn't really the top of anyone's Christmas card list, was I?" She gave me a sheepish smile and I shook my head. "Anyway, I went to see if Rose was alright and she decided to give it to me straight, as she would say."

"What did she say?" Bella asked, looking slightly worried at what Rose might have said eleven years ago.

"She told me that she hated who I was." I sighed and Bella stiffened. "She said that I wasn't the same person that had gone to Port Angeles and she hated the person I had become." Bella opened her mouth to say something, but I clamped my hand over it, knowing that interrupting her wouldn't do it. "No, Bella. She was angry and lashing out. I just happened to be the deserving sap that got in her way. Before you say anything, yes, I did deserve it. I knew I was being a prick, but did that stop me? No, it didn't. I deserved what she said to me and so much more."

Bella pressed her lips a little forcefully against my hand, effectively kissing my palm before taking my hand away from her mouth, running her thumb over my knuckles. "What did you say after that?"

"I just told her that I wanted to say that I was sorry for what happened to her, and that more than anyone, I understood." I said softly, running my hand up and down her arm.

"That was brave." Bella acknowledged and I hadn't thought about it before. I had been so busy telling myself to hide away from everyone, that I didn't realise that my tiny admission was bigger than I thought it was.

"She didn't figure it out, though." I sighed, gently playing with a few strands of her hair. "Until last night anyway."

"I know." She whispered, pressing her lips against my jaw. "But she could have, and then she would have known, which still makes it brave."

"If you say so." I conceded and she grinned at me.

"Oh, and I called Jake and told him that there were a few issues that we had to sort out, so you wouldn't be in today and maybe tomorrow, depending on how things go." She smiled up at me, pleased with herself. "But in return you have to ink someone named Chelsea on Friday and I have to tell him another embarrassing story from our childhood."

"Chelsea?" I groaned, my head flopping back onto the sofa.

"Yeah." Her eyes narrowed at me. "Why? What's wrong with her?"

"Chelsea is a twenty year old girl that gets tats done because she likes to look at me and Jake." Her mouth fell open slightly in shock. "I know. She's the worst with pain, fidgets and shuffles and she doesn't _shut the fuck up_."

"Is she one of these girls that tells you every little detail about her day, even though you are really not interested?" I nodded, my hand over my eyes. "Like Jessica Stanley? Remember her?" She laughed at the grimace of the name she had mentioned. Of course I remembered 'Hop On Stanley'. Everyone with a dick had had a piece of her. I was glad to say that mine was one of the only ones that hadn't. I think the only other dicks at our school that hadn't been 'Stanley-ized' as Emmett called it were his and Jaspers. I wasn't sure who else hadn't, but there had to be some nerdy freshman somewhere that she hadn't gotten her claws into.

"How could I forget her?" I moaned and Bella giggled.

"You know, _you_ were always the one that bugged her."

My head snapped up as I looked at her. "Me?" My voice was higher than I would care to admit and she smirked at me, raising an eyebrow. "What the hell did I do?! I didn't go anywhere near her."

"Don't you get it?" She laughed and I tilted my head, confused. "Aw, you're so cute." She kissed the end of my nose, gently and I raised an eyebrow at her. "It's because you _didn't_ go anywhere near her that got under her skin. She was so used to flashing her tits or her ass and getting what she wanted, that when you brushed her off, she didn't know how to handle it. So she made it her mission to get you into bed."

"Or the backseat of a car." I added and she shrugged.

"Whichever worked for her, I guess." She smiled at me, resting her head on my shoulder. "But you were one of the only ones that got away."

"Thank god." I mumbled, leaning my head back on the back of the sofa again, closing my eyes. "If I hadn't I'm sure my dick would have shrivelled and fallen off by now."

"Thanks for the imagery." She muttered and I couldn't help but snicker. "I hope nothing does happen to this." My eyes shot open and my head snapped up as she grabbed my dick through the cotton sweats I was wearing. She squeezed gently, making me jump slightly as she giggled and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

"Don't." I narrowed my eyes at her, trying to quell the urge to flip her over and do whatever unspeakable thing I could to her. I don't think that would be received very well. Well, to begin with anyway.

"I'm sorry." She giggled, taking her hand away from my now ready and waiting cock and wrapping her arm around my waist. "I just couldn't resist."

"Uh-huh." I dead-panned and she looked up at me, a worried look in her eyes. I pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, letting her know that everything was all right. "Thank you." I whispered softly in her ear.

"What for?" She looked at me again, this time, her expression held nothing but extreme confusion.

"For yesterday." I looked down, away from her, gently trailing my fingers up and down her arm. She relaxed into my touch and I closed my eyes slowly, relishing in the feel of her being near me. "I don't think I could have gone through with telling them if you weren't there with me."

"I was so scared." She whispered, holding me as tightly to her as she could, as though I was going to slip away from her at any given moment. Trust me, as long as she'd have me, I would be here. I wasn't going anywhere. "When you started freaking, I didn't know what to do. And Emmett still had you in the headlock and the others were obviously remembering when you and Emmett used to play fight. Because that was pretty amusing."

I couldn't help but smile. It _had_ been pretty amusing when Emmett and I used to scrap. He may have been huge and strong, but I was quick and had momentum behind the blows I used to land. It was often a fair match. I wished that we could go back to those days sometimes. When the only things we had to worry about was doing our homework and 'will Mom give me my car keys back?'.

"But you didn't." It wasn't a question. I couldn't question this woman. She knew me inside and out, still, after all this time.

"No." She shook her head. "I knew that something was wrong, so I stood there and shouted at him until he let you go. You looked so scared. So terrified. It nearly broke my heart."

I swallowed thickly, hating that I had made her feel this way. "I'm sorry." I whispered, but she gave me a stern look, shaking her head. I was reminded of the way my mom used to look at me when I wasn't allowed something, which normally was either the freshly baked cookies, cupcakes or anything else she used to make.

"You, Edward Anthony Cullen, have nothing to be sorry for." Uh-oh, she middle named me. She seemed so convinced that I was blameless in everything. But I knew that I wasn't completely.

I mean, I chose to push everyone away like I did, to save myself from the hurt of their obvious ignorance to my pain. I chose to be a dick. I chose to leave Forks, after all. Emmett's words might have been the last straw, but it had been something that had been weighing on my mind for a good few months before I left. I knew that I had to think things through before I left, things like, where am I going to go? How am I going to live? How am I going to get a job? I mean, I was a high school runaway, hadn't even got a diploma to my name and here I was, on my own, nowhere to go, running away from something, I essentially, couldn't escape. Considering it was in my own mind. I was just so damn lucky that I had found Jake. If I'd gone to another shop, who knows what would have happened.

Now, I was a part owner of a very successful tattoo shop, earning a good few grand a week doing it. I never would have thought that I would be doing this with my life.

A sharp tap on my forehead brought me out of my musings. I looked down and found that Bella had hit me on the head with a marker pen she had found. "Stop it." She scolded me, trying not to smile.

"Stop what?" I asked, playing innocent.

"Going through all the reasons you're to blame. Because they're all a load of horse-shit." She grinned at me and I was a little stunned. Whether it was from the fact that Bella knew exactly what was going through my mind or whether she had come out with the words 'horse-shit', I wasn't too sure, but I did know that I obviously didn't say anything for a good few minutes because she hit me with the pen again.

"Will you stop doing that?!" I moaned, trying to grab the pen away from her, but she sat up and lodged her knee directly in between my legs, meaning that I couldn't move to grab at it without some serious nut damage occurring. "That's not playing fair."

"I don't care." She giggled, taking the cap off of the pen.

"Bella." I said her name slowly, warning her that if she was going to do what I thought she was – or at least _try_ to do what I thought she was – then she was going to be in for some major payback.

"Edward." She said my name in the same drawn out way, but her tone was laced with humour, clearly enjoying the fix I was in. I couldn't move and my girlfriend had a fucking permanent marker aimed right for me. "What?" She tilted her head to the side and her eyes went wide and innocent. It was only the small smirk on her face that told me she knew exactly what she was doing. "You have some gaps here and I wanted to fill them in."

"Don't you fucking dare." I growled at her and she giggled again, pushing down on her knee. "Hey! Don't do that. It's not fair and you know it."

"I don't care." She grinned, leaning down and pressing her lips to mine, making me lose my focus on what I was doing. And she fucking knew it as well, because at the moment, I felt the cold, wet tip of the pen on my stomach. Somehow she had managed to push my t-shirt up enough to expose my stomach enough to draw on it.

"Hey!" I grabbed her wrist and she squealed quietly. She tried moving her wrist away from me, the only achievement being that she drew on me _and_ herself, causing the both of us to laugh. I managed to get the pen away from her, flipping her over so her back was against my chest, thankfully avoiding any knee-meet-crotch introductions. "I win." I whispered in her ear and she giggled lightly.

"It seems you did." She laughed gently.

"Now." I threw the pen somewhere and she looked at me indignantly, holding up the cap to it. I shrugged and she glared at me so I took the cap off of her and threw in the same direction. "There we go. Maybe they'll find each other."

"Very funny." She rolled her eyes at me, trying to suppress a smirk. "What time is it?" She looked at the clock on her wall and I saw that it was seven fifteen. We'd been sitting here like this for forty five minutes. It didn't seem like it had been that long. "Shall we do something tonight?"

"Like what?" I asked, looking down at her for ideas, because I had no fucking clue.

"We could go to that bar . . . Eclipse?" She suggested and I shrugged, not minding either way. "Is that okay?" She twisted in my hold, so that she was now lying with her chest on mine, her arms pinned in between us. Her fingers came up and ran down my jaw gently, as if she was committing my face to her memory.

"Sounds cool." I shrugged again and she smirked.

"Okay, let me get ready." She pressed her lips to mine, but I held her fast against me. "I have to get up, Edward." She was trying to scold me, but her voice lacked the chastising tone it needed.

"No." I shook my head, claiming her lips again. She giggled into my mouth and I pulled away, pouting at her. "What you're wearing is fine. Dress up and you'll stick out like a sore thumb."

"Really?" She asked, sounding slightly sceptical.

"Absolutely." I nodded, pressing my lips to hers again, sitting up. I looked down at what she was wearing. She was wearing a dark pair of jeans that I could tell – even though she was sitting down – hugged her ass like a second skin. They got wider as they travelled down her leg, so much so that I couldn't see her feet where they were planted on the floor. She was wearing a t-shirt that made me choke on my own saliva when I read it. How had I not seen it before? "Maybe not the t-shirt."

She looked at the t-shirt with a glint in her eye. "Why not?"

"Seriously?" I asked, raising an incredulous eyebrow. "'_Nobody knows I'm a lesbian'_? Are you fucking serious?"

"Yeah." She nodded once, defiantly. "Because look . . ." She reached behind her, picking something up. It looked like a black waistcoat which she slipped over her arms and buttoned together. "Sorted." I looked down at the t-shirt again and saw that with the waistcoat in place, you couldn't see the 'lesbian' bit of the t-shirt, which I was really fucking glad about.

I rolled my eyes, knowing that I was not going to win this argument. "Whatever. But you keep that waistcoat on. I don't want any of those fuckers getting any ideas."

"Wouldn't they get ideas if they don't see it?" She asked as she stood up holding out a hand to me. "I mean, I think they'd back off more if they thought I was a lesbian."

"I wasn't _just _talking about the guys." I stood up and understanding dawned in her eyes. "I'm gonna go and get dressed, okay?" She nodded and pressed her lips to mine again gently before I walked back into her bedroom, not bothering to close the door before grabbing my clothes and making my way into her en suite.

After I was ready to go back to my place, I walked back out to find her trying to scrub the marker off of her arm, achieving nothing but an angry red mark on her arm. The marker was as black as it had been when I got her with it.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, making her jump as I took the sponge and soap away from her. "That shit's not going to come off."

"Not if you don't let me wash it off it won't." She tried grabbing at the sponge again, but I pinned her to the counter with my hips – which admittedly was not a good idea, considering how much I fucking wanted her right now – and held the sponge out of reach.

"Come on." I threw the sponge down out of her reach, grabbing a towel and gently dabbing it on the red mark on her arm. After she dried her hands and grumbled at me a little more, I released her and spun her around, claiming her mouth with my own. Her hands quickly found their way into my hair, gently tugging and pulling, her nails scraping against my scalp, the sensation heading straight for my dick.

"Hmm . . . we like that, don't we?" She noted in a teasing tone against my lips, grinding her hips against mine. She giggled when a growl like sound came from me, warning her to stop.

"Come on." I pulled away from her, grabbing her hand in my own, slipping on my shoes, pulling her out of the apartment.

"Why did you do that?" She asked, clearly confused at my behaviour as she locked the door.

"Because if I hadn't then we would have never left the apartment." I explained placing a hand either side of her head, leaning into her. She stood there frozen, her breathing shallow as her eyes flicked from mine to my lips, eyeing each of my snakebites before her gaze flicked up to my eyes again.

"Is that a bad thing?" She asked, her voice quiet and clearly not as confident as she wanted it to be.

"Not necessarily, but . . ." I leaned forward, brushing my nose along her jaw, listening to her breathing hitch gently as I lowered my voice to a whisper. "You said you weren't ready."

I pushed away from her, walking down the hall towards the elevator, turning back to watch her as she composed herself and scowled at me before following.

"You." She pointed at me as we climbed into the elevator. "Are evil." I laughed at her insistence and she scowled at me again, which only added to my humour.

"I'm sorry." I approached her in the small space, wrapping my arms around her waist as she turned away from me. I turned her around, not giving her the chance to move away from me again. She turned her head away, biting her lip, trying not to smile, but I caught her lips with my own as she moved her head slightly. She sighed in defeat and dropped her miffed attitude, just as the elevator dinged, signalling we were at the ground floor.

The walk and elevator ride to my apartment wasn't that memorable, but then again, seeing as it was a two minute walk, you couldn't really expect much to happen, could you?

I unlocked the door and Nix immediately scrabbled round the corner and launched herself at me, landing on my foot with a loud meow. I picked her up, cradling her against my chest as I let Bella walk past.

"She's probably starving." Bella mumbled and I nodded, stroking her gently.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." I rubbed behind her ear, but she just gave me a look that said 'Sorry later, food now.' The same look that Emmett gave when we'd kept him from dinner for any length of time.

I gently dropped her on the floor next to her bowl and poured in some of her food, which she practically dove into before I'd even pulled the bag away. She didn't like that I hadn't been here either. I hadn't actually spent a night away from her since I got her, so me not being here must have been worrying for her. She wouldn't have slept either, because she was a weird little fucker and didn't sleep unless I was around.

"Weird animal." I mumbled and Bella giggled at her enthusiasm for her food. "What? She is."

"She just missed you, is all." Bella wrapped her arms around my waist before pressing her lips to mine and pinching my ass. I will admit that took me by surprise so I jumped, which in turn, made Bella laugh. "Go get changed."

"I'm gonna jump in the shower quickly as well." I told her and she nodded, settling herself down on a couch, picking up one of the magazines on the coffee table in front of her. I shrugged, walking down the hall into my bedroom.

Stripping off, I jumped into the shower after it got to a reasonable temperature. I didn't even try to wipe off the permanent marker as Bella had done, knowing that it wouldn't be coming off any time soon. Being honest, people probably wouldn't be able to tell that it wasn't meant to be there, the ink on my arms was so thick in the first place.

I stepped out of the shower, wrapping myself in a fluffy towel I had bought recently, because, come on, it doesn't matter what you look like, fluffy towels are the best. Not that I would admit that under torture, but still, what I do in my own home is my business. And maybe Bella's.

I redressed quickly in a pair of dark wash jeans and a plain black t-shirt, not bothering to do anything with my hair except run a towel over it quickly, knowing that it would do absolutely no good whatsoever. My hair was a lost cause, always had been. Actually, when the day came that it actually behaved, then I would be concerned.

I grabbed my jacket, phone, wallet, keys and I.D., because I still got fucking asked for it when buying cigarettes, which fucked me off no end and walked out to where Bella was sitting, still reading a magazine, but a different one this time. She had picked up an edition of a tattoo magazine I had a subscription to. I couldn't remember which one it was, I got so fucking many, but I remembered looking at the design of koi fish she was looking at, mesmerised.

"Hey." I whispered, leaning over and taking her by surprise. I looked down and was surprised to find Nix curled up in her lap, fast asleep. "You've made a friend."

She looked down at her lap and smiled. "She's really sweet." She smiled, leaning up slightly to press her lips to mine as I leaned down on the back of the sofa, my arms crossed. "How did you end up with a cat anyway?"

"Well, Mrs. Norris, down the hallway-"

"That cute little old lady who looked like she was going to belt Emmett over the head with something heavy when he was banging on the door?" She asked, clarifying and I chuckled.

"Yeah, that's her." I nodded and she nodded signalling she knew who I meant. "Well, her cat had a litter of kittens that she really didn't know what to do with. She was expecting her to only have three or four at the most, because her cat's really not that big. Anyway, the cat had eight kittens. I was sat at home one day and there was a knock on my door and Mrs. Norris was standing there holding Nix in her outstretched hand. At first I only took her so I wouldn't upset Mrs. Norris, and I had every intention of taking her to the animal rescue the next day, but she was only tiny and I am not ashamed to say that I fell in love with her."

At that moment, Nix opened her eyes and stretched out in Bella's lap before she noticed me. Upon seeing me standing there, she crept off Bella's lap, not quite stable on her feet after her little nap and tried climbing the back of the leather sofa. I leaned down and lifted her off of the seat, because claw marks are not easy to get out of leather. As soon as I had her in my arms, she pushed her head into my jaw, purring loudly in my ear.

"She's a daddy's girl." Bella smirked, watching the silver tabby as she continued to rub herself against me, clearly not liking the lack of her scent on my clothes and skin and the fact that I hadn't been here last night.

"I know, I know." I stroked her gently as she settled herself against my chest, resting her head on my shoulder. "I missed you, too."

"You are too cute." Bella cooed from the sofa, a huge grin on her face. "You know, anyone who says that you are not an animal person can go to hell."

I smiled to myself and gently placed Nix on the floor. She gave me a disgruntled mewing sound before strutting off down the hall into my bedroom, shaking her ass at the two of us.

"Little hussy." I mumbled shaking my head at my cat as Bella giggled. "Come on." I held out my hand for her own, pulling her up and over the back of the sofa.

"And I couldn't go around because . . .?" She looked at me, her eyes narrowed.

I shrugged, smirking at her. "Takes too long."

"I will never understand how your mind works." She mumbled and I laughed, leading her out of the apartment after making sure that Nix had enough water and food and that her litter tray didn't need cleaning out. That could wait till tomorrow.

We walked the short distance to Eclipse, arms around each other's waists. As we made our way past the shop, I saw that Mae was talking through something with a customer, Jake was with a client and Seth was nowhere to be seen, probably with his own client.

"Did you want to go in?" Bella asked, her eyes wide and questioning. I shook my head, not needing to go in. I would go back in tomorrow, but right now I wanted to be with her and only her. Well, we might be going to a crowded bar, but you know what I mean.

"No." I shook my head again. "They can deal for one night without me."

"Good." She smirked, stopping and lacing her fingers around the back of my neck. "Because I want you all to myself tonight." She pulled my head down, crashing her lips to mine as we stood at the end of the road that lead down to Eclipse. "I'm thirsty." She whispered. "Come on." She grabbed my hand and yanked me down the road. Of course, if I hadn't wanted to go, we wouldn't be going anywhere, but I willingly complied.

Walking into the bar, Bella stood out quite a bit. She was the only one here, that was not covered in piercings or tattoos. Sure she may have a belly ring now, but that was hidden away. In here it wasn't uncommon to be covered in ink from head to toe. And I could tell you the ones that were, seeing I had worked on most of them myself.

"Hey, Jane." I called over the bar, placing Bella on one of the stools, standing in between her legs. "How's it going?"

"Hey, Edward." She grinned at me, as grabbed a beer out of the fridge for another customer. "Been good." She nodded to Bella, giving me a small smirk. "Who's this?"

"This is my Bella." I leaned back into her and she rested her head on my shoulder. "Bella this is Jane. She's a bit of a regular at the shop."

"Hi." Bella held out her hand, which Jane took giving me a wink and a nod that told me 'she's cute'. Let's just say, Jane doesn't really have a preference to which gender she goes out with. I think that's the politest way to put it. She might be a bit forward, but if she knew you weren't interested, she didn't push it any further. Unlike some people I know. Small, about Alice's height with blonde hair and dark brown, almost black eyes, she really was stunning. She was celebrating her year anniversary with her girlfriend Kate next week and had been panicking over what to get her. She didn't know what to do for things like that, because she'd never been in a relationship that long.

"Wait, are you the girl that Tanya and Lauren had a blow up over last night?" She asked and in reaction, Bella turned bright red and tried to hide in my shoulder. I laughed and nodded as she clutched herself to me. "Well, for that, first drink is on the house. I've been waiting for someone to put that bleach blonde slut in her place for years."

"Who, Tanya or Lauren?" Bella asked, her head snapping up. She had gotten to know Tanya quite a bit last night and I had the feeling that they were becoming fast friends.

"Jeez, Lauren." Jane waved her hand at Bella's obvious lunacy over thinking she could think that about Tanya. "I love Tanya. She's one of my best friends. I'm surprised that she hasn't put her in her place before now."

"Me too." I nodded and Bella looked at me confused. I shook my head and gave her a look that clearly said 'later'.

"What you want?" She asked, leaning on the bar.

"What do you want?" I asked Bella and she thought about it for a moment before just deciding to have whatever I had. "Two beers . . ." I left the end open, knowing that a) Jane knew what I wanted and b) Bella would probably freak if she knew what I had ordered. I learned last night that she had had tequila once before and it caused her to do something she would explain. I wanted to know what it was that she'd done. But she wouldn't offer anything up. Even drunk she was tight-lipped. Well, at _that_ part of the evening anyway.

Jane came back a moment later with two beer bottles in one hand and two shots in the other, placing them on the bar with a wink before moving onto the next customer.

"Edward . . ." Bella's tone was uneasy, obviously not used to drinking tequila, as she hadn't done in years. I guess she thought that she wasn't going to like the outcome if she did.

"What?" I looked up at her innocently, acting as if I didn't recall the conversation from the previous night. "You said you'd have whatever I was having, so here it is. This is what I normally get."

"Really?" She asked, her tone disbelieving. I nodded and she looked dubiously at the shot again.

"One shot won't hurt. Come on." I handed it to her and she looked around. "What are you looking for?"

"Aren't you supposed to do it with salt and lemon?" She asked raising an eyebrow at me and I smirked at her.

"You can." I shrugged and she bit her lip. "I never do." I picked up the shot and threw it back, swallowing it as Bella watched her eyes wide. "Simple." I turned around, wrapping my arms around Bella's waist and switched our positions, so that I was sat on the bar stool and she was sat on my lap. "You don't have to do it if you don't want to." She looked at the shot again before shaking her head. I took it from her and drank hers too. "What?"

"You are incorrigible." She laughed and I nodded, pressing my lips to her shoulder as she handed me one of the beers before taking a sip of the second one. "I'm not really much of a drinker so . . ."

"I can tell." I chuckled and she scowled at me, playfully. "I don't mean that in a bad way. Honest. Not everyone has to drink. A lot of people don't."

"Like who?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at me in a challenge.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "Most of the people I know come into the shop and then in here, so . . ." I shrugged again, not really knowing what to tell her.

"Fair enough." She sighed looking around the bar, a scowl forming on her face.

"What?" I asked, nudging her with my nose. She giggled and pulled away from me, giving me a playful glare.

"It's nothing." She shook her head, looking down at the paper she was currently shredding on the bottle.

"You are such a shitty liar." I laughed, placing my bottle on the bar, turning her so that she was facing me. "Now tell me, what's the matter?"

"I don't know." She sighed, looking around again. "It's just . . . being in the shop and then coming here, seeing all these people covered in things that I'm too afraid to do. . ."

"What are you afraid of?" I asked, not really catching her drift. She rolled her eyes, grabbing my arm and pushing the sleeve of my jacket up, displaying the fairy on my arm.

"This." She ran her finger over it gently, caressing it as it were. "I don't know." She sighed again. "I've wanted one done for ages. I even know _exactly_ what I want, _where_ I want it and everything, but I just . . . I don't know." She looked me dead in the eye. "I guess I've just never really trusted anyone enough to do it for me."

This was new. I'd never thought Bella would be one for getting inked. She didn't seem like the type to want something like that. But then again neither did Alice and I've got to fill hers in at some point next week, which reminds me, get Bella to get Alice to call me. Seeing as I don't have her number.

"Would you trust me?" I asked in a whisper before I'd really comprehended what I'd said.

She looked at me, her brown eyes big and wide, taking her bottom lip into her mouth. I gently lifted my thumb and pulled her lip out from in between her teeth, mesmerised by the soft, plump, pink flesh of her mouth.

She leaned forward, her lips brushing tantalisingly against mine, sighing. "Yes." She whispered, before pressing her lips to mine.

"Really?" I asked, pulling back and she nodded, a small smile on her lips.

"Can you?" She asked, looking down at her hands.

"What?" I asked, needing her to clarify what she meant. "Can I what?"

"Can you ink me?" Her eyes were so wide and deep when she looked back up at me and I knew that I wouldn't be able to say no. So I didn't say anything. I just nodded slowly, keeping my mouth closed knowing that I would spout out something incredibly stupid. "When?"

"I don't know." I ran my hand through my hair. "Um . . ."

"Tomorrow?" She asked, her eyes wide and expectant. "When I spoke to Jake earlier he said that you didn't have any major appointments until two in the afternoon. In fact he said you've got one at ten and then not another one until one."

"How is it you know my appointments better than I do?" I looked at her, a smirk appearing on my face and she grinned at me.

"Because I spoke to him earlier, remember?" She flicked me on the head and I shook my head, lightly, trying not to laugh.

"Fair enough." I shrugged, pressing my lips to hers.

"Please?" She whispered again, in my ear before her tongue came out and flicked the industrial I had running through my ear.

"Bella." I growled because she knew exactly what she was doing. I moved away from her and she had an innocent look on her face that wasn't so innocent if you get what I mean. "Don't start something you can't finish."

"Who says I can't finish it?" She shot back.

"Touché." I conceded and she laced her fingers around the back of my neck. "Alright. I'll see what I can do."

She squealed, bouncing in my lap - which was not a very wise idea on her part – causing me to freeze and bite my lip in pain. "Oh, my God." She gasped, wrapping her arms around my neck as she realised that what she was sitting on was in fact _not_ my phone. And damn that shit hurts. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay, baby?"

"Yeah." I nodded but she didn't relax at all, pressing kisses to my jaw and throat every few seconds. "I'm okay, Bella. Love, I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" She asked again and I nodded, pressing my lips to hers gently. "Let's get out of here." She whispered and I nodded. She slid off of my lap, drinking the rest of her beer and I did the same before sliding off the stool and grasping her by the waist and leading her out of the bar.

It was cool and crisp outside and she didn't have anything on other than that fucking t-shirt and her waistcoat. I slipped off my jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders, urging her to put her arms through it.

"But you'll get cold." She argued and I shook my head.

"No, I won't." I wrapped my arm around her waist again. "You forget I've lived in Chicago for the last ten years. I'm used to it. And don't come out with the whole 'We lived in Forks together' bit, because the two places are completely different. Meaning different climates." She didn't argue with me after that. "Besides, it looks hot on you." I grinned and she grinned back up at me.

"It's too big." She moaned, pushing at the sleeves. I would have told her to stop seeing as it would end up bruising the leather, but she looked so damn cute doing it that I couldn't find it in myself to.

"Still looks hot." I stopped, pressing my lips to hers. "Tell you what, it's your birthday soon. I'll get you one all your very own." Again she opened her mouth to argue, but I silenced her with another kiss, this one harder and more forceful than before. "I don't care if you don't want any presents, I've got ten years to make up for here."

"Doesn't mean I have to like it." She grumbled, leaning into my side as we started walking and I chuckled, shaking my head as we walked back to my apartment.

She stopped for a moment as her phone started ringing in her pocket. She pulled it out and groaned slightly, but picked it up anyway. I raised an eyebrow at her, wondering who could be on the other end. "Yes, Alice." Why would Alice calling her cause that reaction? "Yes, I know where he is." She rolled her eyes pointing at me. They were looking for me? "He's with me, giving me very confused stare at the moment." I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out at her and she giggled quietly. She listened for a moment as we walked back to my apartment, rounding the corner. "Yes." She said slowly, carefully. "Why?" She sucked in a deep breath. "Alice, you've got to get him to calm down. It's not going to do anyone any good." What the hell is she talking about? "Alice, get Rose to calm him- It's not? . . . He isn't? . . . Why not?" What? Is she speaking in code or something? "Alright. Alright! Bye, Alice."

"What was that all about?" I asked, slightly curious, slightly worried.

"Emmett apparently has been majorly guilt tripping all day." She explained, looking down at the pavement as we walked.

"What? Why?"

"He thinks that he should have been able to see that something had happened to you." She explained and I bit down on my tongue ring in aggravation. "He thinks he failed as a big brother. Stop doing that!" She whacked me over the back of the head.

"What the hell was that for?" I asked, rubbing where she had hit me.

"Jake told me to do that if you ever start biting down on your tongue ring." She replied, smugly smiling up at me.

"I swear, he just needs an extendable arm." I muttered and she giggled. I sighed, running my hand through my hair. "What am I going to do about Emmett?" I groaned to no one in particular.

"I don't know." She replied, shaking her head and squeezing my hand which was still on her waist, resting on her hip as we walked. "They're at your apartment though. Apparently, he was banging on your door for ten minutes, yelling at you to open up before he realised that you weren't actually in there."

"Dumb shit." I mumbled and she nodded slowly. "I swear if he's scared Nix again, I'm going to rip his balls off."

"You're cute when you're protective of her." She smiled up at me before looking back at the pavement.

We walked across the street to my building, not really rushing.

I led her over to the elevators, my hand on the small of her back, not really guiding but just there. I think I needed the support of knowing that she was there more than she did. What the fuck was I going to do about my fucking brother? Did he not realise that there was no way he could have known? Obviously not seeing as he was standing there across from my apartment, staring at us as we walked down the hall towards them.

"You know what, you're all really lucky that the fucking cops aren't here, hauling your asses in for disturbing the peace." I remarked, sliding my key into the lock and opening my door, scanning the apartment for my cat. I called out to her and she appeared from underneath the sofa, trembling due to fright. She caught a glimpse of the others and struggled to get down so she could go and hide someplace else. I quickly took her into my bedroom, closing the door so I knew that she wasn't going to get out and under anyone's feet. I had to lock it as well, because the little bugger knew how to open doors, didn't she? I quickly walked back out to the main area of my apartment, glaring at Emmett, who had an extremely guilty look on his face. "What?"

"I'm sorry." He mumbled, looking down at the floor, looking ashamed of himself.

"For what?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest and staring him down. "What are you sorry for now?"

"For not seeing-" I didn't let him finish that sentence because this was going to get ridiculous if I didn't stop it now.

"Shut up, Emmett. Just shut the fuck up, alright?" The others all looked at me with mixtures of shock on their faces. Except Bella. She had a look of pride on her face, knowing that I was finally standing up to my family and their pushy ways. "Look, you feel bad about not knowing, I get that, but you know what Emmett? It's because of the choices _I_ made that you didn't. Yes, I tried to talk to you all when it first happened, but after that, you know what? I really didn't give a shit. It doesn't matter that you all fucking know now. It doesn't change anything. It doesn't make it all go away. What would you have done if I had told you all those years ago? Huh? What would you have done? You wouldn't have been able to do anything, because I don't know who did it, so there's no one for you to blame. You say that I should have told you? Told you what? How many times they kicked me while I was down? How long it took them to decide it was me that they were going to fuck up completely? How many times they kicked and punched me until they realised that doing that wasn't as much _fun_ as they wanted? What it felt like when they were laughing at my pain? How it felt when all of them decided that they 'wanted a turn'? How humiliating it was having each of them _rape_ me while the others watched? Or maybe you want to know what it was like at the hospital? Telling them what happened? Finding out that I had to be stitched back together because they'd done so much damage forcing themselves _inside_ me? Is that what you want to hear, Emmett? What about you Rose? You want to know what could have happened to you if someone hadn't found you? You really want to know?"

I stood there shaking with the anger and adrenaline that was rushing through my veins as my family and those who had been my friends before all this had happened. I could feel angry tears pricking at my eyes but I was determined not to let them fall. If I did, then the bastards that had attacked me all those years ago would be winning.

And I would not let them win.

_**Wow, long ass chapter.**_

_**Not really much to say. Apart from REVIEW PLEASE!**_


	11. Two Worlds

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. But I do actually own the 'Nobody knows I'm a lesbian' t-shirt, which some of you found amusing.**

_**I think I got to mention in the last chapter that these two were originally going to be one chapter, but it got pretty gargantuan, so I split it. I don't think you can blame me, can you?**_

_**So this picks up from the end of last chapter, still told by Edward. It's a bit intense at the beginning. I found it works better as a separate chapter anyway.**_

'_They find you,  
Two time you,  
Say you're the best they've ever seen.  
You should've never trusted Hollywood._

_I wrote you,  
And told you,  
You were the biggest fish out here.  
You should've never gone to Hollywood._

_They take you,  
Then make you,  
They look at you in disgusting ways.  
You should've never trusted Hollywood._

_I was standing the wall.  
Feeling ten feet tall,  
All you maggots smoking fags on Santa Monica Boulevard._

_This is my front page,  
This is my new age.  
All you bitches put your hands in the air and  
Wave them like you just don't care.'_

'_Lost in Hollywood' – System Of A Down_

_***~* Edward *~***_

They all stood there staring at me like I had miraculously grown another head. Where the miracle in that was, I didn't know, but hey, it made sense in my head.

Emmett and Jasper's poses were the same. They looked completely shell-shocked, their postures giving away their uncertainty over how to proceed with the discussion – well, discussion is a pretty loose word for what was going on here. More like me yelling at them and them taking it – that was going on.

Alice and Rose were another story. Alice stood there with tears rolling down her cheeks, moving away from Jasper's usually calming touch. Apparently she didn't want it today, not that I blamed her. But Rose . . . Rose had pretty much collapsed and broken down on the floor. She was hunched over, sobbing quietly, a strange noise that sounded like a cross between a hiccup and a choking sound escaping her every so often. I knew what was going through her mind. She was remembering when I came to see her after she was attacked. She was remembering what she'd said to me, what I'd said and probably hating herself for not seeing.

Seeing her on her knees in my living room wasn't something I liked seeing.

She had shrugged away Emmett's hand a couple of times, not wanting him to touch her at the moment, lost in her memories. After the third time he had tried, she'd snapped at him to leave her alone and he'd stopped trying. He knew that when Rose was like this there was no point trying to get through. No one could. Normally at least.

Maybe this time I could.

My gaze flicked from Emmett to Jasper and Alice and then to Bella, nodding my head to the side, indicating down the hallway to the guest room, silently telling them to give us a minute. They all nodded and moved away, apart from Emmett who didn't seem to want to move away from where Rose was still sobbing on the floor. I would have questioned if she had any tears left at this point, if I hadn't spent the best part of a year crying myself to sleep after I was attacked. I knew all too well what she was feeling right now. A glare from me had Emmett moving and he went to follow the others who were following Bella to the guest room. I guessed she knew where it was now. I don't know how because I don't think she'd ever been in there, but was using her power of denomination to work it out. I looked back at them and they knew not to listen in to Rose and I. This was none of their business. Not even Bella could help now as she normally could. Even her soothing, balm-like touch wouldn't help in this moment. Maybe later. But now I needed to deal with Rose.

I cross the room in three short steps, kneeling down in front of her, gently placing my hand on her shoulder and she froze.

"Emmett, if you don't get your hand off of me right now, I swear to God I-"

"It's not Emmett." I said softly and she looked up, her eyes wide and watery.

She didn't look anything like the immaculate Rose I had known for most of my life. She didn't have her make-up meticulously done and her hair wasn't perfectly styled. How she managed to keep herself looking that pristine when she owned and worked in a garage, I will never know. And now was not the time to ask. She looked exactly like that scared seventeen year old girl, who had almost been raped a few miles from her home. She looked frightened and small, only this time, it wasn't herself she was frightened for. It was me.

"I'm sorry." She sniffed gently and started searching in her pocket for something. I grabbed the box of tissues I had gotten out for Bella last week off of the coffee table and offered it to her, glad that I hadn't put it away. I briefly, and I mean very briefly wondered why I hadn't. Normally, I was quite OCD about that type of thing. "Thanks."

"No problem." I smiled, putting the box on the table behind me and settling Indian style in front of her. "What is this, Rose?" I asked, wiping away a tear that was about to fall off of her chin with a tissue I had gotten out to help her a little bit, because she didn't seem to be able to concentrate at the moment.

"I just . . ." She whispered, looking down for a moment, before her eyes gazed over the apartment. "Hearing you say all that . . . what they did to you . . . it hurts, in here." She pressed her hand to her chest, right above her heart, as she spoke. "It hurts to hear what they did to you. And . . . I don't know what to do."

"Hey." I lifted her chin up gently and she looked at me slowly, her blue eyes, normally so bright and fierce, seeming dull and empty without the fire that normally lay behind them. "There's nothing you can do. There's nothing anyone can do. It's happened. It's over. I can't go back and change anything. I've had to learn to live with the choices I've made."

"Have you? Managed to live with them, I mean?" She asked, her tone wary and fragile. I wasn't used to this Rose. I wasn't used to her being so timid and shy in herself. Normally she was fiery, vivacious and in-your-face. She told it how it was, whether you liked it or not. I hadn't seen how she was after she had been attacked, not really being 'allowed' as it were, to be anywhere near her, other than the time she chewed me out for going to tell her I hoped she was okay. I didn't really know how to deal with _this_ Rose, sitting in front of me.

"I don't know." I whispered, honestly. Because I really didn't. I didn't really deal with the emotions I had before I left Forks. I had buried them all down where I figured they belonged, only coming to the surface when I relived the horror of that night in one of my nightmares. I pushed them down, burying them underneath all the crap I had going on with just living at that point. I had never been on my own before, so adjusting to that, whilst carrying around all the crap from home was tough to do. But I seemed to manage well enough. At least I thought I did. "I don't really deal with my emotions that much."

"What do you mean?" She asked, confused, wiping her eyes with the tissue.

"In that year before I left . . ." I took a deep breath, about to tell her something I hadn't told anyone before. "I was very depressed. I know I was. And I know now that I should have done something about it. Well, something more constructive than what I _did_ do, anyway."

"What did you do?" She asked, curiosity and worry permeating through her tone. I didn't look her in the eye and she drew in a sharp breath. "Oh, Edward." The tears started flowing again and I mentally cursed myself.

"It was stupid, I know." I nodded slowly, finally meeting her gaze. "But . . . I just . . ." I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath wondering whether telling her this was a good idea. I figured I'd started so I had to finish. If I didn't then she would only put two and two together and get six. "I was having nightmares every night, I didn't know what to do to get them to stop, I had no one to talk to, which I know I brought on myself by being such an asshat, but . . . I know I should have probably been in fucking therapy or some shit, but I couldn't tell anyone. Not then."

"Why not?" She asked, leaning forward, her blue eyes wide and wondering, reminding me a lot of the way Bella would look at me when learning something new.

"Because I was . . . ashamed. I was fucking ashamed of what had happened to me." I admitted out loud for the first time in eleven years. For the first time since it happened, I'd admitted the real reason for not telling someone out loud, ever. And to Rosalie of all people. Ice Queen of Forks.

"You didn't have to be ashamed." She gently placed a hand on my cheek and I leaned into it, needing the comfort. Any comfort anyone gave me at the moment was welcome, though it might have been a little uncomfortable coming from Jasper. Emmett, not so much as he's my brother, but from Jasper. Little too weird for my liking. Even though he was married to my twin sister.

"It didn't feel that way at the time." I replied, placing one of my hands over the top of hers.

"I'm sorry." She sniffed gently, looking down at the hand that was still placed in her lap. "I'm sorry for what I said to you when you came to see if I was alright after I was attacked. I should have realised that-"

I placed my free hand over her mouth gently, cutting her off in her mini rant. "You 'shouldn't have realised' anything. Like I told Emmett, people didn't know, because I didn't let anyone in." I told her and she nodded slowly understanding what I meant about closing yourself off. I took my hand away from her mouth and she sighed gently.

"I did the same thing." She whispered softly, her gaze meeting mine again. "I didn't let Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, anyone near me for . . . I don't know . . . months. Every time I did, I would just see the guy standing over me and . . ."

"You don't have to explain." I whispered, nodding. "I know."

"I know you do." She gently moved her thumb across my cheekbone, where her hand was still on my face. "And I hate that you do."

"I'm just glad someone found you before he could do anything to you." I told her honestly. No one should have to go through what I went through. No one.

"But no one was there to save you." She whispered in response, her tiny voice cracking on the 'save you' bit. "No one should have to go through that." _Wait, hadn't I just thought the same thing?_

"Thank you, Rose." I whispered and she nodded. I knew that she understood, at least partially the alienation I had been feeling, because she had done it herself. She had walled herself off from everyone, though not to the extent that I had. Everyone still loved her even though she was a bitch to them. It didn't matter to them. I, on the other hand, hadn't been extended the same courtesy. Maybe it was because I was a bit – well, okay, a lot – less forthcoming with what had happened to me. Whereas she had been supported, I had been ostracized.

"Come on." I took her hand, motioning for her to get up. She looked at me, confused and I gave her a small smile. "Well, I don't know about you, but sitting on the floor is fucking uncomfortable and I'd rather sit on a couch, if that's alright."

"Oh." She looked momentarily stunned before giggling lightly.

"What did you think I was going to do?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as she stood up.

"I don't know." She shook her head, looking down. She tentatively wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me close to her in a tight hug. I couldn't remember the last time someone had just stood there and hugged me like this. Other than Bella that is. I wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my forehead on her shoulder, just fucking glad to have some human contact for once that didn't include someone's fist or me holding a tat gun in my hand.

We sat down on the sofa and she leaned against my shoulder, sighing gently. Even though we were pretty close physically at the moment, sitting like this wasn't like sitting with Bella. It was more like sitting with a sister. Rose and I didn't have and would never have that kind of relationship. Apart from the fact that we were in love with other people – yes, I'm in love with Bella, have been for years, haven't you worked that out yet? – we just weren't compatible as a couple. Would never have worked between us.

"How did you do it?" She asked softly after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"Do what?" I asked, slightly confused, wrapping my arm around her.

"Keep quiet about it." She clarified, looking up at me.

"I didn't really have a choice." I replied solemnly and she looked up at me, confusion in her eyes. "When I came back from Port Angeles, I _wanted_ someone to know. I wanted to let it out. I wanted the pain to go away, to stop attacking me in my sleep, to just . . . leave me be, but . . . when I got back, no one seemed interested at all. Everyone thought that I'd been at a friend's for the week, not registering that I didn't actually _have_ any friends in Port Angeles, that I had come back with a broken hand and nose and nobody even asked how it happened."

"You said you were in an accident." She said quietly and I nodded, staring at a loose threat on a pillow that was bugging me.

"Nobody thought to ask what kind of an accident though, did they?" I asked in a whisper, fighting to keep the angry tears back where they belonged. I had become a master at keeping my emotions at bay. I had spent the last ten years teaching myself to remain stoic and unresponsive, but when this lot show up, it's all for nothing.

"We didn't think. . ." She didn't finish the sentence as I felt the front of my t-shirt become slightly damp. I looked down at her and saw that she was crying again, shaking silently. I wrapped my other arm around her and she did the same around my waist.

"Hey." I whispered softly in her ear. "It's okay."

"No, it's not okay." She shook her head, not looking up at me. "It's not okay. We could see that you were hurt and none of us really took any notice. I know that Bella would have. She would have made sure that you were all right instantly and if she had been there that summer, maybe we could have avoided all of this. You wouldn't have moved away and-"

"That's where you're wrong, Rose." I stopped her before she carried on. "I would have moved away. That's one thing that wouldn't have changed. That night changed me. I didn't belong in Forks anymore. I wasn't sure where I _did_ belong, but it wasn't there. I didn't fit in anymore, and I guess . . . I don't know. Leaving . . . it . . . I don't know." I sighed gently, squeezing her gently. "If I hadn't left, I wouldn't be where I am now. I would probably be in med school, or struggling through a residency by now. Now, I'm doing something that I love, and I'm making a lot of money doing it."

"I guess so." She nodded, looking up at me with a small smile on her face. "I'm really proud of you, Edward."

"Thank you, Rose. That means a lot." She had no idea how much it really did mean. Especially coming from her. She had always been the most hardnosed out of the group, cold and icy to anyone she didn't really know. She'd always been like it, even as a child. But once she warmed up to you, she was on your side for life. I could only hope that this meant a new beginning for Rose and me. Putting everything behind us and moving on. She needed that as well, because I had a sneaking suspicion that she, like I had, had been hanging onto some fears about what had happened to her.

I couldn't really judge her for that, as I was guilty of it as well. I still hung on to what had happened to me. If I didn't, I probably wouldn't see it after I closed my eyes at night. It probably wouldn't haunt me like it does. But it did and I didn't really know how to let go of it. That would mean opening myself up and I didn't know how to do that anymore. Just saying what I had to these guys was wearing me down and pretty much scaring the hell out of me. I didn't know how I was going to get through anything else.

Then I reasoned, I didn't have to if I didn't want to. They couldn't _force_ me to tell them anything. Now that they knew the truth – well, as much as I would divulge with them – they wouldn't push. Even though it had been ten years, I knew them well enough to know that they wouldn't push. I knew that they would wait for me to come to them. I didn't know how to tell them that I couldn't do that.

I looked down at Rose to see that she had fallen asleep. I smiled to myself, knowing that she had exhausted herself into getting some sleep. Not that her exhausting herself in the way that she had was a good thing, but you get what I mean. It was good that she was getting some sleep. She obviously needed some sleep. I rested my head on the back of the sofa, going over the last few weeks that I had been in Forks. It was depressing for me to do that, but whatever, they were back in my life and the memories were flooding back whether I wanted them to or not. They wouldn't stay pushed down where they belong.

_*~* Flashback *~*_

_I wasn't surprised to find that everyone had gone out without even letting me know. I was used to it by now. They were pissed with me and everything I had become. I got it._

_What they didn't get was that I wasn't doing it to piss them off. Not intentionally. I was doing it to protect myself from them. From them hurting me. Even though they may not do it intentionally, they would still do it. And I couldn't handle being hurt anymore. I was already scarred on the inside and the outside and I could handle it anymore._

_I sat on the balcony outside my window, half-smoked cigarette in my hand as I looked out into the darkness. I couldn't see the lights of the small town we lived in through the trees, even though I knew it was there. They wouldn't have gone there. They would have gone into Port Angeles. I had heard Alice yelling at Bella to get ready for something earlier, so I knew that going out in Forks wouldn't be on the agenda for them tonight._

_And what was on my agenda?_

_Oh, yeah, right. Sitting at home. Alone. Again._

_I hated that I had done this to myself. I had isolated myself. Blocked myself off from everyone and I didn't think that I could take it anymore. I had to survive through another year of being the only one sat at home on a Friday night. What would happen at Prom?_

_Well, that was simple. I wouldn't go. I knew that._

_Bella and I had always told each other that we'd go to Prom together. It was something we'd agreed on freshman year. But I wouldn't be holding her to that. I wouldn't be going to Prom. How could I go to Prom with someone who hated me?_

_I took one final drag from my cigarette, throwing it out into the darkness, watching the small red dot of the cherry as it flew through the air and went out as it landed on the ground, still damp from the rain earlier in the day._

_I stood up slowly, closing the doors behind me and locking them, because I was paranoid about that kind of shit. Well, considering my past, can you blame me? I flopped down on my bed, burying my face in my pillows and just letting the tears come. Yet again, they were the only escape I had. The only release I could think of in an attempt to ease the pain that I had building and festering inside my heart._

_I must have cried myself to sleep because the next thing I knew, there was a loud banging noise coming from downstairs. I looked out of my window and saw that it was Emmett banging on the door to get in. _Thank God Mom and Dad aren't here._ I thought to myself. If they were, this lot wouldn't have come back at . . . 3:35AM. What the fuck?!_

_I made my way downstairs, towards where Emmett was banging on the door and let them in, making my way through into the kitchen to get something to drink before heading back upstairs._

"_Took you fucking long enough." Emmett snapped as he ushered the others through the door as though the CIA was after them. The rest of them were giggling as they entered the house and I knew that they had been drinking. It wouldn't have been surprising if Emmett had managed to get them some alcohol. Seeing as he was so goddamn big, nobody bothered to ask him for ID. They just assumed that he was twenty one and let him get on with it._

"_Well, if you'd remembered your fucking key, then you wouldn't have had to wait for me to let you in, would you?" I shot back, not really wanting to get into an argument at dumbass o'clock in the morning and really fucking stiff from being asleep in my jeans for so long._

"_You know what, Edward?" I turned to see Bella standing directly behind me, not really focusing on anything and swaying a bit too violently. She was definitely pissed and should probably get to bed before she puked, passed out or did both. "You've become such an asshole in the last year. What the fuck is wrong with you? I mean, we've done nothing but be nice to you, try to be your friends-" She stopped, staring at me when I snorted at her words. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" She copied my snort, standing there with her hands on her hips trying to be menacing when she really wasn't. "Well? You know what?! I don't care. You've got a bug up your butt about something and neither me, or you or any of them are going anywhere until you tell us what it is."_

_They all stood there, forming a line – a slightly swaying line, but a line nonetheless – in front of me, trying to block me in._

"_You want to know?" I looked over at them all as they nodded. I looked down at Bella, moving down so that my face was practically level with hers. "You _really_ want to know?" Bella nodded her head once, exaggerating the movement in her drunken state. "None of your fucking business, that's what."_

"_But . . ." She looked taken aback at the harshness of my words._

"_But. . ." I mimicked her, pissing off the others. "Don't any of you fucking get it?! Piss the hell off and leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you, I don't _need_ to talk to you. Just because she's so pissed that she's about to pass out-" I indicated to Bella, "and the rest of you are more than half in the bag - which is going to be really fucking funny when mom and dad get home tomorrow and you're all fucking hungover – you think that you can come in here and pressure me into telling you what you didn't want to hear out in the first place. That's fucking rich. So you know what? You guys can all piss off to whatever it was you were doing before you decided you were going to play the piss of Edward game."_

_I brushed passed a stunned Bella and walked around the others who were still trying to process what had just happened. I hadn't ever gone off at any of them like that before. Not even when I was really pissed off and hurting in the past. And they didn't know how to process it._

_As I moved past him, Emmett's hand game out and grabbed my right arm, squeezing it painfully._

"_Emmett." I practically growled at him. "Let. Me. Go."_

"_Not a chance." He laughed, shaking his head, turning a murderous glare on me. "Apologise to Bella first."_

"_Let me go." I repeated, more forcefully this time, trying to wrench my arm from his steel like grip._

"_When you apologise to Bella." He tightened his grip and I knew that he'd be leaving marks._

_Like hell I was going to be apologising to anyone. I hadn't actually done anything wrong. I'd just told them, for once in my fucking life, what I was thinking. No holds barred. Hell, they'd been doing the same thing to me for the better part of a year. And they got all high and mighty when I turned it around on them. Like that was fucking fair._

_So instead of apologising, I did the next best thing. Well, at the time anyway. My left fist clenched and I swung it round, making clear contact with the side of Emmett's head, right next to his eye. The force of my blow and the possibility of sheer surprise at my actions, caused him to let go of my arm and topple over with a crash, allowing me to run up the stairs to my room while they all tended to Emmett. Whatever. He'd probably done more damage to me with his grip than I had with my fist._

_Once I was in my room, I locked the door and made my way over to my bed, sitting in the centre of it, looking out of my window into the inky blackness of the night, wondering if this was all that I had going for me. Being threatened and bullied by my siblings and former friends. Did I have anything else to live for?_

_Just as I'd expected about a minute later, two at the most, there were footsteps running up the stairs and Emmett screaming at me, banging on my door._

_I just wanted it all to go away. I wanted my pressuring siblings and those who used to call themselves my friends to go away. I wanted the terrors that I relived night after night in the confines of my bedroom to leave me alone. I wanted the crushing guilt that made itself known every time I told my mother and father that I was fine, when I was screaming on the inside for some comfort, to leave me be. I wanted the pain of knowing what had happened to me, everything they had done to me to just disappear._

_But I knew that would never happen._

_I knew that there was a good chance I would never escape what had happened to me. It would be like carrying a hundred pound weight on my shoulders for the rest of my life. Something I couldn't escape._

_I don't know how long Emmett stood outside my door, shouting at me, or how long I lay in the middle of my bed, in the foetal position, knees brought up to my chest, back to the door, crying as I stared out the window._

_I wanted it all over._

I remembered that night well.

I hated myself that night. I shouldn't have said those things to them, because everything I was saying was the opposite of what I wanted. I wanted them to know. I needed them to know, but I couldn't face telling them. As I'd said to Rose before, I was ashamed of telling them. I was ashamed of what had happened to me. As I still was.

I was aware of hushed voices around, not really registering them but not being able to shut them out either. I was aware that I had been asleep and obviously wasn't completely oblivious to the world anymore, but I couldn't bring myself to attempt to wake up at all.

"Let's just leave them." One of the voices whispered so low that I couldn't register who it was. It wasn't really discernable at all.

"I don't want to leave Rose here." Another voice whispered, but I knew from the words that it was Emmett speaking. Of course he didn't want to leave Rose. Rose was the most important thing in his life. He was never going to willingly leave her anywhere.

"You can't wake her up, Emmett." Someone argued. This was a little louder and I caught Bella's sultry tones flowing through the air. "It's not fair to her. Or to Edward. Look at them, it's obvious that they both found some form of comfort in the other ones presence last night. Considering that what they've been through is incredibly similar."

"Edward just didn't have anyone there t save him." Someone else whispered and I had the feeling it was Alice. Hadn't Rose said the same thing to me before we'd fallen asleep?

"Look, Em." That voice was definitely male. Jasper. "I know that you're not happy about leaving Rose here, but seriously, what's going to happen to her? I mean, Edward's not going to take advantage, is he?"

"I guess not." He sighed and I could tell that he was wearing down. They were playing on his soft points, especially after the last few days. "All right. I'm coming back for her in the morning."

"As long as you don't harass Edward, that's fine." I could hear the smile in Bella's voice as she said that. I heard a chuckle and I knew that Emmett wouldn't be harassing me anymore, especially since my outburst earlier on.

I didn't fight as I was pulled back into sleep, wanting more than anything the gentle lull that it provided.

I woke up to find that I was still on the sofa where I had fallen asleep. There was someone's head resting on my chest, but I knew that it wasn't Bella. She was taller than Bella, and slightly heavier, though I wouldn't say that as I'd like my nuts to remain where they are. I looked down and saw Rosalie's blonde hair fanned out over my chest. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep and I couldn't really bring myself to move in case I woke her up.

"Hey." I heard a soft voice call and I looked over the back of the sofa to see Bella standing there in some black sweatpants and my ACDC t-shirt. "I hope you don't mind I borrowed some of your stuff to sleep in. I didn't have anything else to wear."

"Of course not." I shook my head and she smiled at me, walking over and settling herself down in front of me, her eyes on Rose.

"How are you feeling?" She asked in a whisper running her fingers through my hair.

"Exhausted." I replied honestly and she tilted her head at me.

"Really?" Her tone sounded confused. "Well, you slept pretty hard last night."

"Not physically." I shook my head, leaning into her touch, welcoming it. "Emotionally, you know. I just . . . the last week or so has been hard to deal with and I don't know if I can carry on doing this."

"It's okay, baby." She whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "You won't have to. I think everyone's going to back off now, especially after you little outburst last night. I don't think everybody realised how bad it actually was. I know I didn't." A tear slowly eased its way out of the corner of her eye at the last whisper and I shook my head, gently wiping it away with the pad of my thumb.

"Like I've said before, you didn't know, because I didn't let you in." She nodded, now leaning into my touch. "I didn't let anyone in."

"If you'd given me the chance, I would have listened." She placed a hand on top of mine gently.

"I know." I nodded slowly, looking away from her, down at the sleeping blonde on my chest. "What time is it?"

"It is . . . nine o'clock." She said, looking at her watch. "You have an hour before you need to be in the shop."

"Fair enough." I looked at her and then down at Rose, realising I really did need to get up "A little help, please."

Between the two of us, we managed to ease me out from underneath Rose without waking her up, which was a good thing because a disgruntled Rose was not a happy Rose.

"Finally." Bella sighed, wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling me close to her, resting her head on my chest, listening to my heartbeat. "I've been waiting to do this all morning."

"Fair enough." I sighed, resting my head on her temple.

"Um, Edward." She looked up at me expectantly, as though she was waiting for something. "Do you remember what we talked about last night?" I tilted my head at her and she smiled up at me. "In Eclipse?"

What _did_ we talk about in Eclipse last night? "Me inking you?" I asked her and she nodded, biting her lip gently.

"Will you still do it?" She asked, her eyes and voice tentative. "I mean, if you were only saying that last night to appease me while we were out, I understand but I-"

I cut her off, pressing my lips to hers. A technique that seems pretty damn effective, I might add. "Bella." I whispered, pressing my forehead to her. "I said I'd do your tattoo. And I don't go back on my word. Of course I'll do it."

"Good." She whispered, placing gentle kisses on my nose, cheeks and lips. I couldn't help but chuckle at her movements before she pressed a lingering kiss on my lips, shutting me up. "Because you're the only one I'd want to do it."

"Well, no one else is going to fucking touch you." I ran my nose along her jaw, pressing a kiss to her jugular, before I released her and made my way to my bedroom. I heard her huff as I walked away from her.

Unlocking my door, I let out a yelp as Nix flew past me and into the kitchen. I'd completely forgotten that I'd locked her in there. Poor thing. I'd make it up to her in a minute.

I quickly jumped in the shower, just wanting to rid myself of the icky feeling of sleeping in my clothes last night before dressing and meeting Bella out in the main area of my apartment. She was fussing over Nix, who looked a lot happier now that she was out of my room.

I looked at the sofa and saw that Rosalie was now awake, however she looked incredibly sleepy still as she smiled up at me.

"Morning." She said quietly and I smiled at her.

"How're you feeling?" I asked, picking up Nix, who had come to fuss around my ankles. I gently stroked her as she purred away in my arms and Bella giggled at me.

"I'm alright." She nodded and I knew how she felt. It was obvious that she was still feeling a little down from last night, but I think the sleep helped her.

"We have to head out in a minute." Bella said softly sitting down next to her as she spoke. "Did you want to come with us?"

"Where are you going?" She looked slightly panicked and this was a side of Rose I wasn't sure I liked seeing.

"Edward has to go into work and I'm going in with him." Bella explained and she relaxed a little. "You want to come?"

"Are you sure?" She looked up at me and I nodded.

"Sure." I placed Nix on the floor, who immediately went to her food bowl, scarfing down whatever was left in it. "In that place, the more the merrier."

"Only if you're sure." She stood up and looked at me imploringly.

"Of course you can, Rose." I smiled at her, and she nodded. "They're not going to eat you."

"Well, Jake might." Bella giggled standing up behind Rose.

"Nah, Mae will stop him before he can." I waved her off and Rose looked between us, confused. "Mae is Jake's girlfriend of about . . . forever. As long as I've known him, they've been together. I'm surprised they're not married yet." I'd been wondering that for years but never actually thought to ask Jake. "Mae is basically a slightly bigger version of Alice."

"Whoa." She whispered, nodding slightly. "Um . . . can I have a minute to clean up and then I'll be with you."

"Of course." I pointed her towards the main bathroom where she quickly disappeared.

"Is she okay?" Bella asked, wrapping her arms around me, snuggling into my chest.

"I think so." I _hoped_ so at least. "I just think it's a bit overwhelming for her to suddenly find out that she could have had someone to talk to about what happened to her without even realising it. It's my fault she didn't though."

"Why do you say that?" Bella looked up at me, her brow furrowing.

"Because if I hadn't been such an ass then she wouldn't have had to go through it all alone." I sighed and Bella whacked me on the chest.

"You have to stop thinking like that." She scolded me as a mother would a child that had been caught with its hand in the cookie jar. "Nobody blames you. Not anymore anyway. You behaved in a way that protected you. We get that now."

But did they really? I didn't want to get hit again, so I didn't ask her that question.

Rose appeared a minute or two later, looking slightly more refreshed than she had been when she went in there. "Okay." She smiled at the two of us wrapped up together. "Let's go."

Bella broke her hold on me to go and put her shoes on and grab a jacket that Alice had no doubt left for her. I noticed that she'd gotten dressed and surmised that she must have done while I was in the shower.

"You two belong together." Rose said quietly, so that Bella wouldn't hear. "I think you always have."

"What do you mean?" I asked her, confused as she smiled up at me. I made my way over to the door, slipping on my shoes, grateful that I didn't untie them when I took them off. That would have just meant more effort this morning and I really couldn't be assed with it today.

"The way you two look at each other." She sighed, shaking her head slightly. "And the way you are together. It's how Emmett is with me, or Jasper with Alice. You're supposed to be together."

"Yeah." I sighed, grabbing my jacket. "It's only taken twenty-three years for us to figure out."

"Well, you know what they say. Better late than never."

"What's better late than never?" Bella asked, meeting us at the door.

"Leaving this damn apartment." I chuckled and she looked at me as though she knew that I wasn't telling her the truth. I shrugged and opened the door, waving for them to leave first, checking for Nix at the same time.

During the walk to the shop, Rosalie phoned Emmett, but only got his voicemail seeing as he would most likely be at the garage working. She told him that she was fine and that she had come with Bella and I to the shop. Honestly, I wanted to spend some time with Rosalie. We never had spent that much time together when we were growing up, always seeming to clash about something or other, but now it was like we had this understanding – albeit not a very pleasant one – and we both wanted to build on it.

"Hey, Ed." Jake called from behind the counter, throwing something at me as I entered the shop. I caught it and saw that it was nothing more than a ball of paper. "Hey, Bells."

"Mature, Jake." I said throwing it back to him, which he caught, obviously. "Real mature."

"I know." He shrugged, grinning. "And who's this lovely lady?"

"I'm Rosalie." She smiled at him, holding out her hand. "But most people call me Rose."

"Beautiful name." He took her hand and kissed the back of it, causing her to giggle. She seemed a lot more relaxed than she had been earlier and I wondered where the sudden change had come from. I looked down at Bella and she shrugged, not knowing either. Well, Rosalie was unpredictable, so we'd become used to it over the years. "I'm Jake. I work with the wonder boy over here." I flipped him the bird and made my way towards the counter, grabbing the appointment book from under his nose. "So how's all the shit?" He asked quietly and I shrugged.

"Better, I think." I replied in a voice just as quiet. "I'm hoping it'll work itself out."

"Good man." He grinned up at me from his seat. "Oh, your one o'clock rescheduled."

"To when?"

"Um, Monday, I think." I flipped through the next couple of days and saw that the one I was supposed to be doing at one o'clock today, had indeed been rescheduled for three o'clock on Monday.

"Fair enough." I opened up the filing cabinet next to the desk and pulled out the file for the one I had today at ten. It was only a small piece, but she was a repeat client so it was best to keep a file of what she had had done. Made it easier to remember the style she liked when drawing out the designs. I pulled out the stencil I had done just after she'd come in for her consultation two days ago. It was a butterfly. Not original right? But this one was different. It was made up of two faceless, sexless bodies intertwined in the centre, becoming the body of the butterfly, with water acting as a barrier between them and a wall of fire that was attacking them from both sides. It wasn't very big, and it would take about half an hour, forty-five minutes to complete. Giving me plenty of time to do Bella's tat. If she hadn't rethought it that is.

"Hey, baby." I called to her and she made her way over to me. "You said you know what it is you wanted?"

"Bella?" Rose looked over at her smiling slightly. "You're getting a tattoo?" Bella nodded, grinning before she turned back to me.

"Yeah, I do." She pulled out a memory pen from her purse and I raised an eyebrow at her. "I always keep it in here." I shoved Jake out of the way and placed the memory pen into the drive, allowing Bella to take over and show me the design she wanted. "Here it is." She looked back at me, smiling.

It was a stem of roses, some in full bloom, some not quite open yet. It looked as though it had been drawn out on paper and scanned onto the page.

"Did you draw this?" I asked her and she nodded as I took a closer look. I took the mouse from her and pressed the print icon so I could see it more clearly. Grabbing the paper from the printer, I took a closer look.

"What do you think?" She asked, biting on her lip nervously.

"This is really good." I told her honestly.

"Do you think you can make it into a tattoo?" She asked, her teeth coming down on her lip again.

I reached up and eased her lip out of her mouth, looking down at her. "I think I might be able to." I answered in a mocking tone. She glared at me playfully and whacked me on the arm. "No, I think I can." I looked up at the clock and saw that it was only half nine, leaving me half an hour until my ten o'clock arrived. "Gimme a couple of minutes to work out a sketch and then you can see what you think."

"Okay." She grinned at me, pressing her lips to mine before she bounded down the step to where Rose was sitting.

I sat down on the chair Jake had vacated and grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil, keeping Bella's drawing close.

I partially listened to the girls as I drew, trying to keep as close to Bella's original drawing as I could, but making a couple of changes that I thought would work better. I heard the bell go on top of the door and looked up thinking that my ten o'clock was early, but sighed when I saw that it was only Mae with the coffees from down the street. She placed the coffee tray on the counter next to me and made her way over to Bella, chatting excitedly. She seemed really interesting in meeting Rose, who handled her excited nature well, which was easy considering she was best friends with Alice.

"Bella." I called her over once I had completed the sketch to my satisfaction. She made her way over to where I was sitting and looked at it over my shoulder, sucking in a deep breath before hugging me from behind and pressing kisses to my neck.

"I love it." She whispered in my ear, sending chills down my spine and forcing all the blood that was previously inhabiting my brain to flow straight down to my dick. "Can you do it today?"

"Um, I should think so." I croaked out just as my client walked through the door. _Great. Now I have to greet her with a titanium dick._ She smiled and waved at me from where she was standing in the doorway. "Gimme a minute and I'll be right with you. Why don't you go and wait in the back room." I gestured towards the room I generally used and she nodded, walking past me and Bella, who still had her arms around my neck. "Bella." I growled and she giggled. "That's not a nice thing to do."

"Need some help getting rid of it?" She whispered seductively in my ear, which was not conducive to getting ready to tattoo someone. "Emmett naked doing the salsa."

And limp dick.

"That worked." I told her and she giggled, standing up straight, waiting for me to do the same. "I'll be out in a bit." I quickly pencilled Bella in for directly after this appointment before turning around again. I pressed a kiss to her lips, before grabbing the stencil I had already made up for this appointment and making my way into the back room.

"She's cute." The girl, Bree said as she sat in the chair, waiting for me. "She your girl?"

"Yeah." I nodded, unable to stop the smile that passed across my face. "Yeah she is."

"How long have you been together?" She asked as I busied myself preparing my station and pulling on a pair of gloves.

"Not long." I answered as I sprayed the area I knew she wanted done with antiseptic and gently ran a freshly opened razor over it. "But we grew up together, so we don't have the awkward, getting to know you stage."

"I love that stage." She smiled down at me, as I wiped away the residue hairs before spraying the area again and grabbing the stencil. "You know, the whole discovery part of a relationship. It's new and fun."

"That where you want it?" I asked, peeling off the stencil and handing her a mirror. She nodded, smiling and leaned back again. "I don't know." I shrugged, turning on the gun and dipping it in the ink. "I'm not really a fan of that stage." Never having been through it, though I wasn't going to tell her that. "I prefer actually knowing a person. You know, all the little quirks and habits that they have. That okay?" I asked her, wiping away the residue ink and she nodded.

"Well, I guess everybody's different, aren't they?"

"I guess so." I couldn't really argue with that. Everyone _was_ different and it didn't matter how well you knew a person, everyone changes over time.

The tat on Bree didn't take long and with the two of us throwing banter back and forth, as we'd always done in our sessions, it seemed to pass even quicker than it really was. This was Bree's fifth tattoo by me and sixth overall and she always seemed to be coming back for more. Each of her designs was original to her and her artwork was something I didn't mind having my name attached to. It was the generic boring ones that I hated doing.

Forty minutes later, I was placing gauze over her fresh tat and reminding her about the proper aftercare. She rolled her eyes at me and told me to shove it. That she knew what she was doing. I couldn't help but laugh at her response, because it was the same every time. Bree was one of the only girls I knew that didn't try anything on with me. Other than Rose, Alice, Jane and Tanya that is. But I think that was because she was completely head over heels for her boyfriend Riley. Who happened to be the guy I was supposed to be inking at one o'clock today.

"Hey, you got any idea why Riley rescheduled?" I asked her helping her up out of the chair.

"Um, his mom's out of town, so he's having to take care of his baby brother for the next few days." She explained, pulling her shirt down, covering the gauze. "And a place like this is not a place you want to bring a six year old."

"No." I agreed with her, leading her out into the main area.

"Be careful with this one." She winked at Bella, who looked between the two of us. "He's pretty hands on." I rolled my eyes and shook my head at her and Bella smiled at the two of us.

"She's messing with you." I told her and she grinned, nodding.

After Bree paid and left, I held my hand out to Bella, and she quickly ran into my arms. "Are you sure about this?" I asked her and she pressed her lips to mine.

"Definitely." She replied in a whispered, running her nose up and down my jaw before pressing a kiss to the pulse-point in my throat.

"Okay, then." I nodded, trying to stay calm. "Give me a minute and I'll get a stencil made up."

"Um, Edward." I turned to face Rosalie who was looking a little sheepish. "Would it be okay if I came in? You, know, to watch?"

"Sure." I nodded looking down at Bella. "If Bella says it's okay."

"Please." She rolled her eyes. "Rose has seen more of me than _you_ have." I raised my eyebrows at her and she flushed so quickly and so brightly I didn't think I'd ever see that porcelain skin I loved so much again. "That came out wrong." She buried her head in my shoulder.

"I'll say." I looked at Rose again. "I'm guessing it's okay. Bella?" I looked down at her and she peeked up at me through the curtain her hair had made. "Where do you want it?"

"Um, my side." She bit her lip again, her eyes wide as though I was going to argue with her.

"Alright." I motioned for the two of them to make their way to the back room while I got the stencil made up.

"You inking Bella?" Jake asked and I nodded, cutting the excess paper away from the design. "Cool."

"See you later." I grinned at him and made my way to the back room where Bella was sitting on the chair, legs swinging back and forth and Rose was sitting on the stool Bella had sat on while Alice was getting her tattoo done.

After I'd closed the door, I made my way over to a cupboard in the corner of the room, grabbing a towel for Bella to cover up with, because she was going to have to remove her shirt. Something I wasn't complaining about but I didn't want to push it. Especially with Rose here. "How far up do you want it?"

"Um, I want it so it comes down here, and kind of loops up over my hip to the back." She indicated where she wanted it with her finger, and I knew that she was going to have to strip completely from the waist up and undo her jeans for it. "Let me guess, you need me to strip, don't you?"

"Would be helpful." I joked, trying to distract myself at the moment. If only Rose wasn't in the room. "It's not like I can tattoo you through your clothes, is it?"

"I guess not." She pulled off her waistcoat and t-shirt and I handed her the towel as I sat down, and grabbed a new razor, needle and pots of ink. "All ready." She sang from where she was in the chair as I was pulling on a new set of gloves. I turned to see her sitting in the chair, mostly covered by towel, leaving her side exposed, including the swell of her breast. I closed my eyes and gulped slightly, hoping it wasn't noticeable.

"I need you to lower your pants a little as well."

"Moving a bit fast there, aren't you, Edward?" Rose laughed, holding the towel in place as Bella undid her jeans and slid them down.

"Very funny, Rose." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Is that okay?" Bella asked looking at me expectantly.

"Perfect." I whispered softly. "Lift your arm." She moved her arm out of the way of her side and made a tiny squealing noise as I sprayed the antiseptic on her side. "Cold?" She nodded a little. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry." She smiled at me as I carefully shaved the area, asking her to roll over slightly so I could get to the area of her back that the tat would cover.

I wiped the residue hair off, before I placed the stencil on her side. "You want to take a look?" I motioned to the full length mirror hanging on the wall and she bounded out of the chair to take a look. I don't think I'd ever seen her so excited about anything and from the look on Rose's face, she hadn't either.

"It's perfect Edward." She whispered, walking over and pressing a kiss to my lips before settling back in the chair. "Oh, one thing. Where there's no shading in the petals of each rose, I want there to be a bit of colour."

"Okay," I nodded as I prepared the needle. I noticed that she wasn't watching what I was doing, focusing on the stencil on her side. Still hates needles, huh? "What colour?"

"Well, on all of them, except this one." She pointed to the biggest one that was placed on her back. "I want yellow. But on this one, I want red instead."

"Okay." I turned around, grabbing the yellow and red dye so that I had easy access to it when I needed it. Hopefully this wouldn't take too long to do. I didn't want her in pain for longer than necessary. "Okay, I need to lie you flat." She jumped slightly as I adjusted the chair so that she was lying flat. "You ready?"

"Mhmm." She nodded and I could tell she was nervous.

"Hey." I whispered. "Don't worry. I'll be as gentle as I can."

"I trust you." She whispered, holding onto Rose's hand.

"I'm going to start on the area around your hip, so that part's done, but I'm going to need you to roll onto your side in a little while, okay?" She nodded and I started the gun, clicking the remote for the stereo as I did so, hoping to drown it out with some Skillet. I knew that she liked Skillet so I hoped it would calm her down a little.

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes, but still jumped a little when I pressed the needle to her skin, being as gentle as I could with her.

"How's that?" I asked after I'd done a small line, starting off the base rose next to her hip, wiping away the residue ink

"Okay." She nodded, looking down at me, smiling.

"You need to tell me if it gets too much, okay. If it gets too painful, we'll stop." She nodded and closed her eyes again as I resumed, pressing the needle to her skin again.

Time seemed to pass quickly as I continued with the outline, letting her know when I needed her to roll onto her side so I could move onto her back. I hoped that she wasn't in more pain than she was letting on, because if she was, I couldn't handle that.

"Okay, time for a break." I announced, turning off the gun and she looked at me with wide eyes.

"I'm okay, really." She frowned at me as I smiled at her.

"Love, we've been in here for over an hour." She looked at the clock and her expression changed to one of understanding. "Now, I've done the outline but I still need to do the shading and add the colour, which is going to be more painful, so it's best if you have a break now before I get started."

"Okay." She sat up, wincing slightly as she turned to look at the ink on her side.

"I have to say, Edward." Rose said quietly, looking over the outline on Bella's side. "I thought Bella and Alice were exaggerating, but you really are incredible."

"Thanks, Rose." Hearing those words made me feel good coming from anybody, but hearing them from Rose was like hearing them from a whole other level. It took a lot to impress Rose, but knowing that I had done just that, well . . . it made me feel good. I grabbed a spare shirt that I had in one of the cupboards and handed it to Bella, knowing that she might be interested in a bathroom break. She winced slightly as she put it on, stretching out the skin on her side, but other than that she seemed to be okay. She quickly made her way out of the room, making her way towards the bathroom and I couldn't help but chuckle. She really _did_ need a bathroom break. "How's your hand?" I asked her and she smiled.

"It's okay." She flexed her fingers lightly and grinned. "Yup, still works."

"Good." I nodded.

"You're probably thinking that she's hurting more than she's letting on, don't you?" How the hell do these girls know what I'm thinking? "I can see it in your eyes."

"Well, she has been known to do that." I sighed and she nodded.

"It really is gorgeous, Edward." She smiled at me again. "I can only imagine what it's going to look like when it's done."

"Well," I shrugged, trying to remain nonchalant about the whole thing. "I try."

"Uh-huh." She laughed lightly, checking her phone.

"No word from Emmett?" I asked her and she looked up at me.

"He texted earlier to say that it was back to back at the garage, but for me not to worry about it. I feel bad that he's there on his own, but I know that he'd probably just tell me to go home and get some rest if I went there."

"Difficult guy to understand, is Emmett." I chuckled and she nodded.

"Can be." Her eyes roamed the walls where several photographs of my previous work was displayed. "But other times, he can be extremely easy to read."

"It's the same with anyone though, isn't it?" She looked at me, understanding in her eyes and nodded. She knew what I was talking about when I said that. Not many people would understand the real meaning behind my words but she did.

When Bella came back into the room, I made sure that she was alright to continue and she, in true Bella fashion, rolled her eyes, told me to man up, took of the shirt, covered herself up and lay back down. I couldn't help but chuckle at her, wondering what I'd done to deserve someone like her.

She seemed to be in more pain throughout the shading, but I had warned her. I still felt extremely bad knowing that she was in pain because of what I was doing to her, but at the same time, I wouldn't want anyone else to be in my place right now.

Filling in the shading and adding in the colours that she'd specified took another hour and a half which was longer than I'd really wanted, but that couldn't be helped. I was glad when I'd done the final stroke of yellow in the top rose, because then I could turn off the gun and know that she wouldn't be lying there in pain anymore. She would be sore for the next few days, but she could ease that with painkillers. The pain of the actual tattooing process couldn't really be helped.

"And we're done." I told her, turning off the gun and laying it down on my station. She looked at me with a huge smile on her face as she turned and sat up. "Careful, love."

She climbed off of the chair, slightly wobbly from being in the same position for as long as she had and made her way over to the mirror again.

She turned back to me, her eyes swimming with unshed tears. "Edward . . ." Her voice came out as a whisper. "It's perfect. Thank you." She walked across the room, pressing her lips to mind, completely forgetting about the towel and wrapping her arms around my neck. I placed my hands on her hips, being careful of the fresh ink. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." I whispered, picking up the towel that had landed in my lap and handing it back to her.

I rubbed some Tattoo Goo onto it before covering it in gauze and allowing her to get dressed.

"Because of where the top of the tat is, you won't be able to wear a bra for the next couple of days." I told her and she shot me a sneaky smirk.

"And you're complaining about that?" She shot back and I shrugged.

"Not really." I smirked back and Rose chuckled. "What?"

"You sound just like Emmett when you say that." She shook her head and I shrugged again. I can't help it, can I?

"You can wear the shirt that I gave you earlier, if you think that'll be more comfortable." I told her and she nodded, throwing on the shirt and doing up her jeans. As she dressed I finished tidying up my workstation and lead the two of them out to where Jake and Mae were sitting, wrapped up in each other, as usual. "Where's Seth?" I asked them and they broke apart, somewhat unwillingly.

"In with a customer." Mae said, slipping out of Jake's hold. "I'm going on a sandwich run, you guys want anything?" She looked at Rose and Bella, waving me off. "I know what _you_ want." I stuck my tongue out at her and she retaliated in the same way.

"They're so grown up in here." Bella rolled her eyes, laughing along with Rose.

Watching the four of them interact, I knew that this was what I'd been searching for for a long time. Something to bring the two worlds I'd known together. I just hadn't realised it until this moment. And who knew that it would be my art that would bring them together?

And how long would it last before it all came crashing down on me?

_**Now you see what I mean when I say it would have been a gargantuan chapter?**_

_**Hope you enjoyed. I'll be putting up a link to the tatt Bella had done ASAP, but it's just black and white. The large rose at the back is the one with the red in it, all the others are yellow. The reasoning will be explained in the next chapter or so.**_

_**Gimme some reviews please. I love them so.**_


	12. A Taxing Day

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. But I have just learned how to play Bella's Lullaby on the piano. I'm proud of myself :D**

_Don't be aroused by my confession  
Unless you don't give a good goddamn about redemption  
I know Christ is comin', and so am I  
And you would too if this sexy devil caught your eye_

She'll suck you dry  
And still you'll cry, to be back in her bosom  
To do it again  
She'll make you weep  
And moan and cry, to be back in her bosom  
To do it again

(Pray) Til I go blind  
(Pray) Cause nobody ever survives  
Prayin' to stay in your arms just until I can die a little longer  
Saviours and saints, devils and heathens alike  
She'll eat you alive

'_Rev 22:20' - Puscifer_

_***~* Bella *~***_

It had been four days since Edward had done my tattoo and he had been right when he said that it would be sore and that I wouldn't be able to wear a bra.

But then again, this was what he did for a living and had done for years, not to mention the fact he's covered in them. I'd say he's a bit of an expert, wouldn't you? I shouldn't really question him on it, should I?

I still wasn't able to wear a bra, because it was slightly tender, but he had bought me some tensor bandages so that I wouldn't be 'flopping about all over the place', as Rose so eloquently put it. And I definitely needed them today. Being without sufficient underwear was making me even more nervous than I had been initially. Today was my first day of teaching and I, as Edward would say, was shitting myself.

I sat up in bed and looked down at the sleeping man next to me. He was glorious, even in sleep.

Even though we hadn't done anything other than kiss and cuddle since the impromptu blow job I had given him the previous week, we hadn't been one night without each other and I didn't think I ever wanted to sleep without him again.

He moaned gently in his sleep, causing me to smile as he shifted. I knew that he was still asleep because of the gentle fluttering of his eyelids betraying the fact that he was dreaming. At least these seemed to be peaceful dreams. The ones in the nights before this were not so pleasant and it broken my heart for him to be going through that. Especially when sleep was supposed to be the one reprieve from the tortures of the mind during the day.

Having to coax him through those dreams and the aftermath once he woke up was heartbreaking and painful for me. I had no idea what it was like for him.

I remembered the first night it happened. I had been completely freaked out and didn't have a clue what to do.

_*~* Flashback *~*_

_We had just gotten back from the shop. It seemed that it didn't actually close until late, between ten and ten thirty, they said, depending on whether or not they have a client in at that moment. I asked them why and was given the pretty obvious answer that not everyone who wants to get inked can do it between the hours of nine and five, like most business hours, because they're at work. So they come in later able to spend however much time they need to on the design. That felt like an obvious answer really._

_I had decided that I would stay at Edward's that night – a plan he had absolutely no qualms about at all – because he would know how to care for my new tattoo, which was absolutely gorgeous, but then again I didn't expect anything less after seeing his work in the albums in the shop and watching him work on Alice's and purely because I didn't want to be away from him._

_I, personally, loved Edward's bed. It was so large and soft, covered in silken sheets, which I suspected might be Egyptian, but I didn't want to say anything in case they weren't and I felt like an idiot. I might have had to share Edward with a six month old cat, but hey, I can make some sacrifices. What made it even better was that it smelled of Edward. Of course, the best thing was that Edward was in it when I was. And I didn't want to spend another night away from him. I knew that I was moving too fast, but hey, I can't help what I feel, can I?_

_I woke up, not feeling Edward's arms around me or his legs entangled with mine, like I had spent the last few days enjoying and becoming used to. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 2:39AM, which confused me._

_I looked towards Edward's side of the bed and saw that he was still there, but I had never seen him this way before. He was curled up, on his side, arms around himself his fingers digging into his biceps. But it wasn't his position that was worrying me the most._

_It was the wracking sobs, tears and tremors that were running through him. I placed my hand on his shoulder and he flinched away from my touch, without opening his eyes. I shifted closer to him and saw that his eyes were moving rapidly behind his eyelids._

_He was still asleep._

_And then it hit me. He was having a nightmare._

_But this was a nightmare unlike anything I had ever seen. During our many sleepovers, I'd had to wake Rosalie up from nightmares, but those had been calm and serene compared to watching Edward at the moment._

_He was sobbing in his sleep, muttering and mumbling as his grip on his arms tightened. His fingers were going to leave bruises that would be visible to the world if it hadn't been for the ink that ran in thick bands around his arms._

"_Edward." I whispered softly, gently running my hand up and down his arm, barely touching him. He didn't flinch away from me this time, but he didn't register my touch either. "Edward, baby." I felt my eyes welling up and hot tears start running down my cheeks. I made my touch on his arm slightly more forceful and he shuddered again, trying to move away, but I didn't let him._

_I sat up, moving closer to him, running my fingers through his hair, trying to coax him out of his subconscious._

"_Edward, sweetheart." I leaned down, pressing my lips to his cheek that was slick with sweat and tears. "Please Edward, baby. Come back to me, baby. Come back to me, sweetheart."_

_The worst thing was, knowing that it wasn't just a nightmare he was having. It was history repeating itself through his subconscious. And he couldn't escape it. If it was a memory when he was awake, then he could push it back down and deal with it at a later date, but in his dreams – or nightmares, I should put it – there was no escape._

"_Edward, love." I gently placed a hand under his head as he shook and sobbed next to me. I gently lifted his head and rested it on my chest, needing to have him close to me, hoping that I could somehow pull him out of his horrific past. "Edward, please, wake up, love." I pressed my lips to his forehead, feeling more tears run down my cheek as I ran my fingers through his hair._

_Without warning his eyes flew open and he tore himself from the bed, disappearing into his bathroom._

_I followed him, throwing the comforter off of me and running into the bathroom to find him hunched over the toilet, tears still streaming down his face. I made my way over to him, putting my hands on his back but he shrugged me off. I knew I shouldn't have felt hurt, seeing as he was the one in pain at the moment, but I couldn't help it._

"_Don't." He whispered, shaking his head gently, not looking at me._

"_What?" I asked him, my voice barely above a whisper. "Don't what?"_

"_I don't want you to see me like this." He closed his eyes, hitting the flush on the toilet and sitting back against the wall. "I don't ever want you to see me like this."_

"_Well tough." I sat down next to him, placing a hand on his, gently intertwining my fingers with his. "Because I'm not going anywhere." He looked up at me, his eyes shining with disbelief. "I'm not." I shook my head. "I mean, I have to go back to my apartment at some point because otherwise I'm going to have to start wearing your clothes, but me . . . this . . ." I indicated our joined hands. "This is here to stay. For as long as you'll have me."_

"_Well, then you're not going anywhere." He sighed, resting his head on my shoulder. I buried my nose in his hair which was slightly damp with sweat, but still smelled gorgeous. How can someone do that?_

"_Good." I closed my eyes and sighed gently. "Because I don't want to go anywhere." I pressed a kiss into his hair, feeling him relax a little more at the action. "You okay?"_

_He looked up at me, and I could see in his eyes that he was silently begging me not to push him. Not to talk about it. I wouldn't push. If it was what he needed, I wouldn't push, especially not now. Not when he was so vulnerable like this. It was strange. Seeing this man, who looked so strong on the outside, seeming dangerous to those who didn't know him, what with all the piercings and tattoos and his chosen profession, so vulnerable and in need of comfort. It was strange._

_I knew that this was what he had needed eleven years ago. That whatever support and comfort he had been receiving over the last couple of days should have been happening that summer after he was attacked. Dwelling in the past, saying that I should have noticed, wasn't going to do Edward any good now. All I could do was help him through the ordeals he was facing now. After so long, having the reminders of his past coming back into his life had stirred something in him. And it wasn't going to be too long before something happened to bring his world crashing down. I knew that, and I was dreading it._

_I wanted to help him through it and help to put it off for as long as possible. I hated seeing him like this, and I would gladly never go through it again. But I knew that this wasn't going to be the case as he laid his head back down on my shoulder, sighing gently._

_*~* End Flashback *~*_

I wanted to help him. So much, but I didn't have a clue what I was doing. What the hell was I going to do to help him through this? The walls that he had put up to protect himself, that were still erect were strong and thick and it would take more than a wrecking ball to get through them.

I only wished that I could.

If he would let me, then I would chip away at them, bit by tiny bit, hoping to find some semblance of hope inside that beautiful mind of his. Because I knew how incredible he could be when he was truly happy. And I suspected that he hadn't felt actual happiness for a long long time.

As I watched him, he stirred gently, his eyes fluttering open, revealing his beautiful green orbs to me.

I reached down, gently running my fingers through his hair as he leaned into my touch. "Morning." I whispered and he smiled up at me, seeming completely serene at the moment.

"Morning." He turned onto his back and stretched out, nearly falling off the bed as he did so. "Oops." He smiled at me and I couldn't help but giggle as he rolled over, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Big day today." He mumbled, talking to my stomach.

"Don't remind me." I sighed and looked up at me, slightly puzzled.

"What's the matter?" He asked, shifting slightly so that his arms were on either side of my waist, resting his weight there.

"I'm fine." I tried to smile at him, but it probably came out as more of a grimace. "I'm just nervous, that's all."

"Don't be." He said softly, giving me a gentle smile. "You're gonna be great. It's not like it's your first job, is it?"

"No," I sighed gently, pressing my forehead to his lightly. "But this isn't like what you do. I mean, I doubt you were this nervous when you did your first tattoo."

"Are you kidding?" His eyes were full of amusement as he chuckled lightly. "I was shitting it. I've never been so nervous in my whole life."

"Really?" I found that hard to believe. He seemed so confident when he was doing my tattoo yesterday and he laughed when I told him so.

"That's because I've been doing it for nearly ten years." He gently tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "If you'd seen me when I first started, you wouldn't think that I would ever get the hang of it."

"Well," I sat up a little more, linking my hands behind his neck not caring about the morning breath that both of us no doubtedly had. "I'm glad you did. Or else, this," I indicated my side. "Wouldn't look absolutely perfect."

"Are you going to tell me _why_, the roses?" He asked, tilting his head lightly.

"Well, you know I love roses." He nodded once, not catching my drift yet. "Well, the yellow rose means friendship and the red rose means love and romance."

"Yeah." He nodded slowly, still not catching on.

"The yellow roses are for our friends." I hoped that he didn't miss the word 'our' in that sentence, because they weren't just _my_ friends. They were _our_ friends, whether he realised it or not. "You know, Rose, Alice, Jasper and Emmett."

"And the red one?" He asked, gently running a finger up my side over the cellophane that he had placed on their last night. "Who's that for?"

"You." I whispered, hoping I wouldn't freak him out at all. I know what that meant and I knew that he would see it for what it meant, especially since I had told him what the colour meant.

"Me?" He asked, his brow furrowing and I nodded slowly.

"It's always been you." I whispered, pressing my lips to his gently. He seemed stunned as I pulled away, looking into his eyes. "I know you're probably not ready to hear the words yet and I'm not ready to say them. But know that . . . it's always been you. Other guys in my life . . . well, Alice and Rose said that they were test runs for the real thing."

"They _would_ say that." He shook his head lightly, pulling up the tank top I was wearing so he could see the red rose on my side. It was easily the largest one on my skin, just as I'd planned it to be. He removed the cellophane gently and brushed his fingers over it, barely touching the skin. "Is that really for me?" His whispered voice sounded like he didn't believe me. Like it was something that could only happen in a dream. When the truth was _I _was the one that should be waking up soon. It's _me_ that's living out her dream of finding Edward again. Of being let back into his life. Not him. He has nothing to worry about, because as long as he wants me here, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.

"It is." I nodded, kissing his temple as he gazed at the rose, seeming stunned again. "It's you. Completely and utterly. It always has been."

He looked up at me, his eyes wide with an emotion I couldn't place. I didn't know how to. It looked like a mix between confusion, passion, love and fear. I didn't want the first and the last emotion to be there. I wanted to see nothing but good in those eyes. I wanted the horrors that haunted and swam just below the surface to disappear. And I wanted to be the one to help him do that. It was going to take a lot of time, but it would be worth it.

"I thought . . ."

"Thought what?" I asked as he trailed off in his thought. He shook his head, sitting up, but not breaking contact with my skin. He kept his arms around my waist as he settled back into the pillows next to me. "What?"

"I'd never thought you'd feel that way." He admitted quietly, not looking at me, but finding the patterns on his comforter very interesting. "Especially about me. I thought . . . all this time . . . that it was only me . . ."

"All this time?" I asked, confused.

"Would you believe me if I told you that it's always been you?" He looked up at me, his emerald eyes swimming with fear. Fear of being rejected. "That no one else has had my heart. That you've had it ever since you stumbled into my life when we were three." He sighed, shaking his head slowly. "Even if I didn't know it."

"Really?" I asked, my voice unnaturally high from hearing his confession. "Well aren't we the observational pair." I laughed and he chuckled along with me. "It seems that everyone else noticed though."

"What do you mean?" His brow furrowed in confusion at my words and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Well, didn't you ever notice the sly little looks that the others would give each other when we'd say, I don't know, curl up on the sofa to watch a movie, or go out for a walk on First Beach, just the two of us?" I smiled at his thoughtful expression, trying to remember. Suddenly a small smile graced his lips and I knew that he was remembering what I was.

"Like the time the others went out, but had conveniently ordered Chinese food. Just enough for two people." He smirked at me and I nodded.

"I remember that time." I laughed. "I don't think they were expecting us to have eaten the food and passed out on the sofa watching Hannibal though, do you?"

"No, I don't." He chuckled and I loved hearing that sound. What I wouldn't give to hear a full blown laugh come from Edward. It had been so long.

Right. That was my mission for the week. Get Edward to laugh properly. At something, anything. It didn't matter what. It had probably been so long since he had laughed properly and I wanted to hear it. Like they said, laughter can sometimes be the best medicine. That's right, isn't it? Just hearing that sound would be absolutely glorious.

"Seems we didn't need their interference though." I sighed brushing his fringe out of his face.

"Nope." He popped the 'p' gazing out the window. "All we needed was for me to disappear for ten years. That's a great relationship builder."

"Stop it." I gently whacked him on the arm and he sighed.

"I'm sorry." He rested his head on my shoulder gently and I nuzzled my nose into his hair, smelling his glorious scent. "I can't help it. I just . . ."

"You just nothing." I stopped him right there. "You." I poked him in the chest and he flinched away from my nail. I'll admit, ever since Alice got me acrylics I haven't been able to bite them down. They hurt my teeth, and they were sharp, so it's understandable that he would move away from them. "Have done nothing wrong. We see that now. So now, _you _have to see it." He sighed gently, so me being me, did exactly what he wasn't expecting. I climbed on top of him, straddling his waist, his arms trapped underneath my knees. He weren't going nowhere. Well, he probably could if he really wanted to, but I just hoped that he wouldn't. "No." I scowled down at him, placing my hands on either side of his head. "I know you don't believe it, though I don't have a clue why not, but nothing, I repeat _nothing_ is your fault. Yes, you might have acted like a dick, but so did the rest of us. We're all to blame. Us more than you. We're the ones that didn't listen to you and even though we should have, we didn't and we can't take that back now. But I'm sure as hell going to be listening from now on. And I think the others are too. Even though we should have been there for you eleven years ago, we're here for you now. And we're not going anywhere. So stop blaming yourself."

"Thank you." He whispered gently, his eyes softening after my little speech. I just hoped that he would take it to heart. He closed his eyes for a moment and it seemed as though he was concentrating on something.

"Are you okay?" I asked, leaning back, causing his jaw to tighten.

"Yeah." He almost moaned. "It's just, you being all assertive and all that shit is really fucking sexy."

"Really?" I asked, slightly confused.

"Hell, yeah." I couldn't help the smile that made its way onto my face as I shifted, causing him to hiss slightly.

That was when I felt it. How I hadn't felt it before, I didn't know. Maybe it was because I was so focused on getting Edward to hear me. But still, _that_ shouldn't have escaped my notice. I mean, it felt like it was trying to attack me.

"So . . . you like when I'm assertive, huh?" I bit my lip gently, leaning down to brush my lips against his.

"Bella." He warned, well, moaned as I moved my hips against his. "Don't." He whispered gently in my ear. I straightened up to see his eyes pleading with me not to push him. I pressed my lips to his gently, lifting myself off of him. He'd had a hard week, digging up past wounds and things that had left him scarred and I could see that he wasn't ready yet. If he needed time, then I would give him time. I had no idea what he was thinking, feeling, so I couldn't liken myself to it or understand. All I knew was that this man had had my heart since we were three, just as he'd said, and he still held it. "Thank you." He whispered, settling back next to me.

"It's okay, love." I ran my fingers through his hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "We don't have to rush things. We'll take as long as you need."

"Kind of feels like the normal situation but in reverse." He mused and I couldn't help but raise my eyebrow at him. "Well, normally, it's the guy comforting the girl, you know? The whole 'we'll wait' shit and all that."

"Well, not all guys have been through what you have." I sighed. "Add that in with all the crap of the last week or so and you're allowed to be a little apprehensive."

Thankfully after the showdown in his apartment, there hadn't been any more extensive meetings. Jasper had come around to the shop once or twice, wanting to look around. He and Edward had chatted for a little while, which I thought was great. It was like nothing had happened between them. It was like the last eleven years didn't count and they were meeting up after a few days or something. Which technically they were, but you get the idea. The only reference made to the night Edward exploded at everyone was when Jasper thanked him for looking after Rose when she'd broken down. But other than that, it was just general chitchat between old friends. I think they might have even organised to go out one night at some point.

Alice and Rose had become almost permanent fixtures in the shop, such as myself. They got on really well with Mae, Jake and Seth – who was now going out with Tanya, I heard. Apparently, he had taken her out for a dinner date and a lunch date and they were scheduled to go out again on Wednesday, which I thought was great, as did Edward. Alice and Rose had met Tanya, instantly falling in love with her and her bubbly personality. It seemed that she was able to make friends with everyone, except her cousin that is.

Alice was going in to get the colour filled in on her fairy today. She was Edward's first appointment of the day at ten thirty. I guess it was a good thing being in charge of your own boutique. Meant that you could come and go as you please. At least in Alice's one she could. But then again, there's one set of rules for Alice and one set for the rest of the world. Strange little imp.

The only one who had remained distant was Emmett. I knew that he was feeling bad about everything that had transpired between him and Edward, but he really needed to just clear the air and move on, like the rest of us were. Even though we now knew this huge news about him, something he'd hidden from us, the fact that we knew didn't matter. He was still Edward. He might have been a different Edward, but hey, who doesn't change? Emmett just needed to get his head out of his ass and talk to Edward like the rest of us have done.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked suddenly and I looked down at him.

"Yeah. I was just thinking."

"About?" He sounded curious and a curious Edward is not necessarily a good thing.

"I was thinking . . . maybe we should all go out. You know, as one big group."

"What like the six of us?" His brow furrowed in confusion.

"Well." I thought for a moment. "The six of us, and maybe invite Jake and Mae and Seth and Tanya as well. I mean, they get along with everybody and . . . I don't know. It was just a thought."

"And a great one, too." He sat up and pressed a kiss to my temple before rolling out of bed and making his way towards the bathroom. "Oh and Bella?" I hummed in response, looking over at him. "You're a shitty liar." He grinned and closed the door behind him. I rolled my eyes and looked at the time. Six ten. Right that meant I had just under two hours to get showered, dressed for me to be at the school on time with everything I'd brought over to Edward's last night. I could do that. The school was only a five minute walk away from Edward's apartment block.

After making my way through to the kitchen and turning on the coffee machine, I picked up a copy of _Tattoo Life_ that was on Edward's coffee table and started flipping through it. I looked down to see Nix weaving her way in between my ankles and mewing up at me.

I reached down and picked her up, placing the magazine back on the table as I stroked her, looking in her food bowl, seeing it was empty. "Are you hungry? Huh? You want some food?" I placed her down, running a hand down her body from her head down to the tip of her tail, grabbing some of her food while I was at it. "I'm glad to see you like me now." I mumbled as she started eating.

Making myself and Edward some coffee, I took it back through to the bedroom where Edward was standing in just a pair of low hung jeans, his black boxer briefs just peeking over the waistband. Just enough to be tantalising, yet make me wonder what he's hiding under there. Well, it would if I didn't already know.

I watched him as he towelled his hair dry, smiling as it did nothing but stick up in even more of a mess than normal. I couldn't help but admire the thick bands of colour that ran down one arm or the lifelike rendition of Alice on the other. Now that I was seeing the whole thing in daylight I could see that the bands of colour that I had admired that first night walking past the shop, seeing his arm as he worked was a brightly coloured phoenix. It's head was at his wrist and it looked as though it was diving straight down his arm, the wings and body flowing seamlessly up his arm and onto his shoulder, rippling along with the muscles underneath the skin. It seemed that there was a maze of thorns wrapped around the bird, confining it in its place, trapping it as no majestic bird such as this one should be. I wondered what it meant, as Edward's tattoos always seemed to have some sort of meaning to them.

"See something you like?" He asked, smirking at me as he took his coffee from my hand.

"Most definitely." I smirked back and he chuckled.

"Go on." He grinned, making his way over to the dresser. I silently appraised him from the back, admiring his ass as he moved. "You're gonna be late for your first day if you keep staring." He said knowingly as he turned his head to look at me.

"Well, it'd be worth it." I walked up behind him, putting my cup down on the dresser – an action he scowled at, being the OCD freak that he is – and wrapping my arms around him, pressing my palms against his chest, pressing my lips to his back. I stood up on my tiptoes, pressing my lips to his left shoulder blade, running my lips over the heart that resided there. I gently brushed my fingertips over the barbells running through each nipple, smirking when I heard him let out a low hiss through his clenched teeth.

"Bella." His tone held an edge of warning, so I did it again, earning a moan this time. I knew that I was teasing him when I should really be getting ready for my first day at work but hey, there's a sexy half naked man in front of me. I've got to have some fun. "Bathroom. Now." His voice was low and smooth and I didn't need to hear it twice.

I made sure that my fingers made contact with the barbells again as I quickly made my way into the bathroom, earning myself an aggravated moan from Edward. I couldn't help it. Especially not around him. He was just too damn gorgeous for his own good.

Showering quickly I made my way out into the bedroom, checking around for Edward, who might be looking for some revenge after my little nipple teasing game earlier. I didn't know what he planned to do, but I still couldn't help but be a little wary. Hey, we used to play pranks on each other all the time. I don't know how he'd retaliate to something like that. If he'd retaliate at all.

I grabbed the garment bag I had placed in Edward's closet, hanging it on the outside of the closet door as I grabbed the underwear that I had in my bag and pulled them on, dropping the towel to the floor. The shirt that I had chosen for today didn't require me to wear a bra, as it had support included in the design. _See, I knew I bought it for a reason. Take that, Alice!_ It was one of those shirts that has an undershirt attached to it. Very comfortable and practical I might add. The buttons on the front were just for show, which I didn't see the point of, but hey, whatever sells right?

I turned around to grab the suit that I had placed in the garment bag when I heard a thud from behind me. I turned around to see a very dazed looking Edward sitting on the floor, rubbing his head.

"Oh, jeez, are you okay?" I asked, rushing to him as he shook his head gently.

"I'm . . . I'm fine." He looked up at me, his eyes slightly darker than I was used to. We sat there for a minute before I realised that I had to finish getting ready for work. Standing up, I made my way across the room, turning back to look at Edward who happened to be staring at me. I looked down and saw that I was still only in my panties. _Hmmm . . . he likes blue lace, does he?_ I added that into my little filing cabinet I stored in my brain for when dealing with Edward. That was sure to come in handy sometime, right?

I finished getting ready and saw that Edward was still sitting on the floor, unmoving and I rolled my eyes walking over to him, putting my heels on as I went. I was sure that this would be an Alice approved outfit.

"Come on, Dopey." I gently tapped him on the back of the head and he seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in.

"Wait, what?" He shook his head, watching as I walked down the hallway.

"You've been sitting there for a good hour or so, while I've been getting ready." I told him, grabbing my bag and folders that I needed.

"Really?" He seemed shocked at the news and I nodded. "Huh."

"Uh-huh." I pressed my lips to his before turning to leave. "I'll see you later."

"Um, where are you going?" He grabbed my arm, causing me to stop.

"I have to go or else I'll be late." I explained and he nodded.

"You really thought that I was going to let you go on your own?" His eyebrows lifted and I shrugged my shoulders. "The answer to that one is, no."

"Okay then." I smiled, pressing my lips to his and watching as he slid on his shoes and grabbed his jacket, picking up mine as well. "Come on."

The walk to the school was calming as the cool breeze of the September morning flowed around us. The only non-calm bit was in the elevator down to the lobby when Edward decided he wasn't going to let me carry my folders. I insisted that I carry my bag though, seeing as I don't think he would've enjoyed carrying a ladies purse. Didn't really fit with his image.

"Well, this is it." I sighed as we approached the school. I saw that there were students arriving already, probably for before school clubs or whatever. I did, however see a couple of preppy girls – the kind I hate – practically eye-fucking Edward for all he was worth. I didn't like that one bit. Even though they were probably only seventeen at the most, it still bugged me. Yeah, alright, I had the jealousy thing down pat. When you're with someone like Edward, that's not really surprising, is it?

"Are you still scared?" He asked a small smile on his face.

"Not really scared." I shook my head, taking a deep breath. "More nervous than anything else. I was scared when I started my first job, but that's because I'd never done it before."

"Where did you teach first?" He asked me, his brow furrowing as though he should have thought of that question earlier.

"Port Angeles." His expression changed to one of understanding. I guess he figured I wouldn't want to teach in Forks because I myself had gone there, but with Port Angeles so close, it was the closest thing.

"Anyway," He sighed gently. "Have a good day." He leaned forward, gently pressing his lips to mine sending a calming wave through me. I sighed gently, pouting when he pulled away from me, making him chuckle slightly. "Feel better."

"Much." I smiled at him. "I'll see you later?"

"Did you want me to meet you here or were you going to drop by the shop?"

"Um." I bit my lip gently, watching his eyes darken slightly. _I forgot. He likes it when I do that._ "Don't you have a client booked in?"

"Not that I know of." He shrugged, not seeming too bothered about whether he did or not, which made me smile. "Tell you what. If I don't have a client then I'll meet you here at four o'clock, but if I do, then you come by the shop, yeah?"

"Sounds good." I pressed my lips to his again gently, savouring the way he tasted before saying goodbye to him.

I took a deep breath as I walked into the school, feeling the slight nerves wracking through me. I had already been here when it was empty, for a teacher training thing that they held, so I'd gotten to know my way around and the other members of staff then. I knew where my room was, and thankfully, I wouldn't be in charge of a homeroom class this semester.

"Hey, Bella." I turned to see Jasper walking towards me, a grin on his face. "How're you feeling?"

"A little nervous." I admitted honestly as we walked towards my classroom. "You?"

"Me? Are you kidding, Bells." He laughed, but then I should have known that would be his reaction. Jasper never got nervous. About anything. It would be good for me to be around him when all this was said and done. I could use his confidence to feed my own.

I walked into my classroom and Jasper gave me one last grin and a wink before making his way to his own, leaving me chuckling to myself as the students started filing through the door. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I watched them take their seats. I noticed that I happened to have the preppy girls I'd seen this morning in my class, giving me silent glares as they sat down and started whispering. _This is going to be a long day_. I thought to myself, mentally steeling myself to deal with them. I'd had to in the past, so this wouldn't be any different.

"Alright." I called to the class, smiling slightly to myself when my voice went unheard in the noisy room. "Okay then, anyone who wants to continue their ever-so-important conversations that obviously can't wait can do it, with me, in here, after school. Anyone opposed to that idea can you kindly shut up." Okay maybe it was a bit unorthodox, but hey, it worked. They all stopped talking. "Thank you." I smiled at them, walking out from behind my desk. "Now, I know that you don't know me, and yes I am a new teacher. My name is Miss Swan. And no you may not call my by any abbreviation of that name. I will answer to Miss Swan or simply Miss. Anything else, will earn you some quality time with me either at lunch, or after school."

"I wouldn't mind some quality time with _you_." I looked over to the voice and saw a sandy haired blue eyed boy who looked like the typical jock. Letterman jacket, no bag, designer clothes. Yup. Typical.

"Is that so?" I walked over to stand in front of his desk. "What's your name?"

"Ethan." He smirked up at me, thinking that he could win.

"Ethan? What? Is that like Cher or Madonna?" I smirked down at him. "Or is there a last name that goes with that?"

"Jones." He sighed, obviously not seeing the point.

"Right." I nodded slowly, looking him straight in the eye. "Now, Ethan. You might be the big man on the field or the court, depending on what you play, but in here, I don't want to hear a peep from you unless it's in regard to the subject at hand, okay?"

"Fine." He rolled his eyes at me, laughing at something someone next to him had said.

"Cut the sarcasm. It doesn't suit you." I looked over the whole class before moving back to the front. "Now, I can tell what's going through your minds. You're thinking that because I'm new, I'm going to be a pushover. I would like to inform you all right now, that you're all sadly mistaken. I _will_ be pushing you and I _will_ see the results I want. Anything less than what I think you're all capable of and you will be staying behind for remedial sessions with me."

"You can't do that." One of the preppy girls interrupted me, flicking her bleach blonde hair over her shoulder. "That's like, totally not fair."

"What's your name?" I asked her, seeing the glare she was sending me, which I had a sneaking suspicion was more about the fact that she had seen me with Edward this morning rather than the threat of tutoring after school.

"Breanna." She sniffed, sitting up straight in her chair.

"Well, Breanna." I smiled at her even though she was still giving me the death glare. "I think you'll find that I can. Because if I feel that you are not reaching your full potential, a letter will be sent home to your parents informing them of my decision. And seeing as this is one of the higher valued schools in the city, parents will _not_ be willing for their children to flunk at all. So, that tells me straight off, that they will not be opposed to a few catch-up sessions after school."

"I can't do after school, though." She smirked at me, tapping her nails on the desk in front of her.

"And why is that?"

"Because I have cheerleading practise." _Ah, she's a cheerleader. Of course she is._

"You see, Breanna, that is no concern of mine." I smiled at her as she scowled at me. "You either learn how to spell another useless word, or you learn how to pass English. Take your pick."

I made my way back over to where Ethan and his friends were sitting, fully aware that they were not paying attention to what I had been saying.

"Yeah, and it's going to run all the way down my arm." Ethan was saying in a hushed voice as he faced his friends indicating something on his arm.

"Dude, that's so cool." One of his little lackeys commented and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

"Mr. Jones." He jumped at the sound of his name being called and turned to look at me with a guilt look on his face. "Would you care to share you riveting conversation with the rest of the class?"

"Um . . . sure." He shrugged, not saying anything more.

"Well?" I crossed my arms, not breaking eye contact with him.

"I was just telling them about a tattoo that I was going to get today." He shrugged, seeming disinterested now that he had been called to attention.

"Oh and where were you going to get that done?" I asked him, feigning interest.

"My arm."

"I got that much. I meant, what shop?" I indicated out the window towards the main city.

"Um, a place called New Moon." _I thought so._

"No, you're not." I told him and his mouth dropped open. "As a matter of fact, one of the owners of New Moon happens to be a _very_ close friend of mine, some of you might have seen him this morning." My gaze fell to Breanna and her little group of clones. "And he has asked me to tell you all that until you are eighteen, with proof of identification, don't bother. He and his partner are tired of all the excuses that the students in this school come up with. And don't bother with a fake ID. They can spot them a mile off. Is that clear?" They all nodded silently. Except Ethan, who sat there with a dumb look on his face. "Now that we have all the pleasantries out of the way . . . let's get started, shall we? Shakespeare." I rolled my eyes at the collective groan that echoed through the room. "Now, I know some of you may find the Bard a bit boring, but you've got to do it to pass the year, so suck it up."

The rest of the day passed relatively quickly, with my first class of the day being the only one that really gave me any trouble. The rest of my classes were easy to get on with. Of course there were those that decided they were going to get smart with me, but a few simple words got them to behave. Of course, the random texts I would receive from Edward throughout the day – well, when I had a minute or two to check my phone that is – made it all seem to go quicker. I couldn't help grinning like an idiot when he texted me. _Jeez girl, you've got it bad._ Well, I know that. I have done since I was little. Where's the newsflash in that tidbit of information?

I was glad when the day was finally over. It had been long and stressful, but it could have been a lot worse. I knew that much.

"Hey." I heard Jasper at the door, and smiled when I saw him. "How was your first day?" He asked, seeming not surprisingly extremely calm, but then again, that's Jasper for you.

"It was okay." I nodded, gathering my things and locking the desk drawer before meeting Jasper in the doorway. I locked the classroom door behind me and walked along the corridor with him. "What about you?"

"It was alright." He nodded, smiling at me. "Could've been worse, so there's no point in complaining."

"That's true." I sighed, chuckling slightly. "There was one kid in my first class this morning. Ethan Jones-"

"You have him too?" Jasper grinned at me and I nodded. "No wonder he was so frazzled when he came into my class." I raised an eyebrow at him in question. "I had him for second period History."

"Ah. Anyway, as I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted." I mock glared at him and he laughed, the sound echoing down the now empty hallways. "He was planning on getting a tattoo this afternoon." I smirked at Jazz and he grinned immediately.

"Done by anyone we know?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, one of the possibilities is six foot two, very pale, big fucked up bronze mess on his head, lots of tattoos and piercings and oh! Is waiting for us right now." I grinned as I saw Edward leaning on the wall that surrounded the school. He smiled as he saw Jasper and I making our way towards him.

"How was your day?" He asked, wrapping his arms around my waist gently, pressing his lips to my forehead, where I felt the softness of his lips, contrasting with the hard steel of the rings. That was weird, he didn't wear his lip _rings_ unless he was going out. It was always his studs.

"It was okay." I shrugged, smiling up at him. "It could have been worse. There were some pushy kids in first period but after that, they seemed pretty harmless."

"Well, that's good." He smiled up at Jasper. "Hey Jazz. I forgot you were working here as well. What are you teaching?"

"History." He said with a grin. As if he'd be teaching anything else. Even Edward knew how much he loved history, I mean, hell he had a sword and a rifle tattooed on his lower back representing Jazz.

"Duh." Edward rolled his eyes before looking down at me. "Ready to go?" I nodded and he chuckled. "Where are you headed?" He asked as I felt the folders in my hand disappear. I scowled up at Edward and he looked up at me with an innocent look on his face. I would say it was _too_ innocent, but he actually didn't have anything in his hands. I looked at Jasper and saw that he had twice as many folders as before.

"Jasper." I moaned, trying to grab for my folders. "What is it with you guys and stealing my stuff?"

"Hey, it's only stealing if we're not giving it back." Edward tapped me on the nose gently and I frowned at him.

"You're forgetting, we were brought up as gentlemen." Jasper nodded knowingly and I scowled at him again. "A lady shouldn't be carrying anything."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes at the two of them and started walking dragging Edward along behind me, laughing.

"We don't mean to tease you, love." Edward wrapped his arm around me pulling me into his side as we walked. "You coming to the shop, Jazz?"

"Might as well." He shrugged walking along beside us. "Might as well let Alice know." He took out his phone and I rolled my eyes. Edward gave me a look that said 'whipped' and I nodded.

"How come you're wearing the rings today?" I asked, gently flicking one of them. "Normally you only wear them when you're going out."

He scowled down at me before his expression softened to a smile. "I got bored, so I thought I'd wear them." He shrugged before looking back up to where he was going. "How do you know that I wear them when I'm going out?"

"I pay attention." I answered smugly and he rolled his eyes at me as we approached the shop.

He held the door open for me and I walked in, followed by Jasper who immediately loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt.

"Hey, Bells." Mae called from behind the counter, grinning at us, rivalling Alice in her enthusiasm. I couldn't help but laugh and grin back, giving her a slight wave as Edward pulled me down into his lap as he sat on one of the sofas in the waiting area.

"Do you have any appointments left for today?" I asked him and he thought for a minute, one of his pierced eyebrows edging upwards slowly.

"I don't know." He looked at me, confused. "Mae?"

"No." She called back, her eyes down on something in front of her. "But we need you here in case we have any walk ins."

"Didn't you have an appointment at three o'clock?" I asked him and he nodded.

"Done." He smiled up at me. "They came in early meaning I got it done early. Which mean that I could come and meet you for when you come out of school at four o'clock."

"Fair enough." I rested my head on his shoulder, gently running my fingers through his hair.

We sat like that for a while, just being with each other. I didn't have anything to do for school the next day as I had all of my lesson plans for the next week or so done and seeing as it was the first day back after summer there was nothing to grade. I was going to enjoy being with Edward for as long as I could.

He looked up as the bell above the door chimed and some people walked in. Judging from their size and voices they were only kids, thinking that they could get away with coming in here. Edward groaned and dropped his head back onto the seat, hitting the hard part of the sofa with the back of his head. I couldn't help but laugh when I heard the slight 'ow' come from him as he lifted his head up.

"Guess I've got to deal with these then." He sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Not necessarily." I murmured, looking at the boys. "Ethan Jones." I called and the boy turned around, a look of shock on his face as he registered me sitting there in front of him. "Have we forgotten what I told you this morning?"

"No." He stood up straight regaining his composure. Or what composure he had in the first place at least. "And you can't do anything about me being here."

"No." Edward shook his head, looking between the two boys standing in front of him. "But I can. Beat it." He tilted his head towards the door but the two boys didn't move.

"But-"

"Look." Edward sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose gently. "It's obvious that you're underage. Now beat it and don't come back until you're old enough to shave with proper ID."

With that the two of them left and I couldn't hold in my laughter. Even Edward and Jasper started chuckling as the two dejected boys walked down the street.

"Now, Miss Swan." Edward mumbled into my ear, wrapping his arm around my waist. "That was incredibly unprofessional of you."

"I don't care." I shook my head, smiling up at him. "I'm not in school at the moment. And I could say the same for you."

"Yeah, but I'm a tattoo artist. I'm allowed to be rude and obnoxious." He grinned down at me.

"Where does it say that?" I sat up, or tried to at least, but he held me to him, his strength far overpowering mine.

"In here." He tapped his temple and I rolled my eyes, pressing my lips to his.

"Smartass." He grinned and nodded at me, not giving me a verbal answer.

Just then, the bells above the door jingled again and Edward groaned. "If that's those kids back again."

I turned towards the door, not seeing Ethan and his little friend or a customer like I'd expected, but very surprised to see Emmett standing there. In the last few days, he out of all of us had had the hardest time accepting what had happened to Edward. Not that any of us really _accepted _it, but we were able to see past it. Emmett was having a harder time than anybody doing that.

"Hey." He said, softly with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Um, Edward?"

"Yeah?" Edward looked up at him, his face blank and void of any emotion. He hadn't really mentioned Emmett since he had blown up at him at his apartment last week. I don't know if he was ready to handle whatever Emmett had to tell him.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" He asked, in a soft voice that I would have thought impossible for Emmett. "You know, just the two of us?"

Edward looked between Emmett and myself and nodded, pressing a quick kiss to my lips before I climbed off his lap, allowing him to lead his brother to the back room.

I looked at Jazz, knowing that this could go one of two ways.

And I hoped it didn't go the way I was thinking it would.

_**I'm cruel I know.**_

_**There should be another update out soon, but just so you know, I'm back at work tomorrow, so updates might be a little less frequent. The next story to be updated will be Under Your Spell as Magicward is feeling a little left out at the moment.**_

**_Leave me a review. You know how much I love them. PiercedTattward loves them too. They make him feel better after a bad nightmare._**


	13. Resolving Issues

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. Though, I am wondering if anyone will mind too much if Cheryl Cole and JLS just . . . disappear. Would you guys mind?**

_Every whisper  
Of every waking hour I'm  
Choosing my confessions  
Trying to keep an eye on you  
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool, fool  
Oh no, I've said too much  
I set it up  
Consider this  
Consider this  
The hint of the century  
Consider this  
The slip that brought me  
To my knees failed  
What if all these fantasies  
Come flailing around  
Now I've said too much  
I thought that I heard you laughing  
I thought that I heard you sing  
I think I thought I saw you try_

'_Losing My Religion' - REM_

_***~*Edward*~***_

Emmett walking into the shop was the last thing I was expecting. He had been keeping his distance over the last few days and even though it hurt a little to know that he couldn't really be around me without feeling guilty, there was some part of me that was glad he'd stayed away.

I don't think I could have taken much more of his undeserved guilt.

I just hoped he wasn't going to apologise for something that was out of his control, yet again.

I gently pressed a kiss to Bella's lips before she slid off my lap, giving me a small smile before I stood up and motioned for Emmett to follow me to my back room. I just hoped that he wouldn't start a fight in here. There was a lot of expensive shit in this room, and it would take weeks to come in if any of it got broken. But something in Emmett's posture and expression told me that he wasn't here to fight.

I closed the door behind me before I motioned for him to sit down in one of the chairs and walking past him, putting on a mellow album off of my iPod before I settled into the chair I had my clients use. It was comfier than the others in the room, so I figured I'd use it.

I noticed Emmett looking around at the décor in the room before I realised that he hadn't been in here before. It seemed that all the others had, apart from him. He seemed slightly impressed by what I had done with the room, and the various designs that I had lining the walls. All created and inked by yours truly of course.

"What are you doing here, Emmett?" I asked quietly and his attention turned back to me.

He took a deep breath, running a hand through his short hair. It was shorter than the last time I had seen him. Rose must have made him get it cut. She always had hated his hair long.

"I want to apologise. Wait!" He held up a hand as I was about to say something, his expression pleading for me to let him continue. I closed my mouth, trying like fuck not to bite down on my tongue bar. Bella would have my ass if I did any damage to my teeth. "Let me get this out. Please." I nodded, keeping up the eye contact with him. I _would _let him get through what he had to say. 2I want to apologise for being such an ass since . . . well, you know." He looked down at his hands and I nodded silently. "Some part of me knows that there was nothing that I could do to stop it. That me, or any of us, knowing wouldn't have made much of a difference, but . . . at the same time, there's a part of me that wishes I _had_ known. I know that I wouldn't have been able to do something, but the protective big brother in me thinks that maybe . . . just maybe, I could have. And I can't get that part to shut up."

"Emmett." I sat forward in the chair in front of him and he looked up at me, his eyes full of fear and worry. I couldn't stand to have him fucking hurting over this shit anymore. "I know that you wish you could have done _something_, but nobody could. Not even me." I sighed, closing my eyes, needing to get this out. He needed to understand and if it meant that I had to tell him everything, then I would. But he needed to know that nothing anyone could have done would have changed anything. "Emmett, you really want to know why I didn't tell you all?" He looked up at me and nodded slowly, the emotions running through his eyes and over his face conflicting with each other. "Because I was scared."

"What?"

"I was." I confirmed, nodding and looking away from him. "I was scared of what everyone would think if they knew. It's a stupid reason to keep everything to myself but it's the truth. You've got to realise that at that time, I was seventeen, I had just been raped-"

"Edward, I don't . . ." He cringed at the word 'rape', but even though it was hard for him, I knew that he had to hear what I had to say.

"I know you don't want to hear it, but you need to." I sighed, closing my eyes slowly. "It wasn't just once. I lost count of how many times, but by the time they'd . . . they'd _finished_ with me, I was broken and bleeding and I didn't know what to do. It was hard enough getting myself to the hospital where they would instantly _know_ what had happened without me needing to explain anything to them. But actually _telling_ somebody." I shook my head, remembering how full of fear I had been when I had thought about telling my family what had happened.

_*~*Flashback *~*_

_It had been two weeks._

_Two weeks since I had been . . . attacked. I couldn't even think the fucking word._

_My family knew that something was up with me, though they didn't know what. They didn't even come and ask me if I was okay which was weird. I had a feeling Mom had something to do with that. She had always been good at reading when I needed to be alone, but this time, she just misread the signs. I didn't want to be alone. I wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in my mothers' arms, but I didn't know how to go about it. I had never had to ask to be held before. It was always something that she just knew._

"_Edward?" I heard someone softly calling my name and I turned to see my mom standing there, a small smile on her face as she looked at me. It was a sad smile. A smile that told me she wished that there was something she could do to find out what was going on with me._

_She stepped into my room, closing the distance between us and sitting down on my bed next to me. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" She knew something was up. Just like she always did._

_Her fingers gently traced the area on my face that was mottled and bruised from the beating those fuckers – okay, wrong analogy there – had given me two weeks previous. I had told them all that I had lost my footing and fallen down some steps. It had been dark when I came out and I told them this, so they believed me. Well, for the most part anyway._

_I think part of her was close to working it out. Well, some of it anyway._

_I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her what happened, just so that I could be free of the crushing burden that carrying this secret around with me was inflicting. It felt like I was Atlas, collapsing under the crushing weight of the world with what I was keeping from them._

_But no matter how much I wanted to tell them, the blinding panic that accompanied the thought of letting someone in was overpowering, and although I was good at hiding it, it was like all my thought processes just went out of the window and all that replaced them was a blinding white light. It was as though my body stopped functioning when I entertained the idea of telling someone, even a little hint as to what really happened to me. It was like my senses shut down and I was left with nothing to work with._

_Nothing._

_In the end, it ended the same way it always did. Me giving her a small smile and shaking my head slightly and telling her that I was fine, just a little worn down._

_Each time I gave her that excuse there was something in her eyes that told me she didn't buy it, but she let it go each and every time, probably determined not to push me, thinking that it would come out when I was ready._

_I'm sorry, Mom. I don't think I'll ever be ready._

_After she left, I made my way over to my door, locking it securely behind her as I heard her walk down the stairs before I turned back towards my bed and curled up in the middle of it, sobbing like there was no tomorrow._

_I was such a coward._

_I knew that telling someone would be the best way to making sure that nothing like this ever happened again. A step in the right direction at least. And it would also probably benefit me a lot, allowing me to get what I was concealing out in the open. But I feared the looks and whispers that I knew would be happened about me. I couldn't handle seeing Alice and Emmett's faes as mom and dad told them about my breakdown and as I was 'encouraged' to tell them why I reacted the way I did._

_No._

_I couldn't tell them._

_Not now and probably not ever._

_*~* End Flashback *~*_

"The thought of actually _telling_ somebody terrified me." I admitted and he sighed, sniffing a little. "You're probably wondering why I didn't tell Charlie, right?" He nodded without looking at me, probably wondering why I didn't go to the police when there was one so close. The Chief of Police, no less. "That made it worse." He looked up at me, confused but I held up my hand to make sure he knew to let me carry on. "I was terrified and ashamed to go to the police anyway, but going to one I _knew_, especially Charlie, that scared me more than anything. I know it was stupid and I probably should have gone to someone, _told_ someone before now, but . . . I can't change the past, but I know I could have made better choices."

"I know I don't understand and I probably never will, but, I want you to know that I _am_ sorry. For everything." He sighed and I didn't interrupt him this time. "I was an ass to you after that happened, and I didn't even _try_ to figure out what was wrong. I just figured you were being 'Emo Edward' again and thought you'd snap yourself out of it like you always did. But when you didn't, it began to piss me off because I didn't know what to do about it. It was something that I couldn't fix and I didn't know what to do about it."

"There was nothing that you could have done." I sighed and he nodded.

"I get that now, but the big brother in me will always think 'what if'." He ran his hand through his hair again. "You know, what if I'd noticed? What if I'd pushed him? What if he hadn't been able to convince me he'd be alright on his own?" He looked up at me, his eyes pleading with me to understand. "It's not something I can turn off, Ed." He sighed, looking so sad and lost that I didn't even bother to correct him on my name.

"I know." I took a deep breath and placed my hand on his shoulder. "But look, you have to understand, it's in the past and nothing any of us can do is going to change it. It's not like going to the police now is going to work because all of the evidence is gone."

"Evidence?" He looked confused and I knew that he hadn't contemplated something like that. "What kind of evidence?"

"DNA." I whispered and his head fell into his hands.

"Oh, God." He whispered. "You mean, they . . .?" He didn't finish his question but I knew what he meant. They got off? I nodded slowly before I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me. I rested my forehead on his shoulder, thankful that he didn't go off on some sort of tirade. "Sick fucks." I couldn't agree more. "But wait . . . what about-"

"I'm clean." I told him before he even finished the sentence. "They tested me at the hospital." His face relaxed ever so slightly, but not really enough. I hated it when he was like this. I wanted the brother I had grown up with back. I wanted to see him laugh and grin like he used to again. Not this depressed, hopeless man resembling a bear. This I couldn't handle. "Emmett . . . there's nothing you can do, and I've moved on. I've accepted that there isn't anything I can do about it now. Maybe back then, there was, but I can't keep living my life thinking 'what if' and neither can you."

"But-"

"No." I made my voice stern and pointed at him, getting a small grin. "Now, Bella's had an idea for us all to go out together. And I want you to come, alright." It wasn't a question or a request. "And I want my big brother Emmett there. Not this sad, mopey git that's sat in front of me. Got it?"

He looked at me, shock on his face before he sat there and grinned at me. "Alright, Eddie." Phew. I had a feeling things were going to be okay. Especially since he called me Eddie and he never does that unless he's trying to piss me off. It would take time, but I think we'd be okay. "So, where does Bellsy want to go?"

"I have no idea." I shook my head, chuckling. "All I know is she wants all of us, including Jake, Mae, Tanya and Seth to go out and have some fun."

"Tanya?" His brows furrowed in confusion. I don't think anyone had mentioned Tanya to him before.

"She's a regular in the shop. She's a good friend and she's also seeing Seth." I explained and he nodded, his face relaxing a little when I mentioned she was with Seth. "Don't worry." I chuckled again, whacking him on the shoulder. "Nothing like that has ever happened with Tanya."

"Good to hear." He smirked and I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at him.

"So?" I looked at him, raising my eyebrows and he looked at me, probably wondering what the hell I was on. "You in?"

"Course man." He grinned at me, dimples and all. "When am I not?"

"Good good." I looked to the door quickly before standing up. "I think its best we get back out the front before Bella busts in here thinking we're killing each other." I suggested and he nodded quickly. He knew what Bella could be like when angry or worried and I knew that he was afraid of her – though he'd never admit it.

I turned off my iPod and opened the door, allowing Emmett to walk out first before making my way out to the front after him, closing the door behind me.

Bella was next to me like a shot, her arms around my waist and worry in her eyes. I smiled down at her, but her worry didn't ease.

"I'll see you later." Emmett gave us a slight wave and I nodded, wrapping my arms around Bella.

"What happened?" She asked as soon as he was out the door. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, love." I pressed my lips to her forehead, feeling her relax slightly. "We came to an understanding."

"Which you're not going to tell me." It wasn't a question.

"No." I shook my head, looking her in the eye. "This is something between me and Emmett. It has to stay that way."

"I understand." She sighed gently, resting her head on my chest, her ear directly above my heart, smiling. "I'm glad you two are okay."

"We're not completely but I think in time we will be." I sighed, running my fingers through her hair gently. "I mean, we've got a lot of ground to cover, but I think we'll get there eventually."

"I hope you do." She looked up at me, smiling but with a sadness in her eyes. "The both of you have been without his brother for a long time. You needed each other when you were younger and you need each other now."

I ducked my head down, pressing my lips to hers gently, savouring the taste of her.

"Hey, enough with the PDA, you two." Jake yelled from somewhere behind me and I swear, I was going to kill a motherfucker.

"Like I don't have to put up with it every goddamn minute of the fucking day." I shot back and Bella giggled, nodding slightly. They _were_ pretty public about their relationship. They could give Emmett and Rose a run for their money.

In fact, I don't want to think about that.

_***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***_

It had been two weeks since my little chat with Emmett and we were making slow but steady progress. I knew that he kept seeing in his mind, imagining what they had done to me and sometimes I couldn't take it anymore and had to leave. But other than that – which had only happened once or twice – we were doing okay. I knew that it wasn't really something he could control. Just his overprotective side coming out again.

Bella – it seemed – had taken on the personality of Alice when she wanted all of us to go out. Nothing would sway her, not that we'd tried, but still, I could see that even if we had, it wouldn't have mattered. We would have been going.

The fact that it was Bella's birthday on the Friday we were going out made it even better. At least in Alice and the other girls' eyes, anyway. Bella wasn't too fond of _that_ idea. But then again, she had always hated birthdays – especially her own – so I wasn't going to argue with her. The fact that I liked my nuts where they were as well, kind of made it more tempting to agree with her.

It had been decided that we would be going to a new club that had opened a few weeks ago called _Twilight_. Emmett had suggested Eclipse, but Bella's excuse was that I went there all the time and she wanted somewhere new and fresh for all of us to go. I wasn't going to complain. If I got to see Bella, then I was in.

Shit. It had only been a couple of weeks and yet I was so whipped.

And I didn't give a flying fuck.

If it got me Bella, then I would do anything. Well . . . maybe not anything. I do have limits, but you get the idea.

We – as in me, Emmett, Jasper, Jake and Seth – were all in the back of a minivan taxi Emmett had managed to find on our way to the club. The girls had enforced that because they needed time to get ready, we would be meeting them there.

All of us in the back were getting antsy. We wanted our girls.

We had all been given specific outfits by Alice to wear. Jake and Seth were a little startled by this, but Jasper, Emmett and I just told them not to argue. It would be better for them and their nuts if they didn't. After a stern look from Alice – who was without a doubt scarier than both Jake and Seth, even due to their size – they relented, putting on the outfits she'd ordered them to wear.

The one she'd put me in wasn't that bad actually. It wasn't something I'd normally wear, but hey, she could have been a lot worse. I was dressed in a dark green button down, the top buttons of which I had undone, because I don't care how much Alice moaned at me, I was not being a prissy bitch and wearing it done up the whole way. I had the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, showing off my ink, which I knew Bella loved. This was coupled with some black jeans and my Docs. Not a bad outfit if I do say so myself.

Pulling up outside _Twilight_ we paid the taxi fare and climbed up the steps. I don't know how Alice, Bella or the others had done it, but we were on the guest list for tonight. Giving our names and showing the bouncers our IDs we walked inside to the moans and groans of the people waiting in the queue.

This was definitely not the kind of place I frequented and I doubted they saw many people like Jake, Seth and I in here, what with its dance music and strobe lights.

"Damn." Jake mumbled from beside me as we made our way up to the bar. "If I don't come into a place like this again, it'll be too soon."

"I know what you mean." I chuckled as a brunette barmaid walked over to us, her plastic chest almost spilling out of her too tiny top.

"Hi." She smiled at the both of us, her eyes lingering on our art and the piercings that littered our faces. "What can I get you?"

"Two beers and four shots." I answered for Jake and he smirked at me. The other three were down at a different part of the bar, getting drinks of their own from a blonde that looked exactly the same as our barmaid apart from her hair colour.

She placed the drinks in front of us and I placed the cash on the bar, picking up two of the shots and handing them to Jake, us clinking them both before throwing them back and downing half our beers. It was a tradition we had in _Eclipse_ so obviously both of us thought 'why bother changing it because we're in a different place?'

We waited for a moment or two as the others downed something that looked pretty vicious from their reactions to it and made their way over here, smirking smugly at us.

"Hey." Jasper practically shouted over the music. "Any sign of the girls yet?"

"Not that I've seen." I shouted back and he nodded, scanning the club quickly. "Ow!" I turned to face him as he whacked me on the arm but I quickly noticed that he was standing there slack-jawed. I noticed the others turning to look in the same direction and did myself, stunned into silence and immobility as I took in the sight before me.

It was the girls. They were all dressed meticulously, I'm sure – Alice wouldn't have had it any other way – but Bella was the only one standing there in my opinion. Taking one look at her I was instantly hard. Maybe we wouldn't be spending too long here tonight after all.

She was wearing a dark green top that hugged her form like a leotard. It was tucked into a pair of barely there black shorts and her shoes. _Oh my!_ _Note to self. Fuck her in those shoes._ They were the kind of shoe that hurt when they dug into your ass, but they made it oh, so worth it.

I saw her scanning the room, smirking when her eyes landed on us. She nudged Alice, nodding towards us indicating where we were before the five of them starting moving quickly and smoothly towards where we were.

Bella was almost to me, when some twathead decided that he was going to make a move on my girl. The others saw this and glanced at me, seeing me draining my beer and getting off the stool. Tanya immediately slid off of Seth's lap and onto my stool, effectively saving it for me. She would move back when I got back with Bella.

I saw her recoiling away from him as I approached and the fact that he didn't leave enraged me. I mean, it was obvious that she didn't like his attention, so why the hell didn't he leave her alone? Probably because he was pissed.

Just as I reached the two of them, he grabbed her arm, holding it more forcefully than necessary and it took all of my control not to slam my fist into his face right there. I manoeuvred my way around him, wrapping my arms around Bella's waist and placing myself between her and the lecherous fucker.

"Hey, dude." He slurred, swaying at me. "Go and get your own girl."

"This _is_ my girl." I sneered through gritted teeth at him and he glared at me, looking between Bella and myself. I gently guided Bella away from him, and towards the bar, where Tanya slid off of my stool and I slid onto it, pulling Bella onto my lap as I did so.

She pressed her lips to mine forcefully, wrapping her arms around my neck, effectively holding my in place. Not that I would be going anywhere, was she not, but still, I think it was the principal of the thing. I felt her tongue playing with one of the rings in my lip and I parted my lips, her tongue darting straight inside my mouth. I could never get used to the taste of her. It was unique and delicious. It was Bella.

She shifted in my lap and I couldn't stifle the moan at her movements. Thankfully, the music drowned it out for everyone else, but as soon as I felt the smirk on Bella's face, I knew that she had heard it.

Her lips moved from my lips, down my jaw line and throat where she began sucking and biting on my neck.

She was marking me as hers.

And I really wasn't going to argue. Hell, I didn't want anyone else but her and what she was doing right now felt so good, my dick felt like it was going to have a coronary if it didn't get at the girl sitting on my lap.

With one final – more painful – bite, she moved back up my throat to my lips, before pulling away and smirking at me.

"Feeling possessive, are we, love?" I asked and her eyes flicked across my shoulder. I turned my head to the side, to see what Bella was looking at behind me, cursing as I turned back around.

"She keeps staring at you." She explained, running a finger over the probably already bruising area of my neck that she had attacked. "And I take it from that reaction you know her." It wasn't a question and I knew that she wanted an answer. It could wait until later though.

"She doesn't matter." I pressed my lips to Bella's again, my hands moving from her thighs, up to her waist where I noticed that her back and pretty much all of her sides were completely bare. Pulling back I noticed that the top was pretty much just the front of a top with a strap going around the back of her neck and a thin strap wrapping around her back.

"Alice." She explained, seeing me appraising the top, which I both loved and fucking hated at the same time. One the one hand, it made her look fucking gorgeous, highlighting every curve of her body, the dark colour illuminating the paleness of her skin against the bright strobes and lights of the club. And on the other hand, I hated it for the same reason. It meant that every fucker with eyeballs in this place was staring at her when she was mine. No one but me had the right to look at her the way they all were. Fucktards.

"Bella!" Even over the music, I heard Alice shouting her name and she clutched herself tighter to me. "Dancing, now!"

"No!" She half-moaned, half shouted at Alice, burying her head in my shoulder.

"It's either that or Little Edward is taken out of commission." She threatened and I immediately sat up, shifting away from her.

"Hey, hey, hey, why are you threatening me?" I moaned at her and she grinned evilly. Too much like an annoying sister.

"Because she knows it's the only thing that'll get Bella to move." Emmett chuckled in my ear and I nodded, holding onto Bella tightly.

"I don't want to, Alice." She moaned but Alice grabbed her arm and pulled her away from me. Ooh, if I could have right now I would have throttled my sister. Too bad we were in public.

Bella looked at me longingly and I waved for her to have some fun before turning to the bar and ordering myself another beer and grabbing Bella one too. Surprising even me, it turned out that she could guzzle beer with the rest of us. Looking at her, you would have thought that she was a cocktail drinker, but nope. She liked her ale.

Looking over at her, the girls reached the middle of the dance-floor as 'Tambourine' by Eve started playing. Watching Bella dance to that was mesmerising. The way she moved reminded me of a snake, supple and smooth in its movements. She was definitely not the clumsy girl I had left back in Forks.

"Wow, Ed." Emmett elbowed me in the arm, motioning towards the girls, who were all now moving their hips in ways that should be illegal. "Those tats look incredible."

"Thanks." I nodded at him, taking another swig of my beer. I didn't need telling. I knew they were fuckawesome. I wasn't stuck up about my work, but I knew I was good. Hell, even exhausted like I knew I would be tomorrow I was better than most. And the fact that I had taken extra care and time completely Alice and Bella's – which I had just noticed was completely on show due to the position of her top. That thing seemed skin tight and unmoving when she did. Not that I was complaining, mind you – I made sure that these two were some of the best that I had ever done. And now they were both on display for the world to see. It made me slightly smug to know that I'd marked them both.

"Well, _Edward_." I heard a low voice in my ear and recoiled as I registered who it was. "This is the _last_ place I'd expect to find you."

I turned to face the woman standing beside me and saw exactly what I didn't want to. Pale skin offset by flaming red hair. Bright green eyes enhanced slightly by the light scattering of freckles across her nose. Not quite as petite as Bella, around five foot six-ish.

"Victoria." I turned away from her, focusing on Bella again, taking another swig of my beer, knowing that that wouldn't be enough to get rid of her.

"So, what _are_ you doing here?" She asked, angling herself closer to me.

"I'm with some friends." I answered shortly, turning to face the others. Jake and Seth had stiffened, knowing Victoria. Jasper and Emmett looked mad, both glaring at me and her at the same time. I shook my head a little, indicating for them not to do anything.

"Maybe we should ditch them." She whispered in my ear, barely audible over the volume of the club and I angled myself away from her.

"Not a chance." I growled and she chuckled, running a finger down my arm. "Get off." I shrugged away from her, feeling her hand immediately back on my bicep. "I said get off." I turned to look at her, seeing a look of mischief in her eyes. I shrugged out of her grasp again, leaning away from her and towards the bar, looking back over at Bella, who was oblivious to what was happening. Some part of me wanted her to notice, and to come over here and save me, but another part of me didn't. It would just open up a can of worms that I didn't want to reopen. It looked like Emmett and Jasper were already reaching for the can openers themselves.

"What's wrong, Edward?" She asked, amusement in her tone. "You always liked it before."

"That was when I was screwed up and didn't have a girlfriend." I replied and she laughed, following my gaze towards the girls.

"Her?" She didn't sound aggravated or whatever. She just sounded amused. "When you get bored, you know where I am?"

"Dammit." I smirked at her, taking another swig from my beer. "And here I thought they'd moved your red light."

Now _that_ remark got me a glare before she made her way back over to her group of friends.

"Dude." Emmett whacked me on the shoulder, sounding less than pleased with what had just happened. "What the hell was that?"

"Later." I replied, not taking my eyes off of Bella as she moved. She really was glorious. I knew that Emmett and Jasper wanted answers about what had just happened, but I couldn't give them now. Jake and Seth were giving me looks that were urging me to tell them what had happened and I knew that I had to, just not right now.

Would this be another thing that came and bit me in the ass?

I sure as hell hoped not.

I ordered myself another beer and turned around seeing that the girls had come back. I looked for Bella frowning when I didn't see her, starting to worry a little.

"She's gone to the bathroom." Tanya called in my ear and I turned to look at her as she pointed towards the female restrooms. I relaxed a little, knowing where she was, but I still wanted her here with me. If I had her here with me, then I knew that she was alright and that asshat from earlier hadn't been able to find her again.

I relaxed completely a few minutes later when she reappeared, but tensed when she looked more than a little pissed as she approached. I couldn't help thinking that this was directed at me. I hoped I was wrong.

"What's wrong, love?" I asked as she stood in front of me.

"Does the name 'Victoria' ring any bells?" _How the fuck did she know Victoria?_

"Shit." I ran a hand through my hair, knowing that we couldn't talk about this now. I stood up, taking her hand in mind and pulling her out of the club, not bothering to tell the others we were leaving. I couldn't stay in there, knowing that Victoria was in there and that she had gotten to Bella somehow. I just hoped that Tanya didn't find out she was in there. I didn't really want her being put away for murder.

"Where are we going?" She asked, not sounding as pissed as she looked, just confused.

"I'm not staying in there with that harpy." I told her as we walked outside into the chilly night air. I wrapped my arm around her, trying to shield her from the chill.

"So you _do_ know her." Her tone was accusing and I sighed as we walked down the street to a cab.

"Yes." I nodded and she stopped, standing in front of me, an expectant look on her face. "I know her from a long time ago. I met her when I was in a really bad place and . . . jeez, Mom would kill me for saying this but, she's just a mistake I want to forget." She looked down at the ground, her emotions battling for dominance on her face. "I haven't seen her in years."

"It's just . . ." She didn't look at me as she spoke, which reinforced the knowledge that Victoria had said something to her when she was in the restroom. "The way she spoke made it seem like it was a lot more recent."

"She's always been sore about the fact that _I_ ended it." I explained, wrapping my finger underneath her chin and tilting her head to look at me. "She'd never been dumped before and I guess, me being the one that finally threw her bitch ass out where she belongs, stuck in her mind. There is and there never will be again, anything happening between me and Victoria." I took her face in my hands gently, running the pads of my thumbs over her cheekbones gently. "There was never really anything between us. Nothing substantial, anyway."

"Just sex." She sighed, looking down at the pavement below our feet.

"Yeah." I whispered and she looked up at me, her brown eyes wide and wondering. "It didn't mean anything to me. Like I said, I was in a bad place at the time. Not really something I want to go into at the moment, but . . . just know, I wasn't myself. It's a shit excuse, but . . ."

"You don't need an excuse for something that in your past." She sighed, looking back up at me. "It's not like we were around at the time, is it?"

"No." I shook my head slowly, inching closer to her. "Because if you were I would have made you mine long before now."

"Really?" Her eyes widened and I nodded, closing the distance between us and pressing my lips to hers in a fast paced, furious kiss. I needed her and I needed her to know that. I just hoped that she knew that she was it now.

"Let's go home." She whispered and I smirked against her lips.

"Which one?" I asked and she giggled, thinking for a moment.

"Yours." She whispered, looking up at me through her lashes, probably not realising how alluring she was in that instant. Well, Little Eddie was sure as hell aware. "Your bed is comfier." _Uh-oh, I think Little Eddie is trying to claw his way free. Thank god he can't hold tools_.

Breaking the kiss I hailed a cab, opening the door for Bella as she rolled her eyes and climbed in. She obviously hadn't forgotten my habit of opening doors for the women in my life. It's not really a habit I intended on outgrowing to be honest.

As soon as I got into the back of the cab and had given the cabbie my address, she was practically on my lap, only held at bay by the annoyed and disapproving looks of the cabbie. I just glared back at him and carried on admiring my Bella in the best way I knew how. Exploration.

The ride to my apartment block didn't take long in reality, but hell, to me it felt like it had taken just this side of forever. I could tell that Bella was getting frustrated as well, seeing as she kept looking at me longingly before glaring at the cabbie just as I had done. It was something she would do every few minutes until we arrived back at my apartment block.

I barely had time to throw some money at him before Bella had grabbed my wrist and was yanking me out of the cab with a force I didn't know someone so small could possess. But hell, she did.

The girl sat at the desk looked a little worried as we stumbled through the door, neither of us too intoxicated, though I didn't know how many she'd had before she left to meet us. All I'd had was two shots and two beers. Hardly enough to get me tipsy. Bella might have been another question altogether though.

Crashing through my front door, I was sure that we woke some people up. Not that I really cared anyway. But I _did_ know that we had probably scared the shit out of Nix, which despite my current position of being welded between a wall and Bella – who seemed to want control tonight – I _did_ care about.

Bella and I made our way down to my bedroom, closing the door behind us before she slammed me down onto the bed, climbing on top of me.

"You're mine, Cullen," She smirked down at me, running the tips of her fingers over my chest, slowly circling my nipples, making me moan and harden to the point where if she took off my pants, my dick would be made out of diamonds, it was so hard, at the sensation. She slowly – and when I say slowly, I mean, a snail travels faster than she was – unbuttoned my shirt, her lips following the trailed of exposed skin and ink.

She gently pushed the shirt off of my shoulders and I shrugged it off, flipping her over at the same time. She let out a yelp of surprise and I smirked at her.

Running my nose along the hem of her shorts, I smiled as I heard her moan gently. I slowly ran the tips of my fingers up her silky thighs, making her squirm as I did so. She was extremely ticklish and it only took the slightest touch anywhere to set her off. Running my hands back down her legs, I took off her shoes. Fucking with those on could come another day. I wasn't even sure whether we were going to go that far tonight, so I would file that away for future reference.

It wasn't that neither of us had wanted to have sex. We both had. Majorly so. But there was something holding us back, and no matter how much Bella said that it wasn't, I knew what it was.

Me.

And my past.

It was holding us back.

Just like that morning in bed just before Bella's first day at school, there was something from stopping me from taking Bella how I wanted to and how she so obviously wanted to be taken. It was as though, after all this time, the demons from my past were arising and attacking me in different ways. I fucking hated it.

I needed to banish them from my life completely.

Or else I'd never be able to move on.

After I'd removed both of her shoes, I gently peppered kisses up and down her leg, up her right and down her left, earning an aggravated moan when I skipped the covered area she desired the contact so much more than anywhere else. As I made my way back up her leg, I ran my nose up and down her clothed centre, earning a low moan from her before I pressed a chaste kiss to the area.

"Fucks' sake, Edward." She moaned, her hands clutching at the sheets.

"All in good time, my love." I whispered as I hooked my fingers underneath the hem of her shorts, pulling them down slowly, my nose again, skimming over the thin lace that now covered her bare core. That was one thing I loved about Bella. She was fucking _bare_. And I fucking loved it!

I ran my hands up her legs again after I'd discarded the shorts that were so tiny, they shouldn't be allowed to hold the name of clothing. Underwear was more like it. I hooked my hands underneath the top that had gone slack now that the shorts had disappeared, not holding it in place anymore. I pushed it up her torso, my nose still in contact with her supple skin. I pressed a kiss to the gem that was resting in her navel and she squirmed a little at the touch, especially seeing as I made sure that it was a wet kiss before blowing on it gently. It received the desired effect.

Sliding the top over her head, I sat back, admiring the sight in front of me. Laying there, completely at my mercy, was a goddess. She was a goddess. In my eyes at least. And fucking hell! She was wearing the one thing that she knew I couldn't deny, no matter what mood I was in.

Blue lace.

Fuck!

Lowering my face back to her torso, I pressed my lips to the swell of each breast, slipping my hands underneath her as she arched into my touch slightly. I popped her bra open and slid it off of her shoulders. She didn't hide herself from me anymore. The first couple of times I had seen her like this, she had tried to hide herself from me, not getting very far, before I took her wrists in my hands, gently pulling them away from her body, all the while whispering that she was gorgeous and for her not to hide herself from me. She didn't now, knowing that she wouldn't get very far.

I took one of her nipples in my mouth, biting down gently, earning a small gasp from Bella as her hands plunged into my hair, pushing me into her even more.

As she did this, my hand travelled south, but she was so preoccupied with what my tongue was doing, I don't think she really registered my fingers, at least until I slid them inside her that is.

"Edward." She moaned, her eyes sliding shut as her legs fell open, inviting me in. An invitation I took. I removed my fingers, gaining a little whimpering sound as I pulled her panties down, discarding them in the room along with the other articles of clothing we had both shed. Though, I was mostly dressed while she was spread bare before me, that was not the point.

As soon as the scrap of lace was discarded, my fingers resumed their ministrations, moving in and out of her, curving slightly as I encountered that rough spot inside her. I reattached my lips to her nipple, gently biting down and pressing my tongue bar into the sensitive flesh, revelling in the cries and my name tumbling off of her lips in rapid succession as I felt her muscles spasming around my fingers.

Moving quickly, I trailed kisses down her torso, still moving my fingers in and out of her as I placed gentle kisses onto her sensitive skin. She whimpered at the sensation as I flicked out my tongue, the stud coming into contact with her clit. I sucked and nibbled at her flesh, my fingers continuing their ministrations inside of her. Within minutes she was reaching her second climax, making the most primal sounds I had ever heard coming from her as I greedily drank her down, savouring the sweet taste of her before I moved back up and she yanked my head down crashing my lips down onto hers, the rings in my lips no doubt going to leave bruises on both of our lips. Not that either of us cared at that moment.

"Edward." She moaned, my name sounding incredible falling from her lips in that way. "I need you."

"Are you sure?" I whispered, pulling back to look into her eyes. They told me everything I needed to know. She wanted this, as did I, but only if she was one hundred per cent sure. I couldn't handle it if she regretted anything.

"Only if you are." That sealed it for me as her hands moved down to my belt, swiftly undoing it and popping the button on my jeans. "I need to feel you."

I moved away from her, toeing off my shoes and quickly shedding my jeans and underwear, resuming my place above her. I reached into the drawer next to my bed, pulling out a condom and quickly rolling it onto myself before positioning myself at her entrance. We might both have been clean and she may have been on the pill but I still felt the need to be careful.

I looked into her eyes and she gave me a small nod before I eased myself into her, moaning at the feeling. She was so fucking _tight_. It was unbelievable. If I didn't know any better, I would have said that she was a virgin, but unfortunately I did. Not that I wanted to, but hey, we'd needed to have that conversation. It may have been awkward as fuck, but it was necessary before we did anything, especially considering my past.

Once I was fully sheathed inside her, I remained motionless for a moment, allowing her to become adjusted to my presence inside her. Once she moved her hips, signalling that it was alright for me to move, I had a harder time staying in control. I wanted her to find her release again first before I found mine, so that meant keeping what tenuous grasp I had on my control for the time being.

She wrapped her legs around my waist, making every thrust travel deeper inside of her as her fingers gripped my hair tightly. I might have a bald patch by the time we've finished, but hey, it would be fucking worth.

My mouth quickly found her breast again, and she arched up into me, a guttural moan escaping her lips as her eyes fluttered closed and her head fell back onto my pillows. I released her nipple with a pop, kissing up and down her throat, nibbling and sucking as I went, not enough to leave a mark, but enough to elicit a reaction from her.

"Come for me." I whispered, in her ear softly. "Come for me, my love." I gently bit down on her earlobe and she immediately clamped down around me, crying out for the third time in a row. I stiffened, burying my head into her shoulder and gripping my sheets so hard that I was convinced I would have to replace them as I exploded into the condom, finding my own release.

We lay there for a few minutes, unmoving, descending from our highs simultaneously before I climbed off of her, hearing a slight whimper from her at the loss of contact – which, trust me, I was feeling too – disposing of the condom and settling back down next to her, pulling my duvet over the both of us.

"Happy birthday, love." I whispered as she curled into me, her head resting on my chest, right above my heart.

"It's not my birthday, yet." She argued, looking up at me as I turned out the lamp I had left on before going out.

"Actually, it's after midnight, so you'll find, yes it is." I smirked at her and she sighed, her head dropping back onto my chest as I wrapped my arms around her. She intertwined our legs, pulling me ever closer to her and I pressed several feather light kisses onto her forehead and into her hair.

After a few minutes, I heard her breathing level out and I knew that she had fallen asleep. I closed my eyes, resting my head back on my pillow, allowing the darkness of sleep to wash over me, a smile that always seemed to be present in Bella's company on my face.

_***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***_

The next morning I was awoken by something incredibly annoying. I opened my eyes, squinting against the sunlight that was pouring in the window, trying to find the source of the annoying sound.

"It's Alice." Bella mumbled from next to me, her eyes still closed. How _did she know that_? "It's my phone." _That's how, then._ "Ignore it, please."

"Done." I sighed, closing my eyes and drowning out the irritating noise. Bella seemed to be adept at disregarding the tiny machine as it droned on and on. And thankfully, being attuned to listening to Jake, or not as it were, I had developed that particular skill as well.

I wasn't sure how much longer it was, but there was a knocking on my front door, pulling us both out of our slumber.

"Alice." We both moaned at the same time. "Can we get rid of her?" I asked and Bella giggled a little.

"Probably not." She moaned, trying to roll over. "She's got all these plans for me today."

"Well, I don't want to let you go." I decided, clutching her ever closer to me. "It might be your birthday, but you're mine today."

"Fine by me." She grinned at me before the knocking was replaced by a pounding. "They won't leave."

"How do they know we're here?" I asked, confused, sitting up slightly.

"It's Alice." She shrugged, sitting up also, not realising that the sheet covering her had fallen down. That was until she caught me staring, blushed and covered herself up.

"Please." I rolled my eyes. "After last night, _now_ you're embarrassed?" She shrugged and I laughed, moaning as the knocking resumed, joined with Alice's voice. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but I didn't want to know.

Just then, I had an idea.

"Quickly, get dressed." I grinned and winked at Bella. I threw myself out of bed, reaching into my dresser, knowing that she was watching me and not really caring. I turned and threw her a pair of sweatpants and an oversized jumper, urging her to put them on. I pulled out the same thing for myself and threw it on, moving over to the bed.

"You know what I've noticed?" She looked at me, an eyebrow raised.

"What's that?" I asked, confused.

"None of your sweats have the elastic around the bottom." She smiled at me and I shrugged, pulling her up off the bed.

"I don't like the elastic. Feels weird." I grabbed both of our phones, tucking them into the pockets of my sweats and opened the window, pulling Bella over to it. She looked at me, completely freaked before taking a step back. "Trust me." I urged her, but I could tell that she didn't in this instance. "There's a wide ledge that runs down to the fire escape." I climbed out the window, standing on the ledge as she walked over and leaned out. "Look." I pointed to the escape and she smiled, following it up to the roof, catching onto my plan. She carefully climbed out of the window before I closed it, leaving it just so that we could open it again from the outside. I carefully led her across the ledge to the escape, allowing her to climb up first.

"This is all very Mission Impossible." She giggled, stepping up the rungs carefully.

"Escaping Alice is an impossible mission, so it fits." She laughed and continued climbing.

Once we reached the roof, we clung to each other, laughing as we sat down.

One of the phones in my pocket starting going off and this time it wasn't a ring tone, so I knew it was mine. I handed Bella hers before flipping mine open and placing it to my ear. Bella gave me a look that said 'what the fuck are you doing?' but I held up a finger, telling her to let me deal with it.

"Hello?" I asked into the phone, already knowing who it was.

"_Edward?"_ Yup, it was Alice. "_Let us in, Edward. It's Bella's birthday and I have so much planned for her."_

"Um . . . Alice, I can't let you in." I glared at Bella who was nearly laughing out loud next to me.

"_What do you mean, you can't let us in?"_ She didn't sound happy and if I didn't know any better, she would probably explode if I told her where we were.

"Well, I can't let you in because I'm not in my apartment." And cue another 'what the fuck' look from Bella.

"_Where are you?"_

"I decided to take Bella out." I winked at her and she smiled at me.

"_Where?"_

"Ah ah, no." I shook my head, even though she couldn't see me. "Not happening, Alice."

"_But I've got so much that I want-"_

"And Bella told me what _she_ wanted to do today, so we're doing what _she_ wants. Seeing as it is _her_ birthday, Alice. Not yours." I rolled my eyes.

"_Wherever you are, it sounds windy." You have _no_ idea._

"We're walking at the moment." I lied smoothly, feeling better about getting away with it knowing that she couldn't see me.

"_When are you going to be back?"_ She was getting impatient and I had to bite my lip to stop from laughing.

"I don't know." _However long it takes to get down from the roof._ "Whenever Bella wants to come back."

"_Ring me when you're on your way back, and it had better not be too late."_ With that she hung up and I stared incredulously at the phone.

"That was genius." Bella praised, her arms slipping around my waist as she settled into me. We knew that we couldn't go down yet, because even if they did leave right away, they'd probably see us up here, or we'd run into them on the way down, because hopefully the roof access would be open and I could get my spare from Mrs. Nichols, telling her that I'd managed to lock us out of my apartment. She'd give me the spare, so it would be alright.

We stood up, keeping low as we watched the street for signs of the others.

"There." Bella whisper shouted, pointing to two couples that were definitely our friends walking down the street. I wanted to feel bad for them, but I really couldn't, because I got to spend the day with my girl.

After they turned the corner, I made my way over to the roof access, thankful that it was open and ushered Bella inside and we quickly made our way down the cold stairs and into the warmth of the building.

We got into the elevator, holding onto each other closely, still revelling in the post euphoric glow of last night. I had finally gotten over whatever demon it was that was keeping me from sleeping with Bella. And I couldn't be more happy about it.

One floor down, another couple got in. They were dressed in suits that were obviously designer, looking down their noses at Bella and I, who stood there trying not to laugh at their expressions. I think they were trying to figure out how to phone security without making a scene.

We got off two floors after the Stuck-Ups got on, much to their displeasure and I told Bella to wait by my door as I knocked gently on Mrs. Nichols apartment door.

She opened it slowly, cautiously, grinning widely when she saw it was me standing there, looking confused at my attire.

"Hello, Edward, dear." She poked her head out of the door and looked down the corridor at Bella who gave her a small sheepish wave. She waved back, smiling brightly at her. She loved Bella. She thought that she was a wonderful girl, especially after she helped her with her groceries a couple of times. But then again, who didn't love Bella. "What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering, do you still have the spare key to my apartment that I gave you?" I ran my hand through my hair, hating to have to ask for it. "I've kind of, locked us out of my apartment." I shrugged as she shook her head slowly before disappearing into her apartment. I kept an eye out for escaping cats – seeing as she kept two of the kittens and the mother of them as well.

She appeared moments later, giving me the 'silly boy' look that your elders were always able to do no matter how old you were. It was kind of disconcerting actually. I thanked her for the key and let Bella and myself into the apartment, heading straight for the bedroom and curling up under the duvet again, holding each other close.

"You know, if we stay like this all day, this might be the best birthday ever." She sighed, her head resuming its normal spot on my chest.

"I hope so, love." I whispered, pressing my lips into her hair. "I hope so."

I just hoped she liked the gift I'd bought her. Hopefully, she wouldn't kick up a fuss.

After all, it pretty much represented how much I felt for her. The complexity of my feelings.

_God, I hope she likes it._

_**There we go. I thought that Edward had had enough drama for now so there's a somewhat fluffy chapter for you. For all you drama lovers, there will be some soon, so don't worry. I know there's a good few of you out there, who love your drama and angst. But there is a lemon in there, so you can't have too much of a go, right?**_

_**Again, you can thank Shelby who I have now employed as my official arse kickery person if I get lax on updating. Well, I haven't employed her, per se, she just does it.**_

_**Leave me a review and let me know what you think. Even if it is to bash me for taking forever to update.**_

_**I am sorry about that.**_


	14. Time To Learn

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I did just get an Industrial last week and I love it. The bar is blue and yellow candy cane and its awshum! My mum wasn't too impressed though. Oh, well.**

_**Oh, yeah! New Moon! Everyone who's going to see New Moon today, put your hands up! *Waves hands dancing around*. Am squeeing right now. **_

_**Thanks again Shelb. Probably wouldn't have gotten this out without you and your pitchfork.**_

**_And also, if you could find it in your hearts to vote for Eternally Damned over at the Silent Tear Awards then I will love you all even more than I do already. :: Link is on my profile._**

_What a night for a dance,  
You know I'm a dancing machine  
With a fire in my bones  
And the sweet taste of kerosene_

_I get lost in the night  
So high I don't want to come down  
To face the loss  
Of the good thing  
That I had found_

_Woo hoo hoooo  
Woo hoo hoooo_

_In the dark of the night  
I can hear you callin my name  
With the hardest of hearts,  
I still feel full of pain_

_So I drink and I smoke  
And I ask if you're ever around  
Even though it was me who drove us  
Right in the ground_

_See the time we shared it  
Was precious to me  
But all the while  
I was dreamin of revelry_

_'Revelry' - Kings Of Leon_

_***~* Bella *~***_

I couldn't help but grin as I curled up with Edward.

The last twenty four hours had been perfect. Well, other than the Bella-Barbie session that had happened before we'd met the boys and the little run in I'd had with one of Edward's exes in the restroom. But other than that. Utter perfection.

Hell, if I was going to go that far, the last few weeks had been incredible. What with finding Edward and getting through all of the emotional stuff and just . . . being with him.

I realised that this was all I had needed all along. What I felt I was missing when I looked at my friends and family.

It wasn't that I needed a boyfriend, because I had tried and failed with them. There had been two or three over the years, none of them really fitting with me or sitting well with my friends. None of them had ever really turned out right. But being here, in Chicago, I realised what I needed.

I needed Edward.

He was the other half to my whole. Everything about the two of us just clicked. The way his body moulded around mine, the way he would move when I did without even realising it. The way he always put what I needed first. _That_ was something my exes had never done.

Seeing Edward in the club made me want him even more. He was so gorgeous.

And he was so _mine_.

As I lay next to him, watching him as he slept, I couldn't believe that I could call this glorious creature mine.

I gently ran the backs of my fingers over his cheek, smiling to myself as I remembered getting home from the club last night. I couldn't have imagined anything more perfect when it came to Edward. It was nothing like I had thought it would be. Honestly, I didn't have any idea what I thought it would be like, but it blew my mind.

It had been two hours since we had made our little escape from Alice and the others onto the roof. Well, mostly Alice. We had come back down via the roof access, earning some very sour looks from others who obviously lived in the building. I was tempted to just stick my tongue out at them as they stood there, obviously judging the two of us, but I managed to rein myself in. Which was a shame, because I knew it was something Edward would have found amusing as well.

He shifted next to me, and I gently ran my fingers over the shell of his ear, stopping when I discovered the ball coming out of the top. I mean, I knew it was there, but I'd never felt it before. It was strange as I kept my thumb on the top ball and gently slid my finger down as though I was holding the bar up between my thumb and index finger. I was really strange thinking that the piece of metal between my fingers ran through Edward's ear, puncturing his skin.

If only I could remember what it was called.

"An Industrial." Edward murmured, his eyes opening slightly. _Did I say that out loud?_ "Yes, yes, you did."

"Fair enough." I chuckled slightly, twisting the bar, watching as it turned. The only way I knew that it was turning was because there was a little nick in the middle of the bar, that moved when the bar did.

"That tickles." He smirked at me, his eyes closed again. I placed my legs either side of his hips, effectively straddling him as he lay on his side, my legs locking him in place where he lay as I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his ear, taking one of the balls into my mouth and slowly sitting back up.

"Bella." His eyes shot open as he glared at me through the corner of his eye, unable to turn his head to look at me. I released the ball in my mouth and he flopped back onto the bed, rubbing his ear a little.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" I asked him, a little worried that I might have.

"No." He shook his head, looking up at me and I smirked, widening my legs, allowing him to roll onto his back as I leaned down to kiss him. His tongue flicked against my lip begging me to allow him into my mouth and I obliged, feeling naughty today and knowing that I could get away with it because it was my birthday and . . . well, because it was Edward.

As his tongue touched mine gently, I pulled it back and took the top ball of the bar running through his tongue in between my teeth, smirking to myself.

"Be-ya." He tried saying my name, but without being able to use his tongue, it was a little difficult for him. "Be-ya." His hands made their way to my hips as he tried to free the bar from my teeth, to no avail. Actually, I was starting to see how he had managed to damage his teeth on this thing. Started to hurt after a while. Being as gentle as I could, because I know that there was a chance I could hurt him, no matter how long he's had his tongue pierced, I opened my teeth and enveloped his tongue in my mouth, not allowing him to break free. He moaned into my mouth and I pushed him backwards so that he was lying on the bed, his head pressing into his pillows with the force I was using against him.

I knew that he was going to stop it soon. He would stiffen up and we would have to stop. I didn't think that I'd ever be able to fully dominate him as he could do to me, but I wasn't too fussed. He was mine and that's all that mattered to me.

We had sat down and talked about what happened when we were together. He told me that, even though he wanted me in the same way I wanted him, he couldn't seem to push that night away. At first I found that odd, because there had to have been girls in the past. Well, I _knew_ there were girls in the past because we had had _that_ conversation as well, but you get what I mean. He explained to me that even though, yes there had been girls in the past, there was so much emotion running through him when he was with me and because I wasn't just someone random – imagine my surprise when I discovered that pretty much everyone Edward has slept with has been a one night stand. _Not_ something I was expecting – girl, but because it was me, the images and feelings from that night kept coming back to him. Maybe it was because I was part of his past and he associated his past with what had happened to him – something he needed to get out of doing – without his mind being able to differentiate between the fact that being with me and the others was something he _wanted_ to remember, whilst what had happened to him that night was not.

I felt him stiffen beneath me, even though his lips kept up the movement with mine, but I took the cue and knew that he had been pushed far enough. We wouldn't be able to do anything more at the moment. We had tried once, but it had been an almost repeat of when Emmett had him in a headlock, just without the yelling and revelations that came after it.

After that we had learned that there was only so much his mind could handle.

Something in the back of my mind told me that Edward most likely needed to talk to someone about everything. Keeping it all locked inside was not good for him. It would only lead to a much greater pain when everything became too much and he finally snapped. I knew that it would come and I think he did too. It was just a question of when.

I hadn't broached this with him, knowing that he was a very proud man and probably wouldn't go anyway, not even if I asked him to go once and if he didn't like it, not to go again. We had never talked about him seeing a therapist, but I knew the others were thinking it as well. Personally, I knew that he needed to be in therapy when it had first happened. It might have done something to aid the nightmares he was having now.

They had become more frequent recently and I was glad that we had taken to sleeping with each other now. Not _that_ kind of sleeping together – well, after last night, apparently, that way works too – but I now found it almost impossible to sleep without Edward there. It seemed to be the same way for him.

But him having constant nightmares was starting to worry me and I knew that it was only a matter of time before he snapped.

I slowed the kiss down, letting him know that I had realised he was starting to panic and rested my head on his chest gently, slipping off of him to lay on my usual side of the bed, resting my head above his heart.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, playing with my hair gently. I looked up at him and the expression he wore made me want to clutch him to me and smack him at the same time. He looked upset with himself and frustrated at the same time. He was probably angry at the fact he had come so far last night – no pun intended there – and now he was back where he started. In his eyes at least.

"Don't be." I whispered, pressing a kiss to his chest through his shirt as I ran my fingers across the skin of his defined, taut stomach. I had discovered that me gently tracing my fingers in random patterns over the skin of his stomach bought him comfort, something I would dish out whenever I could. "You know what would be amazingly sexy?" I asked him, and he looked up at me, confused.

"What?" He asked, tensing slightly as my fingers ran over a sensitive spot. He was ticklish. Very ticklish on his sides. Apparently, it had taken Jacob forever to get the tats done because he had been laughing as he did his sides. According to Jake it was worth it because it had been hilarious. Only Edward would laugh when getting a tattoo.

"If you got your belly button pierced." I whispered in his ear softly.

"Not a fucking chance." He chuckled, turning on his side as my finger traced around his belly button.

"Why not?"

"Just because." He mumbled, batting my hand away from his side as he tensed. I smirked, knowing that I had hit a ticklish spot of his and did it again. He grumbled and squirmed away from me, trying to get away from my tickling fingers, but he didn't get very far before I was fiercely wriggling my fingers on both of his sides and he was wriggling and squirming like a snake trying to get away from me.

I pressed my lips to his and stopped moving my fingers against him, my hands splaying out around his hips, feeling the taut muscles underneath me, revelling in the knowledge that I was the one that got to view the mystery of his ink whenever I felt like it. Knowing that he was mine was something incredible to me. I wouldn't be relinquishing that privilege to anyone in the world. Ever.

"Well, that woke you up, didn't it?" I smirked down at him from my vantage point above him as he scowled at me.

"That was just mean." He muttered when he had caught his breath and I couldn't help but laugh at him.

"No." I shook my head, still smirking down at him. "That was just my criminal cunning."

"Criminal cunning?" He snorted, rolling his eyes at me. "Bella, love, I think Porky Pig has more criminal cunning than you do. What?!" He laughed as I smacked him lightly on the chest before I removed the t-shirt he was wearing.

"I'm going to ignore that comment." I replied defiantly, resting my head on his gorgeous stomach, tracing the lines of ink across his skin before circling my fingers around his belly button.

"I'm not getting it done." He said, his tone final.

"Not even as a birthday present to me?" I looked up at him through my lashes and saw that he was giving me a look that told me what I was playing at wasn't washing. But it was saying something else as well. "You already got me something, didn't you?"

"May-be." It was drawn out as he pulled one of the rings in his lip into his mouth. He hadn't changed them back after our night out last night. I'd since then decided that I preferred the rings and wanted him to wear them all the time. I wasn't sure that he'd go for that, though. He was a little OCD about his little routines, but I'd try my luck.

"Edward!" I gave him a small punch on the stomach and he laughed slightly, so me being the eternal adult, stuck my tongue out and pouted at him. "I told you I didn't want anything for my birthday. Besides . . . you already gave me the best present."

"What?" He looked confused so I pulled my way up his body, resting my arms either side of his head, gently pressing my lips to his, pulling away before it became too intense that I forgot what I was saying, as is generally the case when kissing Edward.

"You." I whispered and he gave me a small smile. I sighed gently, resting my chin on his chest, running my fingers over the shell of his ear again, playing with the balls of his Industrial as I gazed at him. "I know how what it must have taken you last night. And it was the best birthday present I've ever had. You giving me that, what you did last night, your trust, it means more to me than any present you could get me."

He thought about this for a moment, his eyes contemplative, before smiling slightly. "It's not working. I've still got you a present. It's in two parts and one of them isn't finished yet, so unfortunately you can't have it today, but soon."

"Okay." I rolled my eyes, my head bobbing up and down with the movement of his chest as he chuckled at my reluctance to accept presents. "You should know by now, I don't like presents."

"And you should know by now, that I don't care." He tapped my nose, smiling at me as it crinkled slightly under his touch.

I sighed, laying my head flat against his chest, loving the way his skin felt under my cheek, the way the muscles of his chest flexed as he drew and released his breath.

I was right in my little epiphany.

All I needed was Edward.

"Do you have some little fascination with my ear or something?" He asked, amusement in his tone.

"I just like playing with the balls, that's all?" I smirked next to his skin upon hearing him moan slightly.

"Bella." His tone was rough and low and I knew that I'd struck gold. "You have no idea . . ."

"No idea about what?" I asked, looking up at him innocently.

"What you do to me." His eyes were dark and full of lust. A deep jade green rather than the normal emerald of his timeless orbs.

I slid my hand south, gently grazing his growing erection with the tips of my fingers, a smirk on my lips. "Well, I think I can guess." I moved up so I was hovering over him, my lips millimetres from his.

"Bella . . ." He breathed, his breath warm against my lips before I closed the small space, slipping my tongue in between his lips, feeling the ball of his piercing against my tongue. I sighed into his mouth and his fingers glided up my arms before wrapping around me, clutching me closer to him. I pulled away and smiled down at him, watching his eyes darken even more, so that they were almost black. I gave him a chaste kiss before slipping out between his arms, hearing a growl coming from him. "Bella." His tone was warning now and I giggled, turning to look at him over my shoulder.

_My God, he's really mine_.

There was nothing I wouldn't give to see him like that every minute of the day. Sitting there, shirtless, his inked skin almost glowing in the sunlight coming through the window, the result of my teasing clearly visible through his sweats. He might have had a scowl on his face, but that only added to his bad boy image.

"You are going to be the death of me." He growled, launching himself off the bed towards me. I squealed and quickly dashed out of the door and down the hallway, trying to check for Nix anywhere around whilst dodging Edward's hands at the same time. I might be able to multi-task, but that was pushing it a little.

Luck wasn't on my side as two heavily inked arms flew around my waist, clutching me to a hard chest. "That wasn't very nice." He growled into my ear, causing moisture to pool in between my legs. This man had me under his very control without even trying.

"I know." My breath caught as he ran his nose gently up the column of my neck, his breath gently catching my hair, causing it to brush against my skin. "Edward." I couldn't bring myself to be embarrassed at the desperation in my voice as I felt the monstrosity he called a dick pressing into my back. I honestly had no idea how he fit that thing inside me last night, but I knew that I had to have him again. Now. "I need you."

"Fuck, Bella." His tone matched mine and it made me smirk internally with the knowledge that I had the same effect on him that he did on me.

He spun me around in his arms, his mouth quickly crushing to mine where I was met with the contrasting hardness of the steel rings and the softness of his lips which I loved. _Definitely get him to wear the rings more often._

His hands slid down my back, coming to rest on my ass as I jumped lightly into his arms, my legs encircling his waist, my arms locking him to me as they crossed around his neck. He walked towards the couch, supporting my weight with his arms as he lowered me down onto the cushions. I was so glad he had covers on his couch because I had heard leather was not good against a bare ass. Not much give according to Rosalie.

His name tumbled off of my lips as his fingers dipped below the waistband of my sweats, allowing him access to the place I wanted the most attention. He smirked against my skin when I let out a gasp as his fingers flicked my clit once before circling it slowly, ignoring it all together. He ran his fingers up and down, circling my entrance before coming back up to tease the tender swollen flesh that wanted his attention more than anything.

"Fucking hell, Edward." I growled, biting down on his earlobe, taking one of his plugs – as he'd informed me they were called – into my mouth and sucking on it, earning myself a moan. "Stop teasing."

"Are you sore?" He asked me, his voice low and husky.

"No." I shook my head as I looked him in the eye, knowing that the lust I was seeing in his was present in my own. I knew that he would be able to tell if I was lying, so I didn't even bother.

"Good." He moaned, crashing his lips to mine as he plunged to fingers deep inside of me before withdrawing them almost completely.

"God, Edward!" I clutched onto his shoulder, my nails digging in and no doubt making marks on him. Not something I was completely adverse to. After all, I had marked him visibly in _Twilight_ the night before, showing that biatch who Edward was with now.

I sure hoped that the walls of his apartment were thick because if not then his neighbours would be wondering what the hell was going on to cause the primal moans and screams that were coming from me as he fucked me with his fingers, them curling with every thrust, hitting the sweetest of spots, each and every time.

"Come for me, love." He whispered in my ear. "I love to see you come for me." His lips slowly made their way down my neck, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. I whimpered at his words, feeling the intensity grow to boiling point, but it was when I felt his teeth on my neck that I came undone, letting out a scream as my entire body tensed up, clinging to Edward as though he was the only thing that tethered me to the earth. "God, you're beautiful." He whispered against my skin, pressing soft kisses to where he had just bitten me.

As I came down from my high, I lifted up his head, which was lying on my chest and pressed my lips to his gently, placing my hands flat on his chest, pushing him backwards towards the other end of the sofa, moving with him.

I pressed myself into him, feeling him harden ever further with my actions. I moved my lips of his, trailing kisses down his chest and stomach, feeling his breathing intensify with my movements. I looked up at him as I reached the elastic of his sweats, seeing his eyes dark and full of lust as he watched me hook my fingers underneath the fabric and slowly lower them, giving him the chance to stop me if he needed to. He lifted his hips so that I could remove the annoying article of clothing, which I did, pulling them off his legs and discarding them on the floor.

I would never get tired of seeing Edward naked. Never.

He was gorgeous clothed, but completely bare he was glorious.

There was no other word for it.

I pressed kissed up his thigh before running my lips up his shaft, flicking my tongue out to graze the piercings. The groan I got in return was enough to tell me that he wasn't going to stop what I was doing. Looking at his face, I realised that even if he wanted me to, he wouldn't be able to stop me. I loved knowing that I could incapacitate him in that way. Of course, if he wanted me to stop, I would. I just hoped he didn't.

I closed my mouth around his length, using my hand on the portion that wouldn't fit in my mouth. I looked up at his face to find that his head had fallen back onto the arm of the sofa, his lips slightly parted, indicating that he was indeed enjoying what I was doing to him.

I ran my tongue over the balls at the head of his penis, managing to twist it slightly and he groaned loudly, his hands fisting the cover of his sofa.

I moved my free hand over his thigh, reaching in between his legs to cup his balls lightly, teasing them with my fingers.

"Fuck, Bella!" He hissed as he pulsed in my mouth. I could feel his muscles tightening and I knew that he was close to his release.

"Just let go, baby." I whispered, releasing him for a moment. "Just let go." I refixed my mouth onto him, not moving, just sucking whilst simultaneously kneading his balls and he groaned loudly, coming undone in the way I wanted him to. I drank him down greedily, licking up and down before I trailed kisses up his stomach, before finding his mouth. He groaned into my mouth as he tasted himself on my tongue. "You're beautiful." I whispered against his lips. Normally, he would have had a comeback or some witty remark for that, but at the moment, it seemed as though he was tongue-tied. Literally. By me.

I don't know how long we were sat on the sofa – well, he was lying on the sofa and I was sitting on top of him – but eventually he went to sit up.

"Bella." He chuckled softly, reaching around me to unlock my arms from his waist. "Okay, love. It's alright for you. You're still dressed. I, on the other hand, am not, and the curtains are open."

I shot up, noticing that the curtains were in fact open. I felt my face flush as he chuckled, slipping on his sweats before standing up and pulling me up with him. "Come on." He whispered, wrapping his arms around me again. "Let's take a shower."

"What?" I raised an eyebrow at him, confused, to which he laughed again.

"We both kind of need a shower." He looked between us and I flushed again, nodding slowly as he led me down the hallway.

"Now." I bit my lip, pressing him to the wall. "Is that separately or together?"

"Whatever you want, love." He whispered, pressing his lips to mine before we entered the bedroom again.

"I think . . . together." I smirked at him as he walked over to the bed where Nix had appeared. She was curled up in the middle of the bed, clearly making herself at home. I had been wondering where she was actually. Maybe the afternoon antics between Edward and myself were a bit too much for her. But then again, she wasn't even a year old, so really, we should be careful.

"Be careful about what?" Edward was standing there, towels in hand, looking extremely confused, one pierced eyebrow raised as he looked at me.

"Around Nix." I grinned at him. "I mean, she's not even a year old. We need to be careful about what she sees."

"You're kidding me, right?" I swear, had we been a cartoon, his eyes would have bugged out of his head at my statement. It was obviously clear that he had been thinking of something else. Maybe it was linked back to . . . Nope! Not going to think of that today.

"Nope." I shook my head, marching into the bathroom, waiting for him to follow me as I undressed. I heard the shower turn on as I took off my shirt and I looked in the mirror, just in time to see his naked ass disappear into the shower, seeing something I hadn't noticed before. But then again, all the other times he'd been naked, I'd been focused on something else, so even though his ass was nice to look at, it wasn't really my top priority.

It most definitely was now.

I turned around and marched over to the shower, opening the door. He stood there in front of me, in all of his naked glory – though I still think he would look sexy with a belly button piercing. Maybe I could convince Mae to help me with that one. – looking confused as to why I was standing _outside_ the shower when he was obviously _inside_.

"Are you okay?" He asked, sounding slightly worried.

"Turn around." I told him and he looked taken aback. "Go on. Turn around."

"Why?" He sounded wary, his eyes narrowing at me.

"There's something I want to see." I told him and I heard him groan slightly, though this time it was through aggravation at something. I hoped that it wasn't me. "What?"

"I've been waiting for you to notice that." He sighed, turning around so I could see his ass and I couldn't help but smile at what I saw.

It was a unicorn.

Tattooed onto his right ass cheek.

"Do I want to know?" I asked, running my finger over his gently.

"No." I answered quickly, turning around and shaking his head.

"Will you ever tell me?" I asked imploringly, wanting to see it again.

"You'll have to get me drunk first." He challenged and I picked up the invisible gauntlet with relish. There was so much here that I didn't know about. So much that he had done and achieved here in Chicago. I couldn't help but what to know about it all.

"That can be arranged." I smirked, slipping off my sweats and climbing into the shower after him.

He pulled me close, clutching me to him as we stood under the spray of hot water. I'd decided long ago that I love Edward's shower. The shower head had different settings that could be just incredible after a long day and if you pushed a button on the wall, it produced jets of water that massaged your back. I had wanted to ask where he got the money to pay for it, but I didn't. It was none of my business.

He reached behind me, picking up my shampoo and squirting some into his hand before running them gently through my hair, working out all the tangles and knots, lathering it up on the top of my head. He leaned my head back slightly so I could wash out all the product before doing the same with the conditioner, being so gentle the whole way through that if I hadn't been facing him, I wouldn't really have known he was doing anything.

After washing out the conditioner, he grabbed my shower lotion and began to slowly wash my body from head to toe. Literally. He thought that tickling the bottom of my feet when I was standing on one foot in a slippery shower would be amusing. Of course, he didn't let me fall. I didn't even wobble.

When he was finished, I showed him the same affection, from washing his hair, to cleaning off his body. The whole thing was incredibly erotic, but didn't hold the same sexual tension as previous exploits have. We were purely learning each other. Well, what we hadn't already learned that is.

After we got out of the shower, Edward made his way into the bedroom wearing a towel that really shouldn't be classed as such it was so small. But then again, that might be my own engineering. He walked over to the dresser and took out a pair of boxer briefs, dropping the towel and pulling them on as I sighed, standing in the doorway, loving the way his muscles flexed as he moved. After he had the underwear on, I noticed that you could visibly see the horn of the unicorn over the elastic. I really couldn't fathom how I hadn't noticed it before.

"It's rude to stare, you know." I looked up at him to see him smirking smugly at me as I stood there.

"Not when the object is worth staring at." I replied giving him a smirk of my own.

"Worth staring at, am I? I just knew that smirk of his was getting bigger even though I wasn't looking at his face anymore.

"Definitely." I mumbled and he laughed at my admission. I wasn't embarrassed about it. He was gorgeous and I wasn't going to dispute that. I made my way up to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and rested my head don his chest, sighing gently as I closed my eyes, listening to the loud thud of his heart. "Thank you." I whispered as his arms came around me, squeezing me softly.

"For what?" He asked, his tone confused as I looked up at him.

"The best birthday."

"The best birthday?" He asked, a pierced brow rising incredulously. "We haven't even done anything."

"That's what makes it the best birthday." I told him, leaning back slightly, watching his expression turn from bewildered to plain fucking confused. "Every year, Alice and the others have always had something epic planned for my birthday – which is par for the course of Alice, as you'll remember –" He nodded, grimacing slightly at the memory. "But today . . . not doing anything. It's been . . . incredible. I would gladly stay like this with you every day."

"Unfortunately, we have to get back to the real world though." He sighed gently, pressing his lips to my forehead.

"Not until Monday." I smiled up at him and he nodded, his lips crashing to mine as my towel fell to the floor.

This was definitely the best birthday _ever_.

_***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***_

Monday came around all too quickly and I hated it.

Edward and I had spent Sunday in pretty much the same way we had Saturday. Something Alice wasn't too pleased with. We'd turned off our phones and ignored them banging on the door. I was sure that Alice wanted to abduct me and make Edward pay for stealing me away – even though we didn't actually go anywhere, but sshh, she doesn't know that – from her on my birthday.

I much preferred the way I had spent the day compared to whatever it was Alice had planned for me.

Edward had been cryptic about his gifts – apparently there was more than one – for me, but he had said that one of them wasn't ready yet, so I couldn't have them. Now, this might shock you, but I kind of wanted them, even though I hated presents. I know, shocker, right?

"Hey." Jasper called, catching up to me as I left the school building. "You alright?" He asked as I started walking again. "What happened to you two over the weekend?"

"Nothing much." I answered truthfully. _Other than Edward and I had _lots_ of sexy times? Nothing really._

"I know that smile." He grinned at me as we walked and I had a hard time not grinning like a Cheshire cat back at him. "You and Edward . . .?"

"I swear, you are as bad as your wife." I laughed and he shrugged, not really able to argue with me on that one. He was like Alice. A little too much for his own good, but I could tell that he really didn't give a damn.

"So what did you do on Saturday, then?" He asked, letting his little revelation go, unlike Alice who would have pestered until she got all the answers she wanted.

"Nothing." I laughed and he looked down at me, confused, as I knew he would be.

"But Edward said that you were-"

"Edward said that to get rid of your little wifey." I explained and a devilish smirk passed across his face. "Don't tell Alice, but when Edward picked up the phone and she said it was windy . . . we were on the roof." I couldn't help but grin at his outburst of laughter. "We didn't really do much. It was nice to just . . . be, you know?"

"Yeah." He nodded, still chuckling as we walked. "Headed to the shop?"

"Yeah." I nodded, biting my lip and looking down at the ground. "You coming?"

"Alice's shop doesn't close until six, so yeah." He nodded, slinging an arm around my shoulder as we walked, chuckling to himself, muttering things every so often.

We made it into the shop to see Seth and Mae talking about something or other, that I had no clue about. I could feel the crackle in the air, telling me that Edward was in the building. That he was close. I loved having this sort of extra-sensory thing when it came to Edward It made me feel connected to him in ways that others weren't.

But the thing I didn't like to think about was the fact that it had always been there, ever since we were three. We just hadn't known what to do about it. Missed opportunities. I change what happened now, but I can sure as hell try to make up for them.

"Where are the guys?" I asked, setting my bag down and hopping up on the counter next to Mae.

"Jake is out getting coffee and your guy is with a client." Mae winked at me and I knew that she knew what had happened over the weekend. I swear, she and Alice must have secret meetings that the rest of us don't know about. "He'll be done in about fifteen minutes." Like Alice, I trusted Mae's judgement, so I shrugged and turned to face Seth.

"How much do you charge for an Industrial?" I asked him and he looked at me, a little confused.

"Normally around fifty dollars or so, but if you're looking to get one, then I wouldn't be charging you." He shrugged and I pouted at him.

"Come on, I-"

"No." He cut me off, holding up a hand. "I don't know what you've done for him," he nodded behind him to where Edward was in his private room, "but it's changed him so much. He's so different to the Edward we've known for the last ten years or so. He's completely new."

"Actually, he's more like the old Edward." I clarified and they both smiled at me. I looked over at Jasper who nodded and grinned. He could see it too. Edward was loosening up again and we could see more of the old Edward in there. The Edward that existed before that fucked up summer happened and we all fell out because of things that should and shouldn't have been said.

I was asking Seth this now because ever since I had toyed with Edward's on the morning of my birthday, I really wanted one, and even though it would probably be frowned upon at work, I wore my hair down the majority of the time anyway, so I didn't really think it would make that much difference.

"So . . . does you're asking about them, mean you want one?" Seth asked, a small grin appearing on his lips and I nodded, biting my lip. "Cool." His grin widened as he stood up, towering over me. "You wanna do it now or . . .?"

"Are you free now?" I asked him and he nodded, grinning.

"I don't have another appointment for about . . ." He drew his words out as he looked at the appointment book, running his finger down the column that had his name at the stop. "An hour." He grinned at me, holding out his hand as he straightened up.

"Don't you think you should let Edward know?" Mae asked, and edge in her tone that I didn't understand. Why would Edward really care if I put something through my ear? I mean, it's not like it's going to debilitate me in any way.

"Nah." Seth waved her off and led me into his private room.

It was designed in almost the same way as Edward's. The décor was dark, but it worked in making the room seem large at the same time. I looked at the walls and saw that they were covered in pictures of piercings that he had done. I wouldn't be able to become a piercer. I wouldn't be able to put needles through people's skin all day. But then again, I guess you get used to it after a while, just like anything really.

Seth got me to lay down and asked me which side I wanted it done. Something told me Edward was going to be a little apprehensive about this, but once he got over the initial idea of me having another piercing, he'd be alright.

Ten minutes later, I walked out of the room, Seth following me with a grin on his face, as he informed me about how to clean it. _I_ then informed _him_ that I was basically living with Edward, and he would be OCD about it. He seemed to agree with me on that one.

When we made our way out to the main area of the shop, Edward was standing at the counter, accepting payment from a girl, who was looking at him like he was a piece of meat. Granted I might look at him in the same way sometimes, but hey, he was mine. I was allowed to.

Okay, he had the money in his hand and she'd been given a pot of Tattoo Goo to help with the healing, so why was she still standing there laughing? I know I was being stupid possessive crazy girlfriend here, but hey, she ain't getting her hands on my boy.

"Hey." I whispered in his ear, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Hey." He slung an arm around my shoulders and pressed his lips to my forehead, silently telling me that he knew what I was doing. I was staking my claim. Practically marking him as mine. Which I noticed, he didn't seem to have a problem with. I looked over at the girl and saw her making devil eyes at me. I smiled smugly back at her, resting my head on Edward's chest. Something was different. I wasn't sure what, but it was. I resolved to find out what later, preferably when we were alone.

"Bye, Ed-ward." The way she drew out his name as she turned around shaking her ass too much to be a natural sway, I couldn't help but let out a laugh.

Edward looked down at me, raising an eyebrow at me as he turned around and leaned on the counter. "So, missy, tell me . . . what was all that about?"

"She wanted to fuck you." I stated plainly, shrugging. "So I thought I'd let her know you're off limits."

"It's true." Mae sung from the other end of the counter, where she was filing her nails waiting for Jake to return. "That's why she included her phone number in that little pile of twenties you just put in the register." She grinned over at us as Edward opened the register and took out a small stack of twenties, flipping through them. Sure enough, about three notes down there was a white slip of paper.

_Call me, cutie._

_Irina_

There was a phone number underneath it and I laughed again. _Cutie?_ That's not really a name you assign to Edward. Gorgeous. Magnificent. Beautiful. Any of those, but the only time he's cute is when he's asleep, and _I_ was the only girl who saw that.

I took the number from him, folded it up and put it in my pocket, smirking at him.

"Bella, what are you doing?" He asked, his tone curious, but not really wanting to know at the same time.

"Oh, nothing." I sang, winking at Mae who winked back, smiling.

"It's a girl thing, Edward." She hopped off the counter, walking past me and I slipped her the paper, knowing that Edward would probably try and take it out of my pocket to save me from doing anything stupid with it. "You wouldn't understand."

"No." He shook his head, mumbling something slightly. "And I don't think I want to."

"Good boy." I pressed a kiss to his lips gently.

"Good boy?" He asked, incredulously. "What am I? A dog?"

"No." I shook my head, smiling up at him. "Dog's behave better than you do." He was about to answer me when he was cut off by the door opening.

"Hey!" Jake walked through the door, with more than just coffee in his hands. Of course, he had the coffee, but he had bags of other things as well.

"What's that?" Edward asked, sounding curious as he moved over to meet Jake, wincing ever so slightly as he grabbed one of the bags. Had he hurt himself? I don't think anyone else noticed it, but seeing as I was so in tune with how Edward was, it wasn't something that escaped my notice.

"Beer!" He exclaimed excitedly, grinning widely at me. "We didn't get to celebrate Bella's birthday properly seeing as these two disappeared on Friday night and didn't reappear until this morning, I thought, that as none of us have an appointments after Seth's in ten minutes, we close up early and drink ourselves stupid."

"Sounds like a good plan." Mae nodded, turning as the bell above the door jingled and Alice, Rose and Emmett walked in, grinning. Alice made her way over to me, giving Edward a slap on the arm as she passed him, obviously letting him know she wasn't impressed over Saturday and would deal with him later, pulling two bottles of tequila out of her bag and placing them on the counter in front of me. I looked at Jasper who smirked back at me, knowing what had happened on Saturday. I knew he wouldn't tell her, but we all knew she'd find out eventually. Alice always did. But her reaction would be even funnier the longer we put it off. Or is that we'd be in more trouble the longer we put it off? I don't know. Probably a mix of both.

"Party." Emmett grinned, staring at Edward and I knew what was going through his mind. _Truth or Dare._ They were an integral part to any party as far as Emmett was concerned. It might have seemed childish to some, but when you add in alcohol and Emmett, the kiddy stuff goes out the window.

Seth's appointment came in, probably a little freaked by all the people sitting in the waiting area, confused as to why she was called through when there were so many people. She and Seth were in the back for about ten minutes or so, in which time, Tanya arrived, bringing wine. It seemed that the only ones who hadn't know about this little soiree were Edward and myself, but then again, they'd probably planned it while we were wrapped up in our own little bubble over the weekend.

I was sat on Edward's lap, my head on his right shoulder, which was odd, because normally I rested my head on his left, just able to hear his heart beating. There was something going on, I was sure of it, but other than the little wince earlier, I hadn't seen anything out of the blue with Edward's behaviour, so I let it go for now.

"Alright, alright, alright, alright." Tanya was waving her hands in the air, quelling a minor quarrel that was happening between Emmett and Alice. Emmett had just told Alice that she was not allowed to wear anything other than baggy jeans and hoodies outside of the apartment for a week, something she definitely did _not_ want to do. "Alice, it was your dare. You have to do it. From tomorrow until Monday, you are not allowed to wear anything other than jeans and hoodies."

"They've got to be baggy." Emmett put in, earning another glare from Alice.

"Fine." She crossed her arms, her gaze flicking over the circle of people in front of her. "Edward." He tensed slightly underneath me. Alice was known for her evil dares, because hell, no one ever chose truth in this game. Especially when you played with the Cullens. "Truth or dare."

"Dare." He replied confidently, his fingers drumming a light rhythm on my hip. They had been playing the same rhythm all evening and I wondered what it was. I couldn't place it, but then, I remembered that Edward used to come up with his own compositions, so it was probably one of those.

"I dare you to. . ." She drummed her finger on her chin lightly, thinking before smirking at him and winking at me. I raised my eyebrow at her, wondering why the hell she was winking at me. "I dare you to get your belly pierced."

His jaw dropped open and his gaze snapped to me. I shook my head, holding my hands up in surrender. "I didn't say anything to her. I swear."

"She didn't." Alice shrugged, an evil smirk on her face. "I just know these things."

"Come on, big guy." Mae stood up, being the only one who hadn't really been drinking this evening. I think she'd had half a can or something like that, claiming that she wanted to remember the rest of the night.

"No." Edward shook his head so quickly it was almost comical. "Not a chance. No."

"You gotta do it, Edward." Tanya sung, taking another gulp of her wine, effectively finishing the bottle off. She frowned at it as though the action would make more of the liquid appear.

"Come on." Emmett and Seth stood up. Seth pulled me off of Edward, as Emmett grabbed him around the waist and threw him over his shoulder.

"Emmett! Put me down!" I couldn't help but giggle as Emmett carried Edward around the corner and out the back with Seth, Jake and Jasper following, after Mae, who was smirking at us as we laughed.

"He's such a baby." Alice giggled and I shook my head, finishing off both mine and Edward's beer.

"No. He just really doesn't want it done." I clarified and Rose laughed behind her hand.

"Please, it's not like Alice dared him to get his dick pierced." She, Alice and Tanya found this extremely funny while I bit my lip, wondering if I should burst their little bubble or not. Just as I had decided not to, Rose gasped and my head shot up, and found the three of them staring at me. "He's already got it done, hasn't he?"

"Oh, my God!" Alice and Tanya synced and I raised an eyebrow at them. "Does he?" Tanya asked eagerly.

"I'm not going to say." I replied, not looking at any of them.

"That means yes." Alice looked at Rose and Tanya and the two of them nodded.

"Definitely." They all smirked at me, their attention piquing as the door behind me opened up revealing Jasper, Jake, Emmett, Mae and Seth who were all looking very smug and a very disgruntled looking Edward. He was clearly not happy about Alice's dare.

"Right, Edward." Emmett grinned as they sat down. "Your turn."

It turned out that Alice was going to pay for that one, because Edward dared Jasper to lock Alice's closet for the week of Emmett's dare _and_ to take her credit cards away, meaning that she couldn't buy any more clothes. I knew that that would be more painful for Alice to endure than Edward getting a new piercing would be.

"Can I see?" I asked him in a whisper and he smiled against my skin.

"When we get home." I know it was silly of me, but I couldn't help the butterflies that started when he said the word 'home'. I brought about images that I'd thought I'd never have. Even though he was smiling, I knew that he wasn't happy about what had just happened. He hadn't wanted it done, and even though I wanted him to have it done, I wouldn't have pushed him too hard. Alice's dare, even though it had basically gotten what I'd wanted, it had done it in the wrong way. Oh well, it was over and done with now, so there wasn't much anyone could do about it.

The dares continued getting even more and more stupid as the evening went on and the more alcohol was consumed. By the end of the evening Rosalie had to walk into the city library and ask one of the employees where the books were, Jasper had to stand in front of City Hall holding banners and a blown horn stating that the south will rise again in a Texan accent for an hour, or until he was arrested. Either one would be fine, but I think that we all knew he was going to be arrested first. Emmett had to get his nipples pierced – when Mae or Seth were sober that is – Tanya had to speak in quotes from Pride and Prejudice for an entire day at work and then pretend not to have any clue what anyone was talking about if asked about it, Jake had to walk sideways everywhere when he left the shop, Mae had to talk to everything in her bag when she took it out, which would be really amusing when she went on the coffee run and Seth, in my opinion had the worst dare of all. He had to flirt with Lauren.

Edward and I finally left the shop at about two am and I knew that I was going to be dead tomorrow. I didn't really care though as we made our way back to my place. We had snuck back there last night, Edward running home this morning and afternoon to feed Nix before heading into work. Poor thing must be really confused with the turn of events over the last few weeks.

Collapsing on top of him on my bed, I smirked down at him.

"Can I see?" I asked him and he nodded. I pulled up his t-shirt and saw the same white square over his belly that I'd had over mine. I gently pulled it away, seeing something I hadn't been expecting. Instead of it being like mine with just the one bar at the top, there was a bar going straight through, piercing the top and the bottom of his belly button, with a gem resting in the middle. "Wow." I whispered, pressing a kiss to it gently before climbing up and hovering over him, being careful not to disturb it. "That's hot."

"I'm glad you think so." He replied, sarcastically and I laughed a little, resting my head on his shoulder, directly above his heart. Again with the weird feeling. I lifted my head and ran my fingers over where it had just been feeling a difference in how it felt underneath his shirt.

Before I could ask what had happened, if anything, he spoke, catching me off guard. "Do you want part of your present?" He asked and I bit my lip.

"Part of it?"

"The rest is at my apartment." He explained and I nodded. "I'll get it tomorrow."

"Okay." I nodded and he removed his shirt, and I watched in awe as his ink came into view. It would never cease to strike me dumb every time I saw him like that, undressed or undressing for me. It was more than I could ever hope for. As he sat back I noticed that there was another square of bright white above his heart, to which he nodded. He'd gotten a _tattoo _to commemorate my birthday?! "Can I?" He nodded.

I reached forward, being even more gentle with this one than I had been with the piercing and pulled it away from his skin, unable to hold back the gasp or the tears that welled up in my eyes as I took in the image etched forever onto his skin.

It was a perfect rendition of the photograph we both had of the two of us. The one I had been looking at one of my first times in his apartment. We both looked so carefree and young. Who would have thought that was the summer everything changed? But wait, Edward had said that it was the only time that year he was truly happy. Even in the tattoo you could see the glitter in his eyes. It was perfect. It was still red because it was clear he'd had it done today, while I was in school, but that was beside the point. It was still perfect.

"Well . . .?" He sounded nervous and I looked up at him, seeing that he had sucked one of the piercings in his lip into his mouth. "Do you like it?"

I couldn't answer with words, so I crushed my lips to his, pouring all my love and devotion to him into the kiss.

"I'll take that as a yes, then." He chuckled as we both broke away to breathe.

_You better had boy_.

_**So what do you think of the first part of Edward's present to Bella?**_

_**Let me know.**_

_**There's a link to Edward's unicorn on my profile. Ignore the background to it. It's just the unicorn.**_

_**Leave me a review. New Moon today! Whoot!**_


	15. Broken Minds and Shattered Lives

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I think my addiction to my piercings and tats is growing – if that's even possible – seeing as on Friday, I got my tragus pierced. Mwahaha! And for all you dirty pervs who aren't sure what a tragus is, it's nothing like **_**that**_**! (Because you know some of you were thinking it. Admit it!) It's part of your ear! I have a link on my profile.**

**Also, a couple of you were asking about what an Industrial piercing looked like, so I've added a link to a piccy for you.**

**Also, I wasn't able to find a link to the actual piercing, but there's a link to the bar that Edward now has in his belly on my profile as well. It should give you an idea what it looks like.**

**Enjoy!**

_'Fret for your figure and  
Fret for your latte and  
Fret for your lawsuit and  
Fret for your hairpiece and  
Fret for your prozac and  
Fret for your pilot and  
Fret for your contract and  
Fret for your car_

_It's a bullshit, three-ring circus  
Sideshow of_

_Freaks here in this hopeless, fucking hole we call LA  
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.  
Any fucking time, any fucking day,  
Learn to swim, see you down in Arizona bay.'_

_'AEnema' - Tool_

_**Edward**_

Knowing that Bella liked her present – well, the part of her present that she had seen so far – relieved me endlessly. Some small part of me thought that she would freak out, think I was moving too fast, think I was crazy or whatever, but hell, shut me up and call me Edna! She fucking loved it!

I didn't think anything could break the little bubble that I was living in at the moment. I know it sounds cheesy and I really need to check to make sure that my ballsack hasn't gone on vacation, but I was on cloud fucking nine.

The heinous little machine Bella liked to call an alarm clock destroyed that though, didn't it?

As I brought my hand down onto it, smirking to myself as I heard and felt the plastic crunch under the force of my blow – knowing that I'd broken it, _haha! two points to Edward!_ – Bella rolled over, mumbling something about not letting him know. _Not letting who know what_? I was confused. Who was she keeping things from? I didn't really want to believe it, but I was worried that it was me. Would she keep things from me?

She rolled over again, resting her head just below where the picture of the two of us from that summer was now permanently etched onto my skin, as though, even in her sleep, she knew that it was there and it was sore. How the fuck did she know shit like that?

She mumbled again about there being something 'sisters shouldn't know about' and that just confused the fuck out of me. What the hell was going through her mind at that moment?

I looked down at her, smirking, loving how innocent she was when she was sleeping. The way her eyelashes cast slight shadows on her skin from their length and the way her lips pursed slightly when she was dreaming. The way her hair was spread out over my shoulder and the pillow, a deep dark, almost black in the faint light, contrasting against the gold of the bedset. _Okay, Cullen. Ready to trade in your nuts, yet?_

"Already got . . . pierced . . . doesn't need . . ." She continued to mumble as I tried to work out what she was saying, trying to link it all in together.

_Shit!_

'Something sisters shouldn't know about?'

Fuck!

I had the feeling that Alice and Rosalie knew about _all_ of my piercings. Great. That would be fun if and when I saw them again. Hopefully, they'd had enough to drink to erase their memories of last night.

I looked down at Bella upon feeling her stirring and she opened her eyes slowly, looking up at me, a sleepy smile spreading across her face and I couldn't help but smile back as I wriggled down to face her. She pouted at me but quickly stopped when I pressed my lips to hers chastely. I pulled away from her and she smiled at me, her fingers running up and down my side gently. She wasn't trying to start anything. She was just being her.

But fuck! If only she knew what that was doing.

Hell, if she moved her leg just a little in that direction, she'd know _exactly_ what she was doing to me. Actually, she probably already knew. Fucking vixen.

"How's this?" She asked, her finger gently circling my – now pierced – belly button.

"Sore." I shrugged. In all honesty, I'd forgotten it was there. She looked up at me, her eyes pleading with me to keep it in and fuck it all, I would because of that fucking big-brown-eyes-pout. She'd been using that pout ever since she discovered how well it worked when we were five.

And it still worked and she goddamn knew it.

"You're not going to take it out, are you?" She asked, her voice matching that wide eyed, innocent stare she was giving me and I sighed, dropping my head into the crook of my elbow.

"If it makes you happy, love, I'll keep it in." I sighed and she grinned at me, squealing a little. I half expected her to start clapping as well. "Now . . ." I looked into her eyes and she stared back, her expression worried. "What did you girls talk about after I'd been abducted?"

"Nothing." She whispered quickly. _Too_ fucking quickly.

"You're a shit liar." I smirked at her as she blushed, ducking her head down underneath the comforter. I flicked it back with a finger, revealing her lying there with her hands covering her face. "What aren't sisters supposed to know that they apparently now do?"

"That's not fair!" She pointed at me, a scowl on her face and fuck me if it wasn't the cutest thing I'd ever seen. _Yeah, Cullen, you really are a fucking girl!_ She was like a kitten trying to take on the big bad tom cat. "You know I can't control what I say in my sleep."

"I know." I nodded, resting my head on my arm, smiling down at her as she huffed. "And that's why I'm using it to my advantage. Now . . . what did you girls talk about while Mae was busy shoving a needle through my belly?"

She smirked a little when I said it like that but I didn't care. It didn't hurt now and it hadn't when I'd had it done. Even though they'd all known I didn't want it done, they wouldn't relent. That was one of the reasons I'd dared Emmett to get his nipples pierced. Which should be happening today, I remembered. If Mae or Seth weren't too hungover, that is or it'd have to wait till tomorrow.

"Um . . . well, they thought that you were being a baby, what with the protesting and all that . . ." I snorted at that and she smiled. "So I said that you just really didn't want it done, which I knew you didn't."

"And you really didn't say anything about it to Alice?" I raised an eyebrow and she shook her head.

"I didn't. I promise. The only one I said anything about that to was you on my birthday." The look in her eyes told me that she was being completely honest with me, because as I said earlier, she was a shit liar.

"Carry on." I prodded and she smiled nervously and nodded.

"Well, Rose then said that it wasn't as though you were . . ." She trailed off and looked away from me before I pulled her back with my thumb and forefinger on her chin.

"As though I was what?" I asked and she blushed. I already knew what she was talking about, but watching her get all embarrassed was some cute shit and I just had to do it. It was like some mandatory crap or whatever.

"Getting something else pierced." She whispered in a voice so small I actually had to strain to hear it, despite the fact that I was no more than a fucking inch from her.

"Like what?" I asked, feigning innocence and she blushed a deeper red. I wondered if she would ever turn back to her normal colour. "It can't be that embarrassing. Seriously, like what?"

"Your dick." She whispered and I raised an eyebrow, pretending not to have heard her.

"What?"

"Your dick." She said louder and I chuckled as she blushed again.

She hid underneath the comforter again, wrapping her arms around my waist and burying her head in my stomach, pressing her lips to the barbell that ran through it gently, making sure that her hair didn't get caught up at all.

She resurfaced after about five minutes or so, still a faint pink colour as I chuckled. "So what happened after that?" I asked her and she scowled at me for making her carry on with the story.

"Well, let's just say that they know that you _do_ have it pierced. I didn't say anything to them. I think the lack of response from me when she said that gave it away." She rushed her words and I couldn't help but chuckle at her.

"Love." I smirked at her as she looked at me with wide eyes. "I kind of guessed." I admitted and she glared at me.

"You're saying that you _knew_ they knew about it and made me tell you anyway?" I nodded, unable to hide my smile as she glared at me again, pushing herself away from me.

"You're not mad at me, are you?" I asked her as she lay there, eyes closed and jaw set.

"Yes." She mumbled but not quite convincingly enough. I made my way over to her, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her to me gently as she tried to push me away. Her attempt was pitiful to say the least as I brushed my lips over the skin of her shoulder, knowing she loved the contrast of my lips and the steel that ran through them. "Edward . . ." She moaned lightly and I knew that even if she was truly mad, she wouldn't stay that way for long.

She rolled over and crashed her lips to mine, the force pushing me over onto my back a little as her hands found my hair.

"I don't have time for this." She whispered, disappointed, glancing at the clock on the bedside table, her brow furrowing. "What happened to my alarm clock?" She looked down at me, raising an eyebrow.

"We might have had a minor disagreement." I shrugged and she scowled at me again. It didn't last long before she chuckled lightly and pressed her lips to mine.

Her hair fell like a curtain around us as she pushed me back onto the bed gently. I ran my fingers through her hair, as I always did, revelling in the softness of it, breathing in its intoxicating strawberry smell.

_Hang on a second._ I pulled away from her as I tucked some of her hair behind her ear. There was something the matter with her right ear. I pulled the hair away and she bit her lip as I saw what was up with it.

She'd got an Industrial.

"When the hell did you get that?" I asked her, unable to take my eyes off it.

"Yesterday when you were with that bleach blonde." She told me and I could feel my face scrunching up. _Bleach blonde?_ "The girl that decided she was going to slip you her phone number." She added on when I didn't respond. _Oh, her!_

"Wait! I was with you for hours after that, and not to mention the whole night as well, how come you didn't mention it?" I asked, looking at it once again. It was a bright red, which was to be expected and the cartilage of her ear was swollen. The swelling would be gone in up to two weeks, but the entire piercing would take months to heal properly. I knew that mine took almost a year to heal completely.

"I was waiting for you to notice it." She shrugged and I rolled my eyes.

"You really think that I'm going to notice it when pissed?" I asked her and she grinned, obviously not caring.

"You never know." She shrugged and I couldn't help but chuckle at her. Trust her to think like that.

"Let me see it properly." I pushed her up gently and she sat next to me, pushing her hair out of the way as I took a closer look. Obviously she hadn't cleaned it last night, so she would need to do so this morning. I couldn't help but grin at the sight of the surgical steel running through her ear. "Miss Swan I do believe I'm becoming a bad influence on you."

"How do you know it was through seeing yours that I had it done?" She asked cryptically and I chuckled.

"Because none of the others have one." I told her and she scowled at me, knowing that I had beaten her that time.

It was true though. Well, not completely. Mae did have an Industrial, but it was a vertical Industrial and even though it was classed as the same, it looked completely different to what I had running through my ear. Jake and Seth didn't like the thought of having a needle shoved through the top of their ear, which I thought was absolutely fucking ludicrous, considering Seth is a fucking _piercer_ and Jake has probably got piercings fuck knows where. Well, I didn't want to know where.

"Oh." She thought for a moment, obviously trying to remember if she'd seen one on the others before sighing in resignation. "Well, then Mr. Cullen, it seems you _are _a bad influence on me."

"You love it." I smirked at her and she blushed at me in response.

"I do." She sighed, running her fingers through my hair gently. "What can I say, I can't resist the bad boy image."

"Who says it's just an image?" I quirked an eyebrow at her and she giggled lightly.

"We both know that you're not really a bad boy." She pressed her lips to mine before jumping out of the bed and running into the bathroom. _Spoil the fucking moment, why don't you_?

I lay back on the bed, sighing as I threaded my fingers through my hair. I didn't have any appointments until eleven, but I would get up soon and walk Bella to school as I always did. The only time I hadn't was when I'd had to meet up with our suppliers because someone got the fucking order wrong and they wouldn't come to the shop to fix it. Fuckers! Which meant that I had to be over in Evanston at eight in the shitting morning. Hell, I was so pissed, I think the guys balls retracted into his body before I could shove them back up there myself. Needless to say, he gave me what I wanted pretty damn quickly.

I looked at the bathroom door and smiled, knowing that Bella was in there. I couldn't believe how quickly my life had turned around in just over a month and a half.

Yeah, I thought I'd been dealt the shitty end of the stick when they turned up here after so long, and after Emmett's not so courteous greeting of Emmett-fist-meet-Edward-face. When they'd first arrived, I thought I wanted them to leave. To disappear and leave me alone the way I had been for ten years, but now, I was glad that they'd pushed. I was glad that they knew what had happened to me because now they knew, there wasn't a festering secret between us anymore.

I looked at the clock again and saw that the date was the sixteenth of September. Even though it was over two months away, my mind flicked to Christmas. What would be happening then? Would they be going back to Forks? Would they want me to go with them? What about Thanksgiving as well?

The guys here and I had a little tradition when it came to Thanksgiving.

We had our own reasons for hating the holiday. Jake's father, Billy, had been in an accident when Jake was twelve, immobilizing him from the waist down, which meant that the role of caregiver and receiver was switched overnight. Something that took Jake a while to get used to. He never really had teenage years to speak of. He'd always had to be there for his dad in some way or another. On Thanksgiving day, when Jake was seventeen, Billy accidentally swallowed a small turkey bone and it got lodged in his throat. There was no one else there, because he and his dad lived alone – his mother had passed away when Jake was a child and his two older sisters had moved out, getting on with their own lives – and Jake wasn't able to help him. When the ambulance arrived, it was too late and Billy had died. It was never really a good day for him.

Seth never really had a childhood at all. What with his parents being too busy with whatever they were drinking, smoking or getting high off of. And who they were fucking of course. Seth was often left to fend for himself pretty much all the time until he was taken out of his parents house by social. Even then, he hadn't really been looked after until he'd gotten out and found Jake. The two of them together became each other's family and they were all they'd needed for the time being.

Mae had never had a family Thanksgiving. Her parents came from money, and thought that that was all that was needed to make her happy. They didn't know their daughter at all, buying her things she didn't want or need, calling her by a name she hated. Where the hell her parents came up with her name I don't know. I mean, who calls their child 'Renesmee'? Hence the reason we just call her Mae. That and the fact that we'd all like to keep our bollocks. Her parents had always abandoned her at the holidays. From the end of November until about a week into January she was on her own. It didn't really matter to them that her birthday was smack bang in the middle on the fourteenth of December, did it? They'd left her. Abandoned her when being with her family was probably what she needed. Instead, she got left on her own all day while the maids and other house staff spent it with their families.

I hated all their parents. Well, except Billy, because . . . you know, that shit wasn't his fault. But Seth and Mae's parents, I could and given the chance, _would_ quite easily wring their necks.

As for me, well you know my story. Up until that year, I didn't really have a problem with Thanksgiving. I mean, there was always the awkward relatives, the people overstuffing themselves with turkey and all the other seriously bad for you food that everybody eats no matter how health conscious you are because it's Thanksgiving and you can do what you fucking want.

But that year, everything blew up. And I hadn't been able to get past it.

Because it wasn't Emmett or one of the others like it normally was.

It was Esme and Carlisle.

_~Flashback~_

_I really didn't want to do this._

_I didn't want to have to sit there surrounded by my family and people that used to call themselves my friends – and their parents – and pretend to be thankful for whatever shit had happened this year._

_I'd even gone so far as to lock myself in my bedroom and my en suite to make sure that no one could find me. I hadn't gotten any sleep the night before and I was exhausted. Leaning my head back on the wall, I closed my eyes, listening as people milled and talked around downstairs. I'd told my parents that I wasn't feeling well, so hopefully that would dissuade them from coming to get me._

_I don't know what time it was when my eyes opened again, but I did know that there was a pounding on my door and someone was yelling furiously._

_And it was on my en suite door._

_I realised that I must have fallen asleep and had flopped down on the floor while I was unconscious. I sat up, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my forehead on them as I took deep breaths to calm myself down. They were pissed at me. I understood that. I think I would have been as well, but it didn't make it hurt any less. _

_I knew that I had to try and stop feeling like this, or else I wasn't going to be able to let it go._

_I didn't hold out much hope that that day would come any time soon._

"_Edward." I heard a calm, yet furious voice on the other side of the door. "Edward, we know that you're in there. Come out here." I shook my head as though he could see me through the thick wood of my en suite door. "Edward, open the door." I wrapped my arms around my knees, placing my forehead back onto them. I didn't know why I was acting this way. It wasn't as though I was afraid of him or anything. But then again, on some level, I _was_ afraid of him. I hadn't let Emmett, Jasper or even my own father touch me in months. I barely let myself be in the same room with them alone._

_I _was_ afraid of them. Of him. Of my own father._

_I knew I should probably be getting help for how I was thinking and feeling. Some post traumatic stuff probably, but I just couldn't. Not now. Not after this length of time. Who'd believe me anyway?_

_I heard him sigh and his footsteps moving away from the door as he left my room, the door slamming behind him as he stormed down the stairs._

_Lifting myself off of the floor slowly, I realised how stiff I really was and stretched out. I made my way out into my bedroom slowly, grabbing an oversized sweater that I'd stolen from Emmett about a month ago. I wasn't even sure if he was aware that I had it. All I knew was that I needed something to feel closer to my older brother._

_Even when he didn't feel the same way._

_I sat on the couch I had in my room, revelling in the softness of it compared to the hard, cold tile floor of my en suite. I looked at my bed, not really wanting to climb into it yet. It looked so far away and foreign. That was the place I revisited my own personal hell every single night. For most, the bed was a place of comfort, somewhere where you can unwind at the end of the day, reading a book or just drifting off to sleep, but for me, it was nothing of the sort. It was a place I went to when I wanted to feel like dying yet again._

_The door to my bedroom opened again and my father made to go over to my en suite stopping when he saw the door open and me curled up on my couch._

"_Edward." He sighed, relieved and yet frustrated at the same time. He put his hand behind him and Emmett reached out, taking something from him before heading back down the stairs, sensing that he was not really welcome at this point in time. "What the hell was going through your head today? Where were you?"_

"_Up here." I replied, my voice monotone and flat._

"_Why didn't you come down for dinner?" I heard my mother's voice ask as she stepped out from behind my father._

"_What was the point?"_

"_The _point_ as you so eloquently put it was to eat dinner with your family and friends." My father replied and I snorted at the notion of having any friends left and any family that didn't hate me._

"_Right." I chuckled once, shaking my head. "A family that is pissed and me and friends that hate me. Great way to spend the day."_

"_Look, I don't know what's going on with you, Edward." My father sighed as he stood in front of me. Literally, like a step away from me and it was freaking me the hell out. I tried not to shy away from him as I naturally seemed to do now, but it was hard. "But what I do know is that you embarrassed both your mother and I this afternoon. It wasn't just us today. We had Bella and her parents round, Rosalie and Jasper with their parents, we had your cousins, aunts and uncles and the whole time there was one empty seat, glaring out at us. Your grandmother was sitting opposite where you were supposed to be and she was remarking on it. And you _know _that she doesn't notice _anything_. Why didn't you come down, Edward?" He was getting more and more worked up. To be fair to him, that _was_ a lot of people downstairs, but I really couldn't find it in myself to care._

_I shrugged, sighing gently. It's not like I would have been the life and soul of the party, would it? "I don't know. I guess I decided not to go down and sit with a load of people who don't really give a shit what anyone else is talking about. I decided not to go downstairs and pretend to give a rat's ass about anything anyone had to say. I decided not to go downstairs and act like I was thankful for anything when I sure as hell am not! You're embarrassed because I stayed up here? Well, I saved you a lot more embarrassment by staying out of the way. If I'd gone downstairs everyone would have known what a fuck-up son you actually have. It's bad enough that Bella, Rosalie and Jasper have to see it on a regular basis, but I didn't think you'd want to broadcast it around, now would you?"_

"_Why are you talking about yourself like this?" Esme asked, sounding out of breath as though she'd just run a marathon._

"_Because every word I'm saying is true." I snapped back, not wanting to be rude to my mother but unable to control it either. "I wonder, if anyone would actually notice if I wasn't here. If anyone would actually notice that if I disappeared. Just left. No note. Nothing. Just . . . left. And you know what? I don't think anyone would. Because who wants to step out and help the now reclusive Edward Cullen? No one gives a fuck anymore, so why should I?"_

_In all honesty, I think I heard the contact that the hand made with my face before I felt the back of his hand across my cheek._

_My head snapped to the side and stayed there out of pure shock. Neither one of my parents had _ever_ raised a hand to Alice, Emmett or I before and it was just my luck that the first time would happen to be me, wouldn't it? Yeah, alright, I was being a dick, but that was not something I needed right now._

"_Edward." My father sighed sadly, regret emanating from his tone. "Edward, I-" He placed a hand on my arm and I shrugged it off, not wanting the contact. He must have thought it was because of the slap, and I couldn't bring myself to correct him. "Edward, I'm sorry, I-"_

"_Get out." I whispered, closing my eyes as my tears fell. "Both of you." They didn't move and I didn't look at them as I opened my eyes slowly. "Please, just get out."_

_My parents both left, not really sure what to do as they closed the door behind them, my mother's soft sobs giving way to her shouting and raving at Carlisle as they made their way into his office to hash it out._

_I had never felt more alone than I did in that moment._

_I had hoped that someday – and hopefully someday soon – I would be able to tell my parents what had happened to me. But that hope had been shattered in mere seconds._

_No._

_I would not tell my parents._

_I would not tell anyone._

_~End Flashback~_

Since I'd come to Chicago the four of us had had a basic Thanksgiving tradition. At lunch time, we made ourselves – or rather bought ourselves – turkey sandwiches with a various assortment of snacks and shit and proceeded to get very _very_ drunk. It might seem a little down-and-out to most people with their lavish dinners and whatnot, but for the four of us, it was perfect.

"Hey," a whispered voice brought me out of my visit with the past. "What's this?"

"What?" I asked, looking at Bella who had emerged from the bathroom and was now perched on the edge of the bed next to me.

"This." She gently grazed the pad of her thumb over my cheek, pulling it away to reveal moisture. I hadn't even realised I'd been crying. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." I shook my head slowly, taking a deep breath that's all.

"Come on." She whispered, trying to get me to talk.

"I was just about my Thanksgiving in Forks." I admitted and she sighed gently, pressing her lips to my forehead.

"It _was_ eventful, wasn't it?" She sighed gently, her nails gently scraping against my scalp. I closed my eyes at the sensation, smiling slightly. She knew how much I loved it when she did that. "You don't have to tell me, but . . ." She bit her lip and I knew she was deliberating over what to say.

"What?" I asked and she looked away from me. "Bella, what?"

"I'd gone home with Charlie and Renee by this point, but . . . Emmett and Alice said that Carlisle . . ." She took a deep breath, steadying herself. "Did he hit you that day?" I looked away from her and she immediately brushed her fingers over my cheek where the bruise had been. Yes, he had hit me _that_ hard. I don't think he even realised the force of his blow. It had bruised for a while and only served to remind me of the marks I had received after the attack. "That's what the bruise was from." It wasn't a question, but I nodded nonetheless.

She pressed her lips to mine gently, wrapping her arms around my neck so that I couldn't get away from her even if I wanted to. Not that I ever would, but there you go.

As I was wrapping my arms around her waist, pulling her to me and increasing the intensity of the kiss – as was usual with the two of us – my phone started to buzz across the nightstand. Bella sighed and started to pull away from me, but I held her to me.

"Ignore it." I mumbled, pulling her down so that her lips met mine again. Eventually, the buzzing stopped and I felt triumphant. No doubt it was Alice wanting something or other. She was the only one I knew that would call at this hour. She was early bird in our family. Not me, so it was a good thing that the shop didn't open until ten, wasn't it? It was only a matter of seconds before my phone started to buzz again and I practically growled releasing Bella and grabbing the annoying little machine and glancing at the caller ID. If it was Alice I wasn't going to be happy.

It was Jake.

_That_ was weird. He _never_ phoned me this early. If he had something to tell me he'd usually wait until I was in to let me know or leave it a little later – the one exception being with the fucked up delivery we'd gotten.

"Jake?" I asked into the phone, wondering if it could be Mae using his phone. Daft cow kept losing her own. I swear she needed a fucking beeper thing on it so it let her know when she clapped. Maybe I'd get her one for her birthday or Christmas.

"_Ed, dude! You need to get down to the shop. Now."_ He sounded stressed, which was worrying in itself. Jake _never _stressed about anything. He always took things in his stride and worked things out calmly and coolly. _I _was the stressed one in the partnership.

"What's wrong?" I asked, already climbing out of bed, to a _very_ confused looking Bella and making my way to the dresser I knew Bella had put some of my stuff in, just like I had in my apartment for her.

"_You just need to get down here."_ He repeated, sounding more stressed out by the second.

"Alright, I'm on my way." I hung up the phone, grabbing some underwear and throwing them on, hunting for my jeans. I looked over at Bella, who was looking at me with a perplexed expression on her face. "Something's happened at the shop, or something's going on, so I won't be able to walk you to school today." I told her, pulling on a t-shirt. She looked a little disappointed, but she knew that the shop was my livelihood, so I had to see what was going on.

"Alright." She said softly, sliding off the bed and making her way over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pressing her lips softly to where my new tattoo resided underneath my shirt. I would have to clean it when I got to the shop as I had forgotten to do so last night and didn't really have time to today. Some tattoo artist I am, huh? "I'll see you later though?" She asked and I nodded, pressing a kiss to her forehead and then her lips before slipping on some socks, grabbing my phone, wallet and keys and my jacket, slipping on my shoes and heading out the door.

Because I had stayed at Bella's last night, it was going to take a little longer for me to get to the shop. _What the hell could have happened? We were there last night and everything was fine. What was Jake stressing about?_

When I made it to the shop, the steel shutters that were normally in place during the hours we were closed were up, which in itself wasn't unusual. Jake being in at this time was a regular occurrence if he had a design or something he needed to work on before seeing a client.

Nothing looked wrong from where I was standing on the other side of the street waiting for the slow as a fucking snail Sedan to pass me so I could cross.

As I opened the shop door, I could instantly see what Jake had been stressing about and I immediately wanted to wake up.

The place had been ransacked.

Everything was destroyed.

I slowly stepped into the shop, hearing the tinkling of shattered glass underneath my feet, feeling my mouth drop open slowly as Jake walked out of the back area.

"Destroyed." He threw his hands up in the air. "Everything's fucking destroyed. They took everything of value: the jewellery, the machines, the autoclaves, everything. And what wasn't valuable, they fucking destroyed."

"Jesus." I whispered, looking around. He was right. Everything had been destroyed.

The counters displaying the barbells and other jewellery had been smashed in and were now empty, as were the display cases. The leather couches had been completely sliced open, all the stuffing pulled out and discarded anywhere and everywhere. The display racks that held the designs that Jake and I had come up with either on our own or together had been ripped off the walls, leaving huge gouges where they had been bolted on. The desk behind the counter had been completely annihilated, drawers ripped out and smashed to pieces. It was nothing more than kindling now. There was paper and supplies we used everywhere.

I made my way to my private room, ignoring the crunch of glass underneath my feet and pushed the door open slowly, preparing myself for what I could find.

It wasn't any better in here. Jake was right. They'd taken the autoclave I had in my room – Jake and I both had one each in our private room – and my tattoo machine. It looked like they hadn't been able to find anything else of value – not that there was in here – and had ransacked the room like they had the front of the shop.

I rushed into the room, crouching down in front of one of the cupboards in my room, yanking it open. _Thank God._ I breathed an internal sigh of relief. They hadn't been able to get to the safe.

"I already checked it." I heard Jake said from behind me. "They couldn't get in there."

"Bet you're glad you listened to me when I suggested getting this thing, aren't you?" I wasn't gloating or being smug. There was no place for that at the moment.

It was a good fucking thing they couldn't get in the safe. It was a twelve combination lock and was about three inches thick. Solid steel. Getting the fucker into the shop and in here had been a pain the ass, but it proved to be worth it now. The fact that this baby was holding two grand or so from yesterday's takings was proof of that.

"You fucking better believe it." He sighed. "I've called the cops. They're on their way."

"How the fuck did they get in?" I asked, standing up, glancing around.

They couldn't have gotten in through the front of the shop, what with the steel shutters and if they had, the alarm would have gone off instantly, alerting about half of Chicago and the police at the same time, considering it was wired to the closest station. The back was out since there were only two exit doors, which were connected to Jake and my private rooms and they couldn't be opened from the outside. There were windows in all of the private rooms but they were about eight feet off the ground and weren't small enough to fit a person through. Hell, Jake could hardly get his arm through them. Don't ask why he needed to. Long story. None of the windows had been opened, because we kept them locked and none of them had been smashed in, which meant that they weren't the point of entry. How the fuck had they gotten in?

Just as we were deliberating this fact, Seth and Mae turned up, grave looks on their faces as they gazed around.

"Why would someone do this?" Mae whispered, tears springing to her eyes as she took in the state of the shop.

"Because we've got – or at least, _had_ – a good couple of grand's worth of equipment in here. Maybe more." I told her and she nodded, realising that fact.

The cops showed up about ten minutes later, looking around at what we used to call our business as we tried to find places to sit. I grabbed the chair from my private room – which happened to be one of the only things left in one piece in there – and sat down on it literally moments before they walked through the door.

"Well," one of them said looking around. They were both taking in their surroundings, evaluating the situation before them. "You _did_ get hit hard, didn't you?"

"You think?" Jake snapped back and Mae placed a hand on his cheek, trying to calm him. It seemed to be the only thing that worked at the moment. I wished I had Bella here with me, but I couldn't ask her to come here. Not while she had her own work to do.

"I'm sorry." He held up his hands in a slight surrender at Jake's clipped tone. "I know this has got to be hard for you."

"Hard?" I chuckled, looking up at him. "You think this is hard? No, losing out on a promotion to someone else is hard. Not being able to buy the car or sofa set you want is hard. This? This is not hard. This is our fucking livelihood here. Without this place, we have _nothing._"

"Which is why were going to do what we can to figure out who did this. To stop it from happening again." He sighed, taking out a notebook from some fucking pouch thing he had on his side, making him look like a douche. I swear Charlie never had one of those. I sighed, dropping my head into my hands and running my hands through my hair, gripping it tightly. "This is the fourth shop to be hit in the last two weeks." He murmured to either himself or his colleague and my head snapped up.

"What did you just say?" I asked him sharply and he turned to look at me. "What did you just fucking say?"

"Now . . ." he held out a hand, one finger out slightly as if reprimanding me for something as a parent would a child. "There's no need to get agitated."

"I passed agitated about six stops back." I chuckled, not taking my eyes off of him. "What did you just say about us being the fourth shop hit in the last two weeks?"

The others looked at him quickly and he seemed nervous under the gaze of my friends and I. But then again, three heavily pierced tattooed guys, who can probably handle themselves pretty well is bound to be a bit daunting. Whether you're a cop or not.

"Is that true?" Jake asked, drawing the attention to him. "Are we?"

"Yes." He said slowly, watching each of us as the other cop was as well. "You are the fourth to be hit."

"What the hell?" I cursed quietly. "Shouldn't we have been warned by you guys that something like this could happen? I mean, we've got a bit of a spree going on here, don't you think it would have been beneficial for the both of us if we knew what could happen?"

"We don't have the time to-"

"But you have the time to come down here _after_ we've lost pretty much everything?" Mae interrupted him, her tone angry. "You couldn't have spent a few minutes of your time to come down here or even pick up the phone to call us – because we know that you have both Jake's and Edward's numbers on file, in case of anything like _this_ happening – and warn us about this?"

After Mae's little tirade, the police went about their business, looking for any signs of entry. They asked for access to the upstairs area, which was nothing more than an empty apartment now. It was where I had first lived when I'd moved to Chicago. It was a decent size I guess, covering the expanse of the shop downstairs. One bedroom, small kitchen area, bathroom and a small living area it had been perfect for me when I'd arrived here, but I'd soon found myself wanting something a little more spacious.

They had a look around the small apartment, not really finding anything to go on. It hadn't been occupied in years, sometimes serving as a crash area when one of us was too pissed or exhausted after a long day to make it home. Came in useful.

They stopped on the small landing outside the apartment door, looking up.

"Is this a loft access?" One of them asked and I nodded slowly, wondering what he was getting at. I looked up and saw that it looked as though the slight gathering of dust that we couldn't get to with our cleaning materials – even with Jake swinging a mop at the ceiling, getting everyone soaked in the process – had been disturbed. "Can you get up there?"

"Sure." I thought for a moment, going back into the apartment and grabbing a broom. "But no one's been up there in years." We'd never felt a need to go up there and Mae thought it was creepy so no one did.

The cop took the broom from me, reaching up with it, applying pressure so that it catch released and the door dropped down. He grabbed it so that it wouldn't swing back and hit the door, causing the ladder attached to it to rattle a little. He unlocked the catches the ladder, letting it slide down before letting the little bolts click into place before climbing it slowly, obviously taking my words about it not having been used in years to heart.

"Edward!" I heard Seth call up the stairs and I looked down at him. "What's going on?" He asked and I shrugged.

"They want up in the loft for some reason." I replied as one of the cops up there let out a quiet 'aha' before looking back down at me and disappearing into the darkness of the loft, their flashlights shining. "There is a light switch up there. Right by the door." I called up and immediately the light turned on.

"We found the point of entry." One of them called down to me and I immediately climbed the ladder, pulling myself up into the loft. Other than Mae, I was the only one who could get up here – Jake and Seth couldn't fucking _fit_! – but she found it creepy so I knew it would have to be me that went with them. "Over there." He pointed towards where the other cop was standing and my jaw fell open at what I was seeing.

It was a hole in the fucking roof!

Their words were lost on me as they explained what they must have done to get in the night before as we descended the ladder and made our way back downstairs.

Apparently, what had happened was that one of them had made a hole in the roof and slid down into the loft, when we had all left, and climbing down into the main area of the shop, being careful of the sensors linked to the alarm. They'd somehow managed to disconnect the alarm – though how we had no fucking clue, but it showed recordings of being activated at two-thirty-seven am, when Jake and Mae had left and then being shut off at three-forty-six am – allowing them to open one of the backdoors from Jake or my private room. What they'd done in their time in the shop, we could see plainly.

After explaining their initial theories, they took our fingerprints to eliminate us before they began dusting for other prints around the shop.

"If you don't mind my asking. Who were the others shops that were hit?" Mae asked in a small voice.

They told us the names of three well established shops that we knew well. Mace's, Lilley's and Tribal. Apparently, they'd all been hit as badly as we had.

"Wait, should we warn Masen?" Seth asked, looking at Jake and I. "I mean, he could be next."

"That's true." Jake sighed, taking out his phone and scrolling through his contacts for Masen's number.

Masen was the owner of another tattoo shop in the general area. I wouldn't call him a rival because we were always comparing designs and recommending each other for styles better suited to the other shop if needs be. Seth was right. He needed to be warned about what was happening.

Feeling claustrophobic, I stood up, grabbing my jacket, making sure there wasn't any stray bits of glass lodged in it before I slid it on, walking towards the front of the shop. "I'll be back in a little while." I told them quietly and they nodded, knowing that I needed a little space at the moment.

I pulled my cigarettes out of my pocket and lit one up as I walked, not paying attention to where I was going.

"Edward!" I heard someone calling my name as I wandered aimlessly through the streets. I turned and saw Emmett standing on the other side of the road, wearing his overalls and completely covered in oil and grease. Rosalie was standing slightly behind him, still managing to look glamorous as she stood there in practically the same state as Emmett. I looked behind the both of them, noticing I had made my way to their garage. I crossed the street, shying away from my brother's grease ridden form as he made to hug me. He looked confused before looking down at his attire and laughing. Though that died quickly when he saw the expression on my face. "What's up, man?"

I sighed, shaking my head, running my hand through my hair. "Come on." Rosalie nodded her head behind her and Emmett practically chased me into the office with his oil ridden paws. "What's happened, Edward?" She asked, as I sat down, running my hand through my hair for what must have been the millionth time today.

"The shop's been destroyed." I whispered and the both of them gasped, their jaws dropping and hanging open. If it hadn't been so serious, it would have been comical.

"What?" Emmett breathed and Rose shook her head slightly, blinking furiously. "What do you mean, 'destroyed'?"

"I mean destroyed." I looked at them both seriously. "It literally looks like a bomb went off in there. The display counters and cabinets have been smashed in, there's glass everywhere, the sofas in the waiting area have been completely strewn to pieces, the desk: the only thing that's good for is starting a fire. They took the tattoo machines, the jewellery, the autoclaves, anything of value and destroyed everything else." I blinked slowly, letting out a breath. "There's nothing left."

"Shit." Rose breathed, looking at Emmett.

"Any idea who did it?" He asked and I shook my head.

"No." I breathed slowly. "But apparently, ours is the fourth shop to be hit in two weeks. Like a spree."

"Shouldn't you have been warned about that?" Rosalie asked, sounding pissed at the fact we weren't. Hell, screw the three of us intimidating the cops. We should just send Rose in instead. "That this was a possibility?"

"That's what I said." I nodded, looking down at my hands. "And you know what they said?" The both of them shook their heads slowly. "They didn't have the time to warn us."

"Bullshit!" Emmett growled, his hands fisting. "They didn't have _time_?"

"Emmett, before you carry on, I can guarantee, whatever you're about to say, I've already said, to the cops. It didn't make a difference." I sighed, though it did nothing to satiate him, just as I knew it wouldn't.

"What are you going to do?" Rosalie asked as I dropped my head into my hands again. I felt her perch herself on the arm of the chair I was sitting in and rest a hand on my shoulder.

"I don't know." I sighed, lacing my fingers and resting my chin on them. "We're gonna have to close the shop indefinitely. Who knows how long it's going to take to fix up and even with the insurance we've got on the shop, I _know_ that we don't have the money to do it. We just . . . don't."

"How much is it going to cost?" Emmett asked and I shook my head, indicating that I didn't know. We would have to deal with the insurance company either later on today or first thing in the morning. "Well, maybe you _could_ afford it . . ." He started, trailing off before finishing the sentence and I sighed, running my hands through my hair again, shaking my head.

"No, Emmett." I answered, glancing up at him, seeing him sharing a conspiratorial look with Rosalie. Huh? Am I missing out on something here? "I know for a fact that we don't have the money-"

"But _you_ might." He cut me off and I looked at him, completely confused.

"What are you talking about?" I asked and he rolled his eyes as though I was missing something huge.

"Your trust fund." He said simply and I knew that my confused look had just amplified. "From when Grandma and Grandpa Platt died."

"I have a trust fund?" I asked, sounding like an idiot.

"You didn't know you have a trust fund?" He asked and I shook my head silently. "You've been able to get into it since you were eighteen."

"I guess we know why there were never any withdrawals." Rosalie said as though my discovery that I had a trust fund solved a great mystery. "You seriously didn't know?"

"No." I shook my head as I looked between the two of them. "Even if I did, I probably would have left it alone."

"Like the good little saver you are." Emmett said but it wasn't in a teasing way. The situation was too serious for teasing.

"How much is in there?" I asked and he shook his head, shrugging his shoulders. _Not helpful, Emmett._

"I don't know." He shook his head again. "The only ones who do are mom, dad and the lawyer in charge of it. Well, mom and dad knew how much was in there before you turned eighteen. After that they weren't allowed to know seeing as it was now transferred into your name. I'm sure you could work it out."

"Great." I moaned, my head dropping back into my hands. That meant that if I wanted any chance of getting the shop back to the way it was, I was going to have to talk to my parents to get the information I needed. Not something I wanted to think about right now.

"They're still in Chicago, you know." I looked up at Emmett and he nodded slowly. "Well, Mom pretty much works from her Blackberry now and Dad has taken an indefinite leave from the hospital."

"They're still here?" I asked, not really believing him.

"Yeah." He nodded slowly as if he was trying to judge my reactions. "They didn't want us to tell you because they wanted to give you space, hoping that you would come to them. We tried to tell them that it was useless, but they wouldn't listen. They haven't left since they first got here."

Shit. I hadn't known they were here. What the hell?

But then again what would I have done if I _did_ know? Would I have done anything about it? Probably not. I probably would have tried to ignore the fact that they were in the same city as me. Running. As fucking always.

"Does Bella know?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Girl wouldn't be able to keep something like this from you, and honestly, we didn't expect her to, so we didn't tell her. I know it was wrong not to tell you guys, but it was what they asked us to do." He sighed, running his hand through his hair, much like I did. "But I'm telling you now, because it seems they could really help you."

"I don't know, Em." I shook my head slowly, not knowing what to do. I knew that I needed to get some money together. We had to be able to get the shop up and running before too long. But I didn't want to face my parents. I didn't know whether I had the strength to do that or not.

Did I?

For Jake, Seth and Mae?

Yes, I fucking did.

They'd poured everything they had into that business, just as I had when I'd joined them, working the hours, putting in the effort when it came to remodelling. As Mae had said earlier, it was our livelihood. We had nothing else. We had to put it back together.

We had no other choice but to.

"Fuck it." I sighed looking at Emmett. "I gotta . . . for them."

"You gonna call them?" He asked, raising an eyebrow and I nodded slowly, closing my eyes. "When?"

"Now." I breathed, slowly. "Before I bow out like the chicken shit I am." Emmett picked up a phone that I guessed was his, scrolling down to a certain number and handing it to me.

"All you gotta do is hit send." He told me as I took the phone from him.

I took a deep breath and hit the button housing the little green phone, holding Emmett's phone to my ear.

"_Hello_?" I heard my mother's voice on the other end, sounding all cheery and happy like she normally did. She obviously thought that it was Emmett calling. "_Emmett, sweetie, how are you?_"

Well, here goes nothing.

"Mom?" I said quietly into the phone, praying I was doing the right thing. "It's Edward."

_**I know that the whole break-in thing, might seem a little out of the blue, but I've had it planned from the beginning. It's all planned, so don't worry, I know where this is all going. All you need to do, is read.**_

_**Remember, links to all piercings and everything are on my profile and please go vote for Eternally Damned while you can.**_

_**Right, random question for everyone in the States, because this has been bugging me all day: do you have ginger beer/ginger ale over there? I know it's a really **_**really**_** random question, but it's been on my mind all day.**_

_**Anyways, leave me some love.**_


	16. Stepping Stones

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. But yet another tattoo has magically appeared on my body! Strange, huh! Haha! Love them!**

**_I've just realised that because I've deleted an authors' note in the middle of the story, if you reviewed on the previous chapter 16, it might not let you review on the new chapter. If it won't let you review logged in, try an anon review seeing as I accept those. Just type your log in name and I'll know who you are. Sorry bout that. I'm a dumbarse._**

**_I hope that everyone has had an amazing Christmas with lots of prezzies, fattening unhealthy food - without giving a damn because it's the holidays and that's what the New Years for - and family everywhere._**

**_Merry Christmas everyone!_**

'_Take a breath, take it deep  
Calm yourself, he says to me  
If you play, you play for keeps  
Take a gun, and count to three  
I'm sweating now, moving slow  
No time to think, my turn to go_

_Say a prayer to yourself  
He says, close your eyes  
Sometimes it helps  
And then I get a scary thought  
That he's here means he's never lost_

_And you can see my heart beating  
You can see it through my chest  
And I'm terrified but I'm not leaving  
Know that I must pass this test  
So just pull the trigger'_

'_Russian Roulette' – Rihanna_

_***~* Bella *~***_

'_Their drenched natures lies as in a death,  
What cannot you and I perform upon  
Th' unguarded Duncan? what not put upon  
His spongy officers, who shall bear the guilt  
Of our great quell?'_

I smiled as Stephenie, one of my students, sat down after finishing the speech made my Lady Macbeth in regards to the murder of Duncan.

"Now, what do you think this speech alone tells us about the possibility of the already wavering sanity of Lady Macbeth?" I asked the class who were sitting there, staring at me gormlessly. It was as though none of them wanted to pass English and get out of this place. It wasn't as if they didn't already know the play. We had gone through it and were spending the next week of classes focusing on Lady Macbeth considering her role in the choices her husband makes.

At that moment, the bell started to ring, leaving me smiling at the thought of seeing Edward at the end of today, which had been stressful to say the least.

I guess what started off the bad day was when Edward got that phone call from Jake. I know that it wasn't his fault and he had to go into the shop. It was his livelihood and he needed to take care of it. If anything happened to that shop, Edward would be devastated. Even though he had not opened it to begin with, merely starting out as an employee of Jake's, he had poured his heart and soul into that shop over the last ten years. It was his baby and I wasn't going to stand in the way of what he needed to do to make sure it was running smoothly.

Well, being completely honest, I was being whiny. The day hadn't been _that_ bad. I guess, I was just wanting to know what Edward had rushed off to this morning. Had it been something wrong with the shop? With Mae or Seth? I guess I wanted to know how that part of Edward's life was.

The fact that I was being cornered by Ethan Jones at every chance wasn't helping. I had set an assignment for them last week that was due in tomorrow and he couldn't deliver. He told me that due to football practise, he hadn't been able to complete the assignment and was edging for an extension. Which I wasn't giving.

Apparently, he had even complained to his parents about it, who, in turn, had complained to the principal. As soon as I took one look at them, I knew that his mother was someone who relied on appearances – just like most of the mother's of the children at this school – and his father looked like he was an ex-high-school-football jock wanting to live the glory days through his son.

_That_ meeting had been fun.

Having to explain to the principle _and_ his parents that Ethan seemed to be the only one on the football team who couldn't deliver when it came to an assignment. Even those I knew Ethan hung out with had managed to hand in work, but not him.

His father had tried getting me with the 'he's the star quarterback' route, but I quickly shut that down saying that he was at practise no more than the others were, and that I knew how quarterback's practised due to the fact Emmett used to be one. Golden boy, he was, but meh, he worked hard for it.

With that out of the way, I assured his parents that he didn't need and extension on his work, which seemed to piss him off no end. Is it wrong I felt that mildly amusing? No? Alrighty then.

With school now over, I grabbed my things, not really wanting to work on my lesson plans here tonight. Being in the school after all the students had left was creepy and I was never here longer than I had to be. Something I knew Jazz agreed with.

Grabbing my things, I made my way out to the front of the building to meet Edward. He had assured me that he would be here waiting for me when I got out, and I couldn't wait to be in his arms again. That was the only thing I hated about the weekday. I loved teaching, being able to impart knowledge on young minds, helping to mould them into what they could become. But the only thing I hated about it was the fact that I wasn't with Edward. Now, if I could teach with Edward permanently wrapped around me, then I would be sorted, but I don't think the school would be appreciative of the boyfriend attachment.

Not a sentiment I'd share, mind you. I'd be very appreciative of it.

But meh, can't please everyone.

Walking out of the main block, I was slightly confused as to why Edward wasn't there. He normally waited for me in the front of the school, leaning against the wall that separated part of the front lawn of the school from the street. But he wasn't there this afternoon.

I couldn't help the slight worry that passed through me at his absence. Even with the botched delivery day, he had been there to meet me when I finished. The one time he hadn't before was when he had gotten lost in a design he was inking onto someone's back at that time. It wasn't as though he could just get up and leave if he was with a client. That's probably all it was. He'd gotten caught up with a client.

But I couldn't help that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that it was something else.

You know the feeling I'm talking about.

The one that's there, sharp and clear, telling you that something's wrong.

Knowing that he probably wasn't coming today, I started to walk towards the shop. I knew that there was probably nothing to worry about and that I was being silly, but I couldn't help but worry.

As I walked, I remembered feeling that same way when I was on holiday in Jacksonville that dreaded summer eleven years ago.

_*~* Flashback *~*_

_After this summer, it was clear that what my parents thought was a fun vacation and what I thought was a fun vacation completely differed._

_Unfortunately, their idea of a fun vacation was spending it in the almost violent heat of Jacksonville, Florida. Sentiments I did not share._

_We had spent the days not really doing very much. We'd gone down to the beach and roamed around the streets of Jacksonville, but being from one of the wettest and rainiest states in the US, being here in this sweltering heat was not really agreeing with all of us._

_I was having a hard time getting to sleep as it was, what with the temperature and all that, but tonight, I really couldn't get to sleep at all._

_Looking at my clock next to my bed, I saw that it was nearly midnight and I couldn't shake this feeling that there was something wrong back home. More specifically, something wrong with Edward. The two of us always seemed to know what the other one was feeling, whether we were happy, frustrated, angry or scared. Maybe that was why we'd moulded so well as best friends._

_I couldn't get rid of the feeling that something was wrong._

_I picked up my cell, reasoning that it was only nine in the evening in Washington and that he would be up. He was a night owl. But could get up in the morning. Weird, I know, but that's just him. I pressed speed-dial two and held my phone to my ear, biting my lip as I waited for him to answer._

"_Hey, this is Edward. Not here right now. You know what to do."_

_Normally, getting his answer-phone message would piss me off but now it only made me even more worried than before. I tried it again twice more but only got the same message. Maybe he had forgotten to charge his battery. No. Edward _always_ kept his battery charged. I settled back into my bed, hoping that I was just being paranoid and that he was okay. He was probably just in a dead spot or something. There were plenty of those around Forks._

_*~* End Flashback *~*_

As I made my way to the shop, I had the same feeling of dread wash over me with every step I took. Maybe I should just call Edward and see what was going on. But if he was with a client, then that wouldn't be the best thing to do seeing as he doesn't pick up and I would just get frustrated and worried and probably freak out.

As I rounded the corner opposite the shop, I immediately knew that there was something wrong. For one, the shutters were down, indicating that the shop was closed. Edward had told me that the only time they were closed at this time of day was when it was either Thanksgiving, Christmas or they were at a convention. And I knew for a fact that none of those things were occurring today.

Crossing the street, I noticed the paper taped onto the shutters.

'_Closed Until Further Notice'._

What in the hell was going on?

I pulled out my phone and called Edward quickly, wondering why the shop was closed. It rang for a while and I didn't think he was going to pick up, adding to my paranoia.

"_Hello?"_

"Rose?" Okay, that was not who I was expecting.

"_Hi."_ She sounded slightly nervous as though Edward would rip her head off for answering his phone for him. Maybe if it was someone she didn't know, then I could understand that reaction, but Edward wouldn't go off on her for answering a phone call from me.

"What's going on?" I asked her, still thoroughly confused. "Why do you have Edward's phone?"

"_Because he's at the garage_." She sighed into the phone and I could hear the squeak of the old leather sofa in their office space as she sat down. "_Something's happened, Bella. He needs you."_

"I'm on my way." I told her as I stuck my arm out at a passing cab. Screw walking. I needed to get to the garage now. "McCarty's Garage, please." I told the cabbie as I slid in and closed the door. He nodded and I turned my attention back to the phone at my ear. "What's happened, Rose? I know it's something to do with the shop, or someone at the shop, seeing as it was all closed up."

"_It's not really my place to say, Bells._" She sighed and I bit on the nail of my right thumb nervously as we travelled closer and closer to the garage and Edward.

"Rose!"

"_You need to talk to _him_."_ I knew that she was right, but that didn't mean anything when it came to Edward. When something happened with Edward, it always seemed to be exponentially more important than anything else in my life at that moment in time. Even if it was something as insignificant as a paper cut. I knew that wasn't exactly healthy, but shove off! I wasn't ashamed to say that he was my world.

After hanging up with Rose, we pulled up to the garage and I flung some money at the driver, knowing I had given him entirely too much. Not that he would be complaining mind you.

I quickly walked past the others that worked in the garage and made my way straight to the back office where I knew Edward, Rose and Emmett would be. Opening the door, I saw Edward sitting there on the leather sofa, next to Rosalie. He was sat there, his hands in his hair and I knew he was stressing about something.

"Edward?" He looked up at me as Rose and Emmett excused themselves, giving us a moment alone to talk. His eyes were bloodshot and I knew he'd been rubbing them as he always did when stressed. Two indicators that Edward has something on his mind: he runs his hands through his hair more than normal and he rubs his eyes with the heel of his hands.

He didn't say anything. He didn't have to. He straightened up and held his arms out to me like a small child wanting a hug from their mother would do. I dropped my bag on the floor and quickly made my way over to him, wrapping my arms around him as his latched themselves around my waist. His head settled on my shoulder and my hands slid to their normal spots. My right tangled in his hair and my left rubbing small circles on the small of his back. I knew that he needed comforting right now and this was the only way I knew that worked.

"What happened, love?" It had to have been something big to warrant this reaction from Edward.

"It's gone." He whispered softly and I looked down to see his eyes were closed, his lashes casting gentle shadows across the very top of his cheeks.

"What's gone?"

"The shop."

"What?" I pulled away from him slightly, wanting to look at his face, but he pulled me back to him, squeezing me tightly to him. If he squeezed any tighter, he would be cutting off my ability to breathe. I knew he needed this, so I didn't argue. "Edward, what happened?"

"The whole thing's destroyed." He sighed, his head pressing into my shoulder, his nose gently skimming the skin at the bottom of my neck. "Someone broke in after we left last night, disabled the alarms, took everything worth something and destroyed everything else."

"Shit." I didn't mean for it to come out. It just did.

"Tell me about it."

"What are you guys going to do?" I gently ran my fingers through his hair, knowing that it would either calm him down or prevent him from getting too worked up. It had worked in the past and I was just hoping that it would work now.

"I don't know." He shook his head slowly. "Jake's going to speak with the insurance company today and get back to me. We'll have to take it from there. I know that we won't have enough to afford it, even with the insurance and what we have between us. I don't think it'll be enough."

"The way you say it like that makes me think you know someone who does?" It came out as a question rather than the statement I wanted it to be.

"I do." He sighed, looking up at me properly. He looked so tired and stressed right now, I wanted to do nothing more than take him home and run him a bath, putting him into bed afterwards. Unfortunately, I couldn't. Not yet anyway.

"Who?" Whoever it was, this person could help incredibly. I mean, this was their livelihoods here. They had nothing else.

"If all goes well tomorrow . . . me."

"What do you mean, tomorrow?" Anyone else thrown for a loop here? Just me? Well, doesn't that suck?! "Are you getting a loan or something?"

"No." He shook his head, resting his cheek back on my shoulder. "Hopefully, I'm getting my trust fund."

"But the ones who have the access information for your trust fund are-"

"My parents, I know." His voice was quiet, subdued and I didn't know what to do about it. Realistically, I knew that I couldn't really do anything about it at all, but hell, I wanted to try.

"You're going to Washington?" My voice was a little shaky I know, but that was where he had fallen apart. Was it really a good idea to go there again, especially so soon after all the old wounds of the past had been opened.

"No." Huh? "My parents are still in Chicago."

"What?"

"I know." He nodded and I felt a small smile on his face. "Apparently they never left. They didn't think that it was a good idea to tell either of us."

"Who knew?" Who else knew that Edward's parents were still in the same city as us, probably getting a routinely update on us?

"All of the others knew. Emmett, Rose, Jazz and Alice. They knew." He looked up at me, a smile on his face though his eyes were still guarded.

"I'm gonna kill them." I grumbled and he chuckled a little, squeezing me for a moment. "Alright, maybe not, but still, why did they think it was a good idea to keep this from you and from me?"

"Maybe because they didn't want to cause any more tension than there already was at the time." How the hell could he be so at ease with this? When I voiced that question all he did was laugh. "I've had time to process it." _Well, that makes sense._

"You wanna go home?" I asked him, receiving a nod in response. He was stressed, tired and had had an extremely long day by the looks of it. Mine was a cake walk compared to his.

Grabbing his phone and slipping it into my pocket, I eased my way out of his arms, pulling him up and grabbing my bag off the floor at the same time. Must say, that was graceful for me and I couldn't help smiling smugly as I stood up to face Edward.

The walk back home was short and quick at the same time. Although I knew the walk was a short one, the silence between Edward and I made it seem as though it took forever. Reaching the corner of his street – because it was obvious we were going back to his as he needed somewhere he felt comfortable right now – holding his hand wasn't enough and I wrapped my arms around his waist. He pulled me to him, not saying anything as we walked into the building.

Upon entering his apartment I told him to go to bed. He argued that he was fine and I gave him the one look I knew he wouldn't argue with. Alice and I had dubbed it 'The Rosalie Look'. We'd realised that it didn't only work with Rosalie and Emmett, but Alice using it on Jasper and me on Edward also worked a treat. It was a low blow, but he was exhausted and stressed and I knew that a few hours sleep would do him the world of good.

As predicted, he vanished immediately into his bedroom, not resurfacing. Fifteen minutes later I quietly opened the door to his room, finding him passed out on his front above the covers on his bed, shirtless – obviously not really managing to get undressed properly – his right arm curled above his head and his left, flung out across my side of the bed. Nix was curled up on the small of his back, where she normally slept. I knew that he was asleep, due to the incredibly cute, gentle and almost inaudible snore that came from him every so often. Never would you have associated that kind of sound with someone looking the way Edward did.

I couldn't help but stand in the doorway for a minute or two, watching as the soft light from the beside lamp bathed his body in soft yellow light, making it seem as though he was glowing, the contrast between the dark ink and his pale skin striking in an ethereal way as his body moved with each breath.

I was in love with him. I knew that. But I couldn't tell him. Not yet. Even though we had known each other forever, we were still too new as a couple for proclamations such as those.

Soon though. I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep it in.

I closed the door and padded down the hallway, not wanting to wake him as I decided what to make for dinner.

_***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***_

An hour and a half later, I was sitting in the living room, blowing on a cup of coffee while Alice and Rose chatted quietly on one of the other sofas.

The guys had come round shortly after Edward and I had gotten back to his place, making sure that they didn't wake up Edward. I was surprised they managed it actually, considering Alice's bouncy nature and Emmett's sheer volume. I expected Edward to wake up as soon as they set foot in the house.

"I spoke to Mae earlier." Alice sighed, glancing at the door and I knew where this was leading. "She's really worried."

"I can imagine." I replied, taking a sip of the coffee that was nestled between my palms at the moment. "I mean, from what Edward told me it's going to be a while until they can open up the shop agai-"

"Not about the shop." She cut me off, her eyes sad. "About Edward."

"What do you mean?" What _did_ she mean? Was that supposed to mean that she thought Edward wouldn't be able to handle this?

"She told me that before we got here, all Edward did was work." She looked down at the drink in her hand as though it would provide the answers to all of life's problems. "They didn't know why, but right from the start, Edward has immersed himself in, first, his apprenticeship with Jake and then his work. That was all he ever did. That shop is his baby and she said that until you came back into his life, it was his only love. Now everything's gone and they don't know whether or not they can get it back."

"Edward said that even with insurance, they won't be able to afford the reconstruction of the shop." I sighed, running my hand through my hair. I stopped, freezing as something flitted through my brain. "But Edward _can_ afford it, can't he?"

"What do you mean?" Alice looked confused and I glanced at the four of them quickly.

"His trust fund." The words weren't said at any kind of volume but they all heard them. "_And_ that he doesn't have to travel all the way to Washington to retrieve the information, or anything else like that is an added bonus, isn't it?" Each of them had a small guilty look on their face as they averted their gazes. "Why didn't you tell me they were still here?"

"Because you would have told Edward and they didn't want that." Jasper answered as he sat down next to Alice as Rose moved over to meet Emmett as he sat down on the third sofa. Sighing, I looked in the direction of Edward's door again, some part of me wanting him to come out but the other part, the more logical part, wanted him to stay in there. To stay hidden inside his dreamland. I'd check on him and make sure that he was alright in a minute. His nightmares hadn't stopped but they hadn't gotten worse, which was good. Waking up with him deep in a nightmare frightened me each and every time and I had quickly learned which ones were the worst.

He would shake and mumble, tears streaming down his face and I knew that it wasn't just being beaten he was reliving. He was reliving those foul creatures – for they did not deserve to be called men – violating him in the most horrific of ways.

They absolutely terrified me.

Standing up quickly, I padded down the hall and quietly opened the door to the bedroom, peering in.

He was on his back now, having rolled over in the time I was gone. Edward wasn't much of a mover. He would adjust his position once or twice while asleep, but other than that he was still. Made him a dream to sleep with. Nix was curled up on top of his left hip and I scowled at the tiny cat. Sure she could get away with it and I was being slightly irrational, but hey, whatever.

Closing the door, I made my way back through to the main apartment, making my way into the kitchen, completely aware that Alice and Rose were following me.

"What was that about?" Rose asked, her hands on her hips, one perfectly shaped eyebrow arched in confusion. How the _hell_ did this woman own her own garage? Beats me. "You so attached you have to check on him like a baby?" There was a slight amusement in her tone and she giggled slightly, as did Alice, but the two of them stopped immediately when they saw my expression.

"I'm not going to go completely into it because it's not my story to tell, but . . . he has nightmares. Pretty bad ones. He's hurt himself before because of them. I just . . . don't want that to happen."

"What do you mean 'he hurts himself'?" Alice sounded really worried as she put her mug down on the counter. I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment.

"It's like . . . he'll curl up in on himself and wrap his arms around, you know, like you do when you're cold." The two of them nodded slowly, understanding how I meant. "But he'll dig his nails into his arms, and he doesn't even realise he's doing it. The obvious pain of it doesn't wake him up at all. He's even broken the skin more than once. It scares me, that's all."

"He's alright at the moment, right?" Alice pointed towards the hallway that led towards the bedroom and I nodded.

"I'm just worried that all of this going on with the shop will spark them off again." I ran my hands through my hair, yanking on it lightly. "I hate not being able to help him like that."

"Maybe you should talk to him about seeing someone." Rose suggested and I shook my head slowly, knowing that Edward would never listen to anyone, not even me, when it came to something like that. Being the stubborn ass that he was. "Why not? It might help him. I mean, I know that what I went through wasn't nearly as traumatic as what Edward went through, but I needed to talk to someone outside of the family and friends that I had. And considering that Edward has let this sit inside of him for ten _years_, it's still going to be affecting him. He needs to talk to someone about this."

"I know that, Rose." I sighed, looking at her, pleading for her to understand. "I know that Edward needs to talk to someone. It's just, he won't go. I've tried talking him into seeing someone, but there's no way that he'll go. He shuts it and me out."

I remembered trying to get him to see someone a week or so ago.

_*~* Flashback *~*_

_Edward's nightmares had been getting worse. Well, at least in the outside world they had. I wasn't sure what was going on in his mind, other than he was remembering it completely, but I knew it was hurting him._

_He had hurt himself last night. Physically hurt himself. His nails had dug into his arms so much that he had broken the skin and drawn blood. I had had to wake him up myself, causing him to panic even more than usual._

_I walked into the kitchen where he was standing, in nothing but a pair of lounge pants, waiting for the coffee pot to finish. He was exhausted and I knew that these nightmares were going to harm him in more than just his sleep. He was going to hurt himself or someone else because of lack of sleep and I didn't want that day to come._

_I walked up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing a kiss to the heart on his shoulder. He relaxed into me, sighing gently._

"_Good morning." I whispered against his skin, my lips still attached to his shoulders._

"_Morning." He said quietly, reaching around and pulling me in front of him, so I was between him and the counter. He pressed his lips to mine gently and lovingly. "Thank you."_

"_What for?"_

"_Being there." He gently ran the tips of his fingers through my hair, brushing it back a little and watching as the unruly morning bangs that had yet to be tamed fell back into the exact position they were in before. "Last night."_

_I looked at his forearm, running my fingers gently over the bandage that rested there now, knowing what lay underneath it. The nightmare had been so intense last night, that he had broken the skin and drawn blood. When I got over my aversion to blood was beyond me, but it did me a lot of good last night._

"_These dreams are getting out of control." I sighed gently, looking up at him. He had clenched his eyes tightly shut. His jaw was clenched and I could see the vein running down the side of his throat as he tried to remain in control, not letting the demons of his mind take over. He nodded slowly before swallowing and resting his head on my shoulder gently, letting out an enormous breath. "Maybe . . . you should . . . talk to someone about them." I suggested tentatively, biting my lip and hoping that he wouldn't-_

_Shit._

_He tensed up._

"_What do you mean?" He asked as he lifted up his head, his emerald eyes piercing my own. "Bella. What do you mean?"_

"_Maybe you should talk to a professional. Maybe they can he-"_

"_Help me?" He laughed darkly, looking away from me and shaking his head. "No, Bella. All people like that are after is this," he rubbed his fingers and thumb together, making the sign for money. "They don't care about anyone or anything but green going in their pocket. Why do think they charge so much? No, Bella. There's no way I'm going to see some whacko, who has no idea about me, will judge me before I can get a word out and who won't do jack-shit for me. Not happening." He unravelled his arms from around my waist and turned around, walking out of the kitchen, coffee forgotten._

"_But if you-"_

"_Not. Happening." He reiterated, turning slightly before vanishing into the bedroom. I heard the shower turn on and run for a total of three minutes before turning off. I poured the two of us a cup of coffee each and set his on the side, waiting for him to come back out so we could talk about this. Instead, when he reappeared, he was shrugging his leather jacket on and walking out of the apartment._

"_Edward-" I called to him, trying to get him to stop, but he didn't._

"_When I get home." Was all he said before slipping on his shoes and disappearing out the front door._

_What the hell had just happened?_

_*~* End Flashback *~*_

"Whoa." Alice breathed looking over at Rose as I finished telling them what had happened the first, last and only time I had brought up therapy for Edward.

"Yeah." Was her intelligent reply. "What happened when he got home?"

"We talked about it." I nodded, looking down at the kitchen floor, noticing a stain that hadn't been there the night before. I grabbed a cloth and wiped it off, knowing it would drive Edward crazy if he saw it.

"Still got some of his OCDness?" Rose smirked and I nodded, washing off the cloth before setting it on the little rack Edward had so it could dry. "I swear, that boy has some of the weirdest habits."

"They're not weird." I defended him, smiling slightly as I thought through some of Edward's little quirks. "You just have to get used to them."

"What? Like him aligning your toothbrushes so they're perfectly parallel?" Rose raised an eyebrow at me.

"He doesn't do that." I corrected her. "Our toothbrushes are in a pot, thank you very much." And being the mature adult I am, I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Seriously, though." She waved that off. "What happened when he got back?"

"Like I said, we talked. He apologised for going off at me, realising that I was only trying to help. And he told me that the idea of someone trying to poke around in his head, well . . . he didn't really say so, but I think it scares him a little."

"That's normal, though." She shrugged and Alice shook her head, indicating she had no idea what Rose was talking about. Neither did I. Neither of us had ever been in therapy before. I think the closest I had ever come to therapy was the mandatory talk with the Forks' High counsellor in my first week of Freshman year. Making sure I was getting on okay. I was in and out in ten minutes, convincing the woman I was fine and yet the only fear I had was of her. I didn't say that last bit out loud though. "I was scared shitless of talking to someone."

"You have to remember, though, this is Edward." She was about to say something, but I stopped her. "You know how stubborn he is and when he says he won't go, he won't go. But you've also got to remember, he's carried this shit around with him for a long time. I don't think that any amount of 'convincing' by any of us is going to get him to see someone. I think we're eleven years too late."

I looked at the two of them and they nodded sadly, knowing that if someone had worked out what was wrong then he could have been in therapy straight away. Who knows where he could be now if they had. He could have followed his dream and become a doctor, follow in Carlisle's footsteps like he'd wanted his entire life. But then I thought about his life here. How happy he seemed. And then it hit me. He _was_ doing something he loved. He loved tattooing people. It might not have been what he wanted to do with his life, but he was here now, and he loved it.

He was happy and that's all that mattered to me.

Now, if I could just help him get rid of those nightmares, then everything would be perfect.

_***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***_

If I thought I'd seen Edward nervous before, I hadn't seen anything compared to what I was seeing now.

Who knew someone would be so scared of seeing their own parents.

We had brought my car, seeing as Edward only had a bike, and showing up at his parents flashy hotel on a bike, in leathers would not be welcomed, methinks.

After he had woken up last night, looking and no doubtedly _feeling_ better than when I'd made him go to bed, he had quietly asked me to come with him today. He didn't want to see them on his own. He knew it was a lot to ask of me, but I told him I'd do anything for him. And I meant it. He was my world. My world made no sense without Edward Anthony Cullen in it.

So he had phoned into my place of work and told them that I was out sick with some twenty-four hour bug that had been going round. Simple. Easy. Done.

We sat in front of the hotel while he calmed himself down. If I was correct, then Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us on the eighth floor in room 8126. I hoped they were as nervous as Edward was. It wasn't fair to him if they weren't.

"You okay, love?" I reached over and took his hand in mine. He looked down at our hands and smiled slightly.

"I am now." He sighed, running his free hand through his hair, looking out the window. "Who knew seeing the rentals would be this scary, huh?"

"You haven't seen them properly in a long time." I pressed my lips to the back of his hand letting him know through the action that I was here for him. "You ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." He sighed and I started the engine of the car again, pulling into the lot before climbing out and handing the keys over to the valet. I took Edward's hand as we walked into the hotel, completely ignoring the front desk and heading towards the elevators. They were probably giving us a weird look, but I didn't care. I didn't want to extend this for Edward. If he was uncomfortable then we'd leave.

Pressing the button for the eighth floor, Edward held me close to his body, resting his cheek on the top of my head as I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heart while wrapping my arms around his waist. I gently kissed the area on his shoulder where his new tattoo resided and he smiled down at me. The ink there, the picture, its placing resembled our bond and our relationship. I wasn't abandoning him. Not now. Not ever.

As the doors to the elevator opened with a soft dinging noise, we looked at each other and stepped out into the corridor, looking down it hesitantly. I stepped forward first causing him to walk along next to me, considering my arms were still around his waist.

He was tense and I knew that deep down he didn't want to do this but knew he had to. I just wished that there was something I could do other than offer moral support to him.

Stopping outside their room, I looked up at Edward, who had his eyes closed and was trying to regulate his breathing.

"Hey." I whispered up to him and he looked down at me. "You want to leave, we can leave. Any time you want."

"Thank you." He whispered back, pressing his lips to mine before steeling himself and knocking on the door. It was taking him a lot of courage and strength to do this and I couldn't help but be proud of my love.

The door swung open almost immediately as if someone had been on the other side, waiting for the two of us to knock.

Esme stood there, gazing at Edward with a look I had never seen in her eyes before. I knew that it was the look of someone who has regained her child after many years. Which of course, she had. But there was something different about her gaze compared to the other time she had seen him here in Chicago. Maybe it was because _he_ had come to _her._ I wondered if she knew why.

She ushered the two of us in as though there might be someone in the hallway about to murder us if we did not get into the suite fast enough. Other places there might have been, but in this swanky hotel, I severely doubted it.

"Oh, Edward." Her voice was no more than a whisper as she took in her son. Every pierced and inked inch of him she could see. There was a mothers' pride in her eyes, seeing him become a success at whatever he wanted to do was always Esme's dream for all of her children, and that included Jasper, Rose and I. Now, he was one of the most sought after tattoo artists in the city and I could tell that she was proud of him. "Can I have a hug, from my littlest guy?" Not that he was so little anymore, but that was always something they'd done when Edward was younger. Because Edward was both younger and smaller than Emmett, he had always been Esme's 'littlest guy', whereas Emmett had been her 'big guy' and Alice had been her 'little girl'. It was cute.

I could see the war going on behind his eyes as he weighed up the pros and cons of hugging his mother. I knew he was warring with himself because he was flicking the right ring in his lip with his tongue ring. An action only performed when stressed. When frustrated, it was the left ring. Other times, he wouldn't concentrate on one of the rings, flicking them both at regular intervals.

Even though it must have seemed like forever, probably only a second or two had passed before Edward released his hold on me and embraced his mother.

She squeezed him to her tightly, as if given a choice, she'd never let him go and I believed that she wouldn't. She gently ran her fingers through his hair as she used to, turning her head and taking a deep breath, seeming to inhale his scent as I always did. What can I say? It's captivating. He smells as good as he looks. Beautiful.

"Bella." I heard someone call me from behind and turned to see Carlisle standing there, looking past me at his embracing wife and son.

She reluctantly pulled away from him, gazing at him, smiling, brushing her thumbs over his cheeks as she looked at him. A mother admiring her baby boy.

He turned and looked to me, holding out his hand, which I took quickly. He needed comfort, this was throwing him completely out of the safe zones he'd built over the last few years and he was still reeling from our appearance in his life. He might say he's fine with it, but every so often, when we were all together, I would see him stop for a moment, trying to process it all.

Carlisle made his way down to Esme, wrapping an arm around her waist as he indicated for Edward and I to take a seat on one of the two cream sofas that were in the room. It was such a contrast to the décor I was used to in Edward's apartment. It felt artificial and I didn't like it. And from his tense posture, Edward wasn't comfortable here either. Maybe we should have met them on neutral territory.

"Oh, Edward." Esme sighed, seeming to take in the sight of her son as the two of them sat down on the other sofa. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Why?" Edward looked up at her, confused.

"Because you're our son." Carlisle replied as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And we've missed you. We love you."

"I know that we weren't really there before you left but . . . we thought that if we gave you the space you wanted, if we let you do what you wanted, you'd come to us. You'd let us in." Esme's eyes were full of regret, probably for not responding to her youngest son's silent cries for help.

I could see them now. I could now see that he wasn't really pushing us away. He was trying to reach out for help but was too afraid and ashamed to actually do it. I guess it's true what they say, huh? Things are clearer in hindsight.

"But I _didn't_ want space." He whispered softly, clutching me close to him. I squeezed him tightly, offering the comfort he needed. I had grown to know the different instances where Edward needed comfort and when he needed to be left alone.

If he was upset about something, a nightmare or something to that effect, he would say that he didn't want comfort, but if it was presented to it, he wouldn't let it go. He often told me that he didn't want me to see him how he was after a nightmare, but then completely contradicting himself, as soon as I embrace him, he would clutch me too him as though he was never going to let go. If he was angry there was something you needed to know. Something _very_ vital and it had been that way since we were kids. If Edward was ranting and raving about something, working himself up into a frenzy, then calming him down was the best way to go. But if he was quiet, still and unresponsive to people around him, one piece of advice: back off. There was no getting through to _that_ Edward.

I remembered the last time I'd seen _that_ Edward and it scared me to this day. Not something I wanted to relive.

Reading Edward had become second nature to me, even over these few short weeks and I knew all the little quirks he had better than anyone else. Well, I thought I did, anyway.

"What are you talking about?" The two of them looked confused at Edward's words. They obviously hadn't been expecting that.

"I _didn't_ want space." He repeated, shaking his head, holding onto me tightly. I could still breathe and was comfortable, so I wasn't worried. "I _didn't_ want to be left alone. The one thing I wanted more than anything was to have someone, _anyone,_ see that there was something wrong and just . . ." His voice cracked and I sat up, pulling him to me. He rested his head on my shoulder and I pulled my arms from his waist, wrapping them around his shoulders, one hand in his hair, gently smoothing it and running my fingers through it and the other running up and down his back.

"It's okay." I whispered, too low for Esme and Carlisle to hear me. The bottom half of my face was hidden behind Edward's head, so they wouldn't be able to decipher what I was saying to him. "You can do this. It's alright. I'm here. I know it's hard and I know it hurts, but you _can_ do this, baby." I pressed my lips to his temple as he nodded slightly, hopefully taking some strength from my words. "I'm not going anywhere. As long as you want me, I'm here."

"Then you're never going anywhere." He whispered back at the same volume and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face at his words.

"Good." I looked down at him to find he had his eyes clenched shut. "'Cause I'm not going anywhere."

He sat back up, not looking at his parents who were watching him, worried looks on their faces.

"We're sorry, Edward." Carlisle said softly, standing up before walking over and kneeling in front of Edward. Edward sat there, watching him cautiously and I noticed him tensing up slightly. Could it be that he was still wary of people touching him? But he was fine with the others.

"_You don't have to tell me, but . . ."_

"_What? . . . . . . Bella, what?"_

"_Did he hit you that day?"_

Of course! That must be why Edward was so wary of Carlisle. His instincts were still on the night of the attack, and were still reacting when Carlisle was around because of the violent act on his last Thanksgiving in Forks.

He really _did_ need to talk to someone about this.

But convincing him to go was going to be the hardest part.

"We're sorry that we mistook your needing help and your . . . calling for help . . . as you wanting to be alone. We're sorry we weren't more in tune with how you were. We-"

"Don't even know _why_ you're apologising." Edward finished for him, shaking his head and letting out a breath. "You don't even know what you're apologising _for_, so stop. Nothing you can say or do will make any difference to what happened then. Okay? So, just let it go."

"We can't." Esme said softly, silent tears making her way down her cheeks. "We feel like we . . . we failed you after you left."

"You didn't." Edward shook his head, looking at her, his eyes full of sorrow. He had missed his mother. I could tell that. No matter how much he denied it, he was and had always been a mama's boy. Always. "It was _my_ choice to leave and nothing you could have said or done would have changed my mind."

I gave his hand a squeeze and smiled up at him when he looked at me. "And besides," I put in softly. I could tell he wanted to steer the conversation towards what we had come for, so I attempted to do so, hoping he would take the controls from me. "If he hadn't left, he wouldn't be where he is now. He wouldn't have his own business."

"Ah, yes." Carlisle nodded, standing up and looking down at Edward. There was something in his eye that I couldn't decipher. Was he disappointed in Edward? "The tattoo shop."

"What?" Edward's voice was dry and challenging. "Not up to your standards?"

"It's not that." Carlisle ran a hand through his hair, looking at his son. "It's just . . . I would never have put you down for something like that."

"Well . . . he's incredible." I couldn't help but grin as I looked at him, giggling slightly when a light blush appeared on his cheeks. Maybe there was a way to embarrass Edward after all. Mae would love to hear about this. "And he's so gentle."

"I'm sorry." Esme blinked at me, looking a little confused.

"He gave me a tattoo." I grinned at her, standing up. I removed my jacket and lifted up my shirt, turning to the side so they could see the artwork that adorned my right side.

"Edward . . ." Esme breathed, reaching out as if she wanted to touch the ink on my side but decided not to. "It's beautiful."

"Thanks." He replied, almost shyly.

"You must have good business." Carlisle smiled at Edward as I sat down.

"Well, up until two days ago we did." Edward sighed, running his hands through his hair, shooting me a worried glance. I gave him a reassuring smile, knowing that he could do this if he tried.

"What do you mean?" The two of them looked at each other, confused and Edward let out a breath. He was doing the one thing he hated doing. Asking for money. He hated feeling like a charity, and I think that now, even though he was asking for the access information to his own money, that's what it still felt like.

"The shop was broken into the day before last." Esme gasped, a hand flying up to her mouth. "Everything was either stolen or destroyed. We have nothing left and even with the insurance, I know that we're not going to be able to afford it. There's just too much damage."

"So what are you asking for, exactly?" Carlisle looked concerned and I knew that, even though they had only just re-entered each other's lives, if Edward asked him to pay for the damages, he would do it without a seconds' thought. "How much do you need?" There we go.

Edward's head flew up and he shook his head quickly, dispelling that idea completely. "I'm not asking for money from _you_." He explained quickly, making sure that Carlisle didn't have time to argue. "I need the access information for my trust fund. According to Emmett and Rose, I've had access to it since I was eighteen. I didn't even know about it. But . . . I _need_ it now. Or else, I have nothing."

"Of course." Carlisle nodded quickly, walking into the bedroom, quickly reappearing with a briefcase. He settled it down on his knee and flicked it open, rummaging through something. "Since you turned eighteen, we don't have any access to it or any of the information in it. So we have no idea how much is in there, but . . . if you give me a second . . . I can find . . . the information for the man that does." He looked around for a few more seconds before a small 'aha!' rose from behind the case.

He closed the case, a small black address book in his hand. He flicked it open quickly, flicking through the pages about halfway through. He stopped and checked the back of the page before tearing it out and handing it to Edward, who took it, extremely confused.

"That's the contact information for a J. Jenks. He's the one with the control over your funds." Carlisle explained to Edward as he read over what was in his hand. "There may be a chance he wants you to come to Seattle, considering that's where his main office is and he's loathe to leave it, but I'm hoping he doesn't, unless you're comfortable with returning to Washington." His brow furrowed as he gauged Edward's reaction. After a few moments Carlisle moved again. "Everything you'll need, he has and I'm hoping that he'll be able to help you out."

"Thank you, Dad." Edward whispered the last word to Carlisle and I could see the tears threatening to fall down the blonde man's cheeks. I guess having Edward acknowledge him as his father again meant a lot to him. More than I could ever know.

"I'm sorry about the shop, Edward." He said sincerely. I think that although he might not have pictured his son inking art onto people's bodies, he was starting to come around to the idea of Edward being independent, strong to those who opposed him and successful at what he does.

"Me too." He sighed nodding as he folded up the paper and placed it into his back pocket.

"What are you going to do in the meantime?" Esme asked, her hands wrapping around Carlisle's upper arm gently as she rested her head on his shoulder, in much the same way I was sitting with Edward right now.

"I don't know." He shook his head, looking down at me, sadly. "Try and get the shop fixed up as quickly as possible, but I don't know how long it's going to take. They managed to rip the display cases off the walls – you know the big folders attached to the walls with the designs in them?" They nodded their confused expressions clearing not used to how the shop was described. They had only been there once, after all. "It's ripped out some of the wall where the bolts were so that has to be completely re-plastered. The display counters and desks in the main and our private areas were all destroyed so we need to replace all of those. We need to replace all of our jewellery and machinery. We're basically, starting from scratch and I have no idea how long it's going to take."

"It'll be okay, sweetheart." Esme leaned forward, cupping the side of Edward's face in her palm. "It'll work out."

"I hope so." He whispered, closing his eyes and leaning into her embrace.

"Edward?" We all looked over to Carlisle who had an intense expression on his face. "You obviously know that your mother and I haven't left Chicago since we arrived." He nodded slowly, wondering where this was going, as was I. "We're very loathe to leave, now that we know where you are and . . . do you have a number we can contact you on. Anything. Just so that we know we can contact you if we need to. We don't want to lose you again, son. The time we didn't have you was the worst of my life and I couldn't go through that again."

"You won't have to." Edward looked down, looking ashamed at Carlisle's words. I knew that the shame was directed at himself and I hated the way he automatically blamed himself for everything. He asked for Carlisle's phone and typed in his cell and his home number quickly before handing it back to him. There was a moment of Parabola by Tool playing through the room before Edward cancelled the call and saved Carlisle's number into his phone.

"Edward, honey." Esme's eyes were wide with questioning as she looked at her son. "Is there any chance that you would be . . . coming back to Forks for . . . Thanksgiving? I mean, I know it's two months or so away, but . . ." She looked down as Edward let out a breath, obviously not expecting that line of questioning.

"I don't know." He answered softly. "I really don't. I guess it . . . I guess it depends on how everything is here." He didn't mean just with the shop.

"Will you think about it?" She asked. All she wanted was her baby back home with her over the holidays and I couldn't fault her for that. She seemed to have understood that pressuring him wouldn't be any good. He had never been responsive if you put the pressure on him. He would always shut down and shut you out. It was just his way.

"I'll think about it. But I can't make any promises." He told them and they nodded, understanding.

The two of them seemed to understand that asking Edward why he had left wasn't going to get them anywhere, so they left it alone. I wondered briefly if the others had anything to do with that. I knew that they hadn't said any whisper of what had happened to Edward – they knew it was up to him – but just the little whispers of 'don't say anything or you'll never get anywhere' were enough to get through to Esme and Carlisle.

The goodbyes with Edward's parents were bittersweet. Knowing that they were there for him if he needed him yet the fact that there had been so much unsaid between them.

I just hoped that this was a way for them to move forward in their relationship.

_**Not much happening in the chapter, but some major musings going on. And Edward, Carlisle and Esme are back on speaking terms.**_

_**Now, I've written a one-shot for this story. Edward's last Christmas in Forks before he ran away. Its angst filled but I love it. I'm wondering would you like me to post it? Otherwise it'll just be gathering dust in the unused files in my laptop? Let me know.**_

**_Leave me some love in a review._**


	17. Stormy Weather

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I hope everyone has had a great Christmas and a happy New Year – whether sober or not.**

_**For those of you who wanted me to post it, the one shot is up on my profile. Take a look and tell me what you think.**_

_**Also, there are a few spoilers for the movie 'The Tattooist' in this chapter. If you haven't seen it and want to, there are little ** where the spoilers start and finish, so you can skip that part if you don't want to know anything that happens in the movie.**_

'_Today is gonna be the day  
That they're gonna throw it back to you  
By now you should've somehow  
Realized what you gotta do  
I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do about you now_

_Backbeat the word was on the street  
That the fire in your heart is out  
I'm sure you've heard it all before  
But you never really had a doubt  
I don't believe that anybody feels  
The way I do about you now_

_And all the roads we have to walk along are winding  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding  
There are many things that I would  
Like to say to you  
I don't know how_

_Because maybe  
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?  
And after all  
You're my wonderwall'_

'_Wonderwall' - Oasis_

_***~* Edward *~***_

It had been two weeks since I'd seen my parents. Thankfully, that hadn't been as painful as I thought it was going to be. I thought it was going to take a lot more to get anything out of them, even if it was mine, but there was no fight at all.

Only setback was they wanted me to spend Thanksgiving with them.

Could I?

I wasn't too sure.

Bella had been a rock through everything. Though she had work of her own to do, she was at the shop, every day, helping us clear everything away, helping dispose of things that couldn't be used anymore. Was there anything that girl wouldn't do? I couldn't help but smile to myself when I thought of how she just seemed to fit with everything and every_one_ in my life in Chicago.

As it turned out, I did have to go to Seattle to meet with this J. Jenks. I had called him after leaving my parents hotel room, and though he seemed excited to be speaking to a Cullen – I learned that my family is one of his major clients – me proving who I was in person would be a requirement. Which meant, I was on my way back to Washington. Yippee for me, huh? But if it meant that I could get the money needed to pay for what the insurance wouldn't on the shop, it was something I would gladly do. Well, not gladly but you get the point. It was a necessity. Jake was handling things with the insurance company, so I didn't really have to worry about that part. All I needed to do was sign some paperwork or something, but other than that, Jake had it all sorted. Now we were just hoping that our claim went through without a hitch and we could get started on redoing the shop.

Somehow, Bella had managed to weasel a couple of days off from school as well, which she surprised me with one night as we were in bed. She had asked me when I was leaving, stating that she would need to pack everything she needed quickly. This news had thrown me for a loop and I knew I probably looked incredibly like a fish at that point, eyes wide and mouth hanging open as she giggled and closed my mouth for me.

No amount of arguing had gotten her to relent, which I wasn't expecting her to do, considering when Bella puts her mind to something, Bella's mind stays there.

And it was those few events that kind of led us to where we were right now, suspended in the air right above Tacoma International Airport in Seattle, waiting for our turn to descend. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, wondering how the hell I was going to get through this trip. It wasn't so much the actual trip that was making me nervous, but the being back in Washington thing. I hadn't ever expected to be here again and now that I was, I wasn't sure that I was ready for it at all.

"Are you okay?" I felt Bella's hand squeezing my own and I opened my eyes, looking at her.

"I'm okay." I nodded, gently running my thumb over her cheek, trying to get rid of the worried expression there was marring her beauty. Actually, that's a lie. Nothing could damage the beauty Bella irradiated. It was too intense to be concealed with an expression. "It's just being back here . . . in Washington . . . I didn't think I'd ever be back here, you know?" She nodded slowly, pressing her lips to mine gently as we descended. I noticed her grip on my hand increase the closer we got to the ground and I couldn't help but wonder. "Are _you_ okay?"

"Yeah. Mhmm." She nodded, keeping her eyes clenched shut.

"Bella. . ."

"I just don't like landings that's all."

I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close to me as we hit the tarmac. She let out a little squeal, burying her head in my shoulder, her arms gripping my waist tightly as we raced down the tarmac. Once we had slowed to a stop, I eased up on my hold and she smiled up at me, her eyes wide and a little frantic.

"It's okay." I whispered, running my finger through her mahogany waves. "We've stopped, it's alright."

"Thank you." She said softly, her arms still keeping me in their impossibly tight grip. Who knew that such a small woman would have such an alarming grip? Well, it would have surprised me if I hadn't grown up with Alice who was like a titan in a pixies body. "I know it's stupid and stuff but I've never been able to cope with landings."

"Hey." I chuckled, kissing the top of her head as she relaxed into me while we waited to be told we could get off the plane. "It's not stupid. We're all afraid of something."

"You're not." She whispered and I shook my head slowly.

"I'm afraid of a lot." She looked up at me, her eyes wide and understanding of my words.

"I'm sorry, I should have-" She stopped talking as I silenced her with my lips.

"You should have nothing." I looked up to see the doors of the plane opening and the hostesses indicating that we could disembark. "Come on." I unclasped our seatbelts and stood up, grabbing our carry-ons from the over head storage compartments and holding out my hand to Bella. She stood up, taking my hand as we waited for a moment to slip into the line of people clambering off the plane, thankful to be out of the small space after the four hours or so in the cramped space.

Going through airport security was tedious but necessary I guessed and I was thankful that we weren't staying long enough to warrant any huge amounts of luggage. Just a few days worth. We made our way round to baggage claim and waited for our bags to come around, which they did . . . eventually.

I couldn't help but let my eye wander as we waited for the conveyor belt to start moving. I noticed all the things that you would normally see in an airport scene in some kind of movie. Friends and family saying goodbye, children that were tired of waiting making a fuss, individuals aggravated at possible delays and waiting times. And there, in the middle of the terminal, there was the one couple that always stood out, whether it was a goodbye or a reunion. Considering we were in arrivals, I deduced it as a reunion scene unfolding in front of me.

A girl, probably no older than twenty five, waiting in the middle of the space, fidgeting with the cuffs on her jacket, her eyes glancing anxiously around her, looking, watching and waiting. You could tell that she had found the object of her anxious glances as an enormous smile spread across her face and she started moving with a graceful gait towards her destination. He reached her before she could get too far, his arms wrapping around her, lifting her off the ground as she threw her arms around his neck, her face disappearing as she buried her head in his shoulder before he set her back on the ground. They looked at each other for a moment before his dipped his head and crashed his lips to hers, completely disregarding the fact that they were hardly alone. To them, it didn't matter.

"Something tells me they missed each other." Bella's soft voice broke me out of my trance and I looked down at her to find she was watching the same exchange I was.

"Just a little." I couldn't help but smile as she wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her head on my chest and sighing, just as the belt started moving and bags started to appear.

Thankfully, our duffel bags were some of the first ones through, so we didn't have to wait long. I grabbed them both, much to Bella's annoyance and we made our way out of the airport and into a cab.

"What do you want to do tonight?" She asked as we made our way out of the cab and walked up to the doors of our hotel.

"I don't know." I shook my head, taking her hand as we walked up to the desk. The woman sat behind it glanced up at us, her eyes widening when she looked at me. It took everything I had not to roll my eyes at her. Whether it was because of the piercings or because she liked what she saw, I didn't know nor did I care, but the reaction I'd received from all kinds of people over the last decade or so was something that still aggravated me somewhat. Yeah, alright, I kind of invited it, looking the way I do, but that doesn't mean it doesn't piss me off.

"Good evening." She greeted us, smiling at me and completely disregarding Bella who was tucked into my side. "Is there _anything_ I can help you with?" She rested her hands on the desk in front of her, looking me up and down before taking her bottom lip in between her teeth lightly. It wasn't that she was unattractive, because in all honesty, I could see her being one of the girls I wouldn't mind seeing again if it wasn't for Bella. But now, when I thought about going home with someone, it was always Bella I saw underneath me, hearing screaming out my name.

"Cullen?" Bella interjected, her voice sugary sweet as she held onto me tighter. The girl's eyes flicked to Bella, who smiled innocently at her as her hand came up to rest on my chest. "Room for two."

The girl gave an aggravated sigh and looked at the screen in front of her before clicking on a few things and turning to retrieve a room key for us.

"Here you go." She handed the keycard to me, looking up at me through her lashes. "Room 2541. If you need _anything_, don't hesitate to ask."

"Actually, we'll be needing another key." I smiled at her, and I could practically feel the frustration coming out of her at being reminded of Bella's presence yet again. She placed the second keycard on the desk and Bella took it, her eyes never leaving the girl in front of us, whose eyes never left me. "Thank you."

"Sweetie." Bella leaned over the desk, tapping the keycard on the top as she spoke. "Heidi . . . just so you know, eye-fucking the guests isn't really the best way to make any sort of tip or impression and it really does damage the reputation of the hotel when such things occur. Now I realise that he _is_ gorgeous to look at, but he's taken, so don't even bother. And just so you know, if it happens again, I _will_ be reporting your behaviour to your manager."

The girl, or Heidi as I noticed her nametag stated, glared at Bella as she took my hand in hers and started making her way towards the elevators. I didn't think that it was her words that had caused Heidi's glare to intensify, but the venomous undertone in Bella's otherwise sweet tone. Hell, it scared _me_ when she spoke like that so I couldn't imagine what Heidi felt.

"Bit possessive there, aren't we?" I chuckled as we made our way into the elevator, pressing the button for our floor.

"What?" She looked back innocently, although I knew exactly what was going through her mind at that point. She might normally be a mystery to me, but in this moment in time, she was like an open book. I think the green-eyed monster had made an appearance today. "She was eye-fucking you when it was obvious you have a girlfriend. I didn't like it."

"Bella." I sighed, dropping the bags and pulling her to me. "Do you really think it matters to me how many girls try it on, when I have the most beautiful of them all right here with me now?" I pulled her face around by her chin so she was looking at me, chuckling at the small pout gracing her face. "Don't pout." I kissed her lightly. "You'll get wrinkles."

"Hey!" She slapped my chest lightly before giggling at me. I pulled her into me, chuckling at her as she giggled for some unknown reason.

I let us into the room, only having the time to dump our stuff on the sofa before Bella's arms were wrapped around me, pulling me into her fiercely.

I didn't argue with her as she pulled me into the bedroom, unzipping my jacket and discarding it on the floor along with her own. She turned us around, pushing me down on the bed and straddling me. My fingers ran down her sides, hooking underneath the hem of her sweater and I pulled it swiftly over her head revealing the black wife beater underneath.

I rolled us over, trapping her between my legs and she pouted up at me, clearly not liking the fact that I had taken control of the situation. She wriggled her arms free, unbuttoning my shirt and dropping it on the floor behind us before removing the t-shirt I had been wearing underneath it. As always, her eyes moved reverently over my ink, as though she was committing it to memory like it was the first time she had seen it. It made me feel slightly powerful, knowing that _my_ tattoos had the power to make her feel that way.

I removed her wife beater and bra before she could resist my movements and lowered my face to her chest, wrapping my arms around her back, securing her in her place, meaning she couldn't get away from me as I sucked, licked and nipped at her nipples. The moans coming from above me indicated that she didn't want me to stop, which was a plus in my column.

I released her breast and made my way down her side, placing reverent kisses on her tattoo, peppering each rose with kisses, lingering on the one I knew represented me on her skin.

"Edward . . ." She moaned as I moved lower, popping the button on her jeans open and sliding them down her legs slowly. "I don't . . . I can't . . ." _Get a proper sentence out_, was the correct answer to that one and I smirked to myself, pleased at reducing her to this state.

I kissed my way up Bella's right leg, slowly massaging her thighs gently as I made my way closer to the sweetest of spots on her body. When I reached the top of her thigh, I completely ignored the place she wanted my attention most, earning a whimpering sound from her as I made my way down her left leg. She wasn't happy with me at the moment, and I couldn't care less.

I slid my hands up her thighs, hooking my index fingers into the edges of her panties and slid them down slowly, causing her to practically growl at me because in Bella's world, I was taking too long. Sliding my hands up her thighs again, I gripping her hips gently, pressing small kisses to her abdomen, each one lower than the one before. I wanted to give her an out, should she want it, though I hoped she didn't, because Bella tasted unlike anything I had ever tasted before. She was fucking exquisite.

She made a small whimpering sound as her fingers found their way into my hair, her hands pushing my head down gently. She wanted this and she wasn't afraid to show me how much. All I could focus on was how fucking intense her hands in my hair made me feel.

I pressed a kiss to her pubic bone before gently blowing on her wet centre, causing her to cry out in surprise at the contrast. Her cry quickly turned into a moan as I flattened my tongue out, slowly licking up her folds before running the ball in my tongue back and forth across her clit. I held her down with one arm as she writhed against me, trying to access more friction than I was allowing her while the other hand gently played with her entrance.

"Fucking hell, Edward." She moaned, gripping my hair tight enough for me to think that she was going to leave bald spots. Oh well, it was fucking worth it. "Stop teasing me, you bastard." I knew that it was supposed to be an insult, but hell, the breathy way in which it came out changed that.

She cried out and arched her back as I plunged two fingers into her, quickly adding a third, pumping them in and out of her, curling the tips of my fingers on each thrust as my tongue continued to play with her clit.

Within minutes, maybe less, I wasn't paying attention, she was coming undone around my fingers and in my mouth and like I said before, it was fucking exquisite. Watching Bella climax was something I could do all day every fucking day and never get bored. She was beautiful.

As she flopped back onto the bed, I discarded my jeans and underwear, grabbing a condom out of my bag and rolling it on before I climbed back on top of her. She wrapped her arms around my neck, yanking me down and crashing our lips together as I eased into her. She gasped, her head flopping back onto the pillows.

"Oh God . . ." She moaned, her eyes rolling back into her head as I gently pushed into her, going slowly as she was so fucking tight. "Oh God . . . you can feel them . . ." Her fingers ran up the back of my neck and into my hair as she pulled me down and captured my mouth with her own. _Well, at least she likes the piercings. _Her legs wrapped around my waist, pulling me deeper within her and we let out twin moans at the depth and intensity of the moment.

I gave myself a moment, to try and gain some control of the moment because otherwise I was going to lose it completely and just fucking take her. Bella deserved better than that and I didn't want to freak her the hell out with my animalistic urges.

When I was sure I had control of myself again, I slowly pulled out of her, thrusting my way back in a little harder and she let out another moan. She met me thrust for thrust, well, as much as she could with her legs wrapped around me, and I knew that she was close when her walls started to clench around me. The pulsing of her muscles nearly sent me over the edge and I could feel my control over the situation waning as I thrust in and out of her, my once long, smooth strokes now short and rough.

She let out the most sensual moan as she climaxed around me, calling my name for all it was worth. My name had never sounded so good before. Within moments I exploded into the condom her name tumbling from my lips over and over again as I collapsed on top of her, careful to keep most of my weight off of her.

She let out a small whimper as I pulled out of her, discarding the condom in the waste basket the hotel provided by the bedside table and pulling her close to me.

"Remind me to ambush you more often." She giggled, wrapping her arms around me and kissing the tattoo on my chest, resting her head right on top of my heart.

"Please do." I chuckled, pulling her close to me.

"So, what do you want to do tonight?" She asked, rolling over onto her stomach, her fingers making gentle patterns around my belly button, smiling as she knocked the piercing lightly. She really liked that thing, didn't she?

"I have no idea." I replied, running my hands through her hair.

"How about, some room service and a movie?" She suggested and I nodded, smiling down at her. "Any preferences on the movie?"

"Not a one." I shook my head, stopping mid-shake, rethinking the wording. "Actually I have one. No romantic shit."

"Fair enough." She grinned at me, sliding away from me. "You know it's Alice and Rose who go for those ones anyway."

"This is true." I climbed off of the bed, only to be pushed back down by Bella. "Wh-"

She giggled, crashing her lips to mine, her fingers threading through my hair gently. "I'm going to head into the shower and then to the rental store. And don't you dare say 'why don't I go' because the answer is simple. I know where the closest rental store to here is and you don't."

"Cheap shot." I grumbled as she giggled again, quickly running into the bathroom, her bare ass taunting me as she moved away from me. Just to add insult to injury she locked the door. Probably so I couldn't jump her while she was showering. _Smart move._ I congratulated her thinking in my head as I pulled on my underwear and made my way out into the main area of the suite.

I grabbed our bags, taking them into the bedroom, knowing that Bella would want some fresh clothes to change into after her shower. I had to agree that there was nothing worse than getting dressed in old clothes after a shower. Ick factor came into play there.

She came out about ten minutes later, her wet hair draped over one shoulder, wearing nothing but a white towel that was fastened just above her breasts and barely covered her ass. _Duh . . . _pretty sure I look like a gobsmacked fish right now as various images concerning Bella, me and the removal of said towel flashed through my mind.

"Aha!" She waved her finger at me, a knowing smirk on her face as she grabbed her bag and disappeared back into the bathroom, casting a grin at me as she closed and locked the door again.

I scowled at the door, knowing I was being childish, but not really caring about it. She was being plain cruel now, flaunting the body I wanted so much.

When she reappeared, she was wearing a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a black vest top, pulling on a light grey cardigan at the same time. Her hair was dry and up in a loose knot at the back of her head and she had on these bright pink socks with black bows on them which I had to admit were just fucking cute.

"I'll be back in a little while." She smiled at me, walking over to the bed and leaning over me, pressing her lips to my forehead.

"I'll grab a shower and order some room service while you're out." I murmured against her body as I wrapped my arms around her.

"You know what I like, so you do that." She giggled, her hands resting in between my shoulder blades. "I'll be back in about fifteen minutes, okay?"

I pulled myself up, pressing my lips to hers before she made her way to the main area of the suite and sat down on the sofa, pulling on these fluffy boot things she'd brought with her.

"Not that I'm not impressed with it, but do I want to know how much this room cost?" She asked as she stood up, indicating the rest of the room as I leaned on the doorframe, watching her.

"No." I shook my head, smirking because I knew that she would probably have a fit if she knew how much I had spent on it.

"A fucking lot, then." She sighed, grabbing her jacket and scarf before her bag. "See you in a bit." She waved lightly at me before disappearing out the door.

I sighed, before rolling my eyes and banging my head on the doorframe. I closed the door, and made my way towards the phone that was on the bedside table, wanting to order the food before I got in the shower.

Ordering room service turned out to be fun, considering it was the girl from the front desk that answered and realising it was me, tried to proposition me over the phone. I was just glad that Bella wasn't here right now because she would have ripped the girl to pieces if she'd known. And for that girls' very safety I wasn't going to tell Bella what she had said. Not that I would want to repeat it anyway. No one should have to hear something like that, even if they weren't in a relationship. It was too weird.

I climbed into the shower, noticing that Bella had unpacked my shit in here as well. I couldn't help but smile at the thought of Bella thinking ahead like that. She knew me so well and she knew I hated using anything that wasn't mine.

I climbed out of the shower and quickly dried off, wrapping a towel around my middle and running one through my hair as I made my way into the bedroom.

"Edward!" I heard Bella call me as the door to the room closed quietly behind her.

"Bedroom!" I shouted back and I heard her footsteps coming towards the room as I pulled on my jeans.

"Well, that's a sight I like coming home to." I turned to see her standing there, fresh faced from the crisp Seattle air, her eyes bright and cheeks and the end of her nose slightly red as she watched me.

"Glad you think so." I grinned as I pulled a t-shirt on without really looking at which one it was. "What film did you get?"

"This." She pulled the movie out of her bag and held it up as I made my way towards her. She giggled slightly as I wrapped my arms around her, ignoring the DVD in her hand and pressing a kiss to her ice cold forehead. "Look."

I looked at the film and rolled my eyes, shaking my head at her. "Uh-huh."

"What?" She grinned at me, knowing full well _what_. "I thought it was appropriate."

"You would." I chuckled at her, shaking my head again as I took the film from her. "But 'The Tattooist'? Seriously?" She shrugged lightly, grinning at me as we stood there.

"Have you seen it before?" Her eyes looked slightly worried that I had, relaxing when I shook my head. "Well, then, there isn't a problem." She started back towards the main area of the room, me following slowly behind her, watching as she moved. "Come on, it's not as though there are loads of films about what you do."

"Yeah, but that's not based around the technique used in Western culture." She looked down at the back of the film. "It's based around Samoan tattooing."

"So." She shrugged, looking at the back again.

"Or did you just get it because you think the main actor is cute?" I narrowed my eyes at her and she giggled slightly, blushing a light pink that had nothing to do with the cold air outside. "Thought so."

"So what if I do." She shrugged, taking her jacket off at the same time. "He's not you."

"Is that so?" She wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her head on my chest, her eyes closed.

"You're the only one I want, Edward." She whispered softly, her eyes betraying all of her emotion.

"You're more than I could ever deserve to want." I replied, my lips capturing hers swiftly.

There was a knock at the door and I couldn't help but growl lightly at the interruption. Bella laughed as I went to the door, shaking her head at me as she knelt down to set up the film.

I opened the door so that the food could be brought in and, after tipping the guy to basically get the hell out of the room, I grabbed the food and made my way over to where Bella was sitting on the couch.

"Okay, it's only the DVD menu, but it's kinda creepy." She said softly as she took her food and curled up next to me, grinning like an idiot when she saw that I had ordered her favourite.

"That's because it's a thriller." I explained and she nodded, her mouth full of ravioli. I couldn't help but chuckle as I pressed play on the DVD and sat back against her, wishing I had waited for a moment or two to start eating while the film started. Tip: don't eat while watching the opening scene to the Tattooist. Not pleasant.

**

Part of the way into the film, I was sure that Bella was getting annoyed with me, because apparently, there is an aspect of Western tattooing in the film and the tattooist in me couldn't help but point out the mistakes.

"Edward, if you say one more thing, I swear . . ." She didn't need to finish her sentence for me to get the picture. It was already memorised.

"I'll be good." I said quickly, pulling her to me as another one of the unfortunate tattooed characters met their end.

"Remind me never to go to Samoa for a tattoo." Bella mumbled quietly and I couldn't help but laugh at the seriousness of her tone.

"This doesn't actually happen to people tattooed with Samoan tools, love. It's just a story."

"Yeah, but I don't think I'm ever going to get this film out of my head now." She looked up at me, her eyes widening as she took in the scene in the shower. "Why would she think that would work?"

"Because she knows what's happening with her tattoo and wants to get it off." I explained as the main character walked into his bathroom to find one of his clients bloody and dying due to his work. "Though it _is_ kind of a moot point now."

"Huh?" Bella looked up at me through her hair and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Come on out, love." I pushed her hair away from her face and she shook her head. "It's not even that scary."

"Oh, the fact that it's scary doesn't bother me." She shook her head, glancing at the screen and closing her eyes again. "It's the blood."

"The blood." I finished at the same time and she nodded. So she still hadn't gotten over her aversion to blood, huh? "Do you remember that time I had to take you home from school because we were doing blood typing in Bio?"

"Yes." She grumbled being reminded of the time I had to practically – well, I say practically, it was more like literally – carry her to the nurses office because she'd nearly passed out due to the blood.

We spent rest of the movie in silence though I had to complain when he had finished a tattoo that looked like it was a good few weeks old, though he was literally supposed to have finished it moments before.

"I mean, come on. How is _that_ believable? Even people who don't know about tattooing know that is _not_ how a fresh tattoo looks." I looked down at Bella to find her smiling up at me. "What?"

"You're cute when you're protective of what you do." She grinned at me and I rolled my eyes at her. Apparently I was '_cute_'. Great. Very fucking manly, huh? "What? You are."

**

"Thanks for that." I sighed, pulling her to me. She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder.

"What time is your meeting with Jenks tomorrow?" She asked, running her fingers up and down the thorns on my arm and I physically relaxed with the contact.

"Ten o'clock." I replied, feeling my eyes closing slowly.

"Bed time for you, I think." She smiled at me, knowing that I was tired. I was tired, I wasn't going to lie. What with the flight and the workout I'd gotten from Bella this evening, I think I'm entitled to feel a little wiped. "Come on." She stood up, pulling me up with her. In all honesty, if I hadn't wanted to move I could have trapped her on the couch with me, but hell, I wanted the comfy bed. Preferably with Bella in it as well.

We both stripped off, down to our underwear, not bothering to put on pyjamas, but wanting to be wearing at least _something_ in case we had to get up before we wanted to.

She wrapped her arms around me, lacing her legs through mine as she rested her head above my heart, pressing a kiss to the tattoo that represented us both. I was asleep before she was, her fingers gently lulling me to the place where I wished I could avoid the past and yet where it came back to haunt me.

_***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***_

"This is insane!" Bella sat there, her eyes wide as she took in the figures on the paper in front of her. Hell, I didn't blame her. I had seen how much was in that account and I had almost laughed at Jenks when I saw it, thinking that it was a joke and asking for the real copy of my account details. I didn't though because of the serious look on his face. So I just sat there and let out a nervous laugh.

"Tell me about it." I sighed, glancing at the paper that was spread over the small coffee table in our hotel room. "Well, at least you can't complain if I spend anything on you. We both know that I have enough."

"I can still complain." She narrowed her eyes at me and I laughed. "This is . . . you're a millionaire."

"I know." I shook my head, trying to make sure that the number in front of me were in fact, correct. Yup, still the same.

Getting to J. Jenks' office this morning, I hadn't been expecting to be rushed through like I was some high priority case that had to be dealt with. Of course, I didn't want to wait forever, but I didn't want to be put before others that were scheduled before me, either. Now I saw why he didn't want me to wait. A client with 3.2 million in a savings account with you is going to be worth coddling, isn't it?

"I'm just so glad we don't have to worry about covering the cost of the shop anymore." I sighed, running my hand through my hair. "I don't care about the rest of it. The shop is what I care about. I don't need the rest."

"It's gotta be nice to know it's there though. Just in case." She shrugged, looking over at me. I shrugged, shaking my head lightly. I honestly didn't care about the money in that account. It could sit there and gather dust for all I cared. "Edward." I looked up at her and she had a worried look on her face.

"What is it?" I asked, concerned and moving over towards her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She shook her head quickly. "Nothing's wrong."

"I've told you once, and I'll tell you again, you're a shit liar." She shoved me gently before contradicting that movement and pulling me closer to her. "What's the matter?"

"Charlie called earlier." She sighed, her breath coming out of her nose in a short burst.

"So?" I shrugged gently, not understanding why that would get her worked up. She talked to Charlie all the time.

"He knows I'm in Seattle." She looked up at me, her stare pointed. "Apparently your mother can't keep her mouth shut. And neither can mine."

"I'm still not getting the problem." I told her honestly and she sighed again, this time more gently as she sat up a little, still keeping a firm grip on me as though she thought I was going to bolt at any moment.

"They want me to go and see them. Tomorrow." She bit her lip again and I managed to push all other scenarios in which she did that aside. It was extremely hard to do. Pun totally intended. I shook my head again, still confused. Colour me crazy, but why was it a problem for her to go and see her parents. Didn't seem to be to me. "My mom wants to see you as well."

Now _that_ was a different story.

"Wh- what?" I shook my head and Bella nodded slowly. "Your mom wants to see _me_?"

"Mhmm." She nodded lightly, not allowing her eyes to leave mine.

"Why?"

"She says that she's missed you like crazy and wants to see you again."

"I'm gonna kill my mother." I sighed and Bella nodded, closing her eyes slowly.

"Can I help?"

"No." I shook my head. "This is a job I have to undertake on my own. I wouldn't want you to get hurt." I couldn't help but smile as she laughed at my mock seriousness at the situation. "Why did she have to tell Renee?"

"I have no idea." She shook her head, leaning back into me. "Charlie wants to see me tomorrow, seeing as we leave on Thursday."

"Right." I closed my eyes, nodding slowly.

"You don't have to come." She said softly, her fingers running through my hair.

"What kind of boyfriend would that make me if I didn't?" I looked down at her and she bit her lip again. "They don't actually know that I'm your boyfriend, do they?"

"Unless your mom dropped that bombshell too, then no." She sighed softly, turning around to look at me. There was a good chance that she had seen the confusion and hurt on my face at the fact she hadn't even told her parents we were together. "Hey, honey, it's only because I haven't spoken to them all that much since I've been in Chicago. You remember my dad, not really one for conversation, is he? And he knows I have a boyfriend, but he just doesn't know who."

"That much of a disappointment, am I?" I couldn't help but feel hurt at the fact she hadn't told her parents we were together.

"Of course not, love." She cupped my face in her hands, turning my head so I had to look at her. "When I told him I have a boyfriend, he practically flipped out. Honestly, it was like I was thirteen and wanting to bring a guy home for the first time. I didn't get a chance to tell him it was you."

"What do you mean?" Didn't get the chance? What the hell did _that_ mean?

"You remember what my dad's like." She sighed, shaking her head. "He chased away any guy that he thought I might even like. There was no getting through to him remember?"

"He let me in." I shrugged and she rolled her eyes at me, which meant I was clearly not getting the point.

"Because you were my best friend and he thought that nothing would ever happen." She pressed her lips to my forehead. "If he knew that it was really _you_ that I wanted the whole time, you would not have been allowed in the driveway."

"But that still doesn't answer why he doesn't know _who_ your boyfriend is." I couldn't help the hurt seeping back into my voice and her eyes took on a panicked look when she heard it.

"Because the moment I mentioned that I was seeing someone he went off on some tirade about me being his little girl and not getting hurt and making sure that you're good for me and all that crap he normally comes out with. After he finished that he made up some excuse about having to go and hung up on me. Every time I try to bring you up, he changes the subject. It's like he won't hear of me seeing anyone."

"Well, you _are_ his little girl."

"I know." She sighed, running her hands through her hair, becoming aggravated with the situation of her father. "But he thinks that he still has final say over my love life. I mean, I'm twenty-seven for Christ's sake. It's not like I'm a little girl anymore."

"You know, I'm thinking that maybe . . . it's not your mom who wants me to come with you." I raised an eyebrow and she sighed, nodding.

I remembered what her father was like. She was his little girl and no male was getting near her. The only exceptions to the rule were Jasper, Emmett and myself. And that was because he knew we were only friends and had known each other since we were still all speaking in single syllables, not able to manage anything bigger. I think Alice had hit the 'no' stage when we met Bella, me having just come out of it. Or so my parents say, anyway. If he'd known that I'd been in love with Bella since before I can remember, I wouldn't have been allowed anywhere near her, other than in school. Not that that would have stopped me, anyway. It shocked me though, that he still thought that he could control her love life, especially from across something like six or so states. Power had definitely gone to the Police Chief's head on that one.

"Of course." She grabbed at her hair. "I can't believe that he is still doing the whole 'I need to approve your boyfriend' thing. I thought he grew out of that when I went to college."

"Did you really?" I raised an eyebrow at her and she shook her head, sighing gently.

"No, not really." She turned over, straddling me as she looked down at me. "But I wish he would. Yeah, I get that he wants to make sure that I'm alright, but it's like . . . I'm a grown woman, I need to make my own decisions and my own mistakes. Did you know, he was adamant about me not moving to Chicago?"

"Really? Actually, that doesn't surprise me." Sounds like something Charlie would be against.

"Well, he was." She nodded, her fingers running patterns over my chest lightly. It wasn't supposed to be erotic, just a comfort thing for her, but hey, I can't control what happens with Lil' Eddie down there, can I? "And I have to say, that I've never been more pleased that I didn't listen to him."

"Why's that?"

"Because if I had listened to him, I'd still be in Port Angeles, or the furthest Seattle. And I would never have found you." She tapped me on the nose on the word 'you' and I scrunched it up, smiling at her. "Did you know, that it was me that first realised you were in the bar?"

"No, I didn't." I shook my head. Had the strawberries and freesias I'd smelled really been her? I'd doubted it before, but now that she mentioned it, I was beginning to realise that I might have been right all along.

"I was at the bar, and I heard your voice. Even after ten years, I still knew it above all the others. And being honest, that first night, it scared the shit out of me. Thinking that you were actually there, in the same bar with us."

"Then Emmett decided to hit me." She nodded slowly, sadly, her fingers running gently over the ring on the side of my lip that had been split. It had long since healed, but I knew by the look in her eyes she could still see the line of blood that had come from it that night. "Hey, it's okay. He had a right to be angry with me."

"Not to hit you though." She shook her head, pressing a gentle kiss to the edge of my lip. I twisted my head, capturing her lips with my own, letting her know, through my kiss that all was forgotten, that it didn't matter, all that mattered was that she was with me, here, now and that I was never letting her go again.

"It's done and it's forgotten, alright?"

"Okay." She smiled down at me, shifting herself so that instead of laying on top of me, she was nestled into my side. She still had her leg hitched over my hip, her foot nestled behind my knee as we lay there. It all seemed so natural.

It was something I'd never thought I could have.

But I had it. It was here. She was mine and I was hers. And no one was ever going to fucking take her away from me. Ever.

_***~*~*~*~*~*~*~***_

"Love, are you sure you're alright?" I asked Bella again as we passed the 'Welcome to Forks' sign. She had been quiet the entire journey, staring out of the window at the passing scenery and cars.

"Mhmm." She nodded, not looking at me and chewing on her thumb nail yet again. I sighed, rolling my eyes and shaking my head, knowing that she was far from fine. I made sure that there was no one driving right up my ass before indicating and pulling over onto the side of the road. I wanted to make sure that she really was okay before getting to her parents house. "What are you doing?"

I didn't say anything, instead, I undid my seatbelt and got out of the car, making my way around the front and opening Bella's door. She looked at me strangely as I knelt down just outside her door.

"Love, I know that you're not okay." I said softly, looking into her eyes, which at the moment were more nervous than the first time she had ever snuck out of the house and was afraid that Charlie was going to notice and find her. She had been afraid that he would ground her until she was fifty if he caught her out of the house after her curfew. He didn't, so her nerves were unfounded. Just like they were now. "I know you're nervous about seeing your father, and I know that being with me is the reason for that."

"But it's not-" I pressed a finger to her lips, effectively silencing her.

"Are you saying that if you were here with Alice or Rose, you would be _this_ nervous?" She didn't answer so I took that as my answer. "Look, I know it's not because it's _me_, though I don't think I'm in the best books with your dad as it is, but that's another story. I know it's because I'm your boyfriend and contrary to what you think, I do remember what he was like when it came to guys you liked. But you're also forgetting one thing." Her brow furrowed at me, clearly confused. "I've known the chief since I was three. I know how he works with guys, remember? I know the whole intimidation tactic that he uses. I've seen him use it before. It's not going to work on me. I . . . I care about you too much to let him chase me away. Now . . . you on the other hand, have to calm down. Like you said yesterday, you're a grown woman, you can make your own decisions and letting him affect you in this way, you're giving him the control back. Don't let him take it."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" She sighed, resting her forehead on mine and pressing a kiss to my nose, making me chuckle lightly.

"You're just . . . you. And you don't need to be anything more." I told her honestly. She didn't need to change or do anything differently when it came to me. She was just Bella and to me, she was perfect the way she was.

"How are you not freaking out about this?" She asked, her eyes roaming my face, trying to ascertain some answers probably. "I mean, it's your balls he's going to want to butcher off with a rusty knife."

"I am freaking. Just not about that. Charlie Swan can only intimidate me if I let him." I told her honestly.

"Oh God, I'm sorry. I haven't even thought about how being back here must be affecting you. I'm such a-"

"Such a what?" I challenged and she looked at me, her eyes full of guilt.

"What kind of a girlfriend doesn't even notice her boyfriend is freaking out?" She asked, running a hand through my hair before resting the side of her hand on my shoulder and running her thumb up and down the vine on the side of my neck.

"The one whose boyfriend is extremely good at hiding the fact he's freaking out." I countered and she let out a breathy laugh, rolling her eyes at me.

"Seriously, though, you are alright with being back here, aren't you?" The concern in her eyes was overwhelming and I knew that she was going to fuss over how I was if I didn't tell her the truth. Not that I could really lie to Bella anyway. One, it made me feel guilty to lie to her and two, she knew when I was bullshitting anyway.

"Honestly?" I took a deep breath, looking around. I could just see the diner up in front of us and I knew that we weren't far away from Bella's parents house. "It's hard . . . being back here. Harder than I thought it would be, but I'll be okay. Yeah, a lot of shit has happened in Forks, but this isn't the hardest place for me to be."

She nodded in understanding. "Port Angeles." I nodded and she lowered her head, kissing me deeply, passionately and slowly, pouring all of her emotions into that one kiss, trying to ease the tension I was feeling at being back in the place I had run from all those years ago.

"Are you okay, now?" I asked her and she took a deep breath, straightening up and looking out of the front of the car.

"I think so." She nodded, smiling at me as I stood up. "Thank you."

"It's what I'm here for." I grinned at her, closing her door and making my way back to the drivers' side of our rental.

It took us a further five minutes to reach Bella's parents and I saw that both of them were home. Renee's little red Rabbit was sitting in front of the door, Charlie's police cruiser parked in front of it. I swear, he had to be coming close to retirement soon. Either that or he had already passed it and couldn't let go. Not that there was much happening in Forks that warranted any police action.

We climbed out of the car, just as the front door opened and Charlie stepped out, wearing his trusty off duty uniform of loose jeans, white wife beater and an old chequered shirt. Some things obviously never change, do they?

"Hi, Dad." Bella smiled, making her way over to her dad, her fears about his reaction to me momentarily forgotten. I knew that he was assessing me from afar as he hugged his daughter and I was glad that I'd dressed somewhat decently today in a pair of black jeans, black t-shirt and white button down. Yeah, I'd paired it with my black chucks but in my defence they were brand new. Unscuffed and everything. "You remember Edward, right, Dad?" Bella broke away from her father before coming over to take my hand and pull me towards where he was waiting, arms folded, his stance meaning to be intimidating. _Yes, Charlie. You're all big and scawy. I'm quaking in my boots._

"Course I do." His demeanour was exactly as I had expected it to be. He wasn't impressed that I was with Bella. Not at all. But I meant what I said to Bella. I didn't really care what her father thought of me. Hell, I knew what he fucking well thought of me, especially after I left all those years ago. And being honest, I didn't give a tiny rat's ass.

He moved aside, allowing Bella and I into the house, though I could tell he'd prefer to have shut the door in my face, never letting Bella out again. Which was something I could see Charlie doing.

"Bella!" I heard Renee before I saw her coming out of the kitchen, throwing her arms around her daughter, who nearly toppled over with the force of her mother's hug. I was glad I was standing behind Bella, meaning I could steady her before she and Renee landed in a pile on the floor. She shot me a grateful look as she wrapped her arms around her mother. "Oh, Edward!" I swear, I thought Renee's face was going to break from the width of her smile. "Oh, dear, it's been so long." I didn't have any time to prepare as she threw her arms around my neck, pulling me down to her level, which was about a foot shorter than mine.

And all Bella did was giggle behind her hand as she watched her mother strangle me. _Great girlfriend, huh?_

"Oh, look at you." Renee pulled back and cupped my face with her hands, much like Bella did. Though, thankfully with Renee, it was more a mother admiring her long lost son. "So handsome."

"Uh, thanks." If there was one person on this planet that could embarrass me at all, it was Renee. Most of the time, I don't think she realised she was doing it.

"Mom." Bella scolded, coming to my rescue at long last and wrapping her arm around my waist. I could have sworn I heard a growl coming from behind me, but that was by the by. "You're making him blush."

"I always knew that the two of you would end up together." She grinned, tapping her two index fingers together.

"Is that so?" She nodded at me and I looked down at Bella who was laughing. "She always knew."

"She could have let us know." Bella giggled, resting her head on my chest.

"Come on, into the kitchen and I'll make some tea." Renee grabbed both of our arms, dragging us forward a couple of steps before letting go and whizzing into the kitchen in front of us.

"Are you sure she's not Alice's mom?" I asked Bella, completely serious and she laughed, nodding, probably seeing where I was coming from.

"If she was then that would make me your sister, and that's just wrong." She looked up and me and I nodded.

"Yeah, that's gross." I agreed as we entered the kitchen to see Renee buzzing around like nothing was more essential. But then again, knowing Renee's attention span for . . . well, anything, it probably was.

"Seriously, Mom, what's with the tea?" Bella groaned and I chuckled, knowing she hated tea. Give her a cup of coffee in the morning, you were her friend for life, but give her a cup of tea, which I think they'd found has the same amount of caffeine – or somewhere near it anyway – and you better steer clear for a week or two.

"Oh, shush." Renee waved her off as we sat down at the table. "Tea's good for you."

"Tea sucks, mom." She whined again, sounding more and more like the teenage Bella that used to dwell within these walls.

"What about you, Edward?" The both looked at me expectantly and I held my hands up in defeat.

"Nuh-uh. I'm not getting involved."

"Coward." Bella mumbled, scowling at me out of the corner of her eye.

"Yes." I nodded once and she laughed as Renee and Charlie sat down at the table as well.

I could practically feel Charlie's pointed glare at me and though I was trying to ignore it, it was starting to bug me. Did he think that I would leave if he stared at me for long enough?

"So, Edward." He started, his voice low and gruff, just as I remembered it to be. "Where are you living now? What are have you been up to for the last _decade_?"

I don't think that a deaf person could have missed the underlying point that I had been gone for ten years, it was so pointed. I knew that he was trying to get a reaction from me, and it wasn't going to work. I dealt with people like him on a regular basis.

"Actually, I live in Chicago." I looked up at him, a smile on my face. That only seemed to aggravate him further, knowing that his techniques weren't working on me. _Sorry, Charlie. You want to use those old techniques, make sure it's not on someone who's seen them a hundred times before._ "I've been there since I left."

"What do you do there?" Renee asked, her curiosity clear. I could tell with Renee it was curiosity as opposed to Charlie's possible Spanish inquisition.

"I co-own a tattoo shop-"

"Tattoo shop?" _Well, I guess we have Charlie's opinion on my occupation_. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, Charlie, I am." I nodded towards him. "I started working there when I left, got my licence, qualified and now I own half of the business."

"I thought you were going to be a doctor." His voice was matter of fact and I couldn't dispute his statement.

"I _did_ want to be a doctor. But then I found tattooing and I found something I really love." I shrugged, knowing that my answer wasn't good enough for him, but then again, nothing I said would be good enough for him.

"You should see some of the work he's done. It's incredible." Bella grinned and I couldn't help but smile back at her. I knew that she loved what I did. She found it amazing that I could do what I did, putting artwork onto people's bodies, marking them with my work.

"Not very stable work, though, is it?" Charlie huffed over the rim of his mug and I could tell he'd rather have a beer to tea.

"Sure we have our slow days." I shrugged, nodding my head at him and his question. "But even with only a few little ones we can make a couple hundred dollars in a day, which when you think about it, is more than the average American earns. You might not think its stable work, but it's what I love, so I'm going to carry on doing it until I'm not able to anymore."

"What about if you get married and have children?" I could see where he was going here and decided to cut him off at the pass.

"That's where being my own boss is great. I can take time off without really having to explain myself or wait weeks for an approval. My partner can do the same as well. And most of the clients I have are regulars who don't mind if I have to rearrange or cancel a session for whatever reason, because they know it's a good one. Working for some corporation or a hospital or somewhere like that, I wouldn't be able to do that."

"One of the joys of being your own boss, I guess, huh?" Renee grinned at me over her mug and I nodded, taking a sip of tea. I didn't know what Bella was complaining about. Renee's tea was awesome. She was just fussy. But then again, I think she knew that.

"Renee." Charlie hissed and her gaze snapped over to him.

"What, Charlie?" She snapped back at him. "I don't care what you think, Charlie, I've missed him. If I want to behave like a civil human being, I will and I expect you to do the same."

I cast Bella a nervous glance, one that she reciprocated before looking back at her parents who were obviously having some sort of contest across the table. He sighed and looked away first shaking his head, muttering something about 'women' and Renee slammed her mug down and stormed out of the room.

"Dad!" Bella stood up, glaring at him before taking off after her mother. Great. This was perfect. Now I was left alone with Charlie, who no doubt wanted to blow my head off with a rifle he's got stashed somewhere close by.

"Right, Edward." I sighed internally, knowing what was going to happen now. He was going to have the 'I don't like you' speech and I had to at least pretend to listen. "I'm going to cut to the chase. I don't know what happened all those years ago to make you leave, but it hurt Bella a lot, which means that I'm not really all that excited to let you back into her life."

I know it's not really wise to interrupt the father of your girlfriend when he's trying to threaten you, but hey, I'm breaking that rule. "I'm sorry, but I don't really think that it's your choice anymore."

"Excuse me?" Okay, so I've pissed off the beast even more.

"When she was fourteen, fifteen, then yeah, I can understand you wanting to make sure she doesn't get hurt, but she's twenty-seven now: a grown woman and she can make her own decisions, whether or not she gets hurt along the way. People _have_ to make mistakes or else they're not going to learn. Trust me, I know. I've learned that one the hard way. Bella's grown up, she lives across the country and she _can_ make her own decisions. She doesn't need you and Renee to do that for her anymore."

There was nothing I could do but sit and wait for Charlie's face to return to its natural colour. Something it was taking a long time to do.

"Tell me." His voice was full of false calm as he tried to calm himself down after my little speech. "Why _did_ you leave, especially if you know it was a mistake?"

"Now I see that it was a mistake to leave, back then I thought I was doing the right thing. But I know that I still would have left sooner or later. It wasn't a choice I really had a say in."

"What the hell does that mean?" Great, now I was pissing him off even more. "And that didn't answer my question of why you left."

"I left because I had to. Because things that I couldn't deal with were happening."

"Like what?" He wasn't going to let this go, was he? He was where Bella got her stubborn streak from, I knew this.

"Things I'm not comfortable sharing." I looked up at him, seeing the frustration in his eyes at my lack of answers.

"If you want to date my daughter-"

"Then I'll do so whether you say I can or not." I shrugged, not really caring anymore. He wasn't going to be able to tell me what to do and he shouldn't be pushing Bella around when it came to who she could date either. "Being perfectly honest, you don't have any authority to tell Bella what she can or cannot do anymore. I don't care whether you say I can see her or not, because I love her and you're not gonna tear us apart."

"You what?" That wasn't the voice I was expecting and I turned to see Bella standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a small smile on her face. "What did you say?"

I stood up and made my way over to her, wrapping my arms around her waist as her arms encircled my neck.

"I love you." I whispered and she grinned at me, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "It's always been you."

"You're the only one for me, Edward." She whispered back, closing her eyes and pressing her lips to my jaw gently. "I love you, too." I couldn't help but grin as our lips met, gently and tenderly, all knowledge of where we were and who was there slipping away as we melted into our own little bubble.

Maybe this trip back to Washington wasn't so bad after all.

_***~***_


	18. Flashes of Life

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. It's great fun. Oh! Just to let you know, I do own Masen. Love him! Hands off! He's mine.**

_**Whoot, whoot! Everyone who's got tickets to the Liverpool Tattoo Convention AND Tattoo Jam put your hands up! *waves hands like a maniac* Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Happy dance time.**_

_**Now that that's out of my system, on with the story :D**_

_'The velocity of time turns her voice into sugar water_

_I'm on a concrete way  
The wind is blowing to the north-northwest  
It smells like sands of the southern island_

_When a black cat crosses my path  
A woman in the moon is singing to the earth  
A woman in the moon is singing to the earth_

_La la la, la la la la la la  
La la la, la la la la la la  
La la la, la la la la la la  
La la la, la la la la la la_

_I'm riding on a camel that has big eyes  
The buildings are changing into coconut trees  
Little by little_

_When a black cat crosses my path  
A woman in the moon is singing to the earth  
A woman in the moon is singing to the earth_

_La la la, la la la la la la  
La la la, la la la la la la  
La la la, la la la la la la  
La la la, la la la la la la  
La la la, la la la la la la  
La la la, la la la la la la  
La la la, la la la la la la  
La la la, la la la la la la_

_We are taking sugar water shower  
Shower'_

_'Sugar Water' - Cibo Matto_

_***~* Bella *~***_

Was it wrong of me to want to do a happy dance around the kitchen?

No?

Well that's good then, because I really _really _wanted to.

He loves me.

Edward loves me.

_Edward loves me!_

Edward Anthony Cullen loves _me!_

No matter how many times I repeated it in my head, it didn't seem real. His words didn't want to sink in even as I stood there, in my childhood kitchen, his arms around me, his lips on mine, portraying all the love he felt for me.

I truly couldn't believe it.

"Ahem!"

I froze upon hearing Charlie clear his throat. As did Edward. I couldn't help but smile when I saw the mischievous glint in Edward's eye that had always been present when we'd gotten ourselves into some kind of shit when we were little. And as I remembered, the majority was because of the Cullen twins. _Hmmm . . ._

We both turned to look at Charlie at the same time to see he was standing up, hands palm down on the table, glaring at the two of us – well, mainly Edward – for all he was worth. Personally, I thought his head was going to explode. Amusing.

I looked back up at Edward, who was watching Charlie carefully as though he might in fact explode and would need to protect me from the spatter that would no doubt drench the kitchen. Although I knew it wasn't a nice thing to be imagining your father exploding, the image was interesting in my head.

I pulled Edward down gently, placing a kiss just below his ear. "Why don't you go and talk to my mom for a few minutes." I whispered gently in his ear. "I think I need to talk to my dad."

He looked at me, his eyes roaming my face for any sign that I might want him to stay here with me. I did. I never wanted him to leave my side again, but I knew that I had to deal with Charlie's irrational over-protectiveness on my own. He nodded once, placing a tender kiss on my forehead before making his way into the sitting room where my mother was. I knew Renee would be civil to him. She said she had missed him and I knew she had. She took his departure hard and though she didn't understand why he left, she would always welcome him back.

I watched him go before he disappeared around the corner, missing him even though he was only in the next room, before I turned and glared at Charlie.

"What the hell was that about?" I asked him, crossing my arms over my chest and staring him down.

"You're asking me that question?" He scoffed, pushing himself up off of the table and pacing a little. "Seriously Bella. _You're_ asking _me_ that question?"

"Yes. I am."

"Well, what the hell am I supposed to think?" He growled out, stopping and turning to face me. "You disappear to Chicago for two months and then I have to hear from Renee, who heard from _Esme_ that you're going to be in Seattle without even considering coming to see us. _Then_ I find out that you're seeing someone and you rock up with _him_! I thought you had more sense than that Bella."

"Why does it matter that it's Edward I'm seeing?" I practically sneered back at him. "Oh, wait! It doesn't! You'd be the same if it was anybody though wouldn't you?!"

"No." He shook his head, his eyes fixed on me. "It _does_ matter that it's Edward. Have you forgotten the way he treated you before he _disappeared_, Bella? How many nights you spent crying over his behaviour?"

"And have _you_ forgotten that we weren't really accepting of him either?" I shot back. "And it was five against one. Yes, he may have been shitty before he left, but so were we. And it was because of _us_ that finally pushed him too far making him believe that the only way he could move on was to leave in the end."

"Don't even get me started on him leaving." Charlie scoffed, shaking his head again. "And don't even _try_ taking the blame for his decisions Bella. Ultimately it was _his_ decision to leave. No one else made that. And I don't think he realises how much it affected everyone here."

"Oh, he does." I replied, remembering the look of pain when he remembered leaving town. He knew that he would be hurting everyone, but he believed that in leaving, it would be better than him remaining and hurting those he loved more and more each day. "And how can you say that when you know absolutely _nothing_ about that? You don't know anything, Charlie!"

"And I'm guessing you do." His eyes widened a little, realising that I in fact, did know why Edward had left, as did the others. "Why did he leave, then? Huh? Why?"

"It's not for me to say." I replied quietly.

"Right." He scoffed, leaning back on the counter. "So . . . you come in here, with _him_ and expect me to accept that you're with him now? You really expect me to do that?"

"No." I shook my head, settling my weight on my left foot and glaring at him. "I don't _expect_ you to do anything. You don't really get a say in what I do anymore. I live in Chicago now. I'm twenty seven years old. I'm a grown woman and I can make my own decisions. It's not like I'm a fifteen year old girl that you can protect anymore. Yeah, I know that some decisions I've made and will most likely make will be mistakes and cause me some pain, but that's the whole point of growing up and being an _adult_."

"I know I can't stop you from making your own decisions, Bella. But I do know that if you carry on whatever this is with Edward, it will be the biggest mistake you ever make." He said this with such conviction and I knew that nothing anyone said would sway him. What he had seen when Edward left was ingrained in him. The hurt that I felt, the way I shut down. All he knew was his daughter was hurting because of the man in the next room and I knew that it was taking him a lot of self control not to hurt him for that.

"No." I shook my head slowly. "The biggest mistake I've ever made was letting Edward go. A mistake I _won't_ be making again. Edward's here to stay, Charlie. You don't have to like it, but at least be civil."

"I can't promise that, Bells." Like I didn't expect that much.

"It's my life, Charlie." I narrowed my eyes at him, warning him to back off. "Let me live it."

With that I turned around and marched into the sitting room, where Edward and Renee were laughing at something.

"Everything okay?" Edward asked, his eyes full of worry as I sat down next to him. He wrapped an arm around me, pulling me close to him and pressing his lips to my temple gently.

I sighed gently, melting into his embrace as I closed my eyes. "My dad's just being stubborn."

"Oh pssh." Renee waved off the statement as though it wasn't important. I raised an eyebrow at her and she laughed lightly. "He's just bent out of shape because his little girl is growing up and settling down."

"Forgive me, Renee, but I think it might not be the fact that she's 'settling down' as it were." He smirked at me as he spoke and I whacked him lightly on the chest, giggling lightly. "But the fact of _who_ she's settling down with."

"Well, I don't think there's anyone else for my little Bellsie." Renee smiled widely at the two of us as she sat there in front of us.

"Thank you, Renee." Edward smiled at her and then back down at me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his chest mouthing a 'thank you' at Renee. She grinned at me again and I knew that she had accepted Edward back as though he had never left. As hair-brained and flighty as she may be, Renee knew when something was right and when to argue a point. That was something I wished she'd educate my father on.

"Hey." I looked up at Edward and he hummed in response, looking back down at me. "Wanna go for a walk?" He raised an eyebrow at me as Renee got up and made her way out of the room. "It's just . . . I don't know . . . you haven't been here in so long and I just . . ."

"Okay." He whispered, pressing his lips to mine lightly.

"You sure?" I asked, hoping he wasn't agreeing just to placate me.

"Yeah." He nodded, smiling at me. "It has been a long time. I'd like to see what's changed."

"Not much." I snorted lightly and he chuckled at my response.

"Doesn't surprise me." He stood up, pulling me up with him.

"We're heading out for a walk. We'll be back a bit later on." I told Renee and Charlie. Well, more Renee than Charlie. He was still seething over my decision to let Edward back into my life and, most likely, over Renee's acceptance of Edward. I had the distinct feeling that if he knew what Edward had been through, he wouldn't be so judgemental. But then again, it was up to Edward to share that. Not me.

Putting our coats on, Edward and I walked out of the house and down the driveway hand in hand. I had to say, I missed the green of Forks. It was all I remembered and living in Chicago, you didn't really get to see that much green. It was all grey buildings, the occasional brown bricked building creeping its way into the monochrome sea. Forks was alive with colour and I loved it.

Saying that though, I loved Chicago and I wouldn't move back here for anything.

I would never regret my decision to move to Chicago. It might have seemed a bit reckless to some, but I had received the best surprise and gift from that decision: Edward. He was there and because of that stroke of luck, he was now here with me and he loved me.

What girl could ask for more?

As we strolled through the small town, I saw something glimmer in Edward's eyes. Ghosts of the past were running through his mind and I knew he was reliving some of his memories of the isolated snippet of civilisation he had called home for seventeen years.

We made our way into the diner, both cold and shivering slightly as we found a booth and sat down. A waitress came over and served us immediately and I felt the familiar pang of jealousy flare as she ogled Edward for a little too long. Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice as he smiled at me, his thumb brushing over the back of my hand lovingly. Neither of us were overly hungry, so we ordered a large plate of fries and two hot chocolates.

"What's up with you?" He asked, smirking at me as he watched me glare at Waitress McSlutty.

"Nothing." I mumbled, looking down at where our hands were joined.

"Liar." He answered, not missing a beat and I looked up at him quickly, wondering what the hell that was meant to mean. "You're a shitty liar, Bella."

"I know." I sighed, resting my head on my free hand.

"So, you gonna tell me what the hell's wrong or am I going to have to work it out myself?" I looked up at him to see his jade eyes filled with concern as he watched me, this thumb never stilling its calming movements. "I know it's more than the fucking waitress, Bells."

"How did-" I cut myself off, not really wanting to know how he could get inside my head so easily. Either that or I was just really transparent when it came to my jealousy. "You're right. But how did you not notice her practically eye-fucking you as she stood there?"

"Because I have the most fucking beautiful woman in the world sitting in front of me." Only Edward could add in profanity and still make it sound sweet and endearing. "What do I care if some waitress in a shitty diner is eyeing me up when I have you here?"

I shook my head, lifting up our joined hands and pressing my lips to his. He smiled at me, his eyes glittering dangerously. I quickly decided I didn't want to know what was going through his mind at the moment. I doubted it was suitable for a family diner.

The waitress appeared shortly after with our fries and drinks, focusing on Edward the entire time and completely ignoring me. He glanced at her as he declined the offer of anything else and I knew for a fact that he didn't miss the double meaning of her statement. I raised my eyebrows in a 'see' fashion and he shrugged his shoulders, pressing a kiss to my hand as he lifted his cup and sipped at the hot liquid.

All of you who think it's wrong to be turned on seeing Edward's lips wrap around the rim of that mug raise your hands.

No one?

That's good then.

"Bella Swan?" I cringed slightly as Edward chuckled at the high pitched voice that rung through the air. "Is that you? Oh my God, it is!"

I looked up to see Jessica Stanley standing there, a massive shit-eating grin on her face. I really didn't want to be dealing with her today. Or ever, really.

"Hi, Jess." I smiled meekly back at her. Anyone else would have sensed that I didn't want to talk, but Jessica? Not a chance. You acknowledge her and you were in for the long haul.

"Where on earth have you disappeared to?" She asked, sounding like it was the biggest mystery in the world. Which to her it probably was. "I mean, all of you have just disappeared."

"We all moved to Chicago." I told her quietly and her smile broadened. Wow. I never realised she had so many teeth.

"That's amazing!" _Really?_ I raised an eyebrow at Edward who had sucked one of the rings in his lip into his mouth to stop himself from laughing. Thank God she hadn't noticed him yet. I prayed she left before she did. "And I see you've met someone there. Bringing him home to meet the parents, right?" She winked at me and Edward chuckled lightly.

"Actually, Jessica, they already know him." I told her, glaring at him. He shrugged at me, an innocent look in his eyes. Right. This guy was anything but innocent. Little shit that he was.

"Really?" She looked surprised, looking at Edward again, as if trying to ascertain who he was. "How?"

"You remember Edward, right?" He narrowed his eyes at me and I smirked at him, eating a few fries before winking at him. His eyes were glued to my mouth and I wondered what on earth was going through his mind. Maybe I would find out later.

"Edward _Cullen_?" She practically shrieked and I saw him wince slightly at the intensity of her tone.

"Hi, Jessica." He grudgingly greeted her and she giggled like a high schooler. He glared at me and I smirked at him in response. _Ha! See how you like it, mister._

"Oh my God, it's been too long." She was practically bouncing as she looked him over, practically eye-fucking him as the waitress had done. She was probably still sore about the fact that he was one of the only guys she hadn't _actually_ fucked. And she definitely wouldn't be getting her skanky hands on my man.

I saw him move away from her slightly as she moved closer and I smiled to myself, wanting to have a little fun with him. I knew I was being cruel as I slipped off one of my shoes and lifted my leg up, resting my toes on his knee gently. He stilled in the process of taking a drink, his eyes narrowing at me as I ignored his gaze and took a sip of my own drink.

"So, Edward." Jessica purred, sitting on the edge of the table, trying to cut me out of the conversation in the process. "How long are you in town for?"

"Bella and I are heading back to Chicago in the morning." He replied his voice wavering slightly as my foot moved further up his leg, closer to my ultimate destination. His eyes narrowed at me again and I smirked at him from behind Jess as she sat there.

"That's a shame." I could hear the pout in her voice as Edward tensed yet again. I knew I was cruel for toying with him in this way but hey, way to show who has the control, right?

My foot was now at the top of his thigh, near his hip and he had completely frozen, his eyes on me as I sat there, nonchalantly eating the fries and drinking my hot chocolate. Actually I was trying not to laugh at his expression. It was somewhere between a look of complete horror at my actions and urging me to continue what I was doing. I went with the second one.

I flattened my foot out across the curve of his thigh, right where little Eddie Jr was residing at the moment and I felt his reaction stirring beneath the denim of his jeans.

"Because I was thinking maybe we could meet up later on. You know . . . _catch up_." As Jessica was speaking I had begun running my toes along his growing erection, feeling him hardening and growing beneath the confines of his jeans. And loving it.

"I don't think so." He shook his head quickly, his voice strained as he tried concentrating on what Jessica was saying. He was shooting me warning glances, trying to get me to stop what I was doing before he lost it.

I could feel the muscles in his leg tensing as I rested my heel whilst my foot moved and I knew that he was getting close.

"Oh well." Jessica sighed, running a finger down his arm. Unfortunately for her, it seemed like Edward didn't notice at all. "Maybe next time you're in town."

He mumbled something unintelligible as she moved off of the table and walked away, her hips moving so much it was obviously forced as though she was trying to gain Edward's attention with her mahoosive ass.

"Bella." He moaned, his head dropping onto his folded hands on the table. "What are you doing?" He reached down and grabbed my ankle, stopping it from moving. Unfortunately for him, I could feel the balls of the piercing at the head of his dick and scrunched up my toes and he moaned lightly. "Are you trying to kill me?"

I sighed, sitting up as much as I could with my ankle still in his hand. "I guess that _was_ pretty mean."

"You think?" He looked up at me, his eyes so dark they looked almost black. I couldn't help but smile to myself, knowing that look well. I didn't need to guess about the fact that he was turned on. I could feel that for myself, what with him twitching and pulsing underneath my foot, thank you very much.

I moved my foot away from him, out of his grasp as I put my shoe back on and placed a few bills on the table in front of me. I didn't think Edward was in any position to argue with me at the moment.

"Let's go." I sung cheerily as he glared at me. I stood up, waiting for him to follow me, which he did . . . eventually.

I bet he was wishing we'd brought the car now.

We walked out of the diner, hand in hand and I hadn't gone three paces before he stopped and pulling me to him, pressing me to his body so hard, I could feel his erection twitching against me as we stood there.

"You, Miss Swan are going to pay for that later." He growled in my ear. I giggled, smirking to myself as I looked around.

I pressed my lips to his and pulled him backwards, across the street and into the woods by the side of the road. Keeping hold of his jacket, I pulled him further into the woods, before slamming him into a tree and yanking his head down, crashing his lips to mine. I released his lips, kissing along his jaw and down his neck, my hands travelling down his chest and stomach, palming him through his jeans. He moaned at the contact, his eyes closing as his head fell back against the tree behind him.

"Bella . . ." He tried to warn me, but a gentle squeeze shut him up pretty quickly. Other than the string of profanities that came flooding out of his mouth that is.

I quickly undid his belt and popped the button to his jeans open before dipping my hand inside his underwear and wrapping my fingers around his – what felt like – titanium dick. I used one hand to push down his jeans while the other steadily pumped him, his hips bucking slightly at the movement.

His eyes snapped open the moment I manoeuvred his dick through the small opening at the front of his boxers. Obviously he still felt the cold. I planned to remedy that momentarily.

His eyes widened as I crouched down in front of him, being careful not to put my knees into the mud, as that would probably be a clear giveaway to _everyone_ what we'd been doing. Or rather, what _I'd_ been doing.

"Bella . . ." His tone was wary as I pumped him slowly, feeling him harden even further in my hand. "Bella, you don't have to . . ."

"But I _want_ to." I smirked up at him as he watched me. I flicked my tongue out, barely making contact with the head of his dick. His breathing hitched and I looked up to see he was still watching me. And if that wasn't the biggest turn on in the history of whatever, I don't know what is.

I slowly enclosed my mouth around him, sucking gently, running my tongue over the bars that ran through the underside of his dick. His eyes closed and his head fell back against the tree, a low moan emanating from his chest. I loved being able to render him speechless like this. It wasn't often I had the control and at the moment, I definitely had it all.

I wanted to try to take him as far back into my mouth as I could, but I was wary each time I tried. Ever seen 'The Sweetest Thing'? You know at the end? Not something I want to happen. Especially on a cold day in the woods.

I could tell that he was trying to remain in control of his actions as his hips bucked lightly in the same rhythm my mouth was conducting. His fingers were digging into the bark and his eyes were clenched closed and I knew that he was close.

I reached one hand behind him, gripping his ass and giving it a firm squeeze, causing him to buck into me again, while the other hand reached into his underwear gently squeezing and tugging on his balls, just as I knew would set him off.

"OhholyJesusfuckingchrist . . ." Was the only bit of the stream of words I could understand that spilled from Edward's mouth as his dick twitched and he climaxed. I knew that there were expletives in there somewhere. I just wasn't sure where.

After swallowing every drop and tucking him back into his underwear – because he didn't seem functional at the moment – I stood up and placed a quick kiss on his lips.

"Huh?" I couldn't help but giggle as he stood there, his breathing calming down as he looked at me.

"Ready to go?" I asked, biting my lip gently, watching his eyes zero in on the action and darken infinitesimally. I grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the woods, making my way back to the house. I knew that he had snapped out of his post-orgasmic cloud when he stopped behind me, causing me to come to a halt at the same time. "What?" I asked, turning to look at him, feigning innocence. As usual, he saw straight through me and laughed, pulling me to him, crashing his lips to mine. I wonder if the bruises from those rings will ever fade. Hmm . . .

"You do realise I owe you some serious payback when we get back to the hotel, right?" He practically growled in my ear, and I wanted to melt into him right then and there.

"Hmm . . ." I ran my tongue over his lips gently. "I'll be looking forward to it."

And I sure as hell would be.

* * *

I knew that having the money to get the shop fixed up had relieved a lot of stress that Edward and the guys had been feeling over the last few weeks. But _finally_ the money had been wired and split into Edward's separate accounts – one he had for business and one he had for personal uses – and renovation on the shop had begun.

While waiting for the insurance to come through the guys had cleared away the debris left after the break in, trying to find anything they could to salvage and really coming up empty. They hadn't been left anything they could work with.

Edward and I had returned from Seattle a week ago and I knew that the constant flood of people coming and going in and out of the shop was starting to get Edward a little down. He and Jake were both stressed, so much that it had made Jake ill. He had been ordered – albeit by Mae, but hey, I wouldn't argue with her – to take a few days off and rest leaving Edward in charge of what was happening in the shop.

Some part of me knew that Edward was pleased his mother and father had decided to stay in Chicago a little while longer because after they had finished the replastering of the walls where the stands had been ripped out, it was her area of expertise. She had come in and taken a look around, most likely seeing exactly what would work in the main area of the shop and in each of the private rooms.

But unfortunately, she wouldn't be here to see her work revealed. Carlisle couldn't take any more time off work and Esme had clients she needed to get back to. But she had sent us large drawings of her ideas – special delivery, of course – and I knew that they would work perfectly.

It seemed that everything should be coming together. They had guys coming in to restore the display cases this evening, so they would be ready for when the new shipment of jewellery they'd ordered arrived. It was all coming together so fast, and I knew that it was the money Edward had come into that was doing it. Normally, he hated spending vast amounts of money, usually being the one to save every penny he could, but in his mind, it was a just cause, because it wasn't just him that would be benefitting. It was his friends – well, those he considered family, to be more precise – and he had the means to make it happen.

And he damn well was.

Unfortunately, they couldn't speed up the six to eight weeks it would take for the new tattoo machines, autoclaves and piercing tools to arrive. That was just something they had to deal with. Jake had ordered the new machines the day after the break in, using some of what he had saved to pay for them. I didn't want to think about how much that cost him. Even though I knew that Edward had repaid him the money, claiming that it didn't matter. Other than the insurance – when it was eventually cleared or whatever has to happen with it. Not having dealt with insurance companies before, I wouldn't know – it seemed that Edward was footing the whole bill for the restoration. And I knew he wouldn't have it any other way.

He had been incredibly worked up and stressed over the last week or so and I had insisted that he leave the shop relatively early one night this week – considering he hadn't been getting in and crawling into bed until about two because he'd lost track of time doing whatever. Not that I blame him – and meet me for a drink.

I could see the warring that was going on behind his eyes, at least until Seth gave him the green light, stating that they would be fine and that he should 'have a drink and chill' as he'd put it. I could have kissed Seth in that moment. Well, as a matter of fact, I did. On the cheek mind you, but hey, it got the message across. And it got a laugh out of Edward.

God, what a beautiful sound.

I had told Edward that I would meet him in Eclipse at the bar and he had assured me that he would be there at nine thirty. Well, it was now twenty to ten and he still hadn't showed.

"Still not here?" Jane, the pretty barmaid frowned, glancing at the large clock that adorned the wall to the right of her, her brow furrowed. I had spent the last twenty minutes or so chatting with Jane and she seemed like a really sweet girl. Of course, the fact that she wasn't fawning over Edward boosted her up a couple of notches in my book. "That's not like E."

"What's not like E?" A masculine voice asked from next to me and I looked up to be met with a pair of startling blue eyes.

"He's late." She replied, grabbing a glass and filling it, obviously knowing what the stranger wanted.

"That _is_ weird." He agreed, his brow furrowing. If I hadn't been completely head over for Edward and his magnificent beauty, I might have been interested in this guy, but hey, my heart is spoken for. "And one for the young lady."

"Oh, no, I'm just-"

"Waiting for your man." He finished, chuckling as he motioned to Jane to get me a refill. I shook my head lightly, wondering who the hell this guy was. But just as I opened my mouth to ask him, he stuck out his hand, introducing himself. "I'm Masen." So _this_ is Masen.

"Bella." I nodded, shaking his hand and he laughed again.

"Edward's girl. I know." He smirked at me, before chuckling again, picking up the drink Jane had set in front of him.

"What's so funny?" I asked, taking a sip of my own drink, thanking Jane as she made her way to serve some other customers.

"Nothing." He shook his head, placing his drink back on the bar. "It's just, I can see what Edward talks about when he mentions you."

"He talks about me, huh?" I raised an eyebrow and he smirked again, nodding lightly. "Well, he's mentioned you a couple of times as well."

"All good I hope." He winked and I knew that there was no doubt he was a charmer. If I hadn't heard from Edward that he was in a serious relationship, I would have though him a player, but I knew he was completely enamoured with his girlfriend. Lucky girl that she was. Though, she didn't come close to me. Nu-uh. Nope. I was _definitely_ the luckiest girl alive at this point in time.

"Not a chance." I giggled and he laughed, shaking his head.

"You know what?" I shook my head, stilling giggling lightly. "I like you. I can see what Edward means."

"What you talking about me for fuckface?" I heard Edward's voice come from over my shoulder as his arms encircled my waist as my heart skipped a couple of beats. Just like it always did in close proximity to Edward.

"Just talking with Bella here." Masen winked at me again and I giggled, resting my head on Edward's shoulder.

"I'm sorry I'm late, love." His voice was soft and gentle, like crushed velvet washing over me in a smooth, subtle wave. And I happened to _love_ the term of endearment he had started using recently.

"It's okay." I whispered, pressing a kiss to his jaw. "Just don't let it happen again."

"Guess I can see who wears the pants in your relationship." Masen chuckled into his drink and Edward scowled at him.

"I'm sorry and who's playing 'whipped boy' to Katie?" He raised an eyebrow and Masen glared back at him. If I hadn't been warned about these two together before now, I would have worried that I was in between some major testosterone match. As it so happens, Jake had prepared me for the meeting of Masen and the seeing of Edward and Masen together, so I knew it was all fun and games.

"And proud." He finally grinned, nodding enthusiastically. Edward and I laughed at his response and I shook my head at the two of them. It seemed that they really were children, as Jake and Seth had said. I just hoped they didn't start the drinking games.

Edward pressed his lips into my hair, inhaling deeply and I knew he was smelling my hair. He had told me a while ago that he loved the smell of my shampoo, so I left a bottle in the shower in his apartment for when I stayed over. Which was more often than not, I will admit.

"You'll never guess what." Edward said softly into my ear as Masen turned and grinned in the direction of the doorway. I wanted to see what his girlfriend looked like, but Edward's smooth voice and beautiful scent enveloped me, cutting my senses off from all directions.

"What?" I whispered, trying to find my voice. Would I ever get used to the intoxicating force that is Edward? Some part of me hoped not.

"Rose wants me to ink her." He had a small smile on his face and I couldn't help but face him quickly.

"Did I just hear you correctly?" I couldn't help the surprise ringing in my voice. Rose had never liked tattoos, so her asking Edward to do one for her said a lot about his skills. Who knew that Rosalie would ever 'mar her body' as she put it.

"If you heard me say that Rosalie wants me to give her a tattoo then yes you damn well did." He grinned at me.

"How did you get her to agree to that?" I asked and he chuckled, shaking his head.

"I didn't." He sighed, his eyes roaming over my face. "She asked me if I could do it for her."

"What does she want?" I asked, more than curious and more than anxious to talk to Rosalie.

"A band of roses looping around her wrist before travelling up her arm." His finger traced the pattern of the rose trail he was describing as he spoke and I knew instantly that whatever Edward would come up with would be incredible. It always was.

"When are you going to do it?" I asked, knowing that the machines wouldn't arrive for another two weeks, at least.

"Hey, fucktard!" He called to Masen who was completely oblivious to all around him other than the beautiful blonde that was settled in between his legs. The look on her face was similar to the one I knew was plastered on mine at the moment. She was in love.

"What Assward?" Masen replied, not tearing his eyes away from the girl in front of him. I couldn't help but giggle at the name he had given Edward. It was one I had used once upon a time when we were growing up. If he had upset me or whatever. He mock glared at me as I continued to laugh at the name. I could tell that he wasn't angry with me, just frustrated the old name had made an appearance.

"You mind if I commandeer one of your machines for an hour or so tomorrow?" He asked, his chin coming to rest on my shoulder as his nose rested just behind my ear, his warm breath tickling me. I couldn't squirm away from him considering his arms were wrapped around my waist and he was a lot stronger than me.

"What time?" Masen looked at Edward, finally tearing his eyes away from the girl who smiled broadly at me. I couldn't help but return it with a grin of my own.

"Around one."

"Sure." Masen nodded, turning to the bar and getting a round of drinks in.

It was nice to see Edward relax for the first time in the weeks since the break in. Though it was a major source of conversation between Masen and Edward, he seemed okay talking about it. Maybe it was because he knew that he had the money to get everything back to the way it was before that helped him relax or maybe it was the alcohol. Who knew?

I got to meet Masen's girlfriend, Katie. She was incredibly sweet, at twenty five, she was currently studying for her Masters in Business at Northwestern University. It sounded like a gruelling programme and I was glad I had left college behind. Yes, I had loved it immensely, but I was so glad I didn't have to do any of the stressing about finals and essays and stuff like that.

I found out she had one tattoo. A vine reaching from her left shoulder to her right hip, branching out in various spots, each one embellished with the name of a member of her family. She told me that she had lost her parents, two sisters and brother in the nine eleven attacks in New York where she used to live when she was seventeen.

Apparently her father used to work in the World Trade Centre and the family had decided to visit him that day. The only reason she was alive was because she had promised her cousins that she would one day get a photograph and was outside when the planes hit.

I felt my heart breaking for her as she told me what had happened and I was so glad that she had been able to rebuild her life and had met Masen. It was obvious that he was completely smitten and I told her as such. She giggled and told me that she'd noticed the same thing about Edward.

Who knew that the two of us would have two heavily pierced tattooed guys at our beck and call? Not that either of us would ever use our guys in that way, but it was nice to have a little fun with them.

We exchanged numbers before winding up the guys, which was a lot of fun in itself.

But it seemed the guys didn't think so as they sat there scowling at us.

I was happy that I had managed to get Edward to come out with me tonight. It was just what he needed to relax a little. And I managed to learn a few things as well.

I had gotten a small glimpse into Edward's life outside the shop and the gang. I had seen how he had grown and changed over the last decade, how he interacted with people on a daily basis – people that weren't customers, that is – with his friends.

And it was a side to him I found absolutely glorious.

He was relaxed and at ease, seeming to have no worries in the world – although I knew that wasn't true – and he looked beautiful in this moment. Sitting there, covered in ink and steel, seeming like the epitome of a bad boy, when all he was was a loving, caring guy who was just looking for some love of his own.

And he'd found it.

Because I realised, that I my love for him would only grow more and more each and every day.

_**I thought the two of them deserved some fluff and the citrusy stuff going on at the beginning was not planned. Bella kind of controlled that one. Not that Edward minded you know.**_

_**Masen and Katie will be appearing later on in the story, so lookie out for them.**_

_**Now, I don't know which one to update next, so I'm putting a poll on my profile and **__you __**get to choose. That's right **__you!_

_**I'll be putting up the names of the different Edward's instead of writing out the name of the story. Simpler for me. I'll give you the list now.**_

_**Tattward – Be Careful What You Wish For**_

_**LinkinParkWard – Breaking The Habit**_

_**Vampward – Eternally Damned**_

_**Jailward – Locked Up**_

_**Special Agentward – No Use Fighting**_

_**Geekward – Time Changes**_

_**Magicward – Under Your Spell**_

_**All names created by my girl Shelby0321! Whoot whoot!**_

_**Gimme a review please.**_


	19. Insert Foot Here

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. It's great fun.**

_**A couple of you have asked me about whether I have any piercings or tattoos and the answer is yes, I do. I have eight tattoos and so many piercings I've forgotten how to count that high.**_

**_Is FF fucking up for anyone else lately? Because it sure as hell is for me. If there's anything screwed with the formatting in this chapter, let me know and I'll try and sort it out._**

'_There was nothing in sight but memories left abandoned  
There was nowhere to hide, the ashes fell like snow  
And the ground caved in between where we were standing  
And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve_

_So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean  
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes across this new divide_

_In every loss, in every lie, in every truth that you'd deny  
And each regret and each goodbye was a mistake too great to hide  
And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve_

_So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean  
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes  
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between  
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide  
Across this new divide, across this new divide'_

_'New Divide' – Linkin Park_

**_*~* Edward *~*_**

I couldn't help but feel slightly content when I walked into Eclipse and found Bella and Masen talking like they were old friends.

It sure made introducing them a lot easier.

Bella now seemed so at home in places and situations that I would never have imagined her in before and it all seemed so much like a dream that I was waiting to wake up from. I hoped I never did.

She and Katie seemed to hit it off while Masen and I talked about who he had in tomorrow and the best time for me to come in so I could do Rose's tattoo.

When she approached me a few hours before and asked me, in a very small voice – which is not like Rosalie at all – if I would be willing to ink her, I was beyond surprised. I had never thought that Rosalie would be one to get a tattoo. Ever. But then again, like Bella, she was surprising me at every turn. They all were. Well, apart from Emmett, who seemed the same as he had always been. I liked that though. I didn't really want him to change.

It meant he was still my big brother, even after all these years.

I had told her that I would but only if she was sure. In typical Rosalie fashion, she had narrowed her eyes at me and told me in no uncertain terms that if she wasn't sure about it, then she wouldn't have even bothered to ask. I took that to mean she knew what she wanted.

The design she wanted was simple. A vine travelling up her arm starting at and looping around her wrist, ending with a rose on her right shoulder. She wanted buds every few inches or so, about to bloom as they travelled up her arm. I told her that I thought it would suit her perfectly and she beamed at me.

I had told her I would get a sketch drawn up and then meet her at the garage she and Emmett owned tomorrow morning. I knew that she would wait until the shop was finished to get it done, but I also knew that Masen would be willing to allow me to use one of his machines for a few hours while I inked her.

I don't think I had seen her smile that wide since she'd been in Chicago. But then again, a lot of shit had happened since they'd been here. Everything had been quite fucked up to be honest. Maybe now that things were settling down and the hype of them being around was starting to wear off, things would start to get back to some semblance of normal.

But right now, being in Eclipse surrounded by everybody – and I mean everybody – I wasn't sure that was going to happen.

It hadn't been too long before everyone piled into the bar and we commandeered the largest table, what with there being ten of us in our group. The conversation had started out pretty normal. You know, how's work and the shop coming along – Alice launching into a tirade about some preppy college student she had hired but wanted fire because she kept challenging Alice's fashion taste. That to all of us who knew Alice, was a big no-no.

But now, the conversation had moved to something most of us were familiar with.

Piercings.

"Well, actually, if you think about it, it's only you guys that qualify for this one." Rose tilted her head to the side looking between Jake, Seth, Mae, Tanya, Masen, Katie and me. "I mean, none of us have any piercings."

"Uh, speak for yourself." Bella interrupted and the four of them turned to look at us – considering she was sat on my lap – incredibly quickly.

"Excuse me, Isabella Swan." Alice raised an eyebrow, which Bella responded to in the same way. And fuck me, was it hot. "Are you saying that, other than your ear lobes, you have a piercing?"

"Yes." Bella nodded, taking another gulp of her drink.

"Well?" Rose looked like her eyebrows were going to disappear into her hairline and her eyes were going to fall out of her head.

"I have my belly button and an Industrial. So there." And with that she made the incredibly adult move of . . . sticking out her tongue.

"Industrial?" The two of them looked confused, their gaze flicking to me. I pointed to the bar running through the top of my own ear, and they nodded in understanding. She pulled her hair away from her ear so they could see the blue and yellow candy cane bar that Seth had used. I had to admit, the bar was awesome.

"Well, if my knowledge is correct, then Jakey here, had the most piercings out of everyone sat at the table." Mae smirked, her head resting on his shoulder."

"Nu-uh." Seth shook his head taking a gulp of his beer. "Edward."

"Huh?" Her head shot up, staring at me. I shrugged and her gaze turned to Seth before flicking back to me. "Has he had piercings done that I don't know about?"

"Maybe." Seth smirked at me and I shook my head at him, silently telling him that I didn't really want the subject of my piercings to be brought up in front of my family.

"Oh, Edward, we already know you have your dick pierced." Ah, Tanya. Queen of discretion.

"He has what?" Jasper and Emmett sat there, mouths open, gaping at me in pure shock at what she had just said. I don't think they could comprehend someone doing that to themselves, but hey, to me, the benefits far outweighed the pain.

"I guess we didn't all know." She said softly, looking down at the table, a small smile on her lips, obviously proud at filling my brother and brother-in-law in on the fact I have dick jewellery.

"You think?" I replied sarcastically, trying not to laugh at the two idiots beside me.

"Why would you do that to yourself?" Emmett finally sputtered out, making everyone laugh. "I mean . . . why?"

"Go get it done, and then you'll find out." Jake replied, before kissing Mae like there was no tomorrow. I laughed at his answer before turning to Bella.

"Do I want to know which one of those two did it?" She whispered in my ear and I laughed gently, looking up at her.

"Mae did the Apadravya and Seth did the ladder." I replied just as softly and she raised an eyebrow at me as if to say 'Mae's touched your dick?' I nodded at her and she shook her head slightly as if trying to clear it.

"How do you know he's got more than Jake?" Mae challenged Seth when she had finally managed to separate herself from Jake's lips.

"Because I know how much you hate the thought of sticking a needle through Jake's skin, meaning I've done all of his piercings and I've also done a lot of Edward's and I know which ones you've done. Adding them up, Edward has more." How the fuck did he just come out with all of that?

"I'm intrigued." Alice smirked at me and I glared at her, wanting her to drop this subject, right fucking now.

"Oh leave him alone." Bella rested a hand on my cheek, turning my head to press her lips to mine. "Besides, the only one with access to his piercings is me." She smiled smugly at them all and I couldn't help rolling my eyes at her.

"That may be so, but I'm finding out about those piercings." Mae pointed at me and I smirked back at her.

"Oh really?" I challenged and she nodded. "You'll have to get through Bella first." She nodded next to me and I could see Mae sizing her up. Bella may have been small but she was bigger than Mae and she could be pretty scrappy when needs be. I remembered her nearly clawing Jessica Stanley's eyes out once because she made a discouraging remark about me. I didn't hear what it was, but I saw what Bella did. Not even the two weeks after school detention and week's suspension could dampen her mood.

Thankfully, the topic of conversation moved on from what I did or didn't have pierced as Mae and Seth starting swapping stories. Mae happened to win that round with the story of an incident from about two years ago that I remembered well. It had been gross but fucking hilarious at the time. Not that Mae thought that.

She had told the story of how a guy had come into the shop looking to get a fraenum piercing changed and had jizzed all over Mae while she was changing it.

She had screamed bloody murder and Jake had kicked the guy out of the shop with his pants down and dick on show. Fucking ace day!

Ten minutes later, everyone was still chuckling about it.

"Alright." Rosalie held her hands up as if to silence the table. "This one's for the tattooists sat at the table." Well there were three of us, so that helped. "What is the most embarrassing or awkward tattoo you've ever had to do one someone?" She grinned and Masen laughed straight away. Katie giggled next to him and I knew that he must have told her.

"Well, this isn't one of the most awkward – and there are ladies at the table so I'm not going to tell that one – but one guy came in and her wanted me to put his wife's face on his chest. So I do it. And then a couple of weeks later he comes back in, you know, touch up and shit and he takes his shirt off and his wife's turned into the bearded lady." I laughed remembering him telling me about that. There were worse stories that he could have told – some that had left me cringing – but he wouldn't, knowing that a lot here weren't used to tatting stories.

"Oh my God!" Rose giggled, hiding behind her hand. "I bet he was pissed."

"You have no idea." Masen shook his head, laughing.

"I know one that's pretty interesting." Jake glanced at me and I knew what he was thinking about. The fucker!

"Is he talking about what I think he is?" Bella whispered softly in my ear.

"Yup." I replied, drinking from my beer whilst glaring at Jake.

"What?" Alice asked, giggling lightly.

I narrowed my eyes at Jake who laughed and shook his head. "Someone here at this table has a unicorn on his derrière." He smirked and I rolled my eyes, wanting the fucker to just shut the hell up.

"Who?" Emmett was entirely too happy to be finding out that someone – namely me – had a unicorn on his ass. He watched Jake carefully, looking at me when Jake glanced my way again. I swear I was going to kill a motherfucker some time tonight. "Edward?"

"It's Edward?" Jasper asked, a grin appearing on his mouth as Jake nodded, smirking at me.

"Seriously, Jake." I glared at him and he stared right back. "What is this? Pick on Edward day?"

"Seems like it." He replied, his tone light and airy.

"Mae, do you mind if I murder him?" I asked her and she slid off Jake's lap.

"Not for bringing that up." She smiled at me before taking a gulp of her drink. "I wasn't going to bring that up."

"Uh-oh." And with that Jake had disappeared out the back door and onto the area designed as the smoking area. Come winter, no one ever used it. You wouldn't have thought someone the size of Jake would run from me, but hey he knows when to fight and when to flee. He'd been on the receiving end of me flipping out before and let's say it wasn't pretty. Not that I'd meant to hurt him. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

This time was different though. This time, he brought it on himself.

"Look, Ed, I'm sorry." He laughed turning around and backing away from me. "It just came out."

"Like fuck did it just 'come out'." He laughed at my annoyance, which only served to piss me off with his ass even more. "Why the fuck would you bring it up, Jake?"

"I didn't mean to." He shrugged, not taking his eyes off me as I made my way towards him. When I was close enough to him, I landed a well aimed punch to his ribs before walking away.

As I made my way back into the bar, I noticed that Bella wasn't sitting at the table anymore. Where the hell had she gone?

"He knows not to bring it up." Mae shook her head, rolling her eyes as I approached. She raised an eyebrow at me and I nodded behind me to where I knew Jake was at the bar getting the next round it.

"Where did Bella go?" I asked, sitting down again.

"She got a phone call." Alice answered evasively, not meeting my eyes and I knew there was something up. Alice never gave a five word answer. What wasn't she telling me? I raised an eyebrow at her and she shook her head. Since when did the pixie get good at keeping secrets?

Bella came back in around two minutes later and I settled her on my lap. She seemed more tense than she had been a little while ago and I couldn't help but wonder what the cause of that was.

"Are you okay?" I whispered gently in her ear and she turned to look at me, a small unconvincing smile on her face.

"I'm fine." Her tone was light and cheery as she answered me and I didn't buy it for a moment. She was keeping something from me. Her eyes begged me not to push it, so I wouldn't. For tonight anyway.

Who had been on the other end of that phone call?

* * *

The next morning Bella had been up and out of the apartment before I could even blink.

What the hell was going on here?

Normally she clung on to every last second in bed. Normally, she took so long in the shower that I had to remind her to get out before she was late, taking in its warmth. She cooked breakfast and made me a mug of coffee before she left. She didn't get up the moment her alarm – yes, she'd bought a new one, just as annoying as the old but she'd moved it to her side of the bed, meaning I couldn't reach it – and take a five minute shower, get dressed and rush out of the house without even so much as a mouthful. She always waited for the ten minutes it took me to get ready in the morning so I could walk with her to work.

And on the mornings I couldn't walk with her, she _always_ kissed me goodbye.

What the hell was going on?

I had a feeling it had something to do with that phone call last night?

After taking a shower and trying to call Bella numerous times, having none of them answered and doing some slight reworking on the designs I had created for Rose, I headed out to Rose and Emmett's garage with the sketch for Rosalie's tattoo I had promised to show her this morning. If all was good we could go round to Masen's whenever we wanted. He wasn't jam packed today and had sent the artist who worked for him round to New Moon to help out with the shop. So he had that machine free all day.

"Hey bro." Emmett grinned at me as I walked in, pointing towards the office where Rose obviously was.

I made my way through the numerous cars in various states of disrepair towards the office at the back of the garage. I opened the door slowly and saw Rosalie sitting on the chair behind – or is it technically in front of if the desk was pushed up to the wall? – the corner desk they had spanning the length of two walls. It obviously gave them both the space to deal with paperwork without getting under each other's skin.

She waved me in, putting her feet up on the desk as she rolled her eyes at the phone currently pressed to her ear. I shook my head at her, laughing silently as she sighed again.

"I can't tell you why it's doing that until you bring it in. Until I can see the engine, I won't be able to tell you what's wrong, or fix it." She huffed, shaking her head, her ponytail swinging from side to side. I could see that she was getting aggravated at the person on the other end of the phone. Probably a man undermining her abilities because she was a woman when in actual fact, if there was something wrong with my car – if I had a car, that is – Rose would be the only person I'd want to take a look at it. "I won't be here then, but my partner will be. He can either take a look at it or you can drop it off and I'll take a look either later on today or tomorrow."

She made some arrangements with the person on the other end of the phone before hanging up and fiddling with her hair.

"Sorry about that." She smiled sheepishly at me, seeming to forget I'd seen the full blown Rosalie Hale (well, technically Cullen now) Tantrum in effect. Yes, it had been dubbed with capital letters, such is the traumatic level of the event.

"Don't worry about it." I waved her off, shaking my head as I leaned against the wall. "You forget I grew up with you."

"Shut up." She mumbled, looking away from me as I laughed lightly. I took the folder out of my jacket and handed it to her, seeing the way her eyes brightened at the sight of it. She knew what was in there and couldn't wait to see it. Her eyes widened as she opened it up, flicking through the designs I had managed to put together last night and this morning. "Oh, Edward." She breathed, her fingers running lightly over the pencil on the page. "Perfect." The word was almost inaudible so I was lucky to catch it. I was glad I did though. At least I knew how she really felt about my work. Though Rose never sugar coated anything.

I glanced around the office that I had been in before, but never really taken much notice of. The one and only time I had been in here was just after the shop had been trashed and I think I was a bit too busy trying to work out why someone would do that rather than taking in the décor of the office in Rose and Emmett's garage.

It was obviously Rosalie who had designed it, with its contemporary feel. The dark red wall along the back of the office brought out the small details in the room. Like the fact that the desk Rosalie was sitting at wasn't black, but a deep dark brown in comparison with the black leather sofa. It made the degrees and qualifications that Rose and Emmett had hung on the wall stand out, not giving anyone a chance to disprove their credibility.

It was the bookshelf that caught my eye and I wasn't surprised at the various books surrounding the topic of cars that spread across the wall next to Rose. But what did surprise me was the large book on pinstriping that looked well worn and well used as it sat there on the shelf above her head. I drew in a breath as I looked at it, knowing exactly what it was.

"What?" Rosalie asked, looking up at me before following my gaze and seeing the book here.

"You kept it?" I couldn't keep the emotion out of my voice and she nodded, standing up.

"That was one of the best presents anyone's ever gotten me, Edward." She looked down as though she was embarrassed to admit that. "Yeah, people get me expensive and pretty things for Christmas or my birthday, but that was to do with something I really love. It means more to me than a lot of the stuff I've ever gotten. Of course I kept it."

I looked over at her and I could see the small smile on her face. She moved over to me and wrapped her arms around me in a gentle hug.

"It means a lot that you kept it." I whispered in her ear and she nodded into my shoulder.

She moved away from me and looked at the design I'd drawn up. She nodded, inhaling deeply, indicating that that design was the one she wanted. I smiled at her, slipping the design back in the folder as she grabbed her jacket.

"We're heading out now, baby." Rose called to the back of the garage. I heard Emmett shout something back, but it was drowned out by the sound of a revving engine. Rose seemed to have heard him though, seeing as she grinned at his response. I raised an eyebrow at her and she laughed. "He says that he knows it's going to be gorgeous."

We walked to Masen's in silence, no words needing to be exchanged. Well, maybe on her part, but I was wondering how to broach the subject of Bella's behaviour last night. I knew that it wasn't normal. Bella and I had settled into a routine and her behaviour this morning and last night weren't part of it.

After chatting to Masen for a few minutes and getting the stencil done, setting Rose up with the stencil on her arm didn't take very long. After she checked the placement on her arm, twisting it in the mirror, checking how it would look on her skin, she gave me the final nod, an excited grin on her face.

I raised my eyebrows at her, giving her a last out before I pressed the needle to her skin, making the first small line, signalling that we were past the point of no return. Well, she could stop, but she'd have a weird fucking line on her wrist.

"You okay?" I asked, wiping it gently and she nodded, smiling at me. "Let me know if it gets too much, okay?"

"Okay." She whispered quietly. "It's not as bad as I thought it was going to be."

"It rarely is." I smirked up at her and she giggled lightly. "Right . . . now that I have you where you can't escape . . . who was Bella on the phone to last night? And don't try telling me that you don't know, because I know you do."

"She didn't talk to you?" Rose bit down on her lip gently as I wiped excess ink away from her skin, shaking my head.

"Nope. And she's been acting fucking weird ever since she came back in last night. I know you know what's going on with her, Rose." I looked up at her and she glanced away from me nervously.

"It's really something you should talk to her about." She said softly, her eyes understanding why I needed to ask but also saying that it wasn't her place to tell.

"I would if she'd give me the chance." I muttered, turning back to the design on her arm.

"What do you mean by that?" She sounded confused, which was not something I was used to with Rose.

"I mean that she was out like a light last night and this morning she shot out of the apartment like the thing was on fucking fire." I sighed and she shook her head, wincing as I hit the prominent bone in her wrist. "Sorry."

"It's okay." She breathed, her body relaxed slightly. "You really need to talk to her about it."

"It's not your place to tell me." I sighed, cursing in my mind. "I get it."

"I know you do." She whispered, looking down at me with an understanding smile. I knew she understood. She was the only one close to understanding.

The rest of the tatt passed without incident, other than the small altercation the two of us had regarding the colour. I wanted to wait until the outline had healed, considering it travelled up her entire arm, finishing in a big fucking Rose on her shoulder, but she had pulled all that intimidating shit that gets her her way all the time and I had relented, finishing off the entire tatt. She smiled smugly as she thrust some bills at me, insisting that I take them. Knowing that if I tried to refuse I would probably lose my balls, I took half of the notes and handed the rest back to her. I would give the rest of it back to Emmett later on. Whether he knew it or not.

Once we exited the shop, she made her way back to the garage, insisting that other than the guy she had had on the phone when I'd arrived, she had no one else booked in so she would take it easy. I knew that she wasn't pleased with the gauze on her arm and shoulder, but hadn't argued with me when I'd told her it was necessary. I swear, she's just argumentative for the hell of it.

I had told Jake that I wouldn't be in the shop today, taking Bella's advice and taking a day off. He told me that he thought that was best, considering I had been working nonstop at getting ready. They had my mom's designs to go off of. They should be fine.

I made my way back to my apartment, mulling through a few bits of paperwork that needing doing before settling down and watching some mindless TV with Nix on my lap.

This was why I rarely took days off work. There was never anything to fucking do.

Seeing that it was quarter to four, I placed Nix on the cushion beside me, earning a low grumble from her chest as she gave me a kitty scowl. I made my way out of the apartment, wanting to get to Bella's school before she came out. She might have been able to avoid me this morning, but I had the feeling that we had to talk about shit.

I waited outside her school until I saw her emerge through the front doors, ignoring the high school skanks that thought it would be a good idea to stand close to me and giggle while flipping their hair over their shoulders and twirling it around their fingers.

No. Thank. You.

"Hey." She breathed upon seeing me, a small smile on her face.

"What's the matter?" There was something wrong and I could instantly see it in her eyes.

"Nothing." She replied too quickly, glancing around.

"You're a shitty liar, Bella." She scowled up at me, glancing around again before walking off. Playing this game, are we? "Bella." I called after her, sighing as she carried on before following her around the corner. "Bella, what is going on with you?"

"Nothing!" She repeated and I couldn't hold back the roll of my eyes. She was in front of me, so she didn't see it and I had the distinct feeling that was something working in my favour at the moment.

"Don't lie to me, Bella." She didn't answer me, speeding up her pace as she walked.

I noticed that she was taking the route to her apartment, which meant that she wasn't in the mood for talking. What the hell was going on with her? Had I done something to upset her? Had I said something last night? Or maybe my hunch when I was with Rose earlier was right and it was all to do with that phone call.

I didn't say anything else as we made our way to her apartment block, but I could tell that she was pissed. Whether it was at me or something else, I couldn't tell.

Once we reached her door I wasn't sure whether I was actually welcome inside, but considering she left the door open, I figured that I was. She dumped her bag on the sofa before slumping down on it herself, letting out a big gush of air as she did so.

Making my way over to the sofa, I moved her back to the floor by the coffee table and sat down next to her.

"Bella, what's going on?" I asked softly, wrapping my fingers around her own, just willing her to open up to me.

"Please, leave it alone, Edward." She whispered, shaking her head. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I kinda think we need to." I told her honestly, wanting to know what was upsetting her so much.

"Why?" She opened her eyes, glaring at me. For the first time since I had been reunited with her I had the distinct feeling she was pissed at me. And I didn't even know why. "Why do we need to talk about it? What business is it of yours?"

"Is this because of that phone call you got last night?" I asked, keeping my tone even and calm.

"What does it have to do with you?" She shot back, folding her arms across her chest and looking away from me.

"Because I hate to see you like this." I told her honestly. I had always hated Bella like this. It scared me when she behaved this way.

"What?" She laughed darkly, shaking her head before snapping it around to look at me. "Too fucked up to face your own shit so you have to try to deal with everyone else's?" Her eyes widened slightly as my breathing hitched at her words. "Oh, God. Edward, I-"

"No." I turned my head away, not wanting to look at her. "No." I could feel the tears welling up as the hurt that accompanied her words sank in. "At least now I know how you really feel."

"But I don't-" I couldn't listen to anything else she had to say. Whether it was a knee jerk reaction to my questions or how she really felt, her words stung. More than I wanted to admit and I couldn't sit there knowing that's how she saw me.

I stood up and made my way towards her door. I heard her following behind me, trying to get me to stop with her words and her tiny hands grabbing onto my arms.

I didn't stop until I reached the elevator, Bella still trying to get me to listen to her. I couldn't listen to what she had to say right now. I might be overreacting a little, but her words cut deep and suddenly one of Jake's tatts made more sense to me than ever.

_Only those you love have the power to truly hurt you._

He had been right when he'd had that done.

I didn't look at Bella as I stepped into the elevator. She didn't follow me but I could see in my out of the corner of my eye that she was crying. I hated the fact that it was me that made her cry.

The journey back from Bella's apartment to my own was a blur of streets, pavement and buzzing in my pocket. I didn't answer any of the calls, knowing they would all be from Bella and I couldn't talk to her right now.

"Too fucked up to face your own shit so you have to try to deal with everyone else's?"

Her words rang true in my mind and in my heart, which felt as black as the one adorning my skin.

I slid off my shoes, hanging up my jacket, and slowly making my way towards my bedroom. I sat down on the end of my bed feeling the first pathetic sob building in my chest and wracking through my body.

I had never thought that I would ever hear words like that come from Bella's mouth. But I had and it felt like I was living in a parallel universe. A universe I didn't care for anymore.

I fell back on my bed, vaguely aware of the fact that Nix was pawing at my side, wanting me to turn over so that she could lay on me as normal. I reached around and picked her up, pulling her to me and hugging her to my chest. She settled down in my arms, a slow rumble beginning almost instantly. I had never wanted to be Nix more than I did right now. Her life was so simple. All she had to do was sleep, eat and drink whenever she wanted to. She didn't have to worry about people hurting her in ways she couldn't comprehend. Being a cat must be so simple.

I wasn't sure what time it was when I woke up panting, sweaty and scared shitless of what was happening in my own mind, but my thoughts immediately flicked to where Bella was. I then remembered the kind-of-fight we'd had earlier and my chest felt like it was crumbling in on itself. It felt like I couldn't breathe and I didn't know what to do. No one had ever affected me like this before. No one, in all the years I'd been in this city, had managed to make me feel so desperately alone. Being alone in general, I'd become used to, as it was a state I'd enforced on myself, but now . . . now it felt like I truly had no one.

I crawled out of bed, noticing that Nix wasn't anywhere around either. I must have disturbed her last night. I made my way out into the main living area and grabbed my phone out of my jacket pocket.

I didn't really know what to think when I saw that I had one hundred and fourteen missed calls in the last three hours. All from Bella. I had seven new voicemails and forty seven new text messages. She must have felt bad about what she'd said to me.

I just wanted to know why she'd said it.

I didn't have much time to think about it before there was a knocking at my door. Nix trotted out along in front of me, seemingly no longer afraid of what could be lurking behind the door. It seemed that the pounding incident from when the gang had first arrived in Chicago was long forgotten. I grabbed her and shoved her in her little house thing before making my way to the door, some part of me surprised to see Bella standing there.

Saying she looked awful would be an understatement. The skin around her eyes was red and blotchy from where she had obviously been crying, tear tracks streaking down her face. Her hair had been taken out of the neat knot it had been in earlier and looked like she had just spent the better part of an hour in a hurricane. But then again, Chicago is known as the 'Windy City', isn't it?

"Bella." I couldn't help the whisper that escaped my lips as my mind registered that she was standing there in front of me.

"Edward." My name came out sounding like a sob as more tears spilled down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say what I did. I don't know where it came from. I-"

I stepped aside, gently taking hold of her arm and pulling her inside my apartment. "Come on." She followed the guide my arm gave her as I closed the apartment door behind her. I led her into the bathroom and sat her down on the toilet, grabbing the facecloth that she used when she was here, wetting it before wringing it out and kneeling down in front of her.

Slowly and gently, I ran the cloth over her face, trying to calm down the redness of her skin and wipe away the tear stains as yet more slid their way down her cheeks. Once her face had returned to more of its natural colour, I discarded the facecloth in the sink, picking up the hairbrush she had left of the vanity this morning and gently running it through her hair. She was still sobbing quietly as I untangled the knots and snags the weather outside had caused and as I worked I knew one thing:

I would be getting answers.

I silently led her back to the living room, sitting down on the sofa and she sighed gently, sniffing as she looked down at her hands.

"Why are you acting like this?" She asked, her voice small and vulnerable.

"Like what?" I could hear the confusion in my own voice as I watched her, her brown eyes looking up to meet mine, the water gathered in them reflecting the light that was coming from overhead.

"Like I'm not the world's biggest bitch." She stated plainly and I sighed, shaking my head.

"Because you're not." I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and her eyes closed, her head leaning into my touch. "But I do want to know what's going on with you."

"I know it's a lot to ask," she sniffed, taking a tissue out of her pocket and wiping her nose with it, her eyes avoiding mine. "But could you leave it? Please?"

"After all this, no, I don't think I can." I told her honestly and she nodded, looking back down at her hands before she stared straight out in front of her. "Bella, look at me. Look at me." Her eyes slowly inched over to meet mine, which was something I needed at the moment. "I know it has something to do with that phone call you got last night in Eclipse. And I know that everyone else knows what it's all about. Bella, you're my girlfriend. What's going on?"

"Well, um, the five of us wanting to branch out somewhere new wasn't the only reason we moved to Chicago." She sighed, looking away from me.

"Okay." I nodded slowly, not quite sure where this was going, but intrigued nonetheless.

"Um, you know that I've seen other guys while we were apart, right?" She looked over at me and I nodded, hating the fact that she had in fact had boyfriends before me. I know it was a little – okay, a lot – hypocritical of me, considering that we hadn't seen each other in years and I had been with other women. I don't know. Possessive caveman streak coming out again. "Well, there was one that couldn't let go." Her voice was a whisper, barely anything more as she looked away from me.

"What does that mean?" I asked, shaking my head, confused at what she was saying.

"There was this guy, Tyler. We'd been together for about a year, but I didn't feel like it was going anywhere. I didn't feel that spark. You know, when all that matters when you walk into a room is that other person. They drown everything else out and everything and everyone else ceases to exist." I knew that feeling very well. I had it each and every time I knew Bella was in the vicinity. "Well, I didn't have that and I could see the relationship going anywhere, so I ended it."

"And he didn't like that." She shook her head, clenching her eyes closed.

"He, um, started following me everywhere, phone calls, threatening me if I didn't get back together with him . . ."

"He became a stalker." She nodded silently, tears sliding down her face.

"He started threatening Alice and Rosalie and not even threats from Em and Jazz got through to him. I almost left Port Angeles on my own because I didn't want them to get hurt." She sighed, looking at me with her watery eyes, expressing her sadness and how scared she was.

"It was him on the phone last night, wasn't it?" I asked, knowing the answer already. It didn't take a genius to figure out but I needed the confirmation from her. Which I gained in the form of the nodding of her head.

"I don't know how he got my number." She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I don't want to think about how he got my number."

"Why didn't you just tell me?" I asked, shuffling closer to her. I knew what it was like to be afraid to talk. I knew how it felt to feel scared and alone, but if we were going to make this work, we needed to be honest with each other. I knew that.

"Because I'm scared." She whispered, not looking at me. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"I can look after myself, Bella." I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close to me. "I've been on my own for ten years and have been in more less than desirable situations than I can remember. Some punk from Port Angeles isn't going to be enough to chase me away."

"It's more than that though." She said quietly, shaking her head again.

"Bella, look at me." It took a moment, but her doe eyes finally came to rest of me as I took her hands in mine. "Do you really think that he's going to find you here? In a city of roughly three million or so, give or take a couple of thousand. I mean, you could have gone anywhere in the country. You really think that he would just magically know that you're in Chicago?"

"Well . . . no." She looked down at our hands, sniffing lightly.

"I know that that phone call last night freaked you out, but you can't act that way again. I had absolutely no idea what was going on with you and that scared me."

"I'm so sorry, Edward." She whispered again, shaking her head, her hair creating a veil between the two of us. I couldn't have that, so I moved it back over her shoulder, tucking it behind her ear again. "I didn't mean what I said in my apartment. I really didn't. I don't know where they came from, because that's not even how I feel."

"Could it be that when it comes to this Tyler fucker, you're used to dealing with it on your own and pushing people away? Using what you know to hurt them so he won't get the chance to?" She looked up at me, her eyes wide as she mulled over what I'd just said.

"How did you-"

"You seem to be forgetting what I spent the last year in Forks doing." She looked away from me, her expression slightly ashamed at my reminder of my last year in Forks. "Look, you're not going to get rid of me, so you can stop trying. Understand? He's not here and even if he was, it would take him for-fucking-ever to find you and get through me, Emmett, Jazz, Jake, Mae and the rest of them. You've got a lot of people who care about you here, love and they're not going to abandon you."

"But all that says to me is that he has more people to hurt to get to me." She whispered and I leaned back on the sofa, pulling her back with me.

"Alright, let's look at this logically. You really think that someone is going to be able to get through Seth and Jake, on their own, let alone when the two of them are together?" She shook her head against my shoulder. "There we go. Now, you already know how Jazz and Emmett are when it comes to physical fights – and because we're men, it will be physical." I smiled upon hearing the giggle that came from her chest. "Masen can look after himself as well as the rest of us can."

"But what about the girls. He probably wouldn't have any qualms about hurting them to hurt me. I mean, he cut the brakes on Rose's BMW last year." I felt my eyes widen at her admission and found myself loathing this guy even more than I did already. If I do ever meet up with this fuckhead, he better run in the other shitting direction. "Thank God she wasn't going that fast when she realised they weren't working."

"Fuck." The word escaped me before I could stop it and she smiled slightly against my chest. "Well, Alice and Rose can look after themselves in a physical fight. I mean, you remember when that dickwad James grabbed Rosalie's ass sophomore year?"

"Yeah." She giggled, obviously remembering the verbal and physical beating he'd received off the girls for that remark. "Did you know he's married now?"

"He is?" I couldn't help the surprise that rang through my voice. From what I remembered of James he was an asshole player who deserved to have his head kicked in.

"Yeah. Four years in May. Her name is Gianna and she's really sweet. She's really mellowed and calmed him down as well. You know how Jasper's touch is like a sedative for Alice?" I nodded, humming in acknowledgement. "Well, it's like she has that effect on James. He's not the player he used to be anymore. He's a real family man now. She'd had their first baby just before we left. Little boy and I've never seen James smile like that before."

"How do you know all this?" From what I remembered, Bella hated James with a passion.

"He's an art teacher at PA High." She smiled up at me and I pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"Seems you're all ending up there." I chuckled and she smiled again.

"Well, he met Gianna pretty much as soon as we finished high school and she was going to UDub. He didn't want to be too far away from her so he went there too. And they both wanted to stay near their parents, but considering hers lived in Seattle and his lived in Forks, they settled on Port Angeles."

"Seems to work." I nodded, shuffling down so that I was directly in front of Bella. "I want you to promise me something." She nodded slowly, clearly wondering what it was I wanted. "When something upsets or scares you, I want you to talk to me about it. Don't shut me out like you did today. I can't handle it when you do that."

"I know." She sighed, her eyes welling up again. "I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. And I promise." She whispered, her arms wrapping around my waist.

We lay there for hours afterwards, talking about nothing in particular. She was happy when I told her that Rose's tattoo was finished and she was eager to see it. I told her to wait a while because Rose's arm was going to be bothering her for a few days and I remembered what an angry Rose was like. Not something I wanted to revisit.

After a while, Bella's breathing evened out and I took her into the bedroom, laying her down on the bed. I slowly and gently peeled off her clothes, leaving her in her panties and cami. Somehow, my mind knew that it wasn't an erotic situation, but no one seemed to send that memo to my dick. Not wanting to climb into bed with a hard on that wanted to attack the girl next to me, I jumped into the shower, relieving my problem as quickly and quietly as possible. I didn't want to wake her if I could help it.

I jumped out of the shower, quickly towelling myself off before grabbing my pyjama pants and slipping them on before I exited the bathroom and found that Bella had climbed under the covers and her arm was stretched out across my side of the bed, clearly searching for me.

I slipped under the covers, her arm immediately latching around my waist and gripping me tightly. It was as though she feared I would disappear if she let go. That would never happen.

Pulling her close to my body, I couldn't help the contented sigh that escaped me. Yes, I'm a pussy but hey, I've got pretty much everything I've ever wanted.

A comfortable lifestyle.

My own business.

Friends.

Family back in my life.

And most importantly: Bella.

I didn't need anything else. Oh! Apart from the cat that is now curling up on the pillow just above my head, swatting gently at my hair.

I knew that Bella thought I was going to disappear because she had some crazed ex-boyfriend who didn't know how to let go and I was going to do everything in my power to convince her that that wasn't going to happen.

She was scared that he was going to come back and hurt the people that she cared about. How to make her see that that wasn't going to happen?

I would need to talk to Emmett and Jazz about this tomorrow.

They should be able to help me.

**_Oh, drama llama's back in town._**

**_Right, I have the order in which the stories will be updated. Remember, this was decided by you guys, so if you wanna bitch, bitch at each other. Not me._**

**_Order: Obviously Tattward came first._**

**_Vampward_**

**_Geekward_**

**_Jailward_**

**_LinkinParkward_**

**_Special Agentward_**

**_Magicward_**

**_That's the order they're coming in._**

**_Now I'm going to ask you all a question: If you have any what tattoos or piercings do you have? Curious._**

**_Review please._**


	20. On The Right Path

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I do however own the hot water bottle mentioned at the end of the chapter. It's **_**so**_** soft.**

**To go with my question from the last chapter, I do have tatts and piercings and the list if on my profile. Don't know what happened when I tried to add it in with the chapter last time.**

'_I think I'm drowning  
Asphyxiated  
I wanna break this spell  
That you've created_

_You're something beautiful  
A contradiction  
I wanna play the game  
I want the friction_

_I wanted freedom  
Bound and restricted  
I tried to give you up  
But I'm addicted_

_Now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation  
You'd never dream of  
Breaking this fixation_

_You will squeeze the life out of me_

_Bury it  
I won't let you bury it  
I won't let you smother it  
I won't let you murder it_

_Our time is running out  
Our time is running out  
You can't push it underground  
You can't stop it screaming out  
How did it come to this?  
Ooooohh_

_You will suck the life out of me'_

'_Time Is Running Out' – Muse._

_***~* Edward *~***_

_Finally _the shop was finished.

And not a minute too soon.

The interior had been painted, aired out to disperse any fumes that could be lingering in the air. The display cases had been replaced and jewellery restocked. The new display racks hosting the various designs thought up by Jake and myself had been secured on the walls, our artwork proudly on display once again. The new chairs, desks and workstations had arrived, as had the machines and autoclaves. I was sure that Mae had done something to speed up the delivery process because by my calculations, we still had another week or so to wait.

I didn't want to know what that girl did to get shit done.

It was our second day after our reopening and simultaneously six days before Thanksgiving. The others seemed to be slightly evasive around me, as though wanting to talk to me about it, without really knowing how to.

It was kind of unnerving to say the least.

I didn't want them to be fucking nervous around me. No one had done shit-all wrong.

"Hey, man." I turned to see Seth standing there, leaning on the counter as I sat at the desk we had ordered. It was larger than the last one, Mae obviously feeling that we deserved to splash out after what had happened here. On this one, I had to agree with her. She had gone for a dark mahogany corner desk, with enough space so that Jake and I could work on designs at the same time without being too crowded with each other. Not that it would really matter because the both of us had desks in our individual rooms, anyway.

"What's up?" I asked, flinging the pencil I was chewing down on the table, letting out a breath. He handed me a stencil and I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face. I didn't have any appointments until seven and barring any walk-ins, I was free, so I had agreed to give Seth another tatt. "You wanna do it now?" I glanced at the clock, seeing that it was midday, knowing I had more than enough time to fit Seth in.

"If you're free." He nodded and I smirked at him, knowing that he knew full well I was free. Dumbass shit.

"Come on then, you asswipe." I stood up and he followed me into the back, shedding his shirt as I started setting everything up. "Well, Seth, I never knew you felt that way." He laughed before flipping me off.

I pulled my gloves on before grabbing the stencil and antiseptic spray. I placed the stencil on his side, smoothing it out before peeling it off and having him turn and inspect the placement. It took us five attempts, but we finally got it where he was happy with it. And I thought I was a fussy bastard but I knew what Seth was like and was fully prepared to deal with his awkwardness over his tatt placements.

"Are you sure this time?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him, chuckling lightly. "'Cause, I don't think I can get another one out of this thing."

"Yeah, it's where I want it." He nodded, twisting so he could see the back in the mirror in front of him. The guy was worse than his fucking girlfriend. And that was saying a lot. I was glad that Tanya and Seth had finally gotten their shit together and were 'exclusive' as the girls liked to call it. They'd been dancing around each other for too long now. Not that I can say fuck all about that. Hell, it took me sixteen years to tell Bella how I really felt about her.

"Alright then." I motioned towards the chair, rolling my eyes when I didn't get a response. "Come the fuck on."

"Don't get your panties in a fucking twist." He grumbled, settling back on the chair. "Isn't that Bella's job."

"Shut the fuck up, man." I shot back, setting my station up. "Besides, isn't it a bit of a fucktarded idea to antagonise the one with the needles here?" He just chuckled, shrugging lightly at my remark. Smartass fucker.

Being honest, things between Bella and I had slowed down immensely. To the point where snails would be overtaking us. Ever since the afternoon of our 'spat' – as the others were calling it – she'd been distant with me, no doubt wanting to try to protect me from this Tyler guy. There hadn't been any more contacts from him over the last couple of weeks and I was starting to get stressed by Bella's behaviour. I had already resigned myself to having it out with her when I got back to my apartment after the shop closed. She had been spending more and more time in my apartment recently. How is it possible to be so close to someone and yet feel so detached from them?

Working on Seth's tattoo was relatively peaceful. I'd done a lot of his work before, meaning I knew his pain threshold. He'd always slip into what some would call a 'trance' when getting inked. His eyes would close and his breathing would level out. Personally, I'd always thought he was asleep. Until the time he started talking to me, that is.

Now that freaked me the fuck out, as I'm sure you can imagine.

About an hour and a half into the session, I heard the bells go and the heavy tenor of my brother calling out for me. I called him to the back, making sure it was alright with Seth first, who of course, told me to stop being a pansy-ass and let him back.

"Hey." He seemed nervous, standing there in the doorway, his size filling the whole frame. He glanced around nervously, taking in the newly refurbished interior of my private room as though he hadn't helped me fix up the fucker.

"You alright?" I glanced up at him as I refilled the ink, returning to the shading I was filling in on one of Seth's ribs.

"Um . . . yeah." The only other times I had heard him this distant and nervous was once when we were younger and he had pissed off our Nanna – which was not a good fucking idea – and when he had come into the shop to apologise for being such an ass about everything.

"Liar." I shot back, not breaking my concentration. "What the fucks the matter? Or am I going to have to get Rose?" I knew that this threat had some weight behind it as he stuttered lightly. If there was anyone he was afraid of, it was Rose.

And our mother, but hey, where's the surprise there?

"It's about Thanksgiving." He sighed and I pulled the needle away from Seth's skin, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. _Fucking great! Another thing I don't want to think about._ "Mom and Dad keep calling. They want to know if you're coming home this year."

I knew that they had been calling him, because they had been calling me nonstop as well. I couldn't give them an answer about Thanksgiving because I didn't know what was going on on that particular day. As much as I wanted to just stay in Chicago and carry on the tradition that the four of us had had for the last decade or so, I knew there was a slight obligation to my family now that they were back in my life.

I didn't know what to do.

"Not now, Emmett." I said softly, returning to the tattoo that I so desperately needed to consume my concentration levels right about now. I didn't want my mind to linger on anything to do with that day right now.

"Look, Edward, I know you don't really want to talk about this but we kinda-"

"Emmett." I practically growled, taking the needle away again. I didn't want to inadvertently hurt Seth. Not part of my game plan. "I. Said. Not. Now." I hoped that my message had got through and from his silence I knew that it had. I sighed gently, nodding behind me. "My jacket's on the back of the chair. There's a spare key to my apartment on the ring. Let yourself in and I'll come back when I've finished with Seth's ink." I told him and couldn't help but notice as he hesitated in the doorway. "It's there." I turned and pointed, confused as his eyes flicked from the jacket to me. "Well, I can't get it for you." I held up my ink covered, gloved hand and he nodded in understanding. "I'll probably be another half an hour or so."

"Okay." He sighed and I heard him fiddling with a set of keys before his steps retreated behind me.

I closed my eyes, letting out a breath through my nose as I heard the bells above the shop door jingle as Emmett left, shaking my head lightly. "Everything alright?" Seth asked quietly as I resumed the session.

"Yeah." I sighed gently, shaking again. "I just . . . can't deal with this shit right now."

"Hate to say it, bro, but you're gonna have to soon." He was right. I knew he was but some part of me didn't want to accept it. I knew there would always be a part of me that was going to reject the idea of going back to Forks. With all the fuckery that had happened there, do you blame me?

After I immersed myself in Seth's ink once again, the time passed quickly. I paused only to confer with Seth about the shading or slight colouring that he had explained. Other than that, no other words were exchanged between the two of us. Unfortunately, it wasn't Seth I needed to talk to. It was my hothead of a brother.

And he wasn't going to let it go.

"What time are you back in?" He asked as I gauzed up his tatt.

"My appointment's at seven so I'll probably be back about half six." I sighed, running a hand through my hair, indicating that he could put his shirt back on. I stood up, grabbing my jacket and pulling my cigarettes out of the pocket. "If we get busy, tell Jake to give me a call." He nodded and I left the shop, lighting up and making my way back to my apartment, dreading the talk that was to come upon arriving home. Bella was still in school, considering it was a Friday, so I wouldn't have to worry about upsetting her at all. Jake had gotten back to the shop about forty five minutes ago, and we'd only had one walk-in in that time, so we were all good there.

Unfortunately, that meant I had no excuse not to have this talk with Emmett.

I stubbed out my cigarette before entering my building, smiling and nodding at the girl sat at the desk, not even knowing her name. She was fairly new, only having worked here for about three months and I'd never spoken to her, so I didn't feel too bad.

Walking out of the elevator, I took a deep breath, taking my keys out of my pocket and shoving it into the lock, being greeted with the smell of eggs cooking. Toeing off my shoes and hanging up my jacket, I saw that Emmett had remembered how I was with shoes, his enormous sneakers lined up next to the wall.

I froze as I entered the kitchen, my eyes wandering over the carnage that was most definitely _not_ there when I left this morning.

"What the fuck happened in here?" I muttered, and Emmett turned around giving me a sheepish smile.

"I got hungry and thought that I'd make you something as well, but . . ." He shrugged, clearly not knowing how to explain the mounds of shit that had amassed on my kitchen counters.

"Okay . . ." I said slowly, trying not to freak, which was immensely fucking hard. "I get that but what did my kitchen do to you to deserve this?"

"It's not funny." He grumbled, turning off the burner and removing the now ruined eggs.

"Who's joking?" I shot back, serious. "Alright. Move." I shoved him out of the way and opened up my dishwasher, loading all of the dirty pans that Emmett had used into it. "Did you really need to use this much shit for eggs?" I glanced up at him and he shrugged.

"I didn't know which one to use." He mumbled, the tops of his ears going red. "Rosie does the cooking."

"I guessed." I mumbled, grabbing the cloth that hung over the tap and wetting it before cleaning up all the spilled shit and rinsing it out. I scraped the fucked eggs into the bin before washing out the pan and sticking it back on the burner. "_This_ is the pan you use for frying shit." I told him and he nodded, watching as I continued to clean. He knew not to offer to help or get in the way when I was cleaning shit. It had earned him a broken thumb once. He'd laughed when I had been grounded for a month with no T.V. or anything other than my music. I hadn't even been allowed to play the piano for that length of time, which pissed me off more than losing the ability to go outside other than school or work. But he'd never interfered again meaning he'd learned his lesson. "Where's Nix?" I asked, scanning the room quickly, hoping she hadn't been lost in the mayhem of Emmett trying to put a meal together.

"She's in that house thing." He pointed to the elevated house and I glanced inside, seeing her curled up, snoring lightly. Satisfied she was out of the way and safe, I turned back to the kitchen. She'd seemed to have gotten over her aversion to Emmett at least. _That_, at least, was a plus.

After turning on the burner to a low heat, heating up the pan, I grabbed a couple of eggs out of the fridge along with the milk and some bread. Sticking the bread in the toaster, I mixed the eggs and milk together, pouring them into the pan, hearing them start to sizzle immediately. How Emmett could fuck up something as simple as eggs was beyond me.

_Note to self: teach Emmett to fucking cook._

"Can you grab some plates?" I indicated which cupboard they were in and he grabbed two before pulling open and closing two drawers, probably looking for the cutlery. "It's in this one." I nodded to the drawer next to me and he grabbed us some knives and forks.

I grabbed the toast, putting two slices on each before separating out a portion of the scrambled eggs onto each. I shoved the pan under some water, letting it soak while we ate and passed Emmett the ketchup. Daft fucker had ketchup on everything, I swear.

Sitting on the stools I had at the breakfast bar, we ate in silence, neither of us wanting to start the shitstorm of a conversation we knew was coming while we were eating. It reminded me of when the two of us would eat in the kitchen in Forks before I was attacked. I sighed, wanting to go back to those times.

"You alright?" He asked, looking at me with a concerned expression on his face.

"Yeah." I nodded, knowing I didn't sound convincing. Hell, _I_ wouldn't believe me at the moment.

"What's the matter?" He asked, finishing his food before getting up, rinsing off his plate and slotting it into the dishwasher along with his cutlery. He did the same with the pan and I instantly knew that he wanted to get down to the real reason we were both sitting in my apartment at two o'clock on a Friday afternoon.

I finished my food, disposing of the plate before switching the dishwasher on and laying my hands flat on the counter in front of me.

"Mom and Dad aren't going to stop hassling you, you know." He stated softly and I sighed, closing my eyes before turning around to face him, running my hands through my hair. "If it's not Thanksgiving, it'll be Christmas."

"Both of which were such great holidays my last year in Forks." I muttered and he shook his head, his eyes downcast. I made my way towards the breakfast bar Emmett was sitting at again, resting my elbows on the countertop.

"Look, I don't know what happened after I left your room on Thanksgiving-"

"He hit me." I sighed, running my hands through my hair again, my elbows still on the counter. I closed my eyes, sighing as I sat down, my fingers clenching in my hair of their own accord.

"Hey!" I heard Emmett's voice rising in volume, hearing his stool scraping against the kitchen floor as I felt his fingers wrapping around my own, easing them out of my hair. "Hey, hey, hey. What do you mean he hit you?" I opened my eyes slowly, taking a deep breath, indicating that I was okay. He released my hands and sat down on the stool again, his expression confused and worried, wondering what I had meant by my words. "What do you mean 'he hit you'? You're talking about Dad, right? Dad hit you?"

"Yeah." I whispered, nodding slowly. "You remember that bruise I had by my eye, the week or so after Thanksgiving?" He nodded slowly, realisation dawning on his face. "Well . . . that was Dad."

"That was why Mom practically ripped him a new one that night." Emmett whispered and I shrugged. I hadn't bothered to find out what had gone on after the two of them had left my room. "I've always wondered what that was about."

"Well, now you know." I sighed, resting my head in my hands.

"Why did he hit you?" I knew that he wasn't trying to open old wounds on purpose. He just wanted to know what had caused such a rift between our father and me.

"I was being a dick, as usual." I replied shortly, glancing up at Emmett but his expression told me that that wasn't going to be enough to satisfy him. "He wanted to know why I didn't go downstairs for dinner."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I was scared." I whispered, closing my eyes. "I wasn't ready to face anyone. Let alone _everyone_ at the same time. And . . . I didn't know how to deal with it."

"So you locked yourself away." He nodded, looking down at the counter in front of him, separating the two of us. "Why didn't you come out when he was knocking on the door to your en suite?"

"The same reason." I answered softly. "When he was banging on the door . . . it was then that I realised . . ."

"Realised what?"

"That I was afraid of my own father." I whispered and I heard him suck in a breath. "I was afraid of him, of Charlie, of Jasper . . . and of you."

"I don't want you to ever be afraid of me, Edward." I could hear the sincerity in his voice, but it didn't matter. It couldn't change how I'd felt back then. It couldn't change the past.

"It doesn't matter anymore." I sighed, hearing him doing the same across from me.

"I know it probably doesn't mean much now but . . . thank you for the hoodie." He said softly and I looked up at him, a small smile gracing my lips. "It meant a lot."

"Did you get in?" I asked and he nodded, grinning at me. I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my lips. "I knew you would."

"I wish I'd been as confident as you seemed to be." He chuckled, leaning back slightly. "Dad said that the hoodie was your way of saying that you believed I could get in. Was it?" I nodded, looking down at my hands in front of me. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Would you have listened to me?" I questioned back and his face fell slightly as he thought about it. "Exactly. If I had tried to talk to you about it, there was no way you would have listened to me. You can't deny it and neither can the others."

"I hate knowing that you felt so alone on Christmas Day." He sighed, running his fingers down his face. "Even then I felt like shit."

"It doesn't matter." I said softly, looking away from him. He sighed heavily, his large hand slamming down on the counter separating the two of us.

"Yes, it does fucking matter!" His tone was harsh as he spoke the words. Looking up at him, I could see that he'd most likely beaten himself up for his actions and words on that particular day more than any of the others. "I mean, we were all treating you like you didn't matter, when you'd gone out and spent fuckloads of money and spent time thinking about us! The only one of us who can say they did that is Bella!"

"Emmett, calm down."

"No!" He stood up, his hands gripping his hair tightly as I stood up. "Here, I have Mom and Dad pestering me about whether or not you're coming home for Thanksgiving, having dubbed me as the one to relay the message. Something I don't really want to do, because, let's be honest I've caused you enough grief. Don't contradict me, Edward!" He held up his hand as I started to object to his latest statement. "I know I have. I mean, it's because of me that you left in the first place. Then instead of talking to you when we first found you here, I _hit_ you. Coming round here and practically forcing you to spill what had happened to you, when you _clearly_ didn't want to was fucked up as well. You can't deny it, Edward. You know you can't. And I've done so much shit in the last couple of months, that you should hate me and told me that you never wanted to see me again. And on top of all that, I nearly squashed your cat!"

I snorted at the last one, glancing over at where Nix was stretching out and turning over in her little house. "Well, something tells me that she's gotten over it." He rolled his eyes at me, the frustration evident. "I know what you mean, Emmett. When you first got here, yeah, you were a pain in my ass in the most annoying way ever . . . but it was only because you're a big brother." He looked at me, his eyes full of regret and anger. "I'd been gone for ten years. Like you said to me in the shop, you had no idea about anything I'd been doing. You had no idea whether I was even _alive_. And you wanted to know why. I understand that now."

"How can you be so goddamned understanding?" He sighed, his hands flopping back down to his sides, giving the enormous man a defeated look.

"Because I've learned to see it from both points of view." I looked at him and he shook his head at me, clearly not understanding me. "And Emmett?" He looked up at me, his expression wondering whether or not I was going to rip him a new one for whatever reason. I wasn't. "It wasn't because of you that I left."

"What?" He looked confused, his brows furrowing in a way that made him look eight years old again, trying to work out how to put the front tyre back on his bike after Jasper and I had removed it.

"It wasn't because of the fight that we had, that I left. It never was. Your words were just . . . I don't know . . . the final push I needed, I guess." I sighed and he nodded his eyes downcast as he remembered the night I'd left.

_*~* Flashback *~*_

_10 years previous_

_June 17__th_

_It had been one year exactly – glancing at the time, it was twenty minutes off – since I had been attacked, raped and humiliated. I didn't even know how I was still functioning at the moment. I was practically numb inside, trying to push it from my mind. All I could think about was the 'what if's'. What if I'd left the shop earlier? What if I'd been smarter and crossed the road whilst trying to avoid the group of drunks? What if I'd accepted Emmett's offer of him coming with me to Port Angeles?_

_But what ifs couldn't change the past and they wouldn't alter the future._

_I could hear the others laughing and joking downstairs, enjoying the fact that my parents weren't in the house or even the same town. They'd gone to Seattle for the night, for some reason and Alice had taken it upon herself to organise an impromptu sleepover for everyone. Except me, that is._

_For the last year it had been the same. They had all gotten together, the five of them, gone out, stayed here, considering it was the biggest of our houses and purposefully frozen me out._

_The worst part was how they'd all talk about what they'd done as though one of them was missing._

_I mean, talk about rubbing salt into the wound._

_Sighing gently, I heaved myself off my bed, making my way towards my door, unlocking it quietly. I don't know why but I didn't want any of them to know that I was emerging from my room. It felt as though I was intruding on something I wasn't privy to._

_I made my way into the kitchen, looking for something to eat quickly, scouring the cupboards but finding nothing I could make that didn't take at least half an hour. I opened the fridge, my eyes running over the various items in there. I noticed that there were a few eggs and some milk, so I reasoned that scrambled eggs would do._

_After I'd made it I cleaned up after myself, grabbing some cutlery and made my way back up to my room, again wanting to avoid anything to do with the others downstairs._

_Sitting on my bed, finishing off my food, I glanced at the clock, seeing that it was _exactly_ one year ago, to the minute that I had been attacked. If I hadn't been looking at my phone seconds before I'd been tripped, I wouldn't know that. But like everything else, I'd been suckered with the knowledge of the time at that point in my life._

_My stomach heaved and I threw myself off the bed, only just reaching the toilet in my en suite in time for the meagre meal I'd had to make a reappearance._

_I sat like that for about five minutes or so, gasping for breath, tears running down my faces, my stomach heaving even though there was nothing left in my stomach to get rid of._

_Standing up and pressing the flush I walked, slightly wobbling back out into my bedroom, running my hands through my hair, tears still running down my cheeks._

_I sat on my bed, wiping them away, trying to calm myself down. I didn't look at the time again, knowing that it would only elicit the same reaction from me._

"_Edward?" I looked up to see Emmett standing in my doorway, a concerned expression on his face. "You alright?"_

"_Yeah." I sighed, looking out my window, purposefully avoiding his gaze. "What do you want?"_

_He sighed heavily, stepping into my room slowly, as one would approach a dangerous or cowering animal. Maybe that was how he – how they all – saw me. As something to be approached with extreme caution. "I want this shit to stop."_

"'_This shit'?" I asked, rolling my eyes at his analogy of the fucked up way we'd all been treating each other for the last year._

"_All of this fucked up business between all of us." He explained, his hands running through his hair as he gazed around my room. He hadn't been in here for a while, even though nothing had really changed at all._

"_And how do you propose that happens?" I asked, finally looking at him, practically glaring at him as he stood there, obviously offering an olive branch. One I didn't think I could accept. Not at the moment at least._

"_Apologies." He stated simply. "You apologise to us, we'll apologise to you and forget this fucked up year ever happened."_

"_And what makes you think it's that easy?" I stood up, standing in front of him as he shot me a confused look._

"_It _should_ be that easy." Everything was so simple in his mind. To him, I'd been a dick, but he'd at least acknowledged that they could have behaved better towards me as well. "We're family and friends, Edward. Part of that is forgiving and forgetting."_

"_And where the fuck did you get that?" I snorted, wondering which one of Mom's self help books he'd been reading to try and get through this little chat._

"_Look, I'm trying to work things out here. I don't want all this shit to carry on, but it seems to me that you don't give a shit about what happens between all of us." He clamped his jaw shut, the muscles tensing as his anger rose. "Every time something happens with you, one of us ends up hurting and I don't want to see my friends like that. It seems you don't give a fuck about anyone other than yourself, do you, Edward?"_

_How wrong you are, Emmett._

"_Right." I sighed, turning away from him and making my way over towards my balcony doors, out into the inky blackness that surrounded the house. There weren't any stars out tonight, but seeing them was a rarity in Forks. "And what makes you think that all of your little remarks, your words and actions . . . every time I say or do something . . . you think that doesn't hurt? To have you five banded together? Do you know how alone I've felt for the past _year_? No. You don't. Because, as you've said about me, nobody gave a fuck!"_

"_How the hell can you say that?" He spat back, his eyes seeming to darken as I watched his reflection in the glass of the door. "How can you say that we didn't give a fuck? Of course we fucking did. You're the one who started being a complete and utter dick!"_

"_Really?" I turned and smirked at him, though it gave me no satisfaction to do so. "You really wondered about me, huh? Everybody in this house cared about me?" I wondered if he'd notice I was using the past tense rather than the present. "Then why is it, that after I first came back from Port Angeles I didn't hear the three words I was praying someone would ask?" His expression changed from anger to confusion as I spoke. "Are. You. Okay? Do you know what I would have given to have someone ask me that? And you would have thought that me walking back into the house, bruised and broken, _someone_ would have asked, right? Well, apparently, I don't qualify for compassion." I couldn't help the humourless laugh that escaped me at that point. "Not even my fucking _twin_ realised that there was something wrong. How pathetic is that? Yeah . . . you're right. I must have rated so high on everybody's radar. If you're done, you can get the fuck out of my room." I turned back to the window, closing my eyes as I rested my forehead against the cool glass._

"_Well, unlucky for you, I _haven't_ finished." He was right behind me, closer than I had thought he would be. I opened my eyes to see that he was literally inches behind me, his eyes murderous. "You can insult me all you want, but you _do not_ insult the others. Especially Alice! She's your fucking twin, for God's sake!"_

"_Exactly!" I turned, glaring up at him. "Don't you think, that being in that role, she should have noticed that there was something a little wrong when I walked in the door that day? Huh? Don't you think that all of you, what with you being my _'best friends'_ as you say, you should have noticed? Ever thought of that?"_

"_Well, if you'd said something-"_

"_I fucking _tried_, you asshole!" I heard the hate in my own tone as I spoke. The pain and hurt, the anger and betrayal I'd felt at the hands of my brother, sister and so called friends. It took everything I had to stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth. 'I was raped.' It might seem like three small words to some, but the implications and repercussions behind them would be catastrophic. For me, at least. There would be tears, questions and hurt and I didn't think I could handle any of that. "I tried talking to each and every fucking one of you! But did anyone listen? No! So you know what? You can all go to fucking hell! And yes, that includes Alice."_

_The next thing I knew, I was pinned up against the wall by my glass doors, unable to breathe. I registered something smashing near me and realised that my lamp had most likely met its demise. Mom was going to be pissed about that._

"_Don't you ever say anything like that about my fucking sister again!" He snarled at me, pressing harder onto my chest. "I don't care what genetics say, you're not my brother. You're someone I don't know. Someone I don't _want_ to know!"_

"_Emmett!" I heard several voices behind Emmett, before the pressure on my chest lightened and I tumbled to the floor, thankful that I could at least get some air into my lungs._

"_Edward, oh my god, are you alright?" Someone was calling my name, sitting close to me. I didn't like it. I hated that someone was as close to me as they were._

"_Get the hell away from me." I snarled, realising, too late, that it was Bella sitting next to me. I saw the hurt flash through her eyes at my words and I felt like even more of a dick than I ever had before. "All of you piss the fuck off and take him with you!"_

"_You're a fucking prick!" Emmett wrenched himself free of Jasper's hold, forcing his way towards me again. He swung his arm, probably intending to knock me out because of my words, but his size – that was usually an advantage – was his downfall. I was smaller, and therefore faster than him, and I managed to dodge the main blow of his fist, being smashed in the shoulder instead. It fucking hurt, but I knew that the blow would have indeed knocked me out. Either that or given me a serious concussion._

"_Emmett!" Jasper grabbed him again, trying to yank him from my room, the girls in front of Emmett, blocking his way to me. Alice and Rose glared at me turning their attention back to the struggling pair, whilst Bella stood there with a look I hated in her eyes._

_Pity._

_I abhorred fucking _pity_._

"_You know what, Edward?" Emmett spat as Jasper and the girls pushed and pulled him from the room. "Why don't you just fuck off and get the hell out of our lives! It would have been better for all of us if you hadn't come back from Port Angeles that day. Because then at least we wouldn't have been settled with _you - _this dick, whoever he is - for a year."_

_What I neglected to tell any of them was that if I hadn't come back from Port Angeles, it would have most likely meant that I was dead._

_*~* End Flashback *~*_

That had been one of the hardest nights of my life. I hated knowing that I had hurt my family and friends in that way. Hurt them enough to want me gone.

"Hey!" The sound of Emmett's voice snapped me out of the past and I shook my head lightly, trying to focus. "You were thinking about what happened that night, weren't you?"

"Weren't _you_?" I shot back and he sighed, chuckling once before nodding.

"Look, I know you said that it wasn't because of me that you left, but . . . I didn't mean what I said. I was just so pissed that I wasn't thinking about what I was saying." He did look genuinely remorseful as he spoke and I nodded, looking back down at the counter.

"Do you remember what I said that night?" I asked quietly, looking back up at him and he nodded.

"After you left I replayed what you said over and over in my head." He shook his head, sighing heavily. "I didn't really understand what you meant by the fact that you felt pathetic, that you thought you didn't 'rate high on anyone's radar', as you put it," I nodded, remembering that those were my words, "and some part of me didn't want to. Maybe it was because if I delved too deeply into the meaning behind you words, I'd realise that you really _were_ hurting, and at that time, I don't think I wanted to know that."

"Why not?" What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"I don't know." He sat back, shaking his head slightly. "I'd like to say it's because I was so pissed at you, I didn't want to figure something out and sympathise or whatever, but I think we both know that's not true." He chuckled once, humourlessly. "I think it was because I knew that if I thought about it too much, I'd realise how wrong we all were to judge and how much we actually _did_ hurt you."

"In that year, I went from thinking I had friends for life to feeling like the loner kid that sits in the corner of the playground that everyone makes fun of." I admitted, looking away from him.

"And we did that to you." He ran his hands through his hair, scraping his palms down his face and he exhaled a deep breath.

Suddenly a shrill ringing filled the air and he pulled out his phone, sighing and rolling his eyes at the display. "Hi, Mom." I dropped my head onto my folded arms. He patted the back of my head and I whacked his hand away, causing him to chuckle. "Look, Mom, I don't know." He paused and I looked up at him, not lifting up my head. "He's working." He placed a finger to his lips, indicating that I needed to stay quiet and I closed my eyes, letting out a breath and resting my head on my forearms again. "I don't know. The shop doesn't close till late and it depends on whether they have anyone in, so I couldn't tell you. Mom . . . Mom . . . Mom! You need to cool it. He's kinda touchy about Thanksgiving." He paused again, and I heard a faint murmuring on the other end of the line. "I know you know why. He told me what happened with Dad, Mom." His voice was faint, as though saying it any louder made it that much more real. "Mom, I'll get back to you on it, but I can't make any promises."

He said goodbye to Mom and hung up the phone, sighing gently and placing the small machine on the table with a small 'thunk'. I still had my head resting on my arms when he decided he'd had enough and flicked the top of my head.

"Fuck off!" I whined, sounding like a child even to my own ears as I rubbing my head. He laughed not saying anything, yet saying everything at the same time.

We were all right.

Emmett left shortly after that, needing to get back to Rose and the garage.

"Hey!" I called as he started to pull on his shoes. "Each of the girls have now got one, so when are you and Jazz gonna stop being pussies and get inked?" I smirked at him, hearing the dare in my own voice as he glared at me.

"I ain't doing that shit, Edward and you know it." He shook his head as he grabbed his jacket.

"Well, you still have an appointment with Mae or Seth." I reminded him and he looked at me, confused. "I seem to remember you being dared to get your nipples pierced."

"Ah crap." He groaned, and I could tell that he was hoping that night had been forgotten.

"You gotta do it." I reminded him in a singsong voice and he scowled at me.

"Do I have to?" He whined, sounding like a three year old and I couldn't help but laugh at him. "Do I seriously have to?"

"I did_._" I reminded him, raising an eyebrow and he grinned lightly, most likely remembering hauling me off that night so that Mae could pierce my belly. "And if I have to, so do you. We can do it now if you want." I smirked at him as his face dropped. "I mean, you have to go past the shop to get to the garage . . . and what's another ten minutes?"

"I'm not getting out of this, am I?" He asked, his head bowing in defeat as I shook my head. "Fine!" He sighed, sounding like the petulant child, that , in many ways, he still was. "But I don't have to like it."

"No one said you did." I smirked, knowing full well how much at least _I_ liked it. But then again, I didn't really want to think about my brother that way. That was just gross. I grabbed my jacket and slipped my shoes on, shoving him out of the apartment in front of me. After locking the door, I followed a grumbling Emmett towards the elevator, unable to stop laughing at him. "Stop grumbling. It's not that big a deal."

"Hypocrite." He mumbled and that was something I had to agree with him on. I hadn't wanted my belly pierced, but then again, what guy does? Especially of his own free will.

We walked in a comfortable silence to the shop, where, upon entering I hollered for Seth, who appeared immediately, grinning when he saw Emmett standing there. He knew what Emmett had come back in for and was relishing piercing my big brother. For all the hassle he caused when he first turned up, or so he says.

I will say that watching Emmett get his nipples pierced was amusing. He made the usual first-timer mistake of looking at Seth while he was preparing the needle barbells and his face was one of the funniest things I'd ever seen. You'd have thought that Seth had just strapped him to the chair and brandished a carving knife, intending on slicing him up.

"Fuck!" I laughed as Emmett glared at me while Seth screwed the ball onto the first barbell and turning to prepare the second. "Shut the hell up, man! It fucking hurt!"

"It does not!" I scoffed and his glare intensified as he sat there. I couldn't help but chuckle at the expression on my brother's face. Slightly amusing, one would say.

"Says the guy with his dick pierced- Fuck!" I let out another laugh, unable to contain it, pushing myself around on the spinny stool Seth had in his room. _I might have to steal this stool_. I thought, making a note to do so after Seth had left.

"Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it." Seth mumbled, placing a small bandage over Emmett's second nipple, seeming ignorant to Emmett's look of shock as he stared at Seth.

"You've got one as well?" He looked between the two of us, probably wondering why we'd do something like that, but I will say that the benefits _far_ outweigh the pain.

"Yup." Seth grinned, throwing the needle away in the designated disposal and stripping off his gloves. "As do Jake and Masen."

"And they're both gonna kick your ass for relaying that information." I chuckled as Emmett shook his head, probably trying to rid himself of the new information he'd acquired.

"Whatever." He muttered, standing up and pulling on his shirt, hissing a little as he moved. "I gotta go back to the shop. Rosie's probably wondering where the hell I am." Seth and I nodded, knowing how Rose could be when she was kept waiting, whether it was work or not.

"See ya." I slapped him on the back as he made his way out to the front of the shop and I into my back room, still chuckling at Emmett's expression. Rose would probably love his new jewellery. No doubt. Well, Bella seemed to love mine, so if that was any indication.

The rest of the evening passed quickly, more walk-ins appearing than I'd thought we'd have. I had to kick a few out because they were obviously too young to be in here, which made the day more interesting.

I hadn't heard from Bella all day and I couldn't help but wonder about her. Normally, she would come into the shop after she'd finished at school but it was now eight o'clock and nothing. I'd texted her, but I hadn't heard anything back. I really needed to sort this shit out with her. Enough was enough now. She needed to know that some little shit from Washington was not going to intimidate me enough to lose her. That shit was not happening. Not on my fucking watch.

"What's up, Ed?" Marcus, the guy I was currently inking and my only booked appointment for today, asked, noticing my distracted demeanour. "Something on your mind?"

"Only how I'm going to purposefully write some guy's name on your leg if you call me Ed again." I smirked at him and he held up his hands in defeat.

"Someone's moody." He chuckled, lacing his fingers behind his head, getting comfortable again. "Girl trouble?"

I sighed, gently as I refilled the ink before closing my eyes slowly and turning back to him. "Yeah, actually."

"Tell Uncle Marc all about it."

"Shut up, you dick." I muttered, trying not to laugh at the man's stupidity. "There's just this guy from back home who's hassling her and she won't talk to me about it. Apparently, he gave her a lot of shit before she moved here and now he's hounding her again."

"She pushing you away?" I nodded and he let out a breath through his nose.

"I gotta talk to her about it. I know that but I have no idea how to even fucking start." _This_ was why I didn't do relationships. _Yeah right. _That sounded ridiculous even to me. No matter what I told myself, I now knew that the only reason I didn't 'do relationships' was because it wasn't with Bella. Deep down it was like I'd always known she was the other half of me. That I wouldn't be happy with anyone other than her.

Now how do I make sure my balls are still attached without Marcus seeing?

"How about 'we need to talk'." He shrugged and I let out a laugh, shaking my head.

"Dude, even _I _know that's the _worst_ way to start a conversation, especially with your girlfriend." I glanced up and him and he nodded, realising how it might sound. "I'll deal with it later."

We bantered back and forth while I finished his ink, the conversation easy and light again. Marcus had been coming to me for his ink for the past five years. When his old artist had moved to LA, he'd come in here, having heard about us, wanting to see how good we really were compared with what his friends had been saying about us. He hadn't been to anyone else since.

I left the shop at about nine, leaving Jake and Seth to their own devices – which was never really a good idea – but I needed to talk to Bella and I needed to do it before I chickened out like the pussy I am.

Opening the door to my apartment, I immediately saw that she had come here after work. It seemed she had worn the bright red deathtraps to school today. How she could stand in front of a class all day and not break her neck or at least want to rip them off her feet and throw them through the nearest window, was beyond me.

"Bella?" I called, slipping off my jacket and shoes, padding quietly down the hall. I heard a small moan come from the living area and saw Bella curled up under a thick blanket in the foetal position on the sofa. "Hey, are you okay?" I knelt down by the arm of the chair, running my hand through her hair gently. She opened her eyes to look at me, before squeezing them shut again. "What's the matter?"

"Cramps." She whined and I immediately caught on. _Fuck! I hate these four days._ It meant no fucking. At all. Which always sucked, big time.

"When did they start?" This could have been the reason she didn't come into the shop, but it didn't really answer the question of why she didn't let me know she was okay. Call me a possessive fuck, but she's my girlfriend, I'm allowed to worry.

"About two hours ago." The answer was pathetically quiet and I realised she must have been in quite a lot of pain. _Thank fuck I'm not a woman._

_You do act like one sometimes, though._

_Shut the fuck up!_

_Done._

I shook my head, dispelling the voices that were fucking with my head. Yes, I was aware that I was arguing with myself. Do I look like I give a shit? No? Good. "Have you taken anything?" I asked and she nodded slowly.

"Tylenol." She whimpered and I know it was fucking ridiculous, but it broke my heart to see her in pain. I'd recently found out that regular Tylenol didn't do anything for Bella when she was like this, but apparently there was a special Tylenol specifically aimed at menstrual cramps. Didn't seem to be working though, did it? "When they started." She still had an hour or so before she could take any more then.

I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, before standing up and making my way through to the kitchen. Opening up one of the lower cupboards, I pulled out Bella's hot water bottle, complete with fluffy pink cover that had some kind of head on it where it folded over the top. She kept telling me it was a sheep, but it just looked like some kind of alien to me. I don't fucking know, do I?

I filled up the kettle and set it to boil, pulling out two cup and filling one with coffee and the putting a camomile teabag in the other. Normally, I would have made two cups of coffee but it always made Bella feel sick when she was . . . you get the idea. Camomile always seemed to relax her and she fell asleep quite quickly after drinking it.

I filled up the hot water bottle, screwing the cap on tightly before covering it and setting it on the side, making up the tea and coffee. I tucked the water bottle under my arm before making my way out into the living room.

I placed all three items on the coffee table before running my hand through Bella's hair again. She opened her eyes, her expression pained and I couldn't help but sympathise while simultaneously be thankful that I didn't have to deal with this every month. On her end, anyway.

"Come on, love. Sit up." She moaned again, shaking her head and burying under her blanket. "I have a hot water bottle and camomile." Now _that_ got a reaction. The top of her head appeared, along with her eyes. The rest of her face was hidden from me and I couldn't hold back the smirk that appeared. "Come on."

I gently lifted her up, sitting on the sofa myself, settling her in between my legs. I leaned over and picked up the water bottle, lifting up her top and settling it against her stomach, holding it there before handing her her tea.

"Thank you." She whispered, her head resting against my chest gently. Even though the situation was not even remotely erotic, no one seemed to send that memo to my dick, who was proudly begging for some attention.

"Anything for you, baby." I whispered back, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, resting my cheek on the same spot.

"You wanna go sort your problem out?" Her tone was amused as she sipped her tea. She was relaxing slightly.

"I'll be fine." I chuckled, my nose in her hair.

"But will he?" Her voice was getting thick and I knew she was getting tired. Hopefully, the tea and heat from the hot water bottle were helping her. I knew they had done in the past.

"Yes, he will be fine too." I mumbled into her hair. She hummed something in response, setting her now empty mug on the table and resting her arms on top of mine.

"Thank you." She whispered again and I smile into her hair.

"Anytime." And I meant it.

It looked as though our little talk would have to wait.


	21. Footsteps In The Snow

_**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I do however have tickets to see a midnight screening of Eclipse on Friday/Saturday. Whoop!**_

_**I have started a series of outtakes and alternate scenes which at the moment include the Last Christmas outtake and an alternate version of Rose and Edward's conversation in the flashback in Chapter 10.**_

_**If there's anything specific you want to see, don't hesitate to ask and I'll see what I can do.**_

_'Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself  
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms  
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast  
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life_

_If you knew how longely my life has been  
And how long I've been so alone  
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along  
And change my life the way you've done_

_It feels like gome to me, it feels like home to me  
It feels like I all the way back where I come from  
It feels like gome to me, it feels like home to me  
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong_

_A window breaks, down a long, dark street  
And a siren wails in the night  
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me  
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light_

_Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me  
And how long I've waited for your touch  
And if you knew how happy you are making me  
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much_

_It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me  
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from  
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me  
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong  
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong'_

_'Feels Like Home' Edwina Hayes_

_***~*Bella*~***_

I knew that it was wrong of me to push Edward away but I couldn't seem to help myself. It was natural instinct when it came to Tyler. The threat of Tyler coming to Chicago was very real. Nothing was beyond him. He didn't care who he hurt when he wanted something. And unfortunately what he wanted was me. God only knows how he'd gotten hold of my phone number. He could have easily come across my new address as well.

Not that it really mattered anymore seeing as I was at Edward's apartment most of the time.

Edward . . .

He had been so sweet and understanding over the whole Tyler thing and he didn't bring it up. I knew that it was stirring in his mind and that the words I had snapped at him in my apartment were still fresh in his head.

I wasn't sure why I had come out with those words. All I knew was that I couldn't let him get close to me, not with the whole Tyler situation up in the air. I knew when he was thinking about it, running through it in his head and I would be lying if I said that it didn't break my heart a little each and every time.

It now felt like he didn't trust me, which I didn't blame him for at all. If he didn't trust me, he'd probably be a lot better off. There wouldn't be any chance of him getting hurt. He maintained that he could take care of himself – which I didn't doubt – but I was still wary about the chance of him coming face to face with Tyler.

The fact that it was nearly Thanksgiving was not lost on any of us. The others had been acting slightly shady around Edward and I knew it was starting to get to him. His parents wanted to know if he was going to be going back to Forks this year or whether he would be staying in Chicago.

It was clear he hadn't made a decision.

I hoped they weren't pestering him about it, as I knew they would probably be prone to do. It would do them well to remember that when pushed, Edward closes up tighter than a clam and it would take the force of fifty wrecking balls to make even the slightest dent in the walls he placed around himself.

I, on the other hand, _had_ made a decision.

I was going to let Edward in and make sure that he knew without any doubt that he was the only one for me in this or any other lifetime. After hearing my request, there wouldn't be any chance that he could doubt me.

This is why I was now sitting in the shop, waiting for Edward to finish up with a customer. It was eight thirty in the evening and Edward didn't have any more appointments after this one. I wanted to make sure that he had all the time in the world to try and accommodate what I wanted him to do.

It was another half an hour before Edward and his customer appeared. He was still running through the basic aftercare routine I had heard him spout off nearly a thousand times already as a lazy grin spread across his lips when he saw me waiting for him to finish up.

He took the cash the guy gave him, tucking it into the register before making his way over to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist as mine curled around his neck. I pulled him down to me, burying my face in his shoulder and inhaling as deeply as I could. Hey, I'm freaky. Get over it.

"Is everything okay?" He pulled back slightly, his face concerned at my behaviour most likely. I nodded, pulling him down again so that our lips met. He was wearing the rings again, which made Internal Bella do a little happy dance. I _loved_ the rings.

"Everything's fine." I rested my head on his chest, the right side this time, making sure that the left was accessible for what I needed. "I was wondering if you could do something for me."

"What, love?"

"I want another tattoo." I told him simply and he chuckled, pressing a kiss into my hair.

"Oh dear, I've created a monster." He chuckled and I nodded, my fingers gently playing with his shirt, lingering over the tattoo that resided above his heart. "What was it that you wanted?"

At his question I rested my hand flat over the tattoo of the two of us, pressing a kiss to it and looking up at him. A look of understanding dawned in his eyes as he realised what I was asking.

"Are you sure?" I nodded, keeping eye contact and his tongue slowly ran across his lip, the tiny silver ball of his tongue ring creating a beautiful contrast on the pink lips I wanted to devour all of the time.

"One hundred per cent." He nodded slowly, taking a deep breath. I knew why he was hesitating slightly. This was something that would bind the two of us together. A matching tattoo. Something Edward has always said he's despised from day one. I didn't care. I wanted it and that was that. And I wanted him to do it. "But . . ." I held up a finger and he looked down at me, curious. "I want it as we are now."

"Huh?" His brows furrowed in what I now knew as his 'what the fuck' look. Classy man, my boyfriend.

"I want the two of us in the image as we are now. Piercings, tattoos and all." He chuckled lightly, pressing his lips to my forehead. "Think you can do it?"

"Do you doubt me?" He feigned hurt and I giggled, my arms wrapping around his neck, fingers curling in his hair as I yanked his head down, pulling his lips to mine. He let out a surprised sound at my sudden forcefulness before relaxing into the kiss. "Where do you want it?" He asked and I indicated my left shoulder blade, directly above my heart. He grinned at me, giving me another chaste kiss before untangling himself and moving over to the desk he and Jake shared.

I walked up behind him as he sat down, resting my arms around his neck gently. I buried my nose in his hair as he flicked through a file, flicking through a mountain of stencils that had accumulated in there before he found the stencil he had created for the one I wanted. Why he kept them all I don't know. Maybe it was an artist thing. More likely it was just an Edward thing.

Then it hit me.

It was more likely than not all the stencils in that file were on Edward's body somewhere. Seeing them all like that kind of rammed it home how inked he actually was.

"Are you sure about this?" He held up the stencil of the two of us, along with a photograph he had in the file. I hoped that wasn't an original photograph and was nothing more than a copy.

"Absolutely." I pressed my lips to his jugular, biting down lightly. He hissed gently at the contact and I smirked to myself, increasing the pressure. He groaned, his eyes closing and I felt surprisingly good about myself.

"Okay, if you're going to keep doing that we're not going to get anywhere." He murmured and I released my grip on him. He stood up slowly sending me a mock glare as he made his way towards the back. I was sure that I'd made him a little uncomfortable. "Come on, then."

I clapped lightly, bouncing towards him and he laughed, shaking his head, muttering something about knowing Alice for too long. Had no idea what he was talking about.

He made me take off my shirt – which I knew he wasn't too fussed about – and stand in front of him while he placed the stencil on my skin. I wondered if it would still work considering it had been a while since Edward had had his done. Clearly he knew what he was doing.

He had me lay down on the chair he had flattened out and he moved up beside my head. He moved my arm so that it was hanging over the edge of the chair, by his leg and I ran my finger down the underside of his thigh as he turned around to ready the ink.

"Bella," he ground out, his jaw clenched as his eyes flashed dangerously. "Keep doing shit like that and there won't be any tattoo at all."

"Why?" I batted my eyelashes going for innocent. I knew he saw straight through that stuff, but I really didn't care. It kept me entertained and that's the main thing.

"You very well know fucking why." He leaned over, pressing his lips to my temple. "Now behave." He turned around and did whatever it was he did before starting. I never knew what he was doing. He was probably making sure he had the right needle or something. I heard the machine buzz a couple of times as he checked it, letting me know he was about to start. "Now there's no outline to this one, as you know, so it's basically just colour and shading." I nodded, closing my eyes and wrapping my arm underneath his knee in front of me. He chuckled lightly, shaking his head, promising to be as gentle as he could.

I took a deep breath as the needle touched my skin, my hand tightening around Edward's leg slightly as I tried to level myself out. He didn't seem to mind, mumbling little nonsense sentences he knew would distract me.

"Edward?" I looked up at him to see that he was concentrating on what he was doing. He hummed in response, wiping excess ink away. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" He glanced at the photograph he had laid on my back for reference before dipping the needle in ink again. The movement of the needle was different to how it had been last time. But then again, whereas there was a lot of line work in my first one, he had said that the entirety of this one was colour. There was no outline at all.

"For how I've been the last couple of weeks." I sighed and he clicked his tongue ring against his teeth. I knew what to do if he started rolling it between his teeth. Jake was an expert teacher at reminding Edward not to do that. And I knew more of his weak points than Jake did. Not that he didn't pester me to tell him. "I don't mean to be such a bitch but when it comes to Tyler, I really don't know how else to be. He's hurt people I care about or he's tried to and I don't want anything like that to happen to you. I know that you say you can look after yourself but I still worry."

"I know you worry." He sighed, pulling the needle away for a moment while he spoke. "And I know I can't stop you from worrying but you really scare the shit out of me when you're like that." He looked at the photograph again before resuming what he was doing. "You might worry about me when I'm fine, but when you do, you start to scare me, love. It's not something I can help. I want you to be able to be honest with me about things, especially this guy. If you think there's a chance he could be coming here for whatever reason, then I've got to fucking know about it. I mean, who knows, he could just appear in the shop one day or some shit and none of us in here will know the difference. You've got to let me in, love. I love you. I don't want you hurting."

"I know." I closed my eyes, feeling them burning along with the new ink Edward was applying to my skin. "What are you going to do about Thanksgiving?" I knew this was a question Edward had most likely been asked over and over again over the last few weeks but I couldn't help but ask. I didn't want to go back to Forks without him.

"I don't know." He sighed, shaking his head.

"I know that everyone there would love to see you again." I couldn't help the smile, knowing how happy Esme and Carlisle would be to have their youngest son back in Forks for the holidays. Renee would be ecstatic and Charlie . . . well, he could stuff it. If he wasn't happy for me then that was his problem.

He snorted, a very un-gentlemanly sound escaping him. "Try telling that to the Chief."

"Oh, Charlie's just being Charlie." I shrugged using my right shoulder. Hopefully, I hadn't jarred him and his work. He would be extra fussy with it if I did. "He'll come around."

"Right." He scoffed, shaking his head. "Did I tell you he tried pressuring me to tell him why I left Forks?"

"No! When?"

"Well, it wasn't really pressuring more an insistent nagging. It was clear that he's not going to like me again until he gets a damn good reason for my disappearance." He didn't really sound that fussed about whether or not he had Charlie's approval.

"I know that your parents will be over the moon if you go. So will Renee for that matter." I smiled, remembering my mothers' response to Edward when we had returned to Forks not long ago. "It's up to you, love. Completely and utterly."

He sighed, closing his eyes slowly as he took the needle away from my skin. "Okay."

"Okay?" _Huh? Bella confused_.

"Okay . . . I'll go."

"Really?" I looked up at him and he nodded, his expression tense and his jaw clenched shut. Gently moving his hand out of the way, I sat up, feeling the photograph fluttering off of my back and onto the floor somewhere. I pulled my legs up underneath me, cupping my hands around his jaw, running my thumb gently over his bottom lip. "Hey, look at me." He slowly opened his eyes, the windows to his pained yet beautiful soul. "You don't have to go if you don't want to. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Forget about what everyone else thinks, what everyone else wants. What do _you_ want to do for Thanksgiving?"

I wasn't giving him an out and he knew it. He hated it when I did that to him, but sometimes it was exactly what he needed. He knew that as well.

"I want to go back to Forks. I want to be able to spend the holidays with my family like I used to, but I don't know if I can." He closed his eyes, letting out a breath. "It's hard . . . even thinking about going back and actually being in the house where so much shit happened. I don't know if I can handle it."

"If you do go back, I'll be there every step of the way." I smiled at him, pressing my lips to his gently. "But it's completely up to you."

He took a deep breath as though someone had just asked him to perform the most difficult task on earth. Though in reality they might as well have done.

"I'll go." He whispered, opening his eyes. His voice might have been small but his eyes were determined. He wanted to work past his demons and being back in that house was one of the biggest ones. So much had happened in there, so much we wanted to forget, so much pain and hate had festered there. It would be difficult for him to deal with. No doubt Esme would want him to stay in his old bedroom. She hadn't moved anything in there, save to tidy up the broken lamp and to clean every so often. I remembered the night he went missing. I'd never been so scared in my life.

_*~*Flashback*~*_

_"He's gone." I croaked out, looking at them all._

_"Who's gone?" Alice asked, walking over to me and taking the piece of paper that I handed her. "Shit." It wasn't very often that Alice cursed, and when she did, it was not good._

_"What?" The other three looked between the two of us and the ominous little piece of paper still in Alice's hand._

_"What are we gonna tell Mom and Dad?" She looked at me, her eyes wide with worry._

_"I don't know." I shook my head, running my hands through my hair. "I don't think that when they went away, having their youngest son disappear was something they wanted to achieve."_

_"What the hell is going on?" Emmett asked, getting impatient. "What the hell is on that piece of paper?"_

_"_Be careful what you wish for_."_

"_What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Emmett looked around at all of us, not knowing what the hell was going on. I thought for a moment, my jaw dropping as I realised what had been said._

"_Emmett?" He looked up at me, his eyes telling me he was hoping I'd give him an answer that could bring his brother back. "What was the last thing you said to Edward before you left the room?"_

"_Holy shit!" Rosalie sat down on the sofa, running her fingers through her hair. "What are we going to do?"_

"_We have to call Charlie." Alice sniffed as Jasper wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to him._

_Emmett nodded, picking up the phone and calling my dad. He made his way into the kitchen and I heard the door to the garage open again. He was checking to make sure that Edward's bike had really gone and we weren't being delusional. It was gone. I didn't need Emmett's confirmation to know that._

_His bike was gone._

He _was gone._

_He came back a few minutes later, a defeated look on his face. He sighed, placing the phone back in the cradle. "He said he's going to keep a look out for him but they can't officially do anything until he's been gone for twenty four hours. That's when the cops decide that someone is officially 'missing'."_

"_But if they look now, they can find him." Alice sobbed, moving over to her big brother. "I mean, if he's headed out of Forks, then he's probably on route to Port Angeles right? He couldn't have gotten very far, could he? I mean, if they look for him now, they could catch up with him soon, he's probably still in Washington, not even near Seattle or anywhere by now but waiting twenty four hours, he could be anywhere by then. We might never see him again."_

"_I know, Ali-Kat. I know." Emmett wrapped his arms around his little sister, pulling her close to him as she sobbed._

_I hated this. I wanted to call Charlie and tell him to look for Edward, but I knew that unofficially, he would be. He would be looking for Edward, but not as a cop. Just as Charlie Swan. Unfortunately that means that Edward could be who knows where by the time the law decides he's officially missing._

_By calling my dad, Emmett had officially reported him missing, but according to the law, the police cannot begin an investigation until tomorrow night. That's completely fucked up._

"_Hey, kids." I turned to the door as Esme and Carlisle walked through the front door. They froze when they saw the shell-shocked expressions and tear-streaked faces of the people in front of them. "What's going on?"_

"_Mom. Dad?" Emmett stood up, leaning on the back of the sofa, looking at his parents. I looked at him, nodding. He had to tell them now. They were going to find out sooner or later, probably tonight when Esme went to check on Edward. "It's Edward."_

"_What about him?" The two of them stepped forward slightly, their eyes widening at words of their youngest son. "He's alright, isn't he? He's not hurt, is he?"_

_Emmett shook his head, running a hand through his short hair. "He's gone." It was no more than a whisper, but everyone heard it._

"_What do you mean, he's gone?" Esme's voice cracked as she walked over to Emmett, looking up at him. "What are you talking about, Emmett? Where is he?"_

"_I don't know." He shook his head, trying not to look at his mother who was very quickly on her way to becoming distraught. "We had a fight earlier and he took off. We've called Charlie, so the police know that he's gone, but they say they can't do anything for twenty four hours."_

_Esme looked at Carlisle before she took off up the stairs, straight to Edward's room. She wouldn't find anything and it would break her heart. We followed her up there to find her slumped on the floor next to Edward's desk, pieces of the shattered lamp in her hands as sobs wracked through her body. Carlisle was pacing the room, his hand clenching and unclenching in his hair, no doubt trying to find a reason for his son to have disappeared._

"_What happened?" He asked, his voice rasping as though he had been crying out for hours on end. "Tell me what happened?"_

"_Like I said, we had a fight and then we all went downstairs to cool off and watch a movie, get some pizza and stuff. Edward was still up here when it finished and Bella came up here to offer him some. You know, a kind of a truce thing . . ." Emmett looked to me and I sniffed lightly as everyone's gaze turned to me._

"_When I got up here, he wasn't in here." I sniffed again, feeling my eyes tingling with new tears threatening to break through. "But his balcony doors were open so I thought he must be having a cigarette. He wasn't out there which just confused me. Then I saw the paper on the desk-"_

"_What paper?" Carlisle asked, his head snapping towards the desk and back to me. I handed him the note and he looked at it quickly, his breath leaving him in a quick gasp._

"_What are we going to do?" Esme sobbed, looking up at her husband, her light green eyes shining with the tears that were flowing freely down her face._

"_I don't know." He whispered quietly, shaking his head. "I don't know."_

_*~* End Flashback *~*_

Carlisle had printed out posters with Edward's picture and contact numbers for himself and Esme around an hour later. He had decided that he couldn't wait for the police to get their act together and he drove all around town, to Port Angeles and other towns putting them up. I think the entire state of Washington was covered in missing posters by the next morning.

Okay, slight exaggeration.

Edward got back to work on my new artwork, using the photograph he had picked up off the floor as referencing. There were a couple of times I saw he glanced at his own arm, taking into account that I had asked for the image to be of the two of us as we were at this point in time.

At one point he moved his chair around, looking at the roses on my side for a minute or two, running his fingers over them gently, trying to capture their essence in the one he was working on.

"You haven't forgotten it, have you?" I asked, feigning surprise and he chuckled slightly.

"No, I just need to get the dimensions and spacing between each flower right. Either that or you're going to have a wonky rose on your shoulder." I couldn't really argue with him considering he knew what he was doing and I didn't have a clue.

At one point he insisted I have a break, even though I was fine to carry on. He told me that he wouldn't be working continuously for much longer and it surprised me to see that it was ten o'clock already. He had been working for nearly two and a half hours. If there had been any walk-ins, Jake must have taken them on, because I hadn't heard a peep from anyone.

After about fifteen minutes, I insisted that he carry on, wanting to get it finished tonight so that it wouldn't be incomplete for when we returned to Forks. He would never understand how proud of him I was for taking this step. It was an enormous one for him to take and I hoped it would do him only good.

It was nearly midnight by the time he finished and he was grumbling about me being stubborn and putting myself through too much at a time. It didn't really take a genius to know that I had threatened some very precious things of his if he hadn't cooperated. Nothing like a little coercion, is there?

What he didn't know was that I would never have gone through with it. That part of his anatomy was too precious to endanger.

We made it back to his apartment for half past midnight and he checked the tattoo before leading me into the bedroom and through to his en suite. He lifted me up and placed me on the vanity, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

He gently pulled the gauze off and I looked over my shoulder at the new ink on my skin.

It was perfect.

A perfect rendition of the photograph the both of us had on our shoulders. He had even added in the roses on my side, the slight glint of the bar that ran through the top of my ear, just visible through my hair as it flowed around my head, landing on the water, gently floating. He had added in the bright colours that littered his arms and chest, the bars and rings running through his skin. He had even added in the nipple rings, probably knowing that I wouldn't be happy if they weren't there. I told him I wanted it to be exactly as we were now and without them, he was incomplete.

I bit down on my lip as he gently ran a soft cloth over the raw skin, being as careful as he could. He retrieved a towel from the cupboard next to the sink, gently drying it off, blowing on it to dry it further. The whole experience was incredibly sensual without even meaning to be.

I felt my heart flutter as he curved behind me and softly pressed a kiss to the ink, the cool steel contrasting with the heat the tattoo was giving off.

After he had made sure it was clean he placed more gauze over it and insisted I wear one of his t-shirts to bed, so that the thin straps of my cami wouldn't irritate it as I slept.

"You know, a ticket to Washington is going to be very expensive at this late notice." I murmured as we sank down onto the mattress. We only had three days before we left for Thanksgiving and last minute tickets cost a bomb.

"I think I can afford it." He smirked back at me, flicking off the lamp, immersing us in darkness. _Ah, of course he could._

"Stupid little trust fund baby." I muttered, feeling the lull of sleep pulling at me as he chuckled into the darkness. His arms wrapped around me, mindful of the fresh tattoo as he pulled me closer to him. All I could remember before falling into a deep sleep was never having felt more complete in his arms.

How could I have gone so long without this?

. . . . . .

"Alice, we've _just _landed. Why do you want to go shopping now?" I chuckled at Edward's moaning as Alice pulled off the 101 into Port Angeles.

It was the day before Thanksgiving and we had landed in Seattle a few hours ago. Alice had quickly commandeered the drivers' seat of one of the rental cars we had picked up, stating that there were a few things she needed to pick up before we arrived in Forks. Thankfully, we had caught an early – and I mean _ridiculously early_ – flight and had most of the day to get back to the tiny town.

Edward was not impressed.

After she had pulled out onto the road, I realised that it might not have been a good idea to take this detour, especially with Edward in the same car. It struck me that he hadn't actually been back to Port Angeles since he had been attacked. If you don't count the week he stayed in the motel here.

But unfortunately for me there was no way that I could get that through to Alice without him hearing me. If he heard me it would embarrass him greatly and I didn't want to draw attention to something he was clearly ashamed of.

As we pulled off into the town, his grip on my hand tightened and he closed his eyes, leaning his head against the window, his breathing steady and deep. He was trying to calm himself down. I had seen this after he had had nightmares and like all of those times, I wanted to be able to wipe away the stress and pain he was feeling.

"Come on everyone." She chirped, climbing out of the car. Jasper quickly followed suit as he normally did, not wanting to anger the little fey he called his wife.

Edward and I climbed out of the car at a slower rate and I wrapped my arms around his waist as he closed the door, hearing the beeping as Alice locked it.

"Are you okay?" I whispered and he looked down at me, something swimming behind his eyes. I had the distinct feeling that he was feeling scared and slightly panicked. I wouldn't blame him in the slightest.

"I think so." He breathed, his arms wrapping around me, hugging me close. "I think I'll be alright."

"If you're sure." I wanted to make sure that he really was going to be okay. "If you need to we can tell Alice that we're going to head straight to Forks and that she and Jasper can ride with Em and Rose the rest of the way."

"Yeah," he snorted, shaking his head. "Because she'll love you for that."

"I don't care what she thinks or does." I told him honestly and he looked down at me again, probably what the hell had happened to make me suicidal. "All that matters to me is that you're okay."

He looked at me, his eyes wide and imploring, searching my face for something. "Thank you." He whispered, pressing his lips to my forehead. I melted into him, loving the moment and hating the pixie that shattered it.

"Come on, you two!" She whined and we both turned to face her. If Edward's glare was anything like mine, she should have been dust right about then. She jumped forward, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards one of the shops, pointing something out.

"Alice." A small part of me was glad she had dragged me away from Edward, because I didn't want to say what I was about to in front of him. I knew it was slightly wrong of me, but I had to make sure she knew what was going on. "Why did you think coming here was a good idea?"

"There are some things I needed to get for Mom before we headed to Forks." She shrugged, not seeming to understand where I was going.

"Might not have been the best idea." I motioned with my eyes to where Edward and Jasper were talking. "Edward hasn't been back here since . . ." I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. Hell, I could barely think it, let alone put words to it.

"Oh, my God." Her hands flew to her mouth as a look of horror passed over her face. "Oh shit! I completely forgot! I didn't even think that he hadn't been back here! Is he alright? We should go. I can't believe I didn't think of how it would be for him. I'm the world's shittest sister!"

"Alice, calm down!" I stopped her flapping before people started to notice her little fit. "You're not the world's shittest sister, okay. It slipped your mind. Things do. He says he's alright for the moment, but if he starts feeling uncomfortable or anything like that, I'm grabbing those keys and we're getting the hell out of here. You and Jasper can ride the rest of the way with Em and Rose." She nodded quickly, her eyes glistening slightly. I knew she felt bad about not remembering Edward's fear of this town, but to be fair, once shopping crossed her mind nothing else mattered. Jasper could be standing there naked doing some sort of rain dance and she wouldn't notice. "Maybe . . . maybe it'll be good for him, you know? Help him to face his demons a little bit. Not too far, but just enough."

"I don't want him to be . . ." She sniffed, shaking her head. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before looking at me again. "You're sure he's alright?"

"He says he is." I let out a breath. "Thankfully, I know when he's pushing himself though. When he's freaking. I've seen it enough, remember?" She nodded, obviously remembering the epic freak-out he'd had leading up to the reveal of what had happened to him that day in my apartment. "It'll be okay."

We made our way back to the boys, who looked at us curiously. I gave Edward a grin, kissing his jaw lightly. He raised an eyebrow and I winked at him, completely throwing him off. His brow furrowed and I knew he was trying to work me out. Thankfully, I was the only person Edward never seemed to be able to read. Others, it was like he was a mind-reader, knowing what was going through their minds at that point in time. Me, on the other hand, he told me I was like a closed book, one he was longing to read, yet could never quite reach.

"Shall we go?" I looked over at Alice, who nodded, leading Jasper quickly down one of the streets.

"What was that about?" Edward asked as we followed the two of them at a slower pace.

"Girl stuff." I replied cryptically and he let out a low chuckle followed by an 'uh-huh'. He hated it when I avoided his questions, just as I did when he avoided mine.

Rose and Emmett joined us halfway down the street, laughing at how Alice was dragging Jasper along behind her. Emmett and Edward found it hilarious that he wasn't actually putting up a fight.

It was around two hours later that Alice finally slowed down. We were just round the corner from one of the larger music stores when she deemed that she had everything she needed and that it was probably best we head off again.

"Come on, this is the quickest way." She motioned for us to follow. None of us doubted her, knowing that she knew this place like the back of her hand.

Edward had been calm throughout the whole Alice-shopping-ordeal. I would have thought that he would have been a little more tense, considering the memories this place held for him, but I knew that I shouldn't really have worried.

We were rounding the corner, laughing at Alice trying to find the keys to the rental when Edward froze, inhaling deeply, sharply.

I stopped turning to look at him as he stood there, wondering if he was okay. His eyes were flicking from the music store to an alley not too far up ahead. His breathing was getting shallower, more erratic and the others had stopped, watching closely to what was happening.

"Edward, are you-" Realisation dawned in my head as I looked at where we were. "Shit." How could we have been so stupid? He had told me that when he had been attacked, he had just come from the music store. That there had been a group of drunks hanging around the entrance to an alley a little way up the street, ambushing him as he tried to pass. "Fuck!"

"Bella, what's the matter?" How could they not realise where we were? Of course, Edward hadn't told them where it had happened, only that it was in Port Angeles. They had no idea that they were only feet away from where their brother and friend had been raped.

I looked up at Edward, placing my hands on either side of his face, trying to get him to focus on me rather than the spot he was staring at. He was fixated on the alley and I knew that was where he had been stripped of his innocence, dignity and any self respect he had all in a few moments.

"Edward?" I tried to move him, but he was bigger and stronger than me, frozen where he was. "Edward?" My voice was nothing more than a sob as I watched him. Seeing the look in his eyes I knew instantly that he wasn't with me. He was back there, on that night, seeing and feeling what had happened. He had started to shake, even though he was wearing a thick coat, gloves and such, wrapped up warm as was needed at this time of year. I knew instantly that he wasn't shaking because he was cold.

It was fear.

His breathing was out of control and he was making no attempt to try and calm down as I turned to the others gesturing for Emmett to come and help me. He understood my silent command and instantly moved towards us, coming up next to Edward as he suddenly slumped against his brother.

Emmett, not prepared for the collision, buckled slightly before looking at me, slightly panicked. He lowered himself to his knees, taking Edward with him as I turned his head gently. He had passed out and I felt the sob building in my chest.

Alice and Rose were behind me, panicking slightly, sobbing as they knelt down, trying to see what was wrong. I heard Jasper on the phone and realised he must be calling 911. I mean, someone collapses in the street and you're going to. I was just glad that it wasn't a busy street and there didn't seem to be anyone around.

"What happened?" Alice sobbed, her hands gripping at her hair as she stared at her brother, seeming to be willing him to open his eyes with her mind. "I mean, he's been okay all day. I thought that he was alright."

"Um . . ." I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, not bothering to wipe away the tears that were flowing down my cheeks. "Did he ever tell you guys where . . . it . . . happened?" They shook their heads, none of them taking their gaze off of Edward. Emmett had taken off his jacket, having rolled Edward onto his side into the recovery position, placing the jacket under his head for support. "Well . . . he told me. He was coming out of a music store when they attacked him, dragging him into an alley a little way away."

My eyes flicked from the store to the alley down the street to Edward again and a wail unlike anything I'd ever heard came from Alice as she pieced it together.

"The fuckers!" Emmett growled, gazing down at his brother, who hadn't moved at all. His breathing was still shallow and erratic and it was clear his body was trying to get more oxygen.

I heard a wail of an ambulance, proving my theory correct as his came down the street. It stopped by the curb next to us and the EMT's jumped out, coming straight over to us. They moved Emmett out of the way gently, assessing Edward.

"How long has he been out?" One of them asked me and I shook my head, trying to clear it.

"Um . . . few minutes." I replied, my voice shaky as they made the decision to take Edward to the hospital.

Watching them load him up into the ambulance was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I begged them to let me ride along with him. Surprisingly, they agreed and the others said that they would follow in the car. Considering it would only be the four of them now, taking two cars seemed redundant and a waste of time.

"Miss?" I looked over at one of the EMT's, barely seeing him through my tears. I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my jacket, sniffing. "Does he suffer from panic attacks?"

"Not that I know of." I shook my head, wondering if that's what had happened. Had he seen the place that had haunted his nightmares for the last decade and panicked.? It seemed too simple an explanation. He nodded, hooking Edward up to a monitor of some kind. As soon as it was connected a rapid beeping filled the small space. I closed my eyes, knowing it was Edward's heartbeat.

_Please be okay. Please be okay._ I willed myself to stay strong for him. It was what he needed from me right now and I had to make good on that. There wasn't much else I could do.

Actually arriving at the hospital was a blur that I hardly remember. All that had seeped through into my brain was that I wasn't allowed to go through with them while they helped Edward. I had to sit and wait for them to call us through.

Which was where I had been sitting with the others for around about an hour. I kept looking at the doors, wanting everything to be alright. For one of the doctors to come through and tell us that he was alright and that we could see him now.

The others had decided that I could go and see him first, even though I wasn't family. I couldn't thank them enough for that. Esme and Carlisle had been phoned from the car and were on their way to Port Angeles hospital now.

"Edward Cullen." We all stood up, moving towards the doctor, who looked slightly stunned at the amount of people in front of him.

"Can we see him?" I asked quietly, my voice not going any louder, my throat hoarse and sore through crying.

"Only one at a time." The others looked at me and the doctor nodded, motioning for me to follow him. I looked back at the others as I walked through the doors, seeing the members of my family hugging each other close and silent tears flowing down their cheeks.

I followed the doctor down a long corridor, stopping when he did outside a pretty generic door. He pushed the door open, motioning for me to go in. I walked through the door slowly, biting my lip to stop more tears falling as I saw Edward laying there, a heart monitor beeping at his side. He had his eyes closed and I wasn't sure whether he was still unconscious or whether he was just resting. I found the answer when his eyes opened slowly and he gazed at me, his eyes wide and full of fear.

"Oh, Edward." I quickly made my way to his side, sinking into the chair next to the bed and taking hold of his hand. I pressed my lips to his knuckles before kissing his forehead gently. "Don't do that to me again." I whispered, my lips still connected to his skin. "Don't ever do that to me again."

"I'm sorry." He whispered and I looked down to see a single tear rolling down his cheek.

"Don't be sorry." I gently brushed the tear away, cupping his jaw with my hand, running my thumb over his cheek gently. "Don't ever apologise for something you can't control." We both looked at the doctor, who was watching us closely. "Is he going to be okay?" I asked, hearing the shaking in my own voice. Edward took my hand in his own, pressing his lips to it gently.

"He's going to be fine." He nodded, giving us both a smile. "It seems that you suffered from a panic attack A severe one at that. Have you any history with panic attacks?" Edward shook his head, seeming confused. "Is there any particular reason, that you can think of, that this one happened today?"

He looked at me and I gazed back, willing him to do what he thought was best. I wasn't going to argue with him. "Um . . . there was . . . where we were . . . I was um, attacked there when I was a teenager." He took a deep breath. "I hadn't been back there since and I guess today . . ."

"Seems to match up." The doctor gave an understanding smile before explaining that he was going to keep Edward in for a while to make sure that he was okay and that he would be back in a while to check on him, leaving the two of us to ourselves.

"Your parents are on the way." I said gently and he nodded as though he had guessed this would be the case. "They're really worried about you."

"I have to tell them." He whispered gently, closing his eyes. When he opened them, they were glassy and distant. "I have to tell them what happened."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do." I told him, running my fingers through his hair as he turned to face me. He was exhausted, the strain on his body becoming too much for him to stay awake. "Sleep, love. I'll be here when you wake up."

And I was.

He slept for two hours, no doubt being drawn into the world of his nightmares. Every so often he would start to shake, whimpering slightly in his sleep and I knew it was the beginning of a nightmare. When he did so, I shook him gently, startling him out of his sleep, before he was pulled back under. It wasn't the ideal situation for him to sleep under, but it was better than nothing.

Esme and Carlisle had arrived shortly after I had been told I could see him. They were allowed through and I think the doctor understood that I was not moving for anything nor anyone until Edward was released from this place.

They had been slightly startled when he began to react to the images he was seeing inside of his head, not understanding why their baby boy was in the hospital when the last thing they had known was that he was coming home for Thanksgiving with the rest of us.

This was not the way any of us wanted to spend the holiday.

None of us could blame him though. I doubted this was how he wanted to spend his Thanksgiving.

When he eventually woke up, Carlisle and Esme were at his side immediately. He looked at me, his eyes wide and searching as he looked for something I couldn't even fathom. Courage, perhaps? I didn't think I had any of that.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, burying my face in his neck and he sighed and nodded slowly. "You don't have to do this. You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"I do." He murmured in response, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "They have a right to know. I mean, they're my parents and I'm ruining Thanksgiving so-"

"You're not ruining anything." I replied a little too sharply and he recoiled slightly. "I'm sorry. But you're not. It's not your fault." He nodded, clearly not believing me.

I stood up, pressing my lips to his, missing the feel of the rings in his lip. The nurses had taken out his piercings when he had been admitted. I wasn't sure why, but it was hospital policy. I hoped they wouldn't close up while he was in here. I know that he'd had them done for years but still. I had read somewhere that the tongue was the fastest healing part of the body and that no matter how long a piercing had been there, it could heal remarkably quickly.

And since metal was out, I had remembered the silicone bar Edward always carried with him. He seemed pleased to be able to put that in. I wondered about him sometimes but decided not to ask. Seemed to suit him just fine.

Pressing one last kiss to his lips, I made my way out into the corridor where the others were waiting. They'd been in to see him, but he had been trying to stay awake, though his body, probably still trying to replenish much of its lost energy was trying to lull him back into rest.

"What's going on?" Alice asked, standing up and making her way over to me.

I took a deep breath, looking back at the door I had just walked through, knowing that in a matter of minutes, two hearts were going to break and two worlds were going to be completely shattered.

"He's telling them." I let out a shuddered breath. "He's telling them what happened?"

"Hasn't the doctor already told them?" Rosalie asked, confused.

I shook my head, tears falling from my eyes. "No, Rose." I sniffed, trying to stay together because that's what Edward needed from me. "He's telling them what happened to him. Eleven years ago."

I looked back at the door, hoping that everyone would come out of it relatively whole yet knowing that that was a wish that would not be coming true.

Happy Thanksgiving, huh?

. . . . .


	22. Caught In A Storm

_**Disclaimer: **__**Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. I did however hear on the radio this morning that dear old Rob got bitten by a lion with no teeth on the set of his new movie. Kind of made me giggle. He got 'gummed' by a lion. Lol. I'm going to go now.**_

**_WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SCENES OF EXTREME VIOLENCE AND RAPE. IF YOU FIND THESE SCENES DISTURBING IN ANY WAY AT ALL, DISCONTINUE THE READING OF THIS CHAPTER._**

**_Yup, you're finding out what happened to Edward in Port Angeles._**

'_There's a mass without roofs  
There's a prison to fill  
There's a countrys soul that reads post no bills  
There's a strike and a line of cops outside of tha mill  
There's a right to obey  
And a right to kill_

_There's a mass without roofs  
There's a prison to fill  
There's a countrys soul that reads post no bills  
There's a strike and a line of cops outside of tha mill  
There's a right to obey  
And there's a right to kill!'_

_Calm Like A Bomb – Rage Against the Machine._

_"He's telling them." I let out a shuddered breath. "He's telling them what happened?"_

_"Hasn't the doctor already told them?" Rosalie asked, confused._

_I shook my head, tears falling from my eyes. "No, Rose." I sniffed, trying to stay together because that's what Edward needed from me. "He's telling them what happened to him. Eleven years ago."_

_I looked back at the door, hoping that everyone would come out of it relatively whole yet knowing that that was a wish that would not be coming true._

_Happy Thanksgiving, huh?_

_**Edward**_

I watched as Bella left the room, wanting nothing more than to have her next to me, telling me that I didn't have to do this. I knew I did, though. It wasn't fair to my parents for them not to know, when it was so blatantly obvious that everyone else did.

It was going to kill them and I didn't know if I could handle that.

"Edward, sweetheart." My mom walked over to where Bella had been sitting moments before, placing a hand on top of mine. I looked at her, seeing a scared and confused expression on her face, tears clouding her eyes. "What's going on, honey?" She reached up and ran her fingers through my hair, trying to soothe me and calm me down. Little did she know what I was thinking about.

"I have to tell you something." I whispered and she and dad sat close together, watching me. "I have to tell you what happened."

"The doctor told us, sweetie." My mom smiled at me, squeezing my hand gently. "You had a panic attack."

"No." I shook my head at her misunderstanding. "Not what happened today." I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and resting my head back on the pillow behind me. "What happened to . . . to make me leave."

"What, sweetheart?" My mom squeezed my hand again and my father was sitting there staring at me as though I might disappear given half the chance. I won't lie, I would have liked to. "What happened?"

"Before I tell you, I need you to let me get through it all." I looked down at my hands before glancing up at my parents. "It's just . . . hard."

"Okay, honey." She whispered as my dad nodded seeming at a loss for words.

I let out a breath, closing my eyes again, knowing that it was now or never.

_11 years previous_

_17__th__ June_

_I hadn't realised how dark it had gotten as I'd been inside the store. I was now beginning to understand what people were talking about when they said I was music obsessed._

_It wasn't my fault that there was so much to choose from and experience when it came to the musical world. Something so familiar can change even the tiniest bit, and become something completely different, and yet still as beautiful and meaningful. Different experiences, opinions and view points, so many different situations, emotions and messages can be conveyed through musical means. It was unlike anything else in the world._

_And people didn't really understand why I loved it so much._

_It was like asking Bella why she loves to lose herself in books, or why Rosalie loves to escape everything by meddling with the engine of someone's car. Why Jasper loves anything to do with the Civil War – even though, to me that _is_ weird – or Emmett loves football, or even how Alice loves to lose herself in the latest news in the fashion world._

_Those were their passions._

_Music was mine._

_It was something I had grown up with my entire life. I don't remember not being able to play the piano. It was one of the only things I truly loved doing with my time, other than being with my friends and when I was at school or work that is._

_The piano was my escape from the trivial pursuits of the world._

_Also, it wasn't my fault that the store was open ridiculously late for those obsessive types like me._

_As I made my way towards my Volvo, which was parked on the next street, I noticed that I had to pass a group of men, who appeared to be completely out of it. And I don't think that it was just drink that they were intoxicated on._

_I tried to walk as far over as I could, eager to get past them and into the safe confines of my car._

_But it appeared that they had other ideas._

_Before I knew what was happening, I was on the ground, not having noticed the foot that had flown out in front of my own._

_As I hit the ground, the sound of laughter filled the air around me and I felt my cheeks heating up with the embarrassment. I got to my knees, gathering up all of the music that I had purchased at the store, which had scattered around me as I'd fallen. I reached out to grab one of the CDs when a foot suddenly slammed down on my hand, making me yell out in pain._

_The sound of laughter filled the air again as the heavy boot on my hand pressed my hand further into the sidewalk and twisted, adding more and more pain to my already screaming hand._

"_Well, what have we got here?" Someone else leaned down and picked up one of the other CDs that I hadn't been able to grab. "Looks like we've got a little rich boy here, boys."_

"_Sure does." Another one of them said and I could sense them surrounding me. I couldn't see how fighting back would help me. Actually, it would probably piss them off even more and that would cost me even more. If this was a game to them, what would they do if they were truly pissed off? I didn't want to know the answer to that question._

_The bag of music that I had in my free hand suddenly disappeared and was promptly emptied over the sidewalk, to more rounds of laughter. The foot released my hand and I instinctively clutched it to my chest, attempting and failing to relieve the pain._

_It was then that another foot collided with my side with such a force and angle that I flipped over, landing painfully on my back._

"_Now, what would a little rich boy like you be doing here at this time of night?" I opened my eyes to see one of them towering over me. He reached down and grabbed the front of my shirt, pulling me up and effectively putting me back on my feet. "I asked you a question, rich boy."_

_He didn't give me time to reply before his forehead made contact with my nose to more rounds of laughter. I heard and felt something snap and I knew that he'd probably broken my nose. I couldn't even fall to the floor like I had before, because he still had my shirt clutched in his hands._

"_He thinks he's too good to give us an answer." One of the others sneered. I could smell the alcohol on this guy's breath and it made me want to hurl. I knew there was a reason I didn't drink often, and this was it. It made people gross and violent, sick and twisted. The only time I did drink was when it was someone's birthday, Christmas or New Years. Call me a square, but I'd prefer that to behaving like this any time._

"_Too good, huh?" The guy holding me growled before his fist let go of my shirt and came into contact with my face._

_He didn't hold onto my shirt this time and I fell backwards, to yet more laughter._

_I rolled onto my side, spitting out the blood that had accumulated in my mouth before another foot came into contact with my side._

_I knew that if I didn't get out of here now, they could very well kill me. And for what? I hadn't done anything wrong. They were just out of it and looking for a victim._

_They'd found one._

"_Trying to get away, huh?" I heard one of them laugh, landing another blow to my ribs, causing me to yell out yet again._

"_Oh, no you don't." I felt a hand grab the back of my shirt yanking me back up, and I felt a searing pain in my side. "You ain't going nowhere." He sneered in my ear._

_I bit down on my lip, hard enough to draw blood, so they wouldn't have hear me shouting out in pain as I had done earlier. That seemed to be what drove them on in their attack, but I knew that my staying silent wouldn't deter them._

_My head fell down as I clenched my eyes closed, willing it to stop, willing the pain to go away, when the pain in my side increased. The pain and fear was overwhelming my senses and I knew that there was a very good chance that I could be killed right here and no one would know until someone found me._

_I opened my eyes slowly, hoping that it would stop soon, when I saw the reason for the excruciating pain in my side. I clenched my eyes closed again, unable to keep the image of the knife in my side, or the shout of pain as the pressure on it increased at bay._

"_I don't think he's having fun." The guy holding me said to the others. "Are you guys having fun?"_

"_Not enough." Another laughed, walking up behind the guy holding me and grabbing my hair, yanking my head up fiercely._

_I didn't know how much more of this I could take._

_I winced as I felt the knife being taken out of my side. You would have thought that it would create a reprieve but all it did was allow blood to seep through to my shirt, coating my side in it._

_They let go of my hair and the guy holding me forcefully pushed me down onto the sidewalk. How could there be nobody else around at all? There had to be someone around._

_Anybody._

_Please?_

_I felt my cheek scrape against the sidewalk as I went down, hearing their laughter again, my humiliation growing with every second. I pushed myself up, so that I wasn't lying on the ground anymore and that just seemed to make them laugh even more._

_I felt a dull throb in my ankle and knew that there was even less of a chance of me getting away from this now. It was most likely that I had injured my ankle when he pushed me down, twisting it as I impacted with the sidewalk. What more could they do to me?_

"_You know, this kid's probably nothing more than a stuck-up fucking bitch with a silver spoon up his ass." That was the voice of the guy that had stabbed me. I was kneeling now, sitting in the middle of the ring they'd formed around me. One of them stepped forward and grabbed my hair. "Might as well show him that that means jack shit in the real world." He yanked my head up and shoved his denim covered crotch into my face. I tried to turn away, but his grip increased in my hair as he held my head in place. It was then that I realised something incredibly disturbing._

_He was hard._

_I shoved him away from me, trying to get my breath back, resting my hands on the concrete beneath me. I hadn't even managed to take a breath before there was a hand around my throat, another one on my shoulder, forcing me backwards. I landed on the concrete, my head nearly cracking with the force of the impact._

"_You think that you can push me away, huh?" His face was right above mine and if I'd thought I was scared before, it had nothing on how I was feeling now. This guy looked insane enough to actually kill me. I tried to get away from him, but only having one hand that I could use, I found it difficult and he shoved me down again. "Where are you going?" He grinned down at me, kneeling down and straddling me. What the fuck was he doing? "You're not going anywhere. Not until you realise that you're not the one in control here. You don't get a say."_

_His hand came underneath me, gripping my ass painfully and my brain registered what he was going to do. He wasn't going to kill me. _

_At least not yet._

_He was going to rape me first._

_My body finally decided it was going to listen to my head as I tried to get away from him. The others started laughing as he palmed himself through his jeans, watching as they moved around us. Were they just going to let him do this to me? That was the impression I got as he unbuttoned my jeans moving the zipper down quickly._

"_Turn him over for me, would ya?" No. They weren't going to watch._

_They were going to help._

_One of them grabbed my arms, the others grabbing my legs to stop me from kicking out at them. It didn't matter how much I fought against them, they overpowered me, turning me so that I was now trapped on my front, arms held down by my head._

_I felt him hook his fingers into the waistband of my jeans and yank them down. He grabbed my ass painfully and I cried out, wanting this whole thing to be a nightmare._

"_No! Stop it, please!" I knew my pleas were falling on deaf ears, but I had to try. I had to try and stop this from happening. _

_I was trapped as he ripped my underwear away from my body, my screams, pleas and crying not enough to get him to stop as I felt him press himself against me. He grabbed my hips and yanked me towards him, the others moving with him as I tried to get away, failing completely. He moved his legs under my thighs, making it easier for himself as he held me in place._

_The pain was unbearable as he forced his way inside me. I tried to get away from him, struggling against those that held me down. I didn't understand how people could do this to someone else. How they could allow someone to violate another person in this way._

"_Jesus Christ!" He groaned, forcing more of himself inside me, panting lightly. "So fucking . . . so fucking tight." He thrust himself the rest of the way inside me and I couldn't contain the scream of pain equalising that that ran through my body._

_He started to thrust in and out of me, ignoring my cries and pleas, mumbling something about fucking stuck up bitches and being in control. I continued to struggle as his thrusts became shorter and harder and in my case, more and more painful. My body was screaming out in agony and I found myself wishing to pass out just so I could escape. I don't think that would matter to them. I just wouldn't be attempting to fight back._

"_Fuck, dude!" The guy holding my arms down was staring at what was happening in front of him. His eyes were glued to where I knew he was watching the guy's dick sliding in and out of me. He replaced one of his hands with his knee, the pressure on my wrist almost enough to distract me from what was happening. Not enough though._

_His eyes stared, transfixed on what I guessed was my ass as he ran his palm over his crotch, moaning loudly at the contact. He slid his hand into his pants, unzipping them and fisting himself in his hand. Oh, God. He was going to jerk off watching someone being raped._

"_You've gotta let me have some of that." He panted, holding himself tightly right above my head._

"_When I'm finished." He growled, his grip on my hips tightening as his thrusts quickened. He leaned over me and I could feel his body running the length of mine. "What about you, rich boy? You want his dick in your ass as well? Or maybe, we should get him to fuck your mouth while _I_ fuck your ass again. Huh? How about that?"_

_He didn't move away from me after snarling the words in my ear. He stayed pressed against me, stopping me from moving at all as he grunted and groaned in my ear. The guy above me had stopped moving his hand, just holding himself as he watched what was happening in front of him._

"_He wants in here, you know?" He hissed in my ear. "Should I let him? Should I let him _fuck_ you in the ass as well?"_

"_No." I sobbed, trying to shake my head, but he had placed a hand on the side of my head, crushing the side of my face into the ground beneath me. "No, no, no."_

"_Tough shit." He slammed into me four times more before stilling and I could feel his release inside me. He was pulsing and twitching, the hot fluid filling me and I had never been so humiliated in my life. After he had finished. he yanked himself out of me standing up and gesturing to someone else. "All yours."_

"_No!" I couldn't go through that again. It was too much._

_I cried out as someone else forced his way inside me, groaning and stilling immediately, resting his head in the middle of my back, panting. "Jesus fuck!" I could feel his breath on my back as I sobbed wanting to know the answer to one question:_

_Why me?_

_Why did they choose me to hurt?_

_Why did they decide that it would be my life they would ruin?_

_Just . . . why?_

"_You said he was tight . . . but you didn't say that he was tighter than a fucking virgin tight." The guy muttered, his breath soaking into my shirt. He started to move and I felt my body starting to shake. Whether it was because of the way he was moving or the fact that my body couldn't take anymore._

_I don't know how long it went on for or how many times each of them violated me. It was as though I had mentally checked out. I knew that I should have been struggling against them, that I should have been calling out for some kind of help, but I wasn't. I didn't have the capacity or the energy to do that anymore._

_I had been trying to get away._

_And I had failed._

_I could hear them laughing and jeering about how they'd broken the rich boy and showed him what he deserved but it was as though someone had wrapped my head in cotton wool and the sound was only partially coming through._

_I could hear the comments and laughter getting further away from me as someone smacked my ass before getting off of me. I just lay there, waiting for the next assault to start, letting out a breath when nothing happened._

_It was over._

_I opened my eyes to find that I was alone and the relief that spread through me was nothing I had ever felt before._

_It was finally over._

_Looking to the side of me I saw that my cell phone was still lying on the ground where I had dropped it. It was out in the main street area whereas I had been pulled into an alley out of the way of others who could call the cops or at least stop them._

_I took a deep breath, forcing any strength I had left into my arms to lift myself up. It wasn't working so well but I managed to get my arms to support me. Using my arms to pull myself along because the rest of me just wouldn't work, I reached out for my cell phone. I only had a little reception, but that was enough._

_I hit 911 on the keypad, and held it up to my ear, or as close as I could get._

"_911 what's your emergency?" A female voice called out through the receiver._

_I couldn't find the words to explain what had happened to me, only able to utter out a pathetic sounding "help" as the phone fell to the ground next to me._

"_Sir? Sir? I need you to tell me where you are so I can send someone to help you." Her voice was calm and steady but urgent at the same time. It wouldn't have surprised me if she had hung up by now. Surely they had a lot of prank calls, even considering the job they do._

"_Music store." My voice sounded pathetically frail, even to my ears. "Charity St. Please help me."_

"_Okay sir, we've got people coming out to you right now." It sounded strange her calling me sir after what I had just been through. I felt the darkness swirling around me and knew it was something to do with the amount of blood that I'd lost. I closed my eyes, letting it take over my senses as I heard the woman on the end of the phone repeating the word 'sir' at me. I wanted to respond as I heard the wail of a siren coming closer to me but I couldn't. I could only fall into the darkness._

I couldn't look at my parents as I finished telling them what happened. "After I blacked out, I woke up in the hospital, they told me what they'd done, the kit and having to . . . to put me back together. I don't really remember what happened after that."

My mother had started sobbing a while ago and I had to drown her out to carry on. From the level of her sobs, I was surprised that security hadn't come in by now, or at least a doctor to make sure that everything was okay. Clearly was not.

Suddenly, my dad launched himself off of the bed and into the small bathroom that was adjoined onto my room. I closed my eyes, hating this as I heard him retching into the toilet.

"We have to find them." My mom whispered, shaking her head before looking at me. "We have to find who did this to you."

"Mom." I sighed, looking away from her and towards dad who had reappeared in the doorway, looking paler than a ghost and as though he wanted to destroy something with his bare hands. "They can't do that now. It was eleven years ago, they don't even have the results of the kit anymore."

"But we have to-"

"Mom, please." Even I barely heard the silent plea for her to stop, that it was too much for me to handle at the moment. The two of them were the only ones, besides Bella, that knew exactly what had happened to me. "I can't."

"Sweetheart." She placed her hand on my cheek, wiping away the tears that were falling. She did nothing to stop her own tears from falling as she sat there, looking for the world like she was going to shatter. My dad sat next to her, his hand on my leg gently, his expression thankful for me not pushing him away. In all honesty, I didn't want to. I knew now what my seventeen year old brain didn't know when I got home from Port Angeles all those years ago.

"Mom, could you get Bella please?" I asked and she nodded, sniffing again before taking a tissue out of her pocket. "I just, um . . . I really need her."

"I know." She smiled, though I could tell it was forced. She stood up, if somewhat shakily and made her way towards the door.

Looking at my dad I saw the he too had tears running down his cheeks. "It's why I didn't come down for Thanksgiving." I whispered softly and he looked at me confused. His features showed understanding as he heard my words. "I was scared." I knew he wanted me to explain and it was the least I could do after everything I had put them through. "I couldn't go down and face all those people. I just couldn't do it. I knew that you would be pissed at me but, I couldn't do it."

"You don't have to say anything, Edward." He sighed, shaking his head. He stood up, walking up next to me and sitting down on the bed next to my hip. "I'm sorry I didn't press. I'm sorry I didn't get you to tell me what was wrong."

"You would have felt guilty if you'd pushed too much." I said softly and he nodded, knowing that it was true. "Don't."

"What?"

"Blame yourself." I whispered, looking away from him. "There was nothing you could do about it. Even if you knew, it wouldn't turn back time, it wouldn't erase what had happened to me. All it would have done is told me that there was one more person who knew how pathetic I was. What I'd let them do to me."

"Edward." He placed his finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him. Why is it this man always had the ability to make me feel like a six year old being scolded? Maybe it's just because that's his job as a dad. "From what you told us, you didn't _let_ anything happen to you. There wasn't a way you could have stopped it." He held up a finger to stop me from answering him. "Don't say anything, young man."

"Don't you think he's a little old to be 'young man'?" I turned my head to see Bella standing there, my mom next to her. She walked over to me, sitting on the opposite side to Carlisle and pressed her lips to mine gently. "I'm so proud of you."

"Speaking of age, there was a girl in the ER a week ago and guess how old she thought I was." He sounded quite proud as he sat there looking slightly smug. We all shook our heads, laughing slightly at his expression. "She said that the oldest I could possibly be was thirty-eight."

"Wow." I nodded as Bella giggled. "What did she say when you told her how old you really are?"

"I didn't." He shook his head and mom flashed him a look that told me to beware. "I just told her that my youngest child was twenty-seven."

"So unless she believes that you were eleven when you had Alice and me, I think she realises you're not thirty-eight." _Can't argue with that._

"Exactly." He grinned at me, wrapping his arms around my mom. "So now she knows that I'm too old for her, have children _and_ I didn't have to give her my real age."

"Bet she's not too happy." Bella sat up on the bed, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on her shoulder and she pressed her nose into my hair. My parents were watching us as we sat there, unreadable expressions on their faces.

"I don't really care." He shrugged. "I have my beautiful wife, my gorgeous children and I guess the only thing that would make everything more complete would be to have some grandbabies running around."

"Uh-huh." I rolled my eyes as Bella giggled. "You can look to the married ones for that one."

"You don't want kids?" Bella asked, looking down at me, a slight disappointment on her face. What did that mean? Did she want to have kids with me? I glanced at my parents and she nodded, understanding this was not really a conversation I wanted to have with them in the room.

Was I ready to have that conversation?

Were _we_ ready to have that conversation?

I closed my eyes, leaning against Bella again, inhaling her scent as though I was an addict who needed his fix. Though I wouldn't have any qualms about admitting I was addicted to Bella.

"We'll leave you to get some sleep." My mom whispered, as they got off the bed. She pressed a kiss to my forehead and my dad squeezed my shoulder before they slipped out of the room.

"You want me to go?" Bella asked quietly and I slipped my arms around her waist, pulling her to me closely.

"Never." I looked up at her to find her biting her lip gently. I reached up, running my thumb across her bottom lip before pulling it out from between her teeth. "What's the matter?"

"I know this probably isn't the right time, but what did you mean about looking to the married couples for children?" Her eyes were wide as though I was going to bite her head off. "Do you not want children?"

I took a deep breath, thinking through my answer. "Someday, yeah, I think I do. But I have a lot of shit to work out before I can get to that place. I know that financially and all that I'm doing alright-" I stopped as she snorted slightly. A very unladylike sound, I can assure you. "What?"

"'Doing alright'?" She smirked at me, shaking her head. "Edward, you're doing more than alright. Even without the trust fund, you're doing better than a lot of people out there."

"Yeah, but that's not what matters to me." I shrugged, looking up at her to find a slightly sad expression on her face. "I have a lot to work through in myself before I'm ready for kids."

"I know." She sighed, pressing her lips to my forehead. "When you said that I thought that kids was a no go area for you."

"Bella." I sat up slightly and she looked at me, slightly alarmed. I held up a hand to show her that I was alright. "I _do_ want kids, just not right now. Maybe in a couple of years or so, I don't know, maybe sooner. And Bella?" She hummed in response, her fingers playing with my hair gently. "When I do have kids, I want them to be with you."

"You do?" Her response was whisper quiet. So quiet I couldn't be sure I'd heard it. I nodded and she grinned. "Good, because I don't plan on being out of your life at all anytime . . . ever."

"Good." She laughed and I was glad that we were okay. "Though, I hope you realise that any kids of mine are going to be hellions and we're going to be constantly called into school because they've told their teachers to fuck the hell off. You know that, right?"

"I am well aware." She rolled her eyes, before her lips met mine in a brief, yet intense kiss. "Your parents seemed to take it okay."

"Are you kidding?" I laughed, looking up at her again. "You've known them how long and you still don't get how they work?" She shrugged, clearly not getting where I was coming from. "When they get bad news, they take it in stride while they're in public, yet when they get home there's crying and screaming and occasionally things get thrown."

"Oh yeah." She mumbled, smiling at the memories that she had been granted from the Cullen household. "Get some sleep. It's been a hard day."

I nodded, closing my eyes and letting out a breath through my nose. She settled down next to me, holding me tightly to her. Who cared if the hospital bed was too small to fit both of us comfortably? All that mattered to me was that I had Bella there with me.

. . . . . . . .

The doctors thought that it would be best to keep me in overnight, which fucked me the hell off because it meant that I wouldn't be out of here until midmorning Thanksgiving.

Bella didn't leave me the entire time and while I knew that the hospital staff weren't exactly in approval, they knew that I was the son of Carlisle Cullen and didn't want to challenge him at all.

It didn't matter that this wasn't the hospital he worked in. He held a lot of sway either way.

After signing myself out, I saw that it was only Carlisle waiting for me and Bella. I was glad because the fact that I had to be in a wheelchair as I left the building was a little more than embarrassing. Especially when I could walk absolutely fine. Goddamn hospital insurance crap.

Getting back to the house, it was about ten in the morning and everyone was rushing around. Renee and Charlie were there, Renee helping my mom, Alice and Rose in the kitchen and Charlie sitting with Emmett, Jasper and now my dad in the living room watching the game.

"Hey, Ed." Emmett gave me a small smile as I walked through the door. "How're you doing?"

"Better." I nodded, noticing the glare that Charlie gave me as he turned around. He really wasn't happy with me being here, was he?

"Screw him." Bella whispered in my ear and I looked down to see her smirking slightly. "If he can't deal then that's his problem."

I sighed, shaking my head before Bella took my hand and led me towards the stairs. "Let me guess, my old room?" She nodded, smiling slightly.

I felt my nerves reappearing as we ascended towards the third floor. This had been the last room I'd seen before I'd left. There had been so many dark memories in this room. Memories of nights sleep lost due to nightmares, fights and screaming matches between my siblings and I, my father's first and only act of violence towards me and the final fight between Emmett and I. I could still hear the screaming, the words he'd shouted at me that spurred me into action and made me finally leave this godforsaken place.

"Are you okay?" Bella's soft voice pulled me out of my memories and back to the present. It was only then that I realised we were standing outside my old bedroom door.

I nodded, taking hold of the handle and turning it. The door swung open as naturally and soundlessly as it always had done. I was thinking that they'd be creaking by now. But of course my mother wouldn't allow anything in the house creak in any way.

I felt my jaw drop as I took in the room.

It was _exactly_ the way I left it. Minus the lamp on the floor, that is. If the room hadn't been so clear of dust I would have thought that no one had been in here since I'd left. But again, my mother would never allow anything to get dusty in this house.

"Your mom was kind of holding out hope that you would come back." Bella sighed, wrapping her arms around my waist from behind me. "She wouldn't let anyone else in here. She was the only one to come in here since the moment she closed the door after they found out you left. She normally keeps it locked."

"Why?" I couldn't fathom my mother's reasoning.

"Because she wanted a link to her baby." She whispered, pressing a kiss to my back. "She didn't want anything to be moved or taken in case you came back."

"You would have thought she'd let go eventually." I sighed and Bella shook her head, walking to stand in front of me, her fingers trailing up and down my arms. "I mean . . . after a few years, you would have thought she'd realise I wasn't coming back."

"Don't you get it?" She laughed, shaking her head again, her long mahogany waves moving around her shoulders as she moved. "You're standing here, aren't you? You're standing in your old bedroom, right?" I nodded, fucking confused as hell. "You _did_ come back. That's all she ever wanted."

"I know." I sighed, pulling her close to me and sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I know. And now I feel shit about it."

"Don't." She whispered, her lips connecting with my jaw. "You weren't ready to come back. You wouldn't have been right coming back before now. You weren't ready."

"I _still_ don't think I'm ready and I'm actually sitting here." I laughed, letting out a breath, looking up as a small knock sounded on the door. "Hey, Rose."

"Hey," she gave the two of us a small smile. "Esme says that lunch will be ready in about forty minutes."

"Thanks." She left without another word, giving us the space we so desperately needed. "I want to get rid of the hospital smell." She nodded, wrinkling her nose. "Shower with me?"

"We can't do anything." She raised an eyebrow and I nodded, knowing that we couldn't. "I mean it, we can't have sex. Not in your shower."

"Not right now in my shower anyway." I muttered, crushing my lips to hers before I pulled away from her and closed the door to my bedroom, locking it so that we weren't interrupted. "But don't forget about later."

"You are incorrigible." She laughed, taking the hand I offered her. We made our way over to my en suite, where my mom had laid out fresh towels and toiletries for us to use. Bella quickly pulled out a hair tie, doing some funny hand movements with her hair in her hands and it was all tied up. I pouted at her and she laughed. "I don't need to wash it, which saves time." She ran her hand through my hair and giggled. "I think you need to wash yours though."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes, pulling her to me and closing the door.

I slowly pulled her t-shirt up over her head, wanting her hair to flow around her shoulders as it normally did. She unbuttoned my shirt, pushing it off of my shoulders as I unclasped her bra, kissing the bare skin of her collarbone as I did so. She was so luscious that I didn't think I could withstand her for much longer. I knew I couldn't have her now. There wasn't enough time.

And the fact that my and her parents were downstairs made it just . . . ew.

Undressing each other in this way was sensual in a way that undressing each other leading up to intimacy wasn't. There was a level of vulnerability about this act, about seeing each other bare without the promise of something more to follow.

Of course no one sent that memo to my dick.

He was still trying to get at Bella every time he could.

I wish he'd get the hint.

"Got a little problem there?" She giggled as she pressed herself to me, wrapping her hands around the back of my neck.

"Uh-huh." I rolled my eyes and she pressed her lips to my jaw before pulling me to her in a harsh kiss.

"I miss the rings." She sighed, pulling away and running her fingers over the holes that were generally home to my snakebites. I didn't think they would be appropriate for Thanksgiving dinner. "I wish you could put them back in." She pouted at me and if it wasn't the cutest fucking thing in the world.

"Later." I promised, kissing her forehead.

We washed each other, making sure neither of us missed a spot on the other. Bella washed my hair and I swear I nearly came from the sensation of her short nails scratching lightly at my scalp. I moaned and she giggled lightly, telling me no. Way to put a downer on the situation.

We made sure that we were out of the shower before anyone decided they were going to start knocking on the door. Namely, Charlie, considering everyone else - except Renee – knew what a stressful day or so it had been for the two of us. I was sure they would leave us alone.

For now at least.

Bella went down before I did, saying that she wanted to at least help with lunch. My mom and the others had told her not to worry about it, but I remembered how involved Bella would always get come Thanksgiving. That was a side of her that would never change.

She loved being in the kitchen.

Dressing in a pair of black slacks and a dark green shirt, I couldn't help but look at myself in the mirror.

"Very strapping." I turned to see Rose giggling as she stood in my doorway.

"I look like a douche." I turned back to my reflection and she nodded, walking over to me I looked down at my sleeves before unbuttoning the cuffs and rolling them up to just below my elbows, loosening the tie around my neck and opening the top button on the shirt. "Much better."

"Yeah." She grinned. "More you." She looked up at me as she stood slightly behind me, watching me in the mirror. "Bella told us what you did at the hospital." She said softly after a few moments of silence. I turned to look at her and she had tears building in her eyes. "That was brave. Especially after what you'd been through already yesterday. I don't know if I would have had the strength to do that."

"I owed it to them, Rose." I sighed, running my hands through my hair. My mom would fuss over it as she always did, taking about half an hour to concede defeat and leave it alone. Not that anything anyone ever did with the monstrosity growing on my head ever worked anyway. We had tried cutting it short once and let me say, that is never happening again. I'd prefer it to be unmanageable at all rather than the short and fluffy mess it turned into. "And besides, it's not Thanksgiving without drama, is it?"

"Stop it," she sighed, rolling her eyes and I knew she was taking this hard. "Your parents have just taken this huge blow to the heart and now they're here, hosting everything. They haven't even had time to grieve."

"Grieve about what?" I asked, slightly confused at what she was getting at. Call me dense, but whatever. "I'm still here."

"They've just found out that something horrific happened to their baby boy." She chuckled weakly, shrugging at me. I shook my head, knowing it was true. Alice may have only been six minutes older than me but I was seen as the baby of the family. I'd gotten used to it. "Even if the person is still with them, the person they've always known is gone. You lost your innocence that night, Edward and no one knew it. And they've only just found out. They're trying to act like everything is normal, when for them, their whole world has been practically blown apart. I'm not saying all this to make you feel like shit, because Lord knows, you do that enough for all of us." I rolled my eyes at her comment and she laughed. "They lost their baby boy that night, Edward. And they didn't even realise it."

I knew what she was saying. I had been through all of this in my own head. I knew that my parents had to get used to the idea of me not being who I was when I left.

But nothing could have prepared me for actually telling them the truth about what happened in Port Angeles.

"Oh, and dinner's ready." She giggled, walking out of the room as I slipped on my dress shoes and followed her. I saw her disappearing into the kitchen again, where the men were banished from. I felt slightly offended at that, considering I could cook as well as any of them. Not that I wanted to be in a room with my mother, Renee, Rose and Alice gossiping about the guys, but I would be close to Bella, so that would have made it worth the torture.

I made my way towards the living room, hearing the others speaking in hushed voices. Stopping just at the doorway, I knew it was wrong of me to eavesdrop, but I had a feeling I didn't want to hear this conversation.

"I just want to know what's going on." That was Charlie and he sounded frustrated. No doubt bitching about Bella and my relationship again. Jeez, let go of the 'Daddy Strings' would you. "It's obvious that everyone else knows and I want to know what kind of man my daughter is involved with." Yup. Told you.

"Charlie, I don't really appreciate you talking about my brother like that." Thank you, Emmett. "Now, we understand you want to know why Edward left in the way he did, and that the reasons we've given you aren't enough, but if you want to know the truth, you're going to have to ask Edward. It's not our story to tell." Could I have asked for a better big brother at the moment?

Now I just had to figure out how to dodge Charlie.

"Though approaching Edward today or anytime soon isn't going to be a good idea." I heard Jasper add in and I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. They really were the best friends a guy could ask for. "He's just come out of the hospital and we don't really want him to end back there."

"What's going on?" I jumped slightly at the sound of my father's voice, whispering in my ear.

"I know it's wrong to eavesdrop, but . . ." I glanced in the direction of the living room and back to my dad. "Charlie's grilling them about me. He's worried about my relationship with Bella." I held up a hand, telling him to stop when he went to walk into the room and set Charlie straight. "I wanna know what happens." He grinned at me and I could tell that we were alright. The topic of conversation last night wouldn't be raised between us today and for that I was thankful. I think he was as well.

"Look, I just want to know that my daughter is safe." Charlie sighed and I could picture his moustache twitching as he ran his hands through his hair, letting them drop in front of him. "I don't trust him and after he left the way he did, I'm surprised that you do. But then again, you know the reasons why and don't try telling me otherwise. I can tell that you do. I don't want him near my daughter unless-"

"Unless someone tells you why I left, is that right, Charlie?" I walked into the living room and he glared at me. "Don't you ever give it a rest?" He started to answer but I cut him off. "That was a rhetorical question. Considering you've already made up your mind about me, I'm not going to bother trying to explain anything to you. You wouldn't listen because you're too set in your ways to even think that there might be something out of everyone's control going on here." I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself before I got too pissed. I could hear my voice getting louder as I stared Charlie down. "Didn't you ever consider that I didn't tell anyone what was going on because I didn't want anyone to know? Anyone think of that? Not that it matters because it's a fucking moot point now, isn't it? I didn't want anyone to know, yet everyone I know in this shitting place knows. Oh, except you, isn't that right, Charlie? What? Are you feeling left out because you don't know the secret? Takes you back to when you were in school, doesn't it? When someone had a secret and they kept singing that 'I've got a secret' song at you, not telling you what it is. Well, I _did_ have a secret. I had a secret that I managed to keep from everyone for eleven goddamn years. Again, what was the point? Every fucker knows now, don't they?"

I made my way out of the house, leaning on the railing that surrounded the porch, lighting a cigarette. I looked into the trees that had been my refuge for the last year I was in Forks. I had found such peace within those trees. Such solace.

They didn't judge you because of your choices. They didn't shy away from you because you were a dick. They didn't lash out because you said something they didn't like.

They didn't avoid you because you were tainted.

Because you'd lost everything that made you good.

They were just there, whenever you needed to get lost in your own mind. Or just plain lost. They offered a reprieve, an escape from the troubles of everyday life.

For me, they created a quiet world I could enter without being judged or treated like the shit someone had found on their shoe. I was just Edward. I hadn't been attacked and raped in Port Angeles. I hadn't had every last ounce of dignity stripped away from me or been humiliated beyond belief.

I was just . . . me.

How I longed for that again.

I blew out a stream of smoke as the sliding door opened. I knew it wasn't Bella as I could literally _feel_ her when she was in the same room as me or within touching distance.

I turned my head slightly to see Charlie standing there, watching me with a confused and partially pissed expression on his face.

"Look, Edward, I don't appreciate being spoken to like that." He sighed, coming to lean against the railing next to me. His posture was stiff and I instantly knew that he hadn't come out of here by his own volition. Someone had told him to come out and talk to me. Probably Renee. Bella knew when I needed to be alone, but unfortunately, her mother didn't have the same off switch she did. "But I'm just looking out for my daughter. You'll understand that someday. You'll be a father someday and you'll see what I'm talking about." _I wonder what would happen if he realised I wanted babies with his daughter. I think his head would explode. _"From what I can see, you care for Bella a lot-"

"I love her." I interrupted not caring what he thought. He thought I was a no good shit anyway, so what was the fucking point? "I love her more than anyone could ever even comprehend. I'd do anything for her."

"Then you'll respect my decision, then." He nodded as though this was something he'd worked out in his mind.

"What?" I chuckled, shaking my head as I stood up straight, taking one last drag before flicking my cigarette over the railing. "You want me to stay away from Bella? Good luck enforcing that. She lives sixteen hundred miles away, in a different state, in a different time zone and apart from that, she's a grown woman capable of doing whatever the hell she wants." I shook my head laughing. I think the stress of the last two days was finally catching up to me. I sounded like a madman to my own ears. I was sure I'd be committed at some point today or tomorrow. Maybe they would wait until all the girls had been occupied by the Black Friday sales before calling in the nice men in white coats to come and take me away. Hopefully, they'd let me say goodbye to Bella first, but I wasn't holding out much hope. "But let me guess, you'll let it go if I can give you a good enough reason for why I left. You wanna hear the reason, Charlie?" I could hear myself and I knew what I was saying, but it was like I was flicking back to the night I was attacked. My body was moving yet I wasn't there. I think I needed a shot or something.

He didn't say anything, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he set his jaw and nodded once.

"Are you sure? It's not very pretty." I was sure that he was convince I was into some sort of gang violence or drugs and leaving town was the only way to get away from it. "Well . . . when I went into Port Angeles on June seventeenth, eleven years ago, I decided to go into a music store. Only, I didn't realise how long I'd spent in there and it was dark outside when I left. I just wanted to get back to my car but unfortunately, there were a load of drunks I had to get passed first." His fist clenched by his side and I had no doubt there were some interesting images running through his mind though. "I never made it past the drunks." I whispered and his eyes snapped up to mine. I didn't drop his gaze and something in him shifted. "They dragged me into an alley where I was beaten . . . and raped . . . multiple times."

I waited for my words to sink in before I let out a breath. He knew now. Everyone knew. Who cared about my secret? I didn't fucking have one anymore.

He looked up at me, horrified at my words and I didn't do anything except stare back at him.

"You're the one who pushed." I said softly, walking past him. "Tell me," I stopped, just behind him and I heard him suck in a breath. "Was it worth it?"

_Happy fucking Thanksgiving._

_. . . . . . . . . ._


	23. Break In The Clouds

_**Disclaimer: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. Though I can say that I bought Little Ashes on Thursday and I'm not one hundred per cent sure what to make of it. Though Rob in the mirror was hilarious.**_

_**I've had requests from a lot of you about missing scenes from the story and as most of you are already aware, I have an accompaniment story of outtakes. I have set up a poll on my profile and you can vote for which one you want to see next. So far we have: Edward's last Christmas in Forks and an alternate to the flashback in chapter 10.**_

_**I'm going away on Thursday and the poll will be up until 7pm Wednesday Night (GMT). I will post the chapter with the most votes on either Wednesday night or Thursday morning before I leave.**_

_**This chapter's a little shorter than normal, but I thought they needed some good times to make the bad a little more bearable.**_

_The paranoia is in bloom, the PR_  
_Transmissions will resume, they'll try to_  
_Push drugs, keep us all dumb down and hope that_  
_We will never see the truth around, so come on_

_Another promise, another scene, another_  
_Package not to keep us trapped in greed with all the_  
_Green belts wrapped around our minds and endless_  
_Red tape to keep the truth confined, so come on_

_Interchanging mind control, come let the_  
_Revolution take its toll, if you could_  
_Flick a switch and open your third eye, you'd see that_  
_We should never be afraid to die, so come on_

_Rise up and take the power back, it's time that_  
_The fat cats had a heart attack, you know that_  
_Their time is coming to an end, we have to_  
_Unify and watch our flag ascend, so come on_

_They will not force us_  
_They will stop degrading us_  
_They will not control us_  
_We will be victorious, so come on_

_'Uprising' - Muse_

_***~*Edward*~***_

Dinner was . . . awkward.

That seems the easiest way to put it.

Everyone now knew that Charlie was in on the 'secret'. Not that it was much of a secret anymore. Bella had been absolutely fuming when she'd found out what happened between her father and I. She had wanted to confront Charlie then and there but _somehow_ I had managed to persuade her not to. She hadn't been happy that I was being lenient with Charlie after the way he had been so callous about what had happened to me.

I thought her head was going to fly off.

Dinner was quiet and the guilt of the situation practically consumed me as I sat there thinking about how we had come to this. This was not how today was supposed to go.

Then again, I wasn't exactly sure how today _was_ supposed to go.

"Stop it." Bella whispered softly, her hand coming to rest on my knee. She gave me a small smile, squeezing my knee gently, knowing exactly what was going through my head at the moment.

Damn her.

Just as everyone was finishing their food, Jasper cleared his through and stood up. I looked at him, confused and winking at me conspiratorially. As though I knew what he was going to say to everyone.

"Well, I think it's safe to say that this holiday hasn't been what everyone was expecting." _Couldn't be more right about that one, Jazz. _"But hopefully, Alice and I can shed some light into this dark day." He looked down at Alice, who was beaming up at him, taking her hand in his own. "Alice and I have just found out that we're expecting."

I jumped, momentarily deafened by the squeals of excitement coming from Bella, Rose, my mother, Renee and Jasper and Rose's mother. They all practically launched themselves out of their seats to hug Alice and Jazz.

I looked around the table at the other guys and they were all grinning, looking as stunned as I felt. I stood up, making my way towards Jazz, who looked as though someone had just blown a foghorn in his face.

Now _that_ was a funny picture.

"Congratulations, man." He grinned at me, gazing at Alice. He was looking at her as though she was the centre of his universe. I knew how he felt because I felt the same way about the gushing brunette fussing over Alice at this very minute.

Without her, nothing made sense.

"How far along is she?" I asked, watching the girls fawn over Alice. I couldn't help but hope that someday that would be Bella in Alice's place and I would be where Jasper was right now.

I knew I had a long way to go before I was ready to have children but . . . someday.

"About twelve weeks." He grinned exuding pride as Emmett, Charlie, Carlisle and Peter, Jasper's father joined us. "We found out a couple of weeks ago, but we wanted to wait until today to tell everyone."

"My question is, how you managed to keep Alice from telling the girls." Emmett laughed which caused the rest of us to nod along with his question, chuckling.

"It was actually her idea." Was not expecting that one. "She knew that today would be . . . difficult," he looked at me and I nodded, knowing what he meant. Today would have been hard whether I had come back or not. "She wanted to bring some good news out today."

I sent out a silent thanks to my sister.

As if she'd heard me, she looked at me, breaking away from the chattering women and making her way towards me. I walked towards her, wrapping my arms around her tiny frame, pulling her to me. I pressed a kiss to her forehead before resting my forehead on her shoulder gently.

"Congratulations, Little One." I whispered softly and she sniffed, burying her head I my neck. "You deserve this."

"Thank you." She whispered, her chin resting on my shoulder as she tightened her grip on me. "It means so much."

When we broke away from each other, she had tears in her eyes, waving my concern off and blaming her hormones. I knew it was more than that. She'd never admit it though.

I noticed that everyone was watching our exchange as Bella and Jasper walked over to us. The both of them wrapped their arms around us, grinning at Alice and I.

"Look at them," Bella murmured as she rested her head on my shoulder, watching Alice and Jasper. "They're so happy. I can't believe they're going to be parents." She looked up at me, her eyes full of the love I was feeling for at this moment in time. "Think we'll ever have that?"

"Of course we will." I pressed my lips to hers, relishing the taste of her on my lips. She was grinning at me as I pulled away from her, losing myself in her deep chocolate orbs. "Don't worry. I want to have children with you, Bella. Many, in fact."

"Oh really?" She raised an eyebrow at me and I nodded with what I hoped was an innocent look on my face. I knew it failed because it was me. Enough said. "And how many did you want, exactly?"

"I don't know." I sighed, shrugging as I pulled her to me. "Eight. Nine, maybe."

"I don't care how much I love you; I am _not_ having that many children." She stated matter of factly shaking her head and staring up at me, daring to challenge her.

Who am I to refuse a challenge?

"Well . . . what if you get pregnant and have like . . . three sets of triplets?" I shrugged and she laughed, shaking her head at me.

"Honey, if we have _one_ set of triplets, you're having the snip." The little smirk on her lips told me she was not kidding

"Wha-? Hey! That's not fair." Why did I have to do that? Talk about nipping things in the bud.

"Well then, tell your boys to limit it to one embryo at a time." She tapped my chest twice, smirking up at me again. I could never tell if she was being serious or messing with me. Now it seemed like she was doing a bit of both.

"Are you serious?"

"Completely."

Well, that answers _that_ question then.

She kissed my cheek quickly before making her way back over to Alice, her excitement clear as she talked with my sister. Who knew that Bella would be drawn in so much at the thought of a baby? When we were younger, she had never been a fan of babies or small children. It just goes to show how much I still needed to relearn about her, didn't it?

"Edward?" I turned to see Charlie looking at me, uncertain as he stood there, his hands in his pockets as he rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. He was clearly unsure about whether to talk to me or not. I wondered if it was because of the way he had treated me over the last few visits or because of what had happened to me. Who knew? Well . . . he did, obviously. "I wondered if I could have a word."

I took a breath, wondering what he could possibly have to say now. I looked over at the girls to find Bella watching me, a concerned expression on her face. I gave her a small smile, silently letting her know it was okay. The way she was looking at me told me she was there if I needed her. I would _always_ need her.

"Alright." I said softly, turning to face him. I walked past him, not wanting to have this conversation here, especially not raining on Alice and Jasper's happy news. I walked out of the backdoor, leaving it open as I lit a cigarette, knowing I was going to need it. "What did you want to talk about?"

I knew that answer to that already.

He walked across the porch, sitting on the top of the steps that led to the garden before heaving a big breath.

"I know this is going to seem stupid now but . . . I'm sorry." He said gruffly, his hands clenched in front of him. I could tell this was hard for him to handle at the moment. It wasn't easy for him to admit he was wrong.

"For . . . what?" I asked, still unsure of where this was coming from.

"For . . . for the way I treated you when you and Bella came to visit and how I've handled the news of the two of you being together." He looked up at me as I sat down next to him on the step. "I know I was going beyond what a father should to look after his daughter but when you left, Bella fell apart. I didn't know that we were ever going to get her back to how she was when you were around."

"I know." I whispered, nodding slowly as I looked over at the garden. "I hurt her. I hurt everyone and I know that now. I knew that at the time but back then, I thought that by leaving, I was making it easier on everyone."

"How's that?" He looked at me, confused and I took a pull from my cigarette flicking the ash that had accumulated at the end.

"Well . . . the night I left . . . we all got into a pretty big fight. Everyone said things that they didn't mean. I knew that I was hurting everyone around me, had been for a year. I just didn't know how to deal with what had happened to me, so I lashed out at everyone close to me." Who would have thought that I would explaining all of this to Charlie Swan? Not me that's for sure. "In my head, I knew that leaving would hurt my parents but I also reasoned that the hurt would go away, that I wouldn't keep reopening that wound. That eventually they would . . . I don't know . . . forget about me, I guess."

"Edward," I looked at Charlie to see he was watching me pretty closely. "You're right. You hurt your parents. I didn't know what to think when I got Emmett on the phone telling me you'd taken your bike and all that and vanished. Then I had your parents calling me as well. I hated to do it, but I had to tell them you had to be gone twenty four hours before you were officially classed as missing. I looked for you though. I knew that if I found you, I'd tell you to get the hell home. But, unfortunately, I didn't."

"I think I was in either Idaho or Wyoming by the time the twenty four hour mark rolled around." I sighed, shaking my head and flicking my finished cigarette. My mom would kill me for it in the morning, but oh well. "All I knew was that I had to get out of this place. I couldn't stay here anymore."

"Why didn't you talk to anyone about it?" He asked and I knew he was trying to fathom why I hadn't told him about the attack.

"Because I was scared." I admitted, wondering how many times I had told someone that. It never seemed to be a good enough reason when I heard myself saying it, but it was the only one I had. "I tried to tell someone when I came home from Port Angeles but . . . no one had the time to listen to me. And then after that, it was just easier to push people away rather than talk to them."

"Why not go to the police, though?" That was obviously the point Charlie couldn't understand. To him, the law was black and white. You went to the police, they caught the perp. At least that was the way it went in Forks, anyway. "Then you could have known that the ones who hurt you were getting what they deserved."

"Would they, though?" I challenged him and he raised an eyebrow at me. "I mean, yeah, I could have gone to the police and they would have maybe looked into it. There was a small chance that some kind of investigation would have been carried out." I let out a frustrated breath, wanting Charlie to understand where I was coming from. I pushed away from the edge of the porch, running my hands through my hair. "There might be people now who are willing to help a male victim but back then . . . ten years ago, no one wanted to acknowledge that it happened. It was classed as assault and that was pretty much it. No one – not even the police – wanted to admit that one man would do that to another. To be raped . . . that was something you had to be female to experience. And it's a load of bullshit."

"I'm not saying it's not, Edward." He looked up at me, an anguish I hadn't ever expected to see in his eyes. He looked as though someone had just told him that his only child was going to be ripped away from them. Not that I wanted to put that kind of scenario into anyone's imagination, especially when it concerned Bella, but that was the only example I could come up with. "I just . . . I don't know . . ."

"I was afraid. That's really the only thing I can . . ." I took a deep breath, knowing that my explanation would only leave him more confused. I knew in my head that he was now coming to realise my words from earlier. Not everything was as black and white as Charlie Swan had once perceived. "If I _had_ gone to the police, I know . . . I _know_ that it wouldn't have been dealt with as it should have been. They would have classed it as assault, because the . . . rape of a man . . . I don't know if it was recognised as a crime in its own right back then but even if it was, people just didn't want to admit that it happened. It's like . . . take what happened to Rose. If she hadn't been found, the guy would have been sent down for rape, whereas if I _had_ come forward and those that . . . hurt me had been found, I doubt it would have given the same results."

"Edward, I might have acted like an ass when it came to you and Bella being together, but I can assure you that if I'd known about it, the ones that did this to you would have been rotting in jail right about now. And they wouldn't be getting out anytime soon." The way he said it held such conviction and I didn't know whether to believe him or not.

Like he said, he might have been an ass when it came to my relationship with Bella – and I hoped that was going to ease off a little – but Charlie was a man of the law. To him, the law had to be obeyed and he was the one going to make sure that was going to happen.

"Well . . . there's not much we can do about it now." I sighed, shaking my head and he nodded, looking out into the trees. "Unless they all decide they're going to show up and go 'it was me, arrest me' I think that there's nothing we can do but let it go."

"Your parents won't be able to, you know?" I did know. That was one of the reasons I hadn't wanted to tell them. They would dwell on it and it would hang around them for the rest of their lives. I hated the thought of them doing that to themselves.

"Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry." He sighed, shaking his head before looking at me in the same way my parents had been all day. As if they'd lost someone they loved deeply. Maybe Rose had been right about this whole grief thing. "And that if I had the chance, I'd put those bastards where they belong."

"Thanks, Charlie." It meant a lot to me that he was at least trying.

It might have been a little too late, but he was trying.

I let out a breath before making my way back inside, leaving him standing on the porch for the second time in the same day.

"Hey," Bella whispered, coming up next to me. She wrapped her arms around my waist, pulling me close to her. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," I nodded and she looked up at me, a sceptical look on her face. She didn't believe that her father and I could come out of a conversation without any grievous wounds. "He apologised for how he'd been towards me the couple of times I've seen him. I'm not sure what to do with it but at least it's out there, right?"

"Wow," she whispered, her gaze flicked towards where Charlie was still outside. "I never thought I'd see the day where Charlie would willingly apologise."

"Well, I guess desperate circumstances call for desperate measures, huh?" She nodded, her head resting against my chest.

"Oh!" She looked up at me suddenly, a smile on her face. "Alice wanted to talk to you about something. She seemed excited about something and said that she had to find you."

"What does she want to talk to me about?"

She shook her head, shrugging. "She didn't say. It seemed important and considering how excited she was about it, I'm guessing it was about the baby."

"I'd better go find her then." She nodded, kissing me gently before heading into the kitchen. I looked around for Alice, finding the pixie sitting in the corner by the fire. Looking at her, it was the kind of picture you'd find on a Christmas card. Alice was curled up with a book, her feet tucked up underneath her next to the fire that someone had lit after dinner. I'd wager that it was Charlie or Emmett that had lit it. "Hey, Pix."

She looked up at me, grinning as she set her book aside. She held out her hands, silently begging me to go to her as she used to do when we were younger.

"Hey," she whispered, pulling me down next to her before settling herself on my lap. I tucked my feet up underneath me, pulling her legs to rest across my lap.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" I asked and she grinned at me.

"I wanted to tell you something that no one else will know for another six months." She whispered, looking around conspiratorially as though she were afraid of someone overhearing. "I want you to know the names Jasper and I have picked out for the baby."

"Really?" I knew it was probably ridiculous of me, but I couldn't help the excited tone in my voice and the grin on my face. I knew I probably looked stupid and childish, but I couldn't really care less. "Who else knows?"

"Jasper." She shrugged as though it was no big deal. "Do you want to know?"

"Hell, yeah!" I grinned and she laughed, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Nobody else knows, okay?" She whispered and I nodded, pulling her close to me. "We don't want anyone else to know until the baby comes."

"Why are you telling me, then?" That was what was confusing me. If she and Jasper didn't want anyone to know about the names they'd chosen for the baby then why was she telling me.

"Because I want you to know." She sighed, looking up at me. "You've missed so much in the last ten years. I mean, you missed our graduations, high school and college, when you should have been there alongside us. You missed our weddings when you should have been standing with Jasper and Emmett both times. I wanted you to have this when the others didn't."

"You don't owe me anything, Alice." I whispered and she smiled at me sadly. "Everything I missed out on is my fault. I chose to leave. I knew through the years that I would be missing out on things. I knew that there was some point at which you guys would get married. And I knew, even then that it would be to each other. You and Jasper and Rose and Emmett. You're made for each other."

"What about Bella?" She asked quietly, her fingers threading through mine.

"I knew that there was a chance she could get married, settle down and you . . . be happy. Something in my heart ached whenever I thought of that happening but I knew it was possible. I mean, I left . . . we weren't even together so it wasn't as though I could do anything about it . . ." I shook my head, knowing that what I was saying didn't make any sense.

"She couldn't be happy with anyone else." Alice whispered, squeezing my hand gently, giving me a small smile. "Because you and Bella are made for each other. I've never seen her as happy as she's been with you. She laughs and smiles all the time. I think she's laughed more in the last three and a half months than she has in the last ten years." _Has it only been three months? It seems like so much longer to me. _"Sure she might have started down the path to looking like you . . ." she gestured towards my arms, giggling slightly, "but I've never seen her so happy. Anyway," she shifted slightly and I looked up to see her grinning. "Did you want to know?"

"Of course." The rolled her eyes at my 'duh!' tone and I laughed.

"Alright," she took a breath, watching around the corner for something. Movement, I'm guessing. "if it's a girl we're calling her Avery Brooke."

"That's kinda cute." She nodded, biting her lip and looking a bit nervous about the boy's name. "What if it's a boy?"

"If it's a boy . . ." She looked at me, taking a deep breath. "We're going to call him Jackson Edward."

I felt my jaw drop at her admission and she sat there watching me with a slightly worried expression. "Are you serious?" She nodded and I pulled her to me, pressing my nose into her hair as we used to do to each other when we were little. She wrapped her arms around me tightly, clinging to me as I was to her. "Thank you, Ali."

"I love you, Edward." She whispered, her breath moving softly over the skin of my neck.

"I love you too, Alice." My voice was the same as hers, tentative, as though this moment could be blown apart at any moment. Which wasn't far off because we both knew that with Emmett in the house, it very well could be.

We stayed like that for a little while longer before Bella and Jazz came looking for us. Alice pressed her lips to my temple, reminding me not to tell anyone and that she loved me before skipping off to her husband. Bella made her way over to me taking up the spot Alice had just been sitting.

"What was that about?" She asked, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me to her.

"Nope." I shook my head, grinning as she raised an eyebrow at me. "Top Secret twin stuff."

"Uh-huh." She rolled her eyes obviously remembering when Alice and I used to say that when we had a secret we didn't want to share. Upon hearing that, Emmett would always make it his mission to try and get the information out of me or Alice. Whichever could be bought or tortured.

"Did I hear the phrase 'Top Secret twin stuff'?" I heard him laugh from around the corner before he appeared and I could see from the look in his eye that it was a rhetorical question. "So what's the secret then, Eddie?"

Alice looked at me, her expression worried and I shook my head at Emmett. "Not gonna tell you."

"Really?" His grin was bordering evil and I nodded, knowing I had to stand my ground. "Well, I can't pick on Alice considering she's pregnant so I guess that just leaves . . . you."

I launched myself off of the chair, somehow managing to not knock Bella onto the floor in the process. Points for that one, huh? It didn't take long for Emmett to catch up to me,, his arms wrapping around my waist as he tackled me to the floor.

"You gonna tell me?" He laughed and I shook my head unable to stop the laughter bubbling from my lips as he dug his fingers into my sides. The damn smug bastard knew that I was ticklish and knew exactly where to target. "You gonna tell me yet?"

"No!"

He wrapped an arm around my waist, keeping me from moving as he wiggled his fingers into my sides. I hoped that I hadn't broken anything while being attacked. Mom would probably never forgive me if I broke one of her vases.

"What on earth is going on in here?" I heard my mom's voice as she panicked. "Emmett, get off him. Get off your brother!"

"Mom, relax." He said softly, helping me up. "We were just messing around, Mom."

"Mom, are you okay?" Looking at her, I could see that she wasn't. Her eyes were wide and filled with unshed tears as her hands gripping the dishtowel she had in her hands as though it was the only life support she had. She was looking me up and down, scanning as though making sure I wasn't hurt.

And that's when I realised she _was_ trying to make sure I wasn't hurt.

She must have heard Emmett and I goofing around and thought that something was going on. That there was something wrong. She must have heard me laughing, trying to get Emmett to stop and misinterpreted it. Who knew what was going through her mind.

"Mom," I sighed, running my hands through my hair, seeing the worry in her eyes as she sniffed. "I'm fine. Emmett and I were just messing around."

"I don't . . . I don't like it." She sniffed and Renee looked between us, confused. My mom had always been alright with the play fights between Emmett and myself, not really being fussed as long as we didn't break anything. She couldn't understand why Esme was being the way she was about it now. "Don't . . . don't do it again."

"Mom," I made my way towards her as she stood there, looking nervously between the two of us. "Look at me." Her eyes flicked up to look me in the eye. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me."

"But I do." She whispered, bringing her fingers up to run down my cheeks lightly. "I worry about you all the time. You're my baby. It's all I know how to do."

"Mom, what happened . . . it happened a long time ago and nothing anyone can do can change it. I've accepted that. I've moved on. I know it's hard but you have to do the same thing." I wrapped my arms around her, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I don't know if I can, sweetheart." Her arms made their way around my neck, obviously not realising she was still holding the dishtowel. "What?" She looked alarmed when I squirmed away from her. "What is it?"

"The towel is wet." I wiped the back of my neck as she stared at the offending material. "And cold."

She shook her head, her eyes closing as a small laugh escaped her. "I thought that . . ."

"You thought you'd done something wrong." I finished for her and she nodded, letting out a breath. "Well, you haven't." I pressed a kiss to her forehead and she leaned into me, making sure not to hit me with the dishtowel again. Annoying material. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, my baby." Her response was nothing more than a whisper as she pulled me towards her.

I finally felt safe in the arms of my mother.

. . . .

When everyone started leaving, it was pretty late. And when I say everyone I mean Bella's parents and Rose and Jazz's parents. Everyone else was staying in the Cullen household.

I could see that Charlie wanted Bella to come home and stay with him tonight, but there must have been something else warring within him because he didn't say anything about it to anyone. Even Renee looked slightly shocked at the fact Charlie had stayed quiet.

Being upstairs with Bella, it was as though we were trapped in our own little bubble. We had changed into our pyjamas, because we both knew that there was no way anything was happening tonight, especially with my parents downstairs. Laying on my bed, with her, our lips joined in slow, languid kisses, I felt like nothing could touch me.

There wasn't anything too sexual about the way we were. Yes, we might have been tangled up in each other under my old comforter, but it provided a comfort that the both of us needed right now.

"So," she whispered, pressing one more kiss to my lips before settling back on her pillow. "What did Alice want to talk to you about earlier?"

"I'm afraid my lips are sealed." I replied slyly and she giggled, shaking her head.

"I thought you were just saying that to provoke a reaction out of Emmett." She laughed and I shook my head, biting down on my lip. Bella had been glad when everyone else had left and the formality of the holiday had been dealt with, practically shoving he small box that contained my facial jewellery at me. It appeared that she really like the rings and bars that littered my face. She told me that I wasn't really me without them. I didn't understand what that meant, but I'm sure it made sense in Bella's world.

"Nope." I chuckled, popping the 'p'. "I am sworn to secrecy. You'll all find out sooner or later anyway."

Her eyes widened slightly and she propped herself up on the elbow, watching me as I watched her. "You know baby names. Tell me!"

"Wh-?" Huh? "I'm not saying anything."

"Please."

"Who says that's what she told me, huh? It could be anything. It could be something to do with Christmas, or Emmett's birthday." Seeing as Emmett's birthday was on the twenty-ninth of December, I just thought I'd toss those two out there to throw her off the scent and she stilled for a moment, her eyes narrowing at me. I made sure to keep a blank expression on my face.

"Alright." She watched me carefully as she lay back down, resting her head on my shoulder. "I'll let it go for now."

I let a breath out through my nose, wanting to know why people were always begging to know others secrets. What was so inviting about someone having a secret? Why did people _have_ to know?

It would always confuse me.

"I miss Nix." I said softly and she giggled at me, running her hand up and down my arm. "Why are you laughing? I do."

"You are too cute." She looked up at me, her amused expression clearly visible in the moonlight. "She's fine. She's with Mrs. Nichols, right?" I nodded and she waved slightly, as if displaying nonchalance. "There we go then. She's fine. Who better to look after her when her daddy's not there than the woman who gave her to you?"

"I guess you're right." It didn't stop me from missing my little ball of fluff, though. She had become a permanent fixture in my life and she was there to stay. My little Nix.

I did have one good thing to say though: I had made it through my first Thanksgiving back with my family.

Things could only get better from here, right?

Yeah, right. That's what I thought, too.

. . . . . . .


	24. Finding A Place To Be

_**Disclaimer: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can. **_

_**It's been a while I know. I'm sorry. Tattward has missed you all.**_

_'Have you ever been hated or discriminated against?  
I have, I've been protested and demonstrated against  
Picket signs for my wicked rhymes, look at the times  
Sick as the mind of the motherfuckin' kid that's behind_

_All this commotion, emotions run deep as ocean's explodin'_  
_Tempers flarin' from parents, just blow 'em off and keep goin'_  
_Not takin' nothin' from no one, give 'em hell long as I'm breathin'_  
_Keep kickin' ass in the mornin' and takin' names in the evenin'_

_Leave 'em with a taste as sour as vinegar in their mouth_  
_See, they can trigger me but they'll never figure me out_  
_Look at me now, I bet ya probably sick of me now, ain't you momma?_  
_I'ma make you look so ridiculous now_

_I'm sorry momma_  
_I never meant to hurt you_  
_I never meant to make you cry but tonight_  
_I'm cleanin' out my closet, one more time'_

_'Cleaning Out My Closet' - Eminem_

_***~*Edward*~***_

When I woke up the next morning, Bella wasn't in bed with me. She wasn't in my arms as she normally was when I woke up and reaching out across the bed, I found she wasn't there. Her side of the bed was cold, which confused me because that meant she had to have been up for quite a while.

I looked at my phone, seeing that it was 5:20AM. I groaned, sliding my phone back onto the bedside table and tried to get back to sleep by burying my head in my pillows.

It didn't work.

Letting out a breath, I rolled out of bed, nearly toppling onto the floor because I didn't realise how close to the edge I was. Now _that_ could have been amusing for anyone watching.

I pulled on a wife beater, not really wanting to make an appearance downstairs in front of people – because knowing Alice, people would be up on Black Friday – in nothing more than my pyjama pants. I'm not sure everyone wants to see me scantily clad.

I made my way downstairs, hearing voices coming from the kitchen. I immediately recognised Alice's high tinkle of a laugh mixed in with Bella's sensual chuckle. If I didn't have morning wood before, I do now. I walked down the stairs slowly, willing my hard on to back the fuck off thinking of . . . less than savoury things before I made my way into the kitchen.

"Hey, baby." I grinned at Bella, who was sat on the counter holding a cup of coffee as Alice stood there, leaning against the island with a cup of something that had better be herbal tea.

I couldn't help the smile that crossed my lips as I took in Bella's appearance. I hadn't really paid attention to what she had been wearing when we went to bed last night, only knowing that she was wearing clothes – not something I encouraged – giving me the message that nothing was going to happen while my parents were around.

She was sat there in a grey tank top and barely there black shorts. She also had on these knee lengths socks that I knew for a fact she wasn't wearing the night before, that had little skull and crossbones on them. I shook my head, wondering where the hell she managed to get her clothes from. Actually, I was more confused about the fact Alice was allowing her to wear them in her presence without completely fucking out on her.

I walked over to her, easing my way between her legs and pressing my lips to hers. "Morning." I whispered softly and she giggled gently.

"Morning." She whispered back, giving me another kiss. "Want coffee?" I nodded and she pointed behind me. "There's some on the counter for you."

I turned and grabbed the coffee off the island behind me.

"Thank God." Alice huffed, rolling her eyes. _Huh_? "That's been driving me nuts since Bella made it. Thank god someone's finally going to drink it." She looked between Bella and I as we stood there, eyeing her carefully before a grin appeared on her lips. "You have matching tattoos." She squealed, putting her mug down on the island behind her.

She bounded towards me, pulling my left shoulder away from where I was tucked into Bella so she could see, yanking my wife beater down so she could see it properly. She made this squealing sound when she looked at it. You know the one I mean. The one girl's make when they see something that's too cute for words and then don't tell you what it is they've seen.

She ran her fingers over it gently, obviously remembering the picture she'd taken all those years ago. She then moved away from me, around to Bella's left side and did the same to her.

"Hey, hey, hey! Be careful! That ink is still fresh." I warned her and she held up her hand in defeat.

"Oh, my God, they're amazing, Edward." She gushed, looking between the two of them. "Anyone that doubts your talent is an idiot."

"Well, obviously I didn't do my own." I rolled my eyes and Bella giggled, resting her head on my shoulder. "Jake did mine."

"Alright," Alice clapped her hands, setting her empty mug on the side before smirking at the two of us. I really hated that look. "I'm going to go and get everyone else up and then we're going to be going over the plan for today." And with that, she bounded out of the kitchen before either of us could say anything.

"Plan?" I looked up at Bella and she gave me a scared smile.

"It's Black Friday." Was all she offered as an explanation and I moaned, closing my eyes. I really did not want to deal with Alice on Black Friday. I had been through that so many times before.

I rested my head on Bella's chest, giving me a fantastic view of her tits as she played with the hair on the nape of my neck. We stood there for a few minutes before a grumpy, grumbling family made their entrance into the kitchen, each and every one of them heading towards the coffee machine.

I closed my eyes as they all bitched about Alice and her behaviour, grumbling at Jazz to calm her down. He shook his head, stating that he might love her but he was not suicidal.

Coward.

"Aww." I opened my eyes slowly to see my mom and dad watching Bella and I from the doorway into the kitchen. They stood there, their eyes full of something that looked like pride. Were they proud that Bella and I were together? I mean, it was no secret they'd wanted the two of us to get together since we were little, but hey, who would have thought?

"Alright." Alice clapped her hands again like the annoying pixie she was. "The plan is that we're all ready to leave here by six thirty at the latest." There were moans and grumbles from everyone in the room. "Hey! Don't be like that! It's Black Friday, I don't make up the rules."

"Since where does it say _anywhere _that we have to be up at asscrack of stupid o'clock in the morning?" Emmett shot back at her, glaring at her sleepily.

"Emmett," Dad yawned, trying to cover it as best he could. Didn't really work there, Dad. "Language."

"Real convincing there, Dad." I raised an eyebrow and shrugged his shoulders, his eyes closed. I couldn't help but laugh as he leaned against the doorframe. It wouldn't have surprised me if he'd gone back to sleep.

"Come on, you guys." Alice whined and I buried my head in Bella's shoulder again. She giggled gently, rested her cheek on my temple, her fingers running through the hair at the nape of my neck. "It'll be fun."

"Alice, the only person who finds shopping fun, is you." Bella retorted and everyone laughed. "Well, Rose does too, but she knows to draw the line somewhere."

"Hopefully that means she knows it's ridiculous to get up before the sun is up purely to go shopping." I tried to stifle a yawn into Bella's shoulder, having about as much success as my father. She pressed a kiss to my temple and I mumbled something even _I_ didn't understand.

"Damn right, I do." I nodded at Rosalie's statement my eyes still closed. I could actually fall asleep like this. It was quite comfy but I guessed part of that was because I was using Bella's boobs as pillows.

_Man, they're comfy._

"Okay, okay, stop whining. Everyone get up and dressed and be back down here by twenty past six." Alice ordered and I heard people shuffling.

"Come on, baby." I heard Bella giggle and I shook my head, burying my nose deeper into her shoulder and tightening my grip on her waist. "You know what Alice is like when she doesn't get her way."

"Can't we just lock her in the basement until tomorrow?" I asked, being completely serious. "Please?"

"Unfortunately not." She sighed as I groaned out loud, doing that fake sobbing thing she did sometimes. She pressed a kiss to my lips, pushing me back a little. "The sooner we go the sooner we'll get back home."

"Okay, you've known Alice how long and you are _still_ that naïve?" I raised an eyebrow and she shrugged, pulling me up the stairs.

This was going to be a day I wanted to burn from my mind forever.

. . . . . .

Black Friday shopping with Alice was . . . torture.

There was no other way to put it. My feet hurt so much that it should have been introduced in the Medieval Times. People would have responded a lot faster than being on the rack. Thumb screws be damned. Just give them Alice in a busy mall and they'll squeal like a little girl having their pigtails pulled.

I threw the bags that Alice had acquired for me – because I didn't want any of them – on the floor just inside the door to my room before walking forward and collapsing on my bed. Making sure my feet were still dangling over the edge I slipped off my shoes – which no doubt had holes in the bottom now – and dragged my way up, resting my head on my pillows.

I let out a sigh, wrapping my arms around the pillow, wanting to drift into nothingness to take away all the aches from the day.

Never going shopping with Alice again.

Ever.

"Hey," I heard Bella in the doorway and a moment later felt her side of the bed dip as she sat down next to me. "Dinner's in ten minutes. Come on."

I shook my head, burying my head underneath the pillow. I was _not_ getting up again. "Screw that shit." I mumbled and I heard Bella let out a sigh, no doubt shaking her head. "Edward sleep."

"You know that Emmett's going to be up here any minute." She tried to reason, but I really didn't give a flying fuck. Emmett could complain all he wanted. I was not getting up again today. Not a chance in hell. I felt like death warmed up and left on the side to cool again.

In other words, I felt like shit.

"Come on, Eddie." I moaned quietly as I heard Emmett in the doorway. "There's food."

"So eat it." I shot back and I heard him huff from the doorway. "I'm not stopping you."

"No, but mom is." He whined. I could practically see him bobbing his legs up and down like a little child does when they're after something. "She won't let anyone eat until everyone's downstairs."

"Emmett, just go and eat." I heard Bella sigh as she placed a hand on my back gently. "It's obvious he doesn't want anything to eat and he's exhausted. "He didn't sleep well last night and it's clear all he wants to do is crash."

_Huh_? I didn't sleep well? I lifted up a corner of the pillow so I could see Bella and she smiled down at me, looking every bit as exhausted as I felt. "I didn't?" She shook her head.

"You were having nightmares and you woke up a couple of times. You don't remember?" I shook my head and she looked confused.

"How come you didn't mention it?"

"I wasn't going to bring it up until you did." She shrugged, sighing gently. "I didn't realise you didn't remember, so I thought that you just didn't want to talk about it."

"No, the not talking about it was purely down to the lack of memory." I yawned, replacing the pillow.

"It's understandable though, considering the day you had yesterday." I mumbled something at her as she ran her fingers up and down my side. She giggled softly and I heard Emmett groan in frustration. Clearly he was not happy that I was not moving.

"Emmett, just fuck the hell off and tell mom I'm not coming down."

"No can do. She wants everyone there." I could literally see the pout on his face.

"Even those that are practically passed out?" Bella asked, sounding slightly shocked. Silly woman. She doesn't know much about my family, does she? "Odd."

"Yeah and I'm hungry, so come on." I could actually picture in my head how he was standing. He would be doing that bending at the knee thing little kids do when they want something and the arms that went with it. Doesn't he realise he's a twenty eight year old man? Evidently not. "Fine."

Before I could register what was happening, the pillow had been yanked off of my head and Emmett's arm was wrapped around my waist. He flung me over his shoulder, ignoring my whacking and swearing at him. I wonder if Rosalie was actually attached to Emmett at all or whether she kept him around for the entertainment value.

"There we go." He sighed, throwing me down on the sofa, before running off to find our mother. "Mom! Edward's downstairs, let's eat."

"Dinner's not ready for another five minutes, Emmett. I told you that." I remembered that tone. It meant stop badgering me or you're not getting anything. Emmett was the only one she'd had to use that tone on. If Alice and I were ever curious about when dinner was going to be, we never had to ask because Emmett was always in there bothering her about food. The two of us usually walked into the kitchen with the intention of asking when we were going to get fed, hearing mom chastising Emmett for something or other, look at each other and decide not to bother before turning around and leaving the room.

And they say that twins are supposed to be harder to handle than singleton children.

Silently cursing Emmett, purely because I didn't have enough energy to do it vocally, I curled up into a ball on the sofa hearing someone walking up to me, sitting down next to me. Bella.

"Poor baby." She whispered, running her fingers through my hair. Somehow I managed to find the energy to pull myself to her – even though she was sat right next to me – and rest my head in her lap. She made such a comfy pillow.

"Hey, he okay?" I heard Rosalie's soft voice ask as she walked into the room.

"He's exhausted." Bella supplied. I wanted to tell her myself but all I could muster was a yawn. "He didn't sleep well last night and Alice's shopping trip wore him out."

"Hell, that shopping trip wore _me_ out and I _like_ shopping." I heard the two of them laugh, feeling the vibrations through Bella's body. "So, why is he not in bed?"

"Because Emmett literally carried him downstairs."

"What?" Emmett's in trouble. "Why?"

"Because he wouldn't come down by himself." The way he said it made it seem like it was the most logical thing in the world.

"Emmett," If Emmett had been within reaching distance, he would have been smacked upside the head right about now. "You're an idiot."

"But I'm hungry." He whined as though that was the reason for everything he did because it seemed he was always hungry.

A little while later I opened my eyes to find that Bella had been replaced by a cushion. It might have been softer than Bella's legs, but it was in no way as comfortable. I wanted Bella back. Where did she go?

"Hey, you." I looked up to see Alice standing there in the doorway. She grinned at me as I sat up, still feeling tired, but not completely wiped like I had before. "Apparently, my shopping trip took it out of you." I nodded and she giggled. "It seems you've grown soft over the years."

"Ha ha." I shook my head, leaning against the arm of the chair and holding my arms out to her. She grinned at me again before walking over to me. "Don't worry about it, Ali-Kat." I said softly as she curled up in my lap. "Just don't do it again."

"You know I can't promise that." She looked up at me with a sneaky glint in her eye and I knew she wasn't kidding. Who knew when she would pull the surprise shopping trip shit? You never could tell. "You feeling better?" I nodded, resting my head on her shoulder. "Good." She watched me for a moment before letting out a breath. "You know, I don't care what you, Bella or anyone else says . . . you're still my Teddy Bear." I looked up at her, confused how she could associate me with the boy she used to know as her brother. "You are. Though you might now be a bigger, cruder, ruder, version of him, covered in ink, piercings and swear like it's going out of fashion . . . you're still Teddy Bear. You always will be."

There was no one like my sister. It didn't matter what shit you'd been through or done, if she thought there was something there worthy of salvation, she didn't turn her back or give up on you.

"What did I ever do to deserve a sister like you?" I whispered and she grinned at me, knowing I wouldn't argue with her over my old nickname. "Thank you, Ali."

"No problem." She pressed her lips to my forehead and we sat there for a little while before heading up to bed. It seemed that everyone else had gone to bed before I'd woken up. Considering it was midnight, I didn't blame them.

. . . . . .

I looked at the clock, seeing that it was 2AM. I sighed, running my hand through my hair as I sat up and looked down at Bella. She was sleeping peacefully, her hand resting on my thigh, having fallen from where it was on my stomach before I sat up. She was so beautiful and I wanted to do nothing but look at her for the rest of my life. Unfortunately for me, she'd get a bit pissed off at me if I did that, so I had to limit myself to a little ogling when I could.

I gently moved her hand off of my thigh, placing it on the bed as I slid out of it, pulling a t-shirt on. There wasn't much of a chance of me running into anyone as I made my way down to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water, but it was winter and Forks and it was fucking freezing.

Making sure I dodged our packed suitcases, I eased the door open and made my way down the stairs. We were leaving this afternoon and though I loved my parents dearly, I wanted to get back to Chicago. This wasn't the place I belonged anymore. I missed the bustling noises of the city. It was too quiet here in the middle of nowhere. Living in the city, I had grown used to hearing traffic and people at all hours and the silence that surrounded the house and just the general town of Forks unnerved me a little.

As I made my way downstairs, I saw a light coming from underneath the door to my dad's office. Why was he still up?

Quietly walking down the hallway, I knocked gently, easing the door open. He smiled up at me as he sat in the old leather chair he had in the corner. I remembered when he would sit in that chair and tell me stories about the lives of people he'd saved. He'd be sitting how he was now – just without the glass of scotch in his hand – and I'd be sat on his knee and he would entertain me for hours with stories. I wasn't sure if they were true and knowing Forks, they weren't but to a five year old they were incredible to hear and my dad was a hero.

I wanted to be just like him when I was little.

"Hey," I closed the door behind me. "What are you still doing up?"

"Thinking." He sighed, placing the half empty glass on the shelf behind him before picking up a picture. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, smiling to himself as he studied the image in front of him. "Come here." He nodded me towards him and having some remnants of the curious child I'd always been left inside me, I obeyed. I knelt down beside him and he tilted the picture so I could see it.

It was my mom.

She was asleep, dozing probably. She looked so peaceful with her eyes closed, her lashes creating tiny shadows on her cheekbones and a small smile on her lips. Her hair was fanned out behind her, the light catching the red tints that appeared in my own hair in the sun. My hair had more red in it than hers did and she often told me that in certain lights it turned to a sort of golden colour.

She was wearing a Dartmouth t-shirt, one I knew belonged to my dad. She had her hand resting on what looked like a _very_ pregnant belly. I looked up at my dad, finding that he was watching me with a look of pure adoration in his eyes.

I looked at the date written in my father's perfect cursive in the corner, a small smile playing on my lips as I did so.

_June 1__st__ 1982_

She was literally just about to have Alice and me when this picture was taken. She looked so beautiful and it was strange to think that when this photograph was taken, I was living inside her. Strange.

"She had never looked so beautiful to me before." He whispered and I looked back up at him again. "When she was expecting Emmett, she was sick all the time. She had nausea and aches and pains the entire pregnancy and I think I can safely say she was glad to get him out." We both laughed because we all knew how Emmett could be and that was now. It seemed he was the same way, even when in the womb. "We were initially worried when we found out we were expecting you and Alice, but it was the strangest thing. She didn't actually start to show with you two until about five and a half months."

"Huh?" I knew I looked extremely confused at the moment. Hell, I _was_ confused at the moment. I had heard of women not realising that they were pregnant until they actually had the baby, but that had been with single children. How in the hell could you not realise that you were pregnant with twins?

"I know." He chuckled, shaking his head. "Amazing, isn't it? But neither of us knew."

"How did you find out?" I asked, wondering what the hell had made them aware. "Did she just balloon out and then it hit you?"

"No." He smiled, remembering all those years ago. "I remember, she had come home and she looked absolutely dead on her feet. She had been tiring out a lot up till that point, but obviously, neither of us knew what it was. We thought that it was having Emmett combined with her going back to work part time that was taking its toll. So, she comes in and I tell her to put her feet up and that I'll run her a hot bath."

"Bet she loved you for that." He nodded and I laughed.

"She did. Anyway . . . you know how hot your mother likes her baths," I nodded. She liked them too hot for my taste. She liked them so hot you turned pink and steam rose off you as you stepped out. Too hot for me. Personally, I think that the only things going in water that hot are vegetables. "Well, I ran her a bath and she got in, as you do. It was about two minutes later I heard her shouting my name. I wondered what in the hell was wrong so I ran in there and she was staring at me, wide-eyed, mouthing gaping and clutching her stomach."

"What was wrong?"

"Nothing." He sighed, looking back down at me. "Nothing was wrong at all. But apparently, neither you or Alice liked the hot water and finally made yourselves known. She felt you kicking and screamed for me. We made an appointment with the doctor for a few days later and it turned out she was twenty one weeks pregnant. It baffled the doctor as well. It was after we discovered the two of you were in there she started to show drastically. We only had fifteen weeks until the two of you were born. It didn't seem like nearly enough time to prepare and yet, somehow we did. I think it might have been because of that hot bath that you and Alice have a severe dislike of hot water." He was right, neither Alice or me could stand water being too hot and that made a bit of sense.

"When she had the two of you though, it was an incredible day for the both of us. With Emmett, she had been stressed out over something and her water had broken. She was in labour for nine hours and she was in agony the entire time. But with the two of you, we were sat watching a movie, I can't remember what it was. Anyway, it's not important and she just gasped and looked up at me, a smile on her face as she said 'the twins are coming'. It was only up at the end where she was in real pain. It seemed like her labour with the two of you, though it was a hell of a lot longer at twenty-one hours, was a lot more peaceful.

"When the two of you were born, everyone was immediately worried about you." _Why_? "You were underweight and according to the nurses, you weren't breathing properly. Alice was around the average weight, a little low at five pounds three, but you were only three eleven and everyone was worried about you. We didn't get to hold you until you were three days old." He looked at me, smiling before bringing a hand up and running his thumb underneath my eye. I wasn't sure what the hell to make of that so I let him do it. "When I first held you, and you opened your eyes and they were already beginning to change colour. Alice's were still bright blue, as were Emmett's at that age. But I could see yours were changing, turning into the green you have now.

"We could take Alice home the day after the two of you were born, but you weren't released for three weeks after your birth and the two of us wanted nothing more than to bring you home. It was clear Alice knew something was missing because she was crying and reaching out in her crib for the place you would lie. She knew you were missing and she wanted you there. We were worried the two of you might not bond as you were supposed to but we obviously didn't need to worry about that, did we?" I shook my head, smiling. "I know that I might not have always shown it, Edward, but you . . . you mean the world to me. I love you, my boy and I am so proud of you."

"You are?" I'd always thought that my dad wanted me to become a doctor like he was. I don't know why but I guessed I'd always thought he wouldn't be happy with anything less for me.

"Of course I am." He gripped my shoulder, shaking his head. "You left here with practically nothing. Not even a high school diploma and now . . . now you own your own business, have your own apartment – which is not too shabby, I might add – from what I've heard from the others, you've got some amazing friends and you now have Bella. You've accomplished so much, Edward. Of course I'm proud of you."

It seemed as though he was appraising me as I sat there.

"What?" Seriously, what's with the staring?

"Nothing." He shook his head, letting a breath out of his nose. "There is one thing I was wondering."

"What?"

"Would you be able to do this for me?" He asked, indicating the photograph and I felt my jaw drop. "Don't look so stunned."

"You want me to give you a tattoo?" Did I seem like I was being a stupid fuck? Uh, hell yeah!

"I already have three." He chuckled and if I hadn't been sitting down already I think I would have fallen over.

"You already have three?" I asked, apparently my voice wasn't working properly considering I had to choke those words out.

He nodded and turned slightly, lifting up his shirt on his right side revealing Alice's name in a beautiful cursive and date of birth. There were shaded swirls surrounding it, making it appear as though there was a depth to the image, as though it was shimmering like the moon's reflection on rippling water. He pulled his shirt down before turning a little more and showing me his right shoulder. It was the same design but with Emmett's name rather than Alice's and his date of birth. The swirls were the same, showing no preference between his children.

He took a deep breath before looking me in the eye before he showed me the last one. I had a feeling it would be my name and date of birth but I assumed it would be the same as the other two.

I was wrong.

Right above his heart, there was a Celtic knot that I knew meant protection. My name ran through the middle, the same cursive used as the other two, but a little bolder, so that it wouldn't blend in with the design. Below it was an Egyptian eye that also meant protection. My date of birth ran through that and I noticed that the outside of the circle was made up of words. I read around them, my eyes welling slightly at the sentiment. '_Proteggerlo dai Danni questo mondo__. Proteggerlo da tutto ciò che lo circondano. Metterlo in salvo e tornare lui a me._'

He wrapped his arms around me and we sat there like that for a few minutes, a silent understanding passing between us, between father and son.

"So?" He asked as he sat back, sniffing gently. I could see he wanted to let go and cry, but felt he couldn't with me here. "Will you?"

"I'd be honoured, dad." I whispered and he grinned, clapping me on the back.

"Go on." He motioned towards the door, a small smirk on his lips. "Off to bed."

"Only you and mom can make me feel like I'm seven years old again." I grumbled as I stood up and he laughed and my moodiness.

"It's our job, son. Let us do it while we can."

I laughed, rolling my eyes as I left him in peace, making my way back up to my beautiful love, still sleeping in my old bedroom.

. . . . . .

"Edward, I'm _bored_." I rolled my eyes as Bella whined again from the end of the sofa. She was kneeling down with her arms crossed across the end of the sofa as I sat there, running through things on my laptop. I had to hurry though, or the battery on this thing was going to die. "Edward!"

"I heard, you're bored." I mumbled and I heard her huff in annoyance.

We had been back in Chicago for a week and had both been back at work since returning from Washington. Today, though the power in a large part of the city had been taken out by some electrical problem. Bella's school had no power, meaning day off and neither did the shop, which meant we were closed as well. I wasn't sure about Alice and Rose and Emmett. Considering they worked close by, I was sure they had no power either. There was no power in the apartment either, so I was trying to utilize what time I had on my laptop to the fullest and Bella was not helping.

It was now two thirty in the afternoon and she had finished all the work she needed to do. Her lesson plans and grading were all complete and now she thought that it would be a good idea to come and annoy the boyfriend aka me.

"I have an idea." She jumped up, bounding out of the room as I shook my head at her newfound enthusiasm. She appeared a few moments later, something hidden behind her back as she stood there at the end of the sofa. I could practically feel the glee coming off her as she stood there, watching me and I was suddenly afraid.

"What have you got there?" I asked, not taking my eyes off the screen as I finished what I was doing. Turning off my laptop I placed it on the coffee table, looking at her. She was standing there, an evil glint I had seen many a time in Alice's eye and a wicked smile on her face. What the hell? I looked down at her hand and noticed she had a small bottle in her right hand. "Fuck off!"

"Oh, come on, Edward. I'm bored." She whined, sounding a lot like a feminine version of Emmett when he was hungry.

"I don't give a flying suck if you're bored, you can stay the hell away from me with that shit." I warned, pulling my legs underneath me, hiding my feet from her view. I didn't care how much she whined and pouted at me, she wasn't getting anywhere near my feet.

"You let me do it before."

"Uh . . . we were seven." I argued and she shrugged. "I didn't know any better and you swore you'd never bring that up again."

"I lied." She shrugged, moving around the sofa. I made sure that she couldn't get anywhere near my feet as she sat down. "Come on. I even picked out black. I could have got that hot pink stuff Alice gave me."

"I don't care what colour you've got, you are not painting my frickin' toenails!"

I launched myself off of the sofa and down the hallway. I heard her behind me and shoved the bedroom door open and made a beeline towards the bathroom. She was evidently faster than I'd given her credit for as I felt her arms wrap around my waist and we collapsed onto the bed.

"Gotcha!" She grinned down at me, sitting up straight. She quickly turned around, straddling me and grabbing at my legs.

"Bella, get off!" I warned or at least tried to as she found a ticklish spot on my foot. "Bella! Stop it!"

"Please, I'm bored." She giggled, keeping hold of my ankle, obviously loving seeing me squirm as she wiggled her fingers under the arch of my foot. "Come on, it'll make me happy and it'll kill about fifteen minutes."

"Not a goddamn chance!" She turned and pouted at me. Normally that little face would have got her whatever she wanted but this time I was standing firm. I was not having shit put on my toes. "No fucking way!"

"Spoil sport." She grumbled, starting to get off me. I wasn't ready for that part to be over, so I sat up and grabbed her around the waist.

"I know something else we can do that'll take longer than fifteen minutes." I whispered in her ear and she shivered, inhaling gently. I ran my hand up her stomach, cupping her breast. I ran my thumb over her nipple and she moaned as it reacted immediately.

She turned to face me, her hips grinding into mine as she straddled me. Her mouth enveloped mine as a moan escaped my lips and she smiled, pushing me back into the bed. I felt her fingers gently brushing against where my hard on was pressing into her stomach and I groaned in encouragement and anticipation.

_Set him free!_

She popped the button on my jeans, her hand slipping underneath the material of my jeans and my boxers. She gripped my dick with sure fingers and my eyes rolled back into my head with the delicious pressure.

"Look at me." She whispered in my ear and I forced my eyes open, meeting her dark chocolate ones. "I want to see your eyes when you come."

"Jesus fuck." It came out as nothing more than a whisper and she smirked. "You can't say that shit to me."

"I think I can when it's the truth." She pushed my jeans and boxers down and I lifted my hips, helping her. She looked down, obviously seeing her fingers wrapped around my dick and smiled. I wanted to watch what she was doing to me because it felt so fucking good but I knew I'd blow my load immediately if I did.

She increased the pressure and my eyes closed of their own accord, my head falling back onto my pillow behind me. "Edward, look at me."

My eyes flew open as I remembered her earlier request. Well, actually it was more of a demand, but whatever, it worked for me.

"You like that?" She asked quietly, biting down on her lip as she gave me an innocent look. Innocent my ass. She knew exactly what she was doing the little sneak. She increased the pressure again, her hand twisting as it moved up and her thumb gently slid across the slit.

"Oh, God." I had to fight to keep my eyes open and she giggled, shaking her head.

"Nope, just Bella." She crashed her lips to mine, her tongue pushing into my mouth as I bucked into her hand. She answered with another squeeze and her other hand reached in between my legs, cupping my balls. She squeezed my balls gently, rolling them between her fingers and I lost it.

"Fuuuuuck!" I broke the kiss and she sat up, watching me as I came in hot spurts across my stomach. I lay there, panting coming down from my high as she watched me, a strange look on her face.

"You are so beautiful." She whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips.

"Huh?"

She giggled at my lack of coherency before climbing off me. No! Don't do that! "Go clean up. Maybe we can have some more fun when you're finished."

"I sure damn hope so." I replied, sitting up and kicking my jeans and underwear off all the way. They'd only made it as far as my knees.

I made my way towards the bathroom, feeling Bella's eyes on me as I walked. "It's rude to stare."

"Your ass is stare worthy." She shot back and I laughed, shaking my head. My girl could make anything seem fucking hot and it seemed my dick was aware of that fact as well.

I cleaned myself up and made my way back out into the bedroom after ditching the t-shirt. Bella was on the phone as I approached, not looking happy about it.

She looked at me, her eyes hooded as she approached me. "You better get dressed, baby."

"What?" Huh? "Why?"

In answer to my question, there was a knocking on the door and I knew immediately who it was. They'd decided to make an appearance after all and right when things were getting good. After getting dressed I answered the door, being shoved out of the way by Alice and Rose, Jasper and Emmett trailing behind laughing.

"One word. Three syllables." I said to them and they looked confused. "Cock-block-ers." I held up a finger for each syllable and they winced.

"Sorry, man."

"Take t up with your wives." They looked at each other, slightly scared and I laughed following my sister and sister-in-law into the living area as they sat there chattering to a very frustrated Bella. I wanted to take her back into the bedroom and reciprocate the amazing little gift she'd given me a few minutes before. If I didn't think they'd follow me through there, I would.

"Right," Alice looked at everyone, who had sat down by now. "I know that with what's been going on recently, how everything has kind of snow-balled and gotten on top of us and we all need to relax." I _was_ about to do that, you annoying little pixie. "So . . . Rose and I had the idea for a spa day." She grinned at the four of us as though this was a winning idea.

_Fuck my life_.

. . . . . . . .

_**Nothing too dramatic happening here, but I wanted a light and fluffy chapter. The bit with Carlisle wasn't planned but it just happened. He had some things to get out there, so they came out.**_

_**The bit with the babies is actually true. A friend of mine was pregnant with twins but didn't realise until she got into an extremely hot bath and they decided they didn't like it. She went to the doctor and they told her she was twenty one weeks with twins. Odd, huh? They're three now and absolutely hate hot water. Can see why.**_

_**The Italian for Carlisle's tattoo: **_**'**_**Proteggerlo dai Danni questo mondo**__**. Proteggerlo da tutto ciò che lo circondano. Metterlo in salvo e tornare lui a me.' **__Protect him from the harms of this world. Protect him from all that surround him. Keep him safe and return him to me._

_**I used Google translate for it so if it's wrong, oops.**_

_**Hope you enjoyed it.**_


	25. Small Steps in the Right Direction

_**Disclaimer: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can.**_

_**It's been a long time, I know and I'm sorry. Unfortunately, I've moved, had to deal with illness and loss in the family and have been working 57-62 hour weeks for the last two months or so, so finding time to write has not been easy.**_

_**I'm not sure when the next update will be but I can guarantee it will not take nearly two years. Did I say I was sorry?**_

_**For all of those who have messaged me, I have not and I will not be abandoning any of my stories. They will all be finished but I can't give you a real update time until work becomes less hectic and I actually get some free time.**_

_**Anyway, enough of my rambling.**_

_It feels like I have lost this fight_

_They think that I am staying down_

_But I'm not giving up tonight_

_Tonight the wall is coming down_

_I am stronger than my fears_

_This is the mountain that I climb_

_Got one hundred steps to go_

_Tonight I'll make it ninety-nine_

_One more, go one more, yeah yeah_

_Don't stop now, go one more yeah yeah_

_One more, go one more._

_Go one more_

_Go one more._

'_One More' - Superchick_

_**Edward**_

I'm never listening to Alice again.

I'm never listening to any of them again.

Even Bella decided that going to the spa was a good idea. I could see that Emmett and Jasper weren't too keen on going but the two of them were such pussies that they would never say anything against their wives.

Apparently, they lost their balls when they got married.

So needless to say, I was outnumbered and the look my sister gave me was scary enough to make me comply. What? She's close enough to psychotic when she wanted to be.

I swear it had only worsened since she got pregnant.

It scared the shit out of me and I'm not afraid to admit that.

But the next time, I swear I'm going to lock myself in the bathroom and never come out again. At least until they'd all fucked off and Bella enticed me out in some way.

Never again.

It wasn't all bad, I guess.

I hadn't felt this relaxed in a long time and it was clear Bella hadn't either. I guess I couldn't fault my sister and Rose completely. Though I would have preferred not to have to wander round in a robe and towel without anything to really cover . . . well anything.

Would have been a little more comfortable with some kind of support but there we go.

Bella, on the other hand, had really enjoyed whatever it was she and the other girls had gone through. At least if the relaxed smile on her face was anything to go by.

I rolled over onto my stomach, leaning on my hand, running my fingers over the sliver of exposed skin on her stomach. She tensed slightly, her eye opening slightly, watching me closely. I smirked up at her and she scowled at me, knowing what I was up to.

"Noooo . . ." She whined slightly and I frowned up at her. "Too tired."

"Is that so?" I mumbled, pressing my lips to her skin. She squirmed, giggling gently and I wrapped my arms around her. "So, lazing around getting pampered all day has made you too tired to do anything, huh?"

"Actually, you're right." She said softly and I chuckled, kissing her neck gently and she turned around in my arms, resting her head on my chest. She sighed gently, her eyes closing and I chuckled, running my fingers through her hair.

"Alright, I'll let you off this time." I said softly and she smiled against me, her lips pressing against my chest through my t-shirt. She was kissing the image of the two of us beneath my shirt. I kissed her forehead gently, watching as she fell asleep, resting my head on the pillows behind me.

_Why was it so dark?_

_It was as though the dark was sucking the life out of everything. I couldn't breathe properly. It was an effort to take a breath, to try and get any kind of oxygen into my body._

_Where was everyone?_

_Where was Bella?_

_She wouldn't leave me. I knew she wouldn't._

_When she told me that she wouldn't leave me, that my past didn't change anything, I believed her._

_She wouldn't have changed her mind, would she?_

_No. She wouldn't have. She _couldn't_ have._

_Then why did I feel the same as I did all those years ago when I was alone? Why did I feel that there was no one there when I needed them?_

_I looked around me, seeing nothing in front or behind me. Just blackness. It was as though I'd been sucked into a black hole and everything in the world had disappeared. Leaving just me alone just as I had been after I'd been attacked._

_I looked around again, seeing my parents standing in front of me. "Mom! Dad!" They looked at the ground, my mom's hand going to her mouth as her shoulder's shook. My dad wrapped an arm around her, his own features marred with distress. The two of them were wearing black and my mother was wearing the pearls that she only wore for funerals. "Mom!" I walked up to them, trying to touch them, my hand flying straight through as if they weren't even there. Or maybe it was me that wasn't there. I wasn't sure. "Dad!"_

"_I just don't . . . understand!" My mother cried, burying her head in my dad's shoulder._

"_We didn't know." He whispered, kissing her head. "We didn't know."_

"_We should have." She looked up, looking at me but looking straight through me. "We should have seen how much pain he was in."_

_They both looked at the ground again, sobbing before they turned and walked away._

_What the hell was that about?_

_I turned sharply, seeing Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie sitting in a circle, looking lost and worried._

"_Guys!" Like my parents, they paid no attention to me as I stood there. I was right next to them so they should have seen me standing there. "What the hell is going on here?"_

"_Wasn't there anything we could have done?" Alice whispered and the others looked at her. "I mean, did it have to come to this? There had to have been something else that . . ."_

"_It was the only way." Emmett said softly, letting out a breath. Rose and Jasper didn't say anything as they stood up. They linked hands walking away from me, just as my parents had done._

"_What the fuck?" I closed my eyes, rubbing the heels of my hands over my eyes, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on here. I knew this was a dream and I wanted out. I wanted to get out of this fucked up black hole and back to my Bella. I pulled my hands away from my face and she was standing there, looking at something as all of the others had been. It was something in front of her. She looked over her shoulder as if there was someone standing there._

"_Is this necessary?" She asked softly, turning to look back at me. "Is there really no other way?" She let out a sob, her hand coming up in front of her. I walked over to her, saying her name softly but she didn't seem to register that I was there. I raised my hand to hers, my fingers brushing through hers gently. From the way her hand looked, it was as though she was pressing it against a pane of glass. "Will he be okay?"_

"_Bella?" I willed her to see me in front of her, to acknowledge my presence in front of her. How could she not see me? Though I got that that was a running theme throughout this fucked up dream._

"_Goodbye, Edward." She whispered, turning and walking away without looking back._

"_Bella!" She was walking away from me. She promised that she would never turn away from me. She promised she would always be there for me. Why would she walk away from me?_

_I grabbed my hair, my legs not supporting me anymore as I crashed to my knees, sobs wracking my body as I knelt there, willing myself to wake up. To be taken out of this hell._

"_Edward?"_

"_Edward?"_

"_Edward, wake up, love!"_ My eyes flew open to see Bella watching me closely, her eyes showing worry and fear as her arms tightened around me. Somehow, she had ended up sitting up on the pillows and my head was on her shoulder. I tightened my grip on her, burying my head in her shoulder. "Ssh, what happened? What's the matter?"

I shook my head, realising that I had tears running down my face. I knew that I was worrying her but she didn't say anything, knowing that I would open up in my own times. I hated that I was worrying her but I didn't think that I could open up to it yet.

While it was just a dream, it brought up all of the old feelings of abandonment and loneliness I'd felt all those years ago straight to the surface. I had thought that I was over all of that by now. I'd had time to deal with it. I'd gotten it all out of my system. I had my family and friends back. I had Bella. There was no real reason for me to be feeling like they were going to leave me again.

But dreams don't always make sense.

"Are you okay, love?" She asked and I looked up at her slowly. She was watching me closely and I let out a breath.

"Yeah," I whispered and she raised an eyebrow, clearly no believing me on that front. "Just a bad dream."

"It must have been bad." She ran her fingers through my hair gently. "Wanna talk about it?"

I took a breath, closing my eyes before letting it out through my nose. "Everyone left me." I whispered and she tensed slightly.

"What do you mean?"

"Everyone was just standing there and then they turned and walked away. It was like they couldn't see me. Like I wasn't even there." My voice was soft and the only reassurance that I had that she could actually hear me was the soft press of her lips on my forehead. "First it was my parents. Dressed like they were at a funeral. Then it was the guys, sitting like they were waiting for something and then . . ."

"Then?" She pressed, something telling me that she knew what I was going to say next.

"Then it was you. You were standing there, as though you were talking to someone, watching something through a window before you turned around and walked away from me. The others did that as well." I closed my eyes again, pulling her closer to me. "Just turned around and walked away from me."

"You know that's not going to happen. You know that, right?" I nodded, knowing that was the truth but still unable to get the lingering remnants of the dream out of my head. "Hey," I looked up at her, seeing her small smile on her lips as she watched me closely. "No one is going to be leaving you. You understand? Now that we've found you again, we're not going anywhere. You'd have to skip the country and keep running for the rest of your life to get away from us."

"Well, it's a good thing I don't ever want to be without any of you again. I've finally got my family back. I'm not going to do anything to jeopardise what I have now."

"Good to know." She smiled down at me. "Because if you even thought about it, I'd have a tracker chip in your ass faster than you could say 'what the fuck'?"

"Oh really?" I looked up at her, an eyebrow raised and she smirked at me, nodding.

"Yup. And you wouldn't know where I've had it put to take it out." She looked down at me, smugly.

"You seem so sure of yourself."

"I most definitely am." She chuckled and I smiled, resting my head back on her shoulder. I couldn't get the images from the dream out of my head. Maybe it was because of the fact that so many things surrounding that night and my family had happened over the last few months, the fears were just invading my mind through my dreams. "Hey, what's wrong?"

I shook my head, closing my eyes and inhaling the scent of her. "Nothing. It just . . . freaked me out. That's all."

"It's okay." She whispered, burying her nose in my hair. "You're not alone anymore."

I nodded, closing my eyes, not really wanting to sleep again, not wanting anything like the dream to invade my mind again. I believed Bella. I knew they weren't going to leave me again. I guess some thought processes were just too hard to break out of.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

_Fuck! I need a smoke!_

I bit down on my lip, taking the stud into my mouth as I waited, my knee bouncing up and down, betraying my nerves about being here.

Yes, I was freaked.

Even though I'd thought about it, even mentioned it once or twice, I don't think any part of me ever believed that I would be sat in the waiting room of a fucking shrink. I didn't really want to be here, talking to a goddamn stranger but I knew that it was something I needed to do if I was going to put all of this behind me.

Despite Bella's words, the nightmare hadn't stopped. I'd had it several more times over the last couple of weeks, along with the age old one I'd had since that fucking night in Port Angeles. I knew I couldn't keep going like that. It was worrying Bella and I think everyone else was worrying as well. And that wasn't something I really wanted.

Bella wanted to come with me today but she had to be in school and it would have meant her being out for the entire day. I didn't want her to get in trouble with work because I was too fucked up to sort out my own shit.

"Edward Cullen?" I started at the sound of my name and saw a small woman standing there, looking at me with a small smile on her face. I stood up, wiping my hands on my jeans before walking towards her. She turned and walked down a short corridor before stopping at a door and opening it. She nodded for me to enter and I took a breath before stepping over the threshold and into the spacious office.

She walked around to the back of the desk, sitting down in the large leather chair, gesturing for me to take the chair in front of her.

"What? No sofa?" She smiled at my lame attempt at humour. Yeah, I was fucking nervous. So fucking what? Ever been to therapy? No? Shut the fuck up.

"Sorry, no. That's only used by newbies." I smiled at her small attempt at humour. She leaned back in her chair, watching me as I sat there awkwardly. "As I'm sure you've guessed, I'm Kate Walker. Don't worry about calling me Doctor or Mrs Walker or anything like that because it just makes me feel old."

"So, Kate, then?" I asked and she nodded.

"You seem nervous." She noted softly, continuing to watch me closely.

"Well, this is new to me, so . . ." I shrugged, not really knowing how to answer her. Fuck, I needed a cigarette. Unfortunately, I don't think she'd be too impressed if I lit up.

"It's okay. I see it a lot." This girl didn't look like she was old enough to be a psychiatrist. How old was she, anyway? "I fast tracked."

"Huh?"

"I can see what's going through your head. Something else I get a lot." She laughed gently. "I actually graduated high school at fifteen, fast-tracked through college and everything else to get where I am. I'm twenty-eight but I've been doing this for a while now." I nodded, understanding. "Now, what exactly brings you into my office, Edward?"

"I, um . . ." I ran a hand through my hair, letting out a breath.

"It's okay. In your own time."

"It's just, not something I've really talked about much." She nodded in understanding, her eyes not leaving me but not saying anything. "When I was sixteen . . . I was . . . attacked." I wasn't sure that she had heard me but the small nod she gave me assured that I wouldn't have to repeat myself. "I guess I haven't really gotten over it."

"You said you haven't really spoken to anyone about it." I nodded, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees, linking my hands together. "Who have you spoken to it about?"

"Um . . . my family – you know, my parents, my brother and sister, a couple of friends and my girlfriend. But . . . it took me a long time to admit that something had happened."

"How long?"

"Eleven years." She didn't do anything other than nod and note something down on the notepad in front of her.

"Why not before now?" Her voice was calm and collected. I was sure that she'd probably heard about these things happening before. "Why not tell anyone around you?"

"I was scared." I whispered, looking down at my hands. "I was scared and ashamed."

"Being attacked isn't something to be ashamed of." Her eyes never left me. "There's more." Not a question. A statement she knew was correct. I nodded, not looking up at her. "What's said in this room never leaves this room." I knew that but it was still hard.

I took a deep breath, biting my bottom lip. "They, um . . . they raped me."

"And it you didn't talk to anyone about it for eleven years?" I shook my head. "That must have taken its toll on you. Emotionally." I nodded again, my knee starting to bounce again. "How did you manage to hide it for so many years?"

"I didn't need to." I swallowed thickly. "I only had to hide it for a year. Then it all got too much and I couldn't stay there anymore. One night everything blew up and I just had to get out of there. So I got on my bike and rode until I got here. I didn't see any of them again until a few months ago. They pushed themselves back into my life. Literally."

"You mentioned having nightmares." I nodded, knowing where she was going. "Tell me about them. How long have you been having them?"

"Since it happened." I breathed out slowly. "They've become less and less over the years but they've become worse and more frequent since the others have come back into my life. But . . . they've changed over the last couple of weeks and . . . these ones scare me more than the actual memories do." She nodded for me to go on and I guessed she wanted me to go through what they were about. "Um . . . I don't . . . I don't know if I can . . ."

"It's alright." Apparently she sensed my distress and wasn't going to push that avenue. I don't know what it was about the dream but every time I thought about it, a chill went down my spine and I wanted to throw up. I don't think she'd appreciate me losing my lunch in her office. "Not telling anyone about it for so long had to have taken a toll. What happened after the incident? At home?"

"Umm . . . things were . . . hard." I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I was scared and . . . I wanted to talk to someone. I wanted someone to ask me what was wrong. I couldn't just come out and say it but if someone asked . . ."

"It made it easier." I nodded and she let out a breath, closing the pad she had in front of her. "You did really well today, Edward. It must have been hard for you, talking to a complete stranger about what happened. Now, we'll leave it there for now and if you want to continue with these sessions, I can help you work through what happened and come to terms with it. If you'll let me."

I nodded slowly. "Thank you."

"Right," she smiled at me, sitting forward in her chair and leaning on the desk in front of her. "If you want to make an appointment at the front desk and I'll see you next week."

Walking out of her office and making an appointment for next week with the annoyingly flirty girl at the front desk who looked like she was more silicone than actual person – seriously, what the fuck was with that – and getting home was a bit of a blur.

I walked through the door to the apartment and leaned back against it as it clicked shut. Bella was still at school and I wished she was there. I heard a slight clicking on the floor and looked down to see that Nix was walking towards me. She hadn't pulled her claws in, something that wound me up like fucking crazy. But then again, how do you tell a cat to pull her claws in when she's walking.

I scooped her up, holding her close to me as I slipped off my shoes and made my way into the living room. She rested her head on my shoulder and started purring almost immediately.

Easily pleased was my cat.

I placed her on the floor beside the sofa and she looked up at me, clearly not pleased with that decision and I grabbed the folder I'd put together for the tattoo my dad wanted me to do for him.

Before we'd left Forks, he'd given me a copy of the picture he wanted and he'd told me he wanted it across his shoulders. I shook my head, never thinking that I would be placing a tattoo on my father's back. I'd grabbed some of my mom's tissue paper that she used for work and traced the outline of my dad's shoulders and part of his back. He looked a little confused at why I was doing that so I had to explain it to him.

It was amusing, explaining something to my dad. Normally, if he needed to know something, he knew it within a few minutes of needing it. Never one to wonder was my father.

Copying the picture of my mother and turning it into an appropriate tattoo was proving more difficult that I'd anticipated. I'd managed to work most of it out but there were certain points that I wouldn't be able to work out until my dad came in.

Thankfully, they were flying in tomorrow afternoon. My mom and dad were flying in to spend the weeks over Christmas and the New Year in Chicago with us. I had to smile at my parents. They had said that they wanted to see the place we were living in properly but Emmett had told me that they didn't want to put me under the stress I'd been under at Thanksgiving. They hadn't told me their real reasons and I knew why. I couldn't blame them for it. In actual fact, I thanked them for it.

I didn't think that I could go back to Forks. Not until I got my head sorted properly anyway.

Charlie and Renee were flying in on the twenty-third, not having the flexibility that my parents had made it harder for them to fly out. Bella had been worried that they wouldn't be able to afford tickets out here – the police wage and that of an elementary school teacher didn't really make for an impulsive lifestyle – but I decided to step in there.

Charlie had argued – of course – stating that he and Renee could pay their own way to Chicago and he wasn't about to step down. I'd managed to get him to accept the tickets and the hotel as a Christmas present. I could see that he was confused about that, especially considering how he had behaved when he had learned that Bella and I were together but I also knew that he had contacted the police in Port Angeles.

He didn't know that I knew that he had been going through the case files from when I was attacked. My dad had told me that apparently Charlie had been combing through them along with other reports from that time – it made me sick to think of how many there were – and trying to figure out who it was. I wanted to tell him to let it go but I couldn't without letting him know that I knew what he was doing.

My dad had explained to me that even though I'd not reported anything to the police, there were still hospital files that were apparently available. I wasn't sure how I felt about that to be perfectly honest.

I didn't want any details about what might have happened to anyone else after me.

It made me sick to think that it might not have happened if I'd spoken to the police when they wanted to take a statement from me. I'd refused, not wanting to dwell on it. Not wanting anyone else to know what had happened.

It hurt to think that something I could have done might have put a stop to it.

But then again, I didn't even know if anyone else _had_ been attacked.

It wasn't something I wanted to dwell on.

It made my head hurt.

Shaking my head, I turned back to the paper in front of me, knowing that this was a world I knew, a world I understood and I world I could control.

Because that was what I needed right about now.

. . . . . . .

"So, how did it go?" My dad asked, taking a gulp of his beer as we sat on my couch. My parents had arrived a few hours ago and Alice had commandeered my mom and dragged her out for an impromptu shopping trip. Well, I say 'dragged' but I think my mom went quite willingly.

Well, Alice had to get her shopping gene from somewhere, didn't she?

"It was . . . hard. But not as hard as I thought it was going to be." I admitted, finishing off my own beer and placing the empty bottle on my coffee table. "We didn't really go over what happened, more of what happened afterwards."

"You're going back?" He asked and I nodded, letting out a breath. "That's good. I'm proud of you, son." I looked over at him, seeing a small smile on his lips. It hit me how much I'd really missed my dad. I'd not really allowed myself to dwell on the fact that I'd left them behind over the years, just focusing on the fact that they wouldn't have to deal with the hurt over and over again.

I'd not really allowed myself to miss them.

"Well, why don't we get started on the ink you've been working on, shall we?" He laughed and I smirked, nodding. I moved Nix off of my lap and placed her on the floor before standing up and grabbed my empty bottle, taking my dad's from him and throwing them out. He stood up and followed me out of the door, both of us shrugging on our jackets as I locked the door. "It really took you all this time to draw up?"

"Yeah," I chuckled, hitting the button for the elevator. "There was something I couldn't get right and it was pissing me off, for lack of a better term." He laughed and I narrowed my eyes at him. "I got it last night though."

The walk to the shop was quiet as my dad looked around and took in his surroundings. Walking into the shop, Jake immediately threw something at me. What the fuck it was, I have no fucking clue as it bounced off my shoulder and disappeared somewhere.

"Dumbass." I shot at him as he laughed.

"Edward." I turned, my dad standing there, a raised eyebrow, letting me know that he wasn't pleased with my language. I couldn't help that Jake was an overgrown five year old. I've asked myself a million times and never figured out how the hell Mae puts up with his ass.

"What? It's true." I shrugged, taking off my jacket and shoving Jake out of the way to get to my folders. He leaned back in the chair and laughed again. At least he did until I hooked my foot under the chair and tipped him over backwards.

Not _that_ was some funny shit.

Even my dad laughed.

I motioned for my dad to follow me out to my room and he did so, shaking his head and laughing as Jake tried to right himself. Not really going so well as he wriggled, trying to get out of the chair, throwing expletives at me as I walked away from him.

Closing the door, I pulled the finished drawing out of the folder and showed it to my dad. I bit down on my lip, twisting the bar that ran through it in between my teeth. I didn't get nervous about my art . . . ever but watching my dad as he looked at the drawing I'd handed him, feeling more nervous in that moment than I had sitting at the shrinks office yesterday.

"How did I not know you could do this?" He asked, looking up at me, his eyes shining in the light of the room. "How did I not know you were so talented?"

I shrugged, not really knowing how to answer him. "You like it?"

"Edward, this is fantastic." He whispered, leaning forward and wrapping his arms around me. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. I hadn't wanted to disappoint him and I was glad I hadn't.

"Right," I took the drawing from him, standing up, making my way to the door. "Gonna turn this into a stencil and we get started." He nodded and I made my way out into the main area of the shop.

"Everything okay?" Jake asked, watching me.

"I see you managed to get up." I chuckled and he flipped me off. We were grown up around here. "I think that finally . . . things are okay."

"You sure?" He asked and I nodded, knowing that he would be there in an instant if he thought that I wasn't okay. "You need anything, you know where I am, right?"

"Yeah." I patted him on the back as I walked back into my private room. "Thanks, man." I closed the door behind me and turned to my dad. "Ready to get started?"

"Of course." He grinned at me and I couldn't help but grin back.

Being with my dad like this was easier than I'd ever thought it would be. I'd always imagined that being with my parents again, it would either take forever to be comfortable around them or that it would never happen. I'd never imagined that I would be sat in my tattoo room about to ink one of my fathers favourite photographs of my mother onto his shoulders. If someone had told me that, I would have smacked them and laughed.

But though I'd never imagined it could happen, I was glad that it was.

. . . . . . . . . .


	26. Time Away Part 1

_****__**Disclaimer: Much to my dismay, I don't own SM's story or characters. I just like to mess with their clothes, sanity and anything else I can.**_

**__Hello? Is anybody out there? (hears echo) I hope some people still are so I can sit here and go: YES! It's an update!**

**I know it's been too long and I am very very sorry. Not going to bore you all with excuses. Let's just say real life is a bitch and she's backing off again right now.**

**Anyways, I'll let you get on with reading it.**

_**Edward**_

"Bella, are you ready or not?" I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I waited for her by the apartment door.

"Two minutes!" She shouted back from somewhere deep in the back of the closet and I rolled my eyes, looking down at Nix who just stared blankly back. Great help you were.

Two minutes?

Two minutes, my ass.

"We don't have two minutes, love." I sighed again, grabbing my bags. "Alice and Jasper are waiting downstairs and Nahuel is going to be meeting us at the airport. And you're going to have to explain why we've missed our flight."

She glared at me as she walked out of the bedroom, yanking her jacket on as she walked. "I'm ready." She grumbled, grabbing her bags and yanking the door open, walking out into the hallway as I followed her out, laughing. Nix wasn't pleased that we were leaving her, as she probably knew that we were, even if it was just for a couple of hours before Mae and Jake picked her up to look after her for the five days Bella and I would be out of town.

"Come on, love." I chuckled as I locked the door. She made a little 'hmph' noise as she turned away from me. I dropped my bags, wrapping my arms around her, pulling her to me. "You can't be mad."

"Yes, I can." She smirked, stubbornly and I rolled my eyes, burying my nose in her hair.

"Come on, you always said how you wanted to go to England." She narrowed her eyes at me, knowing that she couldn't fault me on that. Even though it wasn't the way she'd wanted to go, she couldn't deny that she was excited about going to England.

She rolled her eyes and I knew I had her, giving her a quick kiss before grabbing my bags and leading the way towards the elevator. She followed behind me, unable to keep the smile off her face as we went down.

"I can't believe we're going to Tattoo Jam." She grinned and I had to chuckle. It was a first for the both of us in leaving the country. Even though we had both had passports from a young age, neither of us had actually used them to leave the country.

"Finally, you guys." Alice rolled her eyes at the two of us as we walked out of the building meeting the two of them outside where the two of them were standing by Jasper's car.

"What do you mean, finally?" Bella laughed, shaking her head as Jasper popped the trunk on his car and the two of us threw our stuff into it. He slammed it closed and Alice stood in front of us. "You texted Edward, how long ago?"

"Six minutes." I glanced at my phone and my sister glared at me, obviously not happy that I wasn't taking her side. "Alright, you two want to argue semantics, you can do that but can you do that in the car or we're going to miss our flight."

Then I was faced with two sets of glaring eyes.

I climbed into the front, not wanting to be caught in the backseat with either of the mean females.

"We'll be alright." He chuckled and I rolled my eyes at him as the girls climbed into the back. Bella's arms sneaked around my seat as she leaned forward. I caught her wrist smiling at the vines that ran down her arm. I pressed a kiss to the bone on her wrist and she giggled before sitting back in her seat, talking with Alice.

Thankfully, the car ride to O'Hare didn't take long and soon we were checked in and moseying towards the gate. We had an hour before our flight left but knew that it was better to be safe than sorry when it came to flights. We knew that there could be a chance that we'd get waylaid and possibly miss the flight. Not that that would happen but still, you never know.

"So, what's the first thing we're going to do?" Alice was practically bouncing in her seat and I was glad that I'd upgraded to first class – something Bella hadn't been happy about - meaning that some poor unsuspecting soul didn't have to deal with Alice bouncing up and down next to them.

"We're going to get to the hotel and sleep." I moaned and she pouted at me. "Alice, we're not going to get into Doncaster until around seven tonight. We have all day tomorrow and the rest of the weekend to go nuts. We can get some sleep tonight and be fine for the rest of the time we're here."

"I can't believe I didn't believe you when you told me she was always like this." Nahuel chuckled from behind me and I smirked.

When he'd first met Alice six months ago, he'd thought that her hyperactivity was a fluke, a one time thing and was convinced that she couldn't be like that all the time. How wrong he'd been. For a while I'd thought that he might have reconsidered taking a job at New Moon.

Since the beginning of the new year, New Moon had expanded. When it had gone up for sale, we'd bought the shop next door, knocking out one of the walls and turning it into newly refurbished studios. We'd hired two new artists and a new piercer to help with the heavier client load and Jake had even taken on another apprentice. Something he hadn't done since me. He'd said that there was too much work that he hadn't considered it since I came along.

Maggie was great. She was eager to learn and even though she had been stuck doing a lot of the grunt work to begin with, she never let it get to her. She clearly wanted to learn what the whole tattoo world was about and would do whatever she could to learn.

And learn she did.

She picked everything up extremely quickly and even though she wouldn't be picking up a machine for a while yet, she had a great eye for detail. Nahuel had approached us, noting our ad on the site for a new artist – yes, Rosalie had convinced us to get a website and I had to admit, it had done nothing but good. He'd recently moved to Chicago from Minneapolis looking for a new start. We looked through his portfolio and decided to give him a test run. He worked on a couple of walk-ins and we both liked what we saw. After we gave him a month probation time in the shop, he seemed to fit right in and got along with everyone. The fact that he had caught the eye of Bree, one of the bartenders in Eclipse. We had rented out the small apartment to him. He told us to take what we needed for the rent of the apartment out of his wages before he even got them, getting a mild surprise when we told him that we didn't pay rent on the building, so there was no point for him to pay it to us. All we asked for was that he pay for his utilities and I didn't think I'd seen anyone grin so much before.

Well, maybe I had when Jake asked Mae to marry him – finally!

Damien had moved from Houston, not wanting to stay there anymore after things between him and his family had finally exploded. At twenty eight, he had come out to his family when he was in college and been practically rejected for it. His parents ignored him, which although the hurt was clear on his face when he told us about it, he could handle. But it was when his brothers came back into town and decided that they were going to try and antagonise him out in the street, vandalising his car and harassing him in the shop he'd worked in. It all finally came to a head, he said, when he'd been out for a drink with his boss and they'd decided to get physical on his way home. When he'd walked into the shop, he still had a gash on his forehead and we were initially wary.

Once he'd explained, we'd decided to give him the same conditions we'd given Nahuel and again, he'd fit right in. He was quiet to begin with but once he saw that we didn't judge him for anything that had happened and that we didn't give a fuck who he fancied, he started to loosen up, getting more comfortable around the loud group that we were. We could all tell that he wasn't entirely comfortable, clearly waiting for the other shoe to drop. He'd had a nest egg built up which meant that he could get his own apartment from when he decided to move to the city. We made him aware that if he ever needed it there was an apartment over the other shop we'd taken over that he could use if he needed.

I could see that he appreciated it.

"What's got you so deep in thought?" Bella asked softly beside me, rolling her sleeves up.

"Just thinking about the last year or so, that's all." I smiled, linking my fingers with her and she smiled.

"Yeah, a lot's happened, huh?" She rested her head back, smiling and I couldn't help but lean across and kiss her gently.

She wasn't wrong. So much had happened.

I'd started therapy and Zafrina was amazing at what she did. He knew that there were some things that were too difficult for me to talk about in the beginning, just touching on them, letting me know that it wouldn't be long before we addressed them. It had been hard and I was still seeing her weekly but it was worth it. When I'd started seeing her, the nightmares I'd suffered after the attack returned full force and I could see that it scared the shit out of Bella. She hadn't seen me like that before and I had to admit that I scared myself a little. I had been jumpy and snappy and unfortunately because she was around me the most, she bore the brunt of it.

It had been a trying time for us and we'd fought a lot. I could understand why she had become so frustrated with me at that time, calling me out on my shit and I had given it straight back. It was only after a huge blow out that caused her to leave and head to Alice's that I realised I needed to get control of myself. I was pushing her away and I didn't – _couldn't_ – do that again. I had made that mistake once before and I couldn't risk losing her.

I'd told Zafrina what I was afraid of and she had suggested sessions with Bella every two weeks. After a lot of apologising and grovelling I'd suggested it to Bella and she agreed. I was afraid of what Bella would think but she took it all in her stride. Zafrina had spoken to the two of us about opening up and even though it terrified me to do so, I made it happen.

There were times when I could feel myself getting wound up at nothing at all and had to force myself to stop what I was doing.

That time had been hard but it made Bella and I stronger as a couple. Even though we had been pretty honest with each other from the start, we told each other everything after we'd started seeing Zafrina as a couple.

Bella had thrived in Chicago, making her own little niche and making some new friends through her job. She absolutely loved being her job and even though they weren't _too_ impressed with the new ink on her arm, she had an impact on the kids and their grade averages in English had gone up since she'd started there. Even though she was a young teacher, she knew what she was doing. So while they might not be too happy with her new body art, even in the short amount of time she'd been there, she'd made an impression and they weren't willing to let her go. It was something they'd learned to deal with.

"You excited about this weekend?" She asked and I grinned, squeezing her hand again. I ran my thumb over the back of her hand where the ink stopped and she grinned.

"Sure am." I smirked back and she giggled. "Hopefully, I'll get to have a look around as well."

"Isn't that one of the reasons for bringing Nahuel along as well?" She asked, glancing at him. "So that the both of you can work and look around at the same time."

"Yup." The two of us were going to the convention to in a nutshell, represent New Moon. It would allow us to get a name out there on foreign soil and it meant that we could convene with other artists and get a grips for their work as well. And hey, if we managed to get some new ink as well, well, that was just a bonus.

"I wonder what it's going to be like."

"Busy." I snorted and she raised an eyebrow at me. "It's one of the largest tattoo conventions in Europe, love. There are thousands of people that come to this thing over the weekend. People getting work done, seeing the entertainment or just coming because of some kind of curiosity. There are a lot of reasons."

"You've got people lined up?" She asked and I nodded. There had been some eager people that had called the shop as soon as we'd confirmed that we were attending the show. The biggest surprise was that they weren't people that happened to be from Chicago and were going as well. They were people from the UK that had seen some of the work that both Nahuel and I had done and wanted work from each of us.

It was a little humbling to have people from thousands of miles away wanting work done by me.

We would have a busy weekend ahead of us that was for sure.

I just hoped I could sneak away to see some of the entertainment they had going on.

The both of us managed to get some sleep on the flight from O'Hare to Heathrow before Alice woke us up when the fasten seatbelt sign came on. Of course I could have done without the acrylic nail poking the side of my head but I would have to figure out a way to get back at her later.

It didn't take long for us to deplane and catch our short connecting flight to the Robin Hood Airport just outside of Doncaster.

"Wow," Bella breathed as we walked out of the airport. "What the hell happened to all the people?" She asked and I had to wonder the same thing. There was no one here. The parking lot was packed, completely full and yet there were only a couple of people here. "It's like the apocalypse happened and only hit this airport." I had to laugh and nod.

"Maybe there was a zombie attack." Alice supplied, causing us all to laugh.

"Alice, if there was a zombie attack on this place, they'd get here, think 'what the fuck' and go somewhere else." She rolled her eyes, hitting me with the back of her hand. "Jasper and Nahuel getting cars?"

"Yeah. We figured that two would be better. That way we're not all crammed into one and there'd be room for all your gear." I nodded, understanding her reasoning.

Both Nahuel and I had brought our own machines with us, which we had to have labelled for the airlines or they may have stopped them going through.

The two of them pulled the cars round a few minutes later and we laughed as they sat there. Bella and I elected to go with Nahuel in the car he'd rented, shoving our stuff in the back. It seemed pointless to be driving around to the hotel because it was literally across the road but we couldn't be bothered to walk over there when there were two perfectly good cars in front of us.

We laughed as we pulled out of the airport parking lot, drove across the road and pulled into the parking lot. We pulled out our stuff and walked around to the front door. Bella waited for the rest of us to go through the revolving door first. For some reason she had a fear of these doors and I couldn't help but laugh as she waited for everyone else to walk through before coming through herself, stalking past us to the check-in desk, muttering a 'shut up' as she walked past.

"Come on, love. It's funny." I smiled as I placed my bags on the floor and wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder.

"No, it's not." She grumbled. I kissed her neck softly and she sighed, her head flopping back slightly so it was resting on my shoulder. We stood there as Alice, Jasper and Nahuel booked into their rooms. We'd managed to book rooms on the same floor. "Our turn." She smiled as Alice grinned, waving her key card at us. I rolled my eyes as I checked the two of us in, confirming that it was a smoking double that I'd reserved. They handed me two key cards and I slipped them into my back pocket, thanking them as I grabbed my bags and we all made our way over to the elevators.

We went our separate ways, making plans to meet down in the restaurant later for something to eat.

"Oh, thank god." Bella sighed, dropping her bags and flopping down on the bed. She looked up at me, grinning and I chuckled, shaking my head, dropping the keycard on the small table by the door. "Come here." She held out her hands and I toed off my shoes, removing my jacket and crawling next to her on the bed. I heard her shoes drop onto the hardwood floor and she pulled her jacket off, curling up next to me.

We lay there for a while, long enough for the both of us to doze. We woke up a little while later, both of us changing into something that wasn't covered in travel grime. Or at least what we perceived to be grime. There probably wasn't anything on our clothes but we wanted to feel fresher anyway.

We met Alice, Jasper and Nahuel out in the hallway and made our way down to the restaurant area. There were a few people that were already there and they looked us up and down, clearly not appreciating the five of us. Meh. Not like we gave a crap.

Not like we had to please any of them anyway.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

"Oh my God, she has got balls." I looked up from the guys leg I was working on and smiled as I heard the girls coming back from the main stage where they're been watching some of the entertainment.

"Well, I can definitely tell you, she does not." I heard Bella laugh and I couldn't help but wonder who they were talking about. I raised my eyebrow at her and she giggled, blushing slightly as she sidled behind the table that held portfolio's and booklets containing work done by both Nahuel and me. "Millie Dollar."

"The burlesque dancer?" I asked, remembering that I'd seen her name in the programme.

"Mhmm . . . she's really good. Probably what it would have been like when burlesque was at its height, you know. Without the tattoos of course." She grabbed one of the cream cakes I'd hidden underneath the table, taking a bite as she sat down. "And Alice was right. She has got balls. Metaphorical ones of course."

"How so?"

"Well, for one, she's up there, stripping in front of hundreds of people and not giving a crap and afterwards, she just struts off the stage as though she's not just wearing a thong, heels and nipple tassels." I looked up at her, thankful that I was wiping the guys leg rather than inking it at that point. She nodded, smirking and I chuckled. "And she can make them spin,"

"That was cool." Alice agreed, sitting on the table.

The two of them were proudly displaying the ink that I'd put on them. The two of them were wearing tank top but while Alice was also wearing a pair of leather boots and shirt, Bella was wearing some low rise jeans and jeans. The tank was short enough to reveal a tantalising strip of her midriff, showing off the ink she had. Along with the roses on her side, she now had vines running up from the top of her thigh, all the way up her side and down her arm. Every so often, there were little flowers blooming on the vines and on her back, there were two large lilies that had blossomed off of the vines.

She loved it and even though I was a little dubious about marking her with something like that, she was insistent about it and I had to admit, it looked good.

"You hungry babe?" She asked, hopping off the chair and walking around to join Alice. I nodded, not taking my eyes off of the line work that I was doing. Thankfully, Bella spent enough time in the shop, I'd gotten used to talking to her and working at the same time. "Pizza?" Nod. "Cheese and a coke?" Again another nod. She knew not to take the fact that I wasn't verbally answering her personally. She knew that I was engrossed in what I was doing and didn't take it the wrong way.

"Those two seem hyper." The guy I was inking chuckled and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Nah, the little one yes, but the brunette, not so much. She's just excited to be here and their energy is feeding the others. They'll crash later on tonight." I laughed and he nodded.

I finished up a couple of minutes later, wrapping his leg and sending him on his way. Nahuel was just finishing up and while he had another lines up, I was going to wander around for a while. I waited for Bella and Alice to come back with the food, stretching out as I sat there.

I rolled my eyes as I heard giggling, hoping that wherever it was coming from was not my booth. Of course, my luck didn't hold out and I turned to see two girls standing there, matching. They were both wearing the convention t-shirts, tiny shorts – one was wearing pink and the other blue – knee high socks – again, pink and blue – and black heels. What the hell were these girls thinking? Were they not aware that it was October outside and not the middle of fucking summer.

"Hi," one of them smirked and I let out a breath, crossing my arms. "I was wondering if you could fit me in."

"Sorry," I shook my head, pointing towards the little notice on my table that read '_I'm fully booked today_,' "booked up all weekend I'm afraid."

"Shame." The other pouted and I wondered if girls were different anywhere in the world.

I relaxed slightly as I heard Bella's throaty laugh floating through the air, accompanied by my sisters bell like laugh. I grinned when I saw the two of them and Bella handed me the food and bottle of soda.

"I don't know who you're more pleased to see, me or the pizza." She laughed, leaning against the table as I sat back down, devouring the pizza she'd bought me. I gave her a grin, knowing that I had to have pizza sauce all around my mouth but not really caring. This pizza was fucking good. "When you're finished with that, there's some more entertainment happening on the Cheyenne stage."

"What's happening?" I asked, wiping my mouth off before picking up the second slice and taking a bit.

"There's a freakshow guy or something and there are the judgings for the different tattoo awards." That sounded cool. I glanced over her shoulder, seeing that the two girls hadn't left and were still glaring at Bella as she stood there.

"You gonna be okay holding the fort while I go check the place out?" I asked Nahuel and he waved me off, not looking up from the stencil he was placing. I chuckled, knowing that he was as focused on his work as Jake and I were. That was one thing that made it easier to work with him. Knowing that he did decent work made it easier to relax. "Alright, let's go check out the stage."

She grabbed my hand and lead me towards the main area, stopping and gasping as she looked in front of her. I looked up and laughed when I saw what she was staring at. In front of us, walking around and posing for pictures were Jack and Sally from the Nightmare Before Christmas. They were awesome. Bella insisted that I take a picture of her with them and she was so excited that I couldn't refuse.

She was like a little kid at Christmas.

She bounded up to me, giggling before pulling me towards the main stage. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her to my chest as the compere introduced the next entertainment act.

Whose name was apparently 'Sickboy'.

And he was aptly named, it turned out.

Now I wasn't usually squeamish when it came to blood and needles but watching someone put a screwdriver through their nose and staple pieces of paper to their faces made my jaw drop. Bella had her head buried in my chest for most of it, only looking up to glimpse at what was going on before burying her head again. She went pale and I thought she was going to puke for a moment.

She did get an apple out of it though. The fact that it had been bitten into and an 'x' had been sawn into it using a chainsaw made it a bit less appealing but hey, it was a souvenir. One she said that she would be taking a photograph of and throwing away.

"You okay love?" I asked and she looked up at me, shaking her head. "Wishing you hadn't eaten before we watched this?" She nodded and I laughed, pulling her close to me.

This was turning out to be an awesome weekend and I had a feeling that it was going to get better.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

**Yes, Tattoo Jam is real. I went this year and it was fuckawesome. Any of you go? If so, what was you favourite bit? Millie Dollar and Sickboy are real entertainment acts and yes, she did strut off the stage in nothing but a thong, heels and nipple tassles and he did staple things to his face and shove a screwdriver through his nose. It was gross. But he's the sweetest guy out there.**

**And when asked why he did that stuff, his answer: why not? Seems like a fair answer, right?**

**I promise I won't keep you waiting long for the next update. This was going to be one huge chapter but it turned out being too long to post without thinking 'where the fuck does it end?' which is probably what you're all thinking about this AN.**

**Anyways, long story short, update: soon.**

**Ta!**


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